~Oops~

Disclaimer: Myuuuuu!

Mutsumi Otothime awoke to a loud scream. The shapely brunette lazily opened her eyes, to thw sight of Keitaro Urashima sitting up in their bed, naked (Mutsumi, ara, later…), and completely freaked out.

"WHA?! WHY ARE YOU-HOW'D I-WHAT'S-!" Mutsumi smiled innocently, and stretched her pale arms, some of her covers slipping away. Keitaro's eyes grew a bit wider.

"Ara… Kei-kun, that was wonderful… Can we try that one pose again where-"

"Mutsumi, no! What's going on?! WHY AM I HERE?!"

"Ara… I suppose that's because your mommy and daddy fell in love, got married and-"


"MUTSUMI!"

"Ara, all right! I'm sorry, Kei-kun." Keitaro took a deep breath, and closed his eyes tightly. He took another deep breath, before opening them again and looking at Mutsumi seriously.

"All right, I'm calm, I'm calm… But Naru's gonna KILL me!"

"Well… She might not."

"Mutsumi, what in HELL could make you come to THAT conclusion?!"

"Well…"

~*~

"Mmmmm… Kanako…"

"Oh Naru…"

"OH MY GOD!!!" Naru and Kanako looked up and forwarded their gaze to Keitaro. The young man's eyes were twice his usual size.


"Um… Eh heh… Hello, my husband…"

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!"

"Gee Nee-chan, I thought you were dense, but this takes the cake," Kanako noted darkly, pulling Naru closer to her bosom. "We're making out."

"I CAN SEE THAT! WHY ARE YOU TWO MAKING OUT?!"

"Hee hee… Kanako-chan's my honey-bun, Keitawo!" Naru giggled babyishly, clinging to Kanako even… Tighter. Keitaro shook his head free of the hormones for a second, continuing his tirade.

"YOU GOT HER DRUNK!"

"She wanted to be drunk. I just… sort of… Helped it along. Besides, this wouldn't be the first time we've enjoyed each other's company, if you catch my drift. Now, if you'll excuse us?" Kanako replied, smiling devilishly. Keitaro's eyes bugged out as they resumed their make-out session, Kanako waving him away.

"… Gack… Rrrghh…" Keitaro didn't know what to do, so he stiffly turned and walked away.

~*~

"Oh… yeah… That," Keitaro murmured, looking down at the covers. Mutsumi smiling encouragingly, and took his hand.

"Kei-kun, don't fret. You're all right, this will turn out fine."

"What will turn out? What will-" Keitaro abruptly stopped. He had noticed the ring on Mutsumi's finger.

"Um… Please, tell me that's an Elven ring of power."

"Ara… Sorry, Kei-kun, that would be a lie." Mutsumi sighed deeply.

~*~

"Kei-kun?" Keitaro Urashima swung his head clumsily up from his sixth beer at the bar. Mutsumi Otohime (or two of her, he wasn't completely sure) stood before him, looking concerned.

"Oh, hi Mutshumi, whash up? (hic)"

"Ara… Are you all right? You're drunk, Kei-kun, and you feel sad."

"Oh, I'm fine. (hic) Jush fine… My wife is in the clushes of my sishter, and they're happy. Cheating bitshes! (hic)"

"Kei-kun," Mutsumi sighed, taking the disheveled Keitaro into her arms. "Drowning your sadness in beer won't help. You know that."

"… I shuppose," Keitaro slurred, closing his eyes in a pained expression. "Argh… Why?! I thought we were happy?! WHY?!"

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Kei-kun, just let it out," Mutsumi whispered, patting Keitaro's back as the former ronin began to cry into her sweater. Keitaro sniffled pathetically, rubbing his eyes into her ample bosom.

"Mutsumi, you're a real friend," Keitaro whimpered, suddenly somewhat sober. "A true friend. You've always been there for me, always…"

"Yes, Kei-kun, I have," Mutsumi confirmed, rubbing Keitaro's shoulders. She was glad he was at least somewhat out of his daze, and decided to encourage him further.

"And I've treated you like dirt. You, and Shinobu, and Kitsune, and everyone else at the Hinata," Keitaro began crying again. "I'm such a jerk! So many other women, who weren't afraid to show me love, and I end up with the psycho-bitch who's having an affair with my sister! ARGHHHHHH!!!"

"Kei-kun, what's done is done, all right? Kei-kun, you have to try to move on," consoled Mutsumi. Keitaro blinked awkwardly, before looking up into Mutsumi's concerned face.

"You're right… Move on…"

"Yes, Kei-kun, move on," Mutsumi emphasized. "There are… Other girls out there. You'll be free to look for someone you really love, and not bound by a promise, and I'll be happy for you when you meet someone you love completely.

"Yeah… Yeah, that sounds great," Keitaro murmured, taking Mutsumi's hands in his own and squeezing affectionately. Mutsumi blinked.

"Ara… Kei-kun? Do I have something in my eye? I mean, you're looking so… Oh my… Ara…"

~*~

"So… We're married."

"Ara… Yes," Mutsumi said, looking downcast. Keitaro looked at her more intently.

"Was that my idea, or yours?"

"Ara… Well, Talon-kun and Kitsune-chan were all for it, and Kanako and Naru were off to get married too-"

"Wha-They're married? But, what about Naru and-"

"They have a '30 Minute Divorce Court', next to the '30 Minute Wedding Chapel', Kei-kun. It's very convenient."

"I can imagine… So, after Naru and Kanako got married, so did… We?"

"Ara, it wasn't that simple… You see, Granny Hina showed up."

"Huh?!"

~*~

The Thirty-Minute Wedding Chapel was a tidier affair than most other Las Vegas quick-marriage establishments. It was run by a kindly-old couple that had been married themselves here, and had stayed together for about fifty years. So, I suppose there are exceptions to everything.

In any event, Kanako and Naru had gone to the "Drive Through" Chapel nearby, so the remaining members of the Hinata crew were attending Keitaro and Mutsumi's wedding.

"You know, I always wondered why there wasn't a quick-divorce service in Vegas before," Sarah said, looking thoughtful. "It'd make you rich!"

"I suppose," said Shinobu, mortally subdued. She had managed to cope with Keitaro's marriage to Naru… To a point. But, now that she was losing him again…

"Shinobu, there's no shame in being angry," intoned a voice quietly next to her ear. Shinobu jumped, and glared at the speaker.


" Why do you always have to sneak up on me?" Andrew J. Talon, weretiger, American, and spirit guardian of the Hinata Sou and it's residents (thanks to a rather complicated curse), smiled at Shinobu warmly, his whiskers up.

"Well, I wouldn't be much of a tiger if people could hear me, could I?"

"Talon… I, I've had so many chances, and…"

"Shinobu, look: How do you think I feel?" Shinobu blinked, and Talon sighed.

"I've… Had feelings for Mutsumi for a long time… And now, even though I'm happy for Keitaro… I can't help thinking-"

"What might have been?"

"Exactly… So, shall we be there for eachother?" Shinobu smiled, taking Talon's paw.

"I think I can do that…"

"Ewww… Enough mush already! Let's go!" Sarah griped, turning and walking into the chapel's main room. Talon and Shinobu shrugged, before turning and joining the others.

"Man, Naru going gay is something I never thought I'd see!" Hirai grumped in a podium.

"But you've fantasized about it, right?" Kitsune teased.

"Not in real life!"

"Ahem? Shall we begin?" Intoned the minister. Keitaro stood at his spot, Shirai reluctantly filling the position of best man, as the music started. Mutsumi came down the aisle, smiling and blushing, while Haruka played the father of the bride. Mutsumi had just reached the podium, and taken Keitaro's hands, when-

WA-BOOM!

"STOP! RIGHT NOW!" Screamed Granny Hina, floating in the destroyed doorway. Everyone turned and stared at her.

"If you have children, um… An evil demon will be born of your union and will take over the world!" Hina pointed at Mutsumi and Keitaro. Hina looked intently at the male part of the yet-to-be-official union.

"If you marry Naru, however, you'll produce a child who will save the world form evil and darkness and watermelon shortages! So, go make up with the cockroach! Hup to it!"

"Um… I don't think so," Keitaro said quietly. Hina's eyes bugged out.

"WHAT?! I'M your Granny! Do as your Granny commands!"

"If that's so, mind explaining… This!" Suu cried, pulling out… A salami!

"GASP!" went everyone. Hina looked confused.

"And this… Is supposed to prove… What, exactly?" Suu rummaged about in a backpack she had, before finally revealing… A driver's license!

"GASP!" Went everyone again. Then everyone blinked at the rather lame gag they'd participated in.

"SEE?! Driver's license say you demon! That you want evil union to be born of Naru-Naru and Keitaro's tender loins!" A group sweatdrop was rightly in order.

"How-How'd you get that?"

"Grandma Hina, you shouldn't have kept your extra license when your old one was taken away," Haruka (as usual) deadpanned.

"What are you talking about? I drive just fine!" Hina responded with a huff. Haruka raised an eyebrow.

"What about that busload of nuns?"

"THEY DIDN'T SIGNAL! I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY!"

"Um, as interesting as I find this conversation, maybe we should get to the ceremony?" Talon suggested. Hina snarled, her appearance becoming fearsome and demonic.

"YOU!!! It's all your fault!" The weretiger was taken aback.

"Huh?"

~*~

"What?!" Asked Keitaro, his eyes widening again. Mutsumi shrugged, and took a deep, deep breath.

"Five hundred years ago, the son of the Shogun Lord Urashima, your ancestor, and the lord's blacksmith, a young maiden, were in love. But, Urashima's son was betrothed to the daughter of the shogun lord Narusegawa. So, the blacksmith and Urashima met in secret, even after he was married.

        "One night, as Urashima's son and the blacksmith were together, the shogun's daughter saw them, and grew jealous. She went to a sword the blacksmith was making, and, calling on the forces of darkness and evil, asked for the blade to possess the first person that picked it up again, and destroy them. Thinking it would be the blacksmith who would be destroyed, she went home. She didn't realize that Urashima's son picked it up instead, and the blade drove him mad. He murdered his father, and led his entire household into war to destroy Narusegawa's family. The blacksmith and the shogun's daughter tried valiantly to bring Urashima back to his senses on the battlefield, but the demon was too strong. Urashima killed his wife, and prepared to kill the one he loved. But, his soul fought back, and finally managed, instead of killing the blacksmith maiden, to kill himself.

        "Before he died, Urashima's son warned his love that the demon was still alive, and that would continue through his and the Narusegawa bloodlines. If ever their descendents were to be married, they would produce the demon in human form as their child, and would start the madness all over again.

        "The blacksmith was heartbroken, and was chased from the Hinata by the survivors of the Urashima family, feeling that it was her fault that their lords went mad. Wandering, she came upon a wounded tiger demon in the woods, and nursed it back to health as best she could. When he was fully healed, the spirit offered to pay back the blacksmith for her kindness. She told him about the demon and asked if he could try to prevent her love's prophecy from coming true.

        "'I alone do not have the strength to stop it, powerful I may be,' said the demon, and the maiden was saddened. 'But,' he continued, 'I know of a priest who may be able to help us. On the condition you become my wife, for such beauty and kindness I have never known.' The blacksmith agreed, and so they went to this priest. He caused the essence of the tiger demon to go out and take refuge in a shrine near the Hinata, to take possession of a person who was good, compassionate, and somewhat clueless when they came upon it. The full power of the priest and the demon, not to mention the goodness of the maiden, would be brought upon them, and they would be able to protect the Hinata from the demon resurfacing…"

"And… Was there this big, uber-huge battle?"

"Ara, yes. Motoko and Talon fought Granny Hina furiously. I got it all on tape!"

"On tape?!"

"Well, Seta wanted to videotape the wedding, you see. The battle was just extra. Do you mind if he puts it on Pay-Per-Veiw?"

~*~