Chapter Eleven
To Want and Reach, But Cannot Have
Belle
I felt my sisters run and embrace me. I was completely shocked to see them. When I had left them, they had been simply poor peasants like the rest of my family, but now they should before me dressed in such finery, but they were mostly likely wondering the same thing about me. I tried to look around me but could not see Erik anywhere. He had been swept away in the crowd and I could not even make out the color of his dark magician cloak. "Oh Belle, My darling little sister!" Marie cried, even though I knew from my past Marie could make herself weep in an attempt to overact occasionally. "We thought we never see you again."
"And why was that?" I asked
Clara clasped her hands together. "Oh we thought you would be a prisoner forever. Or worse even killed."
"Well you can see I'm still here. But why are you here? What's going on at home?" I wondered. Immediately I saw both their faces drop, in genuine disappointment. I could tell that the news they were concealing at my question was not pleasant. "What's wrong?"
"Belle, it's doesn't matter, all that's matters as that you're alive and you need to come home with us." Clara said trying to brush me off. "Come I'll call our coachman right now." she grabbed my arm and started to pull me away. But I yanked out of her grip.
"No tell me what's wrong now, or I won't go! Why are you in all these fancy dresses and where is Papa?" I demanded.
"Papa is sick." Marie said quietly behind me. I turned to face her and she turned her eyes downcast, her red curls casting shadows over her forehead. " You see Belle, one of mother's uncles found us and took us in. But by that time Papa had gotten very sick. He's been lying in bed for days, and he's been calling out for you. Aunt Estelle brought us to the ball tonight, and Papa was so delirious he asked us to look for you and bring you back home." My sister tried to force a smile on her face. "How happy he will be to see you."
My stomach dropped in shock and disbelief. I had been gone no lest than two months and my family had already come back into wealth. And my father was sick. I did not believe my sisters had come to the party just in search of me, I knew them too well. They were too ecstatic about becoming rich to care for the welfare of others. I tried to turn my thought to something else, like which uncle had taken my family in. But all I could think about was my father.
Sick, he could be dying and he thought I must be dead as well. Oh what had I done to him? I was so wrapped up in trying to make myself happy and content with Erik and I had forgotten all about him. My papa needed me, and I should have tried to escape to him earlier or better yet not leave home at all. "Oh Belle please say you will some home with us?" Clara begged. I stood there for another long silent moment perfectly still. I felt torn apart. I just couldn't leave Erik but I would die if I couldn't be with my father. When I saw the tears fall from my face, I knew then what my decision had to be.
"Yes, I'll come home." I managed to choke out. I felt Clara give me a light hug as Marie's eyes darted to the door.
"Then let's go. There isn't a moment to lose."
"No wait!" I protested. "There is someone I have to say goodbye too first." I rushed back into the crowd, clawing my way though trying to find Erik. I brushed my tears away but with every one I erased a fresh new one fell. I finally caught sight of him, standing in a corner looking rather melancholy. He fidgeted with the tie of his cloak and glanced around the room. I went beside him and gently tapped his arm. He snapped his gaze downward to me.
"Oh there you are." He exclaimed relief. "Is everything all right?" I stared up at him, my mind went blank and then the next moment raged with thoughts and regret.
" Erik…I" I was losing my words inside my mouth. "Can we go somewhere to talk…alone perhaps? There is something I need to tell you."
Erik
Each candle or lamp shining through the crack of windows each produced a pinpoint of light scattering across the Paris skyline. The sight of the city at night was truly was a spectacle to behold from atop the opera roof. But such as the wind blew uncertain through the fold of my cloak, not all was right in the surroundings. Belle leaned against one of the stone banisters, staring out into the night sky, but it looked like her whole body was shaking all over though she tried to hide it. "It's so beautiful up here." She offered a break in the silence with her words. "Are you sure no one will find us here?"
"Not a soul." I replied glancing up to the statue of Apollo, his lyre casting shadows over the night. This had been the same spot where Christine and her lover Raoul had crept away, making plans to abandon me, and I sat, listening to the whole thing. Quite ironic that I was here again ready to expose myself to more secrets. For I was sure that was what Belle was with holding from me. I came and stood beside her, letting my elbows rest against the stones. I saw her face, two streams of tears falling from her eyes. "Belle, what's the matter?" I asked laying a hand on her shoulder. She lost control and flung herself into my arms sobbing.
"Oh Erik. My father is sick. He might die." She moaned between her tears. "I'm so afraid for him." She took a slow deep breath in an attempt to calm her but she still shook fiercely. "I don't want to ask this of you Erik, but I'm afraid I must." She took a step back so that she could lift her head. Her blue eyes looked like broken bits of glass. "Erik please may I go home? Just to see my father, I mean just till he becomes well again. That's all I'm asking for." She pleaded.
My mind screamed no as the words rushed through my being in protest. But I did not speak them. This can't be happening, not now! She had seemed so happy here with me, completely content. I had tried to make her forget all the troubles of the world, and I had started to believe that I had finally found a person who could see me, as I truly was, who understood me. I didn't want to let that go, or it would be gone forever. Belle was so special to me; I could never find another person like her if I search for a hundred years. I realized that I had started to embrace here tightly as if she would try and run away. No she couldn't leave I wouldn't let her. I had lost Christine; I wouldn't be left alone again.
I felt a small salty tears escape from my eye and trickle underneath my mask. No I couldn't do that. I would truly be a monster. She had already left her father on my account and now I was preventing her once again. I had no right to do that. No I couldn't keep her prisoner here any longer. I should have let her go a long time ago, spare us both the pain. I let my masked cheek rest against the top her hair, the cold thin layer of porcelain separating my flea from touching her. "How did you find out he was ill?" I asked
"My sisters are here tonight. They told me." She explained. "Erik I will come back, I promise! I just didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. You must believe me, I will return." But with those words she had already sealed her fate. I turned my head away to gaze out at the night sky. Poor girl, she didn't know she stood in a place of broken promises and her vow to return was exactly that, a broken promise. Christine had promised to return to by house by the lake many times and even though she did return she was in secret planning her escape with her vitcomte. Yes I would let Belle go, knowing that I would be alone forever.
"Yes you must go." I whispered. She looked up at me in shock.
" I'm free to leave?" she asked unsure
"Yes go to your father. He nneds you." I replied softly trying to not to look at her tear stained face. I just stared into the darkness trying to forget. I felt one of her hand reach to touch my mask, turning my head to gaze back in her direction.
"Thank you for understanding how much he needs me." She said as she fluttered her eyes open and close. But I need you just as much I wanted to scream, my hands shaking. I wanted to block out her words in fact cover my lips over hers so she couldn't speak them. I was frozen. "You truly are an angel." Quickly I took her hand from my face holding it before her in my open palm. I slipped off my onyx and silver ring from my little finger and place it on her index finger.
"This is for you, so you can always remember me." I said shaky. I brought her hand back to my mask covering it with my own. Then I pulled her even closer, planting a firm kiss on her forehead. Remember me. Don't leave me. I love you. All these words I wanted to scream, but I kept myself silent rocking her in my arms. Tears issued from my mask and as I pulled away I saw that I had left my own tears on her face and mingled with her own. The sight of it was too much for me to take in and I turned away from her my hands covering my face. I heard her sweet voice behind me.
"Goodbye Erik." She whispered. I heard her small footsteps clicking on the stones as she walked away. My body shook with madness ready to tear away, stop her and keep her by my side forever. Why not? I was no real man, only a beast, a heartless creature who wanted to keep his prized pet caged forever. I was the master is Christine's soul, why could I not control Bell's as well? Why was everything I loved was taken away from me, leaving me with only hate in sorrow.
"Stay" I whispered.
I turn in the direction she left, seeing nothing behind me. Not even a trace acknowledging she had even been there. I gazed up at the statue of Apollo seeing shadows of my former self. Watching from underneath the lyre, my eyes glowed like a demon, frightening Christine. I forced myself not to think of the past, and if I could try not tot think of anything at all, to have my mind draw a complete blank. It was a useless attempt of my own. I let my fingers brush against the cold stonewall, my knuckles scrapping on the rough bits of mortar. I looked down from the roof to the street below seeing a large carriage bathed in light from the large windows.
"Stay with me, please." I begged again into the darkness.
I saw the fleeting figure in red run to the awaiting carriage. Belle was embraced by two other women and then stepped inside. I could make out that she was looked outside the small window but I didn't know if she was gazing at the lights of the party or up into the darkness at me. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. I saw the carriage roll away until it was out of my sight.
With a violence temperament I squeezed my hands into tight fists and slammed them across the roof and threw my head back, screaming into the night.
"STAY!"