Just One More Look – 2
Alexis sat at her desk remembering the previous evening's ritual with Kristina. It was a beloved time of special remembrance of introducing her daughter to those that came before her... to those who were a part of her in one way or another. It was a time of calmly laying down the foundation of a heritage she would not necessarily welcome. Seeing 'his' face staring up at her from the confines of the photo album... so many memories... so many regrets... so many feelings trapped in the past refusing to release her from the pain of it all. And then... there was Zander. Once she finally released the page for Kristina to move on hiding 'him' from her hungry eyes, another pair of dark eyes... another beloved face... another loss that still tore at her heart. They were both gone. A beautiful boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved and accepted... and in the end through desperation born of indifference died tragically alone with no one to hold him... no one to tell him he was loved... The guilt she bore from that fateful afternoon haunted her. She could have saved him... she could have stayed with him and somehow made him understand how much she loved him and would fight for him.
It was a day that Port Charles would never forget. Once the smoke cleared and the flames were extinguished, it was revealed that Cameron and Zander weren't the only ones who lost their life that day due to an old man's greed and bitter resentfulness. Nicholas still mourned the death of Emily Quartermaine who died from an injury she received from a falling chandelier. As hard as it was to accept her death it did result in the final judicial reward of one Helena Cassadine for her participation in the event. Edward suffered a massive coronary and died on the scene. His last words were for his wife. 'Tell Lila, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone.' It was too much for the graceful woman who loved so selflessly. The loss of her dear Edward and beautiful granddaughter was more than she could bear. With a heart broken and bereft she passed just one week later. Perhaps to Alexis, the most astonishing person to die that day was her former client and Kristina's father. Sonny went down with his estranged wife by his side leaving only the ashes of their remains. Alexis mourned his loss for a while albeit more so for Kristina than for herself. Her time of mourning Sonny had taken place months earlier when she finally realized that the man she fell in love with died the day Carly returned from the dead.
Michael and Morgan were taken in by the ever faithful Jason and Courtney; who finally decided to leave Port Charles in favor of a more peaceful existence. Life in Port Charles changed that day so long ago. With the demise of Sonny and without Jason it was easier to put to rest the organization that had been such an integral and destructive part of the town for many years. Ric Lansing did the best he could for a while as DA, but finally decided he wanted a more gentle life for his family and started his own corporate law practice.
Alexis was finally able to breathe easier with the knowledge that there was no one left who could threaten or steal Kristina. It almost seemed as though the fire which destroyed the hotel that day in February five years ago was the defining catalyst that the town needed to start over, washed clean of the chaos and ugliness of its most notorious residents. And those who remained slowly picked up the remnants of their lives and got on with the business of living.
As she sat there remembering she absently reached for the phone that suddenly violated the quiet stillness of her office. With a heavy sigh she picked up the receiver.
"Alexis Davis."
"Natasha."
"Luke?"
"Yeah it's me, darlin'. I hear you've stepped up in the world. Good ol' Port Chuck finally get smart and hire an honest woman to clean it up? D.A.! Not bad, Natasha."
She chuckled at his consistency when speaking of Port Charles. Luke. Much to her surprise, it was Luke who stood by her these past few years. Every few days he would show up in his inimitable fashion and check on her, and when satisfied that she was okay he'd take off again. He was never gone more than a couple of weeks at a time and he never allowed any questions regarding his mysterious trips. Luke was Luke. He lived by his own rules and didn't have the want or need to explain himself. But, as much as he tried to deny it; something happened to Luke on the day the Port Charles hotel burned. Alexis marveled at the man who walked away from that tragic fire unscathed. Luke as a compatriot could be an exasperatingly futile enterprise, but Luke as a father... After everything died down and he was able to finally walk away from the site... Luke walked back into his daughter's life... and his son's. Alexis wondered sometimes what it was that happened that day that changed Luke. When she dared to ask... in true Spencer fashion he would spout off a verbal litany of double talk that only he could follow leaving her none the wiser, but his eyes always told a different story. That day meant more to Luke than he was willing to admit. His son was saved by a man he now called a lost friend... but something else happened that day for him and he wouldn't discuss it.
"I've missed you, Luke. When did you get back?"
"I missed you too, counselor. But enough of the small talk, Natasha. I need you to come see me ASAP."
"Why?"
"Listen very carefully, sweetheart... I can't wait for you to get through asking all those damned questions of yours. Just get here pronto."
She sighed in frustration.
"If I can't ask any questions, just how am I supposed to know where you are, Luke? That would be somewhat of a required question since I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks."
"Alright. Alright. I guess there's really no way to do this, but just do it."
"Luke, what are you up to? Are you in trouble again?"
"No, but I can't say the same for you, Natasha."
Alexis quickly leaned forward in her chair and rested her arms on her desk as a look of concern settled on her face.
"Is it Helena, Luke? Did she escape? Or did we get lucky enough that she finally succumbed to the prison fare?"
"No, darlin. The Queen of the Damned' is safely tucked away. I made sure of it just this morning. Look just get that baby girl of yours settled with someone and meet me up at the cabin."
Heaving a sigh of relief, Alexis relaxed back into her chair.
"What cabin, Luke? You don't own a cabin."
An ominous quiet suddenly filled the phone line and Alexis slowly straightened again.
"Luke?"
His words were quiet, filled with compassion and horrifyingly unexpected.
"The Lewis cabin."
NO! NO! The word screamed itself through her conscience. No, she couldn't go there. Not after... She would see 'him' everywhere. And all the years it had taken for her to finally accept his death would have been for naught.
"No, Luke. I can't."
His voice took on a more gentle timbre.
"Sweetheart, you don't have a choice this time. If I have to come and kidnap you I will. But this is a non-negotiable demand. You need to drop whatever you're doing and get up here. [I]NOW![/I] I need your help."
"Luke, you know I can't. You more than anyone know what it's been like the last five years. I can't do it. Please don't ask me to."
His response told her he understood; the crack in his voice took the decision out of her hands.
"He saved my son... I owed... he saved my son's life. Please don't make me beg you, Natasha."
He had to strain to hear her soft resignation...
"Alright, Luke. Give me a couple of hours."
"Pack an overnight case, Natasha. This is going to take awhile."
************ As she pulled her car to a stop a heavy foreboding weight fell on her. As she looked through the windshield at the cabin in front of her, memories began to race through her mind. She slowly climbed from her car and closed the door leaning heavily against it. Just as she was about to straighten and walk to the door, it opened and Luke walked out.
"Nice to see you again, Natasha. How's the kid doin'?"
Frustration began to rise in her. He pulled her out here against her will and now he wanted to play nice.
"Luke, why am I here?"
"What no 'Hi Luke, glad to see you.' No 'How's the kids doin'? No 'Where you been hidin'?' Just 'Why am I here?' I thought all you Cassadine women were known for your sweet genteel manners."
"Luke."
Her frustration was quickly morphing into anger.
"Okay, Okay. Come have a seat with me on the porch. I got a buddy that needs some help and now that you're the new DA, you just might be able to do this guy some good."
"Luke you know I can't interfere in natural progression of the justice system."
"That's what I'm counting on, baby. All I want is to make sure my buddy gets a fair shake. With you in the DA's office, I think I can put aside my previous aversion to the PC legal system for now... but, just this once though."
"Damnit, Luke. Just get to the point so I can get out of here."
"Actually, Natasha that was the point. My buddy is inside... I need you to talk to him, let him tell you his story. I'll grab your bag out of the car and set it on the porch here. Then I think I'll take a little drive over to see my little girl. Call me when you get everything set up."
She couldn't believe it. She was sitting here staring dumbfounded at the old Luke. The one who pulled her into his fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants schemes; the one who created a mess then walked away.
"Luke Spencer, you are not going to leave me here with a stranger. You are not going to pull me into another one of your hair-brained schemes. And you are not going to force me into using the legal system to get one of your crack-pot buddies of the hook on a charge I'm quite sure they deserve."
She stood up abruptly and turned back toward her car and began to walk away.
"Alexis?"
She stopped instantly. That voice. She knew that voice. And it wasn't Luke. But, it was impossible. He was... She slowly turned around toward the voice with her eyes closed... the vision of a lost boy collided with the darkness behind her closed lids. Her head fell forward as the grief engulfed her again. She knew she shouldn't have come here. She knew it. It was too much.
"Alexis, please."
And there it was... once again. The pleading little boy voice she could never turn away. She opened her eyes and stared at the gravel under her feet. She focused on the sound of gravel being disturbed until a pair of feet stopped in front of her.
"Look at me, Alexis. It's me and I need your help just one more time."
Her gaze traveled up the length of his jeans and slowly up the leather jacket and finally up to the face of the first child outside of her family that she ever completely loved. Zander.
"Zander?"
She reeled at the sight of his beautiful face. Fingers hesitantly creeping up disturbed her sight and settled on his cheek. A sudden warmth ran up her arm and she realized it was her own hand reaching up to force a dream into reality.
"Zander?"
"Yeah, it's me. I got out, Alexis. I didn't die in the hotel."
Luke was watching closely and saw her sway a bit. He caught her just as her knees buckled beneath her.
"Get the door, Zander. And don't worry, she'll be okay. We gotta real trouper here. A little shock therapy is always a good thing where this little bundle is concerned. Gets her blood pumpin' good and strong again. She ain't gone; just dazed a bit."
Luke settled her in the rocking chair close to the fire and kneeled down in front of her. Taking her hands in his he quickly started rubbing them fiercely between his own. The chill of them began to slowly subside. When he looked up he found her eyes staring over his shoulder. He knew she was staring at the boy.
"Come on, Natasha. We ain't got time for you to fall apart on me now. Buck up and let's get this show on the road. That boy and I need your help. You ain't gonna take a flying leap on us now. Not if I have anything to say about it."
"Would you please shut up, Luke and stop taking the skin off my hands. I'm fine. Why don't you go find a lake somewhere to jump into?"
Luke looked back over his shoulder at Zander and grinned delightedly.
"See, what'd I tell you. This one's always been a fighter. Just have to get her going sometimes with a shock or two."
She stood up as Luke moved out of the way and stepped closer to Zander. Slowly raising her arms she wrapped them around him and held tight. She turned her head slightly to whisper... as she choked back the sobs of happiness.
"I thought... you were... gone. I thought... I... lost you too."
His arms enfolded her and she breathed a deep sign of contentment. He was home... the boy she loved like her own was finally back home where he belonged.
"I'm so sorry, Zander. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..."
"Shhhh... Alexis... you don't owe me any apologies. You didn't do anything wrong."
They stood there wrapped in each other arms for a long while quietly reconnecting the bond that had always been between them.
"I have missed you so much, Zander. I never could have imagined just how large a part of my heart belonged to you until you were gone."
"I know... it was the same with me. But, I couldn't come back until things changed in Port Charles."
She slowly and reluctantly withdrew from his arms and took his hand leading him to sit down beside her on the single bed that still claimed the same place it had the last time she found herself in this cabin.
"Talk to me, Zander. Tell me what you've been up to, where you've been and why you need my help now after all these years."
He got up abruptly and strode across the room before turning back to face her.
"I was in bad shape when I left Port Charles. I thought everyone that I ever loved had turned their back on me. I lost Emily, you lost faith in me..."
She quickly interrupted.
"I never lost faith in you, Zander. And I never stopped loving you..."
"I didn't make very good choices back then... I was angry with Nicholas... I hated him... but, it wasn't because he took Emily away from me. He couldn't take what she wasn't willing to give. He was just one more person who in the end betrayed me. Then I got mixed up with Faith and after that things really went haywire and suddenly nothing mattered anymore. I just knew I had to leave. I got out of the basement just before it exploded and headed out. When I got outside I remembered that my dad was probably still in there... "
When his voice broke she rose and went to him encircling him with her arms again.
"I'm so sorry, Zander. But... he... he didn't..."
He pulled her away from him and studied her a moment before leading her back to sit down again then sat down beside her.
"Yes he did, Alexis."
She looked at him sadly.
"I saw him, Zander. They brought him out. I was there. He didn't make it."
He took hold of her hands and locked his gaze with hers.
"Yes he did, Alexis. My dad is alive."
She pulled her hands from his and moved away from him. As she approached the window she stopped wrapping her arms around her body before turning back to him. An edge of steel found its way into her voice.
"What are you saying, Zander? That I'm crazy... that I didn't see what I saw... that he's been alive for the last five years and never once picked up a phone to say he was fine and not to worry. He may have had his faults but outright cruelty was never one of them. At least not with me; and certainly not with my daughter."
Zander stood and took a couple of steps toward her but stopped when he saw the unbelief in her eyes. And he could feel the distance between them; the wall of protection she raised against him and the hurt he was inflicting on her.
"I don't blame you for not believing me. I pretty much destroyed what we had between us those last few months before the fire. And I'm sorry for that. You did what you had to... you tried to help me the only way you could. But, you had family to take care of and it got in the way of what I expected from you. I was wrong. But, my family... or what was left of it after that explosion... I couldn't call you. I couldn't tell you. He wouldn't have wanted me to. I took him away from Port Charles and after I put a little distance between us and that place, then things started to make more sense to me... I was able to look at things and see that there was a lot that my anger and bitterness prevented me from seeing before. And I finally had to admit to myself that my dad did change after he met you. And I owed him. I owed him for not giving him a chance... so I took him away from Port Charles. I did what he would have wanted me to do."
Alexis heard most of what he said, but there were pieces of it all that raised red flags in her head. 'I couldn't call you'; 'He wouldn't have wanted'; 'I took him away'; I did what he would have wanted'... Zander was trying to tell her more with what he wasn't saying... She met him halfway and looked deep into his eyes. So like his father... so intensely expressive... so unable to hide from her. She reached for him.
"He is alive... Cameron is alive... but, there's something wrong, isn't there?"
Her joy and fear warred with each other.
"Yeah... he didn't make it out as good as I did. But... something changed yesterday, so I called Luke to help me bring him back."
She clutched him tightly fear running rampant within her.
"What's wrong, Zander? What's wrong with Cameron? I want to see him... I... I... need to see him."
Zander took hold of her arms and looked into her eyes intensely.
"I know, Alexis. I know you need to see him, but right now it's more important to me that he see you... or at least hopefully hear you."
"What do you mean... [I]hear me[/I]? Zander you need to stop beating around the bush and tell me what's going on. If you don't I'm fixing to knock you silly."
He chuckled then turned to lead her back to the bed and sat down with her.
"Okay, Alexis. Let me begin at the beginning. When I went back into the hotel to get my dad I found him just in time to see Luke and Lucky pulling a beam off of him. Luke thought he was dead. When I knelt beside him and placed my hand on his chest, I felt his heart beating. When I saw him laying there... I don't know... something inside of me just gave up. In that moment I knew that there would never be another person in this world I would want to love me like I wanted him to. And I wanted another chance with him. So I told Lucky to make sure he was taken to Mercy Hospital and I'd somehow get to him there. I didn't think about anyone but him and me. Lucky started giving me a lot of grief about arresting me and then Luke was there and somehow he got Lucky to listen to me. Luke stopped Lucky from arresting me. When I got to Mercy and found dad, he was in real bad shape. Almost dead. He came out of it long enough to see me. He told me he loved me and to do whatever I could to make sure that you and Kristina were okay. As soon as I promised to take care of you, he let go and slipped into a coma. I don't know how long I sat there, but the next thing I know Luke is standing beside me telling me he has a hearse outside waiting for us."
"A hearse?"
Zander looked up and met her eyes and together they quietly chuckled as in unison replied together. "Classic Luke."
Alexis grew still again and placed her hand on his arm rubbing back and forth a few times before squeezing it comfortingly.
"Go on, Zander. Finish telling me."
"Luke said something about owing my dad and that the best way he could repay him was to make sure that I got out of the mess I was in. In order for that to happen, he figured I needed to put a little time and distance between myself and Port Charles, but with dad in the condition he was in; Luke knew I wouldn't leave him. So, he figured he'd get us both out of town. We ended up in a convalescent home in the town I grew up in down in Florida. Dad had so many friends down there at one time that I thought maybe I could get them to help him. But, nothing they did worked. I got a job down there after a while and started putting my life back together and every month or so, Luke would drop in to check up on us and let me know what all was going on here. The first time he showed up we sat down together and discussed whether we ought to tell you what was going on or not, but with my dad asking me to take care of you... I didn't think it would be fair for us to put your life on hold while we waited to see what was going to happen with him. I knew you had already mourned him. I didn't want you to go through that again. And Luke agreed with me. We figured that if dad did come out of the coma then he could make the choice for himself. I spent too much time turning my back on my dad that once I had another chance with him... I didn't want to screw it up."
Alexis wanted to scream at him, at Luke and at Cameron for leaving her to grieve for a man who hadn't died. She was furious that the decision had been taken out of her hands. But the sadness and guilt in Zander's eyes kept her still. He knew what he cost her, and he knew what it was taking for her to keep silent.
"I'm sorry, Alexis. I let him down so many times. I couldn't do it this time. Not even for you. He needed [I]me[/I]... he needed me to stand with him this time instead of running away again. I couldn't leave him and I couldn't go against what he would have wanted me to do. He's my dad and no matter what happened between us before... when it finally mattered the most... he put his trust in me."
She leaned close and pulled him into her arms hugging him close.
"It's okay, Zander. I understand and I'm glad you two finally had a chance to put things right between you."
He allowed her to hold him as long as she needed to, but knew he needed to keep a solid grip on his own tightly controlled emotions. They weren't through yet... there was more she needed to know. When he felt her loosen her hold he leaned back and took hold of her hands.
"Here's the hard part, Alexis. It's why I had to call Luke to help me get dad back up here. I need your help. I need to be free enough to be able to walk back into Port Charles without being afraid of getting arrested."
Alexis frowned a bit before encouraging him to continue.
"You've lost me, Zander. No one is looking for you. All charges were dropped a few years ago when the truth came out. We know you didn't shoot Brian and Jax is not pressing charges against you. You can go back to Port Charles anytime you like. Of course, it's not the same as it was. You won't be able to get a job in organized crime anymore even if it were still possible. I would put you in jail myself before allowing you to get involved in that mess again. And just so you can breathe a little easier... I closed your filed when I took over the DA's office. There was no evidence to support the charges against you. So whatever it is you need to do, go ahead. You're a free man."
"Alexis, it's not what I need to do that matters right now. It's what you need to do that counts the most here."
Alexis finally lost her patience with Zander. In as much as she adored him, she knew he was hedging around something that was evidently quite important not only to himself but to her as well and all of a sudden something he said early finally hit her.
"He's here. You brought him here. Zander, where... where's Cameron? Is he still... did he... Please don't do this to me. Just tell me if he's still alive."
Her voice raised in fear and Zander slid from the bed and knelt beside her. He wasn't handling this very well, but he was afraid of how she would react. Would she still want to see his dad? Would she hurt him and not know it? Looking up into her soft eyes filled with fear, he knew in his heart that once again Alexis would come through for him.
"Hey, calm down Alexis. He is here... in Port Charles. But, he's still in a coma or at least he was, but we think he's trying to come out of it. I think... well Luke and me, we think that you could probably reach him now if you were to go see him."
Alexis stood and walked away from Zander. Her insides were shaking so bad she couldn't sit still any longer. Cameron. Alive. In Port Charles. And Zander wanted her to... to what. What could she do? She turned around to stare at the beautiful boy who stole her heart so long ago.
"Why do you say that, Zander? What is it that you think I can do for Cameron?"
Zander stood and walked to her. He lifted his hands and laid them gently on her shoulders.
"Something happened yesterday. I've not heard a word out of him for 5 years, but yesterday he spoke."
"What? What did he say?"
"He called out your name, Alexis. My dad needs you I think. Will you please go see him? See if you can help him come back. You've pulled me out of so many messes it's a wonder why you don't go running from me. But, when it comes right down to the bottom line of things, you've been my cornerstone. When I left PC, and settled dad... I kept thinking about all the things you used to tell me; things that I should do to make my life better. I know it seemed like I never listened, but I did, Alexis. I listened to everything you told me and when I started putting a little action to all of it... I found out that you were right all along. I didn't need to look to anyone else but myself if I wanted to be really happy. If I put everything I had into something I really wanted then I would eventually get it. And what I wanted most was my dad back. I sat with him every night after I got home from work and I would tell him stories about the early days in Port Charles and how you always helped me and believed in me. I'd just sit there and talk to him for a couple of hours every night just talking to him about all kinds of stuff. But, he always seemed to breathe a little easier when I talked about you, so I kept on. Hell, there were a few times I even made up stories. Then when I told every story I could remember, I'd just start all over again. And I think yesterday it finally started to pay off; just like you said it would if I wanted something bad enough. So, can I ask you to help me just one more time, Alexis? Will you help me reach my dad? I need him. I need him to be able to hear me say I'm sorry and I think you're the only one who can bring him back. Will you help me, Alexis?"
A sob left her throat as she fell against him wrapping her arms around his waist. She lay her head on his shoulder and let the tears finally have their way. As his arms closed around her she finally released the grief and sorrow she held secluded in the recesses of her heart since this boy and his father were taken from her years before. She stood in the warm embrace of a man who hadn't forgotten... who counted her words worthy enough to be remembered and shared them with the man who held the largest part of her heart.
Zander stood quietly and smiled to himself knowing in his heart that he had done the right thing. She would help him. She always did. How much he admired the woman he held as close and gently as he could. He leaned his head down and whispered the prayer that sent him to sleep more times in the last year than he would ever admit.
"You know, I kept telling my dad that I sure could use a mom to talk to every once in a while. I wonder if he heard me. Think I stand a chance of finally getting everything I've ever wanted? Think maybe it's my turn this time, Alexis?"
Alexis sat at her desk remembering the previous evening's ritual with Kristina. It was a beloved time of special remembrance of introducing her daughter to those that came before her... to those who were a part of her in one way or another. It was a time of calmly laying down the foundation of a heritage she would not necessarily welcome. Seeing 'his' face staring up at her from the confines of the photo album... so many memories... so many regrets... so many feelings trapped in the past refusing to release her from the pain of it all. And then... there was Zander. Once she finally released the page for Kristina to move on hiding 'him' from her hungry eyes, another pair of dark eyes... another beloved face... another loss that still tore at her heart. They were both gone. A beautiful boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved and accepted... and in the end through desperation born of indifference died tragically alone with no one to hold him... no one to tell him he was loved... The guilt she bore from that fateful afternoon haunted her. She could have saved him... she could have stayed with him and somehow made him understand how much she loved him and would fight for him.
It was a day that Port Charles would never forget. Once the smoke cleared and the flames were extinguished, it was revealed that Cameron and Zander weren't the only ones who lost their life that day due to an old man's greed and bitter resentfulness. Nicholas still mourned the death of Emily Quartermaine who died from an injury she received from a falling chandelier. As hard as it was to accept her death it did result in the final judicial reward of one Helena Cassadine for her participation in the event. Edward suffered a massive coronary and died on the scene. His last words were for his wife. 'Tell Lila, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone.' It was too much for the graceful woman who loved so selflessly. The loss of her dear Edward and beautiful granddaughter was more than she could bear. With a heart broken and bereft she passed just one week later. Perhaps to Alexis, the most astonishing person to die that day was her former client and Kristina's father. Sonny went down with his estranged wife by his side leaving only the ashes of their remains. Alexis mourned his loss for a while albeit more so for Kristina than for herself. Her time of mourning Sonny had taken place months earlier when she finally realized that the man she fell in love with died the day Carly returned from the dead.
Michael and Morgan were taken in by the ever faithful Jason and Courtney; who finally decided to leave Port Charles in favor of a more peaceful existence. Life in Port Charles changed that day so long ago. With the demise of Sonny and without Jason it was easier to put to rest the organization that had been such an integral and destructive part of the town for many years. Ric Lansing did the best he could for a while as DA, but finally decided he wanted a more gentle life for his family and started his own corporate law practice.
Alexis was finally able to breathe easier with the knowledge that there was no one left who could threaten or steal Kristina. It almost seemed as though the fire which destroyed the hotel that day in February five years ago was the defining catalyst that the town needed to start over, washed clean of the chaos and ugliness of its most notorious residents. And those who remained slowly picked up the remnants of their lives and got on with the business of living.
As she sat there remembering she absently reached for the phone that suddenly violated the quiet stillness of her office. With a heavy sigh she picked up the receiver.
"Alexis Davis."
"Natasha."
"Luke?"
"Yeah it's me, darlin'. I hear you've stepped up in the world. Good ol' Port Chuck finally get smart and hire an honest woman to clean it up? D.A.! Not bad, Natasha."
She chuckled at his consistency when speaking of Port Charles. Luke. Much to her surprise, it was Luke who stood by her these past few years. Every few days he would show up in his inimitable fashion and check on her, and when satisfied that she was okay he'd take off again. He was never gone more than a couple of weeks at a time and he never allowed any questions regarding his mysterious trips. Luke was Luke. He lived by his own rules and didn't have the want or need to explain himself. But, as much as he tried to deny it; something happened to Luke on the day the Port Charles hotel burned. Alexis marveled at the man who walked away from that tragic fire unscathed. Luke as a compatriot could be an exasperatingly futile enterprise, but Luke as a father... After everything died down and he was able to finally walk away from the site... Luke walked back into his daughter's life... and his son's. Alexis wondered sometimes what it was that happened that day that changed Luke. When she dared to ask... in true Spencer fashion he would spout off a verbal litany of double talk that only he could follow leaving her none the wiser, but his eyes always told a different story. That day meant more to Luke than he was willing to admit. His son was saved by a man he now called a lost friend... but something else happened that day for him and he wouldn't discuss it.
"I've missed you, Luke. When did you get back?"
"I missed you too, counselor. But enough of the small talk, Natasha. I need you to come see me ASAP."
"Why?"
"Listen very carefully, sweetheart... I can't wait for you to get through asking all those damned questions of yours. Just get here pronto."
She sighed in frustration.
"If I can't ask any questions, just how am I supposed to know where you are, Luke? That would be somewhat of a required question since I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks."
"Alright. Alright. I guess there's really no way to do this, but just do it."
"Luke, what are you up to? Are you in trouble again?"
"No, but I can't say the same for you, Natasha."
Alexis quickly leaned forward in her chair and rested her arms on her desk as a look of concern settled on her face.
"Is it Helena, Luke? Did she escape? Or did we get lucky enough that she finally succumbed to the prison fare?"
"No, darlin. The Queen of the Damned' is safely tucked away. I made sure of it just this morning. Look just get that baby girl of yours settled with someone and meet me up at the cabin."
Heaving a sigh of relief, Alexis relaxed back into her chair.
"What cabin, Luke? You don't own a cabin."
An ominous quiet suddenly filled the phone line and Alexis slowly straightened again.
"Luke?"
His words were quiet, filled with compassion and horrifyingly unexpected.
"The Lewis cabin."
NO! NO! The word screamed itself through her conscience. No, she couldn't go there. Not after... She would see 'him' everywhere. And all the years it had taken for her to finally accept his death would have been for naught.
"No, Luke. I can't."
His voice took on a more gentle timbre.
"Sweetheart, you don't have a choice this time. If I have to come and kidnap you I will. But this is a non-negotiable demand. You need to drop whatever you're doing and get up here. [I]NOW![/I] I need your help."
"Luke, you know I can't. You more than anyone know what it's been like the last five years. I can't do it. Please don't ask me to."
His response told her he understood; the crack in his voice took the decision out of her hands.
"He saved my son... I owed... he saved my son's life. Please don't make me beg you, Natasha."
He had to strain to hear her soft resignation...
"Alright, Luke. Give me a couple of hours."
"Pack an overnight case, Natasha. This is going to take awhile."
************ As she pulled her car to a stop a heavy foreboding weight fell on her. As she looked through the windshield at the cabin in front of her, memories began to race through her mind. She slowly climbed from her car and closed the door leaning heavily against it. Just as she was about to straighten and walk to the door, it opened and Luke walked out.
"Nice to see you again, Natasha. How's the kid doin'?"
Frustration began to rise in her. He pulled her out here against her will and now he wanted to play nice.
"Luke, why am I here?"
"What no 'Hi Luke, glad to see you.' No 'How's the kids doin'? No 'Where you been hidin'?' Just 'Why am I here?' I thought all you Cassadine women were known for your sweet genteel manners."
"Luke."
Her frustration was quickly morphing into anger.
"Okay, Okay. Come have a seat with me on the porch. I got a buddy that needs some help and now that you're the new DA, you just might be able to do this guy some good."
"Luke you know I can't interfere in natural progression of the justice system."
"That's what I'm counting on, baby. All I want is to make sure my buddy gets a fair shake. With you in the DA's office, I think I can put aside my previous aversion to the PC legal system for now... but, just this once though."
"Damnit, Luke. Just get to the point so I can get out of here."
"Actually, Natasha that was the point. My buddy is inside... I need you to talk to him, let him tell you his story. I'll grab your bag out of the car and set it on the porch here. Then I think I'll take a little drive over to see my little girl. Call me when you get everything set up."
She couldn't believe it. She was sitting here staring dumbfounded at the old Luke. The one who pulled her into his fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants schemes; the one who created a mess then walked away.
"Luke Spencer, you are not going to leave me here with a stranger. You are not going to pull me into another one of your hair-brained schemes. And you are not going to force me into using the legal system to get one of your crack-pot buddies of the hook on a charge I'm quite sure they deserve."
She stood up abruptly and turned back toward her car and began to walk away.
"Alexis?"
She stopped instantly. That voice. She knew that voice. And it wasn't Luke. But, it was impossible. He was... She slowly turned around toward the voice with her eyes closed... the vision of a lost boy collided with the darkness behind her closed lids. Her head fell forward as the grief engulfed her again. She knew she shouldn't have come here. She knew it. It was too much.
"Alexis, please."
And there it was... once again. The pleading little boy voice she could never turn away. She opened her eyes and stared at the gravel under her feet. She focused on the sound of gravel being disturbed until a pair of feet stopped in front of her.
"Look at me, Alexis. It's me and I need your help just one more time."
Her gaze traveled up the length of his jeans and slowly up the leather jacket and finally up to the face of the first child outside of her family that she ever completely loved. Zander.
"Zander?"
She reeled at the sight of his beautiful face. Fingers hesitantly creeping up disturbed her sight and settled on his cheek. A sudden warmth ran up her arm and she realized it was her own hand reaching up to force a dream into reality.
"Zander?"
"Yeah, it's me. I got out, Alexis. I didn't die in the hotel."
Luke was watching closely and saw her sway a bit. He caught her just as her knees buckled beneath her.
"Get the door, Zander. And don't worry, she'll be okay. We gotta real trouper here. A little shock therapy is always a good thing where this little bundle is concerned. Gets her blood pumpin' good and strong again. She ain't gone; just dazed a bit."
Luke settled her in the rocking chair close to the fire and kneeled down in front of her. Taking her hands in his he quickly started rubbing them fiercely between his own. The chill of them began to slowly subside. When he looked up he found her eyes staring over his shoulder. He knew she was staring at the boy.
"Come on, Natasha. We ain't got time for you to fall apart on me now. Buck up and let's get this show on the road. That boy and I need your help. You ain't gonna take a flying leap on us now. Not if I have anything to say about it."
"Would you please shut up, Luke and stop taking the skin off my hands. I'm fine. Why don't you go find a lake somewhere to jump into?"
Luke looked back over his shoulder at Zander and grinned delightedly.
"See, what'd I tell you. This one's always been a fighter. Just have to get her going sometimes with a shock or two."
She stood up as Luke moved out of the way and stepped closer to Zander. Slowly raising her arms she wrapped them around him and held tight. She turned her head slightly to whisper... as she choked back the sobs of happiness.
"I thought... you were... gone. I thought... I... lost you too."
His arms enfolded her and she breathed a deep sign of contentment. He was home... the boy she loved like her own was finally back home where he belonged.
"I'm so sorry, Zander. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..."
"Shhhh... Alexis... you don't owe me any apologies. You didn't do anything wrong."
They stood there wrapped in each other arms for a long while quietly reconnecting the bond that had always been between them.
"I have missed you so much, Zander. I never could have imagined just how large a part of my heart belonged to you until you were gone."
"I know... it was the same with me. But, I couldn't come back until things changed in Port Charles."
She slowly and reluctantly withdrew from his arms and took his hand leading him to sit down beside her on the single bed that still claimed the same place it had the last time she found herself in this cabin.
"Talk to me, Zander. Tell me what you've been up to, where you've been and why you need my help now after all these years."
He got up abruptly and strode across the room before turning back to face her.
"I was in bad shape when I left Port Charles. I thought everyone that I ever loved had turned their back on me. I lost Emily, you lost faith in me..."
She quickly interrupted.
"I never lost faith in you, Zander. And I never stopped loving you..."
"I didn't make very good choices back then... I was angry with Nicholas... I hated him... but, it wasn't because he took Emily away from me. He couldn't take what she wasn't willing to give. He was just one more person who in the end betrayed me. Then I got mixed up with Faith and after that things really went haywire and suddenly nothing mattered anymore. I just knew I had to leave. I got out of the basement just before it exploded and headed out. When I got outside I remembered that my dad was probably still in there... "
When his voice broke she rose and went to him encircling him with her arms again.
"I'm so sorry, Zander. But... he... he didn't..."
He pulled her away from him and studied her a moment before leading her back to sit down again then sat down beside her.
"Yes he did, Alexis."
She looked at him sadly.
"I saw him, Zander. They brought him out. I was there. He didn't make it."
He took hold of her hands and locked his gaze with hers.
"Yes he did, Alexis. My dad is alive."
She pulled her hands from his and moved away from him. As she approached the window she stopped wrapping her arms around her body before turning back to him. An edge of steel found its way into her voice.
"What are you saying, Zander? That I'm crazy... that I didn't see what I saw... that he's been alive for the last five years and never once picked up a phone to say he was fine and not to worry. He may have had his faults but outright cruelty was never one of them. At least not with me; and certainly not with my daughter."
Zander stood and took a couple of steps toward her but stopped when he saw the unbelief in her eyes. And he could feel the distance between them; the wall of protection she raised against him and the hurt he was inflicting on her.
"I don't blame you for not believing me. I pretty much destroyed what we had between us those last few months before the fire. And I'm sorry for that. You did what you had to... you tried to help me the only way you could. But, you had family to take care of and it got in the way of what I expected from you. I was wrong. But, my family... or what was left of it after that explosion... I couldn't call you. I couldn't tell you. He wouldn't have wanted me to. I took him away from Port Charles and after I put a little distance between us and that place, then things started to make more sense to me... I was able to look at things and see that there was a lot that my anger and bitterness prevented me from seeing before. And I finally had to admit to myself that my dad did change after he met you. And I owed him. I owed him for not giving him a chance... so I took him away from Port Charles. I did what he would have wanted me to do."
Alexis heard most of what he said, but there were pieces of it all that raised red flags in her head. 'I couldn't call you'; 'He wouldn't have wanted'; 'I took him away'; I did what he would have wanted'... Zander was trying to tell her more with what he wasn't saying... She met him halfway and looked deep into his eyes. So like his father... so intensely expressive... so unable to hide from her. She reached for him.
"He is alive... Cameron is alive... but, there's something wrong, isn't there?"
Her joy and fear warred with each other.
"Yeah... he didn't make it out as good as I did. But... something changed yesterday, so I called Luke to help me bring him back."
She clutched him tightly fear running rampant within her.
"What's wrong, Zander? What's wrong with Cameron? I want to see him... I... I... need to see him."
Zander took hold of her arms and looked into her eyes intensely.
"I know, Alexis. I know you need to see him, but right now it's more important to me that he see you... or at least hopefully hear you."
"What do you mean... [I]hear me[/I]? Zander you need to stop beating around the bush and tell me what's going on. If you don't I'm fixing to knock you silly."
He chuckled then turned to lead her back to the bed and sat down with her.
"Okay, Alexis. Let me begin at the beginning. When I went back into the hotel to get my dad I found him just in time to see Luke and Lucky pulling a beam off of him. Luke thought he was dead. When I knelt beside him and placed my hand on his chest, I felt his heart beating. When I saw him laying there... I don't know... something inside of me just gave up. In that moment I knew that there would never be another person in this world I would want to love me like I wanted him to. And I wanted another chance with him. So I told Lucky to make sure he was taken to Mercy Hospital and I'd somehow get to him there. I didn't think about anyone but him and me. Lucky started giving me a lot of grief about arresting me and then Luke was there and somehow he got Lucky to listen to me. Luke stopped Lucky from arresting me. When I got to Mercy and found dad, he was in real bad shape. Almost dead. He came out of it long enough to see me. He told me he loved me and to do whatever I could to make sure that you and Kristina were okay. As soon as I promised to take care of you, he let go and slipped into a coma. I don't know how long I sat there, but the next thing I know Luke is standing beside me telling me he has a hearse outside waiting for us."
"A hearse?"
Zander looked up and met her eyes and together they quietly chuckled as in unison replied together. "Classic Luke."
Alexis grew still again and placed her hand on his arm rubbing back and forth a few times before squeezing it comfortingly.
"Go on, Zander. Finish telling me."
"Luke said something about owing my dad and that the best way he could repay him was to make sure that I got out of the mess I was in. In order for that to happen, he figured I needed to put a little time and distance between myself and Port Charles, but with dad in the condition he was in; Luke knew I wouldn't leave him. So, he figured he'd get us both out of town. We ended up in a convalescent home in the town I grew up in down in Florida. Dad had so many friends down there at one time that I thought maybe I could get them to help him. But, nothing they did worked. I got a job down there after a while and started putting my life back together and every month or so, Luke would drop in to check up on us and let me know what all was going on here. The first time he showed up we sat down together and discussed whether we ought to tell you what was going on or not, but with my dad asking me to take care of you... I didn't think it would be fair for us to put your life on hold while we waited to see what was going to happen with him. I knew you had already mourned him. I didn't want you to go through that again. And Luke agreed with me. We figured that if dad did come out of the coma then he could make the choice for himself. I spent too much time turning my back on my dad that once I had another chance with him... I didn't want to screw it up."
Alexis wanted to scream at him, at Luke and at Cameron for leaving her to grieve for a man who hadn't died. She was furious that the decision had been taken out of her hands. But the sadness and guilt in Zander's eyes kept her still. He knew what he cost her, and he knew what it was taking for her to keep silent.
"I'm sorry, Alexis. I let him down so many times. I couldn't do it this time. Not even for you. He needed [I]me[/I]... he needed me to stand with him this time instead of running away again. I couldn't leave him and I couldn't go against what he would have wanted me to do. He's my dad and no matter what happened between us before... when it finally mattered the most... he put his trust in me."
She leaned close and pulled him into her arms hugging him close.
"It's okay, Zander. I understand and I'm glad you two finally had a chance to put things right between you."
He allowed her to hold him as long as she needed to, but knew he needed to keep a solid grip on his own tightly controlled emotions. They weren't through yet... there was more she needed to know. When he felt her loosen her hold he leaned back and took hold of her hands.
"Here's the hard part, Alexis. It's why I had to call Luke to help me get dad back up here. I need your help. I need to be free enough to be able to walk back into Port Charles without being afraid of getting arrested."
Alexis frowned a bit before encouraging him to continue.
"You've lost me, Zander. No one is looking for you. All charges were dropped a few years ago when the truth came out. We know you didn't shoot Brian and Jax is not pressing charges against you. You can go back to Port Charles anytime you like. Of course, it's not the same as it was. You won't be able to get a job in organized crime anymore even if it were still possible. I would put you in jail myself before allowing you to get involved in that mess again. And just so you can breathe a little easier... I closed your filed when I took over the DA's office. There was no evidence to support the charges against you. So whatever it is you need to do, go ahead. You're a free man."
"Alexis, it's not what I need to do that matters right now. It's what you need to do that counts the most here."
Alexis finally lost her patience with Zander. In as much as she adored him, she knew he was hedging around something that was evidently quite important not only to himself but to her as well and all of a sudden something he said early finally hit her.
"He's here. You brought him here. Zander, where... where's Cameron? Is he still... did he... Please don't do this to me. Just tell me if he's still alive."
Her voice raised in fear and Zander slid from the bed and knelt beside her. He wasn't handling this very well, but he was afraid of how she would react. Would she still want to see his dad? Would she hurt him and not know it? Looking up into her soft eyes filled with fear, he knew in his heart that once again Alexis would come through for him.
"Hey, calm down Alexis. He is here... in Port Charles. But, he's still in a coma or at least he was, but we think he's trying to come out of it. I think... well Luke and me, we think that you could probably reach him now if you were to go see him."
Alexis stood and walked away from Zander. Her insides were shaking so bad she couldn't sit still any longer. Cameron. Alive. In Port Charles. And Zander wanted her to... to what. What could she do? She turned around to stare at the beautiful boy who stole her heart so long ago.
"Why do you say that, Zander? What is it that you think I can do for Cameron?"
Zander stood and walked to her. He lifted his hands and laid them gently on her shoulders.
"Something happened yesterday. I've not heard a word out of him for 5 years, but yesterday he spoke."
"What? What did he say?"
"He called out your name, Alexis. My dad needs you I think. Will you please go see him? See if you can help him come back. You've pulled me out of so many messes it's a wonder why you don't go running from me. But, when it comes right down to the bottom line of things, you've been my cornerstone. When I left PC, and settled dad... I kept thinking about all the things you used to tell me; things that I should do to make my life better. I know it seemed like I never listened, but I did, Alexis. I listened to everything you told me and when I started putting a little action to all of it... I found out that you were right all along. I didn't need to look to anyone else but myself if I wanted to be really happy. If I put everything I had into something I really wanted then I would eventually get it. And what I wanted most was my dad back. I sat with him every night after I got home from work and I would tell him stories about the early days in Port Charles and how you always helped me and believed in me. I'd just sit there and talk to him for a couple of hours every night just talking to him about all kinds of stuff. But, he always seemed to breathe a little easier when I talked about you, so I kept on. Hell, there were a few times I even made up stories. Then when I told every story I could remember, I'd just start all over again. And I think yesterday it finally started to pay off; just like you said it would if I wanted something bad enough. So, can I ask you to help me just one more time, Alexis? Will you help me reach my dad? I need him. I need him to be able to hear me say I'm sorry and I think you're the only one who can bring him back. Will you help me, Alexis?"
A sob left her throat as she fell against him wrapping her arms around his waist. She lay her head on his shoulder and let the tears finally have their way. As his arms closed around her she finally released the grief and sorrow she held secluded in the recesses of her heart since this boy and his father were taken from her years before. She stood in the warm embrace of a man who hadn't forgotten... who counted her words worthy enough to be remembered and shared them with the man who held the largest part of her heart.
Zander stood quietly and smiled to himself knowing in his heart that he had done the right thing. She would help him. She always did. How much he admired the woman he held as close and gently as he could. He leaned his head down and whispered the prayer that sent him to sleep more times in the last year than he would ever admit.
"You know, I kept telling my dad that I sure could use a mom to talk to every once in a while. I wonder if he heard me. Think I stand a chance of finally getting everything I've ever wanted? Think maybe it's my turn this time, Alexis?"