Disclaimer: I don't own Rfr. I don't own anything. Except for the lurvely seasons of Queer as Folk on DVD, but that doesn't really count.
Warning: Slash. Suicide. All that wonderful angst.
Notes: Set sometime after the season final ... And ... Well, I'd say it is confusing. It's basically Travis ... And anything that's italic that says him is Traivs on Ray ... I guess that's how you'd put it. And anything else that's italic is Travis thoughts.
The first time's the hardest, he thinks, Or at least that's what they say.
At least that's what he thinks, but now he's not even sure who says that. Or if it's even said. Or if that's even what they say.
And he laughs. Maybe it was the first cut's the hardest.
And he laughs again at this.
Cut.
That's his new favorite word now ... Before ... Before his favorite words were ... Complicated ... And complex. But this word, this word is simple. Easy. It has meaning.
Unlike the other words ... Like ... Before ...
... Before ... Lily ... And Robbie ...
... And Ray ...
Before that stupid kiss ...
And he chokes down a sob. Because, he never meant to hurt him. All it was supposed to do was make him jealous.
And a voice inside him scoffs at this, and whispers to him, 'But isn't that what jealousy is? Hurting some one you love, but so they'll love you more?'
And he nods at this, but the voice just laughs, and continues on, 'But your plan backfired, didn't it? Because he doesn't love you ... anymore.'
And he sobs, nodding at this.
And he sighs because ... before has passed. And now he's new. And they're new. And he still wants him. But he knows that'll he'll never want him again.
And he whimpers at this, and the blade presses in more, and his mind screams out 'Cut' in his head.
He laughs, staring at the blood trickling down. And he sighs because suddenly he thinks 'My soul is crying.'
And now he's crying, but laughing. And it presses deeper, and he thinks to himself, 'My souls crying' again.
And when he blinks, he realizes he's falling ... and falling ... And then ...
"Travis, oh god, what did you do."
And wants to open his mouth. To speak. Because it's him. But all he can manage to get out is, "R-r."
And he's still saying it over and over again.
And he sighs softly, leaning further into the arms he hadn't even realized were around him. And now he's trying again, "Ray ... I ... 'ways ... loved ... you ..."
And he hears him sob, and he wants to stop him. And he realizes his hand is already on his cheek. And he wonders for a moment why it's odd that there's red on his cheek ... And ... It's pink now ... Pink on his cheek ...
He finds this odd ... again ... Pink ... and he realizes that it's pink because there was blood on his hand, and tears on his cheek.
But another part of him finds it incredibly funny, 'Your soul and his heart are crying ... and breaking.'
He smiles at this, because somehow, that's good ... And he realizes everything's fading ... But suddenly that's okay ... Because everything's peaceful now ... And he smiles again, as he closes his eyes, and feels something wet sliding down his face ...
But it's not from himself ... It's from him ... And he smiles again, as he thinks ...
I guess that means you loved me ...
And he lets go ...
end.
Warning: Slash. Suicide. All that wonderful angst.
Notes: Set sometime after the season final ... And ... Well, I'd say it is confusing. It's basically Travis ... And anything that's italic that says him is Traivs on Ray ... I guess that's how you'd put it. And anything else that's italic is Travis thoughts.
The first time's the hardest, he thinks, Or at least that's what they say.
At least that's what he thinks, but now he's not even sure who says that. Or if it's even said. Or if that's even what they say.
And he laughs. Maybe it was the first cut's the hardest.
And he laughs again at this.
Cut.
That's his new favorite word now ... Before ... Before his favorite words were ... Complicated ... And complex. But this word, this word is simple. Easy. It has meaning.
Unlike the other words ... Like ... Before ...
... Before ... Lily ... And Robbie ...
... And Ray ...
Before that stupid kiss ...
And he chokes down a sob. Because, he never meant to hurt him. All it was supposed to do was make him jealous.
And a voice inside him scoffs at this, and whispers to him, 'But isn't that what jealousy is? Hurting some one you love, but so they'll love you more?'
And he nods at this, but the voice just laughs, and continues on, 'But your plan backfired, didn't it? Because he doesn't love you ... anymore.'
And he sobs, nodding at this.
And he sighs because ... before has passed. And now he's new. And they're new. And he still wants him. But he knows that'll he'll never want him again.
And he whimpers at this, and the blade presses in more, and his mind screams out 'Cut' in his head.
He laughs, staring at the blood trickling down. And he sighs because suddenly he thinks 'My soul is crying.'
And now he's crying, but laughing. And it presses deeper, and he thinks to himself, 'My souls crying' again.
And when he blinks, he realizes he's falling ... and falling ... And then ...
"Travis, oh god, what did you do."
And wants to open his mouth. To speak. Because it's him. But all he can manage to get out is, "R-r."
And he's still saying it over and over again.
And he sighs softly, leaning further into the arms he hadn't even realized were around him. And now he's trying again, "Ray ... I ... 'ways ... loved ... you ..."
And he hears him sob, and he wants to stop him. And he realizes his hand is already on his cheek. And he wonders for a moment why it's odd that there's red on his cheek ... And ... It's pink now ... Pink on his cheek ...
He finds this odd ... again ... Pink ... and he realizes that it's pink because there was blood on his hand, and tears on his cheek.
But another part of him finds it incredibly funny, 'Your soul and his heart are crying ... and breaking.'
He smiles at this, because somehow, that's good ... And he realizes everything's fading ... But suddenly that's okay ... Because everything's peaceful now ... And he smiles again, as he closes his eyes, and feels something wet sliding down his face ...
But it's not from himself ... It's from him ... And he smiles again, as he thinks ...
I guess that means you loved me ...
And he lets go ...
end.