So I've finally updated.
I don't own this, JKR does. There are a few obligatory Buffy references. Blame Nat.
But don't hate her, because we love her for betaing this.
I'm sorry it took so long. Blame Drew, again.
I love reviews. And my reviewers. Please review.
So this is the second to last chapter of the story, I think. The next chapter will have instructions on where to go for the sequel(s). Look for that.
I think this is all for now
*****
"Expecto Patronum will create a patronus which wards off dementors. The three Unforgivable curses are the Avada Kedavra, also known as the killing curse, the Cruciatus, and the Imperius. The killing curse causes instant death upon hitting its intended target. The only person known to have survived the killing curse is Harry Potter. This happened on October 31, 1981 and only after his parents, James and Lily Potter had fallen victim to the curse as cast by Lord You-Know-Who."
"HERMIONE!" Harry cried. The girl paused in her recitation and looked at the boy.
"Who is your best friend?" Harry questioned. Hermione rubbed her eyes with the back of her right hand before blinking twice at the boy.
"You and Ron," she finally replied.
"And what's my name?" Harry asked.
"Harry Potter," Hermione replied. She glanced down nervously at her parchment.
"Yeah, I think I know my personal history," Harry laughed. "Rant about something else that will do us all some good." Hermione nodded furiously and looked back to her parchment.
"The Cruciatus curse causes intense pain in its victims. English settlers first used it in early America to help the English move the Native Americans from the land. The Imperius causes the victim to come under complete control of the spell's caster. Of the three Unforgivables, this is the only one that can be fought by the victim, though fighting the curse takes extreme mind control."
"Hey wait," Harry interrupted again.
"What now?" Hermione questioned.
"I win," Harry announced.
"You win?" Ron questioned, quirking an eyebrow at his friend.
"Yep. I've been subjected to all three and am still here to tell about it!" Harry said with a smile. "I win." He rolled over on his back and looked up at his friends from his position on the floor in front of the fire. Ron lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, and Hermione paced behind one of the armchairs. Her parchment rested on the back of the chair, so if she didn't pace too far, she could still read to the boys.
"Do you think you're ready? I think we should go ahead down so we can get good seats," Hermione said, sliding her notes back into a thick stack of parchment.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Ron announced. He slowly sat up and lowered his feet to the floor, stretching his arms over his head as he did.
"Let's go kick some O.W.L.'s arse!" Harry cried, springing to his feet.
"Do you both have your wands and your number two quills and ink?" Hermione questioned. She pulled a thin elastic from her wrist and quickly twisted her hair into a thick ponytail at the base of her neck.
"Check, Check and check!" Harry declared.
"Harry man, calm yourself!" Ron said. "We're getting ready to take a test, not play quidditch or snog our girlfriends."
"But Ron, it's our defense O.W.L. If we have a chance of passing any of them, it's this one!" Harry declared. He started towards the portrait hole with an odd spring to his step.
"Ron, have you been practicing your cheering charms again?" Hermione questioned. She tossed her bag over her shoulder and started after Harry. Ron stumbled to his feet and followed Hermione.
"Charms isn't until Friday. I suspect I'll start practicing on Thursday. Wednesday night if you're lucky," Ron said.
"RON!" Hermione screeched. Ron shrugged sheepishly.
"If I study too early, I'll forget," he admitted. Hermione shook her head and crawled through the portrait hole.
*****
"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Justin cried. He trailed behind Hannah and Ernie as the Hufflepuff trip made their way towards the great hall.
"What now, Finch-Fletchley?" Ernie snapped.
"Which curses are most effective on kappas versus hinkypunks versus grindylows and why the hell are they studied in Defense Against the Dark Arts and not Care of Magical Creatures?" Justin asked.
"Do you really wanna keep a Red Cap as a pet?" Ernie questioned.
"What's a Red Cap?" Justin wailed.
"Justin, stop worrying!" Hannah insisted. "It's not going to be that bad!"
"Easy for you to say," Justin muttered. "You and your best friend are shagging the Defense Against the Dark Arts poster boy and his side kick of a best friend."
"JUSTIN!" Hannah screeched. "Harry and I are not shagging!" Justin looked at his best female friend through wide eyes before turning on his heel and stomping towards the other end of the hall. When he was a significant distance from Hannah and Ernie, he tossed his hands over his head and shrieked loudly.
*****
"PADMA!! MORAG!!!" Mandy screeched. She tumbled out of the fifth year girls' dorm room and into the stiff, navy, royal, and bronze Ravenclaw common room.
"SSSSSHHHHHHHH!" Hissed the collection of people gathered around studying.
"Shove off," Mandy told them. "Now tell me where Padma and Morag are!" A tiny first year jerked his left thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the far wall.
"PADMA AND MORAG!" Mandy cried.
"BROCKLEHURST!" Ryan Kern shouted from the opposite corner. "If you don't shut your mouth, I'm taking off points."
"Gee, head boy! I'd care if I wasn't about to fail my Defense O.W.L. and if we hadn't already lost to Gryffindor and Slytherin by nearly 200 points," Mandy replied.
"Brocklehurst," Ryan warned. Mandy scrambled around a couch in the corner and plopped herself directly between its two occupants. She crossed her right leg over her left knee and placed her right hand on her right knee.
"So tell me ladies," she said, placing the heel of her left hand on her right wrist and lacing her fingers down through each other. "What is the incantation for the Invisible Bonds Charm? Because I know with a fair amount of certainty that it isn't ego amo Ron Weasley."
*****
The large iron chandelier in the middle of the common room swung wildly, almost hitting the ceiling on either side. The candles had fallen out of their holders and crashed onto the chairs below, showering Keiran and Theodore with bits of wax and entire candles. The reason for the chandelier's wild flight hung heavily to one side in the form of one Blaise Zabini. The back of his robes was caught on the edge of the chandelier and he hung limply towards the ground. Anyone else in his predicament would have been screaming their head off, but not Blaise. No, not Blaise. Simply because Blaise didn't have a mouth.
Millicent stood in one corner with both hands and her forehead against the wall. She leaned heavily on her hands, and closer inspection of her legs revealed that they were bending towards the wall. She stood with her left leg straight, and her right leg bent at a 90 degree angle at the knee, resting on the wall a meter below her hands.
Pansy sat against one couch. Her feet were drawn towards her and her elbows rested on her knees. In her hands she held long strands of blonde hair. Her hair that had ended just above her waist a mere 20 minutes before. Now the first layer ended just at her chin and the second just below her ears.
Crabbe and Goyle stood in a corner near Millicent. Crabbe was perfectly still and resting in the corner, unable to move. His eyes rolled wildly in their sockets, showing that he'd fallen victim to a body bind. Goyle leaned against the wall next to Crabbe. His legs barely supported his portentous bulk. They wobbled back and forth, and Goyle only remained upright because he had braced himself against the wall and Crabbe.
Taylor lay unconscious in a pile relatively near Pansy and the couch. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth, but it looked like no human tongue should. It had turned a sickly green shade with grayish-olive scales. The tip was honed to a fine point, giving her tongue the appearance of horn.
Karen lay next to Taylor, glaring stonily upwards. She had thin, willowy plants sprouting from her ears. They hung down nearly to her elbows. She, like Blaise, lacked a mouth and, unlike Blaise, her left eye was frozen in a crossed position.
Draco stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by his fallen classmates. He twirled his wand skillfully through his fingers and looked at the chaos. He ran his hand over his hair and finally spoke.
"Who's next? I'm not done practicing," he said.
"This isn't practice," Pansy muttered from her seat on the floor.
"Sure it is," Draco replied. "I've practiced the Dark Arts, and it looks like the rest of you are going to fail. Your defense stinks worse than Warrington. Now then, who's next? I've got more to practice."
"So do I," Pansy muttered, glaring up at Draco. "It's called the Castration Curse."
*****
In 1000 words or less explain how Harry Potter killed Voldemort.
Harry had to hold in a laugh as he read the essay question. He gripped his quill tighter and touched the tip to the parchment. He quickly wrote "he didn't die," and leaned back in his chair.
"That's less than 1000 words," he laughed to himself.
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If faced with a dementor, what would you do to save yourself?
The quill trembled in Goyle's fist and he dragged his other pudgy hand across his sweaty forehead. He finally settled on an answer and slammed the tip of the quill to the test parchment. The sharp point dug a small hole in the test sheet before he began writing, "Throw Vince in its way, run, and hope Drayco no's the incan incu spell to make it go away."
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What is the proper way to subdue a full grown Mountain Troll?
Ron pushed his hair back from his forehead and smirked down at his test book. He picked up his quill and began to write.
"In my experience, the best way to subdue a Mountain Troll is to stuff something approximately the size of a wand up the animals left nostril. While the troll is busy trying to clear out his nose, take the opportunity to levitate something large and heavy over the trolls head and allow it to crash down. This should effectively knock the troll unconscious, If this doesn't work for you, my only advice is then to run."
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Discuss briefly the proper steps to take to banish a boggart.
"First, you should approach the boggart with a large group of people. This confuses the boggart and it doesn't know what to turn into. When it was my turn to face the boggart, I'd wait until the boggart turned into my biggest fear. Then I would imagine the Professor- Snape-like boggart wearing my grandmother's clothes and say "Riddikulus!" After enough people did this, the boggart would be reduced to a silver mist, effectively banishing the boggart.
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Explain the difference between kappas, Red Caps, grindylows, and hinkypunks and the best spells to use in controlling each.
Justin slammed his quill down on his paper and sprung to his feet. He hurried out of the Great Hall and into the entrance hall. Every fifth year in Hogwarts heard the scream he released.
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"I didn't think that was nearly as bad as it could have been," Hermione said. She quickly took another bite of crumpet and looked imploringly across the table at Ron and Harry.
"246 multiple choice questions, 56 matching, 127 true or false, 25 short answer and five essays and it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, she says," Ron muttered, glaring at Harry.
"I thought there were 248 multiple choice," Harry replied, smirking at his friend.
"249, actually," Hermione corrected. Both boys glared at her. She shrugged. "We've still got the practical to take."
"SSHHHHHH!" Harry and Ron hissed. "Let's not talk about that," Harry added.
"What spells do you think will be tested on the practical?" Hermione ignored her friends.
"This one," Ron muttered, pulling out his wand. He pointed it at Hermione and whispered, "Silencio."
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"Good news!" Pansy announced, sliding into her seat next to Draco at the Slytherin table.
"What?" Draco asked.
"Four different boys have commented on my new haircut and another two have asked if they could owl me over the summer, and none of them have been gross," Pansy said.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Draco questioned.
"It means I'm not going to have to castrate you after all," Pansy replied.
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"Come on Madame Pomfrey! You've got to let Justin come with us!" Hannah whined. She tucked a strand of honey blonde hair behind her ear and looked earnestly up at the hospital matron.
"He really does probably need to take the practical section of his Defense O.W.L." Ernie reasoned. Madame Pomfrey stood in front of the pair of Hufflepuffs and Mandy, blocking their entrance to the hospital wing. She stared down at the trio through round glasses with an amused look on her face.
"He's not really crazy!" Hannah insisted. "There was just this question that reminded him of Mandy and."
"HANNAH!" Mandy screeched.
"Eew," Ernie muttered under his breath. Hannah clamped her hand over her mouth and turned wide blue eyes back to her friends.
"I'm quiet now," she whispered.
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"Alright," Professor Dumbledore said. He stood at the doors to the great hall facing an entrance hall filled with anxious fifth years. He raised both of his hands a small distance above his head and the nervous chatter quieted. "You will begin the practical section of your Defense O.W.L. very shortly. The Board of Education and Testing has prepared a very interesting practical for you all."
"Interesting?" Draco snorted from the back of the crowd. He sat on the left side on the bottom of the main staircase's banister. "Pardon me, Professor Dumbledore, but I think you underestimate all of our stamina for academia, except for perhaps Granger's."
"Thank you Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore nodded at the blonde prefect. "But anyway, the practical will consist of a set of 36 stations. You will enter one at a time and spend five minutes at each station before continuing on to the next. For each station, you will perform one skill we've learned in class. Some of these will require you to perform the skill multiple times so that the tester will see that you are proficient. The 36th station will be an extra credit skill that we only briefly studied in class. So I ask, are you ready for the exam?"
"Yes," a few people chorused. That group consisted of mostly Ravenclaws. Most of the other students nodded. Neville and Justin both trembled slightly, neither admitting readiness.
"Alright then. The name of the person whose turn it is to enter will appear above the door. Hannah Abbott, you're up first! Good luck!" Dumbledore said. He turned and disappeared through the door into the Great Hall.
"Good luck," Harry echoed. He brushed a kiss on Hannah's cheek and she turned and followed Dumbledore.
"I've thought of one I didn't practice!" Draco announced from his perch on the banister. "Any volunteers?"
"NO!" chorused the Slytherins.
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"I am going to release a creature momentarily. The speed and effectiveness of how you deal with it will determine your score on this station. Are you ready?" a short witch with curly graying-brown hair asked Hannah. Hannah nodded slightly and held her wand out in front of her. The witch reached behind her and flipped the clasp on a glass case. A moment later, an electric blue Cornish Pixie zoomed into view.
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"What exactly do you want, Hermione?" Ron questioned. Hermione gave Ron's sleeve one more vicious tug before looking up at him. She had been pulling at his sleeve relentlessly for the previous few minutes. When Ron's eyes met hers, she began pointing furiously at her mouth.
"Oh, right," Ron laughed, pulling his wand from his pocket. "You need your voice back."
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The tiny blue pixie fluttered into view. Draco watched it for a moment before his seeker's reflexes kicked in. With one quick motion, his hand shot out and he caught the small creature tight in his left hand. He grasped its feet in his right and quickly let go of the pixie with his left. Before the pixie could react to being suddenly mostly free, Draco transferred it to his left hand and swung it towards the partition dividing the first station from the second. The pixie cracked into the partition with a satisfying thwack. Draco swung it twice more before the creature fell suitably limp. He dangled it by its feet and held it towards the test proctor.
"Here you go," he said. "How did I do?"
"No points, Mr. Malfoy," the lady replied.
"No points!" Draco screeched. "What do you mean no points?"
"No points," the lady repeated. "You didn't use magic."
"You never said I had to use magic," Draco objected, brandishing the unconscious pixie at the woman. "You said to deal with the creature quickly and effectively, which I did." The witch shrugged.
"I followed the directions explicitly! If you think you're going to get away with not giving me any points on this section, I do believe you have another think coming."
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Malfoy?" the witch asked.
"No, I'm inviting you to tea tomorrow afternoon," Draco deadpanned. "What does it sound like? Of course I'm threatening you! If you don't give me points just because you can't write directions, I'll have Lucius Malfoy to the Board of Education office faster than Longbottom can screw up a potion."
"Well, let me consult the guideline book momentarily to see what it says about the non-use of magic," the witch pulled a thick book off the table behind her and flipped it to a section near the front. She produced a pair of thin reading glasses from her pocket and held them to her face. Draco, still holding the pixie, crossed his arms across his chest and glared at the woman as she looked.
"Alright Mr. Malfoy, it says nothing about what specific spells you are to use, and in fact suggests giving extra points for creativity. As you were the fastest, most efficient and most creative student of the day, I suppose you get full points plus two." The bell rang signaling a station change. Draco headed out of the enclosure.
"Mr. Malfoy," the witch called. He paused and turned to look at her. "May I have my pixie back?"
%%%%%
Neville stepped into the enclosure and faced a tall man with thinning blonde hair. Without warning, the man pulled a wand and muttered "Stupefy." Neville's blue eyes opened wider and the spell struck him in the center of his chest. He crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.
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"The object is to drink the potion that will allow you to walk through the fire without being burned," a short witch who looked startlingly like Professor Sprout told Hermione. She handed the young witch a thin scrap of parchment. Hermione studied the line of seven bottles on the table before her. All were different sizes and shapes. A fire sprang up behind the table with a great gust of wind. Hermione shook her head and looked at the paper. It contained a poem of sorts. She quickly scanned over it.
Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind, Two of us will help you, whichever you would find One among us seven will let you move ahead, Another will transport the drinker back instead, Two among our number hold only nettle wine, Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line. Choose, unless you wish to stay here forevermore, To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four: First however slyly the poison tries to hide You will always find some on nettle wine's left side; But if you would move onwards, neither is your friend; Third, as you see clearly, all are different size Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides; Fourth, the second left and the second on the right Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight.
Hermione shook her head at the paper and chuckled loudly.
"Is their something you find funny Miss Granger?" the witch asked. Hermione shrugged and reached for the bottle third from the left. She flipped the stopper off with her thumb and threw back the contents of the bottle. She swallowed and wiped her mouth off dramatically with the sleeve of her robe. The witch's mouth dropped open as she watched the teenager step confidently around the table and through the fire.
"How was that?" Hermione questioned.
"Brilliant! How did you do that?" the witch asked. Hermione shrugged.
"Encountered and solved the same problem as a first year," the girl laughed.
"Well I don't think that's quite fair to the other students, so I'm going to have to ask you to walk through the fire another way," the witch said, peering down her nose at Hermione. Hermione shrugged and pulled out her wand. She cast a quick fireproofing spell on herself and her robe and stepped back through the roaring flames.
"Did that work?" Hermione questioned. The witch looked at Hermione, dumbfounded.
"What about this one?" Hermione motioned to the fire with her wand. It instantly split into two smaller fires and she stepped between them. "Is that suitable?"
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"STUPEFY!" the tall blonde man roared. Harry quickly muttered a shield charm and watched the spell bounce off the shimmering translucent blue shield. The stunner struck its caster right in his chest and the man crumpled to the ground. Harry quickly let down his shield charm and stepped over to the man. He revived him and helped him sit up.
"How was that?" Harry questioned.
"What happened," the man replied.
"Your stunner bounced off my shield and knocked you out," Harry explained. The man shook his head.
"Ducking would have worked just as well."
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"Bloody hell!" Ron screeched. "I hardly think this is fair." He looked up from the poem and over to the witch standing next to the fire and the table.
"Why not?" the witch asked.
"Because I was out cold when Harry and Hermione solved this one," he muttered.
%%%%%
"Stupefy!" the tall blonde man shouted. Draco immediately crumpled to the floor into a shapeless heap. The spell whistled harmlessly over his head. The man stepped towards him to revive him. Draco sprang up, wand in hand, and released a string of curses that left the man hanging by his robes against the back of the partition with no mouth and angry boils popping up across his skin.
"Now then, if you promise not to try that again, I'll let you down. If not, I'll have to practice a spell my good friend Pansy taught me this morning." The man nodded vigorously.
"You won't try it again?" Draco questioned. The man shook his head. Draco quickly muttered the counter spells and the man dropped to the floor.
"Did you just threaten me, Mr. Malfoy?" the man asked.
"No, I invited you to the tea I'm having with the bint from the first station."
%%%%%
"I'm sorry Mr. Finch-Fletchley, I won't be able to give you any points for this station. You were supposed to subdue the Red Cap, not have a staring contest with him," a tall thin witch with curly black hair said. Justin jumped to his feet and faced the witch.
"Thank you," he said, and held his hand out, exchanging a professional handshake with the woman. The Red Cap growled from where it stood about a meter away, causing Justin to jump and run for the exit.
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Draco looked up from the piece of parchment and reached for a bottle on the table. He came away with the second one from the left. He quickly drank the contents and looked straight at the witch. He moved his left shoulder towards his ear in a quick jerking motion, twice, before clasping his hands about his neck and releasing an awful noise that sounded something like a cough, a hack, and a sneeze all at once.
"That can't be right!" the witch muttered. She stepped towards the table and began examining the bottles. Draco slowly sank to the floor, coughed twice loudly, and let a violent shudder run through his body. The witch picked up the bottle on the extreme left, the middle bottle, and the bottle to the immediate right of the middle.
"These were supposed to be the poison!" she insisted. Draco jumped to his feet and smiled smirked at the witch.
"Thank you!" he said, and grabbed the smallest of the bottles on the table. He quickly drank its contents and stepped through the fire.
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"I'm sinking!" Lavender announced. She looked from the mud on the floor that she stood knee-deep in to the tall African-American wizard standing near the entrance to the partition.
"Astute observation Miss Brown. Your objective is to get to that end of the station before the five minutes is up," the man said. He pointed to the other end of the station, almost 15 meters away. Lavender smiled sweetly at the man.
"Is there any way we can talk about this?" she asked. "Cause I'd rather not have to do this."
"No discussion Miss Brown, and I'd suggest you start moving before you sink all of the way and won't be able to get out," the man said.
"Fine then," Lavender huffed. She flopped directly backwards into the mud and began propelling herself to the other end of the enclosure with her feet. Two minutes later she stood up and waved at the man.
"How was that?" she questioned.
"Not the way I would have done it, but full points for creativity," the man replied.
"Hurrah for Stick Girl!" Lavender laughed.
%%%%%
"Mr. Malfoy, you will be faced with one of the most feared dark creatures in the wizarding world momentarily. If you feel you cannot deal with it, kindly step out of the enclosure so that we may subdue it for the next person," a tall red haired wizard said. An equally tall blonde man stood next to a tall steel case. Draco nodded.
"I guess I'm ready," he said.
"Good then," the man said. The blonde wizard reached for the door of the case. Draco readied his wand, training it at the case. The door of the case fell open and a dementor streamed out with a liquid grace that only the not quite human are capable of. Instantly Draco's veins ran with ice water. He mustered the happiest thought he could think of.
"Little Bear," his own voice echoed in his ears and he tried to shake the image of Barrett's dead body cradled in his own arms out of his mind.
"Do it again!" Keiran's cool, calculating voice paired with the thought of his house mates in various states of distress, scattered around the common room mere hours earlier chased the thoughts of his baby sister out of his head.
"Expecto Patronum!" He roared. A shimmering, silvery bear cub tumbled and somersaulted from the end of his wand. It loped easily over to the dementor and slammed the creature back into its case before slowly dissipating.
"Stunning, Mr. Malfoy, Absolutely stunning!" the red haired wizard said, extending a piece of chocolate to Draco. Draco smirked at the man before taking the chocolate and popping it into his mouth.
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"Did your patronus work?" Hermione questioned. She looked up at the two boys as the trio walked back to the common room after dinner. Harry nodded while Ron shook his head.
"It was still a little blue car. The dementor ran it over in about half a second," Ron replied.
"Mine worked," Harry announced.
"Yours has worked since third year," Ron spat, glaring over at his friend.
"So what do we have tomorrow, we should start studying!" Harry exclaimed, mostly to avoid fighting with his best friend.
"We have potions practical and written, history of magic written, and you guys have divination while I have ancient runes," Hermione explained. "I think I'm going to start studying for ancient runes first, so you guys can study for divination." Harry and Ron exchanged an incredulous look over Hermione's head.
"Study?" Ron questioned. "For divination?"
"History of Magic will be more helpful for our divination exam," Harry agreed.
"How, may I ask, will History of Magic help?" Hermione questioned.
"New and inventive ways to die," Harry and Ron chorused.
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"Wait wait wait!" Ernie cried. He jumped to his feet and pushed his hair back off of his forehead.
"What now, McMillian?" Hannah questioned.
"Careless or Carefree! What did Hermione say it was?" Ernie asked.
"What are you on about?" Justin queried.
"The Nigel guy and the goblin rebellion," Ernie said. "What did Hermione say it was? Carless or Carefree?"
"Ernie, you must remember that Justin was studying the backs of his eyelids during that study session," Hannah said.
"Well you were studying Harry's bum," Justin interjected.
"So?" Hannah asked.
"That's different from any other time the two of them are together?" Ernie questioned.
"Shove it, McMillian!" Hannah insisted.
"Why don't you make me, Abbott," Ernie spat.
"Fine then, I will!" Hannah cried. She sprang to her feet and stepped onto the couch she had just been sitting on.
"Bring it on!" Ernie said from his spot on the floor. Hannah bounced twice before diving off the couch onto Ernie.
*****
"Wow Ernie!" Astrid squealed. The Hufflepuff trio and Mandy stepped up to the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall just in time for breakfast to appear on the plates.
"What happened to you?" Sawyer asked.
"Potter, you seriously need to do something to control that girlfriend of yours," Ernie said, ignoring and answering the first years at the same time. He ran his fingers over his slightly swollen right eye and looked down at the raven haired fifth year.
"Did she do that to you?" Harry questioned, looking up at Ernie's eye.
"Yes," Ernie said.
"Go HANNAH!" Harry and Ron chorused.
"Tell them what you did to deserve it," Justin prompted.
"What'd you do, McMillan?" Ron questioned.
"I told her to make me shut up," Ernie muttered.
"Looks like she did," Sawyer muttered.
"But anyway," Ernie said, shaking his head at everyone gathered around. "We're here because we have a potions O.W.L. in less than an hour and I need some last minute studying."
"Me too," Mandy added. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw looked imploringly down at Hermione.
"What do you feel shaky on?" Hermione questioned.
"The properties of natural minerals in potions for healing," Mandy said.
"The chart!" Hermione insisted.
"What chart?" The Hufflepuffs and Mandy chorused.
"The one where we had to write six inches about every mineral," Hermione prompted.
"We didn't do that," Justin said.
"You didn't," Hermione shrieked. She reached for her bag and pulled a thick roll of parchment form within its depths.
"Yeah, Hermione, I think you have to thank me and Harry for that," Ron laughed. Hermione passed the roll to Justin. He unrolled it and held it so Ernie and Mandy could also look at it.
"I actually think I understand minerals," Hannah said. "I studied them during my last special potions class.
"Hey!" Sawyer cried.
"REMEDIAL!" He and Jason chorused.
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"For your potions practical, you will find instructions for your potion in front of you on the table. Thirty ingredients are provided on your table. None of these ingredients are labeled. You will have to choose the ten out of the thirty that are required for your potion. After your potion is prepared, you will have the remainder of the time until noon to complete your potions written exam. You will then return just before dinner tonight to finish your practical exam," a short wizard with no hair explained from the front of the Great Hall. "If there are no questions, you may begin."
Hermione looked down at the list of ingredients on the table in front of her. She wasn't sure exactly what the potion was supposed to be, but she grabbed a bottle of ladybugs, pulled the stopper out, dumped a liberal amount of the insects into a dish and began grinding the bugs into a fine powder.
%%%%%
Crabbe looked at the list of ingredients in his hand. He blinked his pig-like eyes twice at the list and then looked at the row of bottles on the table in front of him. A spark of an idea flickered through his tiny brain. He began removing tops and stoppers from all of the bottles. When all of the tops were removed, he began pouring ingredients into his cauldron. Twenty-nine of the ingredients mixed without problem. Crabbe tipped the 30th into the cauldron. A low hissing started inside the cauldron that quickly evolved into the sound of furious bubbles breaking against the sides of the cauldron. Crabbe leaned over the cauldron and peered at its contents. Before he saw the potion, a cloud of purple and lime green smoke belched up into his face. He leaned back from the cauldron and looked nervously up at the front of the room. Before he could draw attention to himself, the potion exploded from the cauldron in a boiling rage. It began to splatter towards the people sitting around him. Before it could hit anyone, an electric blue shield emanated from the floor, surrounding Crabbe and the flying potion. The potion smashed against the barrier and dumped back down on Crabbe in a boiling, rainbow mess. Crabbe released a scream that drew the attention of everyone in the Great Hall. Dumbledore appeared out of the antechamber and he and the test proctor quickly put a silencing spell on the still-screaming Crabbe. Crabbe toppled from his chair, hands clasped to his face, writing with agony. Dumbledore broke the protective barrier and conjured a stretcher. The two men loaded Crabbe, who had since fallen unconscious, onto it and Dumbledore floated him out of the Hall.
"Please continue," the proctor instructed, as though nothing had happened.
%%%%%
What is a bezoar?
Harry tried to stifle a laugh as he placed his quill on the parchment. He wrote: "A bezoar is something Snape asks potions-illiterate, muggle born or raised first years about during their very first potions class in order to feel better about himself through the pain of others. As one of said first years, I learned that a bezoar is also a stone found in the stomach of a goat that is an important ingredient in most poison antidotes."
%%%%%
What is it important to not mix potions?
Draco shook his head at his paper and began writing.
One shouldn't mix potions because the reactions are unpredictable. Mixed potions can give ulcers, lower bone and blood density, deaden the sense of touch, cause kidney stones, and have other effects that you don't want to read about and I don't much fancy thinking about. They can also cause one to puke blood. While not the most appealing activity, it is, evidently, very frightening for younger siblings to observe. This is usually a good effect to have on younger siblings.
*****
"So what's the verdict?" Harry questioned as Hermione sank into her seat at the Great Hall. Hermione had run to the hospital wing as soon as they had been released from the first section of their potions exam to see if Madame Pomfrey would allow her to sit in on Crabbe's treatment.
"His mess burned him so badly that he had to be taken to St. Mungo's. If he can't come back to take history of Magic after lunch, which he won't be able to, he'll have to repeat fifth year next year."
"So you mean Crabbe will be a fifth year again next year?" Ron asked. Hermione nodded.
"That is, of course, provided he manages to live through this," she said almost offhandedly. "Madame Pomfrey did, after all, say his potion managed to eat his nose and ears completely away."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Goblins.
Ron blinked twice at his paper and then rubbed his eyes. He finally put his quill to the parchment and began writing.
"Goblins are important because they like to revolt and have done so often throughout history. Also, they run Gringotts. Lastly, Tom Riddle's grandmother was most likely a Goblin."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Nigel the Careless.
Ernie had to stifle a laugh before he began writing his answer in the provided space.
"He fired the spell that began the Goblin Rebellion of 1512."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Harry Potter.
Hermione glanced over at Harry, wondering if he had reached the question yet. He looked to be in total concentration on his exam, so Hermione looked back to her own.
"Harry Potter is historically significant for an even that happened when he was 15 months old. He defeated Voldemort simply because his mother died for him. However, Voldemort is back. Therefore, the ministry should quit focusing so much on a 15-year-old boy who would like to be out of the spotlight, and start focusing more on the homicidal/genocidal maniac running loose through the country.
*****
"Again, not nearly as bad as I thought it could have been!" Hermione chirped. She practically skipped along beside the boys as the trip made their way back to their common room after their History of Magic O.W.L. and finishing their potions.
"I never thought I'd say this, but potions wasn't as hard as I expected it to be either," Ron laughed.
'All of the extra homework you boys got us has actually paid off," Hermione said. She wasn't about to admit that Snape was actually a good teacher.
"History of Magic was killer, though." Harry ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end to illustrate his exasperation.
"I know," Hermione agreed. "I don't know if I got all 16 dates for the Goblin rebellions right. I think I may have been a year off with the date of the seventh one."
"Wait wait wait!" Ron cried. "There was a question about the dates of the Goblin Rebellion?"
"What do you think 'explain the historical significance of goblins,' meant?" Hermione screeched.
"What did you think of the question about me?" Harry asked, mainly to avoid a shouting match between Ron and Hermione.
"Don't know anyone who could have gotten that wrong," Ron laughed.
"I probably did," Harry admitted.
"You WHAT?" Hermione shrieked.
"I probably got it wrong," Harry repeated. "I wrote 'he was the youngest seeker in a century at Hogwarts,' and then made a cross reference to my name on the front cover of my exam."
%%%%%
"Tell me, Mr. Weasley, what do you see in the crystal ball?" a skinny witch with brown hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
"I see a boy with red hair and freckles and blue eyes and a nose that looks like it's been broken," Ron announced.
"And what is this boy doing?" the witch asked.
"Reading the letter that says he passed all of his O.W.L.'s," Ron said, smiling coyly at the witch over the ball.
"Nice try, Mr. Weasley, nice try," the witch laughed.
%%%%%
"So, Mr. Potter, look at the dregs and tell me what you see," a short witch with curly blonde hair instructed. She held out a plate with tea dregs to Harry. He took the plate and studied it for a moment.
"I see both black and green tea leaves, small pieces of orange peel and smaller flecks of dried raspberry, hibiscus leaves, rosehips, chicory root." Harry paused and scratched his head. "You had raspberry tea didn't you?"
"Very funny Mr. Potter."
"So how many points do I get?" he questioned.
"None," the witch replied.
"None?" Harry asked. "I should get a few for effort. You have to admit that was creative, and you wouldn't believe how many cups of tea my friends and I had to drink to get me to the point that I can identify the type by looking at the dregs."
%%%%%
In Aramaic, write a five-paragraph essay about the topic of your choice.
Mandy read over the first four paragraphs of her essay. She had written about her favorite topic, Ron. She glanced across the Great Hall to where he sat, red head bent over his divination exam. His quill scratched across the parchment, while his left fingers twisted through the beginnings of curls resting at the top of his left ear. Mandy sighed and looked back to her paper.
"*The third reason I love Ron Weasley is he's a stevedore. I wish I was a Gryffindor because that would make meeting him at night so much easier. This only being with him once a week stuff sucks."
"Alright!" called the same wizard from the potions exam. "Put your quills down. Time is up!"
Mandy looked down at the last couple of sentences. She had meant to erase them when she came up with a satisfactory conclusion paragraph. She reached for her wand to make the last few sentences disappear, but before she could adjust them, the paper flew off of her table and into the hand of the wizard in charge. Suddenly, Mandy was redder than the levels regularly achieved by the subject of her essay.
%%%%%
"No points for the tea dregs bit," Harry laughed as he and Ron and Hermione headed back towards the common room after their third and final O.W.L. of Tuesday.
"None?" Hermione questioned.
"Not even for creativity?" Ron added. Harry shook his head and pushed his fringe off of his forehead.
"Not a point," Harry reiterated.
"You mean I drank my weight in Earl Grey and you got NO points for it?" Ron shrieked.
"Wouldn't it be volume rather than weight?" Hermione questioned. Both of the boys glared at her. Ron paused in front of a hall branching from the one they were walking down.
"Well guys, I'm off to see Mandy for a bit," he announced.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. "You've got a transfiguration O.W.L. in the morning!"
"If my girlfriend, who, might I remind you, is a Ravenclaw, is okay with not studying, then I think I can skip it for a little while too," Ron laughed.
*****
"Hermione, I've got a question for you," Harry prompted. Hermione looked up from a thick sheaf of notes she had propped against a jug of milk on the breakfast table.
"Is it related to Transfiguration?" Hermione questioned.
"No," Harry admitted with a shake of his head. Hermione looked back to her notes.
"Then I don't want to hear it now," she muttered. Harry plowed on after swallowing a bit of egg.
"Aren't you next in line to be McGonagall?" he asked. Hermione looked across the top of the milk jug with a steely glare.
"What are you on about?" she asked.
"I think he's asking why you're so worried," Fred said. He tried to snake his arm around her shoulders and drop a kiss on her cheek. A quick movement of her shoulders pushed away his advances.
"Leave me 'lone," she muttered.
"Hermione, really, I think this is a bit excessive. You've come out of every test talking about how easy it was," Ron pointed out.
"You had a staring contest with the test proctor for over half an hour because you finished your Ancient Runes exam that early," Harry added. Hermione shrugged.
"You've not been much fun for the past month," Fred complained.
"Sorry, Fred. That was Ancient Runes, this is Transfiguration, Harry. I could do that because I studied, Ron," she responded with very clipped tones.
"Sorry Fred?" Fred questioned. "Sorry Fred? Babe, it's been fun but it's not anymore."
"And we said we'd be done when it wasn't fun anymore," Hermione continued.
"That we did," Fred agreed. Hermione looked away from her notes fully for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.
"Well, I guess this is it, then," she said. Harry and Ron's jaw's dropped at the frankness in their friend's voice.
"I guess it is," Fred agreed. He held his arms out. Hermione fell into them for a quick hug.
"It was fun," she said. Fred nodded and released her. Hermione pulled away from him and smiled softly. Fred dropped a quick kiss on Hermione's forehead before standing up.
"See ya," he said.
"Yeah, see you," Hermione echoed. Fred turned slowly and started towards the other end of the table where George, Lee, Katie, Angelina and Alicia and Marissa sat. Hermione looked back to her notes.
"She and her boyfriend of nearly nine months just broke up and still, all she can do is study," Ron muttered. Harry shook his head.
"Will you two please be quiet? I can't concentrate!" Hermione insisted. Harry and Ron looked at each other, not bothering to hide their surprise.
%%%%%
Please discuss the history, logistics, and theory of the spork transfiguration.
"Harlan Sanders created the sport transfiguration because he wanted to make a fork out of spoon. He tried to make the tines of the fork before he flattened the spoon. This caused the spoon to have tiny half formed tines and he was unable to continue to create his fork. Had he flattened the spoon first, he would have been able to create fully formed tines and then a fork.
%%%%%
Please explain the difference between charmed invisibility and transfigured invisibility.
Goyle looked down at the test paper and snorted audibly. Draco looked up form his paper and shot an icy glare at his one remaining goon. Goyle shrugged and put the tip of his quill to the paper. He began to write, dragging the nib across the parchment with heavy strokes.
"One is charms, one is transfiguration."
%%%%%
Why is there an ethical battle in the ministry today over the transfiguration of animate objects into inanimate ones or vice-versa?
Ernie shook his head at the parchment, trying to gather his thoughts about the ministry so he wouldn't ramble on for multiple pages about why they needed to improve.
"The ethical battle going on in the ministry today is solely based on the fact that the people in the ministry are larger dunderheads than Snape's first year potions classes. They can't see that animating objects only lasts for as long as the spell lasts. This is not he same as giving the object life. Were the object to have life, it would have free will and therefore be able to escape from its creators and live on its own. This doesn't happen, so the ministry's real worry comes from what people are doing with this skill. Voldemort could be out there now creating an army of zombie clones from sticks and rocks and things. He could then command the transfigured army to break into our houses and eat us all while we sleep. The ministry should be more worried about stopping him."
Ernie exhaled and pulled his quill away from his paper, satisfied that he hadn't gone to far overboard in expressing his opinions.
*****
"Not bad at all," Hermione announced.
"As you said for the six before this too," Ron laughed.
"So are you and Fred going to get back together now?" Harry questioned, leaning back on a pile of cushions he had transfigured from pocket lint in a corner of the Entrance Hall. He was concerned at how lightly Hermione was taking her break-up.
"Nope," said Hermione. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the purple director's chair she had transfigured. "I really think we're done for good. If you boys haven't been paying attention, we've been on a downhill swing for a month or a month and a half now. Ron, where did you learn that?" Ron ran his hands down the arms of the blue and orange Hawaiian print lounge chair. He had transfigured the chair and a matching umbrella and martini glass.
"Must I remind you again? I am dating a Ravenclaw," Ron laughed. "Mandy taught me!"
"And I feel inferior," Harry muttered, looking down at his modest pile of cushions. Suddenly, the cloth disappeared from Ron's lounge chair. The boy fell through the metal tube frame, smashing to the floor with a rattle of metal on stone and a loud thud.
"Or not," Harry laughed.
%%%%%
"Okay, Miss Granger, for the practical portion of your Transfiguration O.W.L., you will need to transfigure this quill into six different things," the blonde witch from the DADA practical said.
"Six objects of my choice?" Hermione questioned.
"No," the witch replied, "you need to transfigure it into an animal, then an article of clothing, then something commonly found in a kitchen, then something useful, then something from Quidditch, then a spoon, then a fork in that order."
"Is that it?" Hermione questioned as the lady placed a quill in the center of the table.
"You will get more points for more creative and difficult transfigurations. You will lose points for partial transfigurations or skipping steps.
"Okay," Hermione said cheerfully. "May I begin?" The lady nodded and Hermione pulled out her monogrammed wand and aimed it at the quill. She began muttering Latin under her breath. The quill slowly morphed into a tiny kitten that retained the brown pattern of the feather. Another spell later and the kitten had a beautiful brown, tan, black, grey and white calico pattern. The tiny animal struggled to its paws and gave a tiny but wide yawn followed by a loud meow. It quickly turned around in a small circle and sank down. Resting it's head on its miniscule paws, its eyes fluttered closed in preparation for a nap.
Hermione looked up at the witch, who nodded and noted something on her clipboard. Hermione waved her wand again. The kitten slowly morphed into a long sleeved shirt. A few more wand movements and the shirt had cuffs and a collar as well as buttons going down one side in the front. One more spell and the shirt had a purple, yellow and white paisley pattern rather than the calico pattern of the kitten. The lady picked up the shirt and tugged on it. When the seams held, she checked the buttons. The buttons passed her inspection so she laid the shirt back on the table and nodded at Hermione.
The girl smirked at the shirt before muttering the next series of spells. The shirt flashed in a series of sparks and purple smoke. When the smoke cleared, a steel eggbeater with a red handle lay where shirt had previously been. The lady quickly tested the eggbeater. Satisfied that it worked, she nodded at Hermione.
Hermione took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, preparing for her next transfiguration. She quickly lowered the eggbeater to the floor and said another set of spells. In the eggbeaters place appeared an exact replica of the director's chair she had created in the Entrance Hall. The lady took a seat and when she found it would hold her weight, she stood up and nodded at Hermione
Hermione quickly transfigured the chair into a beaters bat followed by a spoon and then finally a perfect fork.
"Great, Miss Granger," the witch said. "You'll get the results at the end of the week." Hermione nodded, turned on her heel, and left the partition.
%%%%%
"So now all I have to do is make something commonly found in a kitchen?" Draco asked.
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy," the blonde witch replied. She sounded slightly exasperated as she glared down at her clipboard. Draco looked at the transfigured snitch he grasped tightly in his hand and one of his characteristic smirks crossed his face. He pointed his wand at the snitch and muttered a few simple spells. After one final animation spell, he stepped away from his creation and beamed nearly happily at the woman. She surveyed his transfiguration.
It was about a meter tall with brownish skin and a long thin nose. It had large floppy ears, and was dressed in a toga fashioned from cloth napkins clumsily sewn together to form a single piece of cloth. The house elf blinked its large brown eyes and looked from the test proctor to Draco back to the blonde witch.
"Full marks, Mr. Malfoy, though I suggest familiarizing yourself with other things commonly found in a kitchen."
%%%%%
"You know," Hermione began as the three friends made their way down to the greenhouses to begin their Herbology practical after they finished their Transfiguration practical.
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Ron and Harry chorused.
*****
"Yay for finally having a break from the infernal testing," Harry muttered. He leaned back on the couch in the common room, resting his head against his back and spreading his arms along the uppermost part of the cushions.
"But we've got Care of Magical Creatures and our written Herbology tomorrow, and both Charms tests and Astronomy the day after," Ron said.
"Thanks Hermione," Harry spat, glaring playfully at the redhead stretched out in front of the empty fireplace.
"Do you really think those mandrakes would have killed us if we hadn't remembered the charms to remove our hearing?" Ron questioned.
"Yes probably. The Mandrake is slowly killing all of us by annoying us to death," a small voice announced from the back of the couch. Astrid sprang into a chair across from Harry while Jason sat down on the ground at the bottom of Astrid's chair. Harry turned to look at Sawyer, who was still standing behind the couch.
"Hey guys, watch this," the boy announced.
"Pay close attention," Astrid advised. "Those will quite likely be the last words you'll ever hear Sawyer Lewis speak."
"Shove it, Astrid Malfoy," Sawyer said. He stuck his tongue out at his friend before placing his hands on the back of the couch. He jumped quickly and propelled himself forward at the same time. He effectively placed his head on the back of the couch and flipped his body over his head, landing with his butt on the seat cushion, his head against the top of the back cushion and his feet in the floor.
"Impressive, Sawyer, quite impressive," Ron laughed. Jason and Astrid shook their heads at the boy.
"You shoulda seen him all the times he tried it and landed in the floor or didn't quite clear the back of the couch," Jason muttered.
"Did you have trouble learning your stupid human trick Sawyer?" Ron questioned. Sawyer glared at the fifth year and crossed his thin arms over his chest.
"You couldn't do it if you tried," he insisted. Ron turned so he could see the first year.
"Ron, I'd say you're a little too large to try that," Harry warned. Ron stood and moved behind the empty couch.
"Please don't hurt yourself," Astrid pleaded. Ron ignored his friends and backed away from the couch.
"Where's Hermione?" Sawyer questioned.
"She's taking her Arithmancy O.W.L.," Harry replied, "Why?"
"Cause someone's gonna need to heal him after he stuffs his fat red head into the sofa," Jason laughed.
"Ah, we can just let him walk around with a cushion stuck on his head until she gets back," Harry replied. Ron glared at the four from behind the couch.
"Ron, don't kill yourself," Astrid requested. Sawyer turned sparkling blue eyes to his friend and began to say something, but she silenced him with an icy silver glare.
"So are you going to do it or not?" Sawyer asked, as though he had originally meant to say that all along. The stony glare on Astrid's face said clearly that she didn't think he had.
"Someone count," Ron requested.
"One.... Two.... Three!" chorused the three first years. Ron ran towards the couch. When he reached the back, he bent over and stuck his head on the couch cushions. Then he jumped to propel his body over the back of the couch. The force of his jump, instead, drove his head just between the couch cushions and his body went right back to the floor.
"Way to go Ron!" Sawyer cheered. Jason and Astrid both clapped loudly while Harry collapsed with laughter.
"Hey guys," Ron's voice came from between the cushions. "I think I'm stuck"
*****
"Yet again, that wasn't bad at all," Hermione announced her return to the common room from her O.W.L. "Did you guys have fun while I was gone?"
"I beat Harry, Jason and Sawyer in chess!" Astrid announced. She sat at the chess table with Dennis Creevey on the other side.
"What about Ron?" Hermione questioned.
"He's stuck in the couch," Sawyer answered off-handedly from his spot infront of the fire.
"WHAT?" Hermoine screeched.
"I'm stuck in the couch," came Ron's mumbled, muffled answer from the couch.
"Couldn't one of you gotten him out?" Hermione questioned.
"Sure," Astrid replied. "He never asked though."
"Will someone please unstick me?" Ron requested. Both Astrid and Hermione pulled their wands from their pockets.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Astrid squealed before Hermione could say anything. She jerked her wand straight towards the ceiling. Ron's head freed from the couch and his body shot straight towards the ceiling. He smacked into the ceiling and hurtled back towards the ground. Only then did Astrid slow down his fall and let him float lightly onto the couch.
"Astrid!" Hermione screeched as the first years and Harry erupted with laughter.
"You'll pay for that, Little Miss Malfoy," Ron spat.
*****
"Boys!" Lavender screeched.
"Cor, Lav, you have the voice of a banshee first thing in the morning!" Seamus cried sleepily.
"Or afternoon!" Parvati exclaimed.
"Huh?" Dean questioned, equally sleepily. Both boys, plus Harry and Ron were still in their beds with their hangings drawn. Neville and all three girls stood in the doorway of the boy's room.
"The four of you slept through your Herbology O.W.L.'s," Hermione said.
"Oh," came Ron's highly intelligent response.
"Is that all you can say for yourselves?" Hermione questioned.
"Yup," Dean muttered.
"Don't guess any of us will take N.E.W.T. level Herbology," Harry added.
"Don't need Herbology to play Quidditch anyway," Ron declared.
"Have fun in N.E.W.T. Herbology without us, Nev," Seamus laughed.
"You guys really don't seem like you care," Lavender said.
"The only thing I care about right now is the fact that I need to piss and there are girls between me and the loo!" Seamus insisted.
"So go," Lavender prompted.
"Lav, doll, I'm wearing only my boxers."
*****
"You again!" a Jarvey hissed as Harry, Ron and Hermione approached it. The creature was tied farthest from the group. As the assignment was to observe the Jarvey for the entire exam period, and they were allowed to work in groups of three or four, the friends chose it because they thought it would give them a chance to talk.
"Yep, it's us," Harry recognized the Jarvey from the first time they had worked with the creatures.
"Same deal as last time?" Ron questioned.
"Five," the Jarvey said. "This is, after all, your O.W.L."
"Deal," Harry agreed.
"This has got to be the easiest O.W.L. I've taken," Hermione declared.
"Herbology written was easier," Harry joked.
"SKREWT!" the Jarvey screeched.
"I can't believe the pair of you don't care more about that than you do!" Hermione cried.
"We probably would have failed anyway," Harry said. He stretched back in the grass and looked at the Jarvey.
"There was a question about Devil's Snare," Hermione provided. Ron snapped his fingers and moved his arm in mock disappointment
"Damn it! I would have known that one!" he cried. Hermione glared at him and opened her mouth to speak.
"Frizzy-haired mudblood!" The Jarvey yelled.
"Maybe we should observe him so we don't set the record for number of O.W.L.'s failed in one day," Harry suggested.
"Why?" Ron joked. "It'd be a record my brothers didn't hold first."
*****
Harry ran down the hall and leapt high into the air. He moved both of his legs quickly to his left side and tapped his heels together before his feet hit the floor again. He jumped again and repeated his action on the right.
"Ron, have you been practicing your cheering charms again?" Hermione questioned. Harry stopped and turned to face his friends.
"Nope!" he and Ron chorused.
"Then what exactly is wrong with you?" Hermione questioned.
"It's Friday. We have three tests left and we've only definitely failed one! Why shouldn't I be happy?" Harry exclaimed.
"You're right," Ron answered. He ran down the hall to where Harry stood and jumped and clicked his heels too. Hermione simply shook her head and quickened her pace to catch up with the boys.
*****
Explain the theory behind producing a corporeal patronus.
Ron smirked at the test and brought his quill to the parchment.
"The corporeal patronus is powered by happy thoughts. The trick is to be able to face a dementor and still think happy thoughts while saying the charm. However, facing a dementor and thinking happy thoughts at the same time is what makes the charm advanced magic."
%%%%%
Explain why summoning objects from more than 20 meters away is nearly impossible.
Harry's eyes widened at the questioned and he pulled his quill away from the doodles he was creating on the top of the parchment.
"I didn't realize summoning objects from far away was nearly impossible. I've summoned things from well over 200 meters away before. I can also summon people. Is that unusual too?"
*****
"Two more to go!" Harry crowed as he, Hermione, Ron, Hannah, Mandy, Ernie and Justin walked into the Great Hall for their charms practical.
"Hush, Harry," Hannah admonished. Harry slung his arm around her shoulders and pressed a sloppy kiss on her cheek.
"Ron?" Hermione questioned, turning glaring eyes on her best friend. Ron smirked slightly at the girl.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked.
"What?" Ron asked innocently. Hermione deepened her glare on him.
"Do we really have to do this?" Harry asked, quite loudly. "Let's blow this Popsicle stand and go play Quidditch!"
"I had to practice on someone!" Ron finally admitted. Both Hannah and Hermione pulled out their wands and fired off counter-charms for Ron's busted cheering charm. Both charms hit Harry in his back at the same time. He stumbled forwards and sank to the ground. He gathered his knees to his chest and buried his face in his knees.
"Quick Ron, hit him with another cheering charm!" Hermione squealed. Ron did as he was told and Harry stood up to face his friends.
"Now that I've unnecessarily been put through the emotional wringer, how about we go take a Charms O.W.L. so you lot can have more willing subjects."
%%%%%
"Alright, Mr. Potter, are you ready for this?" A tall, fat, bald man asked Harry.
"Not really," Harry admitted. "My friends nearly killed me and now I'm sleepy.
"Your friends nearly did what You-Know-Who hasn't? How?" the man asked.
"Oh, nothing really," Harry tried to keep the suspicion out of his voice. "Can I take my exam now." He mentally berated himself for his poor choice of words.
"Alright, first I'd like you to make this pineapple to tap dance."
*****
"Ready to go?" Hermione questioned. "Where's Harry?" Seamus and Lavender were curled into a chair. Ron was sprawled on the couch, his head resting on the back and one arm stretched out along the top of the cushion Parvati had her head resting on the opposite arm rest of Ron's couch, and her feet propped in Ron's lap. Dean was sprawled face down in front of the fire.
"Upstairs in his bed asleep. Same place he has been since we got back from Charms this afternoon," Ron explained.
"I'll get him," Hermione started towards the stairs.
"Hermione, what are you going to do?" Ron warily questioned. Hermione smiled innocently.
"I'm going to set his bed on fire."
*****
"So where am I supposed to sleep now?" Harry asked as the eight Gryffindor fifth years walked back towards the common room after their Astronomy O.W.L. around 2:00 Saturday morning.
"Your bed isn't really destroyed," Hermione laughed. "That was a new type of fire that is really hot but doesn't burn things."
"So how do you think you did?" Lavender asked.
"I named a constellation the little pile o' crackers. I think I failed miserably," Seamus laughed.
"We're done with O.W.L,'s!" Dean cried. "Doesn't this call for a celebration of some sort?"
"Tomorrow," Parvati said.
"After we've slept," Harry agreed.
I don't own this, JKR does. There are a few obligatory Buffy references. Blame Nat.
But don't hate her, because we love her for betaing this.
I'm sorry it took so long. Blame Drew, again.
I love reviews. And my reviewers. Please review.
So this is the second to last chapter of the story, I think. The next chapter will have instructions on where to go for the sequel(s). Look for that.
I think this is all for now
*****
"Expecto Patronum will create a patronus which wards off dementors. The three Unforgivable curses are the Avada Kedavra, also known as the killing curse, the Cruciatus, and the Imperius. The killing curse causes instant death upon hitting its intended target. The only person known to have survived the killing curse is Harry Potter. This happened on October 31, 1981 and only after his parents, James and Lily Potter had fallen victim to the curse as cast by Lord You-Know-Who."
"HERMIONE!" Harry cried. The girl paused in her recitation and looked at the boy.
"Who is your best friend?" Harry questioned. Hermione rubbed her eyes with the back of her right hand before blinking twice at the boy.
"You and Ron," she finally replied.
"And what's my name?" Harry asked.
"Harry Potter," Hermione replied. She glanced down nervously at her parchment.
"Yeah, I think I know my personal history," Harry laughed. "Rant about something else that will do us all some good." Hermione nodded furiously and looked back to her parchment.
"The Cruciatus curse causes intense pain in its victims. English settlers first used it in early America to help the English move the Native Americans from the land. The Imperius causes the victim to come under complete control of the spell's caster. Of the three Unforgivables, this is the only one that can be fought by the victim, though fighting the curse takes extreme mind control."
"Hey wait," Harry interrupted again.
"What now?" Hermione questioned.
"I win," Harry announced.
"You win?" Ron questioned, quirking an eyebrow at his friend.
"Yep. I've been subjected to all three and am still here to tell about it!" Harry said with a smile. "I win." He rolled over on his back and looked up at his friends from his position on the floor in front of the fire. Ron lay on the couch staring at the ceiling, and Hermione paced behind one of the armchairs. Her parchment rested on the back of the chair, so if she didn't pace too far, she could still read to the boys.
"Do you think you're ready? I think we should go ahead down so we can get good seats," Hermione said, sliding her notes back into a thick stack of parchment.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Ron announced. He slowly sat up and lowered his feet to the floor, stretching his arms over his head as he did.
"Let's go kick some O.W.L.'s arse!" Harry cried, springing to his feet.
"Do you both have your wands and your number two quills and ink?" Hermione questioned. She pulled a thin elastic from her wrist and quickly twisted her hair into a thick ponytail at the base of her neck.
"Check, Check and check!" Harry declared.
"Harry man, calm yourself!" Ron said. "We're getting ready to take a test, not play quidditch or snog our girlfriends."
"But Ron, it's our defense O.W.L. If we have a chance of passing any of them, it's this one!" Harry declared. He started towards the portrait hole with an odd spring to his step.
"Ron, have you been practicing your cheering charms again?" Hermione questioned. She tossed her bag over her shoulder and started after Harry. Ron stumbled to his feet and followed Hermione.
"Charms isn't until Friday. I suspect I'll start practicing on Thursday. Wednesday night if you're lucky," Ron said.
"RON!" Hermione screeched. Ron shrugged sheepishly.
"If I study too early, I'll forget," he admitted. Hermione shook her head and crawled through the portrait hole.
*****
"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Justin cried. He trailed behind Hannah and Ernie as the Hufflepuff trip made their way towards the great hall.
"What now, Finch-Fletchley?" Ernie snapped.
"Which curses are most effective on kappas versus hinkypunks versus grindylows and why the hell are they studied in Defense Against the Dark Arts and not Care of Magical Creatures?" Justin asked.
"Do you really wanna keep a Red Cap as a pet?" Ernie questioned.
"What's a Red Cap?" Justin wailed.
"Justin, stop worrying!" Hannah insisted. "It's not going to be that bad!"
"Easy for you to say," Justin muttered. "You and your best friend are shagging the Defense Against the Dark Arts poster boy and his side kick of a best friend."
"JUSTIN!" Hannah screeched. "Harry and I are not shagging!" Justin looked at his best female friend through wide eyes before turning on his heel and stomping towards the other end of the hall. When he was a significant distance from Hannah and Ernie, he tossed his hands over his head and shrieked loudly.
*****
"PADMA!! MORAG!!!" Mandy screeched. She tumbled out of the fifth year girls' dorm room and into the stiff, navy, royal, and bronze Ravenclaw common room.
"SSSSSHHHHHHHH!" Hissed the collection of people gathered around studying.
"Shove off," Mandy told them. "Now tell me where Padma and Morag are!" A tiny first year jerked his left thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the far wall.
"PADMA AND MORAG!" Mandy cried.
"BROCKLEHURST!" Ryan Kern shouted from the opposite corner. "If you don't shut your mouth, I'm taking off points."
"Gee, head boy! I'd care if I wasn't about to fail my Defense O.W.L. and if we hadn't already lost to Gryffindor and Slytherin by nearly 200 points," Mandy replied.
"Brocklehurst," Ryan warned. Mandy scrambled around a couch in the corner and plopped herself directly between its two occupants. She crossed her right leg over her left knee and placed her right hand on her right knee.
"So tell me ladies," she said, placing the heel of her left hand on her right wrist and lacing her fingers down through each other. "What is the incantation for the Invisible Bonds Charm? Because I know with a fair amount of certainty that it isn't ego amo Ron Weasley."
*****
The large iron chandelier in the middle of the common room swung wildly, almost hitting the ceiling on either side. The candles had fallen out of their holders and crashed onto the chairs below, showering Keiran and Theodore with bits of wax and entire candles. The reason for the chandelier's wild flight hung heavily to one side in the form of one Blaise Zabini. The back of his robes was caught on the edge of the chandelier and he hung limply towards the ground. Anyone else in his predicament would have been screaming their head off, but not Blaise. No, not Blaise. Simply because Blaise didn't have a mouth.
Millicent stood in one corner with both hands and her forehead against the wall. She leaned heavily on her hands, and closer inspection of her legs revealed that they were bending towards the wall. She stood with her left leg straight, and her right leg bent at a 90 degree angle at the knee, resting on the wall a meter below her hands.
Pansy sat against one couch. Her feet were drawn towards her and her elbows rested on her knees. In her hands she held long strands of blonde hair. Her hair that had ended just above her waist a mere 20 minutes before. Now the first layer ended just at her chin and the second just below her ears.
Crabbe and Goyle stood in a corner near Millicent. Crabbe was perfectly still and resting in the corner, unable to move. His eyes rolled wildly in their sockets, showing that he'd fallen victim to a body bind. Goyle leaned against the wall next to Crabbe. His legs barely supported his portentous bulk. They wobbled back and forth, and Goyle only remained upright because he had braced himself against the wall and Crabbe.
Taylor lay unconscious in a pile relatively near Pansy and the couch. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth, but it looked like no human tongue should. It had turned a sickly green shade with grayish-olive scales. The tip was honed to a fine point, giving her tongue the appearance of horn.
Karen lay next to Taylor, glaring stonily upwards. She had thin, willowy plants sprouting from her ears. They hung down nearly to her elbows. She, like Blaise, lacked a mouth and, unlike Blaise, her left eye was frozen in a crossed position.
Draco stood in the middle of the floor, surrounded by his fallen classmates. He twirled his wand skillfully through his fingers and looked at the chaos. He ran his hand over his hair and finally spoke.
"Who's next? I'm not done practicing," he said.
"This isn't practice," Pansy muttered from her seat on the floor.
"Sure it is," Draco replied. "I've practiced the Dark Arts, and it looks like the rest of you are going to fail. Your defense stinks worse than Warrington. Now then, who's next? I've got more to practice."
"So do I," Pansy muttered, glaring up at Draco. "It's called the Castration Curse."
*****
In 1000 words or less explain how Harry Potter killed Voldemort.
Harry had to hold in a laugh as he read the essay question. He gripped his quill tighter and touched the tip to the parchment. He quickly wrote "he didn't die," and leaned back in his chair.
"That's less than 1000 words," he laughed to himself.
%%%%%
If faced with a dementor, what would you do to save yourself?
The quill trembled in Goyle's fist and he dragged his other pudgy hand across his sweaty forehead. He finally settled on an answer and slammed the tip of the quill to the test parchment. The sharp point dug a small hole in the test sheet before he began writing, "Throw Vince in its way, run, and hope Drayco no's the incan incu spell to make it go away."
%%%%%
What is the proper way to subdue a full grown Mountain Troll?
Ron pushed his hair back from his forehead and smirked down at his test book. He picked up his quill and began to write.
"In my experience, the best way to subdue a Mountain Troll is to stuff something approximately the size of a wand up the animals left nostril. While the troll is busy trying to clear out his nose, take the opportunity to levitate something large and heavy over the trolls head and allow it to crash down. This should effectively knock the troll unconscious, If this doesn't work for you, my only advice is then to run."
%%%%%
Discuss briefly the proper steps to take to banish a boggart.
"First, you should approach the boggart with a large group of people. This confuses the boggart and it doesn't know what to turn into. When it was my turn to face the boggart, I'd wait until the boggart turned into my biggest fear. Then I would imagine the Professor- Snape-like boggart wearing my grandmother's clothes and say "Riddikulus!" After enough people did this, the boggart would be reduced to a silver mist, effectively banishing the boggart.
%%%%%
Explain the difference between kappas, Red Caps, grindylows, and hinkypunks and the best spells to use in controlling each.
Justin slammed his quill down on his paper and sprung to his feet. He hurried out of the Great Hall and into the entrance hall. Every fifth year in Hogwarts heard the scream he released.
%%%%%
"I didn't think that was nearly as bad as it could have been," Hermione said. She quickly took another bite of crumpet and looked imploringly across the table at Ron and Harry.
"246 multiple choice questions, 56 matching, 127 true or false, 25 short answer and five essays and it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, she says," Ron muttered, glaring at Harry.
"I thought there were 248 multiple choice," Harry replied, smirking at his friend.
"249, actually," Hermione corrected. Both boys glared at her. She shrugged. "We've still got the practical to take."
"SSHHHHHH!" Harry and Ron hissed. "Let's not talk about that," Harry added.
"What spells do you think will be tested on the practical?" Hermione ignored her friends.
"This one," Ron muttered, pulling out his wand. He pointed it at Hermione and whispered, "Silencio."
%%%%%
"Good news!" Pansy announced, sliding into her seat next to Draco at the Slytherin table.
"What?" Draco asked.
"Four different boys have commented on my new haircut and another two have asked if they could owl me over the summer, and none of them have been gross," Pansy said.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Draco questioned.
"It means I'm not going to have to castrate you after all," Pansy replied.
%%%%%
"Come on Madame Pomfrey! You've got to let Justin come with us!" Hannah whined. She tucked a strand of honey blonde hair behind her ear and looked earnestly up at the hospital matron.
"He really does probably need to take the practical section of his Defense O.W.L." Ernie reasoned. Madame Pomfrey stood in front of the pair of Hufflepuffs and Mandy, blocking their entrance to the hospital wing. She stared down at the trio through round glasses with an amused look on her face.
"He's not really crazy!" Hannah insisted. "There was just this question that reminded him of Mandy and."
"HANNAH!" Mandy screeched.
"Eew," Ernie muttered under his breath. Hannah clamped her hand over her mouth and turned wide blue eyes back to her friends.
"I'm quiet now," she whispered.
%%%%%
"Alright," Professor Dumbledore said. He stood at the doors to the great hall facing an entrance hall filled with anxious fifth years. He raised both of his hands a small distance above his head and the nervous chatter quieted. "You will begin the practical section of your Defense O.W.L. very shortly. The Board of Education and Testing has prepared a very interesting practical for you all."
"Interesting?" Draco snorted from the back of the crowd. He sat on the left side on the bottom of the main staircase's banister. "Pardon me, Professor Dumbledore, but I think you underestimate all of our stamina for academia, except for perhaps Granger's."
"Thank you Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore nodded at the blonde prefect. "But anyway, the practical will consist of a set of 36 stations. You will enter one at a time and spend five minutes at each station before continuing on to the next. For each station, you will perform one skill we've learned in class. Some of these will require you to perform the skill multiple times so that the tester will see that you are proficient. The 36th station will be an extra credit skill that we only briefly studied in class. So I ask, are you ready for the exam?"
"Yes," a few people chorused. That group consisted of mostly Ravenclaws. Most of the other students nodded. Neville and Justin both trembled slightly, neither admitting readiness.
"Alright then. The name of the person whose turn it is to enter will appear above the door. Hannah Abbott, you're up first! Good luck!" Dumbledore said. He turned and disappeared through the door into the Great Hall.
"Good luck," Harry echoed. He brushed a kiss on Hannah's cheek and she turned and followed Dumbledore.
"I've thought of one I didn't practice!" Draco announced from his perch on the banister. "Any volunteers?"
"NO!" chorused the Slytherins.
%%%%%
"I am going to release a creature momentarily. The speed and effectiveness of how you deal with it will determine your score on this station. Are you ready?" a short witch with curly graying-brown hair asked Hannah. Hannah nodded slightly and held her wand out in front of her. The witch reached behind her and flipped the clasp on a glass case. A moment later, an electric blue Cornish Pixie zoomed into view.
%%%%%
"What exactly do you want, Hermione?" Ron questioned. Hermione gave Ron's sleeve one more vicious tug before looking up at him. She had been pulling at his sleeve relentlessly for the previous few minutes. When Ron's eyes met hers, she began pointing furiously at her mouth.
"Oh, right," Ron laughed, pulling his wand from his pocket. "You need your voice back."
%%%%%
The tiny blue pixie fluttered into view. Draco watched it for a moment before his seeker's reflexes kicked in. With one quick motion, his hand shot out and he caught the small creature tight in his left hand. He grasped its feet in his right and quickly let go of the pixie with his left. Before the pixie could react to being suddenly mostly free, Draco transferred it to his left hand and swung it towards the partition dividing the first station from the second. The pixie cracked into the partition with a satisfying thwack. Draco swung it twice more before the creature fell suitably limp. He dangled it by its feet and held it towards the test proctor.
"Here you go," he said. "How did I do?"
"No points, Mr. Malfoy," the lady replied.
"No points!" Draco screeched. "What do you mean no points?"
"No points," the lady repeated. "You didn't use magic."
"You never said I had to use magic," Draco objected, brandishing the unconscious pixie at the woman. "You said to deal with the creature quickly and effectively, which I did." The witch shrugged.
"I followed the directions explicitly! If you think you're going to get away with not giving me any points on this section, I do believe you have another think coming."
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Malfoy?" the witch asked.
"No, I'm inviting you to tea tomorrow afternoon," Draco deadpanned. "What does it sound like? Of course I'm threatening you! If you don't give me points just because you can't write directions, I'll have Lucius Malfoy to the Board of Education office faster than Longbottom can screw up a potion."
"Well, let me consult the guideline book momentarily to see what it says about the non-use of magic," the witch pulled a thick book off the table behind her and flipped it to a section near the front. She produced a pair of thin reading glasses from her pocket and held them to her face. Draco, still holding the pixie, crossed his arms across his chest and glared at the woman as she looked.
"Alright Mr. Malfoy, it says nothing about what specific spells you are to use, and in fact suggests giving extra points for creativity. As you were the fastest, most efficient and most creative student of the day, I suppose you get full points plus two." The bell rang signaling a station change. Draco headed out of the enclosure.
"Mr. Malfoy," the witch called. He paused and turned to look at her. "May I have my pixie back?"
%%%%%
Neville stepped into the enclosure and faced a tall man with thinning blonde hair. Without warning, the man pulled a wand and muttered "Stupefy." Neville's blue eyes opened wider and the spell struck him in the center of his chest. He crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.
%%%%%
"The object is to drink the potion that will allow you to walk through the fire without being burned," a short witch who looked startlingly like Professor Sprout told Hermione. She handed the young witch a thin scrap of parchment. Hermione studied the line of seven bottles on the table before her. All were different sizes and shapes. A fire sprang up behind the table with a great gust of wind. Hermione shook her head and looked at the paper. It contained a poem of sorts. She quickly scanned over it.
Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind, Two of us will help you, whichever you would find One among us seven will let you move ahead, Another will transport the drinker back instead, Two among our number hold only nettle wine, Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line. Choose, unless you wish to stay here forevermore, To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four: First however slyly the poison tries to hide You will always find some on nettle wine's left side; But if you would move onwards, neither is your friend; Third, as you see clearly, all are different size Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides; Fourth, the second left and the second on the right Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight.
Hermione shook her head at the paper and chuckled loudly.
"Is their something you find funny Miss Granger?" the witch asked. Hermione shrugged and reached for the bottle third from the left. She flipped the stopper off with her thumb and threw back the contents of the bottle. She swallowed and wiped her mouth off dramatically with the sleeve of her robe. The witch's mouth dropped open as she watched the teenager step confidently around the table and through the fire.
"How was that?" Hermione questioned.
"Brilliant! How did you do that?" the witch asked. Hermione shrugged.
"Encountered and solved the same problem as a first year," the girl laughed.
"Well I don't think that's quite fair to the other students, so I'm going to have to ask you to walk through the fire another way," the witch said, peering down her nose at Hermione. Hermione shrugged and pulled out her wand. She cast a quick fireproofing spell on herself and her robe and stepped back through the roaring flames.
"Did that work?" Hermione questioned. The witch looked at Hermione, dumbfounded.
"What about this one?" Hermione motioned to the fire with her wand. It instantly split into two smaller fires and she stepped between them. "Is that suitable?"
%%%%%
"STUPEFY!" the tall blonde man roared. Harry quickly muttered a shield charm and watched the spell bounce off the shimmering translucent blue shield. The stunner struck its caster right in his chest and the man crumpled to the ground. Harry quickly let down his shield charm and stepped over to the man. He revived him and helped him sit up.
"How was that?" Harry questioned.
"What happened," the man replied.
"Your stunner bounced off my shield and knocked you out," Harry explained. The man shook his head.
"Ducking would have worked just as well."
%%%%%
"Bloody hell!" Ron screeched. "I hardly think this is fair." He looked up from the poem and over to the witch standing next to the fire and the table.
"Why not?" the witch asked.
"Because I was out cold when Harry and Hermione solved this one," he muttered.
%%%%%
"Stupefy!" the tall blonde man shouted. Draco immediately crumpled to the floor into a shapeless heap. The spell whistled harmlessly over his head. The man stepped towards him to revive him. Draco sprang up, wand in hand, and released a string of curses that left the man hanging by his robes against the back of the partition with no mouth and angry boils popping up across his skin.
"Now then, if you promise not to try that again, I'll let you down. If not, I'll have to practice a spell my good friend Pansy taught me this morning." The man nodded vigorously.
"You won't try it again?" Draco questioned. The man shook his head. Draco quickly muttered the counter spells and the man dropped to the floor.
"Did you just threaten me, Mr. Malfoy?" the man asked.
"No, I invited you to the tea I'm having with the bint from the first station."
%%%%%
"I'm sorry Mr. Finch-Fletchley, I won't be able to give you any points for this station. You were supposed to subdue the Red Cap, not have a staring contest with him," a tall thin witch with curly black hair said. Justin jumped to his feet and faced the witch.
"Thank you," he said, and held his hand out, exchanging a professional handshake with the woman. The Red Cap growled from where it stood about a meter away, causing Justin to jump and run for the exit.
%%%%%
Draco looked up from the piece of parchment and reached for a bottle on the table. He came away with the second one from the left. He quickly drank the contents and looked straight at the witch. He moved his left shoulder towards his ear in a quick jerking motion, twice, before clasping his hands about his neck and releasing an awful noise that sounded something like a cough, a hack, and a sneeze all at once.
"That can't be right!" the witch muttered. She stepped towards the table and began examining the bottles. Draco slowly sank to the floor, coughed twice loudly, and let a violent shudder run through his body. The witch picked up the bottle on the extreme left, the middle bottle, and the bottle to the immediate right of the middle.
"These were supposed to be the poison!" she insisted. Draco jumped to his feet and smiled smirked at the witch.
"Thank you!" he said, and grabbed the smallest of the bottles on the table. He quickly drank its contents and stepped through the fire.
%%%%%
"I'm sinking!" Lavender announced. She looked from the mud on the floor that she stood knee-deep in to the tall African-American wizard standing near the entrance to the partition.
"Astute observation Miss Brown. Your objective is to get to that end of the station before the five minutes is up," the man said. He pointed to the other end of the station, almost 15 meters away. Lavender smiled sweetly at the man.
"Is there any way we can talk about this?" she asked. "Cause I'd rather not have to do this."
"No discussion Miss Brown, and I'd suggest you start moving before you sink all of the way and won't be able to get out," the man said.
"Fine then," Lavender huffed. She flopped directly backwards into the mud and began propelling herself to the other end of the enclosure with her feet. Two minutes later she stood up and waved at the man.
"How was that?" she questioned.
"Not the way I would have done it, but full points for creativity," the man replied.
"Hurrah for Stick Girl!" Lavender laughed.
%%%%%
"Mr. Malfoy, you will be faced with one of the most feared dark creatures in the wizarding world momentarily. If you feel you cannot deal with it, kindly step out of the enclosure so that we may subdue it for the next person," a tall red haired wizard said. An equally tall blonde man stood next to a tall steel case. Draco nodded.
"I guess I'm ready," he said.
"Good then," the man said. The blonde wizard reached for the door of the case. Draco readied his wand, training it at the case. The door of the case fell open and a dementor streamed out with a liquid grace that only the not quite human are capable of. Instantly Draco's veins ran with ice water. He mustered the happiest thought he could think of.
"Little Bear," his own voice echoed in his ears and he tried to shake the image of Barrett's dead body cradled in his own arms out of his mind.
"Do it again!" Keiran's cool, calculating voice paired with the thought of his house mates in various states of distress, scattered around the common room mere hours earlier chased the thoughts of his baby sister out of his head.
"Expecto Patronum!" He roared. A shimmering, silvery bear cub tumbled and somersaulted from the end of his wand. It loped easily over to the dementor and slammed the creature back into its case before slowly dissipating.
"Stunning, Mr. Malfoy, Absolutely stunning!" the red haired wizard said, extending a piece of chocolate to Draco. Draco smirked at the man before taking the chocolate and popping it into his mouth.
%%%%%
"Did your patronus work?" Hermione questioned. She looked up at the two boys as the trio walked back to the common room after dinner. Harry nodded while Ron shook his head.
"It was still a little blue car. The dementor ran it over in about half a second," Ron replied.
"Mine worked," Harry announced.
"Yours has worked since third year," Ron spat, glaring over at his friend.
"So what do we have tomorrow, we should start studying!" Harry exclaimed, mostly to avoid fighting with his best friend.
"We have potions practical and written, history of magic written, and you guys have divination while I have ancient runes," Hermione explained. "I think I'm going to start studying for ancient runes first, so you guys can study for divination." Harry and Ron exchanged an incredulous look over Hermione's head.
"Study?" Ron questioned. "For divination?"
"History of Magic will be more helpful for our divination exam," Harry agreed.
"How, may I ask, will History of Magic help?" Hermione questioned.
"New and inventive ways to die," Harry and Ron chorused.
%%%%%
"Wait wait wait!" Ernie cried. He jumped to his feet and pushed his hair back off of his forehead.
"What now, McMillian?" Hannah questioned.
"Careless or Carefree! What did Hermione say it was?" Ernie asked.
"What are you on about?" Justin queried.
"The Nigel guy and the goblin rebellion," Ernie said. "What did Hermione say it was? Carless or Carefree?"
"Ernie, you must remember that Justin was studying the backs of his eyelids during that study session," Hannah said.
"Well you were studying Harry's bum," Justin interjected.
"So?" Hannah asked.
"That's different from any other time the two of them are together?" Ernie questioned.
"Shove it, McMillian!" Hannah insisted.
"Why don't you make me, Abbott," Ernie spat.
"Fine then, I will!" Hannah cried. She sprang to her feet and stepped onto the couch she had just been sitting on.
"Bring it on!" Ernie said from his spot on the floor. Hannah bounced twice before diving off the couch onto Ernie.
*****
"Wow Ernie!" Astrid squealed. The Hufflepuff trio and Mandy stepped up to the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall just in time for breakfast to appear on the plates.
"What happened to you?" Sawyer asked.
"Potter, you seriously need to do something to control that girlfriend of yours," Ernie said, ignoring and answering the first years at the same time. He ran his fingers over his slightly swollen right eye and looked down at the raven haired fifth year.
"Did she do that to you?" Harry questioned, looking up at Ernie's eye.
"Yes," Ernie said.
"Go HANNAH!" Harry and Ron chorused.
"Tell them what you did to deserve it," Justin prompted.
"What'd you do, McMillan?" Ron questioned.
"I told her to make me shut up," Ernie muttered.
"Looks like she did," Sawyer muttered.
"But anyway," Ernie said, shaking his head at everyone gathered around. "We're here because we have a potions O.W.L. in less than an hour and I need some last minute studying."
"Me too," Mandy added. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw looked imploringly down at Hermione.
"What do you feel shaky on?" Hermione questioned.
"The properties of natural minerals in potions for healing," Mandy said.
"The chart!" Hermione insisted.
"What chart?" The Hufflepuffs and Mandy chorused.
"The one where we had to write six inches about every mineral," Hermione prompted.
"We didn't do that," Justin said.
"You didn't," Hermione shrieked. She reached for her bag and pulled a thick roll of parchment form within its depths.
"Yeah, Hermione, I think you have to thank me and Harry for that," Ron laughed. Hermione passed the roll to Justin. He unrolled it and held it so Ernie and Mandy could also look at it.
"I actually think I understand minerals," Hannah said. "I studied them during my last special potions class.
"Hey!" Sawyer cried.
"REMEDIAL!" He and Jason chorused.
%%%%%
"For your potions practical, you will find instructions for your potion in front of you on the table. Thirty ingredients are provided on your table. None of these ingredients are labeled. You will have to choose the ten out of the thirty that are required for your potion. After your potion is prepared, you will have the remainder of the time until noon to complete your potions written exam. You will then return just before dinner tonight to finish your practical exam," a short wizard with no hair explained from the front of the Great Hall. "If there are no questions, you may begin."
Hermione looked down at the list of ingredients on the table in front of her. She wasn't sure exactly what the potion was supposed to be, but she grabbed a bottle of ladybugs, pulled the stopper out, dumped a liberal amount of the insects into a dish and began grinding the bugs into a fine powder.
%%%%%
Crabbe looked at the list of ingredients in his hand. He blinked his pig-like eyes twice at the list and then looked at the row of bottles on the table in front of him. A spark of an idea flickered through his tiny brain. He began removing tops and stoppers from all of the bottles. When all of the tops were removed, he began pouring ingredients into his cauldron. Twenty-nine of the ingredients mixed without problem. Crabbe tipped the 30th into the cauldron. A low hissing started inside the cauldron that quickly evolved into the sound of furious bubbles breaking against the sides of the cauldron. Crabbe leaned over the cauldron and peered at its contents. Before he saw the potion, a cloud of purple and lime green smoke belched up into his face. He leaned back from the cauldron and looked nervously up at the front of the room. Before he could draw attention to himself, the potion exploded from the cauldron in a boiling rage. It began to splatter towards the people sitting around him. Before it could hit anyone, an electric blue shield emanated from the floor, surrounding Crabbe and the flying potion. The potion smashed against the barrier and dumped back down on Crabbe in a boiling, rainbow mess. Crabbe released a scream that drew the attention of everyone in the Great Hall. Dumbledore appeared out of the antechamber and he and the test proctor quickly put a silencing spell on the still-screaming Crabbe. Crabbe toppled from his chair, hands clasped to his face, writing with agony. Dumbledore broke the protective barrier and conjured a stretcher. The two men loaded Crabbe, who had since fallen unconscious, onto it and Dumbledore floated him out of the Hall.
"Please continue," the proctor instructed, as though nothing had happened.
%%%%%
What is a bezoar?
Harry tried to stifle a laugh as he placed his quill on the parchment. He wrote: "A bezoar is something Snape asks potions-illiterate, muggle born or raised first years about during their very first potions class in order to feel better about himself through the pain of others. As one of said first years, I learned that a bezoar is also a stone found in the stomach of a goat that is an important ingredient in most poison antidotes."
%%%%%
What is it important to not mix potions?
Draco shook his head at his paper and began writing.
One shouldn't mix potions because the reactions are unpredictable. Mixed potions can give ulcers, lower bone and blood density, deaden the sense of touch, cause kidney stones, and have other effects that you don't want to read about and I don't much fancy thinking about. They can also cause one to puke blood. While not the most appealing activity, it is, evidently, very frightening for younger siblings to observe. This is usually a good effect to have on younger siblings.
*****
"So what's the verdict?" Harry questioned as Hermione sank into her seat at the Great Hall. Hermione had run to the hospital wing as soon as they had been released from the first section of their potions exam to see if Madame Pomfrey would allow her to sit in on Crabbe's treatment.
"His mess burned him so badly that he had to be taken to St. Mungo's. If he can't come back to take history of Magic after lunch, which he won't be able to, he'll have to repeat fifth year next year."
"So you mean Crabbe will be a fifth year again next year?" Ron asked. Hermione nodded.
"That is, of course, provided he manages to live through this," she said almost offhandedly. "Madame Pomfrey did, after all, say his potion managed to eat his nose and ears completely away."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Goblins.
Ron blinked twice at his paper and then rubbed his eyes. He finally put his quill to the parchment and began writing.
"Goblins are important because they like to revolt and have done so often throughout history. Also, they run Gringotts. Lastly, Tom Riddle's grandmother was most likely a Goblin."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Nigel the Careless.
Ernie had to stifle a laugh before he began writing his answer in the provided space.
"He fired the spell that began the Goblin Rebellion of 1512."
%%%%%
Explain the historical significance of Harry Potter.
Hermione glanced over at Harry, wondering if he had reached the question yet. He looked to be in total concentration on his exam, so Hermione looked back to her own.
"Harry Potter is historically significant for an even that happened when he was 15 months old. He defeated Voldemort simply because his mother died for him. However, Voldemort is back. Therefore, the ministry should quit focusing so much on a 15-year-old boy who would like to be out of the spotlight, and start focusing more on the homicidal/genocidal maniac running loose through the country.
*****
"Again, not nearly as bad as I thought it could have been!" Hermione chirped. She practically skipped along beside the boys as the trip made their way back to their common room after their History of Magic O.W.L. and finishing their potions.
"I never thought I'd say this, but potions wasn't as hard as I expected it to be either," Ron laughed.
'All of the extra homework you boys got us has actually paid off," Hermione said. She wasn't about to admit that Snape was actually a good teacher.
"History of Magic was killer, though." Harry ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end to illustrate his exasperation.
"I know," Hermione agreed. "I don't know if I got all 16 dates for the Goblin rebellions right. I think I may have been a year off with the date of the seventh one."
"Wait wait wait!" Ron cried. "There was a question about the dates of the Goblin Rebellion?"
"What do you think 'explain the historical significance of goblins,' meant?" Hermione screeched.
"What did you think of the question about me?" Harry asked, mainly to avoid a shouting match between Ron and Hermione.
"Don't know anyone who could have gotten that wrong," Ron laughed.
"I probably did," Harry admitted.
"You WHAT?" Hermione shrieked.
"I probably got it wrong," Harry repeated. "I wrote 'he was the youngest seeker in a century at Hogwarts,' and then made a cross reference to my name on the front cover of my exam."
%%%%%
"Tell me, Mr. Weasley, what do you see in the crystal ball?" a skinny witch with brown hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
"I see a boy with red hair and freckles and blue eyes and a nose that looks like it's been broken," Ron announced.
"And what is this boy doing?" the witch asked.
"Reading the letter that says he passed all of his O.W.L.'s," Ron said, smiling coyly at the witch over the ball.
"Nice try, Mr. Weasley, nice try," the witch laughed.
%%%%%
"So, Mr. Potter, look at the dregs and tell me what you see," a short witch with curly blonde hair instructed. She held out a plate with tea dregs to Harry. He took the plate and studied it for a moment.
"I see both black and green tea leaves, small pieces of orange peel and smaller flecks of dried raspberry, hibiscus leaves, rosehips, chicory root." Harry paused and scratched his head. "You had raspberry tea didn't you?"
"Very funny Mr. Potter."
"So how many points do I get?" he questioned.
"None," the witch replied.
"None?" Harry asked. "I should get a few for effort. You have to admit that was creative, and you wouldn't believe how many cups of tea my friends and I had to drink to get me to the point that I can identify the type by looking at the dregs."
%%%%%
In Aramaic, write a five-paragraph essay about the topic of your choice.
Mandy read over the first four paragraphs of her essay. She had written about her favorite topic, Ron. She glanced across the Great Hall to where he sat, red head bent over his divination exam. His quill scratched across the parchment, while his left fingers twisted through the beginnings of curls resting at the top of his left ear. Mandy sighed and looked back to her paper.
"*The third reason I love Ron Weasley is he's a stevedore. I wish I was a Gryffindor because that would make meeting him at night so much easier. This only being with him once a week stuff sucks."
"Alright!" called the same wizard from the potions exam. "Put your quills down. Time is up!"
Mandy looked down at the last couple of sentences. She had meant to erase them when she came up with a satisfactory conclusion paragraph. She reached for her wand to make the last few sentences disappear, but before she could adjust them, the paper flew off of her table and into the hand of the wizard in charge. Suddenly, Mandy was redder than the levels regularly achieved by the subject of her essay.
%%%%%
"No points for the tea dregs bit," Harry laughed as he and Ron and Hermione headed back towards the common room after their third and final O.W.L. of Tuesday.
"None?" Hermione questioned.
"Not even for creativity?" Ron added. Harry shook his head and pushed his fringe off of his forehead.
"Not a point," Harry reiterated.
"You mean I drank my weight in Earl Grey and you got NO points for it?" Ron shrieked.
"Wouldn't it be volume rather than weight?" Hermione questioned. Both of the boys glared at her. Ron paused in front of a hall branching from the one they were walking down.
"Well guys, I'm off to see Mandy for a bit," he announced.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. "You've got a transfiguration O.W.L. in the morning!"
"If my girlfriend, who, might I remind you, is a Ravenclaw, is okay with not studying, then I think I can skip it for a little while too," Ron laughed.
*****
"Hermione, I've got a question for you," Harry prompted. Hermione looked up from a thick sheaf of notes she had propped against a jug of milk on the breakfast table.
"Is it related to Transfiguration?" Hermione questioned.
"No," Harry admitted with a shake of his head. Hermione looked back to her notes.
"Then I don't want to hear it now," she muttered. Harry plowed on after swallowing a bit of egg.
"Aren't you next in line to be McGonagall?" he asked. Hermione looked across the top of the milk jug with a steely glare.
"What are you on about?" she asked.
"I think he's asking why you're so worried," Fred said. He tried to snake his arm around her shoulders and drop a kiss on her cheek. A quick movement of her shoulders pushed away his advances.
"Leave me 'lone," she muttered.
"Hermione, really, I think this is a bit excessive. You've come out of every test talking about how easy it was," Ron pointed out.
"You had a staring contest with the test proctor for over half an hour because you finished your Ancient Runes exam that early," Harry added. Hermione shrugged.
"You've not been much fun for the past month," Fred complained.
"Sorry, Fred. That was Ancient Runes, this is Transfiguration, Harry. I could do that because I studied, Ron," she responded with very clipped tones.
"Sorry Fred?" Fred questioned. "Sorry Fred? Babe, it's been fun but it's not anymore."
"And we said we'd be done when it wasn't fun anymore," Hermione continued.
"That we did," Fred agreed. Hermione looked away from her notes fully for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.
"Well, I guess this is it, then," she said. Harry and Ron's jaw's dropped at the frankness in their friend's voice.
"I guess it is," Fred agreed. He held his arms out. Hermione fell into them for a quick hug.
"It was fun," she said. Fred nodded and released her. Hermione pulled away from him and smiled softly. Fred dropped a quick kiss on Hermione's forehead before standing up.
"See ya," he said.
"Yeah, see you," Hermione echoed. Fred turned slowly and started towards the other end of the table where George, Lee, Katie, Angelina and Alicia and Marissa sat. Hermione looked back to her notes.
"She and her boyfriend of nearly nine months just broke up and still, all she can do is study," Ron muttered. Harry shook his head.
"Will you two please be quiet? I can't concentrate!" Hermione insisted. Harry and Ron looked at each other, not bothering to hide their surprise.
%%%%%
Please discuss the history, logistics, and theory of the spork transfiguration.
"Harlan Sanders created the sport transfiguration because he wanted to make a fork out of spoon. He tried to make the tines of the fork before he flattened the spoon. This caused the spoon to have tiny half formed tines and he was unable to continue to create his fork. Had he flattened the spoon first, he would have been able to create fully formed tines and then a fork.
%%%%%
Please explain the difference between charmed invisibility and transfigured invisibility.
Goyle looked down at the test paper and snorted audibly. Draco looked up form his paper and shot an icy glare at his one remaining goon. Goyle shrugged and put the tip of his quill to the paper. He began to write, dragging the nib across the parchment with heavy strokes.
"One is charms, one is transfiguration."
%%%%%
Why is there an ethical battle in the ministry today over the transfiguration of animate objects into inanimate ones or vice-versa?
Ernie shook his head at the parchment, trying to gather his thoughts about the ministry so he wouldn't ramble on for multiple pages about why they needed to improve.
"The ethical battle going on in the ministry today is solely based on the fact that the people in the ministry are larger dunderheads than Snape's first year potions classes. They can't see that animating objects only lasts for as long as the spell lasts. This is not he same as giving the object life. Were the object to have life, it would have free will and therefore be able to escape from its creators and live on its own. This doesn't happen, so the ministry's real worry comes from what people are doing with this skill. Voldemort could be out there now creating an army of zombie clones from sticks and rocks and things. He could then command the transfigured army to break into our houses and eat us all while we sleep. The ministry should be more worried about stopping him."
Ernie exhaled and pulled his quill away from his paper, satisfied that he hadn't gone to far overboard in expressing his opinions.
*****
"Not bad at all," Hermione announced.
"As you said for the six before this too," Ron laughed.
"So are you and Fred going to get back together now?" Harry questioned, leaning back on a pile of cushions he had transfigured from pocket lint in a corner of the Entrance Hall. He was concerned at how lightly Hermione was taking her break-up.
"Nope," said Hermione. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the purple director's chair she had transfigured. "I really think we're done for good. If you boys haven't been paying attention, we've been on a downhill swing for a month or a month and a half now. Ron, where did you learn that?" Ron ran his hands down the arms of the blue and orange Hawaiian print lounge chair. He had transfigured the chair and a matching umbrella and martini glass.
"Must I remind you again? I am dating a Ravenclaw," Ron laughed. "Mandy taught me!"
"And I feel inferior," Harry muttered, looking down at his modest pile of cushions. Suddenly, the cloth disappeared from Ron's lounge chair. The boy fell through the metal tube frame, smashing to the floor with a rattle of metal on stone and a loud thud.
"Or not," Harry laughed.
%%%%%
"Okay, Miss Granger, for the practical portion of your Transfiguration O.W.L., you will need to transfigure this quill into six different things," the blonde witch from the DADA practical said.
"Six objects of my choice?" Hermione questioned.
"No," the witch replied, "you need to transfigure it into an animal, then an article of clothing, then something commonly found in a kitchen, then something useful, then something from Quidditch, then a spoon, then a fork in that order."
"Is that it?" Hermione questioned as the lady placed a quill in the center of the table.
"You will get more points for more creative and difficult transfigurations. You will lose points for partial transfigurations or skipping steps.
"Okay," Hermione said cheerfully. "May I begin?" The lady nodded and Hermione pulled out her monogrammed wand and aimed it at the quill. She began muttering Latin under her breath. The quill slowly morphed into a tiny kitten that retained the brown pattern of the feather. Another spell later and the kitten had a beautiful brown, tan, black, grey and white calico pattern. The tiny animal struggled to its paws and gave a tiny but wide yawn followed by a loud meow. It quickly turned around in a small circle and sank down. Resting it's head on its miniscule paws, its eyes fluttered closed in preparation for a nap.
Hermione looked up at the witch, who nodded and noted something on her clipboard. Hermione waved her wand again. The kitten slowly morphed into a long sleeved shirt. A few more wand movements and the shirt had cuffs and a collar as well as buttons going down one side in the front. One more spell and the shirt had a purple, yellow and white paisley pattern rather than the calico pattern of the kitten. The lady picked up the shirt and tugged on it. When the seams held, she checked the buttons. The buttons passed her inspection so she laid the shirt back on the table and nodded at Hermione.
The girl smirked at the shirt before muttering the next series of spells. The shirt flashed in a series of sparks and purple smoke. When the smoke cleared, a steel eggbeater with a red handle lay where shirt had previously been. The lady quickly tested the eggbeater. Satisfied that it worked, she nodded at Hermione.
Hermione took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, preparing for her next transfiguration. She quickly lowered the eggbeater to the floor and said another set of spells. In the eggbeaters place appeared an exact replica of the director's chair she had created in the Entrance Hall. The lady took a seat and when she found it would hold her weight, she stood up and nodded at Hermione
Hermione quickly transfigured the chair into a beaters bat followed by a spoon and then finally a perfect fork.
"Great, Miss Granger," the witch said. "You'll get the results at the end of the week." Hermione nodded, turned on her heel, and left the partition.
%%%%%
"So now all I have to do is make something commonly found in a kitchen?" Draco asked.
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy," the blonde witch replied. She sounded slightly exasperated as she glared down at her clipboard. Draco looked at the transfigured snitch he grasped tightly in his hand and one of his characteristic smirks crossed his face. He pointed his wand at the snitch and muttered a few simple spells. After one final animation spell, he stepped away from his creation and beamed nearly happily at the woman. She surveyed his transfiguration.
It was about a meter tall with brownish skin and a long thin nose. It had large floppy ears, and was dressed in a toga fashioned from cloth napkins clumsily sewn together to form a single piece of cloth. The house elf blinked its large brown eyes and looked from the test proctor to Draco back to the blonde witch.
"Full marks, Mr. Malfoy, though I suggest familiarizing yourself with other things commonly found in a kitchen."
%%%%%
"You know," Hermione began as the three friends made their way down to the greenhouses to begin their Herbology practical after they finished their Transfiguration practical.
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Ron and Harry chorused.
*****
"Yay for finally having a break from the infernal testing," Harry muttered. He leaned back on the couch in the common room, resting his head against his back and spreading his arms along the uppermost part of the cushions.
"But we've got Care of Magical Creatures and our written Herbology tomorrow, and both Charms tests and Astronomy the day after," Ron said.
"Thanks Hermione," Harry spat, glaring playfully at the redhead stretched out in front of the empty fireplace.
"Do you really think those mandrakes would have killed us if we hadn't remembered the charms to remove our hearing?" Ron questioned.
"Yes probably. The Mandrake is slowly killing all of us by annoying us to death," a small voice announced from the back of the couch. Astrid sprang into a chair across from Harry while Jason sat down on the ground at the bottom of Astrid's chair. Harry turned to look at Sawyer, who was still standing behind the couch.
"Hey guys, watch this," the boy announced.
"Pay close attention," Astrid advised. "Those will quite likely be the last words you'll ever hear Sawyer Lewis speak."
"Shove it, Astrid Malfoy," Sawyer said. He stuck his tongue out at his friend before placing his hands on the back of the couch. He jumped quickly and propelled himself forward at the same time. He effectively placed his head on the back of the couch and flipped his body over his head, landing with his butt on the seat cushion, his head against the top of the back cushion and his feet in the floor.
"Impressive, Sawyer, quite impressive," Ron laughed. Jason and Astrid shook their heads at the boy.
"You shoulda seen him all the times he tried it and landed in the floor or didn't quite clear the back of the couch," Jason muttered.
"Did you have trouble learning your stupid human trick Sawyer?" Ron questioned. Sawyer glared at the fifth year and crossed his thin arms over his chest.
"You couldn't do it if you tried," he insisted. Ron turned so he could see the first year.
"Ron, I'd say you're a little too large to try that," Harry warned. Ron stood and moved behind the empty couch.
"Please don't hurt yourself," Astrid pleaded. Ron ignored his friends and backed away from the couch.
"Where's Hermione?" Sawyer questioned.
"She's taking her Arithmancy O.W.L.," Harry replied, "Why?"
"Cause someone's gonna need to heal him after he stuffs his fat red head into the sofa," Jason laughed.
"Ah, we can just let him walk around with a cushion stuck on his head until she gets back," Harry replied. Ron glared at the four from behind the couch.
"Ron, don't kill yourself," Astrid requested. Sawyer turned sparkling blue eyes to his friend and began to say something, but she silenced him with an icy silver glare.
"So are you going to do it or not?" Sawyer asked, as though he had originally meant to say that all along. The stony glare on Astrid's face said clearly that she didn't think he had.
"Someone count," Ron requested.
"One.... Two.... Three!" chorused the three first years. Ron ran towards the couch. When he reached the back, he bent over and stuck his head on the couch cushions. Then he jumped to propel his body over the back of the couch. The force of his jump, instead, drove his head just between the couch cushions and his body went right back to the floor.
"Way to go Ron!" Sawyer cheered. Jason and Astrid both clapped loudly while Harry collapsed with laughter.
"Hey guys," Ron's voice came from between the cushions. "I think I'm stuck"
*****
"Yet again, that wasn't bad at all," Hermione announced her return to the common room from her O.W.L. "Did you guys have fun while I was gone?"
"I beat Harry, Jason and Sawyer in chess!" Astrid announced. She sat at the chess table with Dennis Creevey on the other side.
"What about Ron?" Hermione questioned.
"He's stuck in the couch," Sawyer answered off-handedly from his spot infront of the fire.
"WHAT?" Hermoine screeched.
"I'm stuck in the couch," came Ron's mumbled, muffled answer from the couch.
"Couldn't one of you gotten him out?" Hermione questioned.
"Sure," Astrid replied. "He never asked though."
"Will someone please unstick me?" Ron requested. Both Astrid and Hermione pulled their wands from their pockets.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Astrid squealed before Hermione could say anything. She jerked her wand straight towards the ceiling. Ron's head freed from the couch and his body shot straight towards the ceiling. He smacked into the ceiling and hurtled back towards the ground. Only then did Astrid slow down his fall and let him float lightly onto the couch.
"Astrid!" Hermione screeched as the first years and Harry erupted with laughter.
"You'll pay for that, Little Miss Malfoy," Ron spat.
*****
"Boys!" Lavender screeched.
"Cor, Lav, you have the voice of a banshee first thing in the morning!" Seamus cried sleepily.
"Or afternoon!" Parvati exclaimed.
"Huh?" Dean questioned, equally sleepily. Both boys, plus Harry and Ron were still in their beds with their hangings drawn. Neville and all three girls stood in the doorway of the boy's room.
"The four of you slept through your Herbology O.W.L.'s," Hermione said.
"Oh," came Ron's highly intelligent response.
"Is that all you can say for yourselves?" Hermione questioned.
"Yup," Dean muttered.
"Don't guess any of us will take N.E.W.T. level Herbology," Harry added.
"Don't need Herbology to play Quidditch anyway," Ron declared.
"Have fun in N.E.W.T. Herbology without us, Nev," Seamus laughed.
"You guys really don't seem like you care," Lavender said.
"The only thing I care about right now is the fact that I need to piss and there are girls between me and the loo!" Seamus insisted.
"So go," Lavender prompted.
"Lav, doll, I'm wearing only my boxers."
*****
"You again!" a Jarvey hissed as Harry, Ron and Hermione approached it. The creature was tied farthest from the group. As the assignment was to observe the Jarvey for the entire exam period, and they were allowed to work in groups of three or four, the friends chose it because they thought it would give them a chance to talk.
"Yep, it's us," Harry recognized the Jarvey from the first time they had worked with the creatures.
"Same deal as last time?" Ron questioned.
"Five," the Jarvey said. "This is, after all, your O.W.L."
"Deal," Harry agreed.
"This has got to be the easiest O.W.L. I've taken," Hermione declared.
"Herbology written was easier," Harry joked.
"SKREWT!" the Jarvey screeched.
"I can't believe the pair of you don't care more about that than you do!" Hermione cried.
"We probably would have failed anyway," Harry said. He stretched back in the grass and looked at the Jarvey.
"There was a question about Devil's Snare," Hermione provided. Ron snapped his fingers and moved his arm in mock disappointment
"Damn it! I would have known that one!" he cried. Hermione glared at him and opened her mouth to speak.
"Frizzy-haired mudblood!" The Jarvey yelled.
"Maybe we should observe him so we don't set the record for number of O.W.L.'s failed in one day," Harry suggested.
"Why?" Ron joked. "It'd be a record my brothers didn't hold first."
*****
Harry ran down the hall and leapt high into the air. He moved both of his legs quickly to his left side and tapped his heels together before his feet hit the floor again. He jumped again and repeated his action on the right.
"Ron, have you been practicing your cheering charms again?" Hermione questioned. Harry stopped and turned to face his friends.
"Nope!" he and Ron chorused.
"Then what exactly is wrong with you?" Hermione questioned.
"It's Friday. We have three tests left and we've only definitely failed one! Why shouldn't I be happy?" Harry exclaimed.
"You're right," Ron answered. He ran down the hall to where Harry stood and jumped and clicked his heels too. Hermione simply shook her head and quickened her pace to catch up with the boys.
*****
Explain the theory behind producing a corporeal patronus.
Ron smirked at the test and brought his quill to the parchment.
"The corporeal patronus is powered by happy thoughts. The trick is to be able to face a dementor and still think happy thoughts while saying the charm. However, facing a dementor and thinking happy thoughts at the same time is what makes the charm advanced magic."
%%%%%
Explain why summoning objects from more than 20 meters away is nearly impossible.
Harry's eyes widened at the questioned and he pulled his quill away from the doodles he was creating on the top of the parchment.
"I didn't realize summoning objects from far away was nearly impossible. I've summoned things from well over 200 meters away before. I can also summon people. Is that unusual too?"
*****
"Two more to go!" Harry crowed as he, Hermione, Ron, Hannah, Mandy, Ernie and Justin walked into the Great Hall for their charms practical.
"Hush, Harry," Hannah admonished. Harry slung his arm around her shoulders and pressed a sloppy kiss on her cheek.
"Ron?" Hermione questioned, turning glaring eyes on her best friend. Ron smirked slightly at the girl.
"Ron!" Hermione shrieked.
"What?" Ron asked innocently. Hermione deepened her glare on him.
"Do we really have to do this?" Harry asked, quite loudly. "Let's blow this Popsicle stand and go play Quidditch!"
"I had to practice on someone!" Ron finally admitted. Both Hannah and Hermione pulled out their wands and fired off counter-charms for Ron's busted cheering charm. Both charms hit Harry in his back at the same time. He stumbled forwards and sank to the ground. He gathered his knees to his chest and buried his face in his knees.
"Quick Ron, hit him with another cheering charm!" Hermione squealed. Ron did as he was told and Harry stood up to face his friends.
"Now that I've unnecessarily been put through the emotional wringer, how about we go take a Charms O.W.L. so you lot can have more willing subjects."
%%%%%
"Alright, Mr. Potter, are you ready for this?" A tall, fat, bald man asked Harry.
"Not really," Harry admitted. "My friends nearly killed me and now I'm sleepy.
"Your friends nearly did what You-Know-Who hasn't? How?" the man asked.
"Oh, nothing really," Harry tried to keep the suspicion out of his voice. "Can I take my exam now." He mentally berated himself for his poor choice of words.
"Alright, first I'd like you to make this pineapple to tap dance."
*****
"Ready to go?" Hermione questioned. "Where's Harry?" Seamus and Lavender were curled into a chair. Ron was sprawled on the couch, his head resting on the back and one arm stretched out along the top of the cushion Parvati had her head resting on the opposite arm rest of Ron's couch, and her feet propped in Ron's lap. Dean was sprawled face down in front of the fire.
"Upstairs in his bed asleep. Same place he has been since we got back from Charms this afternoon," Ron explained.
"I'll get him," Hermione started towards the stairs.
"Hermione, what are you going to do?" Ron warily questioned. Hermione smiled innocently.
"I'm going to set his bed on fire."
*****
"So where am I supposed to sleep now?" Harry asked as the eight Gryffindor fifth years walked back towards the common room after their Astronomy O.W.L. around 2:00 Saturday morning.
"Your bed isn't really destroyed," Hermione laughed. "That was a new type of fire that is really hot but doesn't burn things."
"So how do you think you did?" Lavender asked.
"I named a constellation the little pile o' crackers. I think I failed miserably," Seamus laughed.
"We're done with O.W.L,'s!" Dean cried. "Doesn't this call for a celebration of some sort?"
"Tomorrow," Parvati said.
"After we've slept," Harry agreed.