Chapter Four
And I've got these dreams we shared
And I have the fear
That these dreams are all I'll have that's left of me
"Can we move him?" Buffy asked as she walked tiredly up the stairs with Wes.
"We were afraid to put him in a room with furniture or bed clothes. We were afraid he'd hurt himself." Wes said.
"And if I stay with him and watch him, can we move him?" Buffy asked again.
"Alright, if we can move him without upsetting him. I'll warn you, he hasn't been out of that room for months. I'm not sure how he'll react." Wes said.
Buffy nodded. "I want him to have a real bed and blankets. Is his room still set up, with his things?"
"We didn't touch anything. It's the room next to the one he's in right now." Wes said.
"Good, we won't have far to move him." Buffy said.
Wes unlocked and opened the door. Buffy stepped inside. Angel was back in the corner of the room. His face was buried in her shirt. Buffy smiled a little.
"Angel, I'm back." She said walking slowly toward him.
He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to open them and find it was a dream or a vision.
"Angel, we're gonna move to a better room and I'm gonna stay there with you, okay." Buffy crouched down next to Angel. She gently encircled his wrist with her hand and tugged him to his feet. He kept his eyes closed, still afraid to open them in case she disappeared. She walked slowly, leading him beside her. They followed Wes into the room that used to be Angel's. Everything was covered with dust clothes but his things were still there, his sketches on the wall, his sculptures sitting on shelves. It was definitely Angel's room. Buffy led Angel to the bed and pulled back one corner of the cloth. She helped him sit down. He finally opened his eyes
"Not here, not real." He whispered.
"I am real, Angel. I'm right here." She kept holding his hand in hers.
Wes pulled all the dust clothes off.
"Open the windows so it can air out in here." Buffy said.
"I don't know if that's a good idea. If he has a vision or a nightmare, he could run." Wes said.
"He won't leave me. He's so afraid right now that if he blinks I'll disappear. He's not going to walk out of a room I'm in." Buffy said.
Wes considered that and decided it was likely true. He opened the windows in the room a few inches. "Do you need anything else?" Wes asked.
Buffy shook her head. "I think we're okay."
"Should you need anything yell. Gunn and I are both light sleepers. We each have a tranq gun and will not hesitate to use it should he up and around without you." Wes said.
"You won't need it." Buffy said.
Wes nodded and left the room.
Buffy sat next to Angel and rubbed slow circles on his back. He had yet to reach out to touch her, but he didn't shy away from her touches. She was at a loss. She searched her brain for something useful in this situation. There really was nothing. It wasn't like they made handbooks, How to help the insane person in your life. Then again maybe they did and it was sitting somewhere with her Slayer Handbook.
"Angel, I know you're in there somewhere and if you can remember me I know you can remember other things. They're just buried. Come on, lie down. You need to rest." Buffy said.
She coaxed him onto his side, lying on the bed. He kept his knees drawn up to his chest. He was very careful to never touch her. Buffy cradled his head in her lap. She leaned back against the pillows and ran her fingers through his hair.
"I remember the first time I met you, Angel. I fell in love right then and there. I so didn't want to admit it though. You absolutely took my breath away. There's this thing you do somehow and you make the lights dim everywhere else just by being in the room. You still do that, you know. "
She talked to him through out the night, mostly about their lives together in Sunnydale. At some point she got up and closed the drapes. She didn't want to wake up in a bed with ashes. She snuggled back into the pillows. Angel, half asleep, snuggled back against her. It was the closest he'd come to touching her since she first saw him.
"I'm going to get you back, Angel, no matter what it takes." She whispered into the darkness.
But I've got this faith to blind me
Buffy woke up before Angel. He was laying curled up on the bed whimpering. He flinched in his sleep and murmured things she couldn't quite catch. He still held her shirt, clutched desperately to his chest. He reminded her of the way he had been when he'd first come back from hell. She smoothed a hand across his temple. Wes knocked softly on the door.
"Come in." Buffy said quietly, not wanting to wake Angel just yet.
Wes walked in holding a container of blood. "You got him to sleep." Wes said. There is a sense of wonderment about his voice.
"He fell asleep not long after we got him in here last night. He's been asleep ever since. I think he's hungry though. He keeps flashing vamp face in his sleep." Buffy said with a smile.
"Be careful." Wes said.
"Its okay, Wes. I will." Buffy smiled at him.
Wes set the blood on the nightstand. "If you need anything let me know. I'll let you know before Gunn or I take off anywhere."
"Thanks."
Wes walked out the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind him. Buffy leaned over Angel and picked up the container of blood. Angel opened his eyes, rousing at the scent of blood, or maybe the scent of Buffy. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He looked warily at Buffy. He glanced down at her shirt, clutched in his hand.
"Come on, I know you're hungry, Baby." Buffy held the blood close to his mouth. He leaned forward and took a cautious sip, his eyes never leaving her. She smiled at him. He took a long drink of the blood. When he'd finished she set the empty container on the nightstand.
"Not here," Angel said.
"I am, Angel. I'm right here. You can reach out and touch me." Buffy said. She laid her hand on his cheek, gliding her thumb over his beautiful mouth. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Tears rushed to her eyes.
"Not here, can't be here, Buffy fell, didn't catch her. She's gone." Angel said. His voice is quiet but filled with pain and sorrow.
"I did. I fell, but Willow brought me back. I'm here, Angel. This isn't a dream or a vision or your mind playing tricks on you. You're holding my shirt. I'm touching you. I'm here." Buffy said.
Angel took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her. "Smells like Buffy." He turned his face into the palm of her hand and took another deep breath. "Smells like Buffy and blood."
"I was holding your blood while you ate, remember?" She said.
He dipped his head and put his nose on the pulse point of her wrist. "Smells like Buffy's blood. Didn't hurt her?" He looks up at her with wild eyes.
Buffy shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "No, you didn't hurt me. I'm not a memory of someone you hurt, Angel. I'm real."
"Buffy crying though must be hurt." Angel said.
She shook her head again. "No, I'm not crying because of you. You didn't hurt me, Angel."
He looks at her confused. He continued to take deep breaths of her, sniffing her. "Sure?"
"I'm sure." She said.
"Somebody else hurt?" He asked.
She shook her head. "No, no one hurt me."
"Touch?" He asked.
She nodded. "Yes, you can touch me."
Angel reached out very tentatively and ran his fingers, feather soft, over her cheek.
"Here," He said. "Real. Buffy's real."
And I've got these dreams we shared
And I have the fear
That these dreams are all I'll have that's left of me
"Can we move him?" Buffy asked as she walked tiredly up the stairs with Wes.
"We were afraid to put him in a room with furniture or bed clothes. We were afraid he'd hurt himself." Wes said.
"And if I stay with him and watch him, can we move him?" Buffy asked again.
"Alright, if we can move him without upsetting him. I'll warn you, he hasn't been out of that room for months. I'm not sure how he'll react." Wes said.
Buffy nodded. "I want him to have a real bed and blankets. Is his room still set up, with his things?"
"We didn't touch anything. It's the room next to the one he's in right now." Wes said.
"Good, we won't have far to move him." Buffy said.
Wes unlocked and opened the door. Buffy stepped inside. Angel was back in the corner of the room. His face was buried in her shirt. Buffy smiled a little.
"Angel, I'm back." She said walking slowly toward him.
He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to open them and find it was a dream or a vision.
"Angel, we're gonna move to a better room and I'm gonna stay there with you, okay." Buffy crouched down next to Angel. She gently encircled his wrist with her hand and tugged him to his feet. He kept his eyes closed, still afraid to open them in case she disappeared. She walked slowly, leading him beside her. They followed Wes into the room that used to be Angel's. Everything was covered with dust clothes but his things were still there, his sketches on the wall, his sculptures sitting on shelves. It was definitely Angel's room. Buffy led Angel to the bed and pulled back one corner of the cloth. She helped him sit down. He finally opened his eyes
"Not here, not real." He whispered.
"I am real, Angel. I'm right here." She kept holding his hand in hers.
Wes pulled all the dust clothes off.
"Open the windows so it can air out in here." Buffy said.
"I don't know if that's a good idea. If he has a vision or a nightmare, he could run." Wes said.
"He won't leave me. He's so afraid right now that if he blinks I'll disappear. He's not going to walk out of a room I'm in." Buffy said.
Wes considered that and decided it was likely true. He opened the windows in the room a few inches. "Do you need anything else?" Wes asked.
Buffy shook her head. "I think we're okay."
"Should you need anything yell. Gunn and I are both light sleepers. We each have a tranq gun and will not hesitate to use it should he up and around without you." Wes said.
"You won't need it." Buffy said.
Wes nodded and left the room.
Buffy sat next to Angel and rubbed slow circles on his back. He had yet to reach out to touch her, but he didn't shy away from her touches. She was at a loss. She searched her brain for something useful in this situation. There really was nothing. It wasn't like they made handbooks, How to help the insane person in your life. Then again maybe they did and it was sitting somewhere with her Slayer Handbook.
"Angel, I know you're in there somewhere and if you can remember me I know you can remember other things. They're just buried. Come on, lie down. You need to rest." Buffy said.
She coaxed him onto his side, lying on the bed. He kept his knees drawn up to his chest. He was very careful to never touch her. Buffy cradled his head in her lap. She leaned back against the pillows and ran her fingers through his hair.
"I remember the first time I met you, Angel. I fell in love right then and there. I so didn't want to admit it though. You absolutely took my breath away. There's this thing you do somehow and you make the lights dim everywhere else just by being in the room. You still do that, you know. "
She talked to him through out the night, mostly about their lives together in Sunnydale. At some point she got up and closed the drapes. She didn't want to wake up in a bed with ashes. She snuggled back into the pillows. Angel, half asleep, snuggled back against her. It was the closest he'd come to touching her since she first saw him.
"I'm going to get you back, Angel, no matter what it takes." She whispered into the darkness.
But I've got this faith to blind me
Buffy woke up before Angel. He was laying curled up on the bed whimpering. He flinched in his sleep and murmured things she couldn't quite catch. He still held her shirt, clutched desperately to his chest. He reminded her of the way he had been when he'd first come back from hell. She smoothed a hand across his temple. Wes knocked softly on the door.
"Come in." Buffy said quietly, not wanting to wake Angel just yet.
Wes walked in holding a container of blood. "You got him to sleep." Wes said. There is a sense of wonderment about his voice.
"He fell asleep not long after we got him in here last night. He's been asleep ever since. I think he's hungry though. He keeps flashing vamp face in his sleep." Buffy said with a smile.
"Be careful." Wes said.
"Its okay, Wes. I will." Buffy smiled at him.
Wes set the blood on the nightstand. "If you need anything let me know. I'll let you know before Gunn or I take off anywhere."
"Thanks."
Wes walked out the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind him. Buffy leaned over Angel and picked up the container of blood. Angel opened his eyes, rousing at the scent of blood, or maybe the scent of Buffy. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He looked warily at Buffy. He glanced down at her shirt, clutched in his hand.
"Come on, I know you're hungry, Baby." Buffy held the blood close to his mouth. He leaned forward and took a cautious sip, his eyes never leaving her. She smiled at him. He took a long drink of the blood. When he'd finished she set the empty container on the nightstand.
"Not here," Angel said.
"I am, Angel. I'm right here. You can reach out and touch me." Buffy said. She laid her hand on his cheek, gliding her thumb over his beautiful mouth. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Tears rushed to her eyes.
"Not here, can't be here, Buffy fell, didn't catch her. She's gone." Angel said. His voice is quiet but filled with pain and sorrow.
"I did. I fell, but Willow brought me back. I'm here, Angel. This isn't a dream or a vision or your mind playing tricks on you. You're holding my shirt. I'm touching you. I'm here." Buffy said.
Angel took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her. "Smells like Buffy." He turned his face into the palm of her hand and took another deep breath. "Smells like Buffy and blood."
"I was holding your blood while you ate, remember?" She said.
He dipped his head and put his nose on the pulse point of her wrist. "Smells like Buffy's blood. Didn't hurt her?" He looks up at her with wild eyes.
Buffy shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "No, you didn't hurt me. I'm not a memory of someone you hurt, Angel. I'm real."
"Buffy crying though must be hurt." Angel said.
She shook her head again. "No, I'm not crying because of you. You didn't hurt me, Angel."
He looks at her confused. He continued to take deep breaths of her, sniffing her. "Sure?"
"I'm sure." She said.
"Somebody else hurt?" He asked.
She shook her head. "No, no one hurt me."
"Touch?" He asked.
She nodded. "Yes, you can touch me."
Angel reached out very tentatively and ran his fingers, feather soft, over her cheek.
"Here," He said. "Real. Buffy's real."