Disclaimer: All the characters here are owned by…well, it's not me. I am not making any money off this. Also, I believe that this story is my own idea, but I have read a ton of fan-fics, so if anyone thinks I've stolen anything from their stories please let me know so I can correct the problem if necessary. If anyone sees any typos or grammatical mistakes please let me know.
This is the final installment of this series. I apologize for taking years to write this. I apologize to all the readers who will be smacking their heads with frying pans after reading this. And just remember that I try to make fun of everyone. So don't get all insulted because I mocked your favorite character. Thanks to all those who read and to all those who review.
Hey, Hey, We're the Rangers?
By
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
Scene One: Machine Empire Skybase
Mondo, King of the Machine Empire, could barely contain his delight as he watched the red herrings fly out of the Power Chamber's unused chimney and land on their butts. "I can't believe it!" He chortled evilly. "There are no Rangers left...Zordon has really gone off his rocker leaving Angel Grove unguarded. Now I must think of a way to..."
"But, Pop," Prince Sprocket interrupted as he waddled into the throne room. "The Polka Dot and Zigzag Rangers are still in power."
"As I was saying," Mondo continued through gritted teeth, "there are no 'effective' Power Rangers left. Now all I need to do is think of a way to take advantage of this before he gets new Rangers. Perhaps we could..." A metallic flapping sound to his right disrupted his thoughts. "Machina!!!!"
"What is, Darling?" Machina, Queen of the Machine Empire, cooed while flapping her ever-present metal fan.
"Why must you keep flapping that confounded thing? I've already got tinnitus from hearing it all the time."
Machina glared at her mechanical husband and proceeded to flap even harder. "I'll stop using this fan when you stop being a skinflint and get air conditioning put in here."
Mondo pressed his metallic hands against the sides of his head and moaned. "You know that we don't have the money for air conditioning right now. That radiator-faced slob and his piggish crone wife left this place such a disgusting mess that I..."
"That you had to sink all of our savings into a professional redecorator," Machina interrupted impatiently. "I know the story. You've repeated it over and over." She stopped flapping her fan and shoved it into his chest. "Anyway, that's a load of bull. I know for a fact that this so-called 'professional decorator' is just your cousin, Londo. And that he did it for free to repay that poker debt he owed you. So stop with the cheap act." With that Machina pulled out a second fan and began flapping both fans vigorously.
Mondo, whose hands were still clamped to the side of his head, fell to his knees in pain. "Fine, fine I'll get you the #$%# air conditioning, only stop giving me a headache!"
"Headaches are so last season, Pop," quipped Sprocket.
Mondo grabbed his son by his crown and flung him towards
Machina. "And take this annoying gnome
with you. I've got to have some quiet
to think of a new plan for taking over Angel Grove."
Scene Two: The Power Chamber
Skull yawned as he stared at the viewing screen. For several hours, Bulk and he had been forced to stare at a variety of bizarre characters in their elusive search for new Rangers. No matter how promising a team seemed to them, Zordon continued to turn them down. His reasons ranged from the colors of their socks not matching to them not being able to stand on one foot and balance plates on their head at the same time. Of course, these bizarre excuses may have been due to the fact that, by keeping everyone so busy, Zordon had been able to smuggle a few cases of vodka into his tube.
"That's them!" Zordon suddenly exclaimed as yet another team of 'super heroes' appeared on the viewing screen. This caused Bulk and Skull to jump and Alpha's head to whirl incessantly until Bulk gave him a whack.
"Ahem," Zordon continued, annoyed at the interruption, "As I was trying to say, that's the team I want for my next set of Power Rangers!"
"Uh, Zordon?" Bulk looked up from the screen displaying the 'super heroes' whom Zordon had just selected to be his newest rangers. "Those guys aren't even real, they're just from a television show. And an old one at that."
"Oh, really?" Zordon snapped as he took another swallow from his ever-present bottle. "You...an almost no one... is telling me...the wisest being in all the universe that *I* can't do something?"
"Talk about your gigantic ego," Skull mumbled to himself.
"Shut up or I'll put you back on latrine duty," Zordon growled at him. "The HippoZord has had a bad case of diarrhea all week."
"Yeccch," Skull backed away and clammed up.
"Aye yi yi," Alpha whined as usual. "That Ex-Lax monster really did some damage on him last week, didn't he?"
"Fine," Bulk sighed, "then tell us how we're going to have those guys get here."
Zordon looked at him like he was an idiot. "You've got to be kidding. All we have to do is use a simple plot device known as a crossover."
Bulk stared at Zordon for a few seconds. "Zordon? Don't crossovers usually occur between two television shows or stories about those shows? I mean..."
"Wouldn't we need to be in a television show or in a story about it?" Skull finished for his incredulous friend.
"What? You actually believe that Zords and giant monsters are all a part of real life? You actually believe that beings such as myself actually exist?" Zordon began to laugh in a disturbing manner. "I suppose you also believe Santa Claus exists as well."
"He doesn't?" Skull asked, nearly in tears. Bulk shoved the letter to Santa he had been working on under a console.
"At least this explains how Saban got these two to work on this show for free," Alpha commented.
"You mean...WE'RE ON A TELEVISION SHOW?" Bulk gasped before he and Skull fainted simultaneously.
Scene Three: The Youth CenterRocky sighed in exasperation. The other ex-Rangers had been arguing about what they should do with their free time now that they were no longer Rangers. In between their arguments, one or the other would whine about Zordon allowing them to get replaced by the red herrings. And, of course, no one would listen to him. Rocky pointed once more to the ad in the newspaper he was carrying. "Here's how we can get our...."
"That's it!" Tommy shouted. "I know what we should do."
"What?" asked Kat, "Get our Rangering jobs backs?"
"Don't be silly," Tommy said in a patronizing voice as he patted her on the head, ignoring the scowl Kat gave him. "We can find something even greater. Well, at least I can. I can't say the same for you pathetic wannabes." He glared at Jason with this final statement.
"WANNABES????" Jason roared. "I'll show you 'wannabes' Mr. 'Let me act so pathetic when I waste my Green powers that Zordon will feel sorry for me and make me the White Ranger so I can steal Jason's hard-earned leadership from him!'"
Adam and Tanya grabbed Jason before he could actually attack Tommy. "Can't you two give it a rest?" asked Adam.
"Yeah," agreed Kat who, with Rocky, was holding back an equally livid Tommy. "If this is how you two behave as best friends. I'm afraid to know what you would do as enemies."
"Oh yeah," Tommy began, "if you...uh...that is...uh...oh man!" He suddenly began to sob. "You're right, Jason. That's the only reason I wasted my Green powers like that. I wanted to be the leader of the team. I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me?"
To the other Rangers' disbelief, Jason had also begun to cry. "I'm sorry, too," he wailed. "I was so jealous of you that I actually bribed the judges at the 'Be a Peace Conference Delegate' contest so that Trini, Zack, and I would leave you in the lurch with a clumsy techno-babbling geek, a valley girl who was too busy ogling your spandexed butt to fight properly, and some puny little inexperienced twerps. Can you ever forgive me?" He was completely oblivious to Rocky and Adam's low growls at this statement.
Their fellow ex-Rangers as well as all the others present in the Youth Center stared in disbelief as Jason and Tommy fell into each other's arms and continued to sob in high pitched whines. "Get a room, you two," someone taunted from the back of the room.
"Hey, they're not gay," retorted Kat. "Tommy's my boyfriend."
"Sure," Tanya snorted derisively. "I've never seen Tommy hug you like that."
"Well, that's only because he doesn't want me to catch that rare tropical disease that he had caught when he single-handedly fought those Japs at Iwo Jima." With a great yank, Kat managed to pull her boyfriend out of Jason's arms.
"Geez, even I'm not dumb enough to believe that," commented Rocky.
"Never mind that," Adam said. "What was your idea, Tommy?"
"Oh man, I forgot."
"He forgot his own idea," sighed Adam. "Why am I not surprised? Well, I guess that's it then. Sorry, Tanya, but I'm going to have to wait a few more years to save up for that engagement ring."
Adam stood up to leave the Youth Center. At the same time, Tanya leaped up, smacked Tommy on the back of the head with a serving tray and sat back down in one smooth motion.
"Now I remember," Tommy said. "We could go to the Angel Grove Employment Agency. I bet they have great jobs there."
"Greater than being Power Rangers and saving the world?" asked Rocky as he followed his friends out of the Youth Center.
Scene Four: Machine Empire Skybase
Mondo stood still as he tried to think of a way to attack Angel Grove. His gears turned faster and faster causing smoke to pour out of his head. The castle's smoke detector began to whine as water sprayed down from the ceiling.
Klank ran into the room with Orbus on his shoulder a minute after the shower had stopped. "Your Majesty," he announced in a breathless bow. "I have turned off that alarm system. You should have no further interruptions…uh…Your Majesty?" Klank tentatively touched Mondo and found he had rusted in place.
Machina sauntered out of her room and took one look at her husband. "I guess Londo knew all about the King's marked deck. He must've installed those sprinklers as his revenge." She pointed her fan at Klank and Orbus. You two, go to Earth and fetch some Rustoleum."
"But, Mom," whined Prince Sprocket. "What about Pop's plan to defeat the Rangers?"
Machina glared at her son. "You're as brainless as that rusted buffoon. There ARE no Rangers. So we can just send in any old monster to take over those pathetic Angel Grovians."
"Pardon me, your Majesty," interrupted Klank "but shouldn't that be Angel Grovites?"
"How about Angel Grovers?" piped up Orbus.
"I like Angel Grovelers, myself," suggested Sprocket.
"Whatever," sighed Machina. "Just send down the first monster you can get a hold of before Old Baldy finds new Rangers."
Scene Five: The Power Chamber"Ay yi yi, I really don't think this is such a good idea," whined Alpha, as four young men were teleported into the Power Chamber. They all looked confusedly around the large cavernous room.
"Whoa! Micky, what did you put in that spaghetti sauce of yours?" asked a tall lanky man with a thick Texas accent.
"Oh just the usual, hot peppers, Tabasco sauce, horseradish..." replied a second young man who sported wild looking curly hair.
"Oh, so that explains why our dinner caught on fire."
The third, shorter young man, backed up into his two friends. "Mike? Micky?" he asked with fear evident in his thick English accent. "The...there's a bloated bald head floating in that tube."
"Eeyuch..." said Micky in disgust as he noticed Zordon for the first time. "He must've been dead for some time."
"Welcome to the Power Chamber," Zordon greeted them. "I am Zordon, this is Alpha 5, and those two are Bulk and Skull, leaders of the Power Rangers."
"Aah!" shouted Davy. "It..it talked"
"It's alive," said Micky in a mad-scientist type voice as he rubbed his hands.
"It looks just like my Uncle Merton," commented Peter, who had remained quiet up until then.
Mike automatically slipped into his leadership role among his friends. "Well, I'm Mike Nesmith and these guys are Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, and Peter Tork. And we are…"
All four young men posed with their hands on their hips.
"Dadadadada……Monkeemen!"
"They've got to be kidding," murmured Bulk.
"Hey, what does this do?" asked Peter as he fumbled with one of the computer panels.
"Do not touch that...." Zordon began.
"Whoops," came the shy musician's voice as he accidentally broke a lever.
"Whoops? What whoops?" Zordon was puzzled at the laughter that had suddenly broke out. "What the *&#$ is so funny." He couldn't see the crab grass that had grown out of the top of his head or that his face was now made of multicolored stripes.
"Errr, nothing, Zordon," lied Alpha. "Must be all that California sun melting their brains."
"Hey," Mike interrupted the laughing. "All kidding aside, who are you guys? Why are we here?"
"Maybe we're on some crazy trip," suggested Micky.
"Psychedelic," added Peter as he tried to fix the lever he had broken with a wad of chewed gum.
"Oh, great," moaned Skull. "We get to hear outdated hippie-talk."
"You four have been chosen to hold one of the greatest powers known to mankind..." began Zordon.
"My way with women?" suggested Davy
"My atomic spaghetti sauce?" suggested Micky
"My Auntie Grizelda's tapioca pudding recipe?" suggested Peter.
"The abyss in Pete's mind?" suggested Mike.
Zordon began to fume. "No, no, no! You pathetic idiots! Let me finish! You four are to be Power Rangers. Now, first I will have to transfer...."
Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop...went the monster alarm.
Scene Six: Outside the Door of the Angel Grove Employment Agency"There it is." Tanya pointed to a neon sign above a set of large glass doors. "Angel Grove Employment Agency."
"Come on guys, let's do it!" Jason shouted.
With that, all of the ex-Rangers made exaggerated poses and shouted out morphing calls.
"Err, sorry, force of habit," Adam sheepishly explained to the ogling group of strangers. "I think we should just go inside."
As they turned to enter the building, the doors crashed open. "A METER MAID?!?!" screeched an all-too familiar voice. "Is that supposed to be a joke? I'm no one's maid! Finster!"
"You stupid woman," growled another familiar voice. "Finster's not here. He's got a job at the Silly Putty Factory."
Tommy snickered as he and the others came face to face with the Rangers' former nemeses, Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa. "Hey, Rita, what's wrong? No one wants to hire a bad Madonna impersonator? Yeeeeeoooowwww!" Rita had jammed him with her pointed 'assets.'
"Whoa, I've got to get me some of those," Tanya said in awe.
Adam gulped and backed up.
"I need something to defend myself with since my 'loving' husband won't," sneered Rita.
"Oh, and how am I supposed to do that when you've got me piled down with all this junk?" Zedd growled from behind the packages in his arms.
"You don't love me...." Rita began a long whining tirade.
"Let's get inside," ordered Tommy, a bit embarrassed by Rita's behavior. All the former Rangers followed him into the Employment office. Adam lagged behind still staring at the arguing couple.
"Adam!" screeched Tanya. "Get in here, now!"
Zedd glanced at Adam. "Do yourself a favor, boy, and run.... before it's too late!"
Scene Seven: The Comma….oops…Power Chamber"That band's got a terrible sound," Davy shouted over the sound of the whooping alarm.
"Actually, I think they're pretty good," commented Peter as he and Alpha began to dance together.
"Alpha, cut out that stupid dancing," commanded Zordon. "That's not a band, you yahoos. The monster alarm is going off!"
"M..m..m..monster?" Micky squeaked.
"Hey, look over there." Davy pointed to the back wall of the Power Chamber.
As Zordon, Alpha, Bulk, and Skull turned to look, the four Monkees ran around the room in super speed. They rattled all the doors and found them all locked. Then they hid behind consoles.
"What…?" Skull began as he and the others turned back to where the Monkees had been standing. "Hey, where did they go?"
"Ayiyiyiyi" said Alpha. I'll start a long range scan for…"
"Screw that," growled Zordon. With that, he zapped the surrounding consoles with his laser eye beams, melting them and revealing the hidden musicians. "No time to waste on stupid scans." He glared at the Monkees. "As I was saying, I will have to transfer the Rangers' powers to you."
"Hey now, give us just one good reason why we should become Rangers and fight that monster," challenged Mike with his arms crossed.
"Yeah," agreed Davy. "We take enough risks with Micky's cooking. And besides, I've got three dates tonight."
"Wow, Davy, you're really slipping," commented Micky.
Zordon nodded at Alpha who flipped a switch and lit up the columns where the old Ranger costumes were on display. "Do you really want to keep wearing your underwear outside of your long johns? And how in God's name do you expect to keep your identities secret just by wearing glasses?"
"It worked for Superman," noted Skull.
The Monkees looked at each other in exaggerated shock. "Why didn't someone tell us we were running around in our undies?" gasped Micky.
"Maybe this Power Ranger idea isn't such a bad idea after all," said Mike.
"About time," sighed Zordon. "Mike, you…"
"Can I be red?" interrupted Peter as he walked over to the displayed costumes.
Zordon scowled at him. "As I was saying, Mike, you will be the Red Zeo Ranger because that's the color of the leader. So it'll be your job to try to hog all the credit from your teammates."
"Oh, then, can I be blue?" Peter asked hopefully.
Zordon continued on. "Micky, well…I guess you can be the Blue Zeo Ranger. The color used to signify intelligence."
Micky perked up at this.
"I said used to. Ever since Rocky got the blue powers, they've come more to represent pure goofiness. So, it'll be your job to make the stupidest mistakes possible and annoy the team."
"How about green? It'd go with my eyes."
"How about not? Davy, you'll be the Green Zeo Ranger. Currently, it signifies painful shyness. So, it'll be your job to remain quiet during battle, even if you think of a good plan to defeat the monster."
Davy smirked. "Well, I heard the ladies do go for the silent types so, ok."
Peter stared doubtfully at the remaining costumes. "Well, yellow would be ok…"
"Peter," Zordon announced. "You shall be the Pink Zeo Ranger."
"Pink?" Peter gagged. "Why can't I be yellow?"
"Because we need someone whose job it is to constantly scream for help and our final candidate can't do that."
"Final candidate?" Bulk asked. "There are only four of them."
"Bring him in Alpha." With that, Alpha activated the teleportation system. A large wooden dummy in a gray business suit appeared in the Chamber.
"Mr. Schneider!" shouted the four Monkees.
"Uh, Zordon?" asked Skull. "How is a doll going to fight as a Ranger?"
"He's not a doll," Peter said defensively. "He's our best friend."
"You guys ever consider therapy?" scoffed Bulk.
"Never mind that," Zordon scoffed. "I need someone with intelligence on this team. He'll fill that quota better than any of you. Mr. Schneider, welcome to the team. You'll be my Yellow Zeo Ranger."
Mike pulled on Mr. Schneider's string. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can get into serious trouble if you try to drown it."
Zordon laughed out loud. "See? Now that's what I call profound."
Bulk murmured to Skull. "When this is over, I think we should contact Billy about getting Zordon back into AA."
Skull nodded in concurrence.
Scene Eight: The Angel Grove Employment Agency"So, you're all looking for employment," remarked the agent in a bored voice. "Just what kind of jobs are you qualified for?"
"Well," Tommy began. "I'd like to…"
"Aside from being superheroes."
"Darn," Tommy pouted.
"Why'd we even bother with secret identities?" mumbled Kat.
"Never mind," continued the agent as she shuffled through some files. "I've got some jobs here that you two could fill." She nodded at Jason and Tommy. "The people at Celebrity Deathmatch could use some more idio…uh, I mean competitors."
"Celebrity Deathmatch?" Adam questioned Tanya.
"Some show on MTV where claymation forms of celebrities…or has been celebrities… rip each other apart, literally. Best part's when the body parts go flying apart," Tanya said this with a crazed far-away look in her eyes.
"Ah, yeah." Adam sidled away from her.
"Wait a minute," said Tommy. "You want me and Jase to fight each other on TV?"
"Well, yeah." The agent turned on a VCR player on the corner of her desk. It showed a recording of the fight between the Red Battle Zord and Pyramidas that had occurred only a few weeks ago. "That had to be the funniest thing I ever saw. The bigwigs at MTV think you guys would boost ratings during their "People who Outdo even Jackasses in Stupidity Week."
"We can't do that," growled Tommy.
"Why? If it's because of their insulting theme, I'm sure MTV would be willing to change it. They've already starting expanding the ring to fit in those Zords of yours."
"No, it's not that," sighed Jason.
The agent sighed. "Well, if it's the money, I'm sure I could get them…"
"Not that either," interrupted Tommy.
"Well, what is it then?" she asked in exasperation.
"Um, ever since we made up, we realized something that had been staring at us in the eyes." Jason began as he stared at Tommy.
"Really? You feel it too?" Tommy gasped. With that he grabbed Jason and gave him a long, passionate kiss.
"Auuggggghhhh," Jason coughed as they parted. "Get the h*ll away from me. I just meant to say that we were really good bros who should never fight again." He edged towards the door. "I need some industrial strength mouthwash and a bottle of vodka to keep me from having nightmares tonight." With that he ran out of the building.
Tommy looked around at the others as they stared open-mouthed at him. "Um, oopsie?"
"Hey Tanya, do you think you could help me put an ad in the singles column tomorrow?" Kat requested as she glared at her boyfriend.
"Sure could. I told you there's something odd about a guy whose hair is longer than yours. In fact…" She whipped out a pair of scissors and headed for Adam.
"Ah, help!" Adam shouted as he ran around the room with Tanya chasing him.
The employment agent looked at Kat. "The Angel Grove Fire Department could use you, my dear."
"Oh, I'm not sure about that," pondered Kat. "I mean it'd be great to continue being a hero."
Tommy and Rocky sniggered. "My ninety five year old great grandmother is more heroic than her," Rocky commented under his breath.
Kat continued, oblivious of her friends' opinions. "But, I just don't think that stuff they wear will flatter my figure. I mean what if it makes me look fat?"
"Trust her to blow a future story plot," grumbled Saban from the sidelines. "Someone go change the Turbo episode where Blondie thinks she's too fat to be a firefighter to one where she thinks she's too fat to be a ballerina."
The agent laughed. "Oh, they don't need you as a firefighter, silly. Their alarm is on the fritz and they need someone with a high pitched whine to replace it until they get a new one."
"Well, I never. Does EVERYONE have to make fun of my pathetic need for Tommy every five seconds? Forget it, I'm out of here." Kat turned and sashayed out of the building.
"Man, I can never get enough of that," said Tommy staring after his soon to be ex-girlfriend's retreating form.
"Me neither," agreed Adam who now sported a butchered crew cut.
"WHAT?????" Adam turned in time to see smoke coming out of Tanya's nose.
"Ahhh, help!" Adam screamed as he ran out of the office with Tanya in hot pursuit.
"Looks like it's just me" Tommy said.
"Not really," Rocky began. "I'm still here and I really think you should read..."
Tommy continued as if Rocky hadn't spoken. He leaned towards the agent and whispered to her in a conspirational manner. "Now that those losers are gone, you can go ahead and give me one of the juicy jobs you've got on the side."
"I give up!" Rocky growled as he crumpled up the newspaper he had been carrying. He stormed out of the office, tossing it towards the wastebasket where it bounced off the rim and landed on the floor.
"Well," said the agent. "Madame Pouffet's Dog Salon does need a flea picker…"
"Forget it, I'll just go and find a job worthy of my greatness on my own." Tommy began to leave, then paused as he noticed the crumpled piece of newspaper on the floor by the waste paper basket. He picked it up and read it.
"Hey, guys!" He shouted as he ran from the office in excitement. Guess what? There's an ad here looking for Rangers. We can get our old jobs back! I guess I get to be the 'hero' yet again."
"Noooooooooooo!" howled Rocky.
Scene Nine: The Power Chamber
"Whoa, this watch is totally far out," stated Micky in awe as he stared at the morpher on his wrist.
Davy and Mike nodded in agreement.
Peter shook his and kept putting it to his ear.
"What's wrong?" asked Bulk.
"I can't find the big and little hands. And it's not ticking."
"Hey neither is mine," noticed Mike. "Is there a return policy for these things?"
"THOSE ARE NOT WATCHES YOU MORONIC BABOONS!" Zordon's head was throbbing as he glared at his new 'team.' "THAT ALARM HAS BEEN SOUNDING FOR ALMOST AN HOUR NOW. SO GET YOUR BUTTS MOVING ALREADY!"
"Ayiyi," whined Alpha. "Please calm down, Zordon. I don't want to have to reassemble your head again after it explodes."
Davy held out his wrist to Zordon. "Well, what are these then?"
"They're morphers." Bulk was quick to intervene, as he did not wish Zordon to become even more angered.
The four young men looked blankly at him. As well as did Mr. Schneider.
Skull sighed. "Look, just use them to morph by calling out your colors."
They continued to look blankly at him.
"The cue cards," goaded Skull as he pointed to a spot in front of them.
"Zeo Ranger One, Pink," murmured Peter in embarrassment. An astronaut's suit appeared on him.
"No, Peter," said Mike.
There was a flash and this time a clown costume was on him.
"No, Peter," commented Micky.
Peter tried again. This time a pink ballet tutu appeared.
"No, Peter," moaned Davy.
This time, Peter grimaced in concentration. Finally, the Pink Zeo outfit appeared, skirt, breast molds, and all. His face flashed with embarrassment.
"Yes, Peter," his friends said all at once. This was followed by a few whistles and cat calls.
"Aw, do I have to wear this? It's made for a wo…" Peter instantly shut-up as Zordon's face began to regain its purplish hue.
For a minute, nothing happened. "Uh, I think that dummy is next," commented Skull.
"Oh, yeah." Mike walked over and pulled on Mr. Schneider's string. "Warm cookies are soothing and often remind one of Mom, but not if kept in one's underpants."
"Good enough," stated Bulk. Then he and Skull worked on shoving a yellow outfit onto the wooden dummy.
"Zeo Ranger Three, Blue!" Micky grew ecstatic as he morphed. "Whoohoo!" he cried as he jumped around swinging the triangular axes. "This is the best ever!" He continued to jump around and swing wildly as the others dodged him. Alpha chased after him with a hypospray.
Davy, completely ignoring his friend's usual level of crazed hyperactivity continued. "Zeo Ranger Four, Green!" As soon as he morphed, he ran right for a large sized mirror that, for some strange reason, was standing in the back of the room. He then posed in front of it, admiring everything that the morphing had done to his body. "This is so groovy," he sighed.
"Yeah," agreed Peter. "Now you're tall enough to kiss girls without standing on the telephone directory."
"No, I mean this costume. It really shows off my…"
"Kid's show!" called everyone else in the room.
"…err, muscles," Davy finished shamefacedly.
"Zeo Ranger Five, Red!" Mike sighed and shook his head as he studied his costume. "You know, man, this just doesn't seem right. I mean where's the cape?"
"Cape?" asked Alpha, who had finally tackled Micky and was applying the hypospray.
Mike pointed to his back. "Yeah, you know, to fly. Like superman. And what about powers? Do we get x-ray vision as well? Or perhaps super speed? Or invisibility? Or the ability to breathe fire? Or the ability to shrink at will? Or super strength? Or the ability to talk to animals? Or the ability to read minds? Or the ability to eat Micky's cooking? Or the ability to dance the Tarantalla? Or the ability to look at Peter's outfit without getting strangely turned on? Or the ability to hypnotize others? Or the ability to drive a stick shift? Or the ability to perform surgery on oneself? Or…"
"How about the ability to just SHUTUP!" hollered Zordon. "Now, you idiots had better finish morphing before…" Suddenly, the alarm turned off.
"Ayiyiyiyi," whined Alpha 5 yet again. "What happened?"
Skull, who, along with Bulk, had already morphed into his own Ranger uniform, studied the viewing screen. "You'll never believe it," he gasped as he watched a replay of the rampage the creature had been going on.
Bulk, who had also been studying the viewing screen, gasped as well. "That monster got so bored waiting for us to appear, that it actually fell asleep in the middle of the shopping mall."
"FELL ASLEEP?" bellowed Zordon indignantly. "Of all the insulting, lame monsters the Machine Empire could send. What? I'm suddenly not good enough for them to send their very best to?"
"Yeah, well," said Skull. "It seems that a group of shoppers from the Angel Grove Senior Citizen Home have gotten him trussed up good. Whoops, he's disappeared. Well, I guess that's that."
Scene Ten: Machine Empire SkyBase"You useless drones!" screeched Queen Machina as she whacked Klank and Orbus with her fan. "When I said to fetch any old monster, I didn't mean one that would fall asleep in the middle of the job!"
"I told you hiring Snoozilla from the 'Alien Monster Nursing Home' wasn't a good idea," chided Orbus.
"Oh, shut up before I deactivate you and give you to Sprocket as his new plaything," grumbled Klank. "Ouch! My Queen, if you would just let us go and make him grow I'm sure he could…"
"Snore louder?" snapped Machina. "Forget it! Just bring him back here and hope that King Mondo never hears of your incompetence."
"Hey!" cried Sprocket. "I think Pop's trying to say something."
Machina halted her lackey bashing to see for herself. "What is he saying?" Upon approaching her husband and son in the neighboring room, she became annoyed. "Sprocket! If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. We do not celebrate human holidays. Now get those off him!"
"Aw! You never let me have any fun!" griped the spoiled prince as he began to remove the tinsel and ornaments from his father. But he paused when once again, Mondo's mouth moved.
"What, Dear?" asked Machina as she leaned in closely.
"Oil can…"
Scene Eleven: Power ChamberThe newest group of Power Rangers, having demorphed, stood hesitantly around the Power Chamber. No one was brave enough to even cough as Zordon rambled and cursed to himself. Eventually, he grew silent again. Alpha sighed in relief as he put away his emergency head reassembly kit.
"Well," ventured Micky. "At least we didn't have to waste any time fighting. I mean everyone's safe and sound here, right?"
"Tell that to the people who just lost their businesses when that monster fell on top of their shops when he dropped off to sleep," murmured Bulk.
"Oh no!" cried Davy, "how many people got killed?" His friends looked as perturbed as he did.
"None," answered Bulk.
"No one ever gets 'destroyed' here," added Skull.
"Huh?"
"Look," said Zordon, who had finally calmed down. "There's no way those #$^@!%@# censors would ever allow us to have people die or even get seriously hurt. And I'm not about to get written into oblivion because of some angered protestor."
Saban looked up from his notes on Countdown to Destruction. "Uh, oh, better not let him see these until he's completely wasted."
"Well then, if no one dies, then what is the point of even having Rangers?" questioned Mike.
"Are you kidding?" replied Bulk. "Do you know how much this town's taxes have been raised to repair all the destroyed buildings and abandoned warehouses?"
"You've got a point," conceded Mike. He turned to Zordon. "Well, we'll be headed back home now. If you need us for anything else…"
"Ah yes," said Zordon who had be studying some new activity on the viewing screen. "There is one more thing I need you to do. Come here."
"Is there another monster attacking Angel Grove?" asked Peter as the four musicians approached Zordon's tube.
"Are we going to get to morph again and clobber them?" enthused Micky.
"Nope." Four rays shot out of Zordon's tube and pulled the morphers off their wrists. "I don't have the patience to even try to train you buffoons. I mean even the red herrings at least made it to the battle scene."
"But I was getting to like my Pink outfit," echoed Peter's voice as he and his friends were teleported away.
Bulk sighed. "Oh, great. I guess we'll have to go back to looking for more Ranger candidates."
For the first time that day, Zordon smiled. "No, you don't. Take another look at the viewing screen."
Bulk, Skull, and Alpha 5 gasped. Standing in front of the Power Chamber's entrance were Jason, Tommy, Kat, Adam, Tanya, and Rocky. They bore gifts, flowers, and a large sign that said WORLD'S GREATEST MENTOR.
"Bring them inside," directed Zordon. "They may be numbskulls, but at least they're useful numbskulls."
End