I FELT LIKE WRITING A SONG FIC TO TAKE AWAY FROM THE SERIOUSNESS (is that a word?) OF MY CURRENT STORY, SO HERE GOES...REVIEWS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME!
DISCLAIMER: If you think I own them, you're stupid. Here's your sign.
It was Career Day at Bayville High, and the students were being sent off to spend a day on a job fitting the description they had given. Jean went to a physician's office, Kurt went to Clown School, Kitty visited the local IBM building, and Scott was placed in "How to Avoid Being a Tight A--" therapy. Rogue went for a day of military basic training; Tabitha went to work at a store in the mall, as did Pietro. Todd went to spend the day with an entomologist from the local university (bug-ologist), Lance skipped, and Freddy went to see how to raise cattle--hey, meat is meat, right?
Freddy was being teased by the rest of the Brotherhood about the lameness of his "career", but he just shrugged his shoulders and went to find the rep from the Bits-o-Beef Ranch.
That evening, the Brotherhood members sat in the living room of their house bragging about their days--ok, everyone was listening to Pietro brag about his day--when Freddy, who had been sitting quietly and eating a bag of Doritos while listening to them talk, broke in.
"My day was the coolest of all," he said.
"Yeah, right, yo. Whatever you say. Like goin to see a bunch of cows is cool," Todd retorted.
"Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun "
"Yeah, I mean, come on, Freddy, it's like the lamest thing, not like my job at..." Pietro was off and talking, everyone else ignoring him.
"I mean it. Well, maybe not the coolest, but definitely the weirdest," Freddy defended his statement.
"Then tell us about it, yo," Todd said.
"Well, ok, it all started when we got to the Bits-o-Beef Ranch, and the head guy gave me a tour and was telling me about the cows, when all this weird stuff started to happen. And beginning to sing, he told them what had happened...
They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
(Cows well done)
"Yeah, we already know that, Freddy," whined Tabby.
"Here's where it got weird," Freddy said
Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
(Cows are one)
He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Bovera, a revolutionary veal
(Cow Se-Tung)
He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
(Cow doldrums)
He mooed, "we must fight, escape or we'll die!"
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
(Bad cow pun)
But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded into a truck, where he rode to his fate
(Cows are bummed)
The rest of the Brotherhood was by now looking at Freddy with mixed expressions--they thought he was crazy, but they wanted to hear the rest of the story.
He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
(Cows with guns)
They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
(Cows well hung)
Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
(Run cows run!)
He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
"We are free roving bovines. We run free today!
We will fight fo r bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high!
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die!"
Cows with guns!
By now, even Pietro was interested. Freddy's career day WAS rather...different.
They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
(Cows have fun)
Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
(Much cow dung)
"Hey, I saw that on the news earlier, yo!" Todd exclaimed, getting excited.
Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds,
Have it your way
The president said, "Enough is enough
These uppity cows, its time to get tough!"
(Cow dung flung)
The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Later today, they would all be ground beef
(Cows on buns)
The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay
(Cows outgunned)
Tabby looked panicky, as if she were about to be gunned down herself. Pietro was biting his nails nervously, Todd was completely ignoring the fly that had landed on his nose, and Lance had hung up on Kitty to hear the rest of Freddy's story.
The order was given to turn cows to Whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers. . .
We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high!
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die!"
Cows with guns!
The group let out a collective sigh of relief, and Freddy smiled and went back to munching his Doritos. The others looked at each other in slight wonder at the bizarre day Freddy had had...maybe raising cows wasn't quite as boring as they had thought.
DISCLAIMER: If you think I own them, you're stupid. Here's your sign.
It was Career Day at Bayville High, and the students were being sent off to spend a day on a job fitting the description they had given. Jean went to a physician's office, Kurt went to Clown School, Kitty visited the local IBM building, and Scott was placed in "How to Avoid Being a Tight A--" therapy. Rogue went for a day of military basic training; Tabitha went to work at a store in the mall, as did Pietro. Todd went to spend the day with an entomologist from the local university (bug-ologist), Lance skipped, and Freddy went to see how to raise cattle--hey, meat is meat, right?
Freddy was being teased by the rest of the Brotherhood about the lameness of his "career", but he just shrugged his shoulders and went to find the rep from the Bits-o-Beef Ranch.
That evening, the Brotherhood members sat in the living room of their house bragging about their days--ok, everyone was listening to Pietro brag about his day--when Freddy, who had been sitting quietly and eating a bag of Doritos while listening to them talk, broke in.
"My day was the coolest of all," he said.
"Yeah, right, yo. Whatever you say. Like goin to see a bunch of cows is cool," Todd retorted.
"Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun "
"Yeah, I mean, come on, Freddy, it's like the lamest thing, not like my job at..." Pietro was off and talking, everyone else ignoring him.
"I mean it. Well, maybe not the coolest, but definitely the weirdest," Freddy defended his statement.
"Then tell us about it, yo," Todd said.
"Well, ok, it all started when we got to the Bits-o-Beef Ranch, and the head guy gave me a tour and was telling me about the cows, when all this weird stuff started to happen. And beginning to sing, he told them what had happened...
They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
(Cows well done)
"Yeah, we already know that, Freddy," whined Tabby.
"Here's where it got weird," Freddy said
Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
(Cows are one)
He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Bovera, a revolutionary veal
(Cow Se-Tung)
He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
(Cow doldrums)
He mooed, "we must fight, escape or we'll die!"
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
(Bad cow pun)
But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded into a truck, where he rode to his fate
(Cows are bummed)
The rest of the Brotherhood was by now looking at Freddy with mixed expressions--they thought he was crazy, but they wanted to hear the rest of the story.
He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
(Cows with guns)
They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
(Cows well hung)
Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
(Run cows run!)
He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
"We are free roving bovines. We run free today!
We will fight fo r bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high!
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die!"
Cows with guns!
By now, even Pietro was interested. Freddy's career day WAS rather...different.
They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
(Cows have fun)
Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
(Much cow dung)
"Hey, I saw that on the news earlier, yo!" Todd exclaimed, getting excited.
Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds,
Have it your way
The president said, "Enough is enough
These uppity cows, its time to get tough!"
(Cow dung flung)
The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Later today, they would all be ground beef
(Cows on buns)
The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay
(Cows outgunned)
Tabby looked panicky, as if she were about to be gunned down herself. Pietro was biting his nails nervously, Todd was completely ignoring the fly that had landed on his nose, and Lance had hung up on Kitty to hear the rest of Freddy's story.
The order was given to turn cows to Whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers. . .
We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high!
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die!"
Cows with guns!
The group let out a collective sigh of relief, and Freddy smiled and went back to munching his Doritos. The others looked at each other in slight wonder at the bizarre day Freddy had had...maybe raising cows wasn't quite as boring as they had thought.