Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Warning: You shouldn't read this. It's sick.
Pairing: None, yet.
Rating: Well, PG 13 for weirdness and headaches people tend to get when reading what I write.
Several unnecessary dispensable ideas for the amusement of innocent bystanders
They were all eating and talking happily. Everything was cheerful. Then the headmaster intended to speak. He tried for several minutes to get the lot, called his students, to shut up. First he was getting angry. His face seemed to darken. Just when he was about to reach tomato red, he got the idea of his life: He shouted.
"Shut the fuck up you fucking disciples!!!!" It was too late, when he remembered that disciples could be used the wrong way too. But there wasn't anyone who really listened anyway. Since the day, the dreadful day, Draco Malfoy had done it, (like Voldemort was called 'you know who' the happening was called 'it') the students weren't able to be quiet anymore. It was weird but, seemingly the Slytherins and the Gryffindors had to tell each other a lot. Maybe they just needed to catch up with the other tables, since they had never any correspondence anytime. Or it was the summer.
"We have free ice for everyone," Harry Potter, the little Gryffin-freak said calmly and silenced with this one sentence the whole great hall. He had started to be a real brat after the Slytherins were becoming his friends. But still- he knew how to silence the hall. "Not," he added and a sly smirk spread over his lips. Everyone groaned.
"Now that you are silent would you be so kind and hear what I have to say?" The old wizard, tried to impress with friendly words. It worked, as it would always work. "You can't blame you know who for all the bad things which happen in the wizard world. I decided we shall blame Longbottom instead." Everyone stared at the little Gryffindor. It was dead silent. Suddenly Potter pointed at him.
"Ha ha! He he! Loser!!!" He giggled manically.
"Hey Harry bud, he killed your parents." Ron said.
"Yep."
"Aren't you angry?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"…I love him." He said and took out a ring and held it in Longbottom's direction.
"Will you marry me?"
Of course that didn't happen. Instead he stared at Ron.
"Hey…you are right!" Took out his wand and killed Longbottom.
The headmaster groaned. -The bill for the many coffins was getting really high.
"Harry you can't just kill people!" Hermione announced. Harry looked really confused.
"Why not?" He asked. Hermione couldn't answer such a direct question. She ran into the library and looked it up. In one of the very intelligent books stood:
You shall never kill, for it is not necessary in this developed culture to get your own hands bloody. You shall take Tesa and stick it on your enemy's mouth.
She didn't know what Tesa was and looked that (too) up in another one of her intelligent books:
Tesa is the very first thing you need for war. It was used many times in human's and wizard's inconsistencies.
Hermione was still confused. She took another book:
When you take Tesa and put it into a potion the potion isn't affected in any way.
Hermione scratched her head. This was difficult. She took another book:
Tesa is Sellotape you stupid bitch!
Hermione closed the book and smiled brightly. She ran back into the great hall.
"Did you know that Tesa is Sellotape?" She asked Harry. Harry was busy killing someone and didn't reply. Hermione stared at the dead body and thought she had forgotten something. She just couldn't get what it was.
Ron, however started poking Longbottom.