CHAPTER THIRTY: ACTION FIGURE ANARCHY
Monday SG-1 was briefed for an off world mission for Tuesday morning. Things at the SGC began to return to normal after a traumatizing week. Teal'c had agreed to continue training classes for women in hand-to-hand combat; he believed that every one should be as prepared as possible.
After the briefing Carter had gone to check on something in another and walked into an argument between tow scientists. "What's going on here?"
"Sorry, Major, we were having a disagreement about designs for weapons for the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
"So show me the design."
One of the scientists brightened and unrolled a large piece of paper.
"This is a Zat."
"Exactly."
"You can't give an official action figure a weapon that is alien technology."
The other scientist snickered and said, "that's what I said."
"But we can say that the are advanced weapons designed by our military."
Sam gaped at him, "no, we can't. That is a breach of national security and treason. You'll just have to design something else."
"Something else for what?" Sam turned around at the voice and snapped to attention. In the doorway stood a female General.
"Ma'am."
"At ease Major. Something else for what?"
"They were designing weapons for the "Marine Lisa" action figure and wanted to include a Zat. We can't really give girls a toy that is based on actual alien technology."
"We certainly can't. Now what is this "Marine Lisa" action figure? By the way, I'm General Jennifer Valentine, the Pentagon's lesion for female personnel."
"It's an action figure modeled after Tech SGT Lisa Chang. It's meant to give girls a more positive, realistic idea of military life and it's opportunities for women."
"That's an excellent idea. I wonder why I wasn't informed of it?"
"Maybe inter-service rivalry?"
"That's probably it, it's always a real pain in my ass. We should have one representing every service, with different ethnical groups representing the diversity of the military."
"Wow, Ma'am, that's a great idea. I sure wish they had them when I was growing up, maybe I would have actually played with dolls. Can I do anything to help you, Ma'am?"
"I'll certainly let you know, Major. The purpose for my visit, however, is the series of attacks that ended with Major Martin's arrest last week."
"I want to show you some research that Captain O'Neill and I did on the Major's background."
"Yes, I want to see everything that you have. I have also down some research on my own and we can compare notes. You would not believe the number of women that I think were attacked by this animal."
"Oh, I think I would." Carter turned to the scientists before she and the General left and said, "go for original designs, no alien technology. Think of it as an exercise, let your imaginations go wild. You can design anything and you don't even have to make them really work."
The scientists brightened considerable at the prospect and turned excitedly to their drawing boards.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
General Valentine and Major Carter went to Vicky's lab and Sam tapped one the door. "Come in." When Vicky looked up and saw Sam with a General she snapped to attention. Sam introduced the General she had told O'Neill to stand at ease and stuck her hand out to shake her hand.
"Ma'am."
"It's good to meet you Captain. I read the report about Martin's capture."
"I had plenty of back-up, Ma'am. I might be a little brave but I'm not stupid."
"Glad to here it. You also were instrumental in doing the research on him."
"All I did was talk to some of the women who I suspected were attacked and when assured that everything would be off the record they gave me a good start. Major Carter did most of the actual research, Ma'am."
"Well, I'd like to see everything that you have on him. I have found that there is a common problem with this kind of attack in that the women are unwilling to report it and the men just get transferred from base to base to find a fresh crop of victims."
"If you'll sit at my desk, I'll be happy to show you what we have." When she gestured for the General Sam noticed a flash of light off of Vicky's hand. Sam quietly moved a little so that she could get a better look.
//damn, she's wearing weddings rings. I guess I know what happened when they went home Saturday night. I love Pete so why am I still hurt? Maybe I should see if Alex has some free time today\\
"Right, Sam?"
"Umm...I'm sorry my mind wondered to the mission tomorrow." //good recovery. I can't let Vicky know I'm upset\\
"Here, why don't you go over this with the General? You are more familiar with the data."
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Jack being Jack was bored and went to harass Daniel, one of his favorite amusements. "So, Danny, Whatcha doing?"
"I'm going over the UVA pictures of the ruins of the planet we are going to tomorrow." He knew from experience not to bother with the planet's designation because Jack would have no idea what he was talking about and he would have to explain. It was easier to just say that planet. "They're fascinating."
"Umm...I bet." Daniel looked up and caught Jack handling a priceless artifact. When he snatched it out of Jack's hand he noticed the wedding ring.
"Something you want to tell me, Jack?"
"Huh?" Then he saw Daniel staring at his hand, "oh, that. We've kind of decided to try to work things out."
Daniel peered at Jack over the rims of his glasses. "What about Sam?"
Jack put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth a few times looking at the floor. Daniel almost repeated the question but decided that his friend was composing his thoughts and would give him some time to think about it. Finally Jack looked Daniel in the eye.
"I care...hell you know, Daniel, I love Carter and I always will, but loving her and not being able to be with her in some ways made me lonelier."
"Jack, I had no idea..."
Jack gave him a sardonic smile and shrugged, "it's OK, Danny. Most of the time it was enough to be close to her, but once in a while it was like being outside a locked candy store and looking in the window."
"And now?"
"Well, Vicky has had part of my heart half of my life, you know. I don't feel lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing out on something important. And it's not like she's a substitute for Carter. I feel...healed in some way."
Daniel went up and spontaneously hugged jack, "I'm happy for you."
"Well, so am I, just don't hug me again or people will talk and it would break most of the women on the base's hearts."
Daniel blushed but knew that Jack really didn't mind being hugged as much as he wanted people to think.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Lisa was trying to con Michael into helping her escape the infirmary when she heard, "May I come in?" She looked up and saw on officer that she didn't know at the door.
"Ma'am, yes, Ma'am."
"As you were Gunnery Sergeant. SGT Chang, I am General Valentine and I would like to have a few words with you, it you don't mind."
"Ma'am, no, Ma'am."
"I wanted to see, first of all how you were doing."
"I'm doing much better, Ma'am. As a matter of fact I was surprised how much better that I felt this morning." What Lisa didn't know was that a certain Major had sneaked into her room in the early hours of the morning while Lisa was asleep and used a Go'ould healing device on her. She wasn't completely healed; Sam didn't want anyone to be suspisous, but Lisa was much better.
"Well, that's wonderful. Now I would like to talk to you about the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
Gunny tensed his jaw and clenched his fists to help keep himself from laughing. Lisa turned pale and said, "Ma'am?"
"The General gushed at her, "I just wanted you to know that I'm one hundred percent behind the project. In fact I have already contacted the Pentagon and begun the preliminary work to have all of the services represented with a varied ethnic mix."
Chang gaped at her horrified, "Ma'am, I really don't think that I...you don't under..."
"Nonsense, Sergeant, I think you're just being modest. I think you will be a perfect role model for young girls.""
"But, Ma'am..."
"Well, I'll let you get some rest. Gunny, it was nice meeting you." Michael just nodded because if he opened his mouth he would lose it. As soon as the General left he collapsed in a nearby chair laughing hysterically.
Lisa turned and glared at him, "I'm glad you find this amusing, Michael. I am going to be in so much trouble when everyone finds out. I could be court marshaled."
Michael's response was to laugh harder. "Article fifteen, guilty of "Action Figure".
Lisa started to giggle, she had to admit when he put it that way it was pretty funny.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Valentine went to Hammond's office and when she was seated reported her progress with her investigation. Then she said, "I also met SGT Chang. I think she is such a perfect model for the action figure."
"Action figure? What are you talking about?"
"Oh, they probably didn't notify you, too. I hadn't been notified either. Anyway, Chang is going to be the model for an official action figure, "Marine Lisa". I thought it was such a good idea that I got my people at the Pentagon moving on one for every service."
"No, I haven't heard anything about it." It was clear from the expression on his face that he didn't like things happening on his base that he didn't know about.
"Don't get your shorts in a twist, George. It's not like it's a matter of security. Besides all Base Commanders have things go on that they don't know about. Hell, I'm sure there are a lot of things that go on that you're glad that you DON'T know about."
When he thought about both O'Neill's, Ferretti, and a few others, he knew she was right about that.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Hammond wanted to see how Chang was doing; besides he wanted to ask about the whole action figure thing. He peeked into her room and saw that not only was she awake, but she was working on a laptop. "I didn't think that the doctor had cleared you to do any work."
Chang jumped and looked up with a very guilty expression, "General, you startled me."
He smiled, "And no doubt caught you in the act."
She blushed and Hammond said, "I must say you look much better today. How do you feel?"
"I feel much better, Sir. As a matter of fact I have been going out of my mind with boredom. Captain O'Neill felt sorry for me and brought me my laptop. Plus, I suspect that she felt that I would be less likely to try to escape if I had something to keep me busy and at least this way I'm still in bed."
"Well, as long as you promise not to over due it, I won't tell the doctor. Besides, I think the Captain was probably right, we have a better chance of keeping you in bed this way."
"Gee, thanks, Sir."
"Another thing that I wanted to talk you about was this action figure."
Lisa paled again. //would this thing ever go away\\ "Umm...General...it was just a joke that kind of got out of hand."
"What kind of joke." Gone was the smiling man; in his place was a pissed off looking General.
//crap, I am so court marshaled\\ "Well, Captain O'Neill...Gunny knew it was a joke but I'm not sure Ferretti did, then the Colonel knew but Dr. Jackson didn't then he told Major Carter..."
After some questioning the General finally managed to get the full story.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
An obviously furious Hammond stalked back to his office, parting personnel like Moses parted the Red Sea. One look at his face and everyone went scurrying away, not even bothering to pick up dropped objects. He stopped at the control room and reached down to the microphone and paged, "Captain O'Neill, to my office NOW."
Leaving the rest of the base thinking //thank God it isn't me\\
When Vicky came into his office the General said without looking up, "Shut the door, Captain."
//oh, shit, I am in deep doodoo\\ she stood at attention, staring at a stop on the wall over his head. He left her like that for several minutes, ignoring her. This was an old trick of officers used to intimidate their subordinates. Even though Vicky knew that, it did nothing to dispel her panic. Besides having respect as a General she didn't want to disappoint her uncle.
Finally he looked up and stared at her for a minute. Then he got up and walked around the desk and stood in front of her. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, CAPTAIN?" He was do loud that the people in the control room could hear him clearly, again making them grateful that they were not the ones in there.
"General?"
"I am referring to the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
"Umm...General...that was just a joke. Can I help it if some people believed it?"
His face got redder, "SOME PEOPLE includes General Jennifer Valentine."
"Shit!"
"Shit, indeed. Not only does she believe it, she thinks it's such a good idea that she having her people do one for every service."
//OK, this is not funny, I will not laugh, I will not laugh...\\
"So, what the HELL do you suggest we do about this?"
Vicky thought a moment then said, let them?"
"Excuse me?"
"Respectfully, General, I suggest we let them make the action figures. I mean, it really is a good idea for little girls to get an idea that they can have a career in the Military. So even though it started out as a joke, maybe some good will come out of it."
George could not believe what had come out of his niece's mouth. The audacity, but the more he thought about it the more he could not come up with a better solution. And, by God, it really was a good idea. "Alright, Captain, but if one word of this EVER gets out..."
"Not a chance, General."
"OK then, dismissed."
Vicky left the General's office looked suitably cowed. She couldn't wait to tell Jack. He would laugh his ass off.
Monday SG-1 was briefed for an off world mission for Tuesday morning. Things at the SGC began to return to normal after a traumatizing week. Teal'c had agreed to continue training classes for women in hand-to-hand combat; he believed that every one should be as prepared as possible.
After the briefing Carter had gone to check on something in another and walked into an argument between tow scientists. "What's going on here?"
"Sorry, Major, we were having a disagreement about designs for weapons for the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
"So show me the design."
One of the scientists brightened and unrolled a large piece of paper.
"This is a Zat."
"Exactly."
"You can't give an official action figure a weapon that is alien technology."
The other scientist snickered and said, "that's what I said."
"But we can say that the are advanced weapons designed by our military."
Sam gaped at him, "no, we can't. That is a breach of national security and treason. You'll just have to design something else."
"Something else for what?" Sam turned around at the voice and snapped to attention. In the doorway stood a female General.
"Ma'am."
"At ease Major. Something else for what?"
"They were designing weapons for the "Marine Lisa" action figure and wanted to include a Zat. We can't really give girls a toy that is based on actual alien technology."
"We certainly can't. Now what is this "Marine Lisa" action figure? By the way, I'm General Jennifer Valentine, the Pentagon's lesion for female personnel."
"It's an action figure modeled after Tech SGT Lisa Chang. It's meant to give girls a more positive, realistic idea of military life and it's opportunities for women."
"That's an excellent idea. I wonder why I wasn't informed of it?"
"Maybe inter-service rivalry?"
"That's probably it, it's always a real pain in my ass. We should have one representing every service, with different ethnical groups representing the diversity of the military."
"Wow, Ma'am, that's a great idea. I sure wish they had them when I was growing up, maybe I would have actually played with dolls. Can I do anything to help you, Ma'am?"
"I'll certainly let you know, Major. The purpose for my visit, however, is the series of attacks that ended with Major Martin's arrest last week."
"I want to show you some research that Captain O'Neill and I did on the Major's background."
"Yes, I want to see everything that you have. I have also down some research on my own and we can compare notes. You would not believe the number of women that I think were attacked by this animal."
"Oh, I think I would." Carter turned to the scientists before she and the General left and said, "go for original designs, no alien technology. Think of it as an exercise, let your imaginations go wild. You can design anything and you don't even have to make them really work."
The scientists brightened considerable at the prospect and turned excitedly to their drawing boards.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
General Valentine and Major Carter went to Vicky's lab and Sam tapped one the door. "Come in." When Vicky looked up and saw Sam with a General she snapped to attention. Sam introduced the General she had told O'Neill to stand at ease and stuck her hand out to shake her hand.
"Ma'am."
"It's good to meet you Captain. I read the report about Martin's capture."
"I had plenty of back-up, Ma'am. I might be a little brave but I'm not stupid."
"Glad to here it. You also were instrumental in doing the research on him."
"All I did was talk to some of the women who I suspected were attacked and when assured that everything would be off the record they gave me a good start. Major Carter did most of the actual research, Ma'am."
"Well, I'd like to see everything that you have on him. I have found that there is a common problem with this kind of attack in that the women are unwilling to report it and the men just get transferred from base to base to find a fresh crop of victims."
"If you'll sit at my desk, I'll be happy to show you what we have." When she gestured for the General Sam noticed a flash of light off of Vicky's hand. Sam quietly moved a little so that she could get a better look.
//damn, she's wearing weddings rings. I guess I know what happened when they went home Saturday night. I love Pete so why am I still hurt? Maybe I should see if Alex has some free time today\\
"Right, Sam?"
"Umm...I'm sorry my mind wondered to the mission tomorrow." //good recovery. I can't let Vicky know I'm upset\\
"Here, why don't you go over this with the General? You are more familiar with the data."
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Jack being Jack was bored and went to harass Daniel, one of his favorite amusements. "So, Danny, Whatcha doing?"
"I'm going over the UVA pictures of the ruins of the planet we are going to tomorrow." He knew from experience not to bother with the planet's designation because Jack would have no idea what he was talking about and he would have to explain. It was easier to just say that planet. "They're fascinating."
"Umm...I bet." Daniel looked up and caught Jack handling a priceless artifact. When he snatched it out of Jack's hand he noticed the wedding ring.
"Something you want to tell me, Jack?"
"Huh?" Then he saw Daniel staring at his hand, "oh, that. We've kind of decided to try to work things out."
Daniel peered at Jack over the rims of his glasses. "What about Sam?"
Jack put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth a few times looking at the floor. Daniel almost repeated the question but decided that his friend was composing his thoughts and would give him some time to think about it. Finally Jack looked Daniel in the eye.
"I care...hell you know, Daniel, I love Carter and I always will, but loving her and not being able to be with her in some ways made me lonelier."
"Jack, I had no idea..."
Jack gave him a sardonic smile and shrugged, "it's OK, Danny. Most of the time it was enough to be close to her, but once in a while it was like being outside a locked candy store and looking in the window."
"And now?"
"Well, Vicky has had part of my heart half of my life, you know. I don't feel lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing out on something important. And it's not like she's a substitute for Carter. I feel...healed in some way."
Daniel went up and spontaneously hugged jack, "I'm happy for you."
"Well, so am I, just don't hug me again or people will talk and it would break most of the women on the base's hearts."
Daniel blushed but knew that Jack really didn't mind being hugged as much as he wanted people to think.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Lisa was trying to con Michael into helping her escape the infirmary when she heard, "May I come in?" She looked up and saw on officer that she didn't know at the door.
"Ma'am, yes, Ma'am."
"As you were Gunnery Sergeant. SGT Chang, I am General Valentine and I would like to have a few words with you, it you don't mind."
"Ma'am, no, Ma'am."
"I wanted to see, first of all how you were doing."
"I'm doing much better, Ma'am. As a matter of fact I was surprised how much better that I felt this morning." What Lisa didn't know was that a certain Major had sneaked into her room in the early hours of the morning while Lisa was asleep and used a Go'ould healing device on her. She wasn't completely healed; Sam didn't want anyone to be suspisous, but Lisa was much better.
"Well, that's wonderful. Now I would like to talk to you about the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
Gunny tensed his jaw and clenched his fists to help keep himself from laughing. Lisa turned pale and said, "Ma'am?"
"The General gushed at her, "I just wanted you to know that I'm one hundred percent behind the project. In fact I have already contacted the Pentagon and begun the preliminary work to have all of the services represented with a varied ethnic mix."
Chang gaped at her horrified, "Ma'am, I really don't think that I...you don't under..."
"Nonsense, Sergeant, I think you're just being modest. I think you will be a perfect role model for young girls.""
"But, Ma'am..."
"Well, I'll let you get some rest. Gunny, it was nice meeting you." Michael just nodded because if he opened his mouth he would lose it. As soon as the General left he collapsed in a nearby chair laughing hysterically.
Lisa turned and glared at him, "I'm glad you find this amusing, Michael. I am going to be in so much trouble when everyone finds out. I could be court marshaled."
Michael's response was to laugh harder. "Article fifteen, guilty of "Action Figure".
Lisa started to giggle, she had to admit when he put it that way it was pretty funny.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Valentine went to Hammond's office and when she was seated reported her progress with her investigation. Then she said, "I also met SGT Chang. I think she is such a perfect model for the action figure."
"Action figure? What are you talking about?"
"Oh, they probably didn't notify you, too. I hadn't been notified either. Anyway, Chang is going to be the model for an official action figure, "Marine Lisa". I thought it was such a good idea that I got my people at the Pentagon moving on one for every service."
"No, I haven't heard anything about it." It was clear from the expression on his face that he didn't like things happening on his base that he didn't know about.
"Don't get your shorts in a twist, George. It's not like it's a matter of security. Besides all Base Commanders have things go on that they don't know about. Hell, I'm sure there are a lot of things that go on that you're glad that you DON'T know about."
When he thought about both O'Neill's, Ferretti, and a few others, he knew she was right about that.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
Hammond wanted to see how Chang was doing; besides he wanted to ask about the whole action figure thing. He peeked into her room and saw that not only was she awake, but she was working on a laptop. "I didn't think that the doctor had cleared you to do any work."
Chang jumped and looked up with a very guilty expression, "General, you startled me."
He smiled, "And no doubt caught you in the act."
She blushed and Hammond said, "I must say you look much better today. How do you feel?"
"I feel much better, Sir. As a matter of fact I have been going out of my mind with boredom. Captain O'Neill felt sorry for me and brought me my laptop. Plus, I suspect that she felt that I would be less likely to try to escape if I had something to keep me busy and at least this way I'm still in bed."
"Well, as long as you promise not to over due it, I won't tell the doctor. Besides, I think the Captain was probably right, we have a better chance of keeping you in bed this way."
"Gee, thanks, Sir."
"Another thing that I wanted to talk you about was this action figure."
Lisa paled again. //would this thing ever go away\\ "Umm...General...it was just a joke that kind of got out of hand."
"What kind of joke." Gone was the smiling man; in his place was a pissed off looking General.
//crap, I am so court marshaled\\ "Well, Captain O'Neill...Gunny knew it was a joke but I'm not sure Ferretti did, then the Colonel knew but Dr. Jackson didn't then he told Major Carter..."
After some questioning the General finally managed to get the full story.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
An obviously furious Hammond stalked back to his office, parting personnel like Moses parted the Red Sea. One look at his face and everyone went scurrying away, not even bothering to pick up dropped objects. He stopped at the control room and reached down to the microphone and paged, "Captain O'Neill, to my office NOW."
Leaving the rest of the base thinking //thank God it isn't me\\
When Vicky came into his office the General said without looking up, "Shut the door, Captain."
//oh, shit, I am in deep doodoo\\ she stood at attention, staring at a stop on the wall over his head. He left her like that for several minutes, ignoring her. This was an old trick of officers used to intimidate their subordinates. Even though Vicky knew that, it did nothing to dispel her panic. Besides having respect as a General she didn't want to disappoint her uncle.
Finally he looked up and stared at her for a minute. Then he got up and walked around the desk and stood in front of her. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, CAPTAIN?" He was do loud that the people in the control room could hear him clearly, again making them grateful that they were not the ones in there.
"General?"
"I am referring to the "Marine Lisa" action figure."
"Umm...General...that was just a joke. Can I help it if some people believed it?"
His face got redder, "SOME PEOPLE includes General Jennifer Valentine."
"Shit!"
"Shit, indeed. Not only does she believe it, she thinks it's such a good idea that she having her people do one for every service."
//OK, this is not funny, I will not laugh, I will not laugh...\\
"So, what the HELL do you suggest we do about this?"
Vicky thought a moment then said, let them?"
"Excuse me?"
"Respectfully, General, I suggest we let them make the action figures. I mean, it really is a good idea for little girls to get an idea that they can have a career in the Military. So even though it started out as a joke, maybe some good will come out of it."
George could not believe what had come out of his niece's mouth. The audacity, but the more he thought about it the more he could not come up with a better solution. And, by God, it really was a good idea. "Alright, Captain, but if one word of this EVER gets out..."
"Not a chance, General."
"OK then, dismissed."
Vicky left the General's office looked suitably cowed. She couldn't wait to tell Jack. He would laugh his ass off.