Unto Me
by Moonstone 04
***
Author's Notes: Big spoiler warning for the ending of Xenosaga ep 1. There's also a lot of theory and such speculation in here. The pairing is chaos and KOS-MOS. Slightly suggestive, but probably nothing to worry about. ^^
***
The Elsa was threatening to shake itself apart. Everyone else was on the bridge, uselessly trying to pull the ship out of its firey descent. They had no need to worry, no matter what happened, it was fated that they would survive. Except for one... That one to whom his destiny seemed irresistably bound. Standing in the hangar, chaos paid no attention to the ship rattling around him.
chaos stared down at his gloved hands. He had the power... He could save them all. But the power inside him was horrifying. The power felt like a living presence inside him, an alien entity working through him. As much as it was a part of him, he still did not understand it. In very small amounts, it had its uses and could be controlled. To unleash more was to risk untold devastation. This was something he knew simply by instinct.
Still, his orders were clear. This was why he was here. KOS-MOS was needed, she had to be saved. Without KOS-MOS, the plan would never work. She was absolutely essential. It could not succeed with Shion alone.
KOS-MOS was destined to bring great change, but with great change came great upheaval. Everything good and evil would be washed away, into heaven, hell, madness, and oblivion. If she lived, no matter what the outcome of the future, she would impact their world forever.
The decision was in his hands. If he wished, he could end it all right now. He could let her die, and spare billions of lives. Deep inside he felt it was the right thing to do. To lift away the weight of his guilt, letting her be his sacrifice. Perhaps he would never find the peace promised, but the rest of humanity was what mattered.
But... His "father"... His father had told him that the plan was the only way to set things right and escape the endless cycle of suffering. The only way he could ever...
chaos' fists tightened.
"What will you do?" Nephilim's question echoed in his mind.
His heart was so weary and full of grief. chaos didn't want to be responsible for anymore death and suffering. Even KOS-MOS had a soul, a warm glow inside her, just like any other human. He had always felt it there, a bright, loving aura so different from the cold android everyone else knew. How could he do nothing and let that precious light go out? Shion would be devastated, once again suffering pain because of his actions. He loved them more dearly than anything, somehow he always had. To lose either of them or cause them pain was more than he could bear. But if he continued with the plan, he could still lose them, as they became his father's tools of apocalypse. Even more would die.
He hated the power. He hated having these terrible choices. Nephilim couldn't tell him what to do, there were too many possibilities. She was as cryptic with him as anyone else. She had always been there in his dreams, always with questions, but no real answers. In time, he would understand, she told him. KOS-MOS was the key, and Shion was vital to her. He still didn't understand, and if KOS-MOS died, he never would.
Time was running out.
It was getting warm inside the hangar, which it never was. The Elsa's outer hull was burning. Soon the hangar and the entire ship would be consumed.
Never had his "name" felt more appropriate. His emotions and thoughts were in complete confusion. He had long known he would have to make this choice. But he still didn't know what to do. To do what was right, and lose everything, or save KOS-MOS, even if it meant following his father's path towards utter destruction.
He was so lost in his internal struggle, he didn't notice he wasn't alone until the footsteps were right behind him. His heart racing with anxiety, he dropped his hands as KOS-MOS calmly walked past. She was heading towards the aft hatch.
"You're...?" chaos realized she was going outside. There was no more time. "Wait!"
KOS-MOS didn't stop. "Relinquish your pain...unto me..." Blue hair glimmering in waves after her, she was gone.
His pain? chaos frowned, trying to collect his senses. How could she know anything about what he was going through? He didn't know how, but a wave of understanding suddenly came over him. She was taking the pain of the decision from him.
chaos clenched his fists as his sides, shaking with emotion. She was going to sacrifice herself for the sake of everyone, knowing she didn't have to. Somehow, she knew... And she was doing this for him...
No! He couldn't let her die! Even if it played them into his father's hands, even if it destroyed every last drop of goodness and kindness inside him. KOS-MOS was more important than anything!
Trying to calm himself, he looked back down at his hands. There was a way... But if he wasn't careful, he could destroy her. They could all be destroyed...he had to calm down. He took a deep breath as he focused. His hands began to glow with turquoise light as he released the power deep within. Closing his eyes, he bowed his head as he let it overtake his body with that strange stirring at the back of his mind. The presence was stronger than ever before, curious and whispering in a faintly familiar voice. It was too low to hear, but at the same time it rushed in his ears as the darkness behind his eyes lit up with the brilliance of the power.
He didn't know how he did it. Like all things regarding the power, chaos didn't truly understand what it was or how it worked. It was either just something he could do, or gradually learned to do over time. In this case, it was partially knowing what had to be done. The actual doing seemed to be pure instinct. One moment he was standing in the hangar, the next, he was engulfed in flame.
The fire didn't burn, since he no longer had a body. He was pure power. Just below him, KOS-MOS was flying before the Elsa, preparing to activate her shield. It would save the ship, but she would not survive the descent. Already her armor was burning. As the flames intensified, her visor cracked and broke away. Even in the blinding fire, he could see her aura flashing brightly. Like a moth to light, he zoomed towards it without a thought.
Somehow sensing him, the girl's soul pulled him in, cradling his life force. If he had been in a physical form, he would have sobbed as an overwhelming joy wracked him from the deepest depths of his soul. To be here with her, was his greatest desire, he knew that now. The love he felt from her, and for her was beyond description. If there was a heaven, this was it.
Light ebbed and flowed, and their souls mingled. chaos felt himself, the power, flooding into every circuit of KOS-MOS. Finally, unable to resist the force drawing them together, they entered each other, their souls merging into one. The power flared, and something inside the machine stirred to life.
So long... Had waited so long... Forever...
Everything disappeared in in a brilliant flash of light and ecstacy.
***
As chaos slowly awoke, he didn't know where he was. He was lying on the hangar floor, shaking and out of breath. He felt...good.
"chaos!" Hammer's voice called over the Comm. "You still alive!?"
He closed his eyes, unwilling to let go of the warm, contented feeling.
"chaos!" Hammer called again. Then quieter, he heard Tony in the background, "damn it, I knew there was something wrong when he didn't come to the bridge..."
Suddenly, chaos remembered why he was there. He practically jumped to his feet. Then almost fell flat on his face as a wave of dizzyness hit him. With a sway, he quickly steadied himself. Holding his head as he moved over to a hangar Comm panel, he pressed the button.
"I'm okay down here. Is everything still shipshape?"
"chaos!" Hammer laughed. "Guys, he's down in the hangar! Uh, barely, on that one, chaos. KOS-MOS really saved our bacon that time. Don't know how she did it, but she's still alive out there! We've arrived on Second Miltia, in one piece, more or less. What the hell were you doing down there!?"
KOS-MOS... "Uh, I was securing the hangar, and then I guess I got knocked out sometime during the rough descent." Well, part of it was true, in a sense.
"Is KOS-MOS down there?" Shion suddenly yelled into the Comm.
chaos flinched with a smile. "No..." The sound of approaching footsteps on the metal floor, made him turn sharply. KOS-MOS had reboarded, and was coming towards him. chaos felt a rush of emotion at the sight of her.
"She moved out of camera range just a few moments ago!" Shion continued. "She should have been in by now... that's it, I'm going down there myself...!"
"No!" chaos finally found his voice. "It's not safe down here. We took a lot of damage. KOS-MOS is here now, I'll bring her up. We'll meet you in the restaurant, I think we could use a break after all that."
"Well...alright. We'll meet you there." Shion abruptly cut off the Comm. Probably running straight to the restaurant. Understandable.
chaos pushed away from the bulkhead and ran to KOS-MOS. He embraced her tightly, stopping her in her tracks. He buried his face against her neck. For an android, she was surprisingly soft to the touch. And warm. He didn't want to let go, ever. She was his key...
"I love you." chaos breathed into her silky blue hair.
KOS-MOS said nothing, standing straight and still. When he looked into her face, ruby-red eyes looked back with little more expression than that of a doll. But he knew she was in there, and she could hear him and see him.
"I am happy to be of service." KOS-MOS said in her usual manner. "Perhaps we should go. Shion is waiting."
chaos smiled tenderly. "Yeah. We'll go see her together. I just want...a little while longer. Please." Closing his eyes, he rested his head on her shoulder. It had been so long since he had truly felt at peace. He knew it wouldn't last. There would be consequences, and he would have to deal with them when that time came. But not now, not this moment. KOS-MOS said nothing more, standing there as chaos stayed her in his arms.
One black-gloved hand came to rest on his back.
by Moonstone 04
***
Author's Notes: Big spoiler warning for the ending of Xenosaga ep 1. There's also a lot of theory and such speculation in here. The pairing is chaos and KOS-MOS. Slightly suggestive, but probably nothing to worry about. ^^
***
The Elsa was threatening to shake itself apart. Everyone else was on the bridge, uselessly trying to pull the ship out of its firey descent. They had no need to worry, no matter what happened, it was fated that they would survive. Except for one... That one to whom his destiny seemed irresistably bound. Standing in the hangar, chaos paid no attention to the ship rattling around him.
chaos stared down at his gloved hands. He had the power... He could save them all. But the power inside him was horrifying. The power felt like a living presence inside him, an alien entity working through him. As much as it was a part of him, he still did not understand it. In very small amounts, it had its uses and could be controlled. To unleash more was to risk untold devastation. This was something he knew simply by instinct.
Still, his orders were clear. This was why he was here. KOS-MOS was needed, she had to be saved. Without KOS-MOS, the plan would never work. She was absolutely essential. It could not succeed with Shion alone.
KOS-MOS was destined to bring great change, but with great change came great upheaval. Everything good and evil would be washed away, into heaven, hell, madness, and oblivion. If she lived, no matter what the outcome of the future, she would impact their world forever.
The decision was in his hands. If he wished, he could end it all right now. He could let her die, and spare billions of lives. Deep inside he felt it was the right thing to do. To lift away the weight of his guilt, letting her be his sacrifice. Perhaps he would never find the peace promised, but the rest of humanity was what mattered.
But... His "father"... His father had told him that the plan was the only way to set things right and escape the endless cycle of suffering. The only way he could ever...
chaos' fists tightened.
"What will you do?" Nephilim's question echoed in his mind.
His heart was so weary and full of grief. chaos didn't want to be responsible for anymore death and suffering. Even KOS-MOS had a soul, a warm glow inside her, just like any other human. He had always felt it there, a bright, loving aura so different from the cold android everyone else knew. How could he do nothing and let that precious light go out? Shion would be devastated, once again suffering pain because of his actions. He loved them more dearly than anything, somehow he always had. To lose either of them or cause them pain was more than he could bear. But if he continued with the plan, he could still lose them, as they became his father's tools of apocalypse. Even more would die.
He hated the power. He hated having these terrible choices. Nephilim couldn't tell him what to do, there were too many possibilities. She was as cryptic with him as anyone else. She had always been there in his dreams, always with questions, but no real answers. In time, he would understand, she told him. KOS-MOS was the key, and Shion was vital to her. He still didn't understand, and if KOS-MOS died, he never would.
Time was running out.
It was getting warm inside the hangar, which it never was. The Elsa's outer hull was burning. Soon the hangar and the entire ship would be consumed.
Never had his "name" felt more appropriate. His emotions and thoughts were in complete confusion. He had long known he would have to make this choice. But he still didn't know what to do. To do what was right, and lose everything, or save KOS-MOS, even if it meant following his father's path towards utter destruction.
He was so lost in his internal struggle, he didn't notice he wasn't alone until the footsteps were right behind him. His heart racing with anxiety, he dropped his hands as KOS-MOS calmly walked past. She was heading towards the aft hatch.
"You're...?" chaos realized she was going outside. There was no more time. "Wait!"
KOS-MOS didn't stop. "Relinquish your pain...unto me..." Blue hair glimmering in waves after her, she was gone.
His pain? chaos frowned, trying to collect his senses. How could she know anything about what he was going through? He didn't know how, but a wave of understanding suddenly came over him. She was taking the pain of the decision from him.
chaos clenched his fists as his sides, shaking with emotion. She was going to sacrifice herself for the sake of everyone, knowing she didn't have to. Somehow, she knew... And she was doing this for him...
No! He couldn't let her die! Even if it played them into his father's hands, even if it destroyed every last drop of goodness and kindness inside him. KOS-MOS was more important than anything!
Trying to calm himself, he looked back down at his hands. There was a way... But if he wasn't careful, he could destroy her. They could all be destroyed...he had to calm down. He took a deep breath as he focused. His hands began to glow with turquoise light as he released the power deep within. Closing his eyes, he bowed his head as he let it overtake his body with that strange stirring at the back of his mind. The presence was stronger than ever before, curious and whispering in a faintly familiar voice. It was too low to hear, but at the same time it rushed in his ears as the darkness behind his eyes lit up with the brilliance of the power.
He didn't know how he did it. Like all things regarding the power, chaos didn't truly understand what it was or how it worked. It was either just something he could do, or gradually learned to do over time. In this case, it was partially knowing what had to be done. The actual doing seemed to be pure instinct. One moment he was standing in the hangar, the next, he was engulfed in flame.
The fire didn't burn, since he no longer had a body. He was pure power. Just below him, KOS-MOS was flying before the Elsa, preparing to activate her shield. It would save the ship, but she would not survive the descent. Already her armor was burning. As the flames intensified, her visor cracked and broke away. Even in the blinding fire, he could see her aura flashing brightly. Like a moth to light, he zoomed towards it without a thought.
Somehow sensing him, the girl's soul pulled him in, cradling his life force. If he had been in a physical form, he would have sobbed as an overwhelming joy wracked him from the deepest depths of his soul. To be here with her, was his greatest desire, he knew that now. The love he felt from her, and for her was beyond description. If there was a heaven, this was it.
Light ebbed and flowed, and their souls mingled. chaos felt himself, the power, flooding into every circuit of KOS-MOS. Finally, unable to resist the force drawing them together, they entered each other, their souls merging into one. The power flared, and something inside the machine stirred to life.
So long... Had waited so long... Forever...
Everything disappeared in in a brilliant flash of light and ecstacy.
***
As chaos slowly awoke, he didn't know where he was. He was lying on the hangar floor, shaking and out of breath. He felt...good.
"chaos!" Hammer's voice called over the Comm. "You still alive!?"
He closed his eyes, unwilling to let go of the warm, contented feeling.
"chaos!" Hammer called again. Then quieter, he heard Tony in the background, "damn it, I knew there was something wrong when he didn't come to the bridge..."
Suddenly, chaos remembered why he was there. He practically jumped to his feet. Then almost fell flat on his face as a wave of dizzyness hit him. With a sway, he quickly steadied himself. Holding his head as he moved over to a hangar Comm panel, he pressed the button.
"I'm okay down here. Is everything still shipshape?"
"chaos!" Hammer laughed. "Guys, he's down in the hangar! Uh, barely, on that one, chaos. KOS-MOS really saved our bacon that time. Don't know how she did it, but she's still alive out there! We've arrived on Second Miltia, in one piece, more or less. What the hell were you doing down there!?"
KOS-MOS... "Uh, I was securing the hangar, and then I guess I got knocked out sometime during the rough descent." Well, part of it was true, in a sense.
"Is KOS-MOS down there?" Shion suddenly yelled into the Comm.
chaos flinched with a smile. "No..." The sound of approaching footsteps on the metal floor, made him turn sharply. KOS-MOS had reboarded, and was coming towards him. chaos felt a rush of emotion at the sight of her.
"She moved out of camera range just a few moments ago!" Shion continued. "She should have been in by now... that's it, I'm going down there myself...!"
"No!" chaos finally found his voice. "It's not safe down here. We took a lot of damage. KOS-MOS is here now, I'll bring her up. We'll meet you in the restaurant, I think we could use a break after all that."
"Well...alright. We'll meet you there." Shion abruptly cut off the Comm. Probably running straight to the restaurant. Understandable.
chaos pushed away from the bulkhead and ran to KOS-MOS. He embraced her tightly, stopping her in her tracks. He buried his face against her neck. For an android, she was surprisingly soft to the touch. And warm. He didn't want to let go, ever. She was his key...
"I love you." chaos breathed into her silky blue hair.
KOS-MOS said nothing, standing straight and still. When he looked into her face, ruby-red eyes looked back with little more expression than that of a doll. But he knew she was in there, and she could hear him and see him.
"I am happy to be of service." KOS-MOS said in her usual manner. "Perhaps we should go. Shion is waiting."
chaos smiled tenderly. "Yeah. We'll go see her together. I just want...a little while longer. Please." Closing his eyes, he rested his head on her shoulder. It had been so long since he had truly felt at peace. He knew it wouldn't last. There would be consequences, and he would have to deal with them when that time came. But not now, not this moment. KOS-MOS said nothing more, standing there as chaos stayed her in his arms.
One black-gloved hand came to rest on his back.