Chapter 7
A/N Sorry this was so long in coming. Thanks to those of you who had patience with me and encouraged me!
It took a long time to convince Angel to bite Buffy again. In the end she hauled off and punched him until the demon came to the surface. Once it did Buffy grabbed him by the back of his neck and shoved his mouth into her neck. He couldn't resist he sunk his fangs into her neck. He was careful. It was clear when he pulled away after just a few long pulls that Angel was the one in control not the demon. He licked at the wound until it had stopped bleeding. The change in lucidity was remarkable and almost instantaneous.
"Okay? Take too much?" Angel asked.
She smiled at him. "I'm fine, look at me exhibiting all my fineness."
"Drink some juice at least and eat something." He said.
She chuckled at his concern. "Okay but really I'm fine. Hardly even dizzy feeling. You didn't take too much, don't worry."
But he did worry. There was an odd satisfaction to seeing his mark, raw, fresh and open on her neck again. That worried him and he felt guilty about it.
"Angel, please, don't clutter this up with worry and pain. Just let it be." She said.
She insisted she didn't need her neck bandaged. It had stopped bleeding and it would begin healing in a few hours. She didn't mention that he would also be opening it again by nightfall. She was going to have to buy a lot more scarves. It wasn't that the wound bothered her, in fact she took perverse pleasure in having his mark, fresh and angry, adorn her neck, but the general public would look at her with horror and pity.
Buffy took Angel by the hand and led him to the big wingback chair in his room. He sat down. She crawled up in his lap and curled into him. She rested her head against his shoulder and took a deep breathe. She let it out with an unmistakable sound of contentment.
"I've missed this." She said.
He smiled and wrapped his arms tighter around her. "Me too."
Her lips found his of their own accord. She closed her eyes and soaked in the way he felt on her mouth. His lips were cool, the perfect compliment to her own skin which always felt so hot in comparison. He tugged on her bottom lip. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt of their own accord. She sighed in contentment and pleasure as she spread her hands over his bare chest. His hands worked their way under her shirt, sliding up her back, pulling her closer. She reveled in the feel of his hands on her bare skin. In an instant his hands were gone. His breath was coming fast and ragged. She pushed herself off his lap with an audible gulp. There was still the pesky problem of Angel's soul. It was a brick wall they kept running into and it hurt more every time they hit it.
"Sorry, it's been to long. I got carried away." Buffy said.
Angel nodded. "Me too, couldn't help it."
Buffy chuckled. "It seems to be a never changing issue in our relationship, not that that's a bad thing. I mean I 'd worry if we didn't want each other but..." she trailed off.
"Relationship?" Angel croaked.
"Well, no I mean of course not, you've probably got things here and back in Sunnydale-"Buffy started.
"You probably have a boyfriend." Angel said.
Buffy laughed again. "No, no boyfriend. I've learned Buffy and boys plus relationships equal a very unmixy thing."
"So you don't want a relationship?" Angel asked.
Buffy looked at him. She blinked, obviously confused. "Define with who?"
"Well, I thought we were talking about a relationship with me and you. Or, maybe not. It's-things are still muddled up here." He tapped his temple.
"No, we were. I mean I think maybe we were. Are we talking friendship relationship or love relationship or deep everlasting soul mate relationship?" Buffy looked at Angel, her eyes meeting his. "Never mind, ignore the question. We only do one kind of relationship. It's deep everlasting soul mates with us or nothing."
Angel smiled at her. "Doesn't answer my question."
"Sorry, it's taking a little while to process. Angel, all I've ever seen in my future is you. All I've ever wanted is you. I told you once I couldn't change, I was never going to change. That's still true. I haven't changed. I've tried but I can't. Maybe you and I don't work perfectly, maybe it's not all flowers and fluffy puppies, but me without you doesn't work at all." Buffy said.
"So, how do we do this?" Angel said.
"Do what?"
"Me, you and the insanity problems I'm having." Angel said.
"Well, I think we've figured out the insanity problem. It's not perfect but until I can think of something else, it's a temporary fix." Buffy said.
Angel shook his head. "I can't just keep taking blood from you, Buffy."
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because it'll weaken you over time, it'll make my cravings for human blood worse. It makes the demon harder to control. Besides, I haven't had a vision. That's when I really lose my mind. It might not hold up after a vision." Angel said.
"No big deal. I'll make more." Buffy said.
"No, I don't like this." Angel said.
"And I don't like letting you live in the condition you were living in. I can't live with myself knowing there is something I can do to help." Buffy protested.
Angel sighed. This was not an argument either one of them were going to win. "How long will this last, the lucidity?"
Buffy shrugged. "Six hours last time. I hope it'll build on itself and you'll have longer and longer periods of time. Maybe eventually it will be permanent."
"And if it's not?" Angel asked.
"Then we deal. I'm not worried about it. When all this started, Wes told me you lost. I told him I'd find you and I will. No matter what I will always find you because if you're lost then all the parts of me that you hold are lost." Buffy said.
Angel pulled her back into his arms. He clung to her, as if she could keep him from slipping back into the oblivion of his mind. He was holding on to her when he fell to his knees, dragging her with him. He clasped his hands to his head and started screaming.
"Wes!" Buffy screamed. She knelt down next to Angel, trying to cradle him, trying to ease some of his pain.
"1213 Lincoln, hurry, hurry. Girl- he's going to get her. Have to stop them-help the girl. She's dying-1213 Lincoln-1213." Angel muttered once he had stopped screaming.
Wes burst through the door.
"Vision, 1213 Lincoln he says. There's a girl and I don't know what else." Buffy said.
Wes knelt down next to Buffy and Angel. "Angel, can you hear me? What's trying to hurt the girl?"
"Vampires-Elizabeth-help her-dying-help her-1213 Lincoln." Angel muttered.
Buffy glanced at Wes. "Stay here with him. Gunn and I will take care of this."
"I don't like letting you two go out alone." Wes said.
"And I don't like him being left alone. I'm the slayer, Wes. Gunn and I have this." Buffy said.
"Alright then. Call if you need anything." Wes said reluctantly.
Buffy stood up and cast a look at Angel lying in a fetal position on the floor. "Just-don't tranq him unless he tries to hurt you."
Wes nodded. Buffy ran down the stairs. She grabbed a handful of stakes from the weapons cabinet. "Come on, Gunn, vision time. You know where 1213 Lincoln is?"
Gunn nodded. "Yeah that's my old neighborhood."
"We need to get there fast, help someone named Elizabeth." Buffy said.
1213 Lincoln turned out to be an old grocery store. It was abandoned. The windows were boarded over. "Looks like a vamp nest to me." Gunn said.
Buffy nodded. She glanced around her. The street was pretty deserted. "So, if they have a girl in there, it's highly likely they are up and about. I'm not feeling real sneaky or time consume-y. You have a problem with breaking and entering?"
Gunn looked at her puzzled. "Into a vamp nest, hell no, but sneaky generally goes with breaking and entering, doesn't it?"
"Not the way I do it." Buffy said walking up to the boarded over windows. She assessed the windows once more. The boards were cheap particle board. It only took one well place sidekick to splinter the window covering. Sunlight poured in and sent vampires on fire scurrying for the shadows. Buffy shattered the other boarded up window and walked in, stake in hand.
"Rise and shine." She said looking around. There were six vamps. One girl hung from chains in the center of the room. Buffy smiled. Sunlight washed over the girl.
Gunn moved to help the girl down. Buffy stalked into the corners where the vamps cowered.
"Slayer, I didn't think you came up this way." One of them hissed.
Buffy shrugged. "What can I say? I'm an equal opportunity slayer." She easily blocked a right hook and threw a jab of her own. She knocked one vamp into the sunlight with a well placed back kick. It threw her slightly off balance and she caught another vamp's fist to the jaw. She fell, catching herself with her hands and pushed back up immediately. A roundhouse kick sent another vamp into the sunlight. She heard him scream but she wasn't sure if Gunn had gotten him or the sun had. For a moment, Buffy was a flurry of fists and feet and then there was just dust.
She stuck her stake in the back of her pants and dusted her hands off. She and Gunn stepped out into the sunlight. The girl, Elizabeth, shivered in the warm rays.
"Thank you. They've-what were they? I was headed home last night and they grabbed me-I-what was wrong with them?" Elizabeth asked. Her eyes were wide and frantic.
"Just go home. After dark make sure you stick to well populated areas. Don't go into alleys with anyone you don't know. Better yet, stay home after dark if you can. Now go." Buffy said. She shooed the girl down the street.
Gunn glanced at her and cocked an eyebrow her way.
Buffy sighed. "Sorry, rude much I know. I'm just anxious to get back and check on Angel. He was doing really good before the vision."
Gunn stared at the angry wound on her neck, but he didn't say anything. If she wanted to be a buffet for a bloodsucker, that was her business. He figured as the slayer she knew what she was getting into.
Buffy sat on the edge of her seat all the way back to the hotel. She was out of Gunn's truck before it even stopped. She took the stairs up to Angel's room two at a time. Wes was sitting in the chair, tranquilizer gun loose in his hand. He nodded when she walked in.
"I didn't have to use it. Did you save her?" Wes asked.
"Yeah, she's fine, a little shook up but alive." Buffy said as she edged around the bed to the corner Angel was curled up in.
"Buffy dead, Buffy dead, Buffy gone, killed Buffy. Didn't mean to- didn't want to. Hurt-just meant to take a little, killed Buffy." Angel muttered and rocked back and forth.
Buffy knelt next to him. His eyes were open but he wasn't seeing her. She reached out to touch him and he jerked away, scrambling further into the corner. "Gone-gone-drank her down. Dead now, my fault, dead now. Always, always, always." Angel whispered. There was an almost sing song quality to his voice that was haunting.
"Angel, baby. I'm here. I'm not dead. I'm right here." Buffy whispered.
Angel shook his head. Tears glistened on his cheeks. "No, not real- can't be-killed her-gone now-gone-gone. Buffy's dead, Buffy's gone-my fault- always." Angel repeated.
Buffy sighed. She never heard Wes leave the room. Buffy reached out to touch Angel again and he flinched, drawing as far back into himself as he could.
"Don't touch don't touch don't touch don't touch. Not real-can't touch if not real-Buffy's gone." When he said the last he looked up into Buffy's eyes, seeming to see her for the first time since she'd entered the room. The pain and pleading there was heart wrenching. Buffy bit her lip to keep from collapsing into sobs. She sat back on her haunches, a foot away from him and stared. Her every action seemed to elicit a more violent reaction from him.
She stood up, new determination in her eyes. She rummaged through drawers until she found a dagger. It just took one sharp swipe across her wrist and blood started flowing freely. She shoved her wrist toward Angel. She hoped in his condition he'd take it and feed from her.
Angel covered his face with both his hands. He shook his head and muttered no, no, no to himself over and over. When that didn't make the blood go away he shoved Buffy hard. She wasn't ready for it and she fell on her back, smacking her head against the floor. Stars swam around her head, the impact, plus the loss of blood, encouraged darkness to encroach her mind. She blinked a couple of times and shook her head. She sat up slowly and offered her wrist again, less aggressively this time.
"No! No! No! Won't do it again! Can't kill Buffy again! Noooooooooo!" Angel screamed at the top of his lungs. He started banging his head against the wall, hard.
The scream brought Gunn and Wes thundering into the room. Buffy sat with her head resting against the wall, sobs racked her body and the blood from her wrist still flowed freely. Wes took charge immediately.
"Gunn, take her downstairs, bandage up the wrist. I'll handle Angel." Wes said.
Gunn swept Buffy up in his arms. She struggled weakly but her life, her consciousness was dripping out onto the floor at an alarming pace. As they walked down the stairs, Buffy giggled hysterically. She could hear the wet sound as the blood fell to the stairs and the lobby floor in big, fat drops. Gunn shook his head and watched her carefully. He laid her down on the reception desk. Lately it had been an ideal doctor's table.
Buffy turned her head and watched Gunn through glazed eyes. She giggled again. It was a weak, hollow sound. She was losing so much blood so fast. "Ok, sleepy now, buh bye." She said as she closed her eyes. The last thing she whispered before she passed out was "Gone now-Buffy's gone- always."
A/N Sorry this was so long in coming. Thanks to those of you who had patience with me and encouraged me!
It took a long time to convince Angel to bite Buffy again. In the end she hauled off and punched him until the demon came to the surface. Once it did Buffy grabbed him by the back of his neck and shoved his mouth into her neck. He couldn't resist he sunk his fangs into her neck. He was careful. It was clear when he pulled away after just a few long pulls that Angel was the one in control not the demon. He licked at the wound until it had stopped bleeding. The change in lucidity was remarkable and almost instantaneous.
"Okay? Take too much?" Angel asked.
She smiled at him. "I'm fine, look at me exhibiting all my fineness."
"Drink some juice at least and eat something." He said.
She chuckled at his concern. "Okay but really I'm fine. Hardly even dizzy feeling. You didn't take too much, don't worry."
But he did worry. There was an odd satisfaction to seeing his mark, raw, fresh and open on her neck again. That worried him and he felt guilty about it.
"Angel, please, don't clutter this up with worry and pain. Just let it be." She said.
She insisted she didn't need her neck bandaged. It had stopped bleeding and it would begin healing in a few hours. She didn't mention that he would also be opening it again by nightfall. She was going to have to buy a lot more scarves. It wasn't that the wound bothered her, in fact she took perverse pleasure in having his mark, fresh and angry, adorn her neck, but the general public would look at her with horror and pity.
Buffy took Angel by the hand and led him to the big wingback chair in his room. He sat down. She crawled up in his lap and curled into him. She rested her head against his shoulder and took a deep breathe. She let it out with an unmistakable sound of contentment.
"I've missed this." She said.
He smiled and wrapped his arms tighter around her. "Me too."
Her lips found his of their own accord. She closed her eyes and soaked in the way he felt on her mouth. His lips were cool, the perfect compliment to her own skin which always felt so hot in comparison. He tugged on her bottom lip. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt of their own accord. She sighed in contentment and pleasure as she spread her hands over his bare chest. His hands worked their way under her shirt, sliding up her back, pulling her closer. She reveled in the feel of his hands on her bare skin. In an instant his hands were gone. His breath was coming fast and ragged. She pushed herself off his lap with an audible gulp. There was still the pesky problem of Angel's soul. It was a brick wall they kept running into and it hurt more every time they hit it.
"Sorry, it's been to long. I got carried away." Buffy said.
Angel nodded. "Me too, couldn't help it."
Buffy chuckled. "It seems to be a never changing issue in our relationship, not that that's a bad thing. I mean I 'd worry if we didn't want each other but..." she trailed off.
"Relationship?" Angel croaked.
"Well, no I mean of course not, you've probably got things here and back in Sunnydale-"Buffy started.
"You probably have a boyfriend." Angel said.
Buffy laughed again. "No, no boyfriend. I've learned Buffy and boys plus relationships equal a very unmixy thing."
"So you don't want a relationship?" Angel asked.
Buffy looked at him. She blinked, obviously confused. "Define with who?"
"Well, I thought we were talking about a relationship with me and you. Or, maybe not. It's-things are still muddled up here." He tapped his temple.
"No, we were. I mean I think maybe we were. Are we talking friendship relationship or love relationship or deep everlasting soul mate relationship?" Buffy looked at Angel, her eyes meeting his. "Never mind, ignore the question. We only do one kind of relationship. It's deep everlasting soul mates with us or nothing."
Angel smiled at her. "Doesn't answer my question."
"Sorry, it's taking a little while to process. Angel, all I've ever seen in my future is you. All I've ever wanted is you. I told you once I couldn't change, I was never going to change. That's still true. I haven't changed. I've tried but I can't. Maybe you and I don't work perfectly, maybe it's not all flowers and fluffy puppies, but me without you doesn't work at all." Buffy said.
"So, how do we do this?" Angel said.
"Do what?"
"Me, you and the insanity problems I'm having." Angel said.
"Well, I think we've figured out the insanity problem. It's not perfect but until I can think of something else, it's a temporary fix." Buffy said.
Angel shook his head. "I can't just keep taking blood from you, Buffy."
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because it'll weaken you over time, it'll make my cravings for human blood worse. It makes the demon harder to control. Besides, I haven't had a vision. That's when I really lose my mind. It might not hold up after a vision." Angel said.
"No big deal. I'll make more." Buffy said.
"No, I don't like this." Angel said.
"And I don't like letting you live in the condition you were living in. I can't live with myself knowing there is something I can do to help." Buffy protested.
Angel sighed. This was not an argument either one of them were going to win. "How long will this last, the lucidity?"
Buffy shrugged. "Six hours last time. I hope it'll build on itself and you'll have longer and longer periods of time. Maybe eventually it will be permanent."
"And if it's not?" Angel asked.
"Then we deal. I'm not worried about it. When all this started, Wes told me you lost. I told him I'd find you and I will. No matter what I will always find you because if you're lost then all the parts of me that you hold are lost." Buffy said.
Angel pulled her back into his arms. He clung to her, as if she could keep him from slipping back into the oblivion of his mind. He was holding on to her when he fell to his knees, dragging her with him. He clasped his hands to his head and started screaming.
"Wes!" Buffy screamed. She knelt down next to Angel, trying to cradle him, trying to ease some of his pain.
"1213 Lincoln, hurry, hurry. Girl- he's going to get her. Have to stop them-help the girl. She's dying-1213 Lincoln-1213." Angel muttered once he had stopped screaming.
Wes burst through the door.
"Vision, 1213 Lincoln he says. There's a girl and I don't know what else." Buffy said.
Wes knelt down next to Buffy and Angel. "Angel, can you hear me? What's trying to hurt the girl?"
"Vampires-Elizabeth-help her-dying-help her-1213 Lincoln." Angel muttered.
Buffy glanced at Wes. "Stay here with him. Gunn and I will take care of this."
"I don't like letting you two go out alone." Wes said.
"And I don't like him being left alone. I'm the slayer, Wes. Gunn and I have this." Buffy said.
"Alright then. Call if you need anything." Wes said reluctantly.
Buffy stood up and cast a look at Angel lying in a fetal position on the floor. "Just-don't tranq him unless he tries to hurt you."
Wes nodded. Buffy ran down the stairs. She grabbed a handful of stakes from the weapons cabinet. "Come on, Gunn, vision time. You know where 1213 Lincoln is?"
Gunn nodded. "Yeah that's my old neighborhood."
"We need to get there fast, help someone named Elizabeth." Buffy said.
1213 Lincoln turned out to be an old grocery store. It was abandoned. The windows were boarded over. "Looks like a vamp nest to me." Gunn said.
Buffy nodded. She glanced around her. The street was pretty deserted. "So, if they have a girl in there, it's highly likely they are up and about. I'm not feeling real sneaky or time consume-y. You have a problem with breaking and entering?"
Gunn looked at her puzzled. "Into a vamp nest, hell no, but sneaky generally goes with breaking and entering, doesn't it?"
"Not the way I do it." Buffy said walking up to the boarded over windows. She assessed the windows once more. The boards were cheap particle board. It only took one well place sidekick to splinter the window covering. Sunlight poured in and sent vampires on fire scurrying for the shadows. Buffy shattered the other boarded up window and walked in, stake in hand.
"Rise and shine." She said looking around. There were six vamps. One girl hung from chains in the center of the room. Buffy smiled. Sunlight washed over the girl.
Gunn moved to help the girl down. Buffy stalked into the corners where the vamps cowered.
"Slayer, I didn't think you came up this way." One of them hissed.
Buffy shrugged. "What can I say? I'm an equal opportunity slayer." She easily blocked a right hook and threw a jab of her own. She knocked one vamp into the sunlight with a well placed back kick. It threw her slightly off balance and she caught another vamp's fist to the jaw. She fell, catching herself with her hands and pushed back up immediately. A roundhouse kick sent another vamp into the sunlight. She heard him scream but she wasn't sure if Gunn had gotten him or the sun had. For a moment, Buffy was a flurry of fists and feet and then there was just dust.
She stuck her stake in the back of her pants and dusted her hands off. She and Gunn stepped out into the sunlight. The girl, Elizabeth, shivered in the warm rays.
"Thank you. They've-what were they? I was headed home last night and they grabbed me-I-what was wrong with them?" Elizabeth asked. Her eyes were wide and frantic.
"Just go home. After dark make sure you stick to well populated areas. Don't go into alleys with anyone you don't know. Better yet, stay home after dark if you can. Now go." Buffy said. She shooed the girl down the street.
Gunn glanced at her and cocked an eyebrow her way.
Buffy sighed. "Sorry, rude much I know. I'm just anxious to get back and check on Angel. He was doing really good before the vision."
Gunn stared at the angry wound on her neck, but he didn't say anything. If she wanted to be a buffet for a bloodsucker, that was her business. He figured as the slayer she knew what she was getting into.
Buffy sat on the edge of her seat all the way back to the hotel. She was out of Gunn's truck before it even stopped. She took the stairs up to Angel's room two at a time. Wes was sitting in the chair, tranquilizer gun loose in his hand. He nodded when she walked in.
"I didn't have to use it. Did you save her?" Wes asked.
"Yeah, she's fine, a little shook up but alive." Buffy said as she edged around the bed to the corner Angel was curled up in.
"Buffy dead, Buffy dead, Buffy gone, killed Buffy. Didn't mean to- didn't want to. Hurt-just meant to take a little, killed Buffy." Angel muttered and rocked back and forth.
Buffy knelt next to him. His eyes were open but he wasn't seeing her. She reached out to touch him and he jerked away, scrambling further into the corner. "Gone-gone-drank her down. Dead now, my fault, dead now. Always, always, always." Angel whispered. There was an almost sing song quality to his voice that was haunting.
"Angel, baby. I'm here. I'm not dead. I'm right here." Buffy whispered.
Angel shook his head. Tears glistened on his cheeks. "No, not real- can't be-killed her-gone now-gone-gone. Buffy's dead, Buffy's gone-my fault- always." Angel repeated.
Buffy sighed. She never heard Wes leave the room. Buffy reached out to touch Angel again and he flinched, drawing as far back into himself as he could.
"Don't touch don't touch don't touch don't touch. Not real-can't touch if not real-Buffy's gone." When he said the last he looked up into Buffy's eyes, seeming to see her for the first time since she'd entered the room. The pain and pleading there was heart wrenching. Buffy bit her lip to keep from collapsing into sobs. She sat back on her haunches, a foot away from him and stared. Her every action seemed to elicit a more violent reaction from him.
She stood up, new determination in her eyes. She rummaged through drawers until she found a dagger. It just took one sharp swipe across her wrist and blood started flowing freely. She shoved her wrist toward Angel. She hoped in his condition he'd take it and feed from her.
Angel covered his face with both his hands. He shook his head and muttered no, no, no to himself over and over. When that didn't make the blood go away he shoved Buffy hard. She wasn't ready for it and she fell on her back, smacking her head against the floor. Stars swam around her head, the impact, plus the loss of blood, encouraged darkness to encroach her mind. She blinked a couple of times and shook her head. She sat up slowly and offered her wrist again, less aggressively this time.
"No! No! No! Won't do it again! Can't kill Buffy again! Noooooooooo!" Angel screamed at the top of his lungs. He started banging his head against the wall, hard.
The scream brought Gunn and Wes thundering into the room. Buffy sat with her head resting against the wall, sobs racked her body and the blood from her wrist still flowed freely. Wes took charge immediately.
"Gunn, take her downstairs, bandage up the wrist. I'll handle Angel." Wes said.
Gunn swept Buffy up in his arms. She struggled weakly but her life, her consciousness was dripping out onto the floor at an alarming pace. As they walked down the stairs, Buffy giggled hysterically. She could hear the wet sound as the blood fell to the stairs and the lobby floor in big, fat drops. Gunn shook his head and watched her carefully. He laid her down on the reception desk. Lately it had been an ideal doctor's table.
Buffy turned her head and watched Gunn through glazed eyes. She giggled again. It was a weak, hollow sound. She was losing so much blood so fast. "Ok, sleepy now, buh bye." She said as she closed her eyes. The last thing she whispered before she passed out was "Gone now-Buffy's gone- always."