Budding

Chapter Nineteen

Sara had to admit to herself that she was jealous of Catherine and Warrick's relationship. She was also jealous of the fact that Catherine was expecting and the woman was almost forty. Grissom had not talked to her much since their last date, and it made her angry and green with envy.

Catherine was absolutely glowing. She was entering her fourth month of pregnancy, and she was starting to show. She had a distinct pooch and she was nicknamed "Pudgy" by Greg and Nick because of her tummy. Or, sometimes they would call her "Itchy" because she was constantly scratching her growing belly. Sara did not take part in this teasing; she avoided Catherine a lot, and Catherine looked hurt every time she offered to help with a case.

Seeing Catherine in her delicate condition made Sara rethink what she really wanted in her life. All she wanted was to be happy. She didn't want to be the same old Sara anymore; her life had become monotonous and routine. She wanted so much more, and she was afraid that Grissom could not give that to her.

Yes, it was definitely time to go.

***

Catherine threw down the paint brush and stretched.

Since she was only working three days a week now, she had plenty of time to work on the house. Warrick called every second it seemed like, just to make sure that she was okay.

He had become a little overprotective ever since he started reading manuals about pregnancy and birth. He almost couldn't handle the details, and he "accident proofed" the entire house for Catherine. He constantly got on Lindsay for leaving things on the stairs and not wiping up something she spilled on the kitchen floor. He would always say, "Your mama's body isn't as strong as it used to be, so we have to help her out a little. Mind yourself."

He became concerned about what was in the paint products, and they spent an entire day looking for lead free and odor free paint. All Catherine could do was shake her head at her worrisome husband.

Every morning when he came home from work, he would pull her night shirt up and feel her belly then he would kiss it and then her forehead as she slept. Sleeping had become difficult. Lately, she had been suffering from insomnia, and she ended up walking around the house all night, fixing this or that, paying a bill or two, painting a wall or two, and eating a meal or two or three. Warrick had expressed his concern over that as well, and she just sighed and shook her head.

Sometimes, she would wake him up in the middle of the night when he was off and send him to the grocery store to retrieve more asparagus and Ben & J's ice cream.

She stared at the red rust color on the wall of the study. She really liked that color, and it soothed her. She looked at her watch and saw that it was time to pick up Lindsay.

She prayed that there wasn't a parent/teacher meeting this afternoon because she looked a mess with her one size fits all shirt, clinging to the slight curve of her belly and too big overalls that made her look fatter than what she really was. Her hair was put up sloppily with a butterfly clip and it was frizzy. She had not dyed her hair since she found out that she was pregnant; she thought that it was bad for the baby, and Warrick asked her not to because he liked her red hair.

She drove down to Lindsay's school and parked in a parking space and waited for her. Catherine became hungry all of a sudden, and she had a taste for salad. A fresh garden salad with raisins, tomato, pecans, cucumber, cheese, some red grapes, croutons, chunks of chicken, and some corn, topped with peach juice. She made herself hungrier thinking about it.

She finally saw Lindsay running toward the car, and Catherine unlocked the door.

"Hi mommy," Lindsay said happily.

"Hey sweetie," Catherine said with a smile. "How was school?"

"It was good," Lindsay said. "I told all my friends about my little brother or sister."

"That's good baby," Catherine said. "Do you want to eat out tonight?"

"Yeah," Lindsay said. "Do you have another craving mama?"

"Yes," Catherine said apologetically.

Catherine and Warrick had discussed trying to actually cook meals instead of getting fast food. Warrick was an excellent cook, and Catherine…she was one step up from a frozen dinner, which wasn't half bad. They only went out when she had a craving like this afternoon.

They went to a buffet and Catherine indulged her craving.

***

Sara stared at the application for a moment. It was laying ever so neatly upon his desk, on top of a small stack of papers. This time, she didn't need a signature.

Their first date wasn't bad at all…in fact it was quite romantic. After the date however, she didn't know what happened. They just stopped talking and that was it. He didn't even bother to call her or offer her out on another date. Sara wasn't sure how much longer she could take his mistreatment of her. She was sure that there was life outside of her world that was Grissom. In her heart she felt love, in her mind she felt stupid.

She turned and walked out of the office.

When she got to her apartment, she immediately took her medication. This time she took three Zoloft pills instead of the prescribed one. She wanted to feel better and fast. She didn't want to wait for it to take its effect.

She was definitely going. There was no turning back this time because she had her bags packed and there were boxes stacked around her small apartment. In a few days, she would be back in San Francisco and she would be happy again. Grissom would be a part of her past and she figured she would eventually get over him.

Over the last twenty minutes, she'd gone from one emotional extreme to another; one moment she was numb to the idea of leaving, the next she was bawling, now she found herself oddly grieving.

She sat upon her couch and let the tears fall silently down her face. She was fighting a losing battle. The pain was acute and apparent. She never knew that love could hurt so bad yet feel so good.

There was a knock at the door, and she got up the will to go answer it.

"Grissom?" She asked in a shaky, fragile voice.

He could see the tears and the hurt in her eyes; the utter pain that she was going through. He had never seen Sara so heart broken before and he knew that it was because of him. He noticed that she was obviously serious about leaving. He could see the boxes.

She wiped her tears and gathered her pride.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"Because I don't want you to leave," he said.

Sara huffed and began to shut the door on him, but he used his shoe as a stopper.

"Just leave me alone Grissom!" She shouted tearfully. "I get it okay? You don't have to keep reminding me! You don't love me, we'll never work out, and you're sorry!"

She tried to close the door again, but he ended up pushing his way through by accident.

Sara faced him with tears in her eyes.

He took her by the arms and pulled her to him and he gave her a deep, sensual kiss.

Sara tried to push him away, but his hold on her was strong; both in the physical sense and spiritual sense.

She gave into him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him harder. They pulled away when they found that they could barely breathe.

"Why have you been running away from me?" She whispered tearfully.

"Because I'm afraid of you," he answered honestly. "The love that I feel for you…it's so strong and real. I've never felt this way about anyone before in my life. You have changed my life in so many ways. I can't even think straight now because I know that I'm working with you, in the same building with you. You're so beautiful and intelligent and I know that I can't make up for the last few years of your life, but I'm going to try and make you happy," he paused to wipe a tear from her face. "That's if you'll allow me."

Sara let a tear escape again as she lightly caressed the nape of his neck.

"Yes," she whispered bringing her body closer to his. "Make me happy."

With that, she kissed him again more lustfully and there was no more conversation for the rest of the night.