Another boring Author's note: Over the past couple stories, we have come to one major conclusion. For an 18-year-old Animorph fanfic writer my grammar sucks. Sentence fragments, double negatives, I could care less. Well I hope you enjoy the 3rd absurdist parody of the fan-fiction you bled and sweat over. And they said Visser 3 was bad. J You asked for it and without further adieu….
THE CLICHÉ 3
"THE FINAL PARODY…Hopefully"
CHAPTER 1
My name is Steve-0, I can't tell you where I'm writing this from, because they'll find me. Who are they? The yeerks? Ha, I wish. At least I could step on one of them. I'm talking about those five crazy youths, which can go from being normal hormone-charged teenagers to abnormally charged ferrets. Let me explain apparently the god-like powers I've inherited from being a fanfic writer has enabled me to be socially excepted by the other insanely powerful characters in the Animorph books. I found this out after receiving an invitation to a Garden Club meeting held by the Ellimist. So it was me, the Ellimist, Crayak, the Drode, and some guy named Bob, whose job was to keep order and balance in the universe were all sitting around the patio table, drinking tea, and playing UNO.
" SO THEN I SENT THEM TO A FANFIC WHERE EVERY TYPE OF ANIMORPH WAS FIGHTING THE YEERKS. HAHAHAHA." I said.
"YAWN. BIG DEAL I SENT THEM TO A PLANET INHABITED BY A BUNCH OF VOYUERISTIC ALIENS WHO BUY PEOPLE'S PERSONAL MEMORIES AND THEN BROADCAST THEM." Crayak mused.
"PAPPERAZZIES?" I asked.
"UMM…NO." Crayak answered.
"SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR OUR LITTLE PAWNS, TODAY?" The Ellimist asked.
"I DON'T KNOW I THINK I'LL FORCE THEM TO READ ALL THE FANFICS THAT WERE RATED LESS THEN 2.O."
"THAT'S JUST PLAIN DEVIOUS!" The Crayak explained.
"I KNOW. I'LL GET STARTED RIGHT AWAY." I laughed, and then quickly vanished.
"YOU KNOW CRAYAK, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO GET EVEN WITH HIM EVER SINCE HE KILLED ME IN THE KANDRONIAN CHRONICLES."*(Shameless plug.) The Ellimist said.
"YES, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I, TOO HAVE BEEN SEEKING REVENGE AGAINST OUR YOUNG FRIEND EVER SINCE THE CLICHÉ 1. * (Another shameless plug.) LIKE YOU COULD EVER BEAT ME IN ARM WRESTLING." The Crayak agreed.
"ACTUALLY I COULD, SINCE YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY ARMS. NOW A STARING CONTEST THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY." The Ellimist said.
"Umm, why the hell am I in this story again?" The Drode asked.
"Plot filler." Bob, the universal janitor, answered.
"SO WHAT I THINK WE SHOULD DO IS. AS LONG AS STEVE-0 LOSES HIS ABILITY TO WRITE, THEN HE ALSO LOSES HIS POWERS OVER REALITY." The Ellimist continued.
"RIGHT, SO HOW DO WE GET THIS OVERGROWN CHIMP WITH A KEYBOARD TO STOP WRITING?" Crayak asked.
"I ALREADY GOT THAT FIGURED OUT." The Ellimist smiled.
CHAPTER 2
Meanwhile at Cassie's Barn…
"HAHAHAHA AND THEN YOU CLICK ON THE STORY, AND ALL THAT IS WRITTEN IS 1¾. ISN'T THAT FUNNY!"
"Uh…no." Jake said seriously.
"YES IT IS! IT"S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S STUPID."
"Much like your Cliché stories." Rachel added.
"OH THAT DOES IT, RACHEL. I'M MAKING AN OFFICIAL AUTHOR'S DECREE."
"What's that?" Rachel asked Marco.
"I don't know, and I bet you he doesn't know either." Marco whispered.
"MARCO, MARCO, MARCO, YOU"LL ALWAYS BE MY LEAST FAVORITE ANIMORPH."
"I suppose Tobias is your favorite because you both have bird brains." Marco retorted.
Hey, watch it! I don't want to be put up on the same intellectual level of this idiot! Tobias cried.
So what is your decree? Ax asked.
"FROM NOW ON RACHEL'S CATCH PHRASE WILL NO LONGER BE 'LET'S DO IT.' INSTEAD SHE WILL SAY 'TALLYHOE' WHEN ENTERING A DANGEROUS SITUTATION."
"Tallyho?" Marco made a face.
"Are you insane!" Rachel yelled.
"NO, THAT'S MARCO'S CATCH PHRASE."
Suddenly the barn roof opened up and a giant bottle of Writer's Block SPF 400 came from the clouds.
"What the hell it that! And what the hell are doing to my garage?!?" Cassie screamed at me.
"I'M not doing it!" I said innocently. Suddenly the Writer's block squirted all over me.
"Aurrgggg…losing…creativity…." I moaned and fell to my knees.
"What creativity?" Jake said darkly.
"I think my author powers are gone!" I yelled horribly.
So, basically you're stuck here. Tobias noted.
"Unfortunately." I said.
"And you can't force us to do stupid things anymore?" Cassie asked.
"Yeah." I said solemnly.
And your immortality is probably gone too. Ax said.
"Uh huh."
"Well then Tallyho, you fanfic piece of crap!" Rachel cried as she swung an ax at me. I didn't dodge quickly enough and my head rolled across the floor of the barn.
"Rachel you didn't half to kill him!" Cassie cried.
Don't worry Cassie I don't think he's really dead. You see Steve-0, survives only on bad fanfiction, as long as there are people out there who write really crappy fanfiction Steve-0 will always be alive.
"So if reads this pile of crap here he should be revived." Marco said. Everybody laughed, and then ate cinnamon buns.