Author's Notes: I decided to rewrite this chapter. All I really changed was
the choice of song. Before it was to Johnny Cash's "Hurt". I changed the
song because I wanted to use one of Avril Lavigne's. I just thought it
would make more sense to use one of her's since this fic is basically based
off of her music. Plus, I'm more of a fan of her's then Johnny's. Hopefully
this song fits with this chapter. Tell me what you think of the change.
Thanks.
Chapter Seven: Too Much To Ask:
"I can't believe this." Raph said to himself as he continued to walk the sewers after he had the small fight with Buffy.
The turtle that wore red was now a few miles away from the den. He wanted to be as far away from them as possible so he could think. Raph found one of the spots he visited most often, and he sat down. The place that he sat was in a corner and it was dark. The darkness didn't bother him. In fact, he welcomed it.
Its the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
Its funny when you think its gonna work out
Til you chose weed over me, you're so lame
I thought you were cool until the point
But up until the point you didnt call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out youre all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story
As he sat there in the darkness, he pulled out a old pocket knife that he had found a few years earlier while he was walking along. He never told his brothers or Master Splinter about it. Raph knew if he had told them about the knife that they would have probably taking away, and if they had he wouldn't be able to do what he was about to do with it.
Raph opened the pocket knife and brought it down to his green skin and with the blade he cut it. He winced as he did so. As he brought the knife away from his skin, his blood started to pour from the wound. What the others didn't know about their stubborn brother, when he went on his walks, was the fact that he cut himself. However, it was not a lot. He only did it at times when he was hurt. First Buffy came into his live, then she left, then she came back with someone else. Thinking of this, Raph brought the blade back down to his skin and cut himself again.
Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
Youre too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for
As Raph watched the newest wound bleed, his thoughts continued. 'What was wrong with him?' That's what he kept asking himself. It seemed that everything went wrong with him. He knew that Splinter did not like him as much as the others...
"I love all my sons equally." He heard his Master's voice in his head. Raph had heard that speech so many times. Now that he was older, he somewhat believed that, but something in the back of his mind always kept doubting him.
I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here
Then his thoughts went towards the women he knew in his life. The first one being April. When they first met he knew there was something special about her, considering the fact that after everything she learned from Splinter she stayed. She didn't run away like most of the humans did. That what attracted him to her, but once Casey entered the picture he knew he had no chance. He kept his feelings towards her a secret, and due to that he kicked himself. He wondered if he ever told her, if things would be different. Raph knew he couldn't change the past. So, knowing this he once again cut himself.
But everytime I try to make you smile
You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is it too much that I'm asking for
Next, there was Venus. She had come to the turtles and to Splinter not too long ago after her master had died in China. Splinter of course let her stay. All the turtles were fond of her since she was a female turtle, but they later learned that she might be their long lost sister. That fact changed when they learned that she was just placed in the same bowl. Raph thought he could have a chance with her, but that changed when Leo got dips on her first. The thought of Leo and Venus being together then and now brought another cut to his skin.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Can't find where i am
Lying here
Alone I fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again
The finale woman in his life ended up being Buffy. He had no idea that he would have run into a woman like her, but he did. She was much like April. She didn't run away after Raph helped her one night fighting off some punks in an alley. After a few visits at her apartment and learning a little about her, he found himself liking her. He thought that she felt the same, but that changed when she mentioned there was someone else.
Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here
"Yeah, someone else. Forgot to mention the fact that that someone was a blood sucking vampire!"
Raph didn't get it. She could fall for a vampire that could probably bite her at any minute, and yet she couldn't fall in love with a turtle? Sure he was green and had a shell but he really wasn't a bad one. After all he did help keep the city of New York safe at night. No, that could never be enough.
The mutant turtle often dreamed of becoming human. If he could be human, he wouldn't have to be cooped up in a sewer. He could live up-top, but most of all he could try to win Buffy's heart. He let out a sigh, and once again cut himself. Instead of cutting himself once, he did it twice.
He thought this was enough for one day. The pain was starting to get to him. All though as much pain his body was feeling, it hurt worse on the inside. Knowing the fact that he could never be with anyone. Raph put the knife away and headed back to the den. He knew would have some explaining to do, but he would not tell a soul what happened while he was away.
Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I'm asking for
To Be Continued...
[Song: Too Much To Ask, By: Avril Lavigne]
Chapter Seven: Too Much To Ask:
"I can't believe this." Raph said to himself as he continued to walk the sewers after he had the small fight with Buffy.
The turtle that wore red was now a few miles away from the den. He wanted to be as far away from them as possible so he could think. Raph found one of the spots he visited most often, and he sat down. The place that he sat was in a corner and it was dark. The darkness didn't bother him. In fact, he welcomed it.
Its the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
Its funny when you think its gonna work out
Til you chose weed over me, you're so lame
I thought you were cool until the point
But up until the point you didnt call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out youre all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story
As he sat there in the darkness, he pulled out a old pocket knife that he had found a few years earlier while he was walking along. He never told his brothers or Master Splinter about it. Raph knew if he had told them about the knife that they would have probably taking away, and if they had he wouldn't be able to do what he was about to do with it.
Raph opened the pocket knife and brought it down to his green skin and with the blade he cut it. He winced as he did so. As he brought the knife away from his skin, his blood started to pour from the wound. What the others didn't know about their stubborn brother, when he went on his walks, was the fact that he cut himself. However, it was not a lot. He only did it at times when he was hurt. First Buffy came into his live, then she left, then she came back with someone else. Thinking of this, Raph brought the blade back down to his skin and cut himself again.
Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
Youre too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm asking for
As Raph watched the newest wound bleed, his thoughts continued. 'What was wrong with him?' That's what he kept asking himself. It seemed that everything went wrong with him. He knew that Splinter did not like him as much as the others...
"I love all my sons equally." He heard his Master's voice in his head. Raph had heard that speech so many times. Now that he was older, he somewhat believed that, but something in the back of his mind always kept doubting him.
I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about to look at your face again Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here
Then his thoughts went towards the women he knew in his life. The first one being April. When they first met he knew there was something special about her, considering the fact that after everything she learned from Splinter she stayed. She didn't run away like most of the humans did. That what attracted him to her, but once Casey entered the picture he knew he had no chance. He kept his feelings towards her a secret, and due to that he kicked himself. He wondered if he ever told her, if things would be different. Raph knew he couldn't change the past. So, knowing this he once again cut himself.
But everytime I try to make you smile
You'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is it too much that I'm asking for
Next, there was Venus. She had come to the turtles and to Splinter not too long ago after her master had died in China. Splinter of course let her stay. All the turtles were fond of her since she was a female turtle, but they later learned that she might be their long lost sister. That fact changed when they learned that she was just placed in the same bowl. Raph thought he could have a chance with her, but that changed when Leo got dips on her first. The thought of Leo and Venus being together then and now brought another cut to his skin.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Can't find where i am
Lying here
Alone I fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again
The finale woman in his life ended up being Buffy. He had no idea that he would have run into a woman like her, but he did. She was much like April. She didn't run away after Raph helped her one night fighting off some punks in an alley. After a few visits at her apartment and learning a little about her, he found himself liking her. He thought that she felt the same, but that changed when she mentioned there was someone else.
Can't you see that you lie to yourself
You can't see the world through a mirror
It wont be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here
"Yeah, someone else. Forgot to mention the fact that that someone was a blood sucking vampire!"
Raph didn't get it. She could fall for a vampire that could probably bite her at any minute, and yet she couldn't fall in love with a turtle? Sure he was green and had a shell but he really wasn't a bad one. After all he did help keep the city of New York safe at night. No, that could never be enough.
The mutant turtle often dreamed of becoming human. If he could be human, he wouldn't have to be cooped up in a sewer. He could live up-top, but most of all he could try to win Buffy's heart. He let out a sigh, and once again cut himself. Instead of cutting himself once, he did it twice.
He thought this was enough for one day. The pain was starting to get to him. All though as much pain his body was feeling, it hurt worse on the inside. Knowing the fact that he could never be with anyone. Raph put the knife away and headed back to the den. He knew would have some explaining to do, but he would not tell a soul what happened while he was away.
Everytime I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Everytime I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I'm asking for
To Be Continued...
[Song: Too Much To Ask, By: Avril Lavigne]