Disclaimer:: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They all own
themselves.
Characters:: Trish Stratus, Edge, Stacy, mystery character
Rating:: PG-13.. for mentions of death and language.
Note:: The lyrics in this story are from the song 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. That's also where I got the title. I'm not using the whole song, though... just a few parts.
*~*My Heart Will Go On*~*
"Miss Stratus, I'm sorry, but we lost him."
"No! No... it's not possible!" Trish Stratus yelled. She collapsed into the nearest chair as she buried her head in her hands. "He... I... he can't be gone. I need him here."
Trish's best friend, Stacy Keibler, sat down in the chair next to her, quickly pulling Trish into her arms. "Shh... Trish, you'll be okay. Everything will be fine."
"Everything *won't* be fine!!" Trish countered. "He's gone... and he... he left me all alone. He has to come back to me."
"I'm so sorry about your loss," The doctor sympathized. "I'll leave you alone now." After offering Trish a sympathizing pat on the shoulder, the doctor turned and walked away.
"Trish, sweetie, are you okay?"
Shaking her head, Trish tried to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, but more just fell from her eyes. "He can't be gone. This is all a dream, right?"
"I wish it was, but it's not."
"Stacy, he can't be gone. He just can't! He... he told me that he'd never leave me. He said I'd never be alone. He lied to me."
Feeling herself tear up, Stacy pulled Trish close again, knowing she couldn't let Trish see her cry. She had to be strong for her friend. "Come on, Trish," She whispered. "Lets get you home. You could use some rest."
Too tired to resist, Trish let Stacy help her out of the chair, and out of the hospital where the love of her life had just died.
*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Trish looked at him with wide eyes. "Me? You have no right to tell me what to do!"
"I'm only looking out for your best interest!"
"Best interest my ass! Think whatever you want... but, you're wrong."
Sighing, he reached out to touch her shoulder, but, Trish quickly pulled away.
"Leave me alone," She muttered.
"Fine, you want me to leave you alone? I'll leave you alone. Have a good night. Bye."
Still ignoring him, Trish walked to their room, wincing slightly when she heard him slam the door as he left.
She knew their argument was stupid, but it still made her angry. Sighing and shaking it off, Trish sat down on the bed, figuring that he'd end up calling her the next day to apologize. All would be well enough tomorrow. Or so she thought.
*~*~*
Later that night, Trish tossed and turned in her bed, feeling completely and utterly alone. The bed felt so empty, so cold. She fought the urge to break down and cry for the umpteenth time that night. Her head was already pounding, and she could barely see straight. She just felt so numb, yet she was in so much pain. "I miss you," She whispered to the empty space in her bed. She couldn't believe that right after he'd left that night, there had been a goddamn drunk driver wandering around in his car. And, he just had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He'd killed him. No, *she'd* killed him. It was all her fault. Trish knew she'd done it. If she hadn't blown their little fight out of proportion, then he wouldn't have left. And, if he hadn't left, he wouldn't have died. It was all her fault. A few stray tears made their way down Trish's cheeks, but she was way too tired to brush them away. She let her eyes wander over to the clock on her nightstand. It read '4:54'. It was nearly five in the morning, but she still couldn't sleep. Vince McMahon had called her and asked if she'd like some time off. She'd agreed, and asked for two weeks. Vince said she could extend her break if she needed to. They were planning on having a memorial ceremony for him the next night on Raw. Trish knew it was going to be impossible for her to go. She would go even more crazy than she already was. She could only imagine how hard it would be on Stacy, Adam, Andrew, Matt, and everyone else.
~Every night in my dreams~ ~I see you. I feel you.~ ~That is how I know you go on.~
Sighing, Trish closed her eyes and tried to rewind time. In her mind, she erased the whole argument they'd had that night... and instead of him leaving angry, he stayed and they'd went to bed, cuddled up in each other's arms. Oh, how she'd pay someone to let her cuddle with him again. She could almost feel his skin against hers. Almost. Trying to hold back tears, the last words Trish whispered before she drifted off to sleep were, "Come back to me. Come back..."
*~*~*
ONE WEEK LATER
*~*~*
Staring into her cup of tea, Trish sighed again. She took a small sip as she looked around at the objects on her table. There was a bottle of sleeping pills, which was only half full since she'd been taking at least two every night for the past week. It was the only way she could get to sleep without nightmares of the night he died. She knew it was all her fault. If she hadn't yelled at him for something stupid, something that didn't even matter anymore... if she hadn't yelled at him, he wouldn't have left, and he would still be with him. She would be in his arms right now. She would be able to feel his strong arms wrapped around her much smaller body. She would be able to kiss his amazing lips. She would be with him. She needed him. She couldn't live without him. That's why she had to be with him. Even if that meant she had to die. She looked at the other pills on the table. There were some aspirin, some pain pills from when she'd hurt her ankle a while ago, and then there was the last object... a knife. She still didn't know how she wanted to do it. Maybe take the pills and then slit her wrists. Or, maybe she'd just do one. She also had some whiskey in one of her cupboards... she could always down some of that and then take a handful of pills. All she knew was that she couldn't go on without him. He was her world, and now that he was gone, there was no reason to live.
~Love can touch us one time~ ~And last for a lifetime~ ~And never go till we're one~
With a shaky right hand, she reached over and picked up the knife. It was one of his pocket knives. She figured it was sharp enough to do the damage she needed it to do. She didn't know much about this sort of thing, but she knew that if she cut her wrists, she'd do what she needed to do soon enough. Her only problem was the actual idea of cutting herself up with a knife. Sure, it would easier for her to take the pills with some alcohol, but it would be faster to just slit her wrists. Now, all she had to do was work up the courage. In mere minutes, she would be with the only person who ever truly loved and understood her. "I'll see you soon, baby," She mumbled, her voice shaky, and tears falling from her eyes, making their way down her cheeks, to her lips, and falling off her chin. She didn't even bother to wipe them away, too focused on the knife she held in her shaky hand.
~There is some love that will not go away~
Right as she brought the knife to her wrist, ready to slice away, she heard her phone ring from the living room. She jumped about five feet in the air. Sighing, she ignored the ringing and focused her attention back on the knife and her wrist. Just as she was about to touch the knife to her skin, she heard a familiar voice come on her answering machine.
"Trish... it's me, Adam. Sweetie, it's been a week, and no one's heard from you. We're all scared. Stacy tried to call you a bunch of times, and she said you never answered. I understand how upset you are... we're all upset. I miss him beyond belief, but hiding in your apartment alone isn't going to get rid of the pain. I know I can't make the pain go away, but I wanna help. Just... just give me a call when you get a chance, okay? We all miss hearing from you, and you're scaring us. Don't do anything crazy, please. Bye."
Dropping the knife, Trish rested her head in her hands. As much as she appreciated Adam caring about her, he didn't understand how she felt. He would never understand. He hadn't lost the love of his life. He still had his wife with him. He could still be happy. There was no way Trish could be happy again.
Giving up for the night, she grabbed two sleeping pills and popped them into her mouth, followed by a quick sip of water. Tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day. The ending of it all.
*~*~*
The next day, Trish sat at her kitchen table, a piece of paper in front of her, and a pen in her hand. After a quick thought, she wrote down everything she wanted to say.
*Everyone,
I'm so sorry for leaving you like this. If I was a stronger person, I would stay. But, I'm not strong. The love of my life is gone, and there is no longer a reason for me to live. Stacy, Adam, everyone else, thank you for worrying about me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made it this long. I would love to stay and be a happy and carefree person again, but that's just not possible. I have to go... but, I'll see you all when it's your time to come .
Love, Trish*
Happy with the note, Trish pushed it aside. Grabbing the knife sitting beside her, she got up and went to sit in one corner of her living room. It was now or never. Her final chance to go. The pain would soon end. She could see him again. They could be happy.
~Far across the distance~ ~And spaces between us~
Closing her eyes, Trish placed the knife against her wrist. It was cold against her warm skin. She pressed down until she felt the sharp blade pierce her skin. She winced at the pain, but she knew it was too late to stop. A little bit more and it was all over...
"Trish! Trish, are you there?"
Shit. It sounded like Adam at her door. She couldn't stop. She just couldn't.
Adam continued to call out to her for a few more moments, then all of a sudden, the noise stopped. Assuming Adam had left, Trish pushed the knife further into her skin. She felt blood trickle down the side of her wrist, but she couldn't stop. She was so close to seeing him again...
"Trish, are you here?"
Jumping, Trish opened her eyes, noticing Adam looking for her. He must've made his way in the back door. Damn her for not locking it. Dropping the knife behind her, Trish hid her wrist behind her back, ignoring the sharp, stinging feeling in her wrist.
"Trish, there you are!" Adam called out, making his way over to her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Trish replied quietly.
"You don't look fine," Adam countered. "You look pale. Let me get you something to drink."
Trish didn't even bother to object. Instead, she stayed where she was, with her wrist hidden behind her back. She could feel the blood dripping down into her hand, but she ignored the sickening feeling in her stomach.
"Trish, what is this?" Adam asked, his voice sounding far away. Trish looked up, noticing a piece of paper in his hand. The note she'd written. Adam was reading her suicide note. "Trish, no."
Looking down at the floor, Trish felt more tears well up in her eyes.
In seconds, Adam was by her side, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Trish, why are you hiding your arm?" Reaching his hand behind her, Adam pulled Trish's arm out into the open. He gasped at the sight of the blood that was covering her arm. "No, sweetie, no."
Closing her eyes, Trish felt warm tears trickle down her cheeks. "I have to be with him," She muttered, her voice barely understandable.
"Trish, sweetie, you can't do it this way. You can't do this to yourself. He wouldn't want you to."
"I need to be with him," She repeated, trying to steady her voice.
Adam quickly got up and walked away, coming back seconds later with a wet washcloth in his hand. He grabbed Trish's wrist and pressed the washcloth to it, ignoring Trish's hisses of pain. With his left hand, he held the wet piece of cloth against Trish's with, and with his right arm, he pulled Trish close to him.
"Sweetie, how could you think of doing this?"
Taking a few deep breaths, Trish replied, "I love him. I have to be with him. I just... I don't think I can live without him."
"Do you really think he'd want you to kill yourself on account of him?" When she didn't respond, Adam continued. "I know how upset you are. I know how much you loved him. He loved you too. You were his world. But, he loved you so much, that he wouldn't want you to end your life so young, just because of him."
"But, it's my fault he's gone."
"How can you even say that?"
"The night he died... we had a fight over something stupid. I told him to leave me alone, and he did. He left. And, then, two hours later, I got the call saying he'd been hit by a drunk driver. He died all because of my stupidity. I deserve to die, not him."
"Trish... don't even say that! You don't deserve to die... no matter what you think. He was my best friend, and I know he wouldn't want you to die. He wants you to be happy... even if it's without him. You can love him all you want, and you can miss him forever, but you can't end your life because of him. Death is never the solution. Please, please listen to me."
"I just... I want... no, I *need* to be with him. He was my reason for living. If he's dead, why should I live?"
"You can't just live for him. Live for yourself. He'll always be with you in spirit. He loved more than you could ever know... I promise you that. Please, just don't do this to yourself. We all love you, and we need you here with us."
Sighing, Trish pulled herself up, ignoring the dizzy feeling she was getting. She slowly walked past Adam, out onto her balcony. It had started to rain, and she stretched her arm out, letting the rain wash away the blood. She closed her eyes, and let her tears mix with the rain. She heard Adam come outside right behind her, but she didn't acknowledge him.
"Trish, tell him how you feel. He can hear you."
Nodding, Trish looked up at the sky. "I... I love you. I've loved since the day we met. I'll love you until the day I die. No matter what happens to either of us, you'll always be number one to me. You'll always be here for me. I know that. And, I know that death can't separate us. We'll always be together in spirit. I love Jason Reso. I'll love you forever."
~Near, far, wherever you are~ ~I believe that the heart does go on~ ~Once more you open the door~ ~And you're here in my heart~ ~And my heart will go on and on~
*~*~*
Wow... I almost made myself cry writing that. I hope everyone liked it. *Nicole*
Characters:: Trish Stratus, Edge, Stacy, mystery character
Rating:: PG-13.. for mentions of death and language.
Note:: The lyrics in this story are from the song 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. That's also where I got the title. I'm not using the whole song, though... just a few parts.
*~*My Heart Will Go On*~*
"Miss Stratus, I'm sorry, but we lost him."
"No! No... it's not possible!" Trish Stratus yelled. She collapsed into the nearest chair as she buried her head in her hands. "He... I... he can't be gone. I need him here."
Trish's best friend, Stacy Keibler, sat down in the chair next to her, quickly pulling Trish into her arms. "Shh... Trish, you'll be okay. Everything will be fine."
"Everything *won't* be fine!!" Trish countered. "He's gone... and he... he left me all alone. He has to come back to me."
"I'm so sorry about your loss," The doctor sympathized. "I'll leave you alone now." After offering Trish a sympathizing pat on the shoulder, the doctor turned and walked away.
"Trish, sweetie, are you okay?"
Shaking her head, Trish tried to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, but more just fell from her eyes. "He can't be gone. This is all a dream, right?"
"I wish it was, but it's not."
"Stacy, he can't be gone. He just can't! He... he told me that he'd never leave me. He said I'd never be alone. He lied to me."
Feeling herself tear up, Stacy pulled Trish close again, knowing she couldn't let Trish see her cry. She had to be strong for her friend. "Come on, Trish," She whispered. "Lets get you home. You could use some rest."
Too tired to resist, Trish let Stacy help her out of the chair, and out of the hospital where the love of her life had just died.
*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Trish looked at him with wide eyes. "Me? You have no right to tell me what to do!"
"I'm only looking out for your best interest!"
"Best interest my ass! Think whatever you want... but, you're wrong."
Sighing, he reached out to touch her shoulder, but, Trish quickly pulled away.
"Leave me alone," She muttered.
"Fine, you want me to leave you alone? I'll leave you alone. Have a good night. Bye."
Still ignoring him, Trish walked to their room, wincing slightly when she heard him slam the door as he left.
She knew their argument was stupid, but it still made her angry. Sighing and shaking it off, Trish sat down on the bed, figuring that he'd end up calling her the next day to apologize. All would be well enough tomorrow. Or so she thought.
*~*~*
Later that night, Trish tossed and turned in her bed, feeling completely and utterly alone. The bed felt so empty, so cold. She fought the urge to break down and cry for the umpteenth time that night. Her head was already pounding, and she could barely see straight. She just felt so numb, yet she was in so much pain. "I miss you," She whispered to the empty space in her bed. She couldn't believe that right after he'd left that night, there had been a goddamn drunk driver wandering around in his car. And, he just had to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He'd killed him. No, *she'd* killed him. It was all her fault. Trish knew she'd done it. If she hadn't blown their little fight out of proportion, then he wouldn't have left. And, if he hadn't left, he wouldn't have died. It was all her fault. A few stray tears made their way down Trish's cheeks, but she was way too tired to brush them away. She let her eyes wander over to the clock on her nightstand. It read '4:54'. It was nearly five in the morning, but she still couldn't sleep. Vince McMahon had called her and asked if she'd like some time off. She'd agreed, and asked for two weeks. Vince said she could extend her break if she needed to. They were planning on having a memorial ceremony for him the next night on Raw. Trish knew it was going to be impossible for her to go. She would go even more crazy than she already was. She could only imagine how hard it would be on Stacy, Adam, Andrew, Matt, and everyone else.
~Every night in my dreams~ ~I see you. I feel you.~ ~That is how I know you go on.~
Sighing, Trish closed her eyes and tried to rewind time. In her mind, she erased the whole argument they'd had that night... and instead of him leaving angry, he stayed and they'd went to bed, cuddled up in each other's arms. Oh, how she'd pay someone to let her cuddle with him again. She could almost feel his skin against hers. Almost. Trying to hold back tears, the last words Trish whispered before she drifted off to sleep were, "Come back to me. Come back..."
*~*~*
ONE WEEK LATER
*~*~*
Staring into her cup of tea, Trish sighed again. She took a small sip as she looked around at the objects on her table. There was a bottle of sleeping pills, which was only half full since she'd been taking at least two every night for the past week. It was the only way she could get to sleep without nightmares of the night he died. She knew it was all her fault. If she hadn't yelled at him for something stupid, something that didn't even matter anymore... if she hadn't yelled at him, he wouldn't have left, and he would still be with him. She would be in his arms right now. She would be able to feel his strong arms wrapped around her much smaller body. She would be able to kiss his amazing lips. She would be with him. She needed him. She couldn't live without him. That's why she had to be with him. Even if that meant she had to die. She looked at the other pills on the table. There were some aspirin, some pain pills from when she'd hurt her ankle a while ago, and then there was the last object... a knife. She still didn't know how she wanted to do it. Maybe take the pills and then slit her wrists. Or, maybe she'd just do one. She also had some whiskey in one of her cupboards... she could always down some of that and then take a handful of pills. All she knew was that she couldn't go on without him. He was her world, and now that he was gone, there was no reason to live.
~Love can touch us one time~ ~And last for a lifetime~ ~And never go till we're one~
With a shaky right hand, she reached over and picked up the knife. It was one of his pocket knives. She figured it was sharp enough to do the damage she needed it to do. She didn't know much about this sort of thing, but she knew that if she cut her wrists, she'd do what she needed to do soon enough. Her only problem was the actual idea of cutting herself up with a knife. Sure, it would easier for her to take the pills with some alcohol, but it would be faster to just slit her wrists. Now, all she had to do was work up the courage. In mere minutes, she would be with the only person who ever truly loved and understood her. "I'll see you soon, baby," She mumbled, her voice shaky, and tears falling from her eyes, making their way down her cheeks, to her lips, and falling off her chin. She didn't even bother to wipe them away, too focused on the knife she held in her shaky hand.
~There is some love that will not go away~
Right as she brought the knife to her wrist, ready to slice away, she heard her phone ring from the living room. She jumped about five feet in the air. Sighing, she ignored the ringing and focused her attention back on the knife and her wrist. Just as she was about to touch the knife to her skin, she heard a familiar voice come on her answering machine.
"Trish... it's me, Adam. Sweetie, it's been a week, and no one's heard from you. We're all scared. Stacy tried to call you a bunch of times, and she said you never answered. I understand how upset you are... we're all upset. I miss him beyond belief, but hiding in your apartment alone isn't going to get rid of the pain. I know I can't make the pain go away, but I wanna help. Just... just give me a call when you get a chance, okay? We all miss hearing from you, and you're scaring us. Don't do anything crazy, please. Bye."
Dropping the knife, Trish rested her head in her hands. As much as she appreciated Adam caring about her, he didn't understand how she felt. He would never understand. He hadn't lost the love of his life. He still had his wife with him. He could still be happy. There was no way Trish could be happy again.
Giving up for the night, she grabbed two sleeping pills and popped them into her mouth, followed by a quick sip of water. Tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day. The ending of it all.
*~*~*
The next day, Trish sat at her kitchen table, a piece of paper in front of her, and a pen in her hand. After a quick thought, she wrote down everything she wanted to say.
*Everyone,
I'm so sorry for leaving you like this. If I was a stronger person, I would stay. But, I'm not strong. The love of my life is gone, and there is no longer a reason for me to live. Stacy, Adam, everyone else, thank you for worrying about me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made it this long. I would love to stay and be a happy and carefree person again, but that's just not possible. I have to go... but, I'll see you all when it's your time to come .
Love, Trish*
Happy with the note, Trish pushed it aside. Grabbing the knife sitting beside her, she got up and went to sit in one corner of her living room. It was now or never. Her final chance to go. The pain would soon end. She could see him again. They could be happy.
~Far across the distance~ ~And spaces between us~
Closing her eyes, Trish placed the knife against her wrist. It was cold against her warm skin. She pressed down until she felt the sharp blade pierce her skin. She winced at the pain, but she knew it was too late to stop. A little bit more and it was all over...
"Trish! Trish, are you there?"
Shit. It sounded like Adam at her door. She couldn't stop. She just couldn't.
Adam continued to call out to her for a few more moments, then all of a sudden, the noise stopped. Assuming Adam had left, Trish pushed the knife further into her skin. She felt blood trickle down the side of her wrist, but she couldn't stop. She was so close to seeing him again...
"Trish, are you here?"
Jumping, Trish opened her eyes, noticing Adam looking for her. He must've made his way in the back door. Damn her for not locking it. Dropping the knife behind her, Trish hid her wrist behind her back, ignoring the sharp, stinging feeling in her wrist.
"Trish, there you are!" Adam called out, making his way over to her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Trish replied quietly.
"You don't look fine," Adam countered. "You look pale. Let me get you something to drink."
Trish didn't even bother to object. Instead, she stayed where she was, with her wrist hidden behind her back. She could feel the blood dripping down into her hand, but she ignored the sickening feeling in her stomach.
"Trish, what is this?" Adam asked, his voice sounding far away. Trish looked up, noticing a piece of paper in his hand. The note she'd written. Adam was reading her suicide note. "Trish, no."
Looking down at the floor, Trish felt more tears well up in her eyes.
In seconds, Adam was by her side, an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Trish, why are you hiding your arm?" Reaching his hand behind her, Adam pulled Trish's arm out into the open. He gasped at the sight of the blood that was covering her arm. "No, sweetie, no."
Closing her eyes, Trish felt warm tears trickle down her cheeks. "I have to be with him," She muttered, her voice barely understandable.
"Trish, sweetie, you can't do it this way. You can't do this to yourself. He wouldn't want you to."
"I need to be with him," She repeated, trying to steady her voice.
Adam quickly got up and walked away, coming back seconds later with a wet washcloth in his hand. He grabbed Trish's wrist and pressed the washcloth to it, ignoring Trish's hisses of pain. With his left hand, he held the wet piece of cloth against Trish's with, and with his right arm, he pulled Trish close to him.
"Sweetie, how could you think of doing this?"
Taking a few deep breaths, Trish replied, "I love him. I have to be with him. I just... I don't think I can live without him."
"Do you really think he'd want you to kill yourself on account of him?" When she didn't respond, Adam continued. "I know how upset you are. I know how much you loved him. He loved you too. You were his world. But, he loved you so much, that he wouldn't want you to end your life so young, just because of him."
"But, it's my fault he's gone."
"How can you even say that?"
"The night he died... we had a fight over something stupid. I told him to leave me alone, and he did. He left. And, then, two hours later, I got the call saying he'd been hit by a drunk driver. He died all because of my stupidity. I deserve to die, not him."
"Trish... don't even say that! You don't deserve to die... no matter what you think. He was my best friend, and I know he wouldn't want you to die. He wants you to be happy... even if it's without him. You can love him all you want, and you can miss him forever, but you can't end your life because of him. Death is never the solution. Please, please listen to me."
"I just... I want... no, I *need* to be with him. He was my reason for living. If he's dead, why should I live?"
"You can't just live for him. Live for yourself. He'll always be with you in spirit. He loved more than you could ever know... I promise you that. Please, just don't do this to yourself. We all love you, and we need you here with us."
Sighing, Trish pulled herself up, ignoring the dizzy feeling she was getting. She slowly walked past Adam, out onto her balcony. It had started to rain, and she stretched her arm out, letting the rain wash away the blood. She closed her eyes, and let her tears mix with the rain. She heard Adam come outside right behind her, but she didn't acknowledge him.
"Trish, tell him how you feel. He can hear you."
Nodding, Trish looked up at the sky. "I... I love you. I've loved since the day we met. I'll love you until the day I die. No matter what happens to either of us, you'll always be number one to me. You'll always be here for me. I know that. And, I know that death can't separate us. We'll always be together in spirit. I love Jason Reso. I'll love you forever."
~Near, far, wherever you are~ ~I believe that the heart does go on~ ~Once more you open the door~ ~And you're here in my heart~ ~And my heart will go on and on~
*~*~*
Wow... I almost made myself cry writing that. I hope everyone liked it. *Nicole*