GI Joe, The Movie: Evo-tized!

To Metal Dragon1: I agree with you about Pyro and Firestorm liking Burner. You think I'm missing some reviews? If that's the case, then please re-post them! BTW, how soon is the new chapter of 'Take the Long Way Home' going to be posted? I just can't wait to read it!

To Red Witch: Yeah, I can't exactly remember how those training scenes went. So, if I screw this up, sorry! But Beach Head will be driven nuts either way.

To Aaron: Mayday/Paige Adams and Vorona/Daina Janack are both characters from the new GI Joe comics. Hi-Tech is a character from the Spy Troops movie and is a newer action figure. Yep, the new Misfits are Firestar, Spyder, Longshot, and Beast King. I want to bring in Arcade later on. I'm still wary of him. Of course I had to get Longshot and Dazzler together! They hooked up in the comics, didn't they? As for casualties, I have no idea.

To Wizard1: Glad you like the new recruits! I have no idea what 'Vorona' means. I heard that was going to be Daina's new codename. I don't know too much about Shatterstar, so I don't plan to bring him in anytime soon, and there's that confusing thing with him and the patient. That's part of the reason for Kyle's attitude. Yeah, you definitely do not want to be in Cobra's shoes.

To Sparky Genocide: Well, Dial-Up isn't as annoyed by Jester as she claims. Actually, Hi-Tech, Vorona, and Mayday are not original characters. See my response to Aaron's review. I may bring Spiral in soon. I don't plan to bring Arcade in right now. Well, let's find out how the new guys drive Beach-Head nuts!

Let's get this story over 100 reviews! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!

It's Profile Time Again! *Crowd hoots, hollers, cheers, and claps* Now we look at a Joe who lives a life of flame, a man who can tackle any raging inferno, Barbecue

Barbecue

Real Name: Gabriel A. Kelly (He is not related to Senator Robert E. Kelly)

Affiliation: Army

Rank: E-4

Primary Military Specialty: Fireman

Secondary Military Specialty: Infantry, Misfit Handler (Pyro)

Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts

Bio: Barbecue would have been the seventh in a direct line of Kellys to serve the Boston Fire Department. He loves riding fire trucks, and he enjoys the sound of sirens wailing. He also enjoys the fact that as a fireman, he gets to kick doors down and brandish an axe.

Barbecue is more known for being a party animal. He knows almost every party trick there is, and he knows exactly how to liven up an occasion. Recently, Barbecue joined the small group of Joes that ended up in the care of a teenage mutant. In Los Angeles, Barbecue helped rescue the Australian mutant pyrokinetic St. John Allerdyce, codenamed Pyro. Pyro had been betrayed and left for dead by his fellow Acolytes. Barbecue and Pyro bonded after that, and when Pyro joined the Misfits, Barbecue was named Pyro's handler.

The other Misfits often joke that Barbecue and Pyro are perfect for each other: St. John loves starting fires, and Barbecue enjoys putting them out!

Chapter 7: Training in Insanity!

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(The GI Joe base training area)

Beach Head stood in front of an obstacle course, with all the standard equipment. With him was the mutant recruits Firestar, Spyder, Longshot, and Beast King.

"Okay, you little maggots." He said. "This obstacle course has some lasers and your standard obstacles. Now I want you to navigate this course as fast as you can." He looked at the recruits. Now which one of these newbies can I torture first? The pretty boy with the three-fingered hands sounds like a good first victim. "Longshot, go!" The Mojoworld native only shrugged and walked through the course in a calm manner. The lasers that adorned the course fired at him. Now, at the speed the Mojoworld warrior walked, the lasers would hit him for sure. But thanks to his good luck powers, the lasers never even grazed him! He calmly walked to the other side, then waved with a grin to a bug-eyed Beach Head.

"Hi!" He grinned. Beach-Head grumbled.

"I hate him. Okay, Surfer Bum, you try!" He said to Jack.

"Dude, you seriously need to take a chill!" Jack grinned. He looked at the obstacle course. "Dude." He turned into a mole and dug into the ground. He tunneled under the obstacle course. He re-emerged on the other side, turned back into human form, then waved with a grin. "Hey Beach Ball! I did it!" Beach Head's eyes bugged out again.

"Oh come on!" He moaned. "Alright!" He sighed. "Firestar, Spyder, let's see you get through this." The twosome shrugged. Firestar took to the air and flew over the course, Spyder following. Firestar used heat beams to melt the laser cannons, and any she missed fell under Spyder's electro-webs. Beach Head grumbled.

"I hate working with mutant kids." Beach Head growled.

"I'm gonna go talk to that Farrah-haired girl." Longshot grinned as he walked off.

"I'm gonna go surf." Beast King laughed.

"In the mountains?!" Spyder asked in disbelief.

"Mountain surfing?" Jack thought about it for a second. "AWESOME!!!!!" He ran off, morphing into a cheetah. Firestar decided to follow him in the air. Spyder scuttled after them. Beach Head noticed the adult recruits, Hi-Tech, Vorona, Burner, and Mayday walking up to him.

"Maybe we can finally get some sane training done around here." Beach Head grumbled.

"Remember the plan, guys." Hi-Tech whispered to the other three Joes, who nodded with a snicker.

"Go!" Beach Head called. What the four Joes did next caused Beach Head to jump up and down and scream out every curse word known to man. Hi-Tech ran first, using the weird powers he obtained as a child. His eyes glowed electronic green, as did the lasers. He mentally commanded them to shut down. As soon as Hi-Tech took off, the others followed. Mayday used her mutant sight to keep everyone appraised, and Vorona and Burner used their sniper rifle and flamethrower to take care of the obstacles. "OF ALL THE MOTHER$%#@^* @$^@&#!#!$#*$@@%^#*#*#@^!^#$*$#^@&#%@!&#@^*!&##@&$^@*#&@^#*@$&^@*$^@(*#^*@^#*^#*@^#&@!#^%#*!&#*&!@%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!" The four Joes laughed their heads off as they walked away.

"See you around, Pickle Head!" Hi-Tech called.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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(The Stockade)

"Kyle, please don't screw this up! We need you to guard the perimeter!" Blob snapped. He and Duke were talking to Kyle in the perimeter guard room.

"Okay, okay sheesh!" Kyle grumbled. With a smile, he leaned back on his swivel chair and put his yellow boot-covered feet on the console. "Just keep that jabroni Lina away from me. She's as dependable as an alcoholic at a wine-taster's convention."

"Why you--?" Fred made a motion to knock Kyle's teeth out, but Duke held him back.

"Easy, Fred. He's just doing it to tick you off." Duke said. Fred calmed down.

"And she also is as useful in a bar brawl as a wet noodle. Sorry. I take that back. A wet noodle is useful in a fight compared to her." Kyle added with a laugh.

"YOU'RE DEAD!!!" Fred tried to bash Kyle's skull in again. However, he was stopped by the sound of giggling. Falcon walked in, a pretty blonde lady with him, clad in a pink dress.

"Hey Fred, that chick sounds like she could kick some butt, compared to your girlfriend." Kyle smirked, pointing at the blonde. "The Thunderbolt prefers hot kick-butt chicks, not deformed cowards."  

"Why you little-?!" Blob made a motion to strangle Kyle, but Kyle's smaller size made him faster and more agile than the Blob, allowing him to easily dodge the Blob and run away. He ran around the room laughing, an angry Fred hot on his heels.

"Who is this?!" Duke snapped at Falcon, pointing at the blonde.

"My girlfriend Heather." Falcon replied.

"You goofball! You know civilians are not allowed on the base without advance notification and authorization! It's for security reasons!" Unbeknownst to the three, Fred, or Kyle, the console computer activated, and data briefly flashed on it for a moment.

"I thought it was authorized!" Falcon explained.

"Uh-huh." Duke nodded, crossing his arms. He noticed the camera around Heather's neck. "Excuse me, ma'am." He gently took the camera off her, popped open the back, and pulled the film out.

"Hey!" She exclaimed. In the background, Kyle's laughing and Fred's snarling and yelling could be heard.

"Sorry." Duke apologized. "Standard procedure, ma'am." He handed the camera back. "Falcon, get her out of here!" Falcon sighed. "Scratch that, I will! Falcon, take over for Thunderbolt. It's obvious he's not going to do his job!" Duke walked away with Heather. Falcon walked to the two mutants.

"Fred, Kyle, you two help the others guard Serpentor. I got this." Falcon grinned. The two shrugged and went inside. Falcon sat at his post, until he noticed Mayday walk by, still laughing after the incident at training that drove Beach Head crazy. Falcon grinned.

"Hey Mayday!" He ran off, abandoning his post. In the stockade, the gang met up. They all shot looks at Kyle.

"Look Kyle, we know you don't like Dragonfly. But she's gonna be here in case something happens and someone ends up hurt." Alpine warned.

"Everyone watch him." Sunfire whispered to the other mutants. "I fear for Dragonfly for some reason."

So do I, Sunfire. So do I. Fred gulped.

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(The swamps)

Heather walked out of the swamps, triumphant smirk on her face. She threw off her hat and wig, revealing herself to be Zarana.

"I can't believe that bloody worked!" She laughed. "It worked like a charm, Virus." She looked around. "Virus? Virus? Where are you?" Her question was answered when she heard insane laughing. As well as see a rock floating in the air, scrawling the words "Althea loves Virus 4ever" over and over on the tree. "VIRUS!!!" Virus made himself visible, using a light refracting device he built hidden in his belt. "Did you get the information?"

"Yeah, I did. I got everything. The layouts, and info on defenses!" Virus cackled. "I hope Pythona keeps her promise. I want Althea alive. She can mutate Toad into a gecko for all I care. I built a machine that'll free Althea from the spell she's under! Then we can be happy again!" He turned his head around rapidly over and over. "Hear that? She's calling me! I can hear her in my mind! She needs help! Toad's going to make my sweet water angel bear his monstrous offspring!"

"Ho brother." Zarana grumbled. "You're an insane idiot, you know that?"

Uh oh! I think the Joes are in trouble! What is causing Sunfire and Blob's fear for Dragonfly? Will Cobra get the BET? What do they plan to do with it? Will Falcon ever stop goofing off? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!