GUILTY GEAR
The Wedding Night
The Series
Conceived By: The P4 Computer
Written By: Sheo Darren (under influence of the P4 computer)
As Sheo Darren is still in his Camille Vidan coma phase, the P4 computer sends this message: Due to the many plot developments in the previous two chapters, it has decided to temporarily violate the spirit and title of this fan fiction in order to resolve these side stories. Anji and Baiken's wedding will still be covered, but much of this chapter will be set in the events parallel to it. Also, do not be surprised if the theme is darker in some respects, as there is a new plot in the making…
Rated PG 13 for some violence, inanity, confusion, multiple anime crossovers, commentary, author's self-inserts, dragging the good names and stories of other unsuspecting writers into the mess, advertisement of author's other stories, etc, etc.
Coupling: Baiken Seishino and Anji Mito.
Sheo Darren does not own Guilty Gear and all the stuff he's ripping off. Neither does Sho Tsuzuku, Ebs, Arvi (not RV as originally conceived), Taka Ichiko, Lone Wolf SIX and whomever person or writer this story decides to mess with.
The Wedding Night Series
Arc Two
Pink Katana and Stopping Fans
Episode 3: Author Wars II
Sammy the kitten –also known as Kirika Yumura's furry pet fluff-ball, 'Shin Noir' Chloe's arch nemesis and the only male in the Ultrasaurus aside from Sheo Darren and Earl Osborne– stalked into the bedroom. He did not take heed of the sleeping form on the bed as Sheo was still in a coma, harmless and surrounded by a veritable army of plush toys all in the images of his girls. Instead Sammy went straight for the only other thing in the room that immediately caught people's attention: The Pentium P4 1.6-gigahertz 126 MB RAM Windows 98 2nd Edition personal computer in its movable frame, its screen awash with light as it was currently on and running whatever program Bill Gates' insidious Microsoft Windows OS series had chosen to run.
Sammy sat himself on his haunches and stared at the P4. Then, suddenly, he spoke in a clear and discernible human voice:
"Hah! I now have you where I want you, luckless machine!"
Yes, he could talk normally, save that he did only when he was alone or with his fellow self-insert guys. In fact, Sammy was far from a normal kitten, much less a kitten at all.
"Do you really think that you could go on as you please, machine?" Sammy gestured before him with a paw. "Now is the time that my plans unfold and take root!"
Suddenly the P4's printer began printing noisily. A sheet of paper fell out of the OUT tray and before Sammy's paws.
AND WHAT WOULD THAT MEAN, KITTY-CAT?
"Argh! Do not call me by that pitiful moniker, machine, unless you wish to feel true horror and pain!"
Again the P4 printed its answer:
I AM A MACHINE, KITTY-CAT. I CANNOT FEEL PAIN AND FEAR.
"Well, I'll make you! I swear!"
DULY NOTED, KITTY-CAT. BY THE WAY, I HAVE ALREADY KNOWN THAT YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU SEEM.
"WHAT?" At first Sammy was incredulous, and then he began laughing in a weird way. "But that knowledge will not save you, machine! Not before the awesome powers I and my kind bear! You see," the kitten continued evilly, "I am not an Earth kitten! I am the vanguard of my race, the mighty feline empire of Nibbles!"
IS THAT SO? AND WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS, IF YOU CARE TO TELL ME?
"Hah! I have been sent here to scout the planet for people who might pose a threat to our invasion! But I see we overestimated your kind! Your mighty defenders are not worthy of renown or attention at all!"
The scene switches to shots of Lone Wolf SIX doting over the Plushie Hibiki he had just gotten from Bridget, even as the real Hibiki shakes her head in amusement–
"Hibiki-chan, Hibiki-chan, oh, how I love you, Hibiki-chan!"
"Lone Wolf-san, you can be so silly sometimes…"
–Then to TRUE Unknown haranguing to the 'Organization Of Fans Who Want To See Bridget And Dizzy Go At It Like Rabbits'–
"First of all, we're going to hack into the files of all fan fiction writers who favor Bridget-May or any other pairings for Bridget! Starting with Sheo Darren and his The Wedding Night! Death to Sheo! Seig Bridget-Dizzy!"
"Seig Bridget-Dizzy! Seig Bridget-Dizzy!"
–Blackheart ZERO, up to his Shakespeare impersonation again–
"Quoth the Blackheart: Nevermore!"
–And Person With Many Aliases, who, last time the P4 checked…–
Samurai Showdown Zero's Mina Makijina was dutifully doing her duty as personal maid to Person WMA, which at this moment consisted of giving him a service something Sheo Darren got to enjoy with Tessa, Kirika and Rei back in Chapter 3 of this same fan fiction: A massage.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, that feels GOOOOOOD! You're very good at this, Mina-chan…"
"Arigatou…"
"And you're so cute when you blush… give me a hug…"
"Person!"
"The reader can see for himself/herself that Earth's most powerful writers are not a threat to my empire at all!" Sammy gloated. "The only author who showed enough interest in protecting the world was Sheo Darren, and right now he is a vegetable! Nothing can stop me and my empire now, machine! Nothing!"
I BEG TO DISAGREE.
"You think to stand in my empire's way? You will learn to fear us!"
WE WILL SEE, SAMMY THE KITTY-CAT.
The kitten screeched loudly. "Don't call me 'kitty-cat, machine! Anyways, the name 'Sammy' is human-bestowed and only convenient until I reveal myself fully! My true name will strike terror into the hearts of a thousand planets' populations!"
WHAT IS YOUR NAME, THEN?
Sammmy dignifiedly announced: "Mittens."
There was a long moment of silence. The P4's monitor went into Screensaver mode, and a video played on screen. The video happened to be of Tessa, Kirika and Rei giving Sammy a bath. Thankfully, the girls were dressed decently and were not in any indecent or suggestive poses; otherwise, even comatose as he was, Sheo might just have gone berserk.
The insolent action pissed off Sammy, especially when the P4 kept rewinding the video to the part where Kirika was nuzzling him. Coincidentally, Chloe could be seen in the background staring enviously at them.
"You dare to mock me?" Furious, the kitten who was not a kitten unlocked his true power. "Prepare to die, machine! TAKE THIS!"
IT IS YOU WHO WILL DIE, KITTY-CAT. FEAR THE P4, CARBON-BASED LIFE-FORM! ERROR: BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!
The door was sound-proofed, so no one outside could hear the explosions.
Bearing important news, Tessa, Kirika and Rei were heading towards Sheo's room.
"Do you think Sheo could help us?" Tessa was worrying and for good reason.
"Hai." Kirika did not elaborate; she didn't need to.
Behind them, Rei remained quiet as the grave.
Tessa opened the door and forced on her cheery smile. "Hello, Sheo! How are–"
The bedroom seemed lifted from an old war movie. There were craters and bullet holes and pockmarks on the floor and walls and ceiling, still smoking of cordite and high explosives. About the only things in the room that had not been damaged or destroyed was the P4 computer, Sheo's bed and everything on it, and Sammy, the last sitting on the floor and twirling his tail as he innocently meowed.
The three girls stared at the scene of destruction. Sammy meowed and ran over to Kirika, who picked him up and stroked his head absently as she and Tessa and Rei gave the P4 a suspicious look.
On the P4's screen, the closing window of Microsoft Windows 98 2nd Ed began playing. "Windows is closing now. Goodbye, and have a nice day."
"Weird," Tessa said for her companions as they went over to the comatose Sheo. It had been their practice to tell Sheo about the latest developments even when he was comatose. Skuld and Washu had verified the fact that the semi-lucid author was aware of the events around him in a detached sort of way. Of course their explanation had merited several hours' worth of brain-numbing scientific bosh, again before the layman's version was laid out.
"Sheo. We have a problem."
Yuuki –otherwise known as That Girl, the local 'bastardized'–
"Hey! I resent that term!"
–Correction; Yuuki, the local 'edited' version of That Man–
"Good. That's better…"
–couldn't be more proud or worried at the same time. Having lost the Death Star during the titanic battle in Chapter 5, she and her allies had retreated to her secondary headquarters, which happened to be the monstrosity the audience glimpsed in Chapter 6: The giant yellow flying rubber ducky bath toy, the same one that had kidnapped Baiken.
Though it was terminally tacky to look at and brought guffaws to all who saw it, the rubber ducky was pretty decent … at least, for a really weird idea of a mobile base. It did have comfortable quarters and good air conditioning –the last being the department where the Death Star had been impressively disappointing. The ducky was also stealthy on sensors (an amusing fact since you didn't need radar or anything to spot it, just a pair of good eyes) and was pretty fast and agile. Yuuki needed that agility and speed; the last time she tangled with Sheo, the infinitely-damned Ultrasaurus –how the hell did it get into space in the first place?– had practically eaten her base defenses alive and whole.
If you can't beat them, run away.
But what she needed most was confidence. That Girl's confidence had been rather shaken with her near-defeat at the hands of her creator. Sure, she had lucked out and managed to send Sheo into a coma, and what a silly idea it was: Drive a guy nuts by attacking the dreamy ideals he holds of his girls.
But Yuuki had only just managed to snatch herself from the jaws of defeat. However fearsome Sheo was, at least he had some compassion for women and children. Earl Osborne was a different matter entirely. The Filipino action hero was, to use one word, Permanent God Mode: He never ran out of ammo or tricks and made Dirty Harry look like Mahatma Gandhi.
But this time, the outcome would be different. Sure, her targets were easier foes than Sheo. But it would be a step forward in terms of regaining the initiative. And the initiative was what counted.
"This time," Yuuki swore as around her the machinery of her plots came into activation. "This time, I'll win!"
"Are you ready, girls?"
The EFZ girls all pumped their hands into the air, bathed as they were in eerie light. "Yes, Master!"
"We will show That Girl and Sho Tsuzuku that we are a force to be reckoned with in this fan fiction!" The speaker ominously sounded like Sauron's voice in Lord of the Rings, then switched to some funny Japanese-accented English. "Onwards, to our glorious revenge that awaits!"
Mai leading the way, the EFZ girls and what had once been the Box of Doom Mk III sneaked away into the dark…
Sir G, fan fiction writer/reviewer extraordinaire with angelic and ruthless democratic satanic evil genius Russian sides a la Undine and Necro, looked surprised to see the current scene focusing on him. Even more so to find a sheet of paper in his hands with the lines he is supposed to say.
"So, I finally got dragged into this GG author war, eh? And this is my fifteen minutes of fame for this chapter?" He grinned evilly, then activated his unholier side and began a flaming rant worthy of Father Alexander Anderson at the latter's worst:
"YOU SHOULDBE CRUCIFIED! You dare keep your rating PG when the developments scream for a PG-13 rating at the very least! Fortunately, you'd seen your error and changed Cranberry to Kuradoberi. STILL! You might say you are in a coma right now –a creative slump? hah!– but you are still responsible for this and not your piffling P4 computer! The craziness here has exceeded even my ability to understand it! What more the other readers? GET SOME REAL SLEEP! And now it's time to go to bed, children."
With that, Sir G went out the door to take a nap.
Even sleepy as he was, Bridget immediately knew his wife was awake when the familiar comfy warmth slipped out of his arms. Grumbling, he got up and saw May staring off at empty space again.
"May?"
"If I grow old, Bridget, will you leave me?"
Her voice was wispy and sounded lost. The Brit lad was startled by the dramatic and sad atmosphere the fan fiction had taken all of a sudden. "What is the P4 up to now?"
"Will you?"
"Eh? Of course not! You're my wife! Why'd I leave someone as cute and sexy and fun as you for someone else?"
"Dizzy's sexier than me. Why didn't you marry her?"
"Because Ky got to her first, that's why. And before you suggest Hotaru instead, Rock will kill me. And besides," he added, "I love you."
"Will you still love me for what I am?"
"Of course." Bridget grinned boyishly. "Now wipe away that sad look on your face, and hug me before I do something silly."
The way she looked so forlorn, May was certainly not her normal self. "If I turn evil, will you come and save me?"
Bridget was now worried. Whatever the P4 was up to with the sudden change in tempo, it certainly was not good. If Sheo had been okay, this kind of crap would never have happened. The Filipino author might be sort of crazy, but he was decent and really liked May. Biases count, you know.
But he had to answer, and there was only one answer for that question. "Whatever happens, I will stay by you." His arms came around her waist, and he planted a loving kiss on her cheek. "I will be with you, by your heart and by your side."
May reached out to touch her husband's face lovingly. "You think we still have time before the wedding?" After all, they were on the very ship it would be held on.
"Lots of it," he answered with a knowing smile. "We have all the time in the world."
If he'd only looked closely, maybe Bridget would have seen that her eyes were so different. And maybe he'd be brought to true fear.
The wedding of Anji Mito and Baiken Seishino was a small private affair. Preparing for it was easy compared to the gigantic and near-disastrous wedding of Ky and Dizzy, as the guest list was arguably short: Baiken's family having all died during the Crusades' madness and Anji also being an orphan.
Among notables were Lone Wolf SIX and Hibiki Takane, invited because Hibiki was a friend of Baiken's and fellow Japanese. Lone Wolf was making a lot out of his girlfriend's absolutely lovely kimono, enough so that Akari had joked that Hibiki just might steal the show from Baiken.
"Maybe you can ask Sheo to marry the two of you in a later chapter," the shrine maiden/demon slayer girl suggested. Lone Wolf and Hibiki had blushed in embarrassment and shooed Akari away.
The buffet was tended to by Jam, of course. Ky might be gone –and with that much of her inspiration– but business was business. Besides, she needed the money to repair her restaurant yet again. Back in Chapter 20 of Lone Wolf SIX's Guilty Gear vs SNK, Robo-Ky and K' had a fight that had naturally spilled over and dragged innocents into it: Namely, Jam, her friend Lee, Lee's troupe of lion dancers, and Jam's restaurant. Refer to Lone Wolf for details; he's updating soon, or so the P4 believes.
"And she'd forbidden us to have a date there anymore, too," Johnny was telling Millia.
"Don't look at me; blame Venom. If he hadn't dodged my 'Iron Maiden' Instant Kill in Jam's third GGXX ending, I wouldn't have blown up the restaurant by mistake."
Johnny sighed. What was a guy luckless in love supposed to do?
Speaking of luckless, per his custom Miroku earlier went about the Mayship asking all the Jellyfish girls if they'd bear his child. They had all replied in more or less the same way, save that some of the stronger girls had punctuated their rejections with a slap or a Mallet Of Doom That Comes Out Of Nowhere To Bonk Perverted Characters. Millia was even more stand-offish: She had thrown a hair dagger at him, attacked him with various combos and was even preparing to power up her IK. Luckily, Johnny had beaten her to Miroku; after all, the Jellyfish Lord's IK was more terrain-friendly. You couldn't have the Mayship blow up in mid-air while you rode it, could you?
Yet, game as he was, Miroku went around until he found a new target, a certain brown-haired girl dressed in red garb, a girl he hadn't seen during his stay onboard until now.
"Oi, Miss, would you spare me a moment of attention?"
Even before he saw what happened to her eyes, Miroku felt the aura surrounding her and knew something was wrong. He was a monk, after all. A perverted monk, yes, but still a monk. But before he could voice out his suspicion or take a battle stance, he heard voices come his way.
"That's him, Quatre! That's the perverted monk guy who's been bugging us!"
"How many times do I have to tell you–aw, what the heck, never mind: ME/MY KILLING MACHINE!!!"
As Miroku's world burst into flaming pain dealt by an evil teddy bear from hell on a flaming toy bike, he had a momentary glimpse of those terrifying eyes and that impish smile that was so against it. Then he blacked out.
"Bridget, you shouldn't have gone all out on him."
"I'm your husband, right? I have to protect what is mine."
"You men are all so aggressive."
"Don't I get a reward?"
Smiling naughtily, May gave him what he was asking for: A kiss.
Since the wedding was supposed to be known to only the handful of people invited as guests and to those who organized it, everyone supposed that there wouldn't be any trouble.
"Don't you just love it when people get so confident?" Sho Tsuzuku laughed.
Beside him, Yuuki was less confident. "There is still a large potential for a screw-up, Sho. I remind you that Murphy's Law can still get all-out on us."
"If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong?"
"No, I mean the TV series on ABS-CBN."
"Eh?"
"Obscure joke. Never mind…"
Behind them, the winds of fate blew magnificently, masking the small group of men clustered nearby.
"I wonder," Yuuki thought as she and her allies prepared for their attack. "Where is the Box?"
Inside a dark and cramped space, it waited.
It once was just a box.
Now, it had a voice.
And now?
It needed victims.
The ceremony itself was, thankfully, a breeze. Baiken hated pompous overdrawn events and had said so to the elder Masaki who was going to officiate alone; Miroku, having been just toasted to a crisp, was understandably absent. Of course the Pink Katana had explained in her own blunt way, underlined with her sword and gun.
"…Or else. Do you understand, old man?"
Masaki-san understood the message very well.
Much to everyone's relief, no disaster of any kind struck during the wedding itself. The ceremony proceeded smoothly and with no hassle. With all the guests and the bride and groom thanking God for small miracles, everyone went over to the reception area to eat.
Baiken, now Mrs. Anji Mito, was glowing with pride and happiness as she received greetings and well-wishes. Her lucky husband seemed in a daze, unable to register much aside from Baiken's presence and commands. Anji was easily led to do whatever his wife asked of him, suggesting that the reality of being Baiken's husband at last was a bit too much for him to take all at once.
The wedding cake was huge and beautiful, with lots of flowery decorations and adornments. Most importantly, it looked delicious and was enough to feed everyone and still have enough left-over food for tomorrow.
"We owe Jam a big one for this," Johnny was saying as all the guests watched an amused Baiken guide the somewhat bewildered Anji towards the cake.
Then Jam herself arrived, stared at the cake, and said:
"That's not my cake."
Everyone froze.
"What do you mean by that, Kuradoberi?" Baiken asked in a delicately dangerous voice.
"I mean, 'That's not the cake I cooked'." The Chinese cook's stare was pronounced, even as her friend Lee arrived with the real wedding cake. "Damn it; first it was Person With Many Aliases, then this. Crazy."
"Then where the hell did this come from?" the bride growled in her old scary way, gesturing to the fake contraption–
–before she and everyone else suddenly realized what this all meant.
The fake cake fell apart and revealed two familiar figures and one new person. One was a smirking Geese Howard look-alike dressed in dark cloak and fighting gi. The other was a ten year old girl with orange hair, spectacles and who happened to be That Man–or rather, That Girl. The third person was a guy dressed up as a high school student but who carried a Mauser rifle.
"Good evening, mortals." Sho Tsuzuku smiled with great vengeance. "I believe the term is, 'Prepare for trouble/ Make it double?'"
"Sho," quietly corrected Yuuki while she tipped her glasses in patient annoyance, "The readers hate Pokemon jokes. Didn't Lone Wolf SIX ever tell you about the time he got complaints and flames?"
"It was not by my will that I heard of that. It was knowledge from Sheo, who made the acquaintance with Lone Wolf…"
"Are we ripping off Castlevania again?" It was Taka Ichiko, the third guy, who noted this.
Sho shrugged. "Not very effectively, I presume."
"What a pleasant interruption," growled Baiken as she drew her sword and armed her gun. "Now: DIE." All the other people there followed her lead.
"As usual, you pitiful beings think you can stop us. Well: Have at thee!" Even as Yuuki face-palmed herself –they had earlier supposedly agreed to stop showing off like a bunch of idiots–, the super-powerful Sho gestured grandly.
Out from the ruins of the cake that was their hiding place was a very familiar figure, with 'Broomhead' hair–
"THAT IS NOT ME!" the voice of Benimaru screamed from beyond the screen.
"We know!" the audience yelled back before they all PWNed him.
Testament watched the carnage and said: "Well, at least I'm not alone in this crap anymore," before he also got PWNed for no apparent reason.
Then Gato appeared. "What the hell am I doing here?" he demanded, before again everyone PWNed him.
"Hey. Smelly-Hair. Long time no see."
"Shut up, you potato-loving pervert…."
–and Thai kick boxer outfit: Joe Higashi!
"Hello, Anji Mito! We meet again! And in this new fight, I will win!"
Now, that got Anji out of his dilemma and into his 'superhero' mode. "Never!" The bespectacled Japanese revealed his Stopping Fans and got into his fighting pose. "I will not let you ruin my wedding!"
"Stow it," Baiken growled as she pushed her husband aside to deal with this insipid Joe. "Our wedding is already done and we're already married."
Joe and Anji stare at her for a long moment, realized she was right, nodded, then grinned.
"Then, I will not let you ruin my wedding night reception!"
"And I don't care about weddings and wedding receptions! All I care about is revenge! Besides," Joe added, "You never invited me!"
"You're not Japanese." Baiken then thought it over, and then added: "At least, you're not Japanese enough by our measures."
"And now I and my darling wife will kick your ass!" Anji agreed.
Joe laughed recklessly. "I didn't come without allies!" And out of nowhere came Goenitz (KOF), Jinn (Marvel VS Capcom) and Haomahru (Last Blade 2). The bunch of them got into silly fighting poses and yelled:
"TEAM CYCLONE! Blast off at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"I cannot believe I agreed to this," unhappily muttered Yuuki. "I am so going to kill Nintendo…"
Anji took the lead in attacking Team Cyclone. But Joe knew this would happen. "Now!" he yelled, as Team Cyclone's members –all of whom used tornado attacks– all launched their projectile moves one after the other.
Joe's tornado hit first, sending Anji into the air. As Anji recovered in mid-air and began to fall down, Goenitz hit next, blasting Anji up into the air again. Then Hamomahru's attack hit, then Jinn's 'Jinn Tornado', and then all the others connected in rapid continuous succession. Anji was continually being hit by a stream of never-ending projectiles.
"Ouch, ouch, ow, ow, ouch, ow…" he went as he bounced up and down, up and down, unable to even Psych Burst Counter.
A side-effect of this devastating strategy was that the attacks were blowing up the skirts of all the girls present, earning what fan boys call 'panty-flash action'. The victims included Baiken–
"Damn it! Mind your own damn business, pervert!"
"Argh! That –ow!– is reserved –ouchers!– for me and my Baiken's –augh!– wedding night! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"
–Millia–
THWACK!
"I… wasn't… saying anything…"
"Yeah, Johnny, but you were thinking it."
"So you're psychic; so what?"
"And we are now ripping off Starcraft."
–Jam–
"Like, we didn't need to use the tornado on her; all we had to do was let her try kick us!"
"Perverts! Where is Mister Ky when I need him? Oh, he's married already. WAAH!"
–and Hibiki–
"Waah! Lone Wolf-san, not even you?"
"H-Hibiki! Gomen!"
–while all the while Taka Ichiko was watching, absorbed by the fun spectacle–
"He he. Better than my kicking the ass of that half-Brit…"
"As you can see," Sir G was saying in his sleep, "This story is full of unholy hentai scenes, all the creation of the author who claims he is in a coma. And he still leaves it at PG. Flame him. In fact, I'll flame him when I get the chance to do so."
…Back to the uneven battle. Sho Tsuzuku laughed. "Our plan is working!"
"You mean yours." Yuuki was glum. "What a crazy idea. I thought this chapter would be using 19 pages again, but now it looks like we'll only take a short while …"
But then the violent winds being kicked up by Team Cyclone's attacks had reached the stack of wedding gifts. One gift was a very large box whose wrappers were loose and so blew off, revealing–
"What the?"
–a large 27 inch television set that, despite not being plugged into an outlet or anything, was turned on and running–
"That aura!"
–and had a very familiar evil aura.
Sho Tsuzuku's eyes narrowed. "So… you've come back…"
Beside him, That Girl sighed and tipped her glasses, actions natural to her.
From the TV set were two evil eyes glared at the people it so hated; two eyes that glared with a familiar glare.
"This time, Sho Tsuzuku," the TV swore, "I and my girls will PWN your ass! I am what had once been the Box of Doom Mk III! I am now the Boob Tube of Doom Mk I!"
Sho did not seem very impressed. "And just what can you do that the old Box couldn't do?"
"I can talk!"
"And?"
"This!" So saying, the BT of Doom's screen began playing a movie. It happened to be a hentai movie, however; a very hot and racy hentai movie. To make it worse, it was ADV hentai movie, complete with tentacle monster!
Yuuki flinched at the horrid scenes and wished she had a remote control unit; in spite of her many dissimilarities with her creator, she did share Sheo Darren's revulsion for hentai notwithstanding what Sir G may say. Then she noticed that Sho Tsuzuku and Taka Ichiko weren't moving. The two insert characters' eyes were glued to the TV screen, their minds hypnotized by the lurid sequences.
"Men." That Girl shook her head in disappointment. "They may be powerful, but they're still men."
Thus immobilized, her allies didn't move to help her as the EFZ girls closed in on Yuuki.
"Perfect. Just perfect…"
As the winds of fortune were turned against Anji in a literal way, two figures arrived. "It seems your teammates have their hand on things," the old man commented.
"It would appear so," the young girl agreed. "Perhaps we can lend a hand?"
"We're villains, remember. Leastways, I am."
"Then we reinvent our villainy. We become villains to our fellow villains."
"Isn't that just restating being a hero?"
"How about I agree to you forming that group of yours in exchange for you agreeing to help out here?"
"Deal, little girl."
"I am not a little girl. You know the reasons why."
"True."
Busy with blasting Anji and blowing up skirts, Joe Higashi was surprised when a voice called to him. "Hey, Broomhead!"
"Eh? Huh!"
Geese Howard smirked. "Double Reppuken."
The Fatal Fury boss' chi projectile blasted Joe off their feet and down to the ground. Before his teammates could react, Geese's adopted daughter Misaki then entered the fray, delivering a close-range Reppuken that blew Jinn and Haomahru away. Then she made way for her 'father', who grabbed Goenitz, said "This is for the SVC Chaos story mode that I should have won if it weren't for you!" and did his "Predictable" throw and followed up with a torrent of Reppukens.
With Team Cyclone still battered from the sudden attack, Geese gestured to Misaki. "Now!" Father and adopted daughter simultaneously executed their Exceed Overdrive: "Raging Force!"
Their combined attacks blasted Team Cyclone into the air, who uttered the infamous lines "It looks like Team Cyclone is blasting off again!" before the WWI Fokker 'Red Baron' triplane from earlier chapters came in out of nowhere and shot at them.
Geese and Misaki watched them go. "Useless," the older Howard said.
"You know," the younger adopted one said, "Sho Tsuzuku sort of looks like you."
"He should be thankful. That was fun," he added.
"Hai."
"Not as fun as you'd think," a menacing voice said from behind.
Baiken was burning with rage and totally murderous. So were Millia and Jam and even Hibiki. They were all in just underwear since the Howard father-daughter tandem's combined Raging Force had been so powerful, it had blown off their dresses. Aside, Anji was out cold from all the attacks and seeing the girls in their undies. So were Lee, Johnny and Lone Wolf SIX, the last murmuring in his unconsciousness: "But it isn't our wedding night yet, Hibiki-chan…"
"Uh, oh."
Yuuki had seen the defeat of Team Cyclone, but she had her own worries: Mai Amasagawa, the EFZ fighter girl who was the local Johnny/Hibiki clone, was closing in.
"Prepare to lose, Yuuki!"I will avenge myself and my master for having lost to Sheo Darren and to Sho Tsuzuku!
That Girl smiled thinly. "I don't think so." Then an intense aura began radiating from her. "You will learn the wrath of That Girl– but the knowledge will not avail you salvation."
"If you are going to use the power of That Girl, it would be suicidal of me to just attack you! I will use my power to release my full strength." Mai charged up her own power and, to test her strength, slashed at a nearby rock into bits. "There, that should do it."
Yuuki slowly took off her glasses and folded them neatly, holding them before her in a loose manner… as if to throw it as a missile, just like K's 'Chain Drive'!
Recognizing the pose, Mai came to a halt. "She will use her most powerful move at once? If I get hit by that strike, she will then be able to hit me with the rest of the attack and I will lose. The key, therefore, must be to dodge that first strike!"
She got into her battoujitsu pose and then charged. "Here I come! Hiyargh!"
Not even batting an eyebrow, Yuuki calmly threw her spectacles at her.
Timing her move to the second, Mai waited until the right moment. Then she ducked down and under the projectile –just barely. The glasses whirled over her hair but missed.
"Yes! I dodged it! Now, I–"
Before she could react, Yuuki was in front of her. "Gotcha," That Girl murmured as she executed her version of the Heat Drive.
Mai was sent flying all across the screen and crumpled to the ground. The swordie girl was in pained disbelief. "Y-You let me dodge the first attack in order to set-up the true attack that nails the target when I least expected it–during my successful dodge…"
"Ripping off Rurouni Kenshin is pretty useful." As Yuuki picked up and put her glasses back on, she saw Taka Ichiko break into chuckles while he watched the hentai film. That burst of laughter got Sho Tsuzuku out of his hypnosis, who then tapped Taka Ichiko out of the trance.
"Ah. It was a clever trick, Box," admitted Sho Tsuzuku, "But not clever enough." So saying, he and Taka Ichiko attached a PS2 to the BT of Doom Mk 1 and began playing the old Atari Pong game. The BT of Doom was unable to do anything as its powers were neutralized and it was subjected to psychological torture of the worst kind: Mindless gaming concept.
"We've won." Yuuki allowed herself a sigh of contentment. "I guess this is the end…"
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
To the surprise of opponents and teammates alike, Mai was somehow on her feet and stumbling towards That Girl. "No! I won't let our group lose again! I will protect our master whatever the cost!"
Shaking her head in exasperation, Yuuki took off her glasses again.
But Mai had come to a halt, settling into a very familiar pose with sword sheathed, the right side of her body tilted forward and right foot before her left. Her eyes were burning with determination as she somehow found in herself the strength to launch that most ultimate attack of the ultimate sword technique!
Yuuki only had enough time to murmur, "That is–" before Mai unleashed her desperate strike:
"AMAKAKE RYU NO HIREMEKI!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yamete!"
Chloe was holding her head and cringing, even as paper rained all around her. "I won't let you! I won't let you!"
The P4's printer was churning out a deluge of documents: Copies of the script. All the while Chloe seemed to be fighting some unnatural battle raging within her.
"Yamete! Kirika! Onegai! Help me, Noir! I can't hold out much longer… but I can't let it win! I mustn't… read… the OMAKE section… shigau!"
It was a losing battle. Beaten, the assassin girl was forced by an unseen power to pick up the scattered sheets of paper and –hands and voice trembling in a last-ditch effort of resistance– began reading the script.
In Athena's Own Heaven…
Sol Badguy grumped.
Beside him, Iori commented on the obvious: "You don't seem happy."
"Who'd be given my position?"
"Your position in enviable, actually. You're immortal, powerful, are popular in a twisted sort of way, Queen's biggest fan, Daisuke Ishiwatari personified, and you have two girl admirers who are totally crazy over you."
"You got the crazy part all right, Yagami." Sol gestured with the half-consumed Marlboro in his mouth towards his objects of polite detestations.
After defeating the clone Kyo Kusanagi army sent by N.E.S.T.S., Justine and Athena had dropped their temporary alliance and resumed their rivalry for the affection of the Guilty Gear. They'd even gone so far as to hold a contest with Iori as judge.
"Why is it I feel like I'm opening a whole can of worms by agreeing to judge?"
"It's Paris and the Golden Apple, you dumb-ass. The bastard's decision led to the Trojan War. Didn't you study your Greek mythology?"
"I did. But I got kicked out of school when I went Orochi on the History teacher and mangled Mr. Garrison."
"Kids today..."
The first round was the evening gown competition, and that was when things started being awry.
"Hah!" Justine made fun of Athena's gown, which looked rather silly per SNK/KOF policy until SVC Chaos. "Unlike you, I have good taste in clothing!"
"Why you!" The Psycho Soldier made a grab for her rival but instead ripped off the Gear girl's gown instead.
"Hey! That was a perfectly good gown!"
"Just like those strip matches on WWE," Sol grumbled while Iori got a good eyeful of Justine's slim figure, or at least until Sol bonked him.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"I'm getting old and protective of kids. Fear me."
"Hah!" It was Athena's turn to smirk as she revealed her two-piece bathing suit. "My swimsuit is better than yours!"
Having only modest one-piece swimsuits per some unknown policy of Sheo Darren, Justine shook a fist at her. "At least I won the evening gown competition!"
And there was the talent segment, where Athena sung whatever songs by Queen she could think of –alas, she only knew the refrains– while Justine presented her awesome hobby as Justice: Sleeping.
Iori said: "The Grass-Growing Competition I went to in Iowa is far more exciting."
Chipp said: "Grass? Oh, yeah, more drugs– err, I mean, I'm clean! Honest!"
Sol said: "Bandit Revolver."
Chii said: "Chii! Chii will protect Chipp!"
Black Chii said: "Chii! Black Chii will destroy Chipp!"
Chii said: "Chii! No! Chii will not let you hurt Chipp!"
Sol said: "Chii– aw, screw it; I meant: What a stupid story…"
Then the tie-breaker part: The fight sequence! Athena and Justine faced off in the wrestling ring that had appeared out of nowhere and got into their fighting poses and mouthed off their entrance quotes:
"Athena, ikimasu!"
"What is this–this mysterious feeling?"
All the angels in Athena's Own Heaven began cheering for Athena. An army of Gears appeared and began cheering for Justine. Iori offered Sol some popcorn. Sol told Iori a bad word. Iori miffed and just ate his popcorn. Pretty civilized so far, isn't it?
"That's when I start looking for the falling meteor to hit me," Sol grumbled.
Suddenly, a meteor appeared in the sky, falling down from heaven–
"Shit."
–and it hit Sol.
When the explosion ended and the dust cleared away, as the worried Justine and Athena raced to his side, as angels and Gears gasped, as Iori dropped his popcorn in shock and dawning horror, Sol heard a voice and saw a sight that made him go cold.
The small form crumpled on the ground before him staggered to her feet and lifted her cute face up to Sol's own, her hyperactive smile chilling him, the voice she used to bug her crush scaring the Guilty Gear in a way he didn't think possible.
Fruit's Basket's Kagura whispered:
"SOL-KUN…"
The battle between the Box of Doom –correction, the Boob Tube of Doom Mk I– and Yuuki's group had been aborted by way of a stunning development. Mai Amasagawa had managed to defeat Yuuki using Amakake Ryu No Hiremeki before fainting from exhaustion and battle injury. No intention to lose for their part, Sho Tsuzuku and Taka Ichiko summoned the Purple Dinosaur and sent it to wreak doom and horror upon the guests. It was, after all, a Barney clone, only worse.
That is, until Earl Osborne arrived.
This story will not go into detail about how Earl massacred the Purple Dinosaur. Suffice it to say that the Permanent God Mode soldier-of-insanity hated Barney and Teletubbies and could actually transform into a paladin warrior of light and call down a rain of Particle Cannon fire from C&C General: Zero Hour's US Superpower General. That was when Sho and Taka decided to make a 'tactical maneuver' –in essence a retreat– and, toting Yuuki along, escaped aboard the flying rubber ducky. The ruby ducky's silly appearance distracted everyone enough to also allow the EFZ girls to grab the Boob Tube of Doom Mk I and Mai.
As for the Purple Dinosaur?
Earl Osborne killed Purple Dinosaur with AK-74S high explosive armor piercing radar guided homing laser ammunition.
"I'll get you, Sho! I'll get you if it's the last thing I do!"
Inside the rubber ducky, Sho Tsuzuku and Taka Ichiko observed the insensible Yuuki as she lay unconscious upon her bed. "Well," the former began, "That was one effort that went to waste."
"I thought the P4 was going to have Baiken do the Hiremeki?"
"Nah. Sheo probably decided to make it dramatic."
"Sheo?"
"Yes. I believe he still influences this story. If this was my story, I'd mess with Yuuki in order to get some kicks out of life."
"Well, at least Arvi isn't here to take advantage of her helplessness."
"Did someone call me?" Arvi asked. Then he saw the cute Yuuki lying unconscious on the bed and added: "Ooh, a cute little girl who can't defend herself. I like cute little girls…"
Sho and Taka exchanged looks. "Lolita Syndrome," the latter offered.
"Ah, yes. Shame that our ally is about to learn what turned Noir's Altena into the sicko we all know and love to hate."
SMASH!
A giant anvil had flattened Arvi before he could take a step towards Yuuki.
"Ow. Darn convenient plot device…"
"I didn't know Yuuki could do that," a puzzled Taka said as he scratched his head.
"She can't," Sho answered with interest. "It appears a different power is taking interest in her well-being…"
"Still static?"
The EFZ girls, minus Mai who was unconscious and Nayuki who was asleep, worried over the Boob Tube of Doom. The TV's screen was full of static/electronic snow/bad reception messages.
The next day, after the wedding reception had ended…
When Anji and Baiken went out of their room for breakfast, it was already late in the morning. They found a rather worried Bridget who seemed to be looking for someone.
"Ohayou, Bridget-chan," Anji greeted. "Any problem?"
"If I did tell you what it was, you'd think I'm silly and irresponsible."
"So what is it?" Baiken pressed.
Bridget grimaced. "I can't find my wife."
The newly-married couple stared at the blushing blonde Brit boy.
"You're right," Anji agreed. "You are silly and irresponsible."
"Bloody alliteration," Baiken grumbled.
"By the way," and here Bridget adopted a guarded response: "How was your wedding night?"
The two Japanese smiled. "Fine. Just fine. We had the first of many hopefully great nights together."
"No one attacked you?"
"No."
"No one intruded into your room to make a video?"
"No."
"You didn't find someone who looked like your partner in the bed with you?"
"No."
A big drop of sweat formed on Bridget's forehead. "That's weird."
It was Sammy who found the unconscious Chloe sprawled on the floor. At first the kitten that was no kitten did not pay her any attention. Then it decided to try score a few points of trust with the girls –the better to backstab them later– by running off to fetch help. Kirika had come running at once, and with Rei's help she had gotten Chloe to the medical center.
All the girls wondered what had happened to Chloe. A clue was the scattered sheets of paper found beside her. Curious, Tessa decided to read the contents out aloud.
THIS CHAPTER, EVIL RISES. DARKNESS FALLS.
THIS IS NOT A PUN.
Upon a tall mountain top, a girl watches over the world she will destroy. Her long brown hair flies wild in the air, unrestrained by the silly hat that had for years held it back. Her eyes are no longer brown; they are crimson and full of evil, and so is her smile.
"You promised… you promised me… we will see… if you keep your promise… your promise to me…"
FOR IT IS ONLY IN THESE TIMES OF DARKNESS…
To quote Kenshin: "Oro?"
To quote Baiken who happened to notice Kenshin: "You imitator! Die Hard: Arcade Version!"
To quote Saitou: "I'm bored. Soba, anyone?"
To quote Kula: "Can I have a candy, please?"
To quote Enishi: "This is for Tomoe-oneesan! Battousai, prepare for your Jinchu!"
To quote Talim: "Saan ang kuya Sheo ko?"
To quote a Budweiser commercial: "WAZZUPP!!"
To quote Blackheart: "Nevermore!"
To quote Lone Wolf SIX: "Aside from italicizing some of Saitou and Enishi's words and translating Talim's part into Tagalog, this was bodily quoted from my fan fiction."
…THAT A HERO ARISES TO COMBAT IT AND SAVE THE WORLD.
Heero Yuy gave the camera his patented death glare before shooting it. "Omae wo korosu."
Aside, the Jin Zapper was holding up a placard saying, "Sheo, ituloy mo na yung Reminiscent Memories na fan fiction mo! You promised!"
Also aside, The Greatest Fan Of Duo Maxwell was holding up a placard saying, "Sheo, ang manyak mo talaga! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
Again also aside, Ookami No Mibu was holding up a placard saying, "Ilagay mo ako sa hentai fan fic na kasama si Chigusa, Quon atsaka Chii, ah?"
THIS WORLD NEEDS A HERO.
A fateful wind blows around the nun in blue hood and habit, taking away the sheet of paper she had been browsing.
"Just seventeen pages for this chapter huh? Wish Chrno could see me now."
So saying, Sister Rosette walked into the sunset, not knowing what role she would play in the future chapters…
MORE IMPORTANTLY–
Inside a certain bedroom, the bed is noticeably empty, even of the plushie toys that surrounded the one who had until recently slept here.
–THIS HERO NEEDS A WORLD TO SAVE.
"Watashi wa Swordsman. Defend the right…"