The Hurting Time Has Come
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
A/N: First an apology. I've been away from the ER fics for too long...But I want to get back to it, so here I am…Please read and review…It means a lot…
Chapter 12
"Just give him some time," Gillian suggests, as if I was only pondering what flavor ice cream to buy.
I could say 'How much time?' but I don't want to encourage that line of thought at all. So I just stare at her. "I'm not going to leave him. Not even for a minute."
"Not even when he's asked you to?"
"No. He doesn't mean it."
"He thinks he does."
I roll my eyes at her and glance at the door behind me as if I could see him through it. "He doesn't know what he thinks, or what to think right now. He's hurt and he's angry and he's confused and he's going to try to take it out on me because he knows he can hurt me and he wants to make me hurt as much as he's hurting. I can deal with that, okay? What I can not deal with is you telling me what to do. So back off, okay? Just back off."
I didn't mean to snap at her, but I needed to say all that. There's more I could have said, and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say too much. I don't want to make an enemy of her, but I'm not going to call her my new best friend either.
"Maybe you should back off, Abby." Her words carry a venomous sting and the deliberate lilt of a sister trying to protect her brother.
Anything I might have said is cut short by the intrusion of footsteps, a shuffling step I know to be Elizabeth. She must have the results of my blood test. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I hear the door open and shut, and when I dare to open my eyes Elizabeth is there and Gillian is gone. Back at Carter's side, no doubt. To hell with trying to spare her feelings, I want to gauge her eyes out.
Elizabeth says nothing, but hands me the envelope. My hands are shaking so badly I couldn't open it even if I wanted to. I don't want to. I don't want to know.
A baby right now would complicate things so much. Maybe too much. But…but what if right now is my only chance? What if Carter pushes me away so many times that I finally give up? What if having a baby right now is the only way to hold on to him? A part of him growing in me, living in me…
"Abby?" I hear my name, Elizabeth saying my name, but it's so far, she's so far away and I can't breathe and I can't see, everything is going black and…and…why is the floor rushing up to meet me?
*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm sitting in a rocking chair. The child at my breast has had her fill. It's a peaceful feeling, kind of like floating or flying.
I look up, and Carter is standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with our son. He's fussing, rubbing his face and tiny fists against Carter's chest.
Carter moves toward me and we trade babies. I watch him cradle our daughter in his arms, and feel a little jolt of heat and love for him when he kisses her still-bald head before he lays her in the crib.
That's when I see the blood, dripping from his mouth. It splatters on the baby, turning her white gown crimson.
"Carter!" I scream and surge out of the chair, lunging toward him.
Hands on my shoulders hold me back. The babies are gone, Carter is gone. It's Elizabeth, and I'm in a trauma room. I can hear the steady beep of the monitors, I can feel the smooth cradle of the pulsse ox on my finger.
I fall back against the bed, and there is no point trying to fight the tears.
"How do you feel?" Elizabeth asks when I've settled down.
That has to be the most asinine question in the whole world. "Fine."
"I seriously doubt that."
I shrug. "I have a headache."
"I bet."
"How long was I out?"
"Long enough."
Great answer. Thanks for the info. Obviously it was a while, because I'm in a trauma room in the ER.
"What's the verdict?"
"You're going to live."
"And the babies?" I blurt out without even thinking. I never looked at the test results.
"The heartbeat is strong."
"Only one?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"I was dreaming. There were two. A boy and a girl."
Elizabeth nods. I close my eyes. Twins. I'm pregnant with twins…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I've been out of the loop for a while. I hope to push the chapters out with some regularity now…So please, stroke the fire with a review…And thanks so much for reading! Also, for the benefit of anyone who would IM me…I'm usually on CeruleanOctober, I've shut down the AbCaLuDaEr buddy list…
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
A/N: First an apology. I've been away from the ER fics for too long...But I want to get back to it, so here I am…Please read and review…It means a lot…
Chapter 12
"Just give him some time," Gillian suggests, as if I was only pondering what flavor ice cream to buy.
I could say 'How much time?' but I don't want to encourage that line of thought at all. So I just stare at her. "I'm not going to leave him. Not even for a minute."
"Not even when he's asked you to?"
"No. He doesn't mean it."
"He thinks he does."
I roll my eyes at her and glance at the door behind me as if I could see him through it. "He doesn't know what he thinks, or what to think right now. He's hurt and he's angry and he's confused and he's going to try to take it out on me because he knows he can hurt me and he wants to make me hurt as much as he's hurting. I can deal with that, okay? What I can not deal with is you telling me what to do. So back off, okay? Just back off."
I didn't mean to snap at her, but I needed to say all that. There's more I could have said, and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say too much. I don't want to make an enemy of her, but I'm not going to call her my new best friend either.
"Maybe you should back off, Abby." Her words carry a venomous sting and the deliberate lilt of a sister trying to protect her brother.
Anything I might have said is cut short by the intrusion of footsteps, a shuffling step I know to be Elizabeth. She must have the results of my blood test. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
I hear the door open and shut, and when I dare to open my eyes Elizabeth is there and Gillian is gone. Back at Carter's side, no doubt. To hell with trying to spare her feelings, I want to gauge her eyes out.
Elizabeth says nothing, but hands me the envelope. My hands are shaking so badly I couldn't open it even if I wanted to. I don't want to. I don't want to know.
A baby right now would complicate things so much. Maybe too much. But…but what if right now is my only chance? What if Carter pushes me away so many times that I finally give up? What if having a baby right now is the only way to hold on to him? A part of him growing in me, living in me…
"Abby?" I hear my name, Elizabeth saying my name, but it's so far, she's so far away and I can't breathe and I can't see, everything is going black and…and…why is the floor rushing up to meet me?
*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm sitting in a rocking chair. The child at my breast has had her fill. It's a peaceful feeling, kind of like floating or flying.
I look up, and Carter is standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with our son. He's fussing, rubbing his face and tiny fists against Carter's chest.
Carter moves toward me and we trade babies. I watch him cradle our daughter in his arms, and feel a little jolt of heat and love for him when he kisses her still-bald head before he lays her in the crib.
That's when I see the blood, dripping from his mouth. It splatters on the baby, turning her white gown crimson.
"Carter!" I scream and surge out of the chair, lunging toward him.
Hands on my shoulders hold me back. The babies are gone, Carter is gone. It's Elizabeth, and I'm in a trauma room. I can hear the steady beep of the monitors, I can feel the smooth cradle of the pulsse ox on my finger.
I fall back against the bed, and there is no point trying to fight the tears.
"How do you feel?" Elizabeth asks when I've settled down.
That has to be the most asinine question in the whole world. "Fine."
"I seriously doubt that."
I shrug. "I have a headache."
"I bet."
"How long was I out?"
"Long enough."
Great answer. Thanks for the info. Obviously it was a while, because I'm in a trauma room in the ER.
"What's the verdict?"
"You're going to live."
"And the babies?" I blurt out without even thinking. I never looked at the test results.
"The heartbeat is strong."
"Only one?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"I was dreaming. There were two. A boy and a girl."
Elizabeth nods. I close my eyes. Twins. I'm pregnant with twins…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sorry I've been out of the loop for a while. I hope to push the chapters out with some regularity now…So please, stroke the fire with a review…And thanks so much for reading! Also, for the benefit of anyone who would IM me…I'm usually on CeruleanOctober, I've shut down the AbCaLuDaEr buddy list…