Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, just the ideas, so don't sue me!
Remus Lupin cast his tired eyes around the attic and sighed, it would take forever to clean this mess up. However, this would be the only time he would have a chance, because Dumbledore had said this would be Lupin's first and last break for a very long time.
He bent over and opened a box, inside were stacks and stacks of magazines; he picked up the first one, and blew the dust off. Oh! He remembered these! He and his friends had put out a school magazine in their 6th year, he recalled how much they had laughed over the outrageous suggestions given to them by their fellow students. He sank into a chair and began to read.
Marauder Magazine
Hello all and welcome to the first issue of the Marauder Magazine! Enjoy!
Sirius Section
This is Sirius Black with all the latest news and views from Hogwarts. Today we deal with the subject looked upon happily by most Gryffindors. Pranking the Slytherins! (For ideas see Pranks From The Big Book of Marauding History section) Let's see what amusing things we will get to witness today. Mr. Snivellus Snape, what ridicule are you being forced to bear today?
"I know you did this!
And when this wears off of me
You'll wish you were dead;"
Ah, Mr. Snape how ever so poetic! In short, for all Gryffindors, the Slytherins cannot speak in anything but Haiku poetry. For those who don't know what Haiku is, it's a form of poetry in verses composed of three lines, the first line with 5 syllables, the second line with 7 syllables, and the last line with 5 syllables. I'm sure this latest Gryffindor escapade will keep us amused for a while. Once again, this is Sirius Black, with all the latest News and Views from Hogwarts. If we don't tell it to you, it hasn't happened.
Do you want to express your views, or tell your news? Talk to me, Sirius Black. If you go along with my Pink Pony Escapade, then your views may just get published in the Marauder Magazine. For Pink Pony Escapade, see Request Remus section.
Request Remus
Q. Dear Remus,
I'm stuck on the Potions essay, could you help me?
-Befuddled
A. Dear Befuddled,
Do I look like a textbook of any sort to you? (If you are a normal person, you will answer no to this question.) Therefore, I will not give you answers, no matter how easy the potions essay is.
-Remus
Q. Dear Remus,
I have recently taken up a redecorating hobby, and would like to refurbish the common room, however I will need assistance if I am to take up this task, but no one seems willing to help. Especially when I mention Pink Pony Wallpaper. What should I do?
-Perplexed Padfoot
A. SIRIUS! I've told you once, and I'll tell you again we all not, I repeat NOT! Wallpapering the common room.
Q. Dear Remus,
I'm starting to feel emotions for a certain greasy-haired, sexy slytherin, what should I tell him?
-In Love
A. Dear "In Love",
You are gross and disgusting, I am appalled at your behavior. Visit Madame Pomfrey.
-Remus
Need Help? Request Remus, he has all the practical answers and ideas for you, slip questions under the door to the Room of Requirement.
Swings and Flings with Fiona Garbles
This is Garbles coming to you from the (so-far pink-pony free) Gryffindor Common Room, and by the looks of it, this year we have plenty of new couples. Sirius has already charmed another unsuspecting girl, and has been seen snogging her at odd hours of the night. Sources tell us she is from Ravenclaw, but her identity is still unknown. We will notify all you clamoring female Sirius fans, (no doubt you are female, if you are male, you are totally gross)
Frank Longbottom seems to be having wonderful luck in his love life. His crush since first year, Alice Smethwyk has finally come down from the heavens and they are now going steady into their third week of dating. Lets look at the other lover boy with a crush since first year, James Potter. No less than seven witnesses claim they observed Lily Potter, dump a load of owl droppings on James' head this morning. But get this, the droppings were that of James' own owl! That must have hurt James! Bad luck, you'll get her next time, won't he Miss Evans? "Not on your life or his Black!" quotes miss Lily.
We're only looking at couples within Hogwarts, what about those pairs that have left school? I'm obviously talking about our celebrated ex- Head Boy and Girl, Molly and Arthur Weasly. They graduated last year, and are expecting their first child. It's a boy, but the name is still undecided, they are having trouble choosing between Bill and Hezekiah. Congratulations Weaslys!
Know of any new swings or flings? Slip entries under the door of the Room of Requirement and we'll get back to you!
For Fun Page
Fact of the Day, By: Goldenheart
The average life expectancy of a toilet is 50 years.
Couple of the Week, By: Smartarse
This week's couple is Remus Lupin and Faran Carys. Both are blue-eyed, both have sandy hair; both are very sweet, both are shy. They are made for each other.
Have any suggestions as to the next couple of the week? Slip entries under the door to the Room of Requirement.
Daily Forecast, By: Astromagician
Skies are clear with the exception of an occasional passing fluffy cloud.
Comment from Sirius FLUFFY! * Twitch * * sucks thumb * * rocks back and forth *
Prank #176 from The Big Book of Marauder's Pranks
Cast an idol charm, the hated person will think you are his or her idol and kiss up to your every fancy. None other than the renowned Marauders have put this charm into use many times successfully. This charm is very effective, but wears off after 24 hours, and isn't as effective when cast a second time. If interested, cough up 7 sickles to the Marauders and they will teach you how to work the magic.
If you have any comments, suggestions, or ideas slip them under the door of the Room of Requirement. This has been our first issue of the Marauder Magazine, these are Marauders and friends, signing out for now.
Lupin smiled, he tossed the magazine back in the box, and shut it. He picked it up and carried it downstairs to where Harry was flipping through his photo album gloomily, no doubt thinking about Sirius. "Hey Harry! I've brought you something, you'll probably find amusing,"