Title: I Believe
Author: generalnothingness
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Keywords: Angst, songfic
Spoilers: Cool Change, Ellie, PwF, Butterflied
Summary: Grissom's thoughts on Sara set to Diamond Rio's 'I Believe.' Character Death.
*****
Every now and the
Soft as breath across my skin
I feel you come back again
It was dark and he was comforted. Dark was pain, realization that she wasn't coming back. She was never going to walk the halls outside his office. His office. That's where he sat, in the dark. The only light came through the slits in his blinds. He sat staring at her case file, not really seeing it. The familiar sounds of the labs sounded muffled, not because of his closed door, but the fact that he just wasn't hearing them. Thoughts raced through his mind, rushing forward and then ebbing back. He leaned backwards into his chair and let his memories wash over him. Telling her no, his confession to Lurie. It seemed like just yesterday he was in that interrogation room baring his soul to a murderer, not knowing the object of his affection was one room over. A cool breeze caressed his cheek, making him aware of the tears he hadn't known he was shedding. He closed his eyes to the breeze and the smell it brought with it. Her smell, of all things citrus, invaded his nose bringing forth more memories.
And it's like you haven't been gone
A moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
He heard a muffled laugh from behind his closed door and he was transported to just a few weeks before. Before any tears had been shed. In his mind, his memories, she was back in the lab, arguing with him, laughing with Nick or Greg, or just walking with Warrick. Everyone had been affected by her death. She was the shiny part of everyone's day, or rather night. She could always put a smile on Greg's face by just walking into the room. Now he barely even talked. Her and Nick had been the best of friends and now that she was gone he was acting like Greg, depressed and forlorn. It was almost as if they didn't know how to go on without her. Warrick seemed to take it hardest, next to him of course. True, Warrick and her hadn't gotten off to the greatest start, but he trusted her. He had grown to love her like a sister. Catherine handled her death well. She hid her heartache but inside she was broken up and they had noticed her get these far off looks in her eyes. But she was holding everyone together. Everyone except him.
And with all my heart I'm sure
We're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see
I've got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
With her death he had turned into more of a recluse than before. He spent most of his time in his office with the door closed and the lights off. Everyone knew not to disturb him. He sat in the dark, every night, thinking of her. He imagined her walking through his door, telling him to get his ass out of the dark and get to work. He heard her voice and saw her face, contorting in anger because he wasn't in the break room handing out assignments. He felt so much more closer to her now that she was gone. He knew she was watching him from the Forensic Lab in the sky.
I believe, I believe
He knew she was there, somewhere, waiting for him to hurry his ass up and meet her. But that wouldn't be for awhile.
Forever you're a part of me
Forever in the heart of me
And I'll hold you even longer if I can
They were still connected by love and understanding. He could feel her in his heart, see her in his mind. He planned on keeping her there until he could see her in the flesh, figuratively speaking. And then he would rush to meet her and hold her close.
The people who don't see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
He knew that Catherine and the boys were staring to worry about him. He was quiet, which wasn't much of a change but he didn't even make eye contact anymore. He only came out off his office to hand out assignments and at the end of the shifts. They were afraid for his health and his job. They had already lost one good friend, they didn't want to lose another. But they could nothing as he sunk into the darkness.
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with life
He sat in the dark wondering how the world could still be spinning, how the population could go on living when her life was gone and his was shattered. Couldn't they see that perfection was gone. She wasn't here to laugh and smile, to yell and cry and be the one woman in his life who shone in his lightless world.
It never ends and if I'm right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe
But life did go on. And his world would be dark and gray except for the one shining light that was his love for her. It would cross heaven itself and entwine with her love for him. She would wait for him on the other side until it was his time. Then she would call for him and he would follow the trail their love made until he found her. Until then he would be alone, in the dark.
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
And he sat in the darkness. He believed.
FIN
*****
A/N: This was my first character death so please be gentle. And I kind of butchered the song. This is how it's supposed to go:
Diamond Rio
Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it's like you haven't been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I'm sure we're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see, I've got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
Chorus
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I'm right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe
Forever, you're a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I'll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don't see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
'Cause I believe
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
So yeah... Please Review. Thanks! You rock!
Peace, Love and Paperclips!
*****
'Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.'
-The King, Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland
'Take 10 minutes...to call someone your pissed at and forgive him or her. You'll let go of backlogged anger and anxiety.'
-Fred Luskin, Ph.D., author of Learning to Forgive