Sopilers: Multiple shows – mainly Season 1 and 7.
AN: Thanks for all the kind reviews…I really, truly appreciate them!!
~~~~~~~~Teal'c~~~~~~~
The Tau'ri are most interesting in their ways of dealing with grief. Some openly display their pain while others lock it away and pretend that it does not affect them. I have witnessed such behavior in the last day.
Today we held a memorial service for Dr. Janet Frasier. She died in a firefight while tending to a wounded soldier. Daniel Jackson was with her when she passed. I believe he feels guilty – that he did not properly protect her. I do not understand why he feels this way. Daniel Jackson could not have foreseen the events that would ultimately cause her death, even had he been a properly trained warrior. She died honorably, the way any Jaffa, or Tau'ri soldier for that matter, would wish to die – in battle, protecting those who cannot protect themselves. Nevertheless, Daniel Jackson still wishes to take the blame for her loss. He has sought the company of his friends – no, his family – to help him through this time.
Colonel O'Neill, on the other hand, does not allow his emotions show. Like myself, O'Neill is a trained soldier who deals with death daily. He cannot let emotion get in the way of his duty. O'Neill's face today was devoid of all emotion, save one moment during the memorial service. When he was received the flag that draped Dr. Frasier's coffin, his facade slipped for a moment and I saw the sadness and regret that lingered in his eyes. A flash of sorrow and it was gone – rather like lightening. O'Neill is a man who feels things deeply, yet hides his feelings with a protective layer of sarcasm and wit. Although some may consider him to be slightly intellectually challenged, very few, if any, would refuse to follow him into battle. O'Neill instinctually inspires trust in people. I know I trusted him the moment I first saw him.
I had long been resigned to my life as First Prime to Apophis. Although I no longer revered him as my god, I felt that I was in an untenable situation – one from which there was no escape. Days, then weeks and months passed as I went about my duties with extreme distaste and mounting horror. The worst day, however, was when I was required to choose Apophis's new queen from a selection of women slaves that had been captured and brought to my home planet of Chulak. Had I known then what I do now, I would have never chosen Daniel Jackson's wife Sha're as a possible candidate. Some mistakes, however, can never be undone. I had hoped there could have been a way to save her as we did Skarra, and although I regret my action of taking her life when she risked Daniel Jackson's…I had no other course of action. She is gone now, just as Dr. Frasier is gone, and with her, another part of us.
Major Carter, Dr. Frasier's best friend and confidant, has shown the most backbone for us all. Earlier today, however, was a different story. I had spoken to General Hammond about Dr. Frasier's memorial service and I had mentioned my concern that Cassandra Frasier would be unable to attend, being as she was off on a retreat. He requested that I be the SG-1 member that retrieved Cassandra Frasier, as we were her family. After thanking him for the honor and trust that he bestowed upon me, he mentioned that Major Carter was delivering the eulogy at the memorial service. He requested that I "drop by" her lab to see if she required any assistance. I inclined my head and departed. As I walked through the halls of the SGC, I began to think about those that I had lost. My father - killed by Cronus in a fit of rage; my wife, Drey'auc, who refused a new symbiote to sustain her own life so that no other Jaffa would have to sacrifice theirs for her and Sho'nac, my lost love and friend, killed by the Goa'uld Tanith. All these people, and more, gave their lives so that others can live free. I went to my quarters before going to see Major Carter and retrieved a few words that I had written today after kel'nor'eem. I felt that they might assist her in gathering her thoughts. As I entered her lab, I saw that she had been crying. She told me that General Hammond had asked her to speak at the memorial service, but that she was unsure of what to say. I told her that she should speak from her heart and that I had written a few words that I might say if given the chance. However, it may sound better coming from her. I assured her that I would retrieve Cassandra Frasier and would return as soon as possible. After reading my words, she smiled and then embraced me. I returned her hug and left pick up Cassandra Frasier.
Flying in a UH-1C was a new experience to me. Also called the "Huey Hog", it is a bit more spacious than a standard OH-6 Cayuse that is commonly used by the Cheyenne Mountain staff. As we flew through the Rocky Mountains and neared the retreat site, I pondered what I might say to Cassandra Frasier to ease her suffering. All the usual things that one might say upon such occasions do not seem to apply here. I supposed I would have to, as O'Neill would say, "wing it".
As we arrived at the retreat site, a small crowd had gathered in the clearing. In the center of the group was Cassandra Frasier. Her friends embraced her before she walked towards me, tears evident on her face. I stepped out from the cockpit and took her into my arms.
"I am glad to see you, Cassandra. I am deeply grieved for your loss."
"I know you are, Teal'c," she said, her voice muffled against my shirt. "Thank you for coming."
I helped her into the helicopter and handed her a set of headphones. She put them on as the helicopter rose into the air. Waving at her friends as we departed, she then turned to me.
"Were you there? I mean, when she…" She paused, unable to continue.
"No, I am sorry. I was with Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter. Daniel Jackson, however, was with her." I replied, patting her hand.
Cassie sighed. "I'm glad that Daniel was with her. Do you…think that she felt any pain?"
Again, I patted her hand. "No, she went quickly. I do not think she even knew that it happened. Your mother was doing what she did best – helping an injured soldier. She had great honor."
Cassie smiled tearfully at that. "She would have appreciated hearing that." She turned away to look out the window.
The remainder of the flight was silent; we were each lost in our own thoughts.
Just as we were in sight of the base, she, again, turned towards me.
"How are the others taking it? Is Sam ok?" She looked at me questioningly.
I was unsure of how to respond. "Colonel O'Neill is dealing with it in his own way. Major Carter is understandably upset, and I have not spoken to Daniel Jackson is some time. I think that they, we, may be more concerned about how you are at this time." I rushed ahead with my thoughts. "If you need to talk about this, I will be happy to listen."
"Thank you, Teal'c," she said, leaning over to give me a reassuring hug. "It's going to be rough, but I know that I have you guys to help me and that means a lot."
The helicopter landed and I helped her out. Major Carter appeared, wearing her class A dress blues and immediately wrapped her arms around Cassandra. "Oh God, Cassie," she said. "I'm so sorry, honey." The two walked away toward the entry door as I followed, carrying Cassandra's duffle bag.
We entered the facility and rode the elevator down to the staff residence level. Colonel O'Neill, also wearing his dress blues, was waiting for us as the doors slid open. He opened his arms and Cassandra flew into them. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her hard. He kept one arm around her as he began to walk with her down the hall towards Major Carter's quarters. I handed Major Carter the duffle bag and spoke softly to her. "I will change and meet you in the conference room. Have you seen Daniel Jackson?"
"Yes," she replied, taking the bag. "He is waiting for us there. How was the flight?"
"Cassandra Frasier is a strong woman," I said. "She was more concerned about the rest of us rather than herself."
"Just like her mother," Major Carter said, sighing heavily. "Thank you for going to get her, Teal'c. I really appreciate it." She smiled at me.
"Do not concern yourself about it. Wild equines could not have prevented me," I replied as I turned and walked away to my own quarters to change for the memorial.
This was going to be a long and sorrowful afternoon.