I was going to leave my job. My reasoning was that I could wrestle anywhere
else in the country, Jeff had been the only thing keeping me where I was
and now he was gone I had no other reason to stay. Sad, I know. Danika was
sitting with me about a week later, talking, by the time Jeff and Claire
had reached two months she'd heard me talk about it so many times I'm
surprised she didn't kill me.
"I did something." I told her. "I just know I did. I mean, he broke up with me twice in two weeks. What did I do that was so bad?"
That was the thing. The week of Christmas, Jeff broke up with me and I'd been mature, told him I understood and rushed straight to Claire, who in her defence, was an excellent shoulder to cry on. We got back together the next day but when I saw him on the Friday it was arkward. I didn't want to get too attached just so he could hurt me again. But he did. I dont know why. Why did he make me happy just to crush me all over again. Must of been my mistake.
//I'm here, just like I said Though it's breaking every rule I ever made My racing heart, is just the same Why make it strong to break it once again//
"The only mistake you ever made Brody, was falling in love with him, and you couldn't help that. The mistake Jeff made was letting you go."
"I wish he would wake up tomorrow morning and just be my Jeff again. But...."
"That's not going to happen." She finished for me. "Your Jeff, and what you had together is gone. You're never going to get him back."
The truth hurt. It always did. I cried, and Danika comforted me yet again. Jeff had changed. He was down right nasty to me, so much for being friends. Weeks later, when we where arguing, he asked me did I honestly believe everything would be the same. I never said it would be. The first time I saw them together I got drunk, I knew what trouble getting drunk usually got me into, but I didn't care. I drank and drank telling myself one more drink would ease the pain of seeing them together. One more drink would block out their happiness and their whispered words. It didn't. I ended up in a terrible state, showed Jeff the deep slash on my wrist and collapsed in the toilets for twenty minutes. Later that night, after a cold shower to sober myself up, he was talking to me online. For a few weeks after the first time I saw them together his online conversations with me consisted of calling me an alchohlic and making me feel bad. Of course, Jeff didn't care when I was buying him drinks and on my second day back at work he followed me up to the dark. I had already had a considerable amount and my only explination for what he said next was that he was slightly tipsy.
"I'm glad we're still friends Brody." he said.
I rolled my eyes. I wanted to be friends with him, I really did. Jesus christ, I still loved him, but we weren't. Just hours before he'd made a sarcastic comment about how I had a bad life and everyone should feel sorry for me.
"Decide how to treat me." I told him. "You can act friendly, or like the bastard you where before."
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you say that?"
"I don't know."
I gave the bartender my order.
"It doesn't matter. Hopefully I won't be here for long anyway."
"Don't leave."
"What?"
"Don't leave Brody. Please, if you ever loved me...."
"You can't use that!" I defended loudly.
"Fine, if you've ever respected me, don't leave."
Funny, it was the third time in a week he'd asked me not to leave, and it happened a few times later. It ended up with him calling me stupid and childish, and telling me to get on with my life. It was easy for him. He'd dumped me and had someone else to go to. What did I have? Nothing. they took that away from me and all that was left for me to do, was leave.
//I think I'd better leave right now Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave righ now Feeling weaker and weaker Somebody better show me out Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave right now.//
I couldn't, and still can't decied which is worse. Jeff's betrayal, or Claire's. The betrayal that comes with love, or that of a four year friendship that had all fallen spectacually apart when all you wanted, was someone to love and a friend you could count on. Maybe that's just too much to ask.
"I did something." I told her. "I just know I did. I mean, he broke up with me twice in two weeks. What did I do that was so bad?"
That was the thing. The week of Christmas, Jeff broke up with me and I'd been mature, told him I understood and rushed straight to Claire, who in her defence, was an excellent shoulder to cry on. We got back together the next day but when I saw him on the Friday it was arkward. I didn't want to get too attached just so he could hurt me again. But he did. I dont know why. Why did he make me happy just to crush me all over again. Must of been my mistake.
//I'm here, just like I said Though it's breaking every rule I ever made My racing heart, is just the same Why make it strong to break it once again//
"The only mistake you ever made Brody, was falling in love with him, and you couldn't help that. The mistake Jeff made was letting you go."
"I wish he would wake up tomorrow morning and just be my Jeff again. But...."
"That's not going to happen." She finished for me. "Your Jeff, and what you had together is gone. You're never going to get him back."
The truth hurt. It always did. I cried, and Danika comforted me yet again. Jeff had changed. He was down right nasty to me, so much for being friends. Weeks later, when we where arguing, he asked me did I honestly believe everything would be the same. I never said it would be. The first time I saw them together I got drunk, I knew what trouble getting drunk usually got me into, but I didn't care. I drank and drank telling myself one more drink would ease the pain of seeing them together. One more drink would block out their happiness and their whispered words. It didn't. I ended up in a terrible state, showed Jeff the deep slash on my wrist and collapsed in the toilets for twenty minutes. Later that night, after a cold shower to sober myself up, he was talking to me online. For a few weeks after the first time I saw them together his online conversations with me consisted of calling me an alchohlic and making me feel bad. Of course, Jeff didn't care when I was buying him drinks and on my second day back at work he followed me up to the dark. I had already had a considerable amount and my only explination for what he said next was that he was slightly tipsy.
"I'm glad we're still friends Brody." he said.
I rolled my eyes. I wanted to be friends with him, I really did. Jesus christ, I still loved him, but we weren't. Just hours before he'd made a sarcastic comment about how I had a bad life and everyone should feel sorry for me.
"Decide how to treat me." I told him. "You can act friendly, or like the bastard you where before."
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you say that?"
"I don't know."
I gave the bartender my order.
"It doesn't matter. Hopefully I won't be here for long anyway."
"Don't leave."
"What?"
"Don't leave Brody. Please, if you ever loved me...."
"You can't use that!" I defended loudly.
"Fine, if you've ever respected me, don't leave."
Funny, it was the third time in a week he'd asked me not to leave, and it happened a few times later. It ended up with him calling me stupid and childish, and telling me to get on with my life. It was easy for him. He'd dumped me and had someone else to go to. What did I have? Nothing. they took that away from me and all that was left for me to do, was leave.
//I think I'd better leave right now Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave righ now Feeling weaker and weaker Somebody better show me out Before I fall any deeper I think I'd better leave right now.//
I couldn't, and still can't decied which is worse. Jeff's betrayal, or Claire's. The betrayal that comes with love, or that of a four year friendship that had all fallen spectacually apart when all you wanted, was someone to love and a friend you could count on. Maybe that's just too much to ask.