Chapter Eight
Dangers Untold
Erik
Perhaps I was just coming closer to paradise. I could almost feel it in the air around me. That's how I felt when Belle was with me. Weeks pasted by, and we spent most day with me playing my Don Juan and other things to her. She would sit in the Louis-Philippe room and listen to me play for hours. I would glance over and see her relaxing on the divan, her eyes closed. So much like an angel. She explained that she liked to close her eyes and imagine pictures or stories when I played. I reflected on those images she had recalled.
"When you play 'Don Juan' I see so many things inside my head Erik. It's like a kaleidoscope. Sometimes I see a grassy field at nighttime, or I see an empty hall in a deserted palace." She described one day
"What else do you see?" I asked intrigued
She sat up on her knees twirling a piece of her hair in her fingers. "Well I actually see ghosts. They look like people but I can see right through them, and they are always dancing or singing."
She certainly had an active imagination, but I never grew tired of her stories. She even looked at some of the lyrics I had written for my unfinished libretto and made suggestions for them, even rewriting some of them herself. She could become a gifted writer one day. During our time together we would share long conversations about politics, or literature over dinner. I felt myself able to be more open with her than I had with any one else. Before I had been so reserved not letting any one get to close, but now I felt changed. I left her a present in her room every morning and I continued to shower her with gifts, even though she had repeatedly told me she enjoyed my company better than any gift. Yet I had not been so blind not to notice she put out my roses by her bedside and wore the hair combs with pictures of doves carved into them almost every day. But I really gave her surprised when I return one evening with a simple square package wrapped in plain brown paper. She had been sitting in front of the mantel while a small fire blazed. She looked both intelligent and beautiful and I though of her as the Greek goddess Athena, or perhaps she was more like the heroine Psyche. She sat there sketching with charcoal, one of her frequent actives.
"Hello Erik how was your day?" she asked, motioning for me to come sit next to her. I shrugged off my cloak and sat down, hiding my present from her sight.
"It was a day, no much to say about it." I replied nonchalantly.
She grinned and then noticed I was holding my hands behind back. "What do you have there?" she asked.
I felt sly. "Oh it nothing you would be interested in. Just some book I picked up." She tucked in her lower lip and looked mischievously at me. Then she lunged at me, pushing me backward on the couch. She playfully tried to tickle me, but I managed to keep out of her reach.
"Erik, just let me see it!" she begged. I handed it to her and she opened it. In amazement she looked at the title of the book.
"For you." I had bought her a copy of the "Greatest Works of Greek Philosophers" hoping she would have an interest in it. She flipped through the pages in silence for a moment her mouth open in awe. "I hope you like it." Suddenly I felt her arms around my neck and she embraced me tightly. I was stunned but slowly let my torso and limbs relax enfolding her in my arms.
"Oh thank you! This is the best present ever!" she exclaimed. We held each other for a while; I was more overcome with by joy than she was. All that night we discussed Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" and later she requested me to read out loud sonnets and poems of Homer. It wasn't until later I had noticed she had fallen asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. I allowed myself to stroke her soft hair, feeling it's marvelous texture flowing through my fingers. I carried her to the bedroom, letting her rest in a more comfortable and fitting place to sleep. Paradise.
How soon it would quickly end.
I had discovered that while my company was welcomed, Belle was more than capable of entertaining herself. Some days we would not see each other until dinner. But it didn't bother me too much; it gave us time to be alone. There were some things in both our lives especially mine that were meant to be private. One afternoon, I was in my chambers working at organ. I felt like I needed to change some of the pieces of Don Juan give them a different mood. I was a duet and I wanted for the both of us to sing it later. I forgot that I had not locked the door. When I paused, I heard the door creak open very loudly. I turned quickly on the bench to face it, a hand naturally flying to my face to check my mask. Belle stood in the doorway looking confused and embarrassed as if she didn't mean to push the door.
"What are you doing here?" I asked shocked
She played with her hands and kept her head lowered. "I wanted to hear you play. May I come in?"
I glanced around the room. "I rather wish you wouldn't." I confessed
"But please. I haven't seen you play the organ before." She pleaded. The room wasn't lit very brightly only a few candles illumining the organ and the music stand. My coffin bed, torn curtains and other ghastly attire of my lair where under the safe cover of darkness. I walked to her and took her hand leading her inside. She tried to see through the darkness and her eyes darted in a frighten anxiety.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm fine." She said with a slight stammer. I could tell she was lying and immediately regretted her decision. I shouldn't have let her in, I should have just asked her politely to leave, deny her reason to enter. But it was too late now. I offered her a seat on the far corner of the bench and then sat back down. "What where you playing Erik?"
"One of the duets." I replied. "Would you like to hear some?" I wanted to satisfy her request only so much so she would feel content and leave. She nodded in agreement and I took off playing the thunderous entrance to the songs. I felt trapped enclosed as if the chords issuing form the organ were shaking the very walls. She watched my every moment, still mesmerized. With an uncertain vibrato in my voice I started on the opening phrase of lyrics bringing the accompaniment to a dull mezzo piano.
"The fairest rose of Eden vine
Cannot compare to you.
My heart overflowth
By the mercy of your hands
Fill me with your love
Fill me with your love"
It was a love song, one that Belle had created new lyrics for. A love song, but it was tainted for in the score Don Juan was singing it to woo one of his conquests. It was a song of lust and seduction. My fingers started to shake and I stopped not daring to start and I stopped playing not daring to start the next phrase, the female solo. Then I noticed that Belle had moved closer to me on the bench, our shoulders touching. She was so warm and I thought how soft her skin must feel beneath her gown. Immediately I ordered myself to stop such lustful desires before they caused me to lose control.
But she started to move closer. She reached a hand in front of my face, placing it on the music. She moved forward to read it, her hair inches under my nose. I breathed in her scent, intoxicated. She turned to face me her crystal blue eyes sparkling at me, her pale pink lips parted slightly. She looked so inviting.
"When a woman has seen me as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me forever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know?"
Again the hideous words of my past haunted me. I saw this innocent girl turn into Christine before my eyes, my unfortunate tormenter. She starred at me curious and puzzled, as is she had no clue how she was effecting me. Possessed by my willing desire, I embraced her in my arms, letting her torso and head lean back. She gave a small gasp but did not protest. She lifted a hand to touch my neck and the bottom side of my face. "Erik?" she asked
"Forgive me." I breathed. Then leaning slowly down, I pressed my lips gently on her left cheek. I savored the warm soft feeling of her flesh against mine and I tried to keep myself from shaking. After a few seconds, I knew I should have pulled away, but instead I pressed harder, breathing her in. She didn't stop me.
Then suddenly I felt a pair of fingers slip under my mask that were not my own! I felt my mask start to lift off my face. I opened my eyes in horror to see Belle trying to peer through the darkness to make out my features. My impulses took over and I shoved her away from me, simultaneously moving backward into the darkness. She lost her balance and fell off the bench, landing hard on the floor. My hands fumbled to tie my mask but no my face. She gave me a look of shock, but I could only feel was anger and betrayal. She tried to pull herself up, and I could see a small bruise forming on her arm. "I just wanted to see…" she pleaded.
My mask was now finally secured to my face, and I prayed that she didn't see even a glance of my disfigurements. I backed away further into the darkness, my arms folded across my chest. "You will never know." I growled deep in my throat.
She stretched her arms to me tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? You are sorry?" I challenged. "You have no idea…" I lost myself. I ran towards the organ and slammed my fists on it, letting sour notes issue forth. "Get out!" I shouted. Candles rolled from the organ, onto to the floor. Her eyes followed in horror and the candles spun and illumined parts of the room. The dreadful coffin that lay in the corner now flickered into sight. She gasped and sobbed, finally getting to her feet and running to the door. The echoing of those footsteps and the sound of her sobs torn my heart in pieces. I fell to my knees and curled up on the floor. What had I done? I lay there for endless moments. I would never forget the sound of her tears, just when I promised I would never want to see her shed tears again.
But it wasn't to compare with the sound of the cold splash I heard minutes later. I rushed to my feet and ran out. That sound had come from the lake. Damn me, what had I done now to compound my error? I came to the edge of the lake; the coldness of the water was even in the air itself. I glanced around for her, calling her name into the darkness. Then I noticed a splash of color in the darkness and then I saw here. Before she sank under the water.
I drove into the dark depths, the icy cold water stingy my body like a thousand knives. But I paid no heed to it. I only prayed I could reach her in time.