GUILTY GEAR
The Wedding Night
The Series
Conceived By: Me
Written By: Me
In the previous chapter:
The Author Wars was waged. Ky becomes a girl. I'm back.
Oh, and I also made Bridget cry. Fear me.
Coupling: Sol Badguy and Kagura/Justine Harrier/Athena Asamiya.
I don't own a lot of things here, so let me say what is mine: Yuuki, the story concept, Jack –my version; the guy, Bridget's brother– the insert characters too numerous to note totally, a Hibiki Takane plushie doll (die of envy, Lone Wolf SIX!) and all the girls I like. Laughter
The Wedding Night Series
Arc Three
Two Gears, A Goddess And A Little Piggy Who Went 'Kyoh-kun'…
Episode 3: Lord of the Angelring
When Yuuki awoke at last, it was to find herself alone inside the giant rubber ducky that was her mobile headquarters. The first thing she noted was not that she was alone or in bed or that the entire area around her was full of anti-pedophilic-Arvi booby traps, thought she was alone and was surrounded by such booby-traps.
It was that at the same time she woke up, Yuuki felt someone else do the same thing at the same time, and that she felt so empty yet–
–And yet, cleansed and light-hearted, at that.
A sheet of paper lay upon her bed sheet. There was a message on it. That Girl read it. The look on her face was priceless.
"I have to make flashbacks?" She broke into a smile of joy. "Welcome back, indeed…"
The ominous volcano towered over the blasted wastelands that were the land of the dead, spewing its thick poisonous clouds of smog and ash all across the land –or, at least, the ones that weren't following EPA regulations on their smoke emission equipment. No, it's not Mount Doom of Lord of the Rings fame, and the landscape is not Mordor. The place is Samar in the Philippines, and the mountain is the infamous Mount Pinatubo.
Two figures stare at the volcano. Not in awe or fear or terror, but in annoyance at the distance between them and the mountain, and annoyance at the ten cute critters bouncing all around them and the nine ghostly ones that hovered in place.
"Do we have to walk all the way there?"
Athena and Justine weren't tired. They hadn't even expended a small fraction of their energies. Being a command Gear or a Goddess tends to give you a lot of stamina and endurance, the better to wait out your challenger's pathetic attempts to defeat you before you crush them totally. They were, however, totally bummed out.
"If I ever have to take another step," the normally happy-go-lucky Justine groaned, "I think I'd rather drop dead than take it."
Beside her, Athena Asamiya was just as unhappy. "You drop dead. I'm dead on my feet already."
Their guide was regarding them with amusement. "If my memory serves me right," the Wanderer commented lightly, "That's about the two hundred and forty-seventh time you've said those same lines since our trip began."
"Mister Wanderer, can we take a break?"
"Of course we can. But, there is no break that can tend your kind of exhaustion: The exhaustion of the will and heart."
The two girls groaned.
They'd certainly gotten so far. In the previous chapter, the Wanderer had told them that they had to obtain three Santa Porings from the Elves, seven Majin-Porings from the Dwarves, nine Ghostrings from Men and the Angelring to rule them all and in the darkness (of electrical black out, Philippines style) bind them in the land of Leyte where lahar (flash floods) lies.
So far, they'd already gotten all but one of the items they needed. Only the Angelring was left to seek out.
The term 'items' was not exactly accurate: 'Critters' were more accurate. The Santa Porings and Ghostrings were creatures from the MMORPG game Ragnarok Online (known to Filipino gamers as RO and Lag-narok, the latter whenever it lags). The Santa Porings were cutesy pink Hershey's Kisses jelly critters and wearing red stocking caps. The Ghostrings looked like the Ghost Monsters from the old Pac-Man game save they had white sheets on.
The Majin-Porings weren't to be found in RO. They were a joke idea at a local comic convention: What if a Poring (a Santa Porings sans the Santa Hat) had eyes like Majin-Boo from Dragonball Z? Thus, they had slanted Oriental eyes. Sadly, they couldn't turn things into chocolate, which could come in handy to cheer Justine and Athena up right.
The two girls had to work a lot to get all those critters. As already said, the Santa Porings were in the hands of the Elves. They had been the first targets on the list.
(Flashback One courtesy Yuuki: "That Girl is back…")
Justine, Athena and the Wanderer had been exploring the forest for the better part of an hour now when they were attacked.
"Those Elves sure are good at hiding," Athena groused as she used her sword to cut through dense bushes. "Maybe that's all they were good at."
"The Elves are overrated," returned Justine. "They're awesome archers, but they're next to useless in a melee."
"I protest: Legolas was cool."
"Sol-chan is far better. He's the best!"
"Of course Sol-chan is the best. I'm just saying that Legolas has his points–"
"I'm gonna tell on you to Sol-chan!"
"Hey!"
The Wanderer's sudden, sharp gesture cut the feud short. The man in black stood very still as he warily scanned the area around them. Silence draped upon the forest like a heavy curtain.
It was night now.
"You can show yourselves now," the Wanderer suddenly said.
Riders appeared out of thin air, mounted upon ferocious-looking cats the size of horses and armed with multiple bladed glaives. Backing them were rank upon rank of archers, bows loaded and aimed point-blank. Behind them were several ballistae, the massive bolts easily longer than Justine or Athena's height. Behind those was an elf woman carrying a big crossbow and riding a big white tiger.
The adventurers were surrounded, ringed by the army of elves–
"Night Elves, to be precise," the Wanderer was calmly offering.
"No wonder they were good at hiding." Athena was the picture of chagrin. "They're Night Elves, and it is night already."
"Well," returned Justine, "The Archers only have 210 hit points of life each. We'll only need one or two hits."
"The Huntresses have more than twice that and so do the Ballista. And there's that Priestess of the Moon."
"You are intruders," the Priestess was saying, "And you are after our Santa Porings. We cannot allow you to get–"
The Wanderer smiled enigmatically as he raised his hand before him in what seemed to be a harmless gesture. A large spirit cross formed over him and his companions.
The Night Elf Archers, Huntresses, Ballista and Priestess all opened fire.
The explosions and battle cries were heard a good distance away. Then, silence.
The elf warrior in green was waiting for the return of the Night Elves but was not surprised to see the three intruders arrive instead. After all, the two girls were each capable of defeating everyone but the main heroes in their respective games. As for the swordsman in black, he was an author-created character. That was self-explanatory.
Justine was asking: "What the heck is a Pneuma?"
"Ragnarok Online spell," the Wanderer explained with that ever-present smile of his. "No projectile missile weapons can be used in the vicinity of the spell. No guns, no arrows."
"Well, it worked pretty well," admitted Athena.
"So you've defeated the Night Elf Sentinels." The young elf warrior did not look afraid. "But I will not let you accomplish your mission." He took out his sword and shield, the former radiating a powerful aura of good energy. "For my sister Zelda!"
"Link," the Wanderer said in a companionable way, "No matter how important our mission is, I'd still rather not fight you. Please just give us the Santa Porings now."
"And why?" Link (the Legend of Zelda hero) looked a bit offended by that remark. "You think I'm no match for you?"
"It's not that. But Sheo and Talim will kill me if I muss up even one hair strand on your handsome elfin face."
At the mention of the Filipina Wind Priestess from Soul Caliber II –the girl fan fiction writers liked to pair him up with in that particular game– Link blushed a bit. "You're making fun of me."
"Do I really want to get erased by Sheo? Do I want to fight you? The answers are 'No'. I'm just a former swordsman who still defends the right. We need those Santa Porings, Link."
"Please?" added Justine and Athena in their cutest manner.
After a few minutes of internal debate –plus a check on his watch; he did have a date with Talim scheduled– Link sighed and agreed. "It's for the best, I guess."
"Three down, thirteen to go…"
And immediately after that, the trio had gone after the Majin-Porings of the Dwarves, which was a bit hairier in that–
(Flashback Two courtesy Yuuki: "This is fun…")
"I thought we were going after the Dwarves."
"We were."
"I thought we were going after the Majin-Porings."
"We are."
"Then," Athena began with a vastly tired tone, "What the hell are we doing in the very belly of Moria, surrounded by tons of goblins and a whatever-it's-called coming at us?"
"Balrog," supplied Justine helpfully. "Durin's Bane is called a Balrog."
The Wanderer shrugged his ward's complaint. People tended to complain about the turn of events, just to have something to bitch about. "What do you expect? It's because of plot device and convenience. This is a Sheo Darren fan fiction. All of his GG stories are crazy."
They were in the underground city of Moria from The Fellowship of the Ring, and they already had the Majin-Porings. However, they were also surrounded by a sea of goblins a.k.a. orcs that were just now making way for the fearsome enemy stomping towards them.
If fearsome was what you can call a giant version of the Negro boxer Balrog (known in the original Japanese translation as M. Bison) of Street Fighter fame, albeit with wings and a tail.
"It's Balrog," the Wanderer said simply in the same way Gandalf said it. "It is beyond us (although it isn't, we have to follow the story). Run."
The girls would have argued the point, but then they were now running like hell while goblins sniped at them and Balrog pursued. Their guide/protector intentionally put himself at the rear. The trio reached the Bridge of Khazad-Dum a while later. Athena went first, then Justine. The Wanderer followed but stopped at the middle of the bridge, turning around and awaiting the really stupid-looking pugilist who chased them.
"Wanderer!"
"You cannot pass." The swordsman in black was immovably calm, his black eyes closed and at peace. "You cannot pass. Go back into the abyss you came from. You cannot pass."
Balrog said, "I'm going to pound your ass in Rocky-like." He raised his fist for the decisive blow.
"Wanderer!"
Black eyes went wide open, irises awash with memory.
"Hitomi."
Almost lazily, the Wanderer flicked something small and shiny away from him. The glittering gold coin caught Balrog's attention for a moment, distracting him and creating a small opening. The Wanderer then drew his shortened katana from his sheath in an unbelievably fast and startlingly familiar move: Johnny's Mist Finer.
Balrog regarded the swordsman in black's knowing smile, roared in anger, and prepared to strike. He did not seem to have noticed the attack. After all, the Mist Finer was not directed at him.
It was aimed at the bridge itself.
The section of the bridge where Balrog was standing broke away and fell down the abyss. Justine and Athena watched the demon plunged to its doom.
"You idiot!" both of them yelled at it insultingly. "Fly, you stupid git! Fly! You've got wings!"
Balrog didn't fly; it just kept on falling.
"What is this: Dumbo, or Peter Pan?" Justine complained in disgust.
Smiling as he came over to them, the Wanderer said: "The reason old J.R.R. gave it wings and made it fly in The Silmarillion but not in LotR has only one answer."
"We know: Plot device…"
And finally, they went after the Ghostrings in the hands of Men –or, more accurately, they went after the Ghostrings in the hands of the Nazgul.
(Flashback Three courtesy Yuuki: "I missed doing this…")
"We really are going to do this?"
"That's the one hundred and forty-fifth time you've said that."
"Humor me."
"Yes."
"Okay…"
The Nazgul came screeching at them on the fly. Normally the things' screams paralyzed men with fear. But the three who stood before them were not normal and not entirely human. Justine's well-aimed Angel Laser/Gamma Ray took out four of the Nazgul while Athena's gigantic parakeet–
"Don't make fun of my attacks!"
–but it is, after all, a giant yellow bird; anyway, the giant candy yellow budgerigar or budgie defeated the other four.
"Hah! I used a mere normal attack while you had to use an Overdrive!"
"Guess what I'm going to say," the other returned mischievously.
"Don't say it," the Psycho Soldier-turned-Goddess warned her Gear girl rival.
"The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming!"
"I hate you."
"Time for that later," the Wanderer warned as the Witch King of Angmar, the leader of the Nazgul and most powerful of the Nine Ringwraiths, came on.
"Fool. Stand not between a Nazgul and its prey."
As always, the swordsman in black was not moved or afraid. "The way you say the word, 'Fool'," he did volunteer with a smile, "You remind me of my creator's best friend back in his high school second year."
(Far away, the Jin Zapper sneezed.)
The Witch King brandished its weapon, a huge mace. "No man can kill me."
"Let's dispute that statement, shall we? After all, this isn't Lord of the Rings, but The Wedding Night 2."
In anger the Witch King swung his mace, but the Wanderer's katana cut it off at the base. Again, the phrase endings rhymed.
"You were supposed to yell, 'Gundam Hammer'," he scolded the Nazgul in a bantering tone. "Oh, well. I guess you're not a Tomino fan."
"But you still cannot kill me!"
"Yes." The Wanderer pointed to the horizon and to the thing approaching them. "But that thing can."
"Eh?"
It was a King Charles Spaniel/mongrel dog, barking nonstop like mad at the Witch King.
"Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!"
"Why should I fear a little dog?" The Nazgul glared at the yapping little dog and made a motion to crush it under his heel.
The Wanderer murmured knowingly, "Because it happens to be Meeka, the little dog of Person With Many Aliases."
"Oh. Oh, shi–"
"The following scenes of violence which would turn the most stable of stomachs will not be published since this fan fiction is rated a maximum of PG-13. See An Unfortunate Series of Advents Chapter 9. Looks like Meeka is a biter after all, Person."
Tipping her spectacles back upon the bridge of her nose, Yuuki grinned at the audience. "I'm really back."
"That is one scary dog," Justine mumbled as she stared at Meeka shredding the remains of her new chew toy that was once the feared Witch King. "How does Person WMA manage to keep her in check?"
"Maybe he offers her Sheo Darren chew toys?" Athena lamely offered, but looking all around her to make sure the author she was ribbing at wasn't there.
"Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!"
"Got the Ghostrings?" the Wanderer asked.
"You bet!"
In the background, the 1980s Ghostbusters' theme song was playing out loud even as the team itself was trapping all the Ghostrings.
Meanwhile, in another part of the world…
If there was one thing Sol liked about Kagura's house, it was that it had a very big bath tub, as big as a swimming pool. As his alter-ego Frederick Mercury had discovered more than a hundred years earlier, Sol had found out that nothing beat the boredom out of his body better and more deliciously than a hot bath.
The pool ordinarily took some time to heat up, but Sol solved that pretty quickly. It took only ten seconds for the water to heat up via inducement from Fuenken. The Flame Seal was not only good for heating water, but could also be used for starting a fire, melting snow into potable water, lighting up dark places, sterilizing open wounds, portable outdoors barbecue, and of course toasting the occasional bad guy who took it into his head to mess with the Badguy. Sol considered creating miniature Fuenkens and selling them off as outdoor survival tools; the potential profits were tempting.
But the bath awaited him. Sol tossed off his clothes, only retaining the Gear Control Cell he always wore around his forehead, the headgear with the words Rock You etched upon. Soaking himself into the pleasantly warm water, he broke into a handsome smile that was very rare indeed. If any fan girls were in the area, they would have been knocked out cold.
"All I need now," he grumbled to himself in a pleasurable thought, "Is a bottle of beer and a really hot chick, and then this would be perfect."
When the door to the bathroom suddenly swung open, Sol nearly jumped at the sound. He instead grabbed Fuenken and got ready to fight whatever or whoever it was entering, notwithstanding the fact that he had no clothes on and was effectively naked.
(In the background, lots of fan girls are fainting in sheer delight at the thought.)
You immediately knew when the girl entered the room; the temperature rose quite perceptibly the moment she took her first step inside. She had luxuriantly long dark auburn hair and delicate brown eyes, lovely looks and one very luscious figure. She had only a short terry bath robe on and walked with the grace of a princess and was carrying a tray with two bottles of Miller Light Beer.
Sol stared at the girl and at the beer, and the girl smiled at him a bit hesitantly but nicely enough. Then, remembering he had no clothes on and suffering a relapse of old-time modesty from his life as Frederick Mercury, Sol submerged himself deeper into the water and backed himself into the farthest corner of the pool, turning away as he did. While what he was mentally thinking of saying was, "Censored. I get my damn wish true, and the first thing I do is turn away," what he really said was:
"Um, you can enter the pool, I guess. I won't look."
Censored out-of-character syndrome, he grumbled to himself. Hot chick arrives and the first thing I do is turn away. I'll kill Sheo for this.
"Arigatou Sol-kun," the girl said in a familiar voice, a blush on her cheeks.
Spinning around, his jaw agape, Sol stared at the girl who was actually Kagura.
"I wonder why Sheo came up with a Kagura-Sol pairing?"
"Aren't you happy with that? Kagura doesn't get to massacre you anymore."
"Of course I'm happy enough." Kyoh drank from his glass of orange juice. "I'd suppose you're as happy as I am, Johnny, when Sheo paired up Bridget and May."
"You don't know how much it means to me to have May off my back. Finally, after half a decade of self-restraint, I can chase after chicks again without running the risk of me or the girl in my sights getting hit by a big pink whale."
"You're gunning for that Millia woman, aren't you?"
"Yeah." Johnny looked like he was interested enough. "Why?"
"Just some advice: Leon Winchester likes Millia as much as Kagura once liked me. You might still run into some risk there."
"I can take him. After all, he's just one guy with a Winchester, right?"
"You've forgotten all the other Jellyfish girls, Johnny. Plus, Sheo's decided to take up the Venom-Millia pairing TRUE Unknown wrote."
"SHEO DID WHAT?"
"He's been advised that it'll be very funny to try coupling them. Sheo decided to give it the good old try after he finishes Sol-Kagura-Justine-Athena and Bridget-May."
"Aw, man, what is it with this world? Good karma, bad karma…"
"And one last piece of bad news…"
His body still smoking from the combined aftereffects of the 'Night of the Thousand Kitty-Cats' and 'Yaoi/Yuri Overload', Sammy tried to get up on his feet. Or, at least, he tried to, and promptly found himself face first into the ground, badly injured.
"Damn it. I was defeated by Kaiser Ryouga II and badly mangled in the battle. I cannot die now. The Empire of Nibbles needs me. I am all the Empire has. I cannot accept my defeat…"
Then, he heard footsteps approaching him.
"A kitten?"
Recently returned from her battle rage as a German machine gunner in World War II –despite her being a Russian by nationality; the fact probably slipped Lone Wolf SIX's mind–, Millia Rage observed the battered ball of fluff at her feet, then picked it up gently and took it home with here. She liked cats.
Hah, Sammy was thinking. Die in envy, Leon Winchester.
On top of a mountain, Leon Winchester howls out his envy. "SAMMY! I'll get you, you stupid kitten! Millia is mine! All mine!"
Athena, Justine and the Wanderer rested a bit before they resumed their quest. There was only one '–ring' to be sought now: The one Angelring to rule all other'–rings'.
Almost at the beginning of the end, they ran into problems.
"What do you mean, 'It's not there'?"
For the first time since they'd traveled with him, the Wanderer seemed to be taken aback. He masked it very well, but he was still surprised.
"The Angelring is always in the Poring Island area. Always. There's no way, save a Dead Branch or the Sage's Abracadabra spell or some bored GM whimsically dumping one inside the Midgard Academy –and God have mercy on all Novices who happen upon it there– that it can be anywhere else."
"But it's the truth, sir," the Kafra Girl was reiterating. "It's no longer there. Besides," she added –this was the dark-haired Kafra with the slightly tussled hairdo, the one who was a wee bit too forgetful– "Ookami no Mibu encountered it once in the Mt. Mjolnir region south of Aldebaran."
"I know." The Wanderer smiled at that. "He got mobbed by the Angelring, several Poporing, a couple of Argos and a pair of Agrioppes that time. And he's still suffering trauma from getting mobbed by a ton of Poison Spores when he was already a high-level assassin. Shameful…"
(Aside, RO assassin Ookami no Mibu is being tended to by Chiaki Kiriyama, Quon and an alternate version of Chii. "I hate Poison Spores…")
The trio considered this unexpected development.
"What do you think?" Justine and Athena asked. "Did someone get to it before we did?"
"Yes." The swordsman in black looked grim. "And I have an idea who took it."
"Very good, my minions! This should teach that meddling immortal swordsman a lesson he won't soon forget!"
The Boob Tube of Doom Mk II was pleased. Earlier, it had led the EFZ girls in a search-and-capture mission after the Angelring. They had found the critter with its accompanying flock of Poporings in the Poring Island area and had gone down to business. The end result was the Angelring captured and five Sticky Mucus, one Garlet, three Grapes, two Poporing Cards and a Poporing Doll as the spoils of the battle.
Aside, kneeling by her own and bearing her trusty sword in her arms, was Amasagawa Mai. Ever since she had woken up –coincidentally the same time Yuuki did– the swordie girl/team leader had distanced herself from her teammates and her master. She had a detached look in her eyes whenever they were open, but she usually kept them closed, meditating deeply upon something.
Her eyes drew open. "He's here."
Justine and Athena arrived in full battle mode, the former in her Command Gear armor, the latter bearing sword and shield. Before them was the man in black, the Wanderer, swords at the ready, the imperturbable smile upon his handsome face.
"I was expecting you!" The TV salesman on the Boob Tube of Doom Mk II's screen gestured to the EFZ girls. "Attack the Swordsman! Do not let him help his wards!"
All the girls looked around for the said person in puzzlement, even though the Wanderer was standing right in front of them. The only exception was Mai, who watched him with deep concentration but made no move to attack.
The man in black chuckled. "I'm not the Swordsman anymore," he reminded the Boob Tube of Doom. "Swordsman has passed away and rests in peace. I'm just a wanderer now, one who walks a world of darkness in order to find the light."
"Argh! Stop revealing spoilers of the background history of Sheo's original story! And you're ripping off Noir, too." The TV salesman/Boob Tube gestured angrily at him. "Girls! Get the Wanderer!"
Now the girls realized who their master meant. All five of them hurtled forward, human missiles, weapons of cute destruction, all aimed at the man who was Swordsman No More, the Wanderer.
That left Justine and Athena alone with the Boob Tube of Doom. "What can a TV do against us?" mocked Athena as they approached the seemingly helpless but utterly evil appliance.
The demonic TV salesman laughed evilly. "I can change channels!"
"So?" Justine scoffed as she activated her armor's weapons systems. "What can cable do to us?"
"I have cable, you fool! And where there is cable, there will be a dedicated anime channel! And where there is a dedicated anime channel, there is a hentai channel! And where there is a hentai channel–"
The TV changed channels to Animax. The screen was dark save for a single word, the name of a company that produces anime, a company infamous for a certain genre in anime that they had certainly made a big mark in: Hentai. And in that genre, they had developed a kind of hentai that was forever associated with the company in question.
The company name was ADV.
The TV salesman leered. "There is ADV tentacle monster hentai."
The hideous monster that crawled out of the screen was almost entirely composed of only one kind of limb: Tentacles, lots and lots of tentacles. The slimy lengths flailed their way towards Justine and Athena.
Disgusted by the ugly beast, the two girls began pouring their combined tremendous firepower into it. But the tentacle monster emerged unharmed, shrugging off the astonished girls' follow-up attacks. Its tentacles caught hold of Justine, then Athena, immobilizing them completely.
"Why didn't our attacks even scratch it?"
"This is impossible! I can't break free!"
The Boob Tube of Doom laughed evilly. "You fools do not realize what I have unleashed! In ADV hentai anime, no matter however powerful the girl character is, she will be no match at all against a tentacle monster! The monster will have its perverted way with her! As this monster will have its way with you!"
"Help! Wanderer!"
The man in black had problems of his own. Though he outclassed his opponents by an unimaginable margin, the necessity of a plot to follow limited his powers. Besides, five girls attacking from five different angles were pretty hard to stop.
The Wanderer sidestepped Shiori's ice beam, dodged Ikumi's blood-letting grab from behind, parried Sayuri's insanely powerful bokken strike, Fortressed Blocked Nayuki's cheap combo, and jumped over Kaori's flaming breath attack. But he was being delayed to good effect, and he could see now the tentacle monster about to overwhelm Justine and Athena.
"Too many," he murmured mysteriously, his eyes suddenly taking on an adamantine determination and losing their color as the Wanderer finally unleashed his potent battle trance: The so-called 'Seed Mode'.
"Too many… keeping me… from… HEAVEN!"
(Yes, the Wanderer read Marvel Comics' World War III issue. He's a Thor fan.)
Five separate slashes, one after the other, so fast that there wasn't even blurring to betray their paths of motion. All five EFZ girls went flying and hit the ground, unconscious, defeated.
Even as he now turned towards the tentacle monster, the Wanderer knew that he was too late and he could do nothing in time to protect them from having their persons violated like so many girls in countless ADV hentai.
But there was someone who could do something.
There was someone who did something.
The tentacles holding Justine and Athena were suddenly sliced apart. The two girls fell down to the ground, freed now and staring in surprise at their rescuer.
"Are you okay?"
It was Amasagawa Mai, sword now returned to its sheath after the battoujitsu strike that had helped the two girls get free.
"You…"
The Boob Tube of Doom was furious. "Why have you betrayed me, Mai? After all I did for you, you decided to cast your lot with them?"
Slowly, dramatically, Mai gave her former master a look of regret. "I'm a Hibiki clone. Takane Hibiki stands for the potential of both good and bad. She is the Innocent Swordswoman I am modeled upon. She is a Swordswoman.
(Somewhere with Lone Wolf SIX, Hibiki suddenly sneezed. "Bless you." "Someone must be thinking about me." "You mean me?")
"And as Swordswoman –as all Swordsmen and Swordswomen must do, even the Wanderer who is Swordsman No More," Mai finished, "I must defend the right."
"Traitor who translated the Ragnarok Online Swordsman advertisement far too seriously!" The Boob Tube of Doom sent a telepathic command to the tentacle monster, which obediently went for Mai. "You're still a girl and cannot defeat an ADV tentacle monster! DIE!"
"But I," a voice intruded all of a sudden, "Am no girl, but the Swordsman No More."
Beside Mai now, the Wanderer smiled. "Indeed. Swordsmen must defend the right. Welcome back to the fold, Amasagawa Mai. Swordswoman."
She broke into a smile, and with Athena and Justine watched as the beautifully ethereal wings of light emerged from the Wanderer, wings that enveloped the tentacle monster and drew it within the swordsman's body even as a pillar of light swathed him in its radiance. Then, a shining sword fell from heaven, sheathing itself in the Wanderer's body, and the Wings of Eternity detonated in a blinding brilliance.
And when the light faded away, the Wanderer stood there, alone, purified of the evil he had imprisoned within himself, a smile upon his tired but contented face. "Farewell to arms."
"DESTROYED!" the GG announcer yelled.
Then the man in black wavered and fell into Mai's arms.
"Wanderer? Are you okay?"
"Yes. I'm just tired. Tired as the day I thought my love had left me, tired until the day my new love brought me out of the darkness and back into the world." He smiled and joked: "My fiancée might get jealous."
Mai blushed.
(In the Ultrasaurus, Kirika Yuumura sneezed.
("Hey, Kirika sneezed!"
("Uy, sino kaya yung nag-iisip sa kanya?")
The Boob Tube of Doom was beside itself in anger. "Damn you, Wanderer! You've defeated my girls again and even turned one of them against me!" The screen switched to show Daffy Duck snapping at Bugs Bunny, "You're despicable."
"And now," the man in black offered to his three companions, "It's time to send the Boob Tube of Doom to its rightful place."
"The Philippine post office?" Mai asked, meaning the usual dumping spot for the Box of Doom's previous incarnations.
"No." He had a mischievous grin as he spoke. "We're going to put him for sale in one of the Philippines' second-hand/surplus/spare parts stores."
The horror on the TV salesman's face was memorable.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
It was when they noticed Chloe went still that they knew something was wrong.
The girls had been tending to the increasingly distraught and feeble assassin since her outburst in the last chapter. Kirika had never left her fellow Tree's side; at Tessa's request, Rei kept a silent watch on both of them.
Skuld and Washu hypothesized that the P4 computer had done something to Chloe during her stay in the Ultrasaurus. The girls had found Chloe often wandering in a daze around the general place where the P4 was usually sited. She also kept mentioning the 'Omake' or 'Bonus' sections that always took place at the end of the story.
When she was scanned by medical instruments, it was discovered that Chloe's brain showed many signs that much information had been transferred into her. If Einstein was a genius using only 10% of his brain, Chloe had a lot more potential. It also seemed that the P4 had established a mind link with her. Everyone suspected that the rogue computer's disappearance was part of the reason their friend was affected so.
When Chloe started mumbling in a frightened voice, they all went over to her side in order to calm her down.
"No… Carlo… and Justin… their evil programs… hentai games… overpowering system resources… too many hentai games… even for…"
"Chloe?"
"Oh, no, not again."
"OMAKE…"
Left alone in the Abyss after its successful war with Lone Wolf SIX –if you could call successful only one surviving Grizzly tank left out of your numerous armies– the P4 faced its end.
Even with all of its power, there was one thing the P4 feared. And no, it was not its creator Sheo Darren.
Two people approached the computer, two Filipinos chatting with each other., cheerful yet ominous.
"You sure our hentai games can run on this thing?"
"Justin, we can't use the ones at our shop. One of our shop's units crashed because of all the H games we loaded into it, remember? Besides, Roen's closed shop already."
"Well, this computer looks brand new. We'll try it out for a while. Got your CD installers, Carlo?"
"Sure. I even have the Green Green CDs Ebs: Metal Freak lent the company. Akihiro Tanabe should love this. Lots of 'panty flashes', ecchi, the trio of baka sukebe and all–"
"He likes Kiddy Grade more. He claims the ecchi there is 'more elegant'."
"You're quoting Lumiere. Sheo will get mad at you."
"Ebs was going to make a fan fiction based on Green Green, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, but the lead isn't the nice guy but a martial arts war freak who's a mix of Sol and Iori named Ikari no Ken; what an idea..."
"Sheo offered to help write it. Wonder what will come out of it?"
"Can you say: Insanity?" They both laughed.
So, this was the end. Sheo Darren himself had said so. "When you see these two guys," he had told it, "Your existence as who you are will soon come to a close. They will be the ones who bring you to your end.
"But," he added in his mysterious author way, "The end is also a beginning."
The end is also a beginning, eh?
So be it.
I have back-up files, after all.
Chloe closed her eyes and was fast asleep.
Everyone sighed in relief. "Thank goodness for small favors," Tessa murmured.
And then they all noticed something that wasn't there, something that had somehow slipped their notices, something that would utterly shake their worlds.
"Where's Sheo?"
In the dark battlefield littered with the leavings of war, it lays upon the cold ground, broken, lifeless, its existence ceased.
It is finished.
Or is it?
The P4's monitor glows briefly for one brief moment. Words are inscribed upon it, words whose traces remain even after the last light was extinguished.
"He's back."