Disclaimer: We all know the story. And Grandmamma Xavier is mine.
Chapter 2: Token Negotiations
"Yer grandma? Is that all?" Growled Logan.
"Not just my grandma, my Grandmamma!"
"I can't see the difference Professor." Said Scott in confusion
"Well there is a big difference. Grandmamma has rather er… fixed ideas."
The other two stood by and watched Xavier get out of bed and into his wheelchair.
"So doesn't she like mutants or anything?" asked Scott after a while.
"No not really… she is not particularly fond of being murdered in her bed though."
"Who doesn't like to be murdered in their bed?" Asked a very curious Hank.
He had wondered what the screaming was all about and wanted to join in. There was nothing like a good scream in the morning to get the blood flowing.
Charles gave him a worried look.
"My Grandmamma." He said quietly.
The hair on Hank' back rose and he clapped his hands over his mouth to prevent a squeal from getting out.
He slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth. "…no…" he whispered hoarsely.
Logan looked at his two angst-ridden colleges.
"What yer know about this ol' bat?" He asked of Hank.
Hank gave Logan a startled look as vicious memories from the past assailed him and then fell against Logan's chest, sobbing.
"Please what ever you do, do not say something like that even if you're in the next room. She'll tear you apart!" Hank warned emotionally.
Charles patted the almost hysterical mutant on the back.
"He had a lot of emotional stress last time she visited. I believe he did just what he told you not to do."
Hank tried to pull himself together.
"When is the dear old thing coming?" he asked shakily.
"Tomorrow."
"Oh stars…!" he moaned hoarsely.
"It gets worse." Said Charles gravely.
"How?" Said Hank disbelievingly.
"She wants Cain to be here too."
Hank stared blankly ahead. The other two were almost bowled over by this news.
"But he'd kill you." He gurgled.
Charles looked at his friend and swallowed.
"Not if I kill myself first."
"Come on Professor there must be a mistake or something? Maybe if you told her about Juggernaut or something she'd…" Asked Scott completely misunderstanding the situation.
"No. I don't believe that is possible. Firstly she wouldn't believe that Cain would kill me and secondly she would tell me to grow a backbone and accuse me of making excuses. Because I am an unnatural child and exactly like my useless father. Who is like me, also bald."
"…Wow…" Said Scott.
"So what are we gonna do?" asked Logan.
"What she wants." Sighed Xavier.
"Which means we have to get the mansion spotlessly clean…"
"Like that's going to happen." Muttered Hank under his breath as rocked himself quietly.
"…Then there is cooking the food the way she likes it and providing her with all 'lady-things' that I'd rather not think of right now, that she needs to get through the day…"
Charles made twirly hand motions as he said 'lady-things'.
"…Jean and Ororo might be able to handle that one. Then we…"
"Hold on a minute! When you say we you mean us. Don't you Chuck?!" Logan frowned.
"Yeah! Why are you including us in your plans Charles! What if I had to skip…ah, er suddenly had to visit… friends who…who live out of town, for a while!" Piped up Hank defensively.
Charles gave Hank the same look that a rabbit gets when it realises that the bright lights belong to an 18-wheeler truck.
"Don't leave me! I have Twinkies!" he blurted out.
Hank narrowed his eyes.
"That is pretty low, bribing a man with Twinkies just so you aren't left alone with you Grandmamma."
Hank sniffed.
"Just how many Twinkies are we talking about anyway?" He said nonchalantly studying his fingernails.
"That I guess depends on whether I survive the next week." Replied Charles with a sly grin.
"All I can eat?"
Charles nodded.
"But," The Professor said raising a finger, "Only on the proviso that you and these two go an find Cain."
"What!" said Logan and Scott together sharply.
"Well, that was what Grandmamma wants. So that's what Grandmamma gets."
"I didn't agree with that!" Snapped Logan.
"Oh and I was thinking of buying a Humvee…"
"But it can't hurt to discus a deal of some sort…" Said Logan quickly.
"…Or maybe a Lamborghini. I just can't decide…"
"Wheeee!" went Scott as he clapped his hands together in excitement.
Charles looked at them out of the corner of his eye and almost smiled. The idea of Grandmamma Xavier coming to stay for a week, or even more, unfortunately made smiling hard. So he continued in a more sober fashion.
"…We also have to have everyone on their best behaviour…"
The three other mutants in the room looked at each other. Then they started to laugh.
"That might be hard Chuck, what wit' th' Cajun around here now." Giggled Logan as he wiped tears from his eyes.
Charles sat for a moment.
"You're right. And then there's Bobby and Tabitha too…" Charles sat in thought for a moment. "…Do you think that they could be, bought perhaps?"
At that very moment two more heads popped around the door.
Their eyes filled with curiosity and greed.
"What happened with the sideburns Mr Logan?" Asked Bobby with a butter wouldn't melt expression on his face.
"And who wants to buy who?" Asked an intrigued Tabby.
"That depends if you want to be bought."
Tabby and Bobby exchanged looks and then fell into deep contemplation.
"So what's the exchange of goods for?" She asked.
"Keepin' outta trouble." Rumbled Logan in a very clear way.
Tabby looked at him, and giggled to herself.
"Well I'd like to accept Prof. But we're going to have to consult with our leader on that one."
"Leader?" Said Scott.
Tabby leant back out the door.
"Hey, Shifty the Prof wants to negotiate a deal with ya!" She yelled.
Shifty approached and gave everyone a questioning look.
"Oui?" he said.
"Well, Remy. I need your help…"
And negotiations began.
As this was going on people wandered past Charles' bedchamber, caught snippets of information and ran with it… to tell someone else. And so the word spread throughout the mansion. The Professor's Granny was coming to stay. So was Juggernaut. And if there was the slightest suggestion that they were not absolute angels then Remy himself would hunt them down and kill them. Yes, a plentiful supply of playing card, tequila and chocolate meant that much to him.
That and Tabby and Bobby where big fat tell tales and had a habit of just, popping up somewhere.
But there was one last thing. Perhaps the most important of them all.
No Danger Room Training Sessions. For a week.
--------------------------------------------
Well thanks all the people who read the last chapter. Your ideas are noted and I get the feeling that I'll be using them soon. Anyway please review! And thanks if you do!
Chapter 2: Token Negotiations
"Yer grandma? Is that all?" Growled Logan.
"Not just my grandma, my Grandmamma!"
"I can't see the difference Professor." Said Scott in confusion
"Well there is a big difference. Grandmamma has rather er… fixed ideas."
The other two stood by and watched Xavier get out of bed and into his wheelchair.
"So doesn't she like mutants or anything?" asked Scott after a while.
"No not really… she is not particularly fond of being murdered in her bed though."
"Who doesn't like to be murdered in their bed?" Asked a very curious Hank.
He had wondered what the screaming was all about and wanted to join in. There was nothing like a good scream in the morning to get the blood flowing.
Charles gave him a worried look.
"My Grandmamma." He said quietly.
The hair on Hank' back rose and he clapped his hands over his mouth to prevent a squeal from getting out.
He slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth. "…no…" he whispered hoarsely.
Logan looked at his two angst-ridden colleges.
"What yer know about this ol' bat?" He asked of Hank.
Hank gave Logan a startled look as vicious memories from the past assailed him and then fell against Logan's chest, sobbing.
"Please what ever you do, do not say something like that even if you're in the next room. She'll tear you apart!" Hank warned emotionally.
Charles patted the almost hysterical mutant on the back.
"He had a lot of emotional stress last time she visited. I believe he did just what he told you not to do."
Hank tried to pull himself together.
"When is the dear old thing coming?" he asked shakily.
"Tomorrow."
"Oh stars…!" he moaned hoarsely.
"It gets worse." Said Charles gravely.
"How?" Said Hank disbelievingly.
"She wants Cain to be here too."
Hank stared blankly ahead. The other two were almost bowled over by this news.
"But he'd kill you." He gurgled.
Charles looked at his friend and swallowed.
"Not if I kill myself first."
"Come on Professor there must be a mistake or something? Maybe if you told her about Juggernaut or something she'd…" Asked Scott completely misunderstanding the situation.
"No. I don't believe that is possible. Firstly she wouldn't believe that Cain would kill me and secondly she would tell me to grow a backbone and accuse me of making excuses. Because I am an unnatural child and exactly like my useless father. Who is like me, also bald."
"…Wow…" Said Scott.
"So what are we gonna do?" asked Logan.
"What she wants." Sighed Xavier.
"Which means we have to get the mansion spotlessly clean…"
"Like that's going to happen." Muttered Hank under his breath as rocked himself quietly.
"…Then there is cooking the food the way she likes it and providing her with all 'lady-things' that I'd rather not think of right now, that she needs to get through the day…"
Charles made twirly hand motions as he said 'lady-things'.
"…Jean and Ororo might be able to handle that one. Then we…"
"Hold on a minute! When you say we you mean us. Don't you Chuck?!" Logan frowned.
"Yeah! Why are you including us in your plans Charles! What if I had to skip…ah, er suddenly had to visit… friends who…who live out of town, for a while!" Piped up Hank defensively.
Charles gave Hank the same look that a rabbit gets when it realises that the bright lights belong to an 18-wheeler truck.
"Don't leave me! I have Twinkies!" he blurted out.
Hank narrowed his eyes.
"That is pretty low, bribing a man with Twinkies just so you aren't left alone with you Grandmamma."
Hank sniffed.
"Just how many Twinkies are we talking about anyway?" He said nonchalantly studying his fingernails.
"That I guess depends on whether I survive the next week." Replied Charles with a sly grin.
"All I can eat?"
Charles nodded.
"But," The Professor said raising a finger, "Only on the proviso that you and these two go an find Cain."
"What!" said Logan and Scott together sharply.
"Well, that was what Grandmamma wants. So that's what Grandmamma gets."
"I didn't agree with that!" Snapped Logan.
"Oh and I was thinking of buying a Humvee…"
"But it can't hurt to discus a deal of some sort…" Said Logan quickly.
"…Or maybe a Lamborghini. I just can't decide…"
"Wheeee!" went Scott as he clapped his hands together in excitement.
Charles looked at them out of the corner of his eye and almost smiled. The idea of Grandmamma Xavier coming to stay for a week, or even more, unfortunately made smiling hard. So he continued in a more sober fashion.
"…We also have to have everyone on their best behaviour…"
The three other mutants in the room looked at each other. Then they started to laugh.
"That might be hard Chuck, what wit' th' Cajun around here now." Giggled Logan as he wiped tears from his eyes.
Charles sat for a moment.
"You're right. And then there's Bobby and Tabitha too…" Charles sat in thought for a moment. "…Do you think that they could be, bought perhaps?"
At that very moment two more heads popped around the door.
Their eyes filled with curiosity and greed.
"What happened with the sideburns Mr Logan?" Asked Bobby with a butter wouldn't melt expression on his face.
"And who wants to buy who?" Asked an intrigued Tabby.
"That depends if you want to be bought."
Tabby and Bobby exchanged looks and then fell into deep contemplation.
"So what's the exchange of goods for?" She asked.
"Keepin' outta trouble." Rumbled Logan in a very clear way.
Tabby looked at him, and giggled to herself.
"Well I'd like to accept Prof. But we're going to have to consult with our leader on that one."
"Leader?" Said Scott.
Tabby leant back out the door.
"Hey, Shifty the Prof wants to negotiate a deal with ya!" She yelled.
Shifty approached and gave everyone a questioning look.
"Oui?" he said.
"Well, Remy. I need your help…"
And negotiations began.
As this was going on people wandered past Charles' bedchamber, caught snippets of information and ran with it… to tell someone else. And so the word spread throughout the mansion. The Professor's Granny was coming to stay. So was Juggernaut. And if there was the slightest suggestion that they were not absolute angels then Remy himself would hunt them down and kill them. Yes, a plentiful supply of playing card, tequila and chocolate meant that much to him.
That and Tabby and Bobby where big fat tell tales and had a habit of just, popping up somewhere.
But there was one last thing. Perhaps the most important of them all.
No Danger Room Training Sessions. For a week.
--------------------------------------------
Well thanks all the people who read the last chapter. Your ideas are noted and I get the feeling that I'll be using them soon. Anyway please review! And thanks if you do!