**A/N: thank you once again to xtremlybold for reviewing, it really does
mean a lot that you did. If you have any questions or anything, post in a
review and I'll reply at the bottom of the next chapter. Enjoy-Kiera**
So, I've dragged you into my life, taken you briefly through the happiest three months of my life and we've ended up here. Yes, as you read this in a way you're with me. You've been here before, but spare a thought for me. I visit this place every single day. I need to set the scene more appropraitly. I had spent two hours in Adam's kitchen, talking to Chris, mostly about Jeff and how he'd spent all night with Claire. I explained how I felt I wasn't good enough for him but Chris reassured me that Jeff loved me, everyone could see it. Midnight came, we crowded into the front room to welcome in 2004 as a group of friends. Jeff kissed me, briefly and whispered
"Happy New year baby."
Then he was gone, back to Claire. I sank onto the sofa, suddenly feeling numb and Adam's friend Daniel had given me a glass of champagne. I immediatly slammed it down on the speaker next to me, got to me feet and informed Adam I was going for a walk. Believe me, it was bitterly cold and I started crying straight away. Daniel ran after me and I told him I needed the fresh air. The rain soaked me within minutes, my hair clumped together in what I called 'rat's tails' and drops of water dripped off my nose and random intervals. I kept telling myself I'd go around just one more corner and I'd feel better. The god's honest truth, Avril Lavigne was wailing in my head.
I'm standing on a bridge I'm waiting in the dark I thought that's you'd be here by now. There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound
I know I'm not the only person in the world to have ever gone through that horrible feeling. The one that feels like you're standing at the edge of the cliff and you close you're eyes. You know the push is coming, you can feel it. You'd do anything to stop it, but you know soon you're going to start falling, that'll there'll be nothing but air, no one to catch you. I knew, as I wandered frozen, lonely and scared that Freddy Kruger was going to jump out and hack me into tiny Brody shaped pieces, I knew it was over. It still didn't in any way prepare me for it, for the push. Nothing in this world could of prepared me for how hard i was going to crash,and who'd be there to help me pick up the pieces. I eventually found my way back, heard the last 'I love you' and tried to fool myself the it would all work out as I shivered uncontrollably and tried to coax the feeling back into my fingers.
Now here comes the hard part. Jeff ended it the Sunday after. He told me he didn't love me, and despite what he tells everyone, he told me there was no one else. I believe his exact words where "I'm too fucked up to be with anyone." He still wanted to be best friends, I told him not to say it if he didn't mean it, but no, he meant it. We'd been too close to throw it all away. He was still attracted to me, I was still gogeous. He proved this by kissing me several times during the night, and later by taking me upstairs. I don't know why I did it, probably because we'd broken up an hour ago and I was stupidly not ready to let go.
"I don't want you to think it means anything." Jeff said later as he had his arms around me.
"I don't." I whispered. "If I did I would of stopped crying, right?" I asked with a little laugh.
Everything seems so bright when I think of that night. The colours in his room seemed extra vivid like something from a bad trip, and Box Car Racer blared at us. Fittingly 'I feel so', played and as I lay there, my tears soaking into his sheets, the words seemed right. I felt cheated, used and so very low. He loved me on Wednesday, what had I done that was so bad it made him either, reailse he never loved me, or worse, made him fall out of love with me. I still loved him, I was still so desperatly in love with him. We where still going to be friends, and I needed all the friends I could get.
Even now, sitting at my desk almost three months later and typing the words, my eyes are filling up. I was with Adam and Danika, two people I had over looked and now can't imagine life without them. I saw Jeff and Claire together first. She was smiling, he had his arm around her. He saw me and it was at that exact moment I felt my heart break. Really, I couldn't breath, it was like a scene out of a movie I wished I was watching, not playing the lead. I felt physical pain. Jeff mouthed "Damn." that's all he could say. Damn. We'd broken up yesterday and here he was with somone who was like family. Damn. That was all I was worth. I took off in the opposite direction. I stopped when I got out the other side of the shopping centre and just stood there, I didn't know what to do. I called Adam and told him where I was. Him and Danika where there in seconds. They didn't say anything. Adam just wrapped his arms around me, I buried my face deep into his leather jacket and howled. These three key moments make up the main part of my memory montage. It replays over and over in my mind every single night. I can't escape it. I pray things had been different somehow. That I had punched Jeff and Claire. That I hadn't come back from the wet streets. I wish I'd ran away, disappeared and gone somewhere else. The thing that bugged me the most was I'd dreamed this. Seriously. I'd had dreams where Jeff and Claire got together and I had to watch. I didn't eat for a week. Me, Brody Keller, had screeched to an unexpected halt on the road of life and driven right into a tree. As you can imagine, it goes on.
So, I've dragged you into my life, taken you briefly through the happiest three months of my life and we've ended up here. Yes, as you read this in a way you're with me. You've been here before, but spare a thought for me. I visit this place every single day. I need to set the scene more appropraitly. I had spent two hours in Adam's kitchen, talking to Chris, mostly about Jeff and how he'd spent all night with Claire. I explained how I felt I wasn't good enough for him but Chris reassured me that Jeff loved me, everyone could see it. Midnight came, we crowded into the front room to welcome in 2004 as a group of friends. Jeff kissed me, briefly and whispered
"Happy New year baby."
Then he was gone, back to Claire. I sank onto the sofa, suddenly feeling numb and Adam's friend Daniel had given me a glass of champagne. I immediatly slammed it down on the speaker next to me, got to me feet and informed Adam I was going for a walk. Believe me, it was bitterly cold and I started crying straight away. Daniel ran after me and I told him I needed the fresh air. The rain soaked me within minutes, my hair clumped together in what I called 'rat's tails' and drops of water dripped off my nose and random intervals. I kept telling myself I'd go around just one more corner and I'd feel better. The god's honest truth, Avril Lavigne was wailing in my head.
I'm standing on a bridge I'm waiting in the dark I thought that's you'd be here by now. There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound
I know I'm not the only person in the world to have ever gone through that horrible feeling. The one that feels like you're standing at the edge of the cliff and you close you're eyes. You know the push is coming, you can feel it. You'd do anything to stop it, but you know soon you're going to start falling, that'll there'll be nothing but air, no one to catch you. I knew, as I wandered frozen, lonely and scared that Freddy Kruger was going to jump out and hack me into tiny Brody shaped pieces, I knew it was over. It still didn't in any way prepare me for it, for the push. Nothing in this world could of prepared me for how hard i was going to crash,and who'd be there to help me pick up the pieces. I eventually found my way back, heard the last 'I love you' and tried to fool myself the it would all work out as I shivered uncontrollably and tried to coax the feeling back into my fingers.
Now here comes the hard part. Jeff ended it the Sunday after. He told me he didn't love me, and despite what he tells everyone, he told me there was no one else. I believe his exact words where "I'm too fucked up to be with anyone." He still wanted to be best friends, I told him not to say it if he didn't mean it, but no, he meant it. We'd been too close to throw it all away. He was still attracted to me, I was still gogeous. He proved this by kissing me several times during the night, and later by taking me upstairs. I don't know why I did it, probably because we'd broken up an hour ago and I was stupidly not ready to let go.
"I don't want you to think it means anything." Jeff said later as he had his arms around me.
"I don't." I whispered. "If I did I would of stopped crying, right?" I asked with a little laugh.
Everything seems so bright when I think of that night. The colours in his room seemed extra vivid like something from a bad trip, and Box Car Racer blared at us. Fittingly 'I feel so', played and as I lay there, my tears soaking into his sheets, the words seemed right. I felt cheated, used and so very low. He loved me on Wednesday, what had I done that was so bad it made him either, reailse he never loved me, or worse, made him fall out of love with me. I still loved him, I was still so desperatly in love with him. We where still going to be friends, and I needed all the friends I could get.
Even now, sitting at my desk almost three months later and typing the words, my eyes are filling up. I was with Adam and Danika, two people I had over looked and now can't imagine life without them. I saw Jeff and Claire together first. She was smiling, he had his arm around her. He saw me and it was at that exact moment I felt my heart break. Really, I couldn't breath, it was like a scene out of a movie I wished I was watching, not playing the lead. I felt physical pain. Jeff mouthed "Damn." that's all he could say. Damn. We'd broken up yesterday and here he was with somone who was like family. Damn. That was all I was worth. I took off in the opposite direction. I stopped when I got out the other side of the shopping centre and just stood there, I didn't know what to do. I called Adam and told him where I was. Him and Danika where there in seconds. They didn't say anything. Adam just wrapped his arms around me, I buried my face deep into his leather jacket and howled. These three key moments make up the main part of my memory montage. It replays over and over in my mind every single night. I can't escape it. I pray things had been different somehow. That I had punched Jeff and Claire. That I hadn't come back from the wet streets. I wish I'd ran away, disappeared and gone somewhere else. The thing that bugged me the most was I'd dreamed this. Seriously. I'd had dreams where Jeff and Claire got together and I had to watch. I didn't eat for a week. Me, Brody Keller, had screeched to an unexpected halt on the road of life and driven right into a tree. As you can imagine, it goes on.