GUILTY GEAR
The Wedding Night
The Series
Conceived By: The P4 Computer
Written By: The P4 computer
Sheo Darren is currently –well, if you immediately know what happened to him, the story will be spoiled. Suffice it to say that you will be surprised –or not, depending on how good are you at predicting plot outcomes, especially the cliched ones. And now the self-deprecating –actually, just 'deprecating', since Sheo is not writing this about himself… or however which way you'd want to view this entire idea of third-person-view/God View.
And yes, Sol, the P4 knows: You don't want to have anything to do with God.
Rated PG 13 for some violence, inanity, confusion, multiple anime crossovers, commentary, author's self-inserts, dragging the good names and stories of other unsuspecting writers into the mess, advertisement of author's other stories, etc, etc.
Coupling: Sol Badguy and Kagura/Justine Harrier/Athena Asamiya.
Sheo Darren and the P4 does not own Guilty Gear and all the stuff he's ripping off. As you may have noted, this story takes the word 'cross-over' and –in typical Japanese over-exaggeration though the author and his computer are Filipino– goes over the edge. So far, it's featured Guilty Gear, a ton of SNK and Street Fighter, Hellsing, Chobits, Fruit's Basket, Gundam Wing and Chrno Crusade among other things, and there's bound to be more insanity in the works. Also, the disclaimers have been improving in quality. Now, on to the story…
The Wedding Night Series
Arc Two
Two Gears, A Goddess And A Little Piggy Who Went 'Kyoh-kun'…
Episode 1: O, Ayan: PG-13 Na Yung Rating…
(Translation: There; The Rating Is Now PG-13)
Blackheart ZERO, Kaiser Ryouga II, TRUE Unknown and his 'Organization Of Fans Who Want To See Bridget And Dizzy Go At It Like Rabbits', Person With Many Aliases and Sir G found themselves inside a comfy bedroom that could not mask the sound of machinery and not totally disguise the rolling motion that was of the Ultrasaurus they were riding in. All being Guilty Gear writers who had at one point or another written an absolutely crazy fan fiction story where the plot shifts like mad and fellow authors are teleported into the story and turned into unwitting victims, they weren't surprised.
"Hey, what the hell are we doing here?" TRUE Unknown, a torch in hand and the official GG art book in the other, looked vastly annoyed. "We were supposed to start burning those Bridget/May fans at the stake already…"
(In a far away place, tied up to a stake with wood piled up at their feet and oiled soaking their clothes, Too lazy to log in and i, both anonymous reviewers of The Wedding Night, sigh in relief. They thought they were about to get cooked.)
Kaiser Ryouga II was unconcernedly reading a book. "Hopefully Sheo or any rabid fan of May in the vicinity will no longer harp about that story I made about I-Nou and May, seeing that I've discontinued it… for a while…"
"I haven't sent my flame yet," Sir G was complaining, "And I'm getting a new cameo role all at once? Oh, well–"
Person WMA yelled: "Where's Mina-chan? Give me my Mina-chan!"
Before the assorted authors and fans was the source of recent headaches and review flames in the Guilty Gear section of fanfiction.net –at least, the supposed true source of those headaches: The P4 computer of Sheo Darren, its aura perfectly neutral.
"I'd suppose you've brought us here to explain why your story became so serious all of a sudden?" Blackheart presumed, taking the role of spokesman for his groupies.
The P4's HP printer rapidly printed out its answer: AMONG OTHER THINGS, YES.
"Don't you find it inconvenient to waste so much time, paper and ink to answer?" Person WMA jokingly asked. "Greenpeace must hate you."
True on both counts, the P4 answered in an unaccented and definitely female voice. But the P4 does have unlimited resources at its disposal and does not fear some old nature-loving Captain Planet of a Jesuit curmudgeon. If Father Macayan ever saw the Read Or Die TV series, he would go berserk like Sheo does whenever one slanders Tomoyo Daidouji, like Taka Ichiko does.
There was a long moment of silence as everyone stared at the computer in shock.
The P4 supposes you did not understand its references to figures that only it, Sheo and a select few would understand as a private in-joke? Also, that you did not expect it to reply in a manner such as this? Especially the female voice?
"A little of each," the skeptical Blackheart admitted, "Plus the fact that this entire idea is, to quote Chisaii404, 'Very silly'."
"It's Sheo's computer all right," Person WMA noted; "It refers to itself in the third person. It's also just as crazy."
"It even uses the same bold text," Kaiser Ryouga pointed out.
A matter of convenience.
"Are you really Sheo Darren?" Sir G thought to ask. "This just has to be some kind of crazy pretend show, right?"
No, the P4 is not Sheo. They are two entirely different and separate identities. Of course, it depends on how you see things. Have you ever had a dream that was so real, you could not distinguish the dream world from the real world?
"Maytrix–err, Matrix rip-off," Blackheart said with a grin "That was my copyright."
"Then what did you bring us all here for?" TRUE Unknown snapped. "And hurry up with it; me and company are supposed to burn Bridget/May fans today."
(Already, Too lazy to log in and I were free of their ropes and running away very quickly.)
Very well. The P4 has messages it wishes to convey to all of you.
In the background, the GG theme Still in the Dark begins to play. All the authors become uneasy.
First off, for TRUE Unknown. The P4 pauses dramatically. Don't burn Bridget/May fans on the stake. And don't even think to hack into the server and delete The Wedding Night.
"What do you mean, we can't?" TRUE Unknown brandished his torch at the P4. "You're making us do it, you stupid machine! It's your story!"
The P4 does not need to explain; it only needs to state the obvious.
TRUE Unknown made some grisly threats that involved his turning into a T-Rex as he warned in his review of The Wedding Night 2 Prologue.
A pity Sho Tsuzuku is not here to help the P4 explain why you cannot do so in sadistically silly yet logically supportable terms. For Kaiser Ryouga II: Sheo sends his thanks for sparing May. Sheo also asks what kind of temple you'd like in order to be persuaded to put the story on hold indefinitely.
"A temple would be nice," the Kaiser said as he considered his options. "I'll think about it…"
Third: Blackheart ZERO. In your review of Chapter 16: Author Wars II, you stated that you were expecting a more visible and plot-critical role you wanted. All right; the P4 will give you such a role in the coming episodes. Satisfied?
"Okay." Blackheart then added, "I seem to remember fanfiction.net had a rule saying that these kinds of intros were illegal."
There is always a loophole. Finally, for Person WMA…
The aforementioned GG writer looked up in expectation. "Mina-chan?"
…Sheo sends this message. Quote: 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU HIT MAY WITH A STAFF IN KEEPER OF THE SYSTEM? AND YOU EGGED LONE WOLF SIX INTO MAKING A BRIDGET/DIZZY PAIRING IN THE GG FANTASY ADVENTURE? NOBODY MESSES WITH MAY. YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I COME BACK.' End Quote.
"…Right…"
Finally, this message is for Lone Wolf SIX.
"Lone Wolf isn't here," Blackheart was saying.
He is now...
Speaking of the GG author, who else came in but Lone Wolf SIX? "I could forgive you for hacking into my story, but messing with Hibiki is a no-no. I will show you the horror that Team Cyclone suffers in my Abyss!"
The scene cuts to show the following: Joe Higashi being chased by Jason from the Halloween movies, the latter brandishing a big lawn scissors and planning to give the kick boxer a really bad hair cut–
"Aaaaaaaaaah! Bogeyman! Mommy! I promise I'll be good!"
–Goenitz on a horse and armored like a knight, fighting windmills that he thought were giants–
"Very Don Quixote-like– OW! Stupid windmill! I'll– OW! OUCH!"
"What were you saying?" the windmill-like Gundam Nether asked as it blasted Goenitz with its beam cannons.
–Jin in his Blodia being mobbed by a never-ending swarm of Squatter Mech (a.k.a 0079 Gundam's Zaku), Kupal Mech (Gundam Wing's Leo) and Jologs Mech (Gundam SEED's GINN)–
"I had it better off," Person WMA commented wryly, remembering his own time spent in the Abyss as he watched the Blodia swamped a la Zergling rush. "At least I had a machine gun to even the score."
–Haohmahru being readied to be cooked on a spit by TRUE Unknown and the OOFWWTSBADGATLR, the last having discovered the Last Blade 2 fighter was an anti-Bridget/Dizzy-pairing fan–
"But I'm telling you! Dizzy-Zappa may be weird, but it's cool!"
"Enough talk! DIE!"
–and, last but not the least, Geese Howard and his adopted daughter Misaki, who were –as punishment for stripping Hibiki and company of their kimonos last chapters– forced to fight a Terry Bogard who had just lost both of his girlfriends and was fully into the 'Curse of the Lone Wolf' thing–
"Are you okay? BUSTER WOLF!"
"A waste of four pages and good bandwidth, Terry…"
"Dad, can we forget smart-ass comments and just beat this guy?"
"You are correct. Now: Double Reppuken!"
"Get out of here!"
Now, back to the P4-Lone Wolf SIX face-off…
"You had the gall to invade my domain! Without my permission! And you dare to mess with my relationship with Hibiki, eh?" The fury of Lone Wolf SIX could not be slaked, as a rope fell from the sky next to him. "Prepare to meet your maker!"
Before you send the P4 off to the Abyss, it would like to note that Lone Wolf SIX's Guilty Gear versus SNK story and Sheo Darren's The Wedding Night 2 story are actually intertwined closely. That is, they both stem from the same general dimension since both authors extensively borrowed and quoted from each other, though each possesses distinct and unique elements to them. Sheo would like to keep the correspondence.
"Oh. Okay." Then Lone Wolf SIX pulled the rope, and the P4 plunged into the nether darkness of the Abyss…
And now, on to the real story proper.
In Athena's Own Heaven…
It was all Sol could do not to reel back in terror as right before him unfolded the horror of a thousand worlds, the horror that could never be matched by his worst nightmares as Frederick Mercury and as the Guilty Gear. Even as powerful as he was, even though he'd stared death in the eye a hundred times and never flinched, this time, Sol knew dread.
"Sol-chan!"
Justine Harrier and Athena Asamiya were running towards him. Forgotten was their rivalry for the Guilty Gear's affection; their Sol-chan was in trouble! Already Justine was activating her command Gear mode while Athena's sword and shield materialized out of nowhere. But they were too far.
Iori Yagami was not much help, either, paralyzed as he was not because of horror or disgust, but because of sheer disbelief that such a ridiculous outcome could happen. So much for the vaunted Orochi fighter…
Before him, the object of his dread, managed to stand up more or less properly, slightly hunched as she was. In a sibilant tone that was a mix between Gollum's rasp and cute anime seiyuu, the girl who was Kagura whimpered:
"Sol-kun…"
"Oh, my God," Iori mumbled. He had a penchant for mumbling.
Forgetting Kagura for a moment, Sol turned and snarled: "God? I don't want to have anything to do with Him! Much less, why would He have to do anything with you?"
"Just because I am nice and normal for a while, you guys pick on me already?"
"Shut up, smart ass. And why are you so out of character?"
"Well," Iori began calmly, "If you really want to know, the Orochi power had been taken from me. Therefore, I no longer have Orochi powers and am no longer as evil as before. Plus, I'm really not some berserker guy; fans just keep on making me as that."
"The censored you are."
"Plot development, Sol. Three guesses who did this to me?"
Watching them above a tall building conveniently located near the group, Sho Tsuzuku is framed dramatically against the horizon, chuckling evilly as he watches the silly spectacle of Sol, Iori, Athena, Justine and Kagura. "Ah, this is more like it. I am truly in my element now: The element of sadistic evil!"
Beside him was a girl, his silent companion and minion. Among other things, she was dressed in a tight black leotard, had brown hair tied up in a ponytail and was radiating the power of the Orochi. She was also not Yuuki.
"Uh, the P4? Sheo? Yuuki?"
"Wrong. All wrong. You don't win a lifetime supply of cherry pop soda tart."
"The hell I don't. Now: Why the hell did you mumble, 'Oh, my God'?"
"Why the hell do you think people mumble 'Oh, my God'?"
Sol shoved the flaming Fuenken nearly into Iori's face.
"Just when I decide to make jokes, you guys pick on me."
"Just give me the censored answer!"
Athena stopped for a moment, waggled a finger at Sol, and scolded: "Bad word!"
Sol wanted to yell something offensive at the stupid ditz, but then he saw shock reach her eyes and Justine's. Beside him, Iori raised an eyebrow in surprise.
Her arms slipping around Sol's neck as she draped himself on his muscular frame Kagura sweetly warbled into his ear: "Sol-kun…"
She had not said 'Kyoh-kun', as she was wont to do.
Kagura had said, Sol-kun.
"Oh, shit…"
"Huh? A hot spring resort?"
April and Jack hadn't expected to stumble upon this piece of good luck. Good luck for them had been as scarce as an honest politician in the Philippines; in the same way, bad luck had certainly had its run with them.
For those who have forgotten or are too lazy to refer back to Chapter 6, April and Jack had gotten into a very nasty fight. The former blamed the latter for getting dragged into a mud wrestling match; the latter thought the former was ungrateful as hell and a real bitch. Their fight drew much attention from the crowds and got everyone betting on who'd win, with a shady-looking Filipino managing the entire thing.
The battle was exciting as it degenerated into strip contest. April had no problem shredding off Jack's clothes, at least until he was reduced to just boxer shorts; a decent girl despite her intense and as-yet unexplained hatred for Bridget's twin, April had at that moment decided to hell with stripping and just pummel Jack. On the odd side, Jack simply could not tear even a small piece off his opponent's costume. April, however, was already dressed up in a skimpy formfitting outfit, so there really was no need to reduce her to a half-naked state as she already was half-naked.
Thus, in the heat of their combat, the two fighters simultaneously attacked each other with double clotheslines and were double-KO'd, much to the delight of the excited audience –until they realized that none of them won their bet. The only winner of the contest was the shady Filipino manager, who had run off with all the gambling bets when everyone was not looking. You could never really trust those guys, especially the ones from Virra Mall.
To top a really stressful day off, Jack had lost his shotgun and April lost her remaining clothes. So, they were forced to trek all across the rough and windy terrain in just boxers and domme gear, unarmed and looking totally ridiculous.
"I now know how cold Bridget's ass gets when the wind blows upwards."
"Will you quite complaining about your stupid ass?"
"Fine... Come to think of it: You've got a nice ass, April."
"Pervert. I don't know why Sheo Darren puts up with you."
"Like Ebs: Metal Freak and Akihiro Tanabe and Ookami no Mibu say: Sheo is a closet pervert, that's why."
"I'm going to tell him you said that when he comes back."
"If he comes back."
"Oh, he will. He will."
Then:
"Huh? A hot spring?"
It was indeed a hot spring resort, with pretty decent facilities for something found in a country renowned for embezzlement when it concerns commissions and funds. It was also a Japanese-style hot spring resort, which was the puzzling thing.
Jack: "What the hell is a hot spring resort doing here in the Philippines? Much more, a Japanese hot spring resort?"
April: "Plot device, moron."
There was a long spell of silence as the wind blew dramatically. Then, April and Jack gave each other pleased looks, simultaneously grinned and said: "Oh, yeah! We're on a roll!"
When they entered, they were surprised to see two familiar figures already there.
"April!"
"Jack?"
"Jack."
"Hikki."
"Wow, all our punctuations are unique…"
Hikki (Lone Wolf SIX's created character) and Jack (Blackheart ZERO's created character) exchanged high fives with April and Jack in greeting.
"Hey, how's it been, guys?" Jack looked exactly like Bridget except she was a real girl and had brown hair. "The last time we saw you was in Chapter 3. Where'd you go?"
Jack –that is, Sheo's created character who was Bridget's twin– was going to answer the question posed by Jack –this one being Blackheart's– but then realized that there was a slight bit of a problem: They were both named Jack, they were both connected to Bridget and sort of looked alike and that got everyone confused, especially the readers.
"Why did Sheo ever call me Jack?" Jack muttered.
"It's because he couldn't think of any other name that'd fit," offered the other Jack. "Be thankful he didn't go out with his original idea and make you a girl."
"What?"
"Originally, he conceived Bridget's twin as a girl. Neat, huh? His friend Akihiro Tanabe actually prefers to perceive your brother as a girl, while yet another friend of Sheo –a friend known by the silly name of Doctor Thrax– actually had a daydream about the two of them making out in a room full of rose petals."
"That isn't half bad…"
"The friend in question was a guy."
"Oh." Then both Jack characters and April added: "Yuck."
"I cross-dress as Jam but I am a boy!" Hikki declaimed proudly. "Beat that!"
"Lone Wolf will beat that when he gets his hands on you," one of the two Jack characters said. "In fact, he'll beat you."
"See Chapter 21 of GG versus SNK," April offered to the readers.
"Nobody messes with Hibiki," muttered Jack under his breath.
Hikki looked confused. "Which Jack said that? The guy or the girl?"
"Can we stop this senseless waste of bandwidth now?"
"No, we still have to resolve how we will distinguish one Jack from the other Jack."
"I hate these pointless side stories."
"We could just call you John," girl Jack said.
"Shut up, Jack," boy Jack said. He then added: "No one also call me Guy Jack; that's Tekken."
"Fine, fine: I will now on be called Jackie," Blackheart's Jack generously allowed. "Or at least in The Wedding Night 2 only and when I'm around you."
"So, what are we here for, anyway?"
"Didn't you know?" Hikki had a know-it-all expression on his face reminiscent of Bridget. The P4 is adding fan service to the next chapter, and we're tagged for it."
"Oh." Then both Jacks and April added, "Oh, crap."
Nazareth, TRUE Unknown's character in his new story, looked up to where he was seated with Axl Low. "Well, at least I didn't get dragged into that mess."
Axl groaned: "You just had to say that…"
A time slip opened up from under them. Nazareth fell into it.
It was a pleasant morning that was the calm before the storm.
After having that fight with Rock and Hotaru, Ky and Dizzy went off on their long-delayed honeymoon. They still haven't had sex with each other as they were still in trauma after the events in Chapters 3 and 4 of this fan fiction, but they were happy and contented.
This morning, Ky had just opened his morning paper to read the news. Dizzy was outside playing with the local wildlife. There was an army of cute critters surrounding the half-Gear girl: Birds, rabbits, deer, Porings, Poporings, Marings, one Angelring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them in the land of Mordor –but the story digresses–, every now or then a Smokie (at least, when it wasn't disguised itself as something else) a Plankton that looked very out of place, several Cobolds and a Wanderer. The last two groups of creatures would sometimes run off and attack passers-by for the prerequisite random battles in any RPG.
"I feel like I'm a million dollars," Dizzy quoted a certain fan art picture of hers. "I like animals."
But, who'd appear but Hotaru, herself surrounded by a lot of moths, the weird butterflies in Millia's stage, Chonchons, Steel Chonchons, Hunter Flies, Lord of the Flies (not the book; the monster), Creamies and Dustinesses.
The two girls stared at each other a bit menacingly but overall cute in effect. "What are you doing here?" they both demanded at the same time.
Back at the Kiske house, Ky was surprised when Rock Howard dropped by for a visit.
"You aren't going to trick me again with that," Geese's biological son warily said as he eyed the hand the French knight proffered to him.
"This isn't Lone Wolf SIX's fan fiction, dummy. Besides, we have a truce."
"Where's your wife?"
"Enjoying the scenery and playing with animals. Where's your wife?"
"Enjoying the scenery and–" Rock came to a bleak stop.
"Playing with the animals?" an equally dismal Ky asked.
"Yes."
They heard the explosions and the battle cries and saw the swarm of animals fleeing the forest and knew what was happening.
"I am so gonna kill that P4," Ky muttered as he and Rock ran for their wives.
"For once? I agree. Save some of it for me."
"Deal."
Baiken was roused from her sleep by the explosion. "Who the damn hell is creating that damn racket so damn early in the damn morning?"
"Next to Sol, you're the GG character who swears the most," Anji commented.
"Oh, shut up. Look outside and see who's mucking up the peace, will you?"
The Japanese politician and newly-wed looked outside the window for a while, then pulled down the blinds and plopped back on the bed. "Just those two kids who look alike, Dizzy and Hotaru, trying to kill each other. As usual…"
"The way those two are going," Baiken grumbled as more explosions resounded, "They'd be perfect for a yuri couple. Just like Sol and Ky."
Remembering all those insane Anji/Chipp fluff fics on the server, Anji shuddered and decided to forget about the entire yaoi/yuri thing. "So, what's for breakfast?"
"Haven't you forgotten, Anji-kun." Baiken smiled; something she did more frequently these past few days. "You're the one who's cooking."
"Yes, ma'am."
Back to Athena's Own Heaven…
It was all Sol could do not to freak out at Kagura's hug. The Guilty Gear was not exactly an affectionate person –and as Sol glares at the camera, the script amends itself:
Sol was not an affectionate person. He also wasn't the fan boy type who'd nosebleed into unconsciousness when a cute girl came into close and intimate and sexy contact. Sol also had put up with Justine for quite some time now, and had added Athena to the repertoire recently. What was a third girl to him?
Actually, it wasn't so bad to have Kagura snuggling up to him. She was so slim light that Sol almost didn't notice she was there, lying right on top of him; that was how she was so light in weight. And she had sweet-smelling breath and a nice voice and a really endearing way of hugging him. And the way she was pressed upon his back brought back Sol's memories of watching Chobits Episode 1 when he was still loser boy young Frederick Mercury with a libido. Kyoh never knew what he missed, the Guilty Gear decided.
Then he saw two girls doing the 'death glare' at him and Kagura. Sol knew his blissful moment was about to turn into hell.
"Damn."
Justine Harrier and Athena Asamiya weren't so much upset as they were aflame with jealousy and anger. Together, the Gear girl and Goddess girl's auras were rising to a level of power that Iori noticed: The auras reached out to where he was sitting and burned him.
"OW! That hurt! What did I ever do to you in this chapter to deserve this?"
"Collateral damage," Sol told him.
"You…" Justine and Athena were really pissed off. "You dare take our SOL-CHAN? You dare impose yourself on our SOL-CHAN?"
Behind Sol, Kagura slowly lifted her head to give her two rivals a chilling stare. "Sol-kun is Kagura-chan's. Sol-kun is not yours or anyone else's. Especially not Ky's."
Running as they were pell-mell towards their feuding wives, Rock was surprised to hear Ky suddenly sneeze very hard. "Bless you," he did say.
"Thank you. Who was thinking of me?"
"Maybe Sol?"
A horrified Ky stared at him.
"I was joking," Rock said. "Really. Can't you take a joke?"
"No way!" Justine shook her fist at Kagura. "You'd have to do it over our dead bodies!"
For once, Athena agreed with her erstwhile rival and temporary ally. "You'll have to fight us for him first!"
Kagura moved away from Sol and stalked towards her two opponents. "Kagura-chan will defeat Justine-chan and Athena-chan. Kagura-chan will have Sol-kun." She began radiating an impressive aura; after all, she was the second-generation Justice Mk II unit created by Yuuki, and despite having been beaten by Justine in Chapter 5 of The Wedding Night 2.
"Hey." Sol looked a bit annoyed as he raised his hand. "Don't I get a say in this?"
No one paid any attention to him.
"censored."
"On the count of three," Justine whispered to Athena as Kagura approached, "We'll hit her with our most powerful attacks and summon our Strikers."
"All at once?"
"This isn't Dragonball Z. We are not going to waste a dozen chapters on one five-minute scene."
"Okay."
Goddess and Gear got ready to execute their team-up move a la Marvel VS Capcom as Kagura shambled closer. "One!"
Iori was running for cover at the count of, "Two!" A wise decision –but a fruitless gesture…
Lighting up his last Marlboro, Sol growled under his breath as he activated Fortress Block/Faultless Defense on–
"Three!"
"ANGEL LASER! MODE ZERO!"
"Pegasus! Strike down from Heaven to my aid!"
The renamed and improved Gamma Ray struck first, a gigantic ray of charged particles that hit Kagura head on. At the same time, the winged horse Pegasus dropped down from Heaven and crashed upon Kagura. All the angels and Gears present were also firing off their own attacks, adding to the destruction.
"So much for the insurance," the old man who gamers think is God says as he watches the massive ball of flame that engulfed Kagura.
The resultant explosion sent Iori flying off into the horizon–
"I am not going to make a Team Rocket remark. Honest."
–And actually overcame Sol's Fortress Block–
"I wasn't careless or anything. Damn plot device."
–Knocking over the unprepared Guilty Gear and stunning him for a moment.
As the mushroom cloud of dust kicked up by the big blast of energy hovered over Athena's Own Heaven, Athena and Justine waited expectantly. "Nothing could survive that," confidently observed Justine.
From afar, Sho Tsuzuku smiled evilly. "We will see, little girls. We will see."
Beside him, his newest minion stays very silent.
Suddenly, the dust cloud was broken apart by rays of light shining through its murk. At the same time, a powerful aura could be felt from it: Kagura's aura!
"What?" Athena was in shock as she uttered the line all boss bad guys say when they discover the good guys are a lot tougher than they seem. "That's impossible!"
Kagura emerged from the dust cloud alive and unhurt. However, her clothes were not as resilient as their owner was and had disintegrated in that mammoth attack. Thus, Kagura was left in her birthday suit. However, there was bright light shining from her body, obscuring the sight of all those who looked at her and thus serving the same was as the conventional censor blot. This fan fiction, after all, is just PG-13, not R.
Again to Sho Tsuzuku, who laughs as he says: "AXN censoring: Fear the bright light, little boys."
"Justine-chan and Athena-chan force Kagura-chan to do this." Kagura unleashed a wave of force that pushed her opponents back. "Kagura-chan will show her power."
Then, of all things she could do, she began to cry.
"What is this about?" Justine began, but then she saw Athena recoil in horror. "Eh?"
"Oh, no! Not the Alien Nine attack!"
"The what?" Sol and Justine said in disbelief.
Adopting the tearful expression of Alien Nine's lead , Kagura began to repeatedly mumble, "Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan, Kumi-chan…"
The audience is quickly overwhelmed by idiocy that surpasses even Sailormoon's Tsukino Usagi. Unable to take the brainless and utterly pathetic waves of anime stupidity, Athena shrieks and fainted. Though of much sterner stuff than her ally/rival, Justine only managed to try reaching for Sol desperately with a free hand, murmuring, "Sol-chan…" before she finally succumbed at last into unconsciousness.
Inside the SDF-1, Ebs: Metal Freak, Mittens Hiwatari, Doctor Thrax, Leon Winchester, Arvi, De Balucard and Tanabe Akihiro all throw popcorn at the screen: "Sheo! P4! Or whoever is responsible for this idea! You are one sorry loser of a bastard! This idea is so STUPID!"
"Wow!" says the Purple Dinosaur, clapping his hands in delight. "What an awesome concept! Wait; why did I say that?"
"Shut up, Riel!" everyone yelled as they pulled out whatever weapons they had handy.
"No, I didn't meant it! The P4 is putting words into my mouth!"
They all PWNed the Purple Dinosaur. "DIE!"
"Argh! P4, I will not make libre to you anymore!"
Also aside, Taka Ichiko glares at the camera as he stalks his target. "Sheo, you can probably think of something better than this to defeat Justine and Athena. But," the sniper considers as he sights his target in his Mauser's sights, "The crazier… the better. So: Go, Sheo! Go, P4!"
Sol couldn't make himself move as he was paralyzed due to 'friendly fire' damage, the effect of the 'Kumi-chan' attack and plot convenience. But strangely, he wasn't afraid or anything as Kagura walked back towards him.
"Kagura-chan is sorry for hurting Justine-chan and Athena-chan." She looked like she meant it as she seemed a bit unhappy. She also now had some sort of cloak on her that appeared out of nowhere, simply because it was pointless and ecchi to let Kagura walk around naked. "But Kagura-chan is happy that she will finally be with Sol-kun."
So saying, she puts her arms lovingly around Sol and carries him away.
"Well," Sol reflected as Kagura brought him to wherever she wanted to bring him, "At least she doesn't bug me as badly as Justine and Athena. I might sort of enjoy this– wait the censored; am I really saying this censored? Damn out-of-character-loving P4, I'll get you and Sheo Darren for this… But she's got nice soft assets… he, he, he…"
Sho Tsuzuku smiled in pleasure. "Another one of my plots plays out fully." He gestures to his companion. "Come. Let us go and unleash your horror upon the world."
"Will he fulfill his promise?" It was the first time the girl spoke. "He promised me, you know."
"Oh, he will," Sho Tsuzuku chuckled evilly. "He will. It is fated. It's all in the script, after all."
The girl smiled faintly but cruelly. "Bridget…"
"Chloe?"
The girl who was Shin Noir broke off her trancelike reverie. "Hai, Kirika?"
"Daijoubu, Chloe?" Kirika looked worried for her fellow Tree. "What is wrong?"
"Nothing." But the look in her eyes told the lie quite clearly. She'd been stuck in that eeriestate quite a while already for some time.
"If you're going to live here," Tessa advised in a friendly manner, "You have to tell us your problem so we can help you."
"It's nothing." Then, eyes going wide, Chloe suddenly screamed: "Yamete! Onegai yamete!" She sagged against Kirika, who caught her as she fell. All the other girls were panicked by this sudden disaster.
"Oh, my God…"
"Is she having a heart attack?"
"No, more like a nightmare…"
"Chloe!" Kirika shook her childhood friend worriedly. "Please, Chloe! What's wrong? Tell me, Chloe!"
"P4… Lone Wolf SIX…. The Abyss… a Swordsman who defends the right…" The assassin girl was going into terminal shock as she clutched at her head and shivered. "Shigau! You can't! Please don't! Please don't give up on us!"
"What's happening? Tell us, Chloe!"
Then Rei was there and she slapped Chloe. Kirika pushed her away and hugged the panicking girl protectively. The other girls were holding Rei. But the slap did bring a semblance of self-control to the terrified Chloe.
"Chloe." The pale-haired Rei was quietly menacing as she finally spoke. "Tell us what it is. Tell us."
Suddenly going very cold in Kirika's arms, Chloe murmured in a chilling tone: "OMAKE."
When he came upon them, Justine and Athena were very quietly moping in the blasted clouds of Athena's Own Heaven. The two girls had recovered from their injuries, but the realization that they had lost to Kagura –and, even worse, had lost their Sol-chan– was lying upon them as a heavy pall of grey.
"Well, now," the man in black said as he came to a stop. "This does not seem to be the right atmosphere for two perky girls like you."
They ignored him.
"Losing isn't always a bad thing," the man in black continued. He held what appeared to be a pole sword in his hand while a katana was strapped to his belt. Spectacles black as the night were balanced upon his nose. He talked in a pleasant voice. "You learn from your losses and mistakes –and apply them in your future victories."
They still ignored him. Strangely enough, the music of Eye of the Tiger, the Rocky III theme song, was playing softly in the background.
"You want to get him back, but you don't have the power to do so." The man in black's shades gleamed. "Or do you? Do you?"
"What do you mean?" Justine asked in a sad voice. "It's over. We lost. We can't take Sol-chan back." Beside her, Athena was too sad to talk.
"Get up."
The voice of the man in black had a tone of command that neither girl could ignore or disobey. Justine and Athena looked at him in surprise.
"Get up from the floor and get back up on your feet. Come on," he added kindly, even as he extended his hands towards theirs. "I'll help you get up on your feet. But you must make the effort to begin your journey."
First Athena, then Justine, took his hands and were helped to their feet.
"There are many journeys that await all of us, but for you there is only one for now." The man in black smiled. "You cannot take back Sol, not yet; but perhaps you can save him and the girl led astray. Do you want to?"
They both nodded.
"Good. Now smile. This story is somber enough already thanks to the stupid P4 and Sho Tsuzuku."
She couldn't help it. Athena broke into a sheepish grin. "Stupid P4," she said.
Justine smiled at her new friend. "Stupid Sho Tsuzuku, all right…"
"That's very good." The man in black smiled as he tipped his glasses. "Now, let's begin your training. When this is over, you will be able to face the tiger in the eye –or, in your case, the girl who turns into a cute little piggy and went 'Whee, whee, whee, all the way home' in the eye."
"Who are you, mister?"
"Rurouni." His smile became more pronounced. "Watashi wa Wanderer. I am merely a swordsman who defends the right."
"Swordsman," they both murmured. "Wanderer…"
"Now, enough talk. Let's get you girls trained."
With that, Justine and Athena found themselves in tow to the mysterious man who called himself the Wanderer…
In the A Country, President Chipp Zanuff was peacefully going over the dossiers and reports on his desk like lightning, while Chii was bringing his tea (Japanese green tea, of course) when the windows of the office burst.
"Chii?"
"Bullshit!" Chipp had been scratched by a small shard of glass, and that single hit had drained him of all except 0.00000001% of his Life Bar. "Block damage?"
"You don't have a block, you idiot," the voice of the GG announcer echoes all across the room
In the shattered wall stood Black Chii, dressed up in –how the hell did she get one of those?– an evil black dominatrix outfit and holding a whip. "Black Chii has found Chipp at last. Black Chii will destroy Chipp."
"Great, just great." Surprisingly, Chipp didn't go through his 'bad Japanese accent' routine; maybe living with Chii fixes that kind of problem.
Chii stood between Chipp and Black Chii. "Chii will not let Black Chii hurt Chipp." Chii suddenly transformed into Amazing Nurse Nanako mode and began fighting her dark version.
"I must be back on drugs for this story to be this crazy," Chipp groaned.
Scene cuts to Faust, the personification of insanity: "WHATTA SAYKO!"
Scene cuts to Jam's restaurant, repaired and renovated, where the proprietor/owner/waitress is trying to get rid of the very drunk Testament. "We're closed. Go away."
Too drunk to move, Testament did do something that angered Jam.
"Sukebe! TEN! SHO! TEN! GA! RUI! GA! ROKU! SO!"
"DESTROYED!" said the GG announcer.
"I don't deserve this, but why does it happen?" Testament fainted.
Scene cuts to Necro, Zio, Undine, St. Tale and the Jellyfish girls all watching a soap opera while Johnny tries to hit on Millia.
"Oh, how sweet…" That was –surprise of all surprise– Necro sniffling and touched by the show.
Beside him, Zio patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. Undine rolled her eyes, but the other girls shushed her.
Lone Wolf SIX's voice echoes all across the Abyss.
"How dare you infect my computer with your neutral chaos? Now, let us see how you survive this!"
The P4 found itself in the siege of Minas Tirith in The Return Of The King. There was a sea of orcs in front of the fortress, Nazgul were winging their flights of death and despair above, the sky was pitch dark, local leader was insane and Rohan had not yet arrived.
Apparently, the P4 must defend this land. So be it.
With that, the P4 unleashed its power and transformed into a–
"That's a–" said all the orcs.
"That's a–" said Gandalf.
"That's a–" said Pippin.
"That's a–" said the soldiers of Gondor.
Faramir got up from where he was supposed to be dead and said, "That's a–" before lying down and pretending he was dead again.
"That's a–" said Denethor as he plunged down the highest point of Minas Tirith, aflame just like the Fantastic Four's Human Torch before he hit the ground and bounced. Hard. Very hard. "Ow."
"That's a–" Aragorn said, then realized he wasn't nowhere near Minas Tirith yet. "Err; take two, Pete?"
"That's a–" said the Oliphaunts, then they remembered they couldn't really talk, which was weird.
The Nazgul didn't say anything, since they could only shriek and scream like a bunch of sissies –which they did as they flew away in panic.
"Curse you, P4!" Lone Wolf SIX yelled, as the giant Plushie Hibiki that the P4 possessed stomped down from Minas Tirith to smash Sauron's army into bits and pieces. "No one desecrates the image of my Hibiki-chan and gets away!"
Make me.
"Oh, yeah? I declare war!"
"Mou! How on Earth do we install this?"
"That's the last time we're doing any of that self-help junk."
"Misaki, what do you think–"
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... sniffle, sniffle, jam…"
"Never mind…"
The EFZ girls were all dirty and tired from having to install the cable TV options and other repairs into the Boob Tube of Doom Mk I (actually, Mk II; it got an upgrade!) But they worked assiduously upon the still-static TV screen until–
"Well done, my girls." The evil glaring eyes were back.
"Yokatta!"
"All right!"
Aside, Mai Amasagawa was still unconscious. Her hand, though, was open as if grasping for someone else's palm, and a slight smile was on her face.
"You… you would? Arigatou…"
Asleep as she was so deeply, surrounded by dozens of anvils and land mines and Jupital Thunders craters that had repelled the pedophilic Arvi from even getting near her, Yuuki unconsciously stirred in her bed. "My Master… Sheo… we will meet again one day… soon…"
Searching for May, Bridget was walking in a random forest area when he saw a bunch of people nearby. "Uh, excuse me, but have you seen–"
Sister Rosette was sort of startled to see this blonde Quatre-look-alike boy appear out of nowhere. "Eh?"
Bridget stared at Sister Rosette. Sister Rosette stared at Bridget.
"YOU!?!"
And, true to the form of many Guilty Gear fan fiction –especially the senseless ones like Lone Wolf SIX's GG VS SNK and Blackheart ZERO's The Incredibly Zany Guilty Gear Story– guess what will result in this meeting?
A fight, of course!
But that's for the next chapter to tackle.
To Be Continued…