Culnac's Logs
Tameth-
I can't believe you left the beautiful Captain at the mercies of the Goa'uld Hathor! What the hell is wrong with you?
Jack-
Oh shut up. You don't know her, none of us, except Tom and sorta Culnac. Let him finish the damn story.
Tom-
Thank you. Anyway, this is what happened, some fellow Trill crewmember told me what happened on the Bridge while I was gone.
"Captain, the shuttle Cochrane has left." Harry called looking at his sensors.
"Who's onboard?" Janeway asked.
"One lifesign, it's Tom." Harry looked shocked. Chakotay stared at the Captain.
"Why would he leave now?" Chakotay asked. Then Hathor appeared on the screen. "Who's on that ship?"
"What business is that of yours?" Janeway asked.
"Fine, Captain, I'll figure it out myself." Hathor smiled and pushed a few buttons. "Ah. Mr. Paris, I'm glad he finally found out that it was pointless wasting his time in the federation. I bet he's happy that we're here."
"What do you mean? He didn't even know about the Goa'uld until today." Janeway was starting to get why Tom looked so worried when she asked him all those questions about Hathor and why she was trying to seduce him. "He's a Goa'uld, isn't he?"
Hathor looked at her for a second. She knew Tom was a Tok'ra, but they didn't, she could use that to her advantage. "Yes, he's a Goa'uld. He's one of my spies. He's been one for over one hundred years. He's been collecting information about your quadrant over the years. Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have to attack you."
And, of course she attacked them.
Tameth-
She called me a spy! Me, a spy for her? I'm gonna kill her.
Tom-
No, she called me a spy. Only she thinks that I've had Culnac for over a hundred years! Me, over one hundred years old!!! I just got to thirty! I'm gonna kill her.
Jack-
I still need to kill her. I killed her once, but she didn't die.
Culnac-
I have all of you guy's hatred for her, but no vendetta, but I still might as well kill her.
Tom-
Anyway, I was in the shuttle while Hathor was talking to Captain Janeway.
"Mr. Paris," Janeway hailed. I saw her face on the screen and believe me, Tameth, not even you would like it. "Mr. Paris, turn your shuttle around now!"
"Captain, I'm just taking it out for a wash, so don't wait up." I smiled and pushed the button that cut the transmission. See how smart I am?
Tameth-
I could never hate Kathryn's face it's just too good looking.
Jack-
Oh please. Give up already, you're never going to get in a relationship with her, unless Tom does.
Tom-
Thanks, now I have images in my head.
Culnac-
I don't even try to think about it.
Jack-
You could always try being like Tameth, don't think at all.
Tameth-
It's not that hard. You might die, but Jack and I are already dead, so it can't kill us. Not thinking is great; it's like, like, not thinking.
Culnac-
Let's just get back to the story.
Tameth-
I can't believe you left the beautiful Captain at the mercies of the Goa'uld Hathor! What the hell is wrong with you?
Jack-
Oh shut up. You don't know her, none of us, except Tom and sorta Culnac. Let him finish the damn story.
Tom-
Thank you. Anyway, this is what happened, some fellow Trill crewmember told me what happened on the Bridge while I was gone.
"Captain, the shuttle Cochrane has left." Harry called looking at his sensors.
"Who's onboard?" Janeway asked.
"One lifesign, it's Tom." Harry looked shocked. Chakotay stared at the Captain.
"Why would he leave now?" Chakotay asked. Then Hathor appeared on the screen. "Who's on that ship?"
"What business is that of yours?" Janeway asked.
"Fine, Captain, I'll figure it out myself." Hathor smiled and pushed a few buttons. "Ah. Mr. Paris, I'm glad he finally found out that it was pointless wasting his time in the federation. I bet he's happy that we're here."
"What do you mean? He didn't even know about the Goa'uld until today." Janeway was starting to get why Tom looked so worried when she asked him all those questions about Hathor and why she was trying to seduce him. "He's a Goa'uld, isn't he?"
Hathor looked at her for a second. She knew Tom was a Tok'ra, but they didn't, she could use that to her advantage. "Yes, he's a Goa'uld. He's one of my spies. He's been one for over one hundred years. He's been collecting information about your quadrant over the years. Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have to attack you."
And, of course she attacked them.
Tameth-
She called me a spy! Me, a spy for her? I'm gonna kill her.
Tom-
No, she called me a spy. Only she thinks that I've had Culnac for over a hundred years! Me, over one hundred years old!!! I just got to thirty! I'm gonna kill her.
Jack-
I still need to kill her. I killed her once, but she didn't die.
Culnac-
I have all of you guy's hatred for her, but no vendetta, but I still might as well kill her.
Tom-
Anyway, I was in the shuttle while Hathor was talking to Captain Janeway.
"Mr. Paris," Janeway hailed. I saw her face on the screen and believe me, Tameth, not even you would like it. "Mr. Paris, turn your shuttle around now!"
"Captain, I'm just taking it out for a wash, so don't wait up." I smiled and pushed the button that cut the transmission. See how smart I am?
Tameth-
I could never hate Kathryn's face it's just too good looking.
Jack-
Oh please. Give up already, you're never going to get in a relationship with her, unless Tom does.
Tom-
Thanks, now I have images in my head.
Culnac-
I don't even try to think about it.
Jack-
You could always try being like Tameth, don't think at all.
Tameth-
It's not that hard. You might die, but Jack and I are already dead, so it can't kill us. Not thinking is great; it's like, like, not thinking.
Culnac-
Let's just get back to the story.