The Hurting Time Has Come
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter Four
Once Carter is settled, everyone backs off to give me a few minutes alone with him. I can hear their hushed whispers as they huddled around Luka's bed, but Carter had my full attention. I hold his hands, kiss them, kiss his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his lips.
"I'm here, baby," I tell him. Tears have filled my eyes and start to slip out. They fall and splatter like rain drops on his chest. He's alive. He's alive, and his stats are strong. He's going to be fine. He has to be fine. "I'm here with you and I'm never going to leave you. Luka's here too. Right over there. He's doing great. So are you, Carter. You survived. You made it through surgery. You're going to be just fine, baby. You know that, don't you?"
I know my words have turned to moans. I can't help it. I can't think straight. I want him to open his eyes, smile at me, take me in his arms, kiss me. I'd be happy with open eyes and a smile. Something. Anything. But there is nothing.
I want to get in the bed with him and hold him. He needs to know I'm close to him. I'm holding his hand, kissing him, but it doesn't feel like enough. He needs more. I need more.
"How are you holding up?" It's Romano, standing a few feet from me at the end of Carter's bed. I don't want to take my eyes off Carter to look at him. But I do, and I try to smile. It's the least I can do. "He's through the hard part."
I nod. "I know."
"I won't lie to you, Abby. It's touch and go. He's in bad shape. He could go either way. But we did what we could, and I think he's got a good chance. We won't lose him, Abby."
I turn my attention back to Carter. He looks like an angel laying there. Like nothing ever happened, and he's just sleeping. But he isn't just sleeping. He's unconscious. He's in a coma. He's hovering very close to death. I feel like I'm trapped in some psychotic horror movie.
Dear God, why did this have to happen? Why? Why Carter? Why Luka? Was so psycho hiding out in the men's room with a butcher knife, just waiting for whoever happened along?
I put my hand out, and Romano takes it, squeezes it. Everyone thinks he's a hard-ass, slave driving, downgrading jerk. But he's got a heart of gold in there somewhere. He just needs a little help showing it.
Nothing like seeing two of your colleagues taken down to bring out the best in a guy. I wonder if he thinks how easily it could have been him. If he had gone into the bathroom then, instead of Carter. Instead of Luka.
I release his hand and bring mine up to Carter's face. "You hear that, Carter? Romano says you're going to be fine. And you know you can't disappoint Romano."
Romano reaches out to pat my shoulder, then Carter's leg. The he slips away, back to Luka's bedside. I lean in to kiss Carter's lips one more time, then lay my head next to him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
We're in his jeep, and he won't tell me where we're going. "You'll see," he says, and flashes his impish grin. I rub my bulging belly. I hope the child inherits that quirky mouth, those deep brown puppy dog eyes. I know he's going to be the best daddy, and because of him I know I'm going to do okay too.
I never wanted kids before him. I never thought I could handle the responsibility, the fear. But his love showed me it's okay to be afraid. He's scared too, just a little. But mostly he's excited, and that makes me excited too.
We've already chosen the names. John Robert is the boy, we'll call him Jack. A girl would be named Savannah Millicent. Savannah has always been one of my favorite names, but I hope the baby is a boy who will grow up to be just like his daddy.
He stops the car and turns to me. I look at him and smile. The sun is shining, glowing. Birds are singing. Everything seems perfect. But I know nothing is perfect. Nothing is ever really perfect. And then I notice the blood. On his shirt, his mouth. His eyes are wide with shock. He reaches out to me, but he's so far away.
"Carter!" I scream. "Carter!"
"Shhh, Abby. Abby, shhh. It was just a dream. Calm down, honey."
I turn to Susan and bury my face against her shoulder. She strokes my hair, and after a minute I turn back to Carter. I kiss him and hold his hand to my cheek. Susan keeps her hand on my shoulder, and I appreciate the gesture. There is no need for words, she knows what I'm feeling. On some level she feels it too. Carter is her friend, a very dear friend. But he isn't her forever. He's mine.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Use the review button to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter Four
Once Carter is settled, everyone backs off to give me a few minutes alone with him. I can hear their hushed whispers as they huddled around Luka's bed, but Carter had my full attention. I hold his hands, kiss them, kiss his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his lips.
"I'm here, baby," I tell him. Tears have filled my eyes and start to slip out. They fall and splatter like rain drops on his chest. He's alive. He's alive, and his stats are strong. He's going to be fine. He has to be fine. "I'm here with you and I'm never going to leave you. Luka's here too. Right over there. He's doing great. So are you, Carter. You survived. You made it through surgery. You're going to be just fine, baby. You know that, don't you?"
I know my words have turned to moans. I can't help it. I can't think straight. I want him to open his eyes, smile at me, take me in his arms, kiss me. I'd be happy with open eyes and a smile. Something. Anything. But there is nothing.
I want to get in the bed with him and hold him. He needs to know I'm close to him. I'm holding his hand, kissing him, but it doesn't feel like enough. He needs more. I need more.
"How are you holding up?" It's Romano, standing a few feet from me at the end of Carter's bed. I don't want to take my eyes off Carter to look at him. But I do, and I try to smile. It's the least I can do. "He's through the hard part."
I nod. "I know."
"I won't lie to you, Abby. It's touch and go. He's in bad shape. He could go either way. But we did what we could, and I think he's got a good chance. We won't lose him, Abby."
I turn my attention back to Carter. He looks like an angel laying there. Like nothing ever happened, and he's just sleeping. But he isn't just sleeping. He's unconscious. He's in a coma. He's hovering very close to death. I feel like I'm trapped in some psychotic horror movie.
Dear God, why did this have to happen? Why? Why Carter? Why Luka? Was so psycho hiding out in the men's room with a butcher knife, just waiting for whoever happened along?
I put my hand out, and Romano takes it, squeezes it. Everyone thinks he's a hard-ass, slave driving, downgrading jerk. But he's got a heart of gold in there somewhere. He just needs a little help showing it.
Nothing like seeing two of your colleagues taken down to bring out the best in a guy. I wonder if he thinks how easily it could have been him. If he had gone into the bathroom then, instead of Carter. Instead of Luka.
I release his hand and bring mine up to Carter's face. "You hear that, Carter? Romano says you're going to be fine. And you know you can't disappoint Romano."
Romano reaches out to pat my shoulder, then Carter's leg. The he slips away, back to Luka's bedside. I lean in to kiss Carter's lips one more time, then lay my head next to him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
We're in his jeep, and he won't tell me where we're going. "You'll see," he says, and flashes his impish grin. I rub my bulging belly. I hope the child inherits that quirky mouth, those deep brown puppy dog eyes. I know he's going to be the best daddy, and because of him I know I'm going to do okay too.
I never wanted kids before him. I never thought I could handle the responsibility, the fear. But his love showed me it's okay to be afraid. He's scared too, just a little. But mostly he's excited, and that makes me excited too.
We've already chosen the names. John Robert is the boy, we'll call him Jack. A girl would be named Savannah Millicent. Savannah has always been one of my favorite names, but I hope the baby is a boy who will grow up to be just like his daddy.
He stops the car and turns to me. I look at him and smile. The sun is shining, glowing. Birds are singing. Everything seems perfect. But I know nothing is perfect. Nothing is ever really perfect. And then I notice the blood. On his shirt, his mouth. His eyes are wide with shock. He reaches out to me, but he's so far away.
"Carter!" I scream. "Carter!"
"Shhh, Abby. Abby, shhh. It was just a dream. Calm down, honey."
I turn to Susan and bury my face against her shoulder. She strokes my hair, and after a minute I turn back to Carter. I kiss him and hold his hand to my cheek. Susan keeps her hand on my shoulder, and I appreciate the gesture. There is no need for words, she knows what I'm feeling. On some level she feels it too. Carter is her friend, a very dear friend. But he isn't her forever. He's mine.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Use the review button to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!