(Disclaimer; I own nothing but my mind)
I am aware that this story contains author's notes. They were put in before I even knew ff.net existed, because this was originally written for some friends of mine. Frankly, I'm just too damn lazy to go through and take them out *grin* so if you want to go complain feel free, you spoilsport.
The night of the ball had arrived. Tulah was standing miserably in her dorm, wearing the dress she had spent most of her savings on in Hogsmeade that afternoon. Not that it would be much good, she thought miserably, since she wasn't going to be able to do her hair or put on any make-up to go with it.
"Lindsay, please," she began again. "I only want it for one night. Just give me back my stuff this once."
"Just once?" said Lindsay contemplatively.
"Yeah," said Tulah, hardly daring to hope.
"Hmmm…no."
"Who're you tarting yourself up for anyway, Page?" asked Jessica, Lindsay's friend. "It's not as if you've got any friends, let alone a boyfriend."
Tulah felt the hot, angry tears building up behind her eyes again. She jabbed her wand at Lindsay. "Expelliarmus!"
The hairbrush she had been wanting flew out of Lindsay's hands and Tulah caught it deftly. Ignoring Lindsay's scream of protest, she stalked into the bathroom trying to hold back her sobs.
She wanted to fit in for one night; that was all.
Though it probably wouldn't hurt to try and hold on to the hairbrush she'd gone to so much trouble to regain. Lindsay had been stealing her stuff since she'd arrived, and Tulah had never dared to complain before. She did think it was a bit unfair that Lindsay made fun of her for having hair 'like rat's tails' when it was Lindsay's fault in the first place.
Diary,
So…I've been here about twenty minutes, after spending an hour in the bathroom yanking the tangles out of my hair and making sure my eyes aren't red with crying for once. Then, just to be sure, I dyed it. My hair I mean. Not sure why…no wait, I am. It's because I don't want Lindsay and her friends on my back the whole ball. Tonight, I'm going to have fun…on my own…
I don't think anyone recognises me. It's really weird. I mean, I'm not dancing with anyone or anything but no-one's giving me that kind of pained look or making fun of me, like they normally do.
Everyone else is dancing, and the usual couples are making out…Lily Evans and James Potter are really going for it…!
Sirius Black's dancing with Lindsay, of course, but he doesn't look half as enthusiastic as James – in fact, he's not even talking to Lindsay, he's laughing at something Remus Lupin said over her shoulder.
Something tells me there's going to big trouble…
Sirius was royally pissed off; Lindsay, although she had only just consented to dance with him, was going through one of her 'pay me more attention' stages. She was all over him, even though he'd told her again and again that he wasn't in the mood tonight. Eventually he simply let go of her and walked off, leaving her gaping like a goldfish in his wake.
Remus caught up with him as he headed for the Entrance Hall.
"Where you off to?"
"Nowhere," said Sirius shortly.
"Lindsay says she'll never speak to you again after you humiliated her like that."
"Right." Sirius wasn't listening.
"You are still on for that prank tonight, aren't you?" asked Remus hopefully. It was a good one, and they'd spent the best part of the week planning it.
"Of course I am."
Remus nodded, reassured that his friend wasn't completely off his head, and left Sirius to it.
Sirius wandered through the grounds in the vague direction of the rose garden, hoping to catch one of his friends there. At least it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than what was going on in the Hall. Instead he found it strangely empty. Well…maybe it was a bit early; at 8.30, the ball had just started and most of the couples weren't there yet.
There was one person there, sitting alone on the steps down to the garden. She was staring up at the half-moon with a thoughtful look on her face. She was alone, which was unusual in itself; and worse, Sirius didn't recognise her. He was rather ashamed to find that there was a girl in the school whose name he didn't know… and decided to amend the problem as soon as possible. This resolved, he crept up to the girl and leaned down.
"Where's your boyfriend gone then?" he said in her ear, sitting next to her with a grin.
She jumped then twisted her head round to glare at him. "I don't have one," she replied coldly.
::What's wrong with her?:: he wondered, rather worried. Girls were never cold or scornful when he talked to them. They usually either giggled hysterically or tried to get closer to him…or both. This particular girl was doing neither.
Then he got even more worried because now she was smiling, and Sirius Black was not used to being laughed at. "What?" he asked, running a harassed hand through his black hair. "Do I have a spot on my nose or something? What?" he repeated as she stifled a giggle.
"Y-you don't recognise me, do you?" she said between outbursts.
"Um…no." He was suddenly struck by a terrible thought, and quickly asked, "I haven't slept with you have I?"
That did it, she was really laughing now; so hard, in fact, that tears streamed down her cheeks. "N-no…not that I remember…"
"Then what?"
She looked rather thoughtful for a moment. "Come on."
She was on her feet now, tugging at the arm of his dress robes. He stood up, bewildered. "Would you like to tell me where we're going?" he asked hopefully. "Just out of interest."
"Nope." She answered over her shoulder as she started walking.
For some reason best known to herself, his mysterious friend had led him to the fountain in the grounds…and now, even weirder, she had stuck her head under it. Sirius was starting to feel slightly unsettled by it all.
…so, I took my head out from under the water, blonde once more – it wasn't even semi-permanent dye – and he kinda made this funny 'P-puh?' noise, which made me laugh again. "Oh, it's you," he muttered, all nonchalant, trying to make out that he knew all along. Then he got a bit mad because I kept laughing…but it was so funny, I couldn't stop! He got it in the end though, and we just sat and laughed our heads off for ages.
When we'd stopped he went all serious on me (A/N; Serious, Sirius, geddit? No? Ah well. B/N: That is a siriusly sad joke! Tee hee!) and goes, "So, why'd you dye your hair?"
"Because," I replied oh-so-tactfully, "I don't want your girlfriend to make my life hell."
And he looked all sad, and went, "She's not my girlfriend." And he told me about how Lindsay won't let him go out with her or anything, and how whenever he suggests it she just backs off. "I just don't get it," he finished. "I can have any girl I want…but the one girl I do want, I can't get."
Talk about conceited! 'I can have any girl I want'
Well, you couldn't have me, Sirius Black, even if you wanted me!
(A/N; famous last words…oops, I'm sorry, did I just give away that otherwise completely unpredictable plot???)
"Still, never mind," said Sirius mock-cheerfully. "Term ends tomorrow…"
"Yeah…"
Sirius noticed the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. Turning to look at her he cocked his head to one side. "Aren't you happy about that? You get away from here at least."
Tulah shrugged and stared out at the grounds, her eyes rather distant. "I guess…" she replied in a small voice that told him that she really didn't. "Home isn't so great right now," she said quietly. "My parents are muggles; they don't really understand about the whole 'wizard' thing."
Sirius saw the look on her face and recognized it; it mirrored his own almost to perfection. "If it makes you feel any better, home isn't amazing for me either."
Tulah turned and fixed him with an incredulous look, "But…your parents are wizards," she protested. "They must understand."
Sirius made a face and replied, "It's not the wizard thing that they don't understand."
"I'm not a dutiful enough son for them," he continued matter-of-factly. "Because I'm not ashamed that I didn't get into Slytherin and I don't hang around with my Slytherin cousins…and I do hang around with James, Rem and Peter." (A/N; dirty, DIRTY rat! *Steam gushes out of ears*)
Tulah's eyes were wide. "Oh yeah," Sirius added. "And because I won't stop pranking Snapie." He grinned his famous cheeky grin. As he took in Tulah's shocked expression, the grin widened, "Ah…speaking of pranking, we're in serious need of a helper for tonight's prank. Would you like to do the honours?" He paused before adding hastily, "I promise I'll make sure Snape kills me not you."
Tulah was still too stunned by what he had said to dwell long on his request. "I thought-" she whispered hoarsely. He looked up at her through his dark fringe, which had flopped over his eyes for the hundredth time that night, and she realised he had been trying to change the subject. "I thought," she continued more confidently. "That your life was perfect."
He laughed shortly - and an image of a certain large, black dog sprang unbidden into Tulah's mind. "I wish," said Sirius bitterly. "Here – yeah." He smiled through his resentment. "Here…it's as close to perfect as I can get. Apart from Lins, that is. But home," he said flatly, "Is shit. My parents hate me…my brother hates me…I hate everyone…I escape to James or Rem's as soon as I can, of course. But I have to go back first, you know?"
Tulah smiled grimly, and Sirius found once more that her expression mirrored his own. "I know." ::And she does, as well…:: Sirius realised in surprise. "But you can get away, can't you? Like you said, James or Remus would have you for months at a time if you asked them. I…" She didn't finish, instead turning to stare into the gleaming waters of the fountain.
"You can't get away," Sirius finished for her, his voice soft. She nodded mutely, and half-turned away to hide her tears.
Sirius felt awkward and out of place, not sure whether to hold her close or lend her his shoulder. The feeling of indecision unnerved him so he decided on something different.
Half to cheer her up and half to change the subject, he said brightly, "So, about that prank…?"
She wiped her eyes, and turned to face him with a watery smile that was gradually growing mischievous. "I'm listening."
Tulah dragged her trunk off the Hogwarts Express, the feeling of isolation already growing in the pit of her stomach. As she walked through the barrier, she could see James and Remus promising Sirius that they'd write and that he could come and stay whenever he wanted.
::At least you can get out…::
Her mother was waiting by the car. She shoved Tulah's trunk in the boot, hustled her in before she could be seen by anyone respectable, and drove away. Tulah pressed her face silently against the window and watched the station fade into the distance.
11 June
Diary,
Today I sat in my room…
12 June
Diary,
Today I sat in my room.
13 June
Sat in my room.
14 June
Room.
"SIRIUS," shrieked his mother. "Get down here!"
Sirius raised a tousled head from his pillow, peered out from under the duvet, saw her ascending the stairs through the open door of his room, and retreated back undercover.
A second later his refuge was gone and his mother was standing over him. "Up," she commanded harshly. "Now." He made a grab for the duvet. It was whisked out his reach. "Your cousins are coming to stay," she informed him icily. "You will be up and ready to greet them, or you will not go back to school at the end of these holidays."
Sirius death-stared her to hide his alarm and climbed slowly out of bed, shivering. From pure spite, he pulled on a Gryffindor sweatshirt with his oldest jeans before going down stairs for breakfast.
An hour later, having been forced to change into a green and grey Slytherin shirt by his furious father, he sat slouched in a chair in the hallway waiting for his cousins to arrive.
Sirius hated his cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa, with a fiery vengeance. It wasn't only their attitude to half-bloods and muggle-borns, or the way they never lost the opportunity to ridicule him; it was the way the rest of his family seemed to take their side in it. All in all, he thought glumly, they were almost as bad as his brother…no, not quite. Sirius hated Regulus more than anyone else, except perhaps his mother.
His other cousin Andromeda wasn't so bad; but, as his mother had taken immense pleasure in informing him, Andry was staying with a friend and wouldn't be coming.
::Don't blame her!:: he thought savagely, I'd stay with friends…if only I could…::
He was awoken from his reverie by the unwelcome sound of the front door opening.
Opening his eyes, he found his cousins standing over him. Bella, tall and slim and with heavily-lidded eyes, was very much the leader whereas Narcissa - a smaller, blonder version of Bella - didn't seem to be able to think for herself but did almost whatever her sister told her to.
"Having a nap, Siri-wiri?" Bella cooed; her mocking voice gratingly high. Narcissa giggled. Sirius sat up and fixed her with a glare of intense hatred…which turned to an ingratiating smile as his mother rounded the corner from the sitting-room. "Bella, Cissie, great to see you," he beamed.
His mother gave him a suspicious look before going down the steps to the kitchen to bully the house-elves.
"Trixie and the Narc," sneered Sirius as soon as she was out of hearing. Bella pursed her lips.
"How's your muggle-loving friend Potter, then?" she asked. "And his mudblood girlfriend? And what about the werewolf?"
Sirius' mother appeared again at the top of the stairs just in time to stop him from leaping for Bellatrix's throat. Sirius stood back sullenly, his jaw set.
"Come on, dears," his mother trilled – Sirius could only assume she meant the girls; he couldn't remember when she had last called him 'dear' – "There's tea in the sitting room."
Sirius smothered a groan of despair.
It was the worst week of his life. Not only did he have his cousins to contend with, but James and Remus had both chosen this week to go on holiday and, wherever they were, his owls were not reaching them. Lindsay hadn't spoken or written to him since the night of the ball. Desperate for someone to talk to, he picked up his quill, grabbed some spare parchment, and began to write.