The Hurting Time Has Come
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 9
He's awake! I can' believe he's awake! He's going to be okay. I mean I know he's not out of the woods yet, and he's got a long recovery ahead of him, but he's awake and that's the first step…He's going to b okay.
Elizabeth is with him, Gillian and I are in the hallway. She's leaning against the wall, but I feel like I have to keep moving. I'm so excited. I want Elizabeth to hurry up and let me go back to him.
"I would kill for a cigarette right about now," Gillian says.
"Don't tempt me," I say, but I don't mean it. I'm not about to sacrifice one second with Carter for a smoke. "I wonder what's taking so long?" I glance at my watch, then look through the small window. Elizabeth is sitting by the bed, probably just talking to him. I consider going in, but I don't want to barge in. If she doesn't hurry up, I don't know how much longer I can wait.
After another minute, she stands and walks toward the door. She steps into the hallway before I can get into the room.
"Everything looks good," she says, "but he is very confused. He's talking which is wonderful, but try to keep him quiet for a few hours. He'll probably sleep a lot anyway."
I don't care to stand in the hallway wasting precious time I could be with him. "Don't worry, Elizabeth." I push the door open and move to his bedside.
"You're going to be okay, Carter," I tell him. He closes his eyes and turns his head from me. I reach out and take his jaw in my hand and force him back around. His eyes are still closed and he looks distressed. "Baby, do you remember what happened?"
His eyes open then close again. "No," he whispers, his voice thick and grainy.
I don't know if I should tell him. Luka doesn't remember either. Maybe it's better if they don't know. They can't relive it if they don't know.
I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze.
"I don't know you."
I freeze at his words. He didn't just say that. He couldn't have just said he doesn't know me. He has to know me. How can he not know me?
"Who are you?" His eyes open. He looks at me and Gillian, and me again before they close. He's so tired. Groggy. Confused. Elizabeth said he was confused.
"Shhh. Elizabeth said you shouldn't talk too much. You need to rest." He doesn't answer. The muscles in his face have gone slack. "He's asleep," I say more to comfort myself than anything else.
"The doctor said he was confused," Gillian offers. I know she's trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate that, but…but I don't like that he questioned me at all. He said he didn't know who I was. He doesn't know who I am…
"I know. I'm sure it's just…he's been through a lot. He just woke up. He doesn't know what happened or why or anything. A lot of trauma patients are disoriented when they first wake up. I'm sure it will pass." I say the words but I don't believe it. "Will you stay with him? I'm going to go for a walk."
"I'll be right here."
I don't want to leave him, but I need to get out of this room. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I need to get some fresh air. I need to calm down about this whole amnesia thing before I let it get the best of me.
I've seen it happen before, but it's never been personal. Carter, my Carter, the love of my life, looked at me and said he didn't know me. Four days ago I was dreaming of when he would propose to me, and now he doesn't know who I am.
I make my way up to the roof. Our roof. How many times have we come up here to steal a few minutes alone? The memories dance around my head like music until I fall to my knees and curl up against the wall crying like a baby.
I don't know how long I stay there like that before I'm aware someone is standing over me. "Abby?"
Susan. I sit up and wipe my eyes.
"I thought I would find you up here."
I know Susan has her own Carter-on-the-roof memories. I feel a wave of jealousy crash through me and it takes all my will power to keep it locked down.
"He said he doesn't know who I am."
"It's probably temporary."
"What if it's not?"
"Abby," Susan sits down beside me with her back to the wall and her knees drawn up. "I know it scare you, and you have every right to be scared and upset. But you know he loves you."
"He can't love me if he doesn't know me."
"He just woke up. He's confused. Give it time, Abby."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel like I could get sick. "I don't know if I an handle him saying things like that."
"It's better than nothing at all, isn't it? He's awake. He's going to get better. He's going to remember you. Don't you want to be there with him when it happens?"
"It might not happen, Susan. He might have permanent amnesia."
"Or it could be post-traumatic confusion." She stands and offers her hand to help me up. "I'm going inside. Are you coming?"
I reach for her hand and let her pull me up. "I could really go for a drink right now."
Susan rolls her eyes at me. "I don't think so."
"Cigarette?"
"I'm all out. Sorry."
"Maybe next time."
"Yeah. Maybe. Let's go." She puts her arm over my shoulder and leads me inside.
Matej is asleep in the chair with his feet propped up on Luka's bed. Luka's eyes are open and fixed on his brother. His focus shifts to Susan and me as we come in, but only for a moment. I smile at him, and move to Carter's side of the room.
Gillian has her head on the bed. She looks up and sits back in her chair. "He's been asleep the whole time you were gone."
"Good." I sit down and reach for his hand. Susan puts her hand on my shoulder. I feel tears start to fill my eyes and I blink them back. I don't want to cry. Not here, not now. Not ever. I've had enough of crying. He's awake. I just want to be happy for a little while. Is that so much to ask?
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Okay. Opinions, please. Use the review option. ;) Thanks so much for reading!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 9
He's awake! I can' believe he's awake! He's going to be okay. I mean I know he's not out of the woods yet, and he's got a long recovery ahead of him, but he's awake and that's the first step…He's going to b okay.
Elizabeth is with him, Gillian and I are in the hallway. She's leaning against the wall, but I feel like I have to keep moving. I'm so excited. I want Elizabeth to hurry up and let me go back to him.
"I would kill for a cigarette right about now," Gillian says.
"Don't tempt me," I say, but I don't mean it. I'm not about to sacrifice one second with Carter for a smoke. "I wonder what's taking so long?" I glance at my watch, then look through the small window. Elizabeth is sitting by the bed, probably just talking to him. I consider going in, but I don't want to barge in. If she doesn't hurry up, I don't know how much longer I can wait.
After another minute, she stands and walks toward the door. She steps into the hallway before I can get into the room.
"Everything looks good," she says, "but he is very confused. He's talking which is wonderful, but try to keep him quiet for a few hours. He'll probably sleep a lot anyway."
I don't care to stand in the hallway wasting precious time I could be with him. "Don't worry, Elizabeth." I push the door open and move to his bedside.
"You're going to be okay, Carter," I tell him. He closes his eyes and turns his head from me. I reach out and take his jaw in my hand and force him back around. His eyes are still closed and he looks distressed. "Baby, do you remember what happened?"
His eyes open then close again. "No," he whispers, his voice thick and grainy.
I don't know if I should tell him. Luka doesn't remember either. Maybe it's better if they don't know. They can't relive it if they don't know.
I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze.
"I don't know you."
I freeze at his words. He didn't just say that. He couldn't have just said he doesn't know me. He has to know me. How can he not know me?
"Who are you?" His eyes open. He looks at me and Gillian, and me again before they close. He's so tired. Groggy. Confused. Elizabeth said he was confused.
"Shhh. Elizabeth said you shouldn't talk too much. You need to rest." He doesn't answer. The muscles in his face have gone slack. "He's asleep," I say more to comfort myself than anything else.
"The doctor said he was confused," Gillian offers. I know she's trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate that, but…but I don't like that he questioned me at all. He said he didn't know who I was. He doesn't know who I am…
"I know. I'm sure it's just…he's been through a lot. He just woke up. He doesn't know what happened or why or anything. A lot of trauma patients are disoriented when they first wake up. I'm sure it will pass." I say the words but I don't believe it. "Will you stay with him? I'm going to go for a walk."
"I'll be right here."
I don't want to leave him, but I need to get out of this room. I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I need to get some fresh air. I need to calm down about this whole amnesia thing before I let it get the best of me.
I've seen it happen before, but it's never been personal. Carter, my Carter, the love of my life, looked at me and said he didn't know me. Four days ago I was dreaming of when he would propose to me, and now he doesn't know who I am.
I make my way up to the roof. Our roof. How many times have we come up here to steal a few minutes alone? The memories dance around my head like music until I fall to my knees and curl up against the wall crying like a baby.
I don't know how long I stay there like that before I'm aware someone is standing over me. "Abby?"
Susan. I sit up and wipe my eyes.
"I thought I would find you up here."
I know Susan has her own Carter-on-the-roof memories. I feel a wave of jealousy crash through me and it takes all my will power to keep it locked down.
"He said he doesn't know who I am."
"It's probably temporary."
"What if it's not?"
"Abby," Susan sits down beside me with her back to the wall and her knees drawn up. "I know it scare you, and you have every right to be scared and upset. But you know he loves you."
"He can't love me if he doesn't know me."
"He just woke up. He's confused. Give it time, Abby."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel like I could get sick. "I don't know if I an handle him saying things like that."
"It's better than nothing at all, isn't it? He's awake. He's going to get better. He's going to remember you. Don't you want to be there with him when it happens?"
"It might not happen, Susan. He might have permanent amnesia."
"Or it could be post-traumatic confusion." She stands and offers her hand to help me up. "I'm going inside. Are you coming?"
I reach for her hand and let her pull me up. "I could really go for a drink right now."
Susan rolls her eyes at me. "I don't think so."
"Cigarette?"
"I'm all out. Sorry."
"Maybe next time."
"Yeah. Maybe. Let's go." She puts her arm over my shoulder and leads me inside.
Matej is asleep in the chair with his feet propped up on Luka's bed. Luka's eyes are open and fixed on his brother. His focus shifts to Susan and me as we come in, but only for a moment. I smile at him, and move to Carter's side of the room.
Gillian has her head on the bed. She looks up and sits back in her chair. "He's been asleep the whole time you were gone."
"Good." I sit down and reach for his hand. Susan puts her hand on my shoulder. I feel tears start to fill my eyes and I blink them back. I don't want to cry. Not here, not now. Not ever. I've had enough of crying. He's awake. I just want to be happy for a little while. Is that so much to ask?
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Okay. Opinions, please. Use the review option. ;) Thanks so much for reading!