Thanks for all the reviews. The one thing everyone agrees on is that I
write much to short chapters. So I am going to sit down and write until I
have at least four pages. Probably more if I can. Also, just to clarify
from last chapter. A THESPIAN, is a dramatic person, actor or actress. It
isn't synonyms with gay, however there are quite a few lesbian thespians I
am sure (
On another note... Exactly one week ago from when this is being posted, something happened to me and some friends. I live in a very liberal city where we have a huge gay community. I have been out since I was 13, and apart from a few snide comments, have never had any problem with anyone (aside from the parental units). So I was very shocked, at being harassed on the sky train ( a form of public transit). Me and a group of friends were on our way to youth quest, a gay and lesbian youth group, and two guys started calling us fags and dykes. We got uncomfortable, especially since not a single person on the sky train lifted a finger to help us. So we left. And they followed us, with shank knives and a corkscrew.
Long story short, no one was hurt. But it serves as a warning. To those who are gay and out, be careful. There are still nasty people about. To those who aren't...please don't just watch. The thing that hurt the most wasn't that these idiots harassed us. It was that THIRTY people watched, and turned their backs. A few even joined in to laugh. Be careful. Thank-you.
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The summer had passed quickly for me, as I looked forward to another year at Hogwarts. I was approaching my fifth year, and that would mean O.W.L.S but I figured I could handle them. Despite what it may seem, I am a very intelligent girl. I just don't let my brothers in on this fact. Its easier to torment them that way. The morning was filled with the usual hustle and bustle as we raced around finding this and that from various locations of the house. Or rather, my brothers did, as I sat calmly in my room, packed from the night before. I was sitting in front of my mirror, an old antique thing, but beautiful none the less. I sighed at my reflection.
"Thinking of a special someone dearie?" my mirror asked me. "no...yes...well sort of." I replied.
I was thinking of a special someone. Someone I could never have, someone out of my grasp, so close, and yet so far away. Someone who would never love me. Not the way I wanted. Never in return.
Yet still... here I was ..sitting in front of my mirror. Debating with myself how to earn a second glance, a compliment, something that I could cherish and think over later. A smile or a wink from my love meant more to me then a sack of galleons, and gods know I could use the galleons.
"Smile dearie. Your always beautiful when you smile. Never mind the silly powders and creams some girls use. Look at yourself. You know you're a knock out. Long lets, creamy skin, vibrant hair. Just knock that scowl off your face and he will be at your feet."
I did smile at that. I knew the mirror was telling the truth, I could have just about any boy at Hogwarts at my feet with the snap of my fingers. The trouble was, I didn't want just any boy at Hogwarts. I wanted the unreachable. Sighing again, I moved over to the window and opened it wide. Sitting on the windowsill, I searched through my purse for the thing that would calm me down. Fumbling around a few spare sickles and some lip-gloss, I found my pack of smokes, and lit one up with a match. Most from the magical word like wizarding cigarettes, that lit up instantly. They didn't provide me with the same relaxing calmness that good old muggle smokes gave me. Dad had something going when he said that muggles knew some things we didn't. Dragging the intoxicating smoke into my lungs, I let my body relax. I blew out the window, so the smell wouldn't contaminate the house, causing my parents to get into a fight with me. If they knew I smoked, well... they would be mad I guess. Just one extra thing to add to my stress. I took another drag, and let my mind wander back to that certain someone. With a smile on my face, I ashed my smoke out the window, and wondered what they would say when they saw how much I changed over the summer.
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The feeling in the train compartment was one of confusion and worry. Ginny, Ron, and Neville, stared at the sobbing Hermione, not understanding what was wrong. Harry seemed a little shocked, but mostly fine, and Hermione was in a horrible state. Ron rushed over to Hermione, eager to comfort the girl he had loved from afar for the past five years. Neville didn't really know what to do, awkward as always in any emotional situation. Ginny stared. She was worried out of her mind about her best friend, but didn't want to approach. She was scared of touching Hermione, didn't want to scare her away. Then, into the middle of this mess, in waltzed Luna Lovegood.
Luna surveyed the scene with her wide sleepy eyes. Her hat was perched jauntily on one side of her head, and six pony tails emerged from the other. She seemed to have abandoned her radish ear rings, for large furry balls. When her eyes feel on Hermione, she started, as if she hadn't noticed her there before.
"What's wrong Hermione? Did you get bitten by a siggnel fornlax? When you get bitten by one of those, you cry for days and days. I knew this one guy..."
"Luna." Harry cut her off, "Hermione is telling us something. You can either sit down quietly and let her talk, or you will have to leave."
Luna promptly sat down, her robes billowing around her. Hermione looked up, hiccupping. Harry looked down at her.
"Hermione. I want you to know that although I am a little shocked, I don't hate you. You are one of my best friends, and will remain that. I love you. You know that don't you?"
Hermione avoided his gaze as she nodded.
"Hermione. I don't care. I don't care if you like guys or girls or sheep. Sheep! Okay?"
Hermione couldn't help but grin at that.
"See! Your smiling."
Harry swooped down and lifted Hermione up into a big hug. Hermione hugged him back, relieved, grinning, and still crying into his robe.
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When I got to platform nine and three quarters, I looked around the platform for my love. No sign of them. Ron burst through the barrier after me, and helped me drag my trunk onto the train. We were walking up the hallway, looking for a familiar face after two months of holidays. Ron saw Harry, and ran up to him shouting. I smiled at the two, remembering when everyone thought I loved Harry Potter. I don't really know how to explain my feelings for him. I loved him, yes. It was complicated though. I was awed, and felt he was amazing, the same sort of feelings that many young girls get about famous celebrities. Not only that, but he knew my brother. All the girls in my dorm talked about this boy and that and I began to fee left out. Not knowing how to respond to all that, I began to convince myself I had a crush on Harry Potter. After a while I realized how wrong it felt. I dated several guys, slept with several more. I haven't loved any of them. While I watched their happy reunion, my heart suddenly stopped. My breathing became shallower and a faint heat rose to my ears. Down the hall, looking glorious and breathtaking, walked Hermione Granger. Her lips were closed in a small pout, her forehead crinkled in thought. Ron and Harry saw her as well and Ron grabbed her shoulder from behind causing her to jump. She jumped up and shrieked. My brother goggled at her like he always did. I shook my head. Boys.
"Hermione! You owls have been so...so BORING!!!" the dolt exclaimed. "What ever happened re writing your history of magic essay to include your trip to France?" he teased.
My brother has loved Hermione for as long as I can remember. He doesn't say so, but you can tell. Hermione smiled very weakly at them. My heart was gripped in worry. What was wrong with her. Harry, quiet and reclusive since last year, stared at her. "I guess she has...other things on her mind?" he asked her questioningly. I felt a pang for Harry as well. I loved him as a friend, despite having no attraction to him, and it didn't seem as if anyone could reach him anymore.
"Ron...Harry. There is something we need to talk about. Privately."
Her voice was full of pain. I came up slowly and attempted to be cheerful, for her sake. "Oh okay lets go then." I said, wanting to hold her, but not daring. My brother glowered at me.
"She said PRIVATELY squirt. That means not you. Scat." Anger coursed through me. I could not stand that he treated me as a child. Our age difference was only one year, and I would say that if one was to judge our maturity levels, Ron would be left far behind me. I cast around for words, trying to be diplomatic. Shouting at him would only prove I was a squirt, an annoying... fourth wheel... who was too young to understand anything of importance. Before I could open my mouth, Hermione saved me by saying, "Ginny you can come too." I glanced at her gratefully, and noticed Neville peer around the corner, watching us with interest. "Neville as well I suppose."
We all followed her into an empty compartment, and I quietly slid the door shut behind us. I sat close to her, but not close enough to cause suspicion.
"You answer all our questions about Viktor in a very ambiguous way...avoiding all our direct questions...he didn't hurt you did he?" I asked her directly. I had worried about this all summer. She usually wrote me long letters in reply to mine, but her answers had been short and impersonal. My remark caused an uproar among the boys who pounced on her, asking her questions. I just stared at her, entranced by how beautiful she was, even in such misery. It became her even, sitting there, with her silky auburn hair cascading over her back and face, casting a shadow on her comely features, draped in a black witches robe. I longed to stroke her face...run my fingers through her hair. She listened to their queries, as I let them pass over me. Then she opened her mouth and began to speak.
"You four have been my best friends...ever. Not just while at Hogwarts. I have been...thinking for a long time and I need to tell you all something. I...I think that after I tell you this... you might not be my friends anymore." Hermione glared at Ron as he began to protest. "You can have your say after I am finished. But for now let me talk. I just... need you to know that I love you all very much. So even if you hate me when I am finished...well. I guess that's the chance I take. I just cant keep this in any longer. Viktor and I dated for a while...you all know that. But I had to break up with him. I told him why I did, and ...well he was very sweet about it. He still writes me all the time...and we are good friends so Harry I see you looking like your about to kill him, he did nothing wrong. Its all me. I ...I ... I am a lesbian."
This did absolutely nothing to clarify anything for me. What the fuck is a lesbian I thought to myself? Does she have some sort of weird disease? I stared at her...waiting for some sort of explanation.
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Harry sat Hermione back down and faced everyone else. Hermione put her face into her hands, not able to listen to him as he spoke.
"I guess lesbian is a muggle word...none of you know what gay is do you?" All he received was blank stares. He took a deep breath. "Well...we all know that guys and girls like each other.." Ginny looked up at him sharply. "Well sometimes, in the muggle world, some people are born who don't like people of the opposite sex. Like...some boys...like to have sex with other boys" he proclaimed awkwardly, with a side glance at Ron, "And I guess...I don't know.." He finished pathetically. Everyone looked at him. Harry turned red, trying to think of what else to say, "And well... in the muggle world this is a big thing...people tend to hate these people. Like... aren't friends with them and beat them up and such."
Ron and Neville were the epitome of confusion, Ginny was staring avidly at Harry, and Luna looked spacy. Everyone was silent for a moment.
"So Hermione is a lesbian. And a lesbian is a boy who likes other boys." Stated Luna.
Harry looked exasperated, "No. A lesbian is a GIRL who likes other girls."
Silence again. Then Ron looked up at Hermione, his face contorted. "What the fuck. You're a dyke?" Hermione cringed. Apparently the derogatory terms in the muggle world, were used in the wizarding one. "What the FUCK Hermione. I ..I ...AND Harry??? YOUR OKAY WITH THIS? What the hell is wrong with you guys? Ginny...? Neville? LUNA?? The fuck you guys are all out of your tree. Your sick Hermione. SICK" and with a strangled shout he left the compartment.
Hermione looked up. "Well that went well"
Ginny rushed over to her and gave her a big hug. "Hermione don't listen to him! Oh god I'm so proud of you for telling us that. My brother he's just... he just. Well he loved you. Don't worry. He will come around. Me and Harry are here for you...and Neville and Luna?" she added questioningly looking at the two.
Neville nodded, looking at her, his face pale. "Whats wrong Neville?" asked Harry.
Neville blushed. "Well uhm...eh...if you're a ... a lesbian...how do you uh..?" He trailed off looking at Hermione.
Hermione blushed as well, and was saved answering from Luna.
"Oh you know. Fingers and things." Now it was Hermione's turn to be shocked.
"How do you know that?" she asked.
"Know what?" replied Luna.
"never mind Luna..."
Hermione looked at them. "So ..you guys promise your okay..and...oh god Ron." she broke into tears again. Harry looked upset and said, "I am going to go look for him okay? We will talk things out. I ... sort of hoped he would be okay with the whole... gay thing." He looked upset for a moment, then made his face stony and walked out the door, searching for his best friend. Neville was still gaping at Hermione, who said "Listen. I need some time alone okay. See you at school." , and left the compartment. Ginny looked at Neville and Luna and said, "Me too." And followed closely behind, leaving Neville and Luna alone. Luna smiled over at Neville, and said "remember what happened last time we were left alone in a room?" Neville grinned wanly, as the ravenclaw girl began walking over to him, the dreamy expression in her face fighting with a smile of seduction.
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MEANWHILE....
My mind was racing. Hermione was a dyke? She liked girls? She wasn't in love with Viktor? Oh my god...does this mean she might love me? Could this mean that I have a chance...but I am her best friends little sister...well he got pissed at her...maybe that means its okay...but I am not hot enough for her... oh my god. These thoughts and others filled my mind as I ran to the end of the train, pushing past people in the hallways. The fat lady with the lunch tray slowed me down.
"The usual sparky?"
I stopped and clamored in my pockets for some change. I handed her 5 sickles.
"Someone's antsy today 'rnt they me love?" she asked, as she pressed a pack of smokes into my hand. I shrugged and continued running down the hall way.
As I reached the back of the train I slowed down, and opened the door. Sitting on the small metal platform was Harry. I sighed. I need to smoke, he was in my fucken place.
"What are you doing back here Harry?" I asked.
"Sitting a while." He looked at the box of matches in my hand and the box that was outlined in my pocket. I hastily hid the matched and glared at him. He just laughed and motioned for me to sit across from him. I closed the door and sat down on the hard metal.
"Want to spare a smoke for a friend?" He asked, shocking the hell out of me. "You smoke?" I asked in surprise. "I know. What a surprise. Now toss one over." I handed him one of my smokes, and a magick match which he pressed against the end of the smoke lighting it instantly, with no flame. He passed it back to me and I did the same.
"So why did you start?" I asked him curiously, Hermione leaving my mind for a minute.
"What do you think? Stress."
"Wanna share?"
"Living at the Dursley's... that's when I started. Back when I was eleven. Then coming here.... All that shit with Voldemort... then Sirus dying.. and then ron...ron not..." he stopped.
I looked at him with curiosity. "Ron not what?"
"Nothing."
I looked at him, starting to grasp what was wrong. I took a long drag of my smoke, allowing it to calm my nerves and stop me shaking. The smoke billowed and was left far behind as the train continued on.
"Harry. Are you in love with Ron?"
He looked at me, I understood his silence. "You heard him in there with Hermione... he thought she was a freak. And he loves her. Not me. He loves her." I smiled at him.
"Well Mr. Famous Harry Potter. Seems you and I are in the same boat. Welcome to my world." He looked at me in shock, and I silently handed him another smoke. "Welcome to my world."
On another note... Exactly one week ago from when this is being posted, something happened to me and some friends. I live in a very liberal city where we have a huge gay community. I have been out since I was 13, and apart from a few snide comments, have never had any problem with anyone (aside from the parental units). So I was very shocked, at being harassed on the sky train ( a form of public transit). Me and a group of friends were on our way to youth quest, a gay and lesbian youth group, and two guys started calling us fags and dykes. We got uncomfortable, especially since not a single person on the sky train lifted a finger to help us. So we left. And they followed us, with shank knives and a corkscrew.
Long story short, no one was hurt. But it serves as a warning. To those who are gay and out, be careful. There are still nasty people about. To those who aren't...please don't just watch. The thing that hurt the most wasn't that these idiots harassed us. It was that THIRTY people watched, and turned their backs. A few even joined in to laugh. Be careful. Thank-you.
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The summer had passed quickly for me, as I looked forward to another year at Hogwarts. I was approaching my fifth year, and that would mean O.W.L.S but I figured I could handle them. Despite what it may seem, I am a very intelligent girl. I just don't let my brothers in on this fact. Its easier to torment them that way. The morning was filled with the usual hustle and bustle as we raced around finding this and that from various locations of the house. Or rather, my brothers did, as I sat calmly in my room, packed from the night before. I was sitting in front of my mirror, an old antique thing, but beautiful none the less. I sighed at my reflection.
"Thinking of a special someone dearie?" my mirror asked me. "no...yes...well sort of." I replied.
I was thinking of a special someone. Someone I could never have, someone out of my grasp, so close, and yet so far away. Someone who would never love me. Not the way I wanted. Never in return.
Yet still... here I was ..sitting in front of my mirror. Debating with myself how to earn a second glance, a compliment, something that I could cherish and think over later. A smile or a wink from my love meant more to me then a sack of galleons, and gods know I could use the galleons.
"Smile dearie. Your always beautiful when you smile. Never mind the silly powders and creams some girls use. Look at yourself. You know you're a knock out. Long lets, creamy skin, vibrant hair. Just knock that scowl off your face and he will be at your feet."
I did smile at that. I knew the mirror was telling the truth, I could have just about any boy at Hogwarts at my feet with the snap of my fingers. The trouble was, I didn't want just any boy at Hogwarts. I wanted the unreachable. Sighing again, I moved over to the window and opened it wide. Sitting on the windowsill, I searched through my purse for the thing that would calm me down. Fumbling around a few spare sickles and some lip-gloss, I found my pack of smokes, and lit one up with a match. Most from the magical word like wizarding cigarettes, that lit up instantly. They didn't provide me with the same relaxing calmness that good old muggle smokes gave me. Dad had something going when he said that muggles knew some things we didn't. Dragging the intoxicating smoke into my lungs, I let my body relax. I blew out the window, so the smell wouldn't contaminate the house, causing my parents to get into a fight with me. If they knew I smoked, well... they would be mad I guess. Just one extra thing to add to my stress. I took another drag, and let my mind wander back to that certain someone. With a smile on my face, I ashed my smoke out the window, and wondered what they would say when they saw how much I changed over the summer.
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The feeling in the train compartment was one of confusion and worry. Ginny, Ron, and Neville, stared at the sobbing Hermione, not understanding what was wrong. Harry seemed a little shocked, but mostly fine, and Hermione was in a horrible state. Ron rushed over to Hermione, eager to comfort the girl he had loved from afar for the past five years. Neville didn't really know what to do, awkward as always in any emotional situation. Ginny stared. She was worried out of her mind about her best friend, but didn't want to approach. She was scared of touching Hermione, didn't want to scare her away. Then, into the middle of this mess, in waltzed Luna Lovegood.
Luna surveyed the scene with her wide sleepy eyes. Her hat was perched jauntily on one side of her head, and six pony tails emerged from the other. She seemed to have abandoned her radish ear rings, for large furry balls. When her eyes feel on Hermione, she started, as if she hadn't noticed her there before.
"What's wrong Hermione? Did you get bitten by a siggnel fornlax? When you get bitten by one of those, you cry for days and days. I knew this one guy..."
"Luna." Harry cut her off, "Hermione is telling us something. You can either sit down quietly and let her talk, or you will have to leave."
Luna promptly sat down, her robes billowing around her. Hermione looked up, hiccupping. Harry looked down at her.
"Hermione. I want you to know that although I am a little shocked, I don't hate you. You are one of my best friends, and will remain that. I love you. You know that don't you?"
Hermione avoided his gaze as she nodded.
"Hermione. I don't care. I don't care if you like guys or girls or sheep. Sheep! Okay?"
Hermione couldn't help but grin at that.
"See! Your smiling."
Harry swooped down and lifted Hermione up into a big hug. Hermione hugged him back, relieved, grinning, and still crying into his robe.
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When I got to platform nine and three quarters, I looked around the platform for my love. No sign of them. Ron burst through the barrier after me, and helped me drag my trunk onto the train. We were walking up the hallway, looking for a familiar face after two months of holidays. Ron saw Harry, and ran up to him shouting. I smiled at the two, remembering when everyone thought I loved Harry Potter. I don't really know how to explain my feelings for him. I loved him, yes. It was complicated though. I was awed, and felt he was amazing, the same sort of feelings that many young girls get about famous celebrities. Not only that, but he knew my brother. All the girls in my dorm talked about this boy and that and I began to fee left out. Not knowing how to respond to all that, I began to convince myself I had a crush on Harry Potter. After a while I realized how wrong it felt. I dated several guys, slept with several more. I haven't loved any of them. While I watched their happy reunion, my heart suddenly stopped. My breathing became shallower and a faint heat rose to my ears. Down the hall, looking glorious and breathtaking, walked Hermione Granger. Her lips were closed in a small pout, her forehead crinkled in thought. Ron and Harry saw her as well and Ron grabbed her shoulder from behind causing her to jump. She jumped up and shrieked. My brother goggled at her like he always did. I shook my head. Boys.
"Hermione! You owls have been so...so BORING!!!" the dolt exclaimed. "What ever happened re writing your history of magic essay to include your trip to France?" he teased.
My brother has loved Hermione for as long as I can remember. He doesn't say so, but you can tell. Hermione smiled very weakly at them. My heart was gripped in worry. What was wrong with her. Harry, quiet and reclusive since last year, stared at her. "I guess she has...other things on her mind?" he asked her questioningly. I felt a pang for Harry as well. I loved him as a friend, despite having no attraction to him, and it didn't seem as if anyone could reach him anymore.
"Ron...Harry. There is something we need to talk about. Privately."
Her voice was full of pain. I came up slowly and attempted to be cheerful, for her sake. "Oh okay lets go then." I said, wanting to hold her, but not daring. My brother glowered at me.
"She said PRIVATELY squirt. That means not you. Scat." Anger coursed through me. I could not stand that he treated me as a child. Our age difference was only one year, and I would say that if one was to judge our maturity levels, Ron would be left far behind me. I cast around for words, trying to be diplomatic. Shouting at him would only prove I was a squirt, an annoying... fourth wheel... who was too young to understand anything of importance. Before I could open my mouth, Hermione saved me by saying, "Ginny you can come too." I glanced at her gratefully, and noticed Neville peer around the corner, watching us with interest. "Neville as well I suppose."
We all followed her into an empty compartment, and I quietly slid the door shut behind us. I sat close to her, but not close enough to cause suspicion.
"You answer all our questions about Viktor in a very ambiguous way...avoiding all our direct questions...he didn't hurt you did he?" I asked her directly. I had worried about this all summer. She usually wrote me long letters in reply to mine, but her answers had been short and impersonal. My remark caused an uproar among the boys who pounced on her, asking her questions. I just stared at her, entranced by how beautiful she was, even in such misery. It became her even, sitting there, with her silky auburn hair cascading over her back and face, casting a shadow on her comely features, draped in a black witches robe. I longed to stroke her face...run my fingers through her hair. She listened to their queries, as I let them pass over me. Then she opened her mouth and began to speak.
"You four have been my best friends...ever. Not just while at Hogwarts. I have been...thinking for a long time and I need to tell you all something. I...I think that after I tell you this... you might not be my friends anymore." Hermione glared at Ron as he began to protest. "You can have your say after I am finished. But for now let me talk. I just... need you to know that I love you all very much. So even if you hate me when I am finished...well. I guess that's the chance I take. I just cant keep this in any longer. Viktor and I dated for a while...you all know that. But I had to break up with him. I told him why I did, and ...well he was very sweet about it. He still writes me all the time...and we are good friends so Harry I see you looking like your about to kill him, he did nothing wrong. Its all me. I ...I ... I am a lesbian."
This did absolutely nothing to clarify anything for me. What the fuck is a lesbian I thought to myself? Does she have some sort of weird disease? I stared at her...waiting for some sort of explanation.
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Harry sat Hermione back down and faced everyone else. Hermione put her face into her hands, not able to listen to him as he spoke.
"I guess lesbian is a muggle word...none of you know what gay is do you?" All he received was blank stares. He took a deep breath. "Well...we all know that guys and girls like each other.." Ginny looked up at him sharply. "Well sometimes, in the muggle world, some people are born who don't like people of the opposite sex. Like...some boys...like to have sex with other boys" he proclaimed awkwardly, with a side glance at Ron, "And I guess...I don't know.." He finished pathetically. Everyone looked at him. Harry turned red, trying to think of what else to say, "And well... in the muggle world this is a big thing...people tend to hate these people. Like... aren't friends with them and beat them up and such."
Ron and Neville were the epitome of confusion, Ginny was staring avidly at Harry, and Luna looked spacy. Everyone was silent for a moment.
"So Hermione is a lesbian. And a lesbian is a boy who likes other boys." Stated Luna.
Harry looked exasperated, "No. A lesbian is a GIRL who likes other girls."
Silence again. Then Ron looked up at Hermione, his face contorted. "What the fuck. You're a dyke?" Hermione cringed. Apparently the derogatory terms in the muggle world, were used in the wizarding one. "What the FUCK Hermione. I ..I ...AND Harry??? YOUR OKAY WITH THIS? What the hell is wrong with you guys? Ginny...? Neville? LUNA?? The fuck you guys are all out of your tree. Your sick Hermione. SICK" and with a strangled shout he left the compartment.
Hermione looked up. "Well that went well"
Ginny rushed over to her and gave her a big hug. "Hermione don't listen to him! Oh god I'm so proud of you for telling us that. My brother he's just... he just. Well he loved you. Don't worry. He will come around. Me and Harry are here for you...and Neville and Luna?" she added questioningly looking at the two.
Neville nodded, looking at her, his face pale. "Whats wrong Neville?" asked Harry.
Neville blushed. "Well uhm...eh...if you're a ... a lesbian...how do you uh..?" He trailed off looking at Hermione.
Hermione blushed as well, and was saved answering from Luna.
"Oh you know. Fingers and things." Now it was Hermione's turn to be shocked.
"How do you know that?" she asked.
"Know what?" replied Luna.
"never mind Luna..."
Hermione looked at them. "So ..you guys promise your okay..and...oh god Ron." she broke into tears again. Harry looked upset and said, "I am going to go look for him okay? We will talk things out. I ... sort of hoped he would be okay with the whole... gay thing." He looked upset for a moment, then made his face stony and walked out the door, searching for his best friend. Neville was still gaping at Hermione, who said "Listen. I need some time alone okay. See you at school." , and left the compartment. Ginny looked at Neville and Luna and said, "Me too." And followed closely behind, leaving Neville and Luna alone. Luna smiled over at Neville, and said "remember what happened last time we were left alone in a room?" Neville grinned wanly, as the ravenclaw girl began walking over to him, the dreamy expression in her face fighting with a smile of seduction.
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MEANWHILE....
My mind was racing. Hermione was a dyke? She liked girls? She wasn't in love with Viktor? Oh my god...does this mean she might love me? Could this mean that I have a chance...but I am her best friends little sister...well he got pissed at her...maybe that means its okay...but I am not hot enough for her... oh my god. These thoughts and others filled my mind as I ran to the end of the train, pushing past people in the hallways. The fat lady with the lunch tray slowed me down.
"The usual sparky?"
I stopped and clamored in my pockets for some change. I handed her 5 sickles.
"Someone's antsy today 'rnt they me love?" she asked, as she pressed a pack of smokes into my hand. I shrugged and continued running down the hall way.
As I reached the back of the train I slowed down, and opened the door. Sitting on the small metal platform was Harry. I sighed. I need to smoke, he was in my fucken place.
"What are you doing back here Harry?" I asked.
"Sitting a while." He looked at the box of matches in my hand and the box that was outlined in my pocket. I hastily hid the matched and glared at him. He just laughed and motioned for me to sit across from him. I closed the door and sat down on the hard metal.
"Want to spare a smoke for a friend?" He asked, shocking the hell out of me. "You smoke?" I asked in surprise. "I know. What a surprise. Now toss one over." I handed him one of my smokes, and a magick match which he pressed against the end of the smoke lighting it instantly, with no flame. He passed it back to me and I did the same.
"So why did you start?" I asked him curiously, Hermione leaving my mind for a minute.
"What do you think? Stress."
"Wanna share?"
"Living at the Dursley's... that's when I started. Back when I was eleven. Then coming here.... All that shit with Voldemort... then Sirus dying.. and then ron...ron not..." he stopped.
I looked at him with curiosity. "Ron not what?"
"Nothing."
I looked at him, starting to grasp what was wrong. I took a long drag of my smoke, allowing it to calm my nerves and stop me shaking. The smoke billowed and was left far behind as the train continued on.
"Harry. Are you in love with Ron?"
He looked at me, I understood his silence. "You heard him in there with Hermione... he thought she was a freak. And he loves her. Not me. He loves her." I smiled at him.
"Well Mr. Famous Harry Potter. Seems you and I are in the same boat. Welcome to my world." He looked at me in shock, and I silently handed him another smoke. "Welcome to my world."