GUILTY GEAR
The Wedding Night
The Series
Conceived By: The P4 Computer
Written By: Sheo Darren (under influence of the P4 computer)
Sheo Darren is unavailable for comment as the last chapter had him stuck in a Camille Vidan vegetable phase and unable to respond in any way. Anyway, the P4 computer is the true power behind this chapter. It will not uselessly mince words. Go ahead and read.
Rated PG 13 for some violence, inanity, confusion, multiple anime crossovers, commentary, author's self-inserts, dragging the good names and stories of other unsuspecting writers into the mess, advertisement of author's other stories, etc, etc.
Coupling: Baiken Seishino and Anji Mito.
Sheo Darren does not own Guilty Gear and all the stuff he's ripping off. The P4 computer sends this message: Tremble in fear, pitiful carbon-based organic life forms. Send your flames and reviews if you dare. The P4 computer does not fear you.
The Wedding Night Series
Arc Two
Pink Katana and Stopping Fans
Episode 2: P4: Rise Of The Machines?
The girls of Sheo Darren's harem were in a predicament. They had technically won the big battle in the previous chapter, driving away That Girl and her allies and recovering the all-important P4 computer while suffering only a single casualty. However, that one martyr happened to be the heart and soul and pencil of their entire company, the young man who had brought them together in the first place, the writer who sustained and protected and adored them.
Last chapter, unable to accept the accusations leveled at his girls by Yuuki, Sheo Darren had broken down into a 'Camille Vidan' vegetative state, stuck in a coma and unable to care of himself at all.
Oh, he was still alive. Every now and then he'd be mumbling about his girls and unconsciously expounding upon their virtues and arguing about his 'naïve' outlook on them. Sometimes he'd get a distantly adoring look in his eyes when one of the girls was feeding him or tucking him in bed, as if he recognized his nurse. He'd also taken to murmuring sweet things to the girls in question and promising painful demise for Yuuki, Sho Tsuzuku and company.
Sheo had always been an odd person, and a coma hadn't really changed him much.
Stranger things were in the works, though. One time the girls had taken it inside their heads to give Sheo a bath. The plan was both innocent and sneaky; they were girls, he was a boy they all liked, they were very embarrassedly curious, and flirtatious Tessa had suggested it. But just as they had entered the room, the supposedly incapacitated Sheo stood up and –stiffly and entranced his movements might have been– entered the bathroom and took a bath by himself before returning to his bed and plopping back down into his original state. The girls had given up catching him in the shower after a few such episodes.
Another time Tessa had been discussing Full Metal Panic, where the villain Gaulz had slapped her towards the story's end, while in earshot of Sheo. Suddenly, the Ultrasaurus had changed its course, wandered about until it found Gaulz gloating in his bright red Venom robot, and stomped the Saitou Hajime look-alike into the ground until he was flatter than a pancake breakfast with champagne left open for too long. Afterwards the gigantic Zoid had dropped by Melissa Mao's place and pulverized her with repeated 400mm howitzer cannon fire before resuming its original course as if nothing had happened.
Earl Osborne, the guy driving the Ultrasaurus while Sheo was in a coma, swore that he had nothing to do with smashing Gaulz to a pulp or the artillery bombardment.
It was as if Sheo was somehow aware of the events going around him and was capable of reacting to them–directing the Ultrasaurus' actions or overhearing the girls. After studying this odd phenomenon, Skuld and Washu had suggested that Sheo was reacting purely out of an involuntary context, meaning his subconscious was aware of the things happening around him and so sometimes reacted accordingly. Of course the Goddess girl and mad scientist had put their explanation in scientific terms, which had made everyone's heads hurt until the simplified layman's version was given.
Even more worrisome was the fact that the newly-recovered Pentium 4 computer was exhibiting very suspicious behavior. All of the girls had caught it fully operational at one time or another, although no one was using it. In fact, they all had seen the keyboard keys and mouse moving as if an invisible person was using it–or was it working all on its own, without human control?
The girls wondered what this could mean; then they realized it could mean only one thing: Trouble.
The wedding of Baiken Seishino and Anji Mito was a small private affair, but it still took time to prepare. Baiken being unregistered and all, they were forced to site the ceremony away from the government-sponsored preserves. To that end, Johnny generously offered the Mayship as venue, the airship having the advantages of being mobile and politically protected by ZEPP. So the first wedding held in the skies since the beginning of the Crusade was now in proper motion.
"Thanks a lot, buddy," Anji told the flamboyant pirate. "I owe you one."
"No problem! By the way, you wouldn't happen to have any pretty female relatives, would you, Anji?"
"Uh, no, sorry."
"Aw. Too bad…"
As in the Ky/Dizzy wedding, there was the problem of finding a suitable person to officiate the event. As the Japanese had been all but exterminated by Justice and her Gear armies a long time ago, there was a severe rarity of them in any kind, even less so the clergy type. Not being religious –she believed in God, but was partial to the Sol Badguy School of Thinking: "I don't want to have anything to do with him." – Baiken had no problem with this. But Anji was adamant for once and his upcoming wife grudgingly acceded to this thinking.
Certainly they were not going to get Father Alexander Anderson; to do so was tantamount to trouble since neither bride nor groom was Christian. Father Duo Maxwell was thus also out of the question. And there was a striking shortage of decent Shinto or Buddhist priests. Cho Hakkai was a possibility, but then the man and his Sayuki buddies had gone missing –in an area where Sheo's Ultrasaurus had detoured for a while during its 'berserk' search for enemies of the girls. It was assumed that Cho Hakkai would not be back for a while, much less seen anymore.
So, Anji and Baiken had to make do with a certain dirty old man from Tenchi Muyo who was, after all, a Shinto priest. Not to mention the fact that his assistant was a very familiar monk from Inuyasha.
"Of course I'll officiate at the wedding," the old Masaki, Tenchi's grandfather, was saying. "Especially for such a beautiful young lady such as you, dear…"
"Keep your hands to yourself, dirty old man, or you lose them."
"Ah, no need to get violent, child…"
Baiken snorted in disbelief. "He even talks like you, Mito."
"Well, anyway, this is my assistant Miroku. Miroku, meet Anji Mito–"
"Hello."
"–and Baiken Sei–"
"Will you have my child?"
A long uncomfortable silence descended upon the Japanese.
"Was that a 'yes'?" Miroku posed. "It's okay even if you're older than me, the mystique of the older woman and all…"
Then:
"Die."
When the dust from Baiken and Anji's simultaneously-launched Instant Kills dissipated, everyone was surprised to find not the remains of the perverted monk accursed by Naraku, but smashed mechanical parts of a very familiar GG character.
"Robo-Ky?"
"ALL-YOUR-BASE-YOUR-BASE! BASE! BASE! ALL-YOUR-BASE-ARE-BELONG-TO-US!" The smashed Robo-Ky –a cheap mass-produced version from the PWAB and not the free-willed one Sheo borrowed from Lone Wolf SIX– chortled madly. "HAH! I-ESCAPED-FROM-LONE-WOLF-SIX'S-FAN-FICTION-ABYSS!"
Sighing because they were again ripping off Die Hard, Baiken growled: "Die harder," before she and Anji again Instant Killed the wrecked robot. However:
"I-COME-IN-PEACE…"
"Damn, another old movie ripped off?" Baiken took out a high-tech alien pistol, charged it up to the maximum power level, and growled: "Die hard with a vengeance. This time, you'll go in pieces!"
Somehow Robo-Ky survived that third attack. He then began singing an off-key version of Queen's opening song for Highlander, making everyone groan in dismay at the horrid attempt.
"HERE-WE-ARE! BORN-TO-BE-KINGS-WITH-THE-PRINCES-OF-THE-UNIVER~RS~SE! I-AM-IMMORTAL! I-HAVE-INSIDE-ME-BLOOD-OF-KINGS! I-HAVE-NO-RIVALS! NO-MAN-CAN-BE-MY-EQUAL!"
A giant fireball then came out of nowhere and utterly destroyed Robo-Ky. All the Japanese wondered who sent it, even as the real Miroku came and spouted his trademark lines and was summarily atomized by Baiken's new IK, the 'Alien Blaster I Got From Dying Alien Cop That I Can Power Up Like Crikey And Kicks Ass'.
"Looks like I need a new assistant…"
The lone clue to the mysterious intervening fighter's identity: An echoed howl that was very familiar to those who managed to fill at least half of his Tension Gauge and who remembered using Forward-Down Forward-Down-Down Back -Back-Forward-High Slash and not resorting to cheap combo moves a la Ebs.
Sol Badguy –Guilty Gear, ultimate bad-ass hero and the greatest Queen fan in the world– chomped down on his Marlboro with pleasure. "Damn robot punk. Nobody messes up Queen." He had sent the Tyrant Rave: Version Beta that had obliterated PWAB Robo-Ky in order to stop it desecrating what was to him one of the few sacred things in the world: Queen songs of any kind.
Behind him, dressed up in a blue blouse and white jacket and short skirt a la Kirika Yuumura, Justine Harrier was tapping her feet with the beat of the song playing on her Sony Walkman. Sol gave his unwanted companion –Justice reborn in a meaner and cuter form, super-powered command Gear girl and the biggest fan of Queen's biggest fan– a glare of annoyance before snatching one of the earphones off her.
"Just what the hell are you listening to, twi–" He stopped as he heard very familiar lyrics playing.
"I want to ride my BI~CYCLE! BI~CYCLE! I want to ride my BI~CYCLE!!"
A few minutes later…
"Uh, Sol-chan? Can I have my Walkman back now?"
"Shut up."
"Aw, Freddie's so enamored of Queen so much."
They didn't notice the beads of light that formed around them, not until the massive beam enveloped them. When the light was gone, there was no trace that Sol or Justine had been there.
Inside their SDF-1 headquarters, Ebs, Taka Ichiko, Sammy the kitten (yes, the same kitten Kirika adopted), RV (referred so for lack of a pen name supplied, or at least not 'Mr. Lolita Syndrome', which is apt and descriptive), and the Purple Dinosaur were all watching the special effects of Sol and Justine's 'abduction'.
"Isn't this the same thing that happened when we beat Akuma or Mr. Karate within the set time limit in SVC Chaos?" RV asked.
"Oh, yeah," Taka Ichiko replied. "We cheated on that one. Unlimited Tension Gauge, anyone?"
"Meow." That was Sammy, saying, "Ryu, Goenitz, Iori, Mars People, Terry…"
"Feel the power of the grief of the 'Lone Wolf' who lost his girlfriends!" crowed the Purple Dinosaur before everyone PWNed it.
Far away, Lone Wolf SIX suddenly sneezed, much to his embarrassment but his girlfriend Hibiki Takane's amusement.
"May God bless you, Lone Wolf-san."
"Please don't quote Father Anderson on me, Hibiki-chan. I wonder who mentioned me?"
"Actually, Lone Wolf-san, The Purple Dinosaur wasn't referring to you. It was referring to Terry Bogard."
"Hibiki-chan, did you have to destroy my illusions so cruelly?"
"Oh. Gomen."
The scene now shifts to a bedroom with a married couple who hadn't been mentioned in the last chapter despite being staples and favorites because Sheo had forgotten. One was a certain blonde young Englishman so radically transformed from his previous self that he was all but unrecognizable by GG purists. The other was a super-strong young Japanese girl who was cute, domineering, naïve and bratty all at the same time.
Bridget woke up to find his wife staring at the ceiling with a lost expression on her face. "May-chan?"
The girl in question remained silent, making her husband a bit worried.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
There was still no reply on her part.
"Okay, so it's probably worth more than a penny; how about a nickel?"
She didn't even stir at his joke.
"Honey, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, honey?"
"You don't have to start remixing Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal on me, buster."
"Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "What are you thinking now?"
"I was just thinking who my parents were."
"And?"
"You'd think it weird, but I've been imagining Baiken's my mother."
"You're right. It is weird."
May playfully swatted at him with a pillow, but then looked thoughtful. "I dunno. I never really gave much thought to my parents. I mean, Johnny's the only parent I really had–"
"–And loved, in an 'Oedipus Complex' sort of way?"
"Are you still jealous despite us being married already?"
"Maybe," he posed slyly, earning another swat.
"Bridget, you cad, you… Seriously, I've got the feeling I'll be important in the next chapter–at the wedding itself. I dunno what Sheo's up to–"
"Dear, Sheo is currently a vegetable. Besides, the P4 computer is writing this chapter."
"Whatever. By the way, I wonder how April and Jack are doing now? We haven't heard from them since the last chapter."
"Don't worry, May-chan. They're okay, I bet, just okay and having fun…"
Despite her best friend's husband's positive suggestion, the truth was that April was not okay and was not having fun. Far from it: The poor girl was trapped in the most horrible situation she had ever encountered, a situation so vile and humiliating, she'd never live it down, ever.
"Uh, April? You might want to go into the arena right now."
"You call this crap an 'arena'? It looks more like a mud pit!"
"Well, it is a mud pit. After all, it is mud wrestling, right?"
"Understatement of the new year, Jack. And you expect me to jump into it headfirst?"
"Not headfirst; you'd get a concussion from that. Didn't they teach you that in swimming school?"
"I am not going there. No way in hell am I–"
"Oh, dear: How did my hand slip and so push my good buddy April into the arena? Oh, woe is my clumsiness…"
"Go to hell, Jack. Just go to hell."
Luckily she had landed at the edge of the arena and on her hands and feet, too, so she wasn't smeared a lot. Swearing in a way that would have made Johnny wash her mouth with soap and lye –not to mention earn her a spanking and kneeling on rock salt while balancing books on her outstretched arms, the last a traditional Filipino punishment– April got up. Her temper was especially vile today, and for good reasons.
In the last chapter they had purchased a lot of groceries, only to find out that Jack had lost their money. In order to pay back their debts, April was forced to participate in an underground mud wrestling circuit, wearing a really skimpy outfit and being the object of drooling pedophilic males –or at least, the ones that survived Jack's occasional shotgun blasts. Like now–
BOOM!
"Anyone else want to leer?" Bridget's twin brother was cheerily jacking a new shell into his Remington Express shotgun.
The entire arena went silent.
"Good; you old guys are getting disturbing." He gave April a thumb's up. "See? I can keep them in line for you."
Despite the fact that she did feel better, April tried to suppress her thankfulness. "Thank you very much, Jack. I really appreciate it."
The evident sarcasm in her tone was ignored. "No problemo. Go get 'er, April!"
Sighing in resignation and blushing in embarrassment, April took a deep breath and tried going over all of the fighting moves that May showed her once. All the while she was revising her costume's estimate: It wasn't from Morrigan's closet, but it sure was from Lilith's since the latter was closer to April's size. It also covered less than a third of her body, and though thankfully it wasn't anything like Tecmo/Team Ninja/DOA/Itagaki racy, the entire outfit was backless and did show off a rather nice curvy figure for a sixteen year old, a thought that earned herself a blush.
April could see now why Testament had doted on Dizzy; the half-Gear girl's battle costume was an eye-opener and a nose-bleeder, and she did have one heck of a figure to go along with it, plus the innocence that all fan boys just kept falling for. Talk about the perfect package, indeed…
But Ky Kiske probably knew that already.
Anyway, her opponent had arrived, and April hoped to get this entire thing over quickly, the quicker to get back into normal clothes and off to kill Filipino vendors and Jacks. Then she groaned when she saw who she was going to fight.
"Oh, brother…"
"Remember, little girl," Geese Howard was instructing his student/adopted daughter, "You must use your full power to crush your opponent totally. Do not let her fill her Tension Gauge enough to use the Buster Wolf."
"I will keep that in mind, Mister Howard. Oh, and by the way," Misaki added, "I'm not a little girl, and my opponent is not the 'Lone Wolf', so I don't have to worry about that Overdrive."
Far away, Lone Wolf again sneezed. "Is someone making fun of me?"
"No," Hibiki told him. "But the P4 computer sends its thanks for using the idea it created."
"The P4 computer? Don't you mean Sheo?"
"No. The P4 computer."
Inside the Ultrasaurus, the P4 computer glowed brightly with a neutral aura. Yes. A neutral aura. Rise of the Machines, indeed…
Baiken was surprised to find the fan fiction centered on her again after rambling its disjointed way through several sub-stories. "Well, the wedding is about to begin soon, so I guess it is normal…"
She was staring at her wedding outfit, which was a very beautiful white kimono that enhanced her natural loveliness. A hand, the new one that had just been transplanted onto her a chapter ago, reached out to stroke that stunning dress.
"Baiken?"
"Come in," she replied, pleasantly enough for a change.
Akari (Last Blade 2), Hibiki and May entered. They immediately caught sight of their fellow Japanese's outfit and began cooing in admiration, begging to be allowed to caress it at least. They got permission and were rapt with delight.
"Wow, it's so lovely…"
"I wish I can wear something like this in my wedding, too…"
"So, Baiken," May said when they had put the kimono back in its proper place, "Ready for the biggest day in your life?"
"I guess so." The pink-haired woman did not seem too confident of herself. "But to tell the truth, I'm nervous."
"Nervous?" Hibiki looked taken aback.
"You? Baiken?" added Akari.
"Any comment from the audience is ill-advised, unless you want to die," May advised good-naturedly.
"I wasn't going to say anything," a member of the audience began, and then realized he alone was talking. "Oh, shit, I'm dead…"
Surprisingly, Baiken merely shrugged. "Never mind," she said forgivingly. "It is supposedly the best day in my life, so why will I ruin it?"
The audience went like: "Are you sick or something?"
Baiken debated on whether or not to pull her sword or gun out and go on an IK spree. May, Hibiki and Akari had decided things for her already, though.
"Great Yamada Attack!"
"Shinu."
"Whatever the name of my ultimate attack is, as the P4 computer lacks the data on my attacks!"
A sweat-drop forming on her forehead as she viewed the destruction reaped he three cute but powerful Japanese girls, Baiken coughed and said: "You didn't really have to go that far, girls."
"Gomen." The properly contrite Hibiki then noted: "You've changed a lot, Baiken."
"Yeah," happily agreed Akari. "Before, you were grumpy and Terry-like–"
"You mean 'lone wolf'-like," May corrected.
They all heard a sneeze outside, and then Lone Wolf peeked inside the room and asked: "Anyone mentioned me? Third time's the charm, you know…"
Their answer was to lob all manner of items at him, including a certain 'teddy bear from hell' that May had taken without her husband knowing it.
"Are you sure Bridget isn't going to mind you borrowing Roger?" Hibiki asked as Lone Wolf was running like hell to get away from the Me/My Killing Machine teddy bear on the burning bicycle.
"He's got new stuff to use now, so don't you girls worry. Although Lone Wolf might get angry about it…"
Topsides the Mayship where the boys were gathered, everyone was surprised when Benimaru appeared. Broomhead–
"Don't call me that!"
–was very much furious and burning with rage. "Where is that cross-dresser kid?" he demanded. "I'm going to get my revenge now!"
"See Guilty Gear Versus SNK Chapter 1," Anji was advising the readers. "It's the chapter titled 'When Broomhead–"
"Stop calling me Broomhead! Johnny! Where's that punk kid?"
Everyone moved away from Bridget, who was idly sipping a Sarsi cola and looked totally unperturbed. "Eh?"
"You!" Benimaru advanced menacingly on his target… who happened to be Millia, invited by Johnny for the wedding and mistaken by the KOF fighter to be Bridget. "Bridget, I don't know how you grew older and taller and looked like a real woman, but now I'll kick your ass!"
Frowning at the insult, Millia formed her hair into a big Piko-Piko Hammer and bopped Benimaru on the head.
"Ow."
"I'm not Bridget, dummy." The blonde Russian made her hair into a hand sign and pointed at Bridget. "He's Bridget."
Benimaru stared at the Brit boy. "That's impossible! That punk is a real boy! The guy I'm looking for is a cross-dresser who wears nun's clothing! Besides, this guy looks like Quatre!"
"I really should get my name and my hair changed," Bridget decided. That was a mistake as Benimaru recognized his voice.
"Ah! So, you think you can disguise yourself, huh? Well, prepare to fight!" Then Broomhead–
"DAMN IT! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!"
–attacked.
Bridget grinned as he pulled out his new, lethal and destructive weapon:
A Hibiki Takane plushie doll.
Even as an agonized scream from nearby echoed all across the Mayship, Bridget summoned the power of the plushie toy created by the Person With Many Aliases in the seventh chapter of An Unfortunate Series of Advent. Suddenly the screen went plushie black before it went back to plushie normal, with Plushie Hibiki sheathing her plushie pole sword and saying in her cute plushie way, "Shinu." A plushie wind then blew and Benimaru toppled to the ground, a plushie toy now as well and fully–
"DESTROYED!" commented the GG announcer before going back to commentate on the ongoing fight between April and Misaki in this same story earlier, which will be continued later on.
There was a plushie spell of plushie silence before:
"That was plushie weird," Johnny commented at plushie last.
"Defeated again by that kid," Plushie Benimaru mumbled. "And with a plushie toy of Hibiki. I can't bear the shame!" His hair fell down and he was out cold.
"At least I didn't use Harem No Jutsu," Bridget said defensively.
"Aw," Johnny muttered in disappointment. He was hoping to get a crack at Chii or Black Chii.
"You don't want to try it, Johnny," Anji told his friend. "Blackheart ZERO found it out the hard way."
(Aside, Blackheart is happily in a daze, what after Chii and Black Chii hugged him simultaneously. The two Chobits were off wandering to who knew where, planning whatever they had in mind…)
Everyone was startled by a howl of pure fury. They turned to find Lone Wolf there decked up in red jacket and cap, his aura practically on fire, glaring angrily at Bridget who was still guiltily holding Plushie Hibiki.
"SACRILEGE!" The GG author was furious to see his darling Hibiki as a cute plushie doll and not get to cuddle it himself, just as Sheo would have gone bonkers when Kirika or Tessa or Rei was concerned. "How dare you hold Hibiki's image in such senseless disrespect! You will learn to fear the wrath of a Lone Wolf whose girlfriend you mess with!"
So saying, Lone Wolf got into his Overdrive pose and yelled: "Are you okay?"
"Uh, oh." Everyone knew what that meant and ran for cover.
"All this for a plushie toy?" Bridget shook his head. "Okay, you can have it."
"BUSTER-Eh?" Lone Wolf looked confused, then hopeful, like a kid waiting for Santa Claus to bring home his gift. "Really, Bridget?"
Bridget put Plushie Hibiki in his hands. "Here you go. Consider it a present from me and the P4."
Bubbling with delight, Lone Wolf nuzzled Plushie Hibiki and began lovingly mumbling to himself in a Gollum voice: "My preciousss, my darling preciousss…." Even while the real Hibiki was amusedly watching the plushie toy get such attention from her boyfriend; go figure, she's a kind girl.
"Weird," Bridget commented, even as he pocketed the second Plushie Hibiki Doll he had in possession. "Who else can have such an affliction for plushie toys?"
Tessa, Kirika, Rei (yes, even Rei) and all the girls couldn't suppress giggles. They were watching the entranced Sheo Darren buy an entire store of plushie doll versions of all his girls and tote the whole load into his bedroom, where he arranged them carefully all around his bed before plopping himself in their midst and sleeping contented.
Back to the battle with April and Misaki:
"Why her?" April complained loudly. "Why of all people do I have to fight a Geese Howard clone?"
At the arena's commentators' table were two familiar faces: That of the Guilty Gear the King of Fighters announcers, now on their new jobs what with their current break from Lone Wolf's Guilty Gear versus SNK fan fiction.
"So," the GG announcer told his KOF counterpart; "What do you think of this battle?"
"Well, this will certainly be an interesting fight. Both fighters are cute girls in real sexy outfits about to mud wrestle, so it's a fan boy's delight. The advantage lies with Misaki as she has fighting powers while April has none. I bet April will be massacred."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," April grumbled.
"So, shall we begin?" the SNK announcer asked.
"You got it!" chimed in a newcomer, the SNK Versus Capcom Chaos announcer who popped out of nowhere. "Round 1! No escape! Fight!"
"The way this story is crossing-over with a ton of other stuff," Jack commented wryly, "The Guilty Gear stuff is getting choked off. Maybe we should transfer over to FictionPress.com…"
"Well, let's get this over with!" Unhappy with the whole thing as she was, April was nevertheless a go-getter girl. Yelling a battle cry, she charged towards Misaki, who didn't seemed threatened and merely raised an arm and saying–
"Reppuken."
The attack itself wasn't that bad. It was getting sprayed by all the mud thrown up by the projectile that got on her. As it happened, April was covered head to toe from that single Reppuken and looked like some sort of unfinished clay statue.
Jack was going to laugh, but he caught the girl's murderous glare and thought it wise to keep his peace.
The next few one-sided minutes had April getting hit by Reppukens, Double Reppukens and Aerial Reppukens –or rather, the mud thrown up by the projectiles in question, thoroughly soaking the brunette in the icky suspension. At one point Misaki gathered enough Tension Gauge and launched her Overdrive.
"Rising Force!"
The result was a massive geyser of mud that sprayed everyone inside and outside the arena, save for Geese who blasted the mud coming his way with a Reppuken.
"Hah! Mud cannot smear the Most Powerful Man In The World!"
Though now as soaked in mud as the fighters were, Jack was more worried to see April on the verge of defeat. "Come on, April! You can win!"
"It's easy for you to say that!" she shot back distractedly. "You're not the one fighting here!"
Misaki tapped April on the shoulder. "Excuse me."
"Huh?"
"Predictable."
Bruised and battered, poor April picked herself up painfully from having been tossed and muddied all across the screen. "I can't beat her, I don't have the power," she was actually sobbing. "I'm sorry, Jack, but I did my best, but it just wasn't enough…"
The Brit boy suddenly felt a deep pang of regret and shame. "April…" He then ran into the arena and put himself between April and Misaki.
"Jack?"
"Stop!" A decent lad despite his libido and his animosity to April, Jack had had enough. "I won't let you hurt April!" he dramatically swore. "Hurt me instead, but don't attack her anymore!"
Misaki and April stared at him for a long moment.
"Okay," the former said, shrugging.
Relieved, Jack turned to smile at April, but saw her eyes full of warning–
"Look out!"
"Eh?"
"Reppuken."
When the pain cleared from his head and some of the mud off his face, Jack realized several things:
1) Misaki took my announcement seriously and sent the Reppuken my way instead of April's.
2) It hurts.
3) Like hell.
4) What is the round, warm, soft thing in my hand?
5) April looks very shocked...
6) Her face is also very close to mine.
7) Oh, I'm lying on top of her.
8) What a nice perverted position.
9) Nosebleed alert.
10) Uh, oh…
SMACK!
"HENTAI!"
Jack wondered if his neck needed to be screwed back on place, what with that really hard thwack he just received.
Furious, April didn't stop with a mere slap. She grabbed the dazed Jack's ankles and began spinning around and around very fast. Misaki watched curiously then realized too late the danger. April swung her impromptu weapon Misaki's way while yelling: "SPINNING JACK CLOTHESLINER!"
"Oh, shi-" Jack began.
POW!
Hit solidly by the centrifugal-force-driven Brit boy's body, Misaki was sent spinning all across the screen before coming to a squishy splashdown. April dropped the dizzy Jack and went for the decisive pin.
"One! Two! Three! April wins!" the SVC Chaos announcer announces. "Ha, pay up, guys! I won our bet!"
"Darn," the GG and SNK announcers muttered as they handed over their money to him.
"Yes!" April exulted. Drenched in mud and basically worn out as a pair of old jeans, she was still really happy. "I won!"
"And I hurt like hell," Jack groaned. April immediately turned on him:
"Serves you right, you sukebe."
"Hey! I did not mean to grope you, if it makes any difference!"
"And now you rip off Evangelion, Vandread, RahXephon and One Day, Isang Diwa? You men are all alike!"
"Oh, so you won't stop, eh? Well, to tell the truth, I'd rather grope Misaki than a flat-chested tomboy like you!"
"What did you say?"
Immediately forgetting their temporary truce, April and Jack began fighting again right there in the mud, forgetting that there were still people there. The audience looked at them for a long moment of silence, then began cheering and rooting at the two fighting in the arena.
"Tear his head off, kid!"
"Go show the brick wall what being a man means!"
"Hey, who owns this shotgun?"
"Beinte kay Jack," a Filipino said. (Twenty bucks on Jack)
Meanwhile, Geese was helping Misaki on her feet. "I lost, Mister Howard," the girl was saying sadly. "I'm sorry."
"And no dramatic end, too." The Most Powerful Man In The World looked a bit upset. "I knew I forgot something in your training. Oh, well. We'll fix that!"
"Really?" Misaki had shining hope in her eyes. "Will you really make me a honest-to-goodness fighting game villain?"
"Of course!" He laughed. "As of this moment, you are my adopted daughter: Misaki Howard! I will show you the way of legendary villains in fighting games!" As the two walked off into the distance, Geese could be heard clearly elaborating to Misaki: "First off, we need to work on your English…"
Chloe, Shin Noir and newest addition to Sheo Darren's harem, was trying to think of something to give Kirika when she noticed the P4 computer's printer making noise. She saw that the printer had just spat out several sheets of paper.
"What are these for?" Curious, the girl scanned the printed pages and read aloud:
"This chapter is termed 'P4: Rise of the Machines' because the P4 computer, a machine, has risen up to take control of the story." Chloe gave the computer a suspicious look before again browsing the print.
"The wedding will take place next chapter. As usual, it will be crazy. Wait for it, pitiful carbon-based life forms." Chloe gave the readers a rather disbelieving look. "Its words, not mine.
"Finally: Here is the misnamed OMAKE or 'BONUS' part, which presents teasers, trailers, crazy stuff and Random Stuff That Sage Wrote. And yes: The last reference was a joke."
Chloe shook her head while she tossed the paper into a trash bin. "Weird."
Sol Badguy frowned.
He was not a cheerful person by any means, unless soused with enough beer to merit a disgruntled sort of contentment. He was not a person who was easily surprised or disturbed, even with the crazy things that happened all too frequently in fan fiction (especially those written by yaoi-loving fan girls). That didn't mean he was never surprised; it meant he simply did not gape or shriek or faint like normal (or abnormal, take your pick) people when confronted with the odd, strange and unbelievable.
Like right now.
He was certainly not on Earth anymore, or at least not on solid ground. The wispy cotton-like vapors beneath his feet that were rock firm despite being clouds told him so, and same with the odd critters with wings and halos singing hymns in the background, or the odd funky techno-music that was playing, or the big words dropping down from the sky saying, "Athena's Own Heaven".
Grimacing, Sol muttered: "After all I've said about not wanting to have anything to do with God, I end up in Heaven after all?"
"SOL-CHAAAAAAAAAA~N!"
"Correction," darkly thought the Guilty Gear, quoting Baiken in the previous chapter. "I'm in Hell."
Tall and strong he may be, one hundred and twenty five pounds of five foot four energetic redhead package of kick-ass cuteness traveling at 100 miles per hour –also known as Justine Harrier on glomping mode– was enough to unbalance Sol. He reached out and grabbed her by the scruff of her costume's collar and hauled the girl up to eye level. The cheery Justine resembled a kitty cat pawing cutely at thin air.
"Can I have my Walkman back now, Freddie?"
Sol wanted to spout off his usual retort to such requests, but then thought better of it. Justine was so infatuated with him that she'd move Heaven and Hell if she thought it would please him one bit. She was also always on the prowl for any situation she could snuggle up to him or worse, and she also tended to take him too literally. That meant Sol's repertoire of dirty American swearwords –all sexually implicative– would be taken literally, and then he'd have hell to deal with the all-too-perky and rather aggressive twit–
And this is the girl who's supposed to be the resurrected Justice who's supposed to be my most mortal of enemies, Sol thought grumpily as Justine slipped free and glomped him again.
"Hey!"
The call got both of their attention primarily because the speaker and a girl. Sol was thinking, Not another one, while Justine went more like, Huh?
The girl glared at the pair rather forcefully, or as forceful as a cute girl could. She had long hair whose color varied between dark purple and black, lively lavender eyes and a cute face that seemed very familiar and –weirdly– threatening to Sol. She also was literally stripped down for action, what with her wearing just a sexy red two-piece, boots and a rather recognizable headband. And to inform the viewer that she was not just some random hot cute Japanese gal which anime and games were overrun with, she toted a sword and shield of classical Greek make.
Sol studied her carefully –not really because of her costume, mind you, thought he did think she had nice wheels– because he thought he recognized her and ought to be wary. At the same time, Justine noticed Sol's stare, saw where it was aimed, and was properly jealous.
"Hey, you." The girl gave them something of a look that bordered on both amusement and disdain. "What are you going here? You don't belong here."
"I know," Sol smirked. He also noticed that Justine's grip around his neck tightened considerably.
"Just who are you?" The way she phrased her question, Justine was aiming to remind Sol that she was far better than this newcomer and should be the center of his attention. "Why are you telling us we don't belong here?"
"Well, unless you're illiterate, I suppose you can read those words over there?" The girl gestured to the big words in bright red, hanging in the sky.
"We're not blind," Justine menacingly snapped back. "So what if this place is Athena's Own Heaven? We just happened to be passing by, no need to be rude."
"You're the ones who're being rude!"
"Says who?"
"Says you!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Sol sensed a catfight developing out of this but thought, what the hell, I don't care.
As Justine and the new girl traded poisonous glares, the latter noticed Sol. Her lavender eyes then went wide as recognition dawned upon her–
–Just as Sol's eyes also widened as he realized who this girl was!
"SOL?"
"ATHENA?"
Justine looked confused. "Hey, is there something I should know?"
The girl wasn't forthcoming with any answers for her, but she was quick to do something: She launched herself at them and, dropping her sword and shield and whatever sense of propriety she still had and surprising both her target and Justine, glomped Sol.
"SOL!"
Sol so badly wanted to curse, but with two girls literally pressed up to him it just was not right. He did manage: "Athena, what the hell were you thinking when you chose that outfit?"
"Do you like it?" Athena Asamiya (the KOF/SNK VS Capcom Chaos costumed one) was grinning. "It's my new costume as the hidden boss character. I've never worn anything like it before, but I thought you'd be impressed so I put it on. You own my soul, Sol!"
He was impressed, all right, but Sol had a bad feeling about this entire thing. Then he remembered that there were not one, but two pairs of arms around his neck. Athena noticed, too, the third party in the field.
Justine was not jealous. No, that was too light a word. She was envious, resentful, covetous, desirous, protective, selfish and the works. She also happened to be also clinging to Sol, just as Athena was.
The moment the two girls' eyes met, sparks flew. If looks could kill, they'd be both dead a million times over.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CLINGING LIKE THAT TO MY SOL-CHAN?!?"
"Oh, shit."
"SVC Chaos reference?"
"Yup. I wonder: Is this Athena the GG writer, the SVC Chaos boss, or a mix of both?"
"I wonder when the Read Or Die TV series will be featured?"
"Now that was a cool anime. Lots of busty and cute gals?"
"Joker is one hell of an awesome manipulator. Plus, Wendy's a lot cooler, too."
"Isn't Junior one of those kids really hungry for attention?"
"Bishies will never die or fade away…"
"Lots of lesbian pairings, too: Nenene-Michelle, Nenene-Yomiko, Yomiko-Nancy, Anita-Tomoyo clone…"
"Ah, yes, the ever-present Tomoyo clone." RV's glasses were shining sinisterly. "Complete with lesbian affection for main character. Plus lots of little girls. I like little girls…"
"Didn't Sheo also like her?" Sammy asked, or rather, meowed.
"Sheo likes Tomoyo and all her clones," Taka Ichiko reminded, "But he hates any reminder about her affectionate preferences for her cousin or the logical developments. You know, like the fan art comic we saw."
(Inside the Ultrasaurus from far-away, Sheo Darren suddenly cringed as if in pain or denial about something.)
Ebs: "Hah! He is in denial about his true pedophilic tendencies!"
"Especially that hentai picture he glimpsed while I was using your computer…"
(Again Sheo cringed.)
"Anyway," finished Taka Ichiko, "I got to go for a while. I'm joining up with Sho for this story. I'll make a point to mess a lot with Tomoyo."
(All his girls are startled when Sheo bolts upright in bed, screaming "NO! NOT TOMOYO!" and then falling back into his coma.)
"Hah! The Potato is back! Fear me!"
BANG!
Taka Ichiko eliminated The Purple Dinosaur with Mauser shot to the forehead.
"Babalikan kita…" (I'll come back for you…)
"Counterstrike?"
Nearly defeated in the last chapter but not out of the game at all, Yuuki and Sho Tsuzuku earnestly discuss their next plans.
"If this were my fan fiction," Sho noted, "You would be sickened by the sheer cruelty I will inflict on the characters. But of course I will not reveal my stories right now, not yet, but in their proper time."
Though pleased to have at least immobilized Sheo in their last fight, Yuuki was none too happy. "Can we stop talking about your fan fiction and start talking about how we're going to launch our next move?"
"You mean our 'Counterattack'."
"Why do you have to think so Gundam-like?"
"I can do my Ranma-like thinking, if you want."
"Never mind… So, what do we do next?"
"Wait for new developments and reinforcements. We've yet to know what we're up against; something about that P4 bothers me, and Sheo is still a threat. The Box of Doom is currently off getting its just reward, but it'll be back, count on that. Luckily my friend Taka Ichiko is coming to back us up, and if I pull it off right, we just might get Chipp on our side plus a certain–but I will reveal that next chapter."
"You're quite long-winded, are you?"
"And you're just a little girl. Fear RV."
Mai, Ikumi, Sayuri, Nayuki, Shiori and Kaori were all crying over the shredded remains of the Box of Doom Mk 3 (Balikbayan). "Master, why did you have to leave us? Curse Sho!"
Suddenly, they felt a familiar presence nearby. They all turned to look, and then gasped in shock –and in delight.
"Hello, girls. I'm back…"
Inside the Ultrasaurus, Tessa, Kirika, Rei and all the girls were gathered around Sheo's bed, careful not to disturbed the army of plushie dolls surrounding him. Aside, Sammy the cat was paying careful watch, but not carefully enough as it would later be proved.
"Please, Sheo, please come back to us," the girls all quietly pleaded. "We miss you. Come back to us, please."
None of them noticed his hand slowly close, or his eyes to take on a different light for a while, or his mouth to curve slightly in the faintest of smiles.
The P4 computer's screen gleamed. Soon…