Part IV - Blinded by Loneliness

She cried herself to sleep that night. Inuyasha wondered about her. Why did she say she was alone? He'd ask himself that question over and over.

' She isn't alone. She has me...'

Inuyasha was confused. He would wonder what ever happened to the feelings he had for Kikyo. Maybe it was the fact that she was never herself again. Anyways, the Kikyo he knew really well was dead...dead forever.

Although, Inuyasha didn't care. It wasn't his problem that she changed. Hell, he didn't care about Kikyo, period. Now that he has Kagome, there is no one else he would be happy to be with.

' How long is Kagome planning to stay here? It seems she brought a lot of clothes. '

Inuyasha stared at her angelic face for quite a while now. There he was, besides her, thinking about how he really felt. He was unsure of those feelings. Yet, he was the only one who knew him best, and he can't even decide what his true feelings are. Yes, it's could possibly be love...but it felt more than that.

A year ago, every time they would be left alone together, he would feel pressure against his stomach. Before he wouldn't have any idea what it could be. Every time he gets that same feeling, he would constantly stare at Kagome. And when the thought of love pops into his mind, he would try to think of another reason besides that. But deep inside he knows it is.

That was when he was truly stubborn. Now Inuyasha no longer denied his love for her. The only problem was...how is he going to tell her.

He was planning to tell her, eventually, but then he changed his mind. It wasn't the right time for that. And anyways, he was afraid of her reaction. What if she only likes him as a friend? Or worst of all...a big brother? He would surely make a big fool out of himself.

***

Morning finally came.

The sun shined over my eyelids, making me stir and wake up. My eyes were still so swollen from crying last night. I would cry even more if I had tears to spare. I sat up, finding myself alone in the small cabin. It's nothing new anyways...I'm always alone. Maybe even 'till the day I die. 

I just want to leave this damn world. I have nothing left...so why stay? If I die...I wouldn't have feelings. And the pain will disappear.

That's all I want...out of the world. I held my legs closely to my chest, thinking about what I should do with my life.

Then…Inuyasha came to thought. Where is that mutt, anyways??

I wonder if he wants me around. He hasn't even showed any signs of welcoming. And that's making me worry. I guess he hasn't changed at all. At least I don't see any changes now.

I gazed around the empty room, unable to think straight. Nothing but silence. My breath went heavier than before, as if I was unable to breathe. The pain came back, not giving me any mercy. I was tired of it. Tired of it all. I anxiously looked around for any sharp objects. I'm the only one who knows myself best and yet I never knew I would be capable of even thinking about killing myself. But isn't it for the best?

There are other options. One of them is just talking to someone or expressing my feelings...but whom do I turn to? No would understand me...no one would understand how I feel!

***

Kagome sadly looked out the window, admiring the birds. They were happy with there life. Unlike herself.

Happiness...another aspect that was taken away from her.

It sounds impossible for her to become happy again. But there is one being that can grant her happiness. Inuyasha.

Kagome started to sob once again. She felt so confused. To her, life was worthless without happiness. Her feelings meant a lot to her. But after darker feelings took over, she did nothing but think of the end of her life. She was depressed. No, beyond depressed.

You would wonder why she hadn't thought of Inuyasha as her savior from pain. She was so blinded by her feelings that she thought the only way to end it was to end her life. How is it possible to not notice this? Inuyasha has been by her side, protecting her from everything. Why wouldn't he protect her now? Inuyasha might not be the particular person who would understand people's feelings. But he can learn. If he was up to it.

Kagome stopped her tears. There was complete silence in the small room. All that was heard was her breath and her heartbeat. Kagome's mind went blank. She thought of nothing that moment. Without emotion, she got up from the bedding and tonelessly left the cabin. The fresh breeze blew past her, as if it was in a rush to its destination.

Kagome didn't turn back. She was in some sort of trance she created herself. And it seems like nothing would stop her from walking.

She walked deeper into the forest, passing the dry well she'd been coming in and out of. Deep within her memory there was a location near the well where she would spend most of her time while Inuyasha rested from his injuries. Her own cliff. A cliff where there was peace and quiet. Its sight intrigued her, as well as its fresh breezes.

When she finally arrived, she couldn't help but remember her silent thoughts she use to have. She would ask herself the feelings she'd acquire for Inuyasha. But right now, all she would ask herself was whether what she had left was worth living for. She slowly walked up to the end of the cliff and looked down to its depths.

Kagome was so deep in her thoughts that she wasn't even aware of her surroundings anymore. She couldn't feel the cold breeze nor could she see what's beneath her.

Finally, she snapped out of her world and into the real one. Kagome took in a deep breath and released. She closed her eyes and had begun her plan. Letting her foot out to the edge, she was so close to meeting the cliffs depths. But she hesitated. She took a step back, thinking of what she was about to do. She became ashamed. She suddenly threw herself to the ground and cried. ' What am I doing! My mother was the one who gave me life and yet...I was about to throw it all away! '

Kagome cupped her face and wept. This was the only way to release her pain, even if it would come back. While weeping, she began to feel something beneath her. Something was moving. And before she knew it, the edge of the cliff was collapsing, along with her fragile body. She gasped as the cluster of rock fell under her. And with what was left of her strength, she held on for her dear life. Kagome screamed as loud as possible. She couldn't hold on any longer and felt her grip loosening. And within a second, she let go, letting out another scream.

A/N: I'm so sorry for making you people wait so long. First of all, I had so many tests and I had to study like crazy. And after the regents I was so busy with homework and work itself. I'll try to update sooner.