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The day was beautiful and the air was clean. This was all Draco could think about. He kept the hood up on his cloak so he wouldn't be recognized as he wandered around Diagon Alley. He wasn't shopping for anything in particular. He was just trying to kill some time before he had to leave for Hogwarts.
Draco really wasn't sure what he was going to tell his old headmaster. However, he knew Dumbledore was a patient man, who also believed in second chances. With his newfound freedom Draco decided he was going to do all he could not to become his father--- whatever it took.
As he was walking, Draco passed the dress shop that Pansy had drug him into last week. Standing there looking at the dress in the window, Draco noticed a familiar reflection in the window. Behind him it was none other than his fiancée and her long time school friend Millicent. Draco half expecting them to be talking about his sudden disappearance considering he had never responded to her letter from the morning. But what he did her turned out to be a little shocking.
"I don't know Millie. I've been seeing Boyd for about six months now. Of course Draco has no idea. I doubt he would even care." She paused in thought. "So really, why should I break up with him?" she giggled. "Besides. Boyd shags me senseless every time we're together. Then I get to go home to Draco to spend his family's money. I'd say it's the best of both worlds!" Millicent just laughed.
Draco was shocked and angry. He didn't know what to think. It was true that he wasn't in love with Pansy but he did care for her. He had thought that there was more to her than just money. It was true they hadn't slept together but that was her doing, not his. Pansy had said that she wanted to wait until they were married. Said that she'd feel guilty if they didn't wait. And Draco always tried to keep her happy so he relented and came to the conclusion that self gratification would have to suffice until the wedding. In all honesty Draco could have any woman he wanted. However, he didn't want to cheat on Pansy like his father had done to his mother. He had heard his mother crying all the nights that his father hadn't come home. Draco hadn't wanted to cause Pansy that same pain.
Draco turned and started to say something to them but thought better of it. He didn't want anyone to know where he was and if he made a scene in the middle of Diagon Alley everything would be ruined. So instead he hung his head a little lower and made his way back inside the Leaky Cauldron. Looking at his watch he saw that it was 8:45. He ran back up to his room, grabbed the tin of lemon drops and with a crack he was gone.
Draco had apparated right in front to the Hogwarts gate with the two stone boars guarding the entrance. He took a deep breath and started walking up the long winding path to the school. Along the way he observed the children playing and chatting around the lake and under the elm trees. He couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of the kids who were enjoying themselves more in one afternoon than he had his entire seven years here. He made his way up to the front doors of the school and stepped inside. It looked exactly as it did when he first stepped into it ten years ago.
Bright shining suits of armor flanked the doors and turned to look at the former student. Draco felt pains of guilt as he remembered some of the things he had done to the other students over the years just so he could fit in with the other Slytherins. He figured the headmaster had not yet returned from breakfast so he took his time and slowly made his way to the entrance of Dumbledore's office. Draco realized he didn't know the password to make the gargoyle jump to life and move aside so he waited. He was looking at a portrait on the wall when he heard someone behind him.
"Good day Mr. Malfoy. I have been expecting you." said the headmaster.
Draco looked at him quizzically. "But how?"
"Patience my dear boy. I will explain everything inside. Unless of course you want to discus things out in the open like this?" Dumbledore replied with a slight smile. Draco looked at him in befuddlement. "I'll take that as a no," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. He turned toward the gargoyle and said the password: Sugar quills. Draco followed the professor up to his office where Dumbledore offered him a seat. "Lemon drop?" Draco politely declined.
"Um, sir. How did you know I was going to be here today?" Draco asked.
Professor Dumbledore smiled slightly at this. 'I didn't young Malfoy," but before he could elaborate Draco interrupted him. "Professor, do you think it would be possible that you could just call me Draco? And you said you'd been expecting me?"
Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Ah, yes. I have been expecting you for quite some time now. However, I did not know the exact day you would show up." "Oh," was all he could reply.
"Draco, I sense that something id troubling you. Am I correct?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well you see sir.....what it is....I....I just..." Draco stammered. "Dear boy take your time. Relax. We are in no hurry."
Draco sighed contemplating what exactly he wanted to tell his old headmaster. He didn't know if he wanted to divulge the fact that his father beat him on a regular basis. Or that his mother did nothing about it in fear of also being on the receiving end of his father's wrath. God, how he hated his father. Not only for the years of torment but also for never being able to experience love. His father never loved him. Draco was just merely his puppet. Someone whom he could control. Sure maybe his mother did love him but did she ever show it? No. She didn't even try to stop it. Most mothers would protect their sons from harm but not his mother. Thinking about it Draco knew there was one thing he truly owed the old professor and that was an apology.
"Professor, I feel like I....no, I know I owe you an apology," he started. "You don't owe...." Dumbledore started to say but Draco cut him off. "Please, sir. You have to let me finish." Dumbledore waved his hand. "By all means."
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the way that I treated my fellow classmates as well as yourself. I realize now what a git I was and how I deserved whatever it was that they threw back at me. I was horrible and if you only knew why I was the way I was maybe you would understand better...." He trailed off not sure if he wanted to continue. As if sensing how difficult it was to carry on Dumbledore asked if he was sure he wanted to continue.
"Yes, this is something I have to do for myself. I can't keep living my life the way I have been. Just try to understand how difficult this is for me to relive all these old painful memories.
Dumbledore nodded. "I understand. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable telling me in another way."
Draco looked puzzled. "How do you mean?"
"Well, if you would like, you could use my pensieve to show me instead of trying to explain it to me.
Draco blanched at the thought of this. "You mean you would keep my childhood memories?" "No, no, no. I would of course erase them right afterwards. It's just merely a suggestion. In the end it's your choice.
Draco was breathing heavily. Truth be told he was scared of what Dumbledore would think of him after he saw every painful memory he had. Plus he wasn't sure he could handle seeing them again. But was he strong enough to say the words aloud? After some thought he made his decision. "Okay. I'll do it. I'd rather you see for yourself rather than to just take my word for it." He looked down at the floor while he said this, not wanting to meet the old man's eyes. However he could feel Dumbledore's eyes watching him. Finally he was brave enough to look up and meet his glaze.
"Are you 100 percent sure?" Dumbledore asked him. He didn't want to feel like he was pressuring the young man. He knew it took courage to come this far. He just wanted Draco to feel like he could trust him. Draco gave this some thought. He knew that by doing this it would change everything. But in the end that's what he ultimately wanted. Finally he gave Dumbledore his answer.
"Yes."
"Okay. All you need to do is put your wand up to your temple. Concentrate hard on the memories and they will transfer to your wand. After that put your wand into the pensieve and it will keep the memories until we are finished viewing it. Understand?" Dumbledore finished.
"Yes, sir. I think so." Draco replied. Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile. "Why don't you set started?"
A/N: Please read and review. It is much appreciated. Thanks.
The day was beautiful and the air was clean. This was all Draco could think about. He kept the hood up on his cloak so he wouldn't be recognized as he wandered around Diagon Alley. He wasn't shopping for anything in particular. He was just trying to kill some time before he had to leave for Hogwarts.
Draco really wasn't sure what he was going to tell his old headmaster. However, he knew Dumbledore was a patient man, who also believed in second chances. With his newfound freedom Draco decided he was going to do all he could not to become his father--- whatever it took.
As he was walking, Draco passed the dress shop that Pansy had drug him into last week. Standing there looking at the dress in the window, Draco noticed a familiar reflection in the window. Behind him it was none other than his fiancée and her long time school friend Millicent. Draco half expecting them to be talking about his sudden disappearance considering he had never responded to her letter from the morning. But what he did her turned out to be a little shocking.
"I don't know Millie. I've been seeing Boyd for about six months now. Of course Draco has no idea. I doubt he would even care." She paused in thought. "So really, why should I break up with him?" she giggled. "Besides. Boyd shags me senseless every time we're together. Then I get to go home to Draco to spend his family's money. I'd say it's the best of both worlds!" Millicent just laughed.
Draco was shocked and angry. He didn't know what to think. It was true that he wasn't in love with Pansy but he did care for her. He had thought that there was more to her than just money. It was true they hadn't slept together but that was her doing, not his. Pansy had said that she wanted to wait until they were married. Said that she'd feel guilty if they didn't wait. And Draco always tried to keep her happy so he relented and came to the conclusion that self gratification would have to suffice until the wedding. In all honesty Draco could have any woman he wanted. However, he didn't want to cheat on Pansy like his father had done to his mother. He had heard his mother crying all the nights that his father hadn't come home. Draco hadn't wanted to cause Pansy that same pain.
Draco turned and started to say something to them but thought better of it. He didn't want anyone to know where he was and if he made a scene in the middle of Diagon Alley everything would be ruined. So instead he hung his head a little lower and made his way back inside the Leaky Cauldron. Looking at his watch he saw that it was 8:45. He ran back up to his room, grabbed the tin of lemon drops and with a crack he was gone.
Draco had apparated right in front to the Hogwarts gate with the two stone boars guarding the entrance. He took a deep breath and started walking up the long winding path to the school. Along the way he observed the children playing and chatting around the lake and under the elm trees. He couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of the kids who were enjoying themselves more in one afternoon than he had his entire seven years here. He made his way up to the front doors of the school and stepped inside. It looked exactly as it did when he first stepped into it ten years ago.
Bright shining suits of armor flanked the doors and turned to look at the former student. Draco felt pains of guilt as he remembered some of the things he had done to the other students over the years just so he could fit in with the other Slytherins. He figured the headmaster had not yet returned from breakfast so he took his time and slowly made his way to the entrance of Dumbledore's office. Draco realized he didn't know the password to make the gargoyle jump to life and move aside so he waited. He was looking at a portrait on the wall when he heard someone behind him.
"Good day Mr. Malfoy. I have been expecting you." said the headmaster.
Draco looked at him quizzically. "But how?"
"Patience my dear boy. I will explain everything inside. Unless of course you want to discus things out in the open like this?" Dumbledore replied with a slight smile. Draco looked at him in befuddlement. "I'll take that as a no," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. He turned toward the gargoyle and said the password: Sugar quills. Draco followed the professor up to his office where Dumbledore offered him a seat. "Lemon drop?" Draco politely declined.
"Um, sir. How did you know I was going to be here today?" Draco asked.
Professor Dumbledore smiled slightly at this. 'I didn't young Malfoy," but before he could elaborate Draco interrupted him. "Professor, do you think it would be possible that you could just call me Draco? And you said you'd been expecting me?"
Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Ah, yes. I have been expecting you for quite some time now. However, I did not know the exact day you would show up." "Oh," was all he could reply.
"Draco, I sense that something id troubling you. Am I correct?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well you see sir.....what it is....I....I just..." Draco stammered. "Dear boy take your time. Relax. We are in no hurry."
Draco sighed contemplating what exactly he wanted to tell his old headmaster. He didn't know if he wanted to divulge the fact that his father beat him on a regular basis. Or that his mother did nothing about it in fear of also being on the receiving end of his father's wrath. God, how he hated his father. Not only for the years of torment but also for never being able to experience love. His father never loved him. Draco was just merely his puppet. Someone whom he could control. Sure maybe his mother did love him but did she ever show it? No. She didn't even try to stop it. Most mothers would protect their sons from harm but not his mother. Thinking about it Draco knew there was one thing he truly owed the old professor and that was an apology.
"Professor, I feel like I....no, I know I owe you an apology," he started. "You don't owe...." Dumbledore started to say but Draco cut him off. "Please, sir. You have to let me finish." Dumbledore waved his hand. "By all means."
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the way that I treated my fellow classmates as well as yourself. I realize now what a git I was and how I deserved whatever it was that they threw back at me. I was horrible and if you only knew why I was the way I was maybe you would understand better...." He trailed off not sure if he wanted to continue. As if sensing how difficult it was to carry on Dumbledore asked if he was sure he wanted to continue.
"Yes, this is something I have to do for myself. I can't keep living my life the way I have been. Just try to understand how difficult this is for me to relive all these old painful memories.
Dumbledore nodded. "I understand. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable telling me in another way."
Draco looked puzzled. "How do you mean?"
"Well, if you would like, you could use my pensieve to show me instead of trying to explain it to me.
Draco blanched at the thought of this. "You mean you would keep my childhood memories?" "No, no, no. I would of course erase them right afterwards. It's just merely a suggestion. In the end it's your choice.
Draco was breathing heavily. Truth be told he was scared of what Dumbledore would think of him after he saw every painful memory he had. Plus he wasn't sure he could handle seeing them again. But was he strong enough to say the words aloud? After some thought he made his decision. "Okay. I'll do it. I'd rather you see for yourself rather than to just take my word for it." He looked down at the floor while he said this, not wanting to meet the old man's eyes. However he could feel Dumbledore's eyes watching him. Finally he was brave enough to look up and meet his glaze.
"Are you 100 percent sure?" Dumbledore asked him. He didn't want to feel like he was pressuring the young man. He knew it took courage to come this far. He just wanted Draco to feel like he could trust him. Draco gave this some thought. He knew that by doing this it would change everything. But in the end that's what he ultimately wanted. Finally he gave Dumbledore his answer.
"Yes."
"Okay. All you need to do is put your wand up to your temple. Concentrate hard on the memories and they will transfer to your wand. After that put your wand into the pensieve and it will keep the memories until we are finished viewing it. Understand?" Dumbledore finished.
"Yes, sir. I think so." Draco replied. Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile. "Why don't you set started?"
A/N: Please read and review. It is much appreciated. Thanks.