This chapter might seem a little bizarre, but it was something that came to
me and the thing is, I think a big part of writing is taking risks &
putting yourself out there even if everyone doesn't like it. The more I
thought about it, the more this chapter made sense to me and seemed right
for Robert. So I hope you will enjoy it. Thanks very much to all of you
who have been reading & reviewing. Please remember to post your feedback.
I appreciate your sticking with me!
Somehow, Robert had found himself at the gravesite. There was a bench there and he sat down.
"I know you probably weren't expecting to see me here," he said. "Hope you like surprises." he hesitated. "This is so stupid," he said. "Sorry. I don't know what I'm doing here, only that I had to come here. You should be glad to see me. I'm sure you don't get that many visitors. No offense." he spread his arms wide. "Everyone's going around, living their lives..." he trailed off. "Hey, they think about you sometimes. I'm sure they do. Just not every minute. What did you expect? Come on, you weren't that interesting.
You and I weren't the best of friends," he said. "Or any sort of friends, for that matter. I know you didn't like me, but I didn't really like you either." He hesitated. "I never thought you were good for Elizabeth. I just hope you were good to her. She doesn't say much." he said, and shrugged. "Of course I'm not that objective about you two being together." he smiled. "I never did anything about it, though." He paused. "No, I never did. Honest. Hell, you're dead, and I'm trying to convince you I'm being honest with you. But this whole thing is kind of fucked-up, so I'll just go with it. It's true. Ask her. Well, you can't. But if you did, she'd tell you the truth, I never made a move on her, not the whole time you two were together. Hell, I even told her to go back to you when you guys were separated. Why did I do that? Hell if I know." There was silence. "Okay, maybe I do. Because she said she loved you, and I assume you loved her, and I do believe in love. There, I said it."
He shrugged. "I told her what she needed to hear," he said. "She would have gone back on her own anyway. Maybe she would have taken a little longer about it, and you guys would have lost a little time. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm not expecting a thank you or anything..." Pause. "Just some understanding."
He stared intensely at the grave. "I love her," he said. " I feel your disapproval. You think it doesn't haunt me?" he said angrily. "Well, it does. You think I'm not good enough for her, not as good as you. Yeah, okay, fine! Why should I care what you think? What your daughter thinks? I don't know. I just do. Okay, I said it. I do care. You can go roll in your grave about that. About the fact that I actually care." His voice started to catch and he pushed back a sob. "I care about her. It's not just about me. I care about her having some peace, and getting no guilt from you, from your daughter, from anyone who's gonna make her feel bad about this in some way. I do care. Because she's suffered enough. And if you don't think that I understand about that, well then, fuck you. Fuck you and what you think," he said, his eyes filled with tears. "You don't know a fucking thing about it. Because I want to spare her from more pain, and I will, if there's any way I can."
"We're going to be happy," he said. "I think I can do it, I'm not going to be afraid. I can do it. She and I. And there's nothing you can do about it. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole fucking life, and I'm not letting anyone screw it up. Okay? You're not going to screw it up for me. No fucking way." He paused. "I love her. Of course I do."
"Thanks for letting me talk," he said and smiled a little. "Not that you had much choice in it. Maybe you enjoyed having some company, even if it was me. If not, well, there's not much you can do about that either."
He got to his feet. "Okay, well, I'm going to get out of your hair." he paused. "Except you and I never had much of that," he smiled. "One of the only things we had in common. That, and the other thing. But she's the important one." He shrugged. "Maybe you can't respect me, and that's okay. I can't really ask that much of you, can I. You've been through a lot, we both have. So has she."
"So, rest in peace," he said gently. He turned away and started to leave, looked over his shoulder. "Bye."
Somehow, Robert had found himself at the gravesite. There was a bench there and he sat down.
"I know you probably weren't expecting to see me here," he said. "Hope you like surprises." he hesitated. "This is so stupid," he said. "Sorry. I don't know what I'm doing here, only that I had to come here. You should be glad to see me. I'm sure you don't get that many visitors. No offense." he spread his arms wide. "Everyone's going around, living their lives..." he trailed off. "Hey, they think about you sometimes. I'm sure they do. Just not every minute. What did you expect? Come on, you weren't that interesting.
You and I weren't the best of friends," he said. "Or any sort of friends, for that matter. I know you didn't like me, but I didn't really like you either." He hesitated. "I never thought you were good for Elizabeth. I just hope you were good to her. She doesn't say much." he said, and shrugged. "Of course I'm not that objective about you two being together." he smiled. "I never did anything about it, though." He paused. "No, I never did. Honest. Hell, you're dead, and I'm trying to convince you I'm being honest with you. But this whole thing is kind of fucked-up, so I'll just go with it. It's true. Ask her. Well, you can't. But if you did, she'd tell you the truth, I never made a move on her, not the whole time you two were together. Hell, I even told her to go back to you when you guys were separated. Why did I do that? Hell if I know." There was silence. "Okay, maybe I do. Because she said she loved you, and I assume you loved her, and I do believe in love. There, I said it."
He shrugged. "I told her what she needed to hear," he said. "She would have gone back on her own anyway. Maybe she would have taken a little longer about it, and you guys would have lost a little time. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm not expecting a thank you or anything..." Pause. "Just some understanding."
He stared intensely at the grave. "I love her," he said. " I feel your disapproval. You think it doesn't haunt me?" he said angrily. "Well, it does. You think I'm not good enough for her, not as good as you. Yeah, okay, fine! Why should I care what you think? What your daughter thinks? I don't know. I just do. Okay, I said it. I do care. You can go roll in your grave about that. About the fact that I actually care." His voice started to catch and he pushed back a sob. "I care about her. It's not just about me. I care about her having some peace, and getting no guilt from you, from your daughter, from anyone who's gonna make her feel bad about this in some way. I do care. Because she's suffered enough. And if you don't think that I understand about that, well then, fuck you. Fuck you and what you think," he said, his eyes filled with tears. "You don't know a fucking thing about it. Because I want to spare her from more pain, and I will, if there's any way I can."
"We're going to be happy," he said. "I think I can do it, I'm not going to be afraid. I can do it. She and I. And there's nothing you can do about it. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole fucking life, and I'm not letting anyone screw it up. Okay? You're not going to screw it up for me. No fucking way." He paused. "I love her. Of course I do."
"Thanks for letting me talk," he said and smiled a little. "Not that you had much choice in it. Maybe you enjoyed having some company, even if it was me. If not, well, there's not much you can do about that either."
He got to his feet. "Okay, well, I'm going to get out of your hair." he paused. "Except you and I never had much of that," he smiled. "One of the only things we had in common. That, and the other thing. But she's the important one." He shrugged. "Maybe you can't respect me, and that's okay. I can't really ask that much of you, can I. You've been through a lot, we both have. So has she."
"So, rest in peace," he said gently. He turned away and started to leave, looked over his shoulder. "Bye."