Ch. 9 Saying I Love You.
Jessi sat at Hermione's desk, her quill ready to write. As soon as she decided what she wanted to say. When she finally decided she scribbled the note quickly.
Remus,
Meet me In the Shrieking Shack at 1 am. It's really important.
Jessi
"Are you guys ready?" She asked as she rolled the note up and put it into her pocket.
"Yeah…are you sure this will work?" Hermione asked warily.
"No…but I have to try." She answered softly.
"If you want him to meet you at one we have to get a move on" Harry said, handing the invisibility cloak to Hermione.
"Right then let's go" Hermione said as she threw the cloak over her shoulders and pulled the hood up over her head.
"Thank you two so much." Jessi said looking between Harry and the spot she knew Hermione was standing in, as she pulled on her cloak.
"No Problem but let's go" Harry said opening the door for the girls.
They walked to the owlery Harry and Jessi talking quietly, Hermione admonishing them in a barely audible whisper ever so often to keep it down. When they reached the owlery Jessi sent her letter to Remus with Persephone, telling the owl to go quickly and not get caught. After they sent the owl the three friends moved quickly across the grounds to the Whomping Willow. Harry used a stick to prod the knot at the base of the trunk and they quickly entered the passage. Hermione went first, still covered by the Invisibility cloak, followed by Jessi and finally Harry, who closed the hole quickly. Hermione took the invisibility cloak off and the three of them stood nervously glancing at each other.
"Thank You two so so much" Jessi said quietly.
"We're your friends, we want you to be happy…."Hermione said before Harry interrupted her.
"….and we'd never let Malfoy get away with blackmail"
"You too really are the best" She said hugging each of them.
"We should get out of here before Remus shows up…if we pass him in the hall the whole thing will be blown." Hermione stated logically.
"Yeah…right" Jessi said softly, as she handed Hermione her cloak.
"Jess are you sure about this?" Harry asked "Are you sure you don't want to just come back up to the castle?"
"No…I'm sure"
"Alright then….here goes nothing" Hermione said. She threw Jessi's cloak over her shoulders and pulled the hood up so it obscured her face. "We'll see you tomorrow in the kitchens at 10 like always right?"
"Of course…it's tradition" Jessi said.
"Mione…..we have to go" Harry said "If we don't we'll never make it back into the castle without running into Remus"
"Alright….bye Jess" Hermione said as Harry lead her out the door.
Jessi watched as Harry and Hermione ascended the stairs back out onto the grounds. When the door was shut Jessi lit the end of her wand and hurried down the passage to the Shrieking Shack. She entered the darkened shack. She glanced at the old clock someone had left hanging on the clock. It was one exactly.
Jessi paced the room slowly waiting for Remus. The next time she looked up at the clock it was nearing twenty after. She glanced out the window of the Shack into the dark streets, she debated going out into the passageway to look for him when she heard the trapdoor squeak open. She turned and was about to speak when she caught the coldness in his eyes.
"Hello" he said stonily.
"Hi" she tried to sound cheery, but the tone of his voice when he spoke wouldn't let her.
"Was there something you wanted when you sent that note to me?" he spoke evenly, but his voice barely concealed his anger.
"Well yes…but Why are you so angry?"
"Why am I angry…..You know I've thought about you a lot over the last four months, the thought that you were stupid never entered my head until now" he ground out.
"Are you going to throw insults all night or actually give me a straight answer" Jessi asked him.
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out you were down here with Harry?…Was that why you sent that owl…you wanted me to find the two of you together?" his voice dropped an octave making him appear deceptively calm.
"Harry?…You think I was here with Harry? That's wrong on so many levels I mean…." she was cut off abruptly by Remus who seemed to not have heard her.
"Does he love you? Does he make you feel like your heart is going to burst just because your near him? When you're with him does the whole world seem right?" he practically roared as her crossed the room to her, pining her between himself and the wall.
"Remus if you'll just….." She was cut off when he kissed her, hard. His lips crushed hers in a violent attack. Jessi responded to him almost immediately, kissing him back fervently. When the kiss finally ended they were both breathing heavily. Jessi looked up at Remus unable to speak. They stood in silence for what seemed like hours before Remus finally spoke.
"Does Harry make you feel like the way you feel now" he asked her quietly, his breathing still shallow.
"I wouldn't know I've never seen Harry as more than a close friend" she said softly as she tried to move away from him, only to find herself still trapped between him and the wall.
"But...you…and he…." he sputtered.
"If you would have given me a chance to explain, I would have told you everything" she continued hanging her head. "Harry and Hermione were both down here with me tonight. They were helping me get out here so I could see you"
"Why did you need their help to see me?"
"That's why I didn't come to your office tonight, Malfoy...he's got a memory box." she stated plainly.
"Jessi….lots of people have those…I have several" he said raising an eyebrow.
"If your not going to listen I'm going back up to the castle" her voice rising slightly in annoyance.
"Ok ok I'll listen" he said guiding her over to a worn out couch near the fire place.
"So Malfoy's memory box contains just about every private moment we've had this year. Starting on the train up through the other night in your office when….you said you loved me" she stopped to take a breath, but held a hand up to keep him from interrupting. "He said if I saw you again he'd take it to Dumbledore, You'd lose you job, I'd be expelled….so I agreed. Outside of class I'm never supposed to see you again."
"That little rat…Jess, I'm so sorry for earlier I should have given you a chance to explain, I should have trusted you." he said quietly.
"Yes you should have" she said nodding.
"I really am sorry Jessi…please don't stay angry"
"I'm not angry, I never was, I'm hurt that you didn't trust me but I'm not angry"
"I know, I should have trusted you…and I knew in my head that even if you were down here with Harry you weren't doing anything …..but just the implication made me want to break something"
"That's rather unlike you….you hardly ever get that angry"
"I know…you do that to me…the thought of you with someone else does that to me every time…I meant it when I said I loved you"
"I love you too….that's what I was going to tell you tonight"
"You….You…" he stammered
"Yes, I love you…you and only you….I think my heart has known that since I was thirteen my head just took a while to catch up"
"Since you were thirteen?" he asked.
"mmmhmmm" she answered softly.
"You know we can't stay down here all night right?" he half stated half asked as he gently kissed her temple.
"Yes…I can think of much better places for us to spend our time." she said lifting her head to look in his eyes.
"Jessi…don't start something your not ready for" he said warningly.
"Who says I'm not ready?" she asked.
"Jess…you can't know what you're talking about. You're to young and I could hurt you. That's the last thing I want is to hurt you" he stood and paced as he spoke.
"Remus….stop it…..I'm not made of glass…I won't break" she said standing and walking over to him resting her hand on his arm.
"I never want to hurt you…ever" he said softly, taking her in his arms and burying his head in her shoulder.
"You won't I promise" she embraced him gently.
"Jessi…you don't know …you've never seen me as…"
"I have though…third year remember" she cut him off placing a finger over his lips.
"How could I forget?…I just never want to hurt you" he said quietly.
"I already told you you won't" she rose on her toes and kissed him softly.
"Alright…just because I'm dropping it now though doesn't mean I won't worry about it."
"You don't have to but I know I can't stop you."
"What do you say we head back up to the castle…find a real fire….or we could start one of our own" he whispered in her ear.
"Hmm….we'll have to see won't we?" she asked, shivering slightly when his warm breath hit her ear.
"That we will" he said as he handed her the invisibility cloak.
Jessi slipped the cloak on and pulled it up over her head. "Lead on"
The two left the Shrieking Shack. They proceeded quickly across the grounds. It might have looked odd to an unknowing onlooker when Remus held the door open when he appeared to be alone. They walked silently down the deserted corridors. When they reached his door Remus said several incantations, pushed open the door and lead Jessi inside as he flipped on the lights.
"Here we are, I'll go start that fire….you're lips are blue, how long were you out there?"
"I'm not really sure...an hour and a half or so" she mumbled glancing around the room. They had entered a small sitting room that looked like similar to the Gryffindor Common Room. Jessi looked around the room thoughtful, she noticed that he had a whole wall of bookshelves that were filled from floor to ceiling. The whole room was incredibly neat and tidy. "This room fits you?"
"How so?" he asked.
"It's very ordered and neat" she turned to face him. "Everything in it's place"
"Not everything"
"No?" she asked softly looking up at him. "What's missing…did you leave…"
"Jessi, sweetheart, there's nothing wrong don't look so worried" he smiled at her chuckling softly.
"You're sure?"
"Well there is one thing?" he smirked and took a step closer to him.
"What?"
"You're standing so far away…come here you" he grinned at her as he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"I agree…this is much better"
Jessi didn't get to say much else before Remus kissed her again. She didn't hesitate at all in kissing him back. She slowly slid her arms around his neck, more to keep herself from sinking to the ground that anything else.
Remus groaned softly when she kissed him back. He was either in heaven or he was going to hell, at the moment he didn't care which. With a wave of his wand he extinguished all of the lights plunging the room into darkness.
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Jessi snuggled further under the blanket, smiling contentedly when she felt Remus' arm tighten around her waist. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table and groaned, she only had two hours to finish packing and meet her friends in the kitchens. She shifted out from under his arm and sat on the edge of the bed smiling softly.
"Morning" Remus said returning her smile.
"Good Morning" she said leaning down to kiss him.
"You leaving already?"
"Regrettably Yes….I have to finish packing before I meet up with Hermione, Ron and Harry" she said as she dressed quickly.
"You're leaving for Christmas then?"
"Yeah, I wish I wasn't but when my Mother says come…you come" she rolled her eyes as she slipped on her shoes. "Besides...it isn't as if you're staying here, I have it on good authority you and Harry are going to Grimmauld Place"
"Yeah we are, then to the Weasely's for New Years Eve."
"I'll see you there then, if I can get past my prison guard"
"Prison guard?" he asked skeptically.
"Nevermind…I should go though"
"You're probably right."
"I'll see you after Christmas then"
"Have a Happy Christmas Jess" he said as he kissed her.
"You do the same, I love you"
"I love you too"
She left the bedroom quickly. Throwing the Invisibility cloak on she slipped into the corridor and headed for Gryffindor Tower. She entered tower as Parvati and Lavender were leaving and she slipped silently upstairs into her dormitory. She took her shower and dressed hurriedly as she packed. She entered the Common Room just as Ron came in.
"There you are…where have you been?" he asked impatiently.
"I was packing Ron, you know to go home"
"Oh well, nevermind then…you're looking extremely happy this morning."
"So I'm not allowed to be happy?" she snapped at him.
"Of course you are it's just you look the same kind of happy you usually did after you'd spent the night with Oliver back in 5th year" Ron said smirking "You didn't see old Oliver last night did you?"
"No I didn't see Oliver last night…I haven't seen him in ages" she mused as she sank into an armchair.
"But you did see someone then?" Ron asked sitting across from her.
"Mmmhmmm"
"Who?" Ron asked looking at her puzzled.
"I'll tell you later….and for the record I never slept with Oliver"
"You didn't?"
"Nope" she shook her head.
"McGonagall just came in…..she never comes in on train days, wonder what she wants?"
"How should I know"
"Miss Carmichael, Professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office before you leave for the holidays" McGonagall said as she approached them.
"Do you know why Professor?" Jessi paled visibly as she asked.
"Yes, I do, It appears you will be leaving us for the next term…Professor Dumbledore will give you the complete information."
"O-o-ok" she stood and turned to face Ron "Go on and meet Hermione and Harry, I'll be down after I talk to Dumbledore"
"Alright, I'll see you in a bit then" Ron said as he hurried out the portrait hole.
Jessi followed Professor McGonagall down the hallway towards Dumbledore's office. McGonagall went up almost immediately leaving Jessi alone in the hallway wondering why she was there. She paced slowly but stopped abruptly when the stone gargoyle sprang to life. She looked warily at the stairs standing at the bottom peering up into the office.
"Miss Carmichael please come up" she heard Dumbledore call. She went precariously up the stairs nervous as to what she'd find when she got there. "Ah…Miss Carmichael please have a seat" Dumbledore gestured to the chairs in front of his desk.
"Thank you Professor" she said quietly as she sat. Even though she'd been in his office several time she still couldn't help but look around. When she finally looked back at Dumbledore he smiled at her.
"Miss Carmichael, It is quite regrettable that you will not be joining us for the majority of the next term" his said
"That's what Professor McGonagall said but….."
"Miss Carmichael, it might be beneficial for you to not interrupt and for you to actually listen to the Headmaster" Professor Snape snapped as he came out of the shadows.
"Severus…please, it's quite alright Miss Carmichael" Dumbledore said. "Miss Carmichael, do you remember filling out forms for the St. Mungo's program?"
"Yes…at the end of last school year, I had assumed since I hadn't heard from the yet I didn't get in" she shrugged.
"Well you have been accepted. The acceptance letters for the Hogwarts students came last night." Dumbledore said smiling. "Miss Patil of Ravenclaw and Miss Zambini of Slytherin have both already been notified."
"This is…just…wow…I can't believe it" Jessi stammered excitedly.
Dumbledore spent the better part of a half an hour telling her the rest of the details. She left his office beaming and practically skipped towards the kitchens. Near the door she ran into Padma Patil and they congratulated each other and promised to owl about possibly getting a flat together. She skipped into the kitchen and beamed at her friends.
"You look absolutely ecstatic Jess….I thought you were gonna have to leave Hogwarts?" Ron asked worriedly.
"Did Malfoy find out about you and Remus seeing each other last night? Did he take the memory box to Dumbledore?" Harry questioned quickly.
"If you have to leave why do you look so happy?" Hermione put in. "This certainly still can't be a residual glow from being with Remus?"
"You were with Remus?" Ron nearly yelled "Jessi he's a teacher, Merlin"
"Ok…slow down, Yes I'm leaving Hogwarts, but it's a good thing I'll explain in a minute. To my knowledge Ferret head doesn't know about me seeing Remus last night." Jessi paused to take a breath before continuing "Yes I'm very happy , and If this is residual glow I wouldn't know."
"You slept with Oliver in fifth year though" Harry said smirking
"Did not, came close though , I just wasn't ready" Jessi answered grabbing a croissant of Ron's plate.
"Well now you tell us this…but that's beside point, Why are you so happy about having to leave Hogwarts?" Harry asked.
"Hermione, do you remember when I filled out all that paper work for the St. Mungo's Early training program?" Jessi asked, thanking Dobby for the cup of tea.
"Yeah…it's all you talked about for days" Hermione answered.
"Well I got in" Jessi said excitedly.
"Jess that's so great" Hermione shrieked hugging her friend.
"What are you two on about?" Ron asked genuinely confused.
"Well every year St. Mungo's accepts three students from each of the major wizarding schools to start their Healer's training in there last term of their last year. They spend the term at St. Mungo's training under the most prominent and specialized Healers and then come back to sit their NEWT's and graduate with the rest of their class." Jessi explained
"Wow…that sounds like a great opportunity, but you said three students" Ron said.
"Yeah Padma Patil and Blaise Zambini both got accepted as well… I ran into Padma in the hall we talked about getting a flat together"
"P-p-Padma?" Ron stuttered.
"Yes why?" Jessi asked.
"It's just…I can't believe she was gonna leave and not tell me" Ron said
"What are you talking about mate" Harry asked.
"Padma and I got together after the last time Olivia and I broke up, it wasn't serious till recently, well last night when I told her I loved her…..and she was gonna leave without telling me" he ended on a sad note.
"Ron, they just told everyone this morning she want to tell you but hasn't seen you yet" Jessi said softly.
"I have to go find her I'll see you guys on the train" Ron said as he dashed out of the kitchens.
"Speaking of telling people" Harry said
"I'm not going to tell Remus yet, if that's what you're getting at Harry" Jessi said finishing the last of her tea.
"You're really going to leave without telling Remus?" Hermione asked.
"Today yes, I'll tell him when I see him on New Year's" Jessi stated looking between Hermione and Harry.
"Fine…..but you have to tell him then, no putting it off" Harry said.
"I know Harry" Jessi said standing. "We should hurry though or we're liable to miss the train."
"Right let's go then." Hermione said.
Jessi glanced one last time around the kitchen waving goodbye to the house elves. As they walked back towards Gryffindor Tower to get their bags for the train Jessi looked around thinking about all the adventures she'd had here and all the friends she'd made. All three snickered softly when they saw Ron and Padma kissing in front of the tower, apparently Padma had been planning on telling Ron.
They all boarded the train talking happily. Jessi sat looking out the window of the cramped compartment, watching as the rain ran down the windows in small rivulets. I guess Hermione was right. This year wasn't nearly long enough.