GUILTY GEAR
The Wedding Night
The Series
Conceived By: Me
Written By: Me
In the previous chapter:
The P4 is dead. I killed the P4. Long live the P4. The P4 is gone for good… or is it? You'll know soon enough…
Also: Yuuki finally awakens. After getting the Ghostrings, Santa Porings and Majin-Porings, the trio of Athena-Justine-Wanderer battle the Boob Tube of Doom Mk II and the EFZ girls. With the help of Mai Amasagawa, they capture the Angelring. Kyoh drinks with Johnny and talks about future plots. Sammy ends up under Millia's care, and Leon Winchester swears vengeance. Plus: Can this girl who appeared to Sol actually be Kagura?
Coupling: Sol Badguy and Kagura/Justine Harrier/Athena Asamiya.
No, Lone Wolf SIX, I was just kidding and I do not really own a Hibiki Plushie, so quit stalking me like that. What I do own is this story concept and my created characters, including the inserts. The rest belongs to Sammy, Capcom, SNK, the guy who created Megatokyo, and what else company I've ripped off. Oh, and please refer back to the previous Chapter. I've repaired it, so the missing parts are filled up now.
Aw, come on, Lone Wolf. I've already said I don't have a Hibiki Plushie. Honest…
The Wedding Night Series
Arc Three
Two Gears, A Goddess And A Little Piggy Who Went 'Kyoh-kun'…
Episode 4: All's Well That Ends Well
a.k.a. Full Heavy Metal Gear Panic Alchemist: Sons of Idiocy and Megatokyo: Version Sheo
Two girls were facing each other on a table. After staring at each other for a while, a Coke bottle appears on the table. Both girls grinned and began tapping and rapping the table in synchronized movement patterns.
"Ito ang lag, sabay-sabay, ito ang, lag lahat-patay, pabagal nang pabagal. Naiinis, naiinis. Bwisit ba? Bwisit nga! Aaahhhhhh: Lag-narok a! Nalilito, nahihilo, nahihilo, nangingilo, lag ito, lag ito, lag ito, AYAW KO!!
"Bwisit na lag ito, o…"
"This is a trailer commercial for Lag-narok Online. Americans and Canadians and other foreigners beware: Only Filipinos will understand this joke. Do not attempt to understand the idea behind this. Translations cannot express the sentiments of this pun.
"And now, to Episode 4: All's Well That Ends Well."
On where she was seated, Yuuki grinned. "Or will it really end well?"
* * *
"WHAT?"
Though he was not supposed to appear in this chapter, the not-mysterious-at-all man who helped Blackheart ZERO defeat Deathwing Omega in the real Author Wars was doing so now because of one recently cropped-up issue that even he hadn't predicted at all, an issue that got to his nerves so much that he just had to speak his mind out.
"Damn you, Lone Wolf SIX! How dare you do this to Hibiki!"
In the most recent chapter of Lone Wolf SIX's Guilty Gear versus SNK fan fiction…
"Yes! Flashback! I've got something to do again!" (from Yuuki)
Lone Wolf SIX just sighed and looked up the evening sky. Eventually, he got bored of walking in the park and decided to go home when...
"Wolfie?"
Lone Wolf SIX turned around. His eyes widened in disbelief. His hunch was right; he would meet one. And the one would be no other than.
"Don't you remember me? Your primary school friend, who would take me for a piggy-ride after school?"
"Do I know you?"
"Silly. You're the one who sent me this Valentine card. Don't you remember?"
"Wait. I've never sent any Valentine card to you. Unless." Then Lone Wolf SIX gasped in surprised. "Ca-Cassandra!?"
The girl leaped in happiness and jumped toward Lone Wolf SIX, hugging him very tightly. "You did remember me, Wolfie!" the girl cried. "I've been looking forward to see you since you were transferred to Japan! Oh, god! I misss you so much!"
"Wolfie?"
"Yes, Cassandra?"
"Will you promise me?"
"Promise you? What should I promise you?"
"Will you promise me not to forget me when you're at Japan?"
"Oh, Cassandra. You know I wouldn't forget someone important to me, don't you?"
"Will you, Wolfie?"
"I will promise you, Cassandra. I will keep you deep inside my heart."
Lone Wolf SIX was speechless. He never expected to meet his old friend - or to be more specific, his childhood girlfriend. He had totally lost his memory of Cassandra since he was transferred to Japan when he was 11. Strangely, he felt happy to meet Cassandra; happy that his old memories had been revived. He was about to hug her when he noticed a woman standing not far from them, who was in complete surprise.
"Hi-Hibiki?"
"Lone Wolf-san? Who... who's that girl?" Hibiki demanded, in an anguish and jealous tone.
"Hibiki, I... I can explain this. Well, you see." Then Lone Wolf SIX sweatdropped. Hibiki was glaring enviously at him, and her wakazashi was ready to be withdrawn.
"End of flashback. Hope Lone Wolfie-san bites it… lol" (from Yuuki)
"Damn it! How could he? How could he just do that?" The un-mysterious man in spectacles was fuming with anger. "He's not just ripping off Love Hina! He's also making Hibiki suffer senselessly with romantic pain! He's worse than Person With Many Aliases and TRUE Unknown put together! What's the only Bridget-May fan/writer in fanfiction.net supposed to do when everyone's ganging up on him?"
It was all too obvious how the guy who didn't want his identity to be revealed right not –but kept on dropping all-too obvious hints as to who he really is– had his own affections for the Last Blade II swordswoman. Among other things, he was overprotective and doting of the characters he liked, especially the younger ones like Tomoyo Daidouji. Anyone who got his rocks off putting any of those girls in perverted or cruel situations or noting their imperfections risked triggering this author's homicidally ballistic temper, something people who appear in this fan fiction would not want to happen as it often resulted in major trouble of the worst kind.
Back at the hot spring changing room from Chapter 9, April and Jack broke off their passionate kissing long enough for the latter to say, "If you like my character so much, why are you then making me suffer?"
"For the answer to that question," growled the godlike voice of the guy in a manner that was exactly someone they all knew, "Refer to Person WMA's explanation in An Unfortunate Series of Advent. And here, suffer some more."
Before April and Jack could even think of it, they were back to kissing each other, just like Bridget and May did back in the early part of this story. Readers can let their minds wander as to what they're really doing. The author will not mind such ecchi insinuations… At least, not while he's too depressed… and they're not doing anything, not yet… maybe for the next chapter… never mind…
"So, this is your revenge for having been defeated by the P4?" He was ranting now as he was wont to do when he was annoyed. He was also on fire with anger. "Nobody –and I mean nobody– can do that to Hibiki and live to tell of it! No matter what reason they may give! Argh!
"Lumiere," he then added politely and calmly, "Could you hand over my Coleman, will you? I need a drink."
Beside him, a cute girl with pinkish-red eyes and light blue hair gave him the aforementioned portable water jug that was to the author as Wilson the volleyball was to the castaway Tom Hanks.
A long swill of water later:
"Okay. I feel better now." The man's eyes glittered in menace as he declaimed again. "When I finally get back, Lone Wolf SIX, I will make you suffer, suffer greatly! You dare break Hibiki-chan's heart? Fine. I'll break you."
"By the way," the girl named Lumiere noted. "The 4K gang is mentioning something called Blackmail. What do you think we should do about it?"
The guy –who isn't mysterious anymore as his companion has just revealed his identity– stares in shock at his assistant, then buries his face in a pillow and groaned.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Lumiere. I think."
"You should start acting more elegantly as befitting your age. Besides, you forgave Lone Wolf SIX in a personal letter, remember? And you've promised to get things going up again."
"Yare, yare." Good old Sheo Darren –his great reentry now spoiled– was now depressed, the pillow covering his face muffling his voice as he began glumly giving out orders
"Aura, activate red alert and prepare the Silvana for battle… Asagi, Jura, Mayura: Prep up Neo Granzon… Natsumi, can you refill my partner here? Thank you. Mayura –I meant Matantei Loki Mayura, not Gundam Seed Mayura… Yes, 'Mystery!' girl, not the one with a crush on Lowe in Gundam Seed Astray… what? You did have a crush on him, don't you? No, no, Al-chan, Irui-chan, I can't play with you now; I'm off to destroy Lone Wolf SIX-san– aw, please don't look at me like that… oh, God… I think I need another drink… I'm getting too old for this…"
"Authors should be more graceful," Lumiere sighed wistfully as all around her, the aerial battleship Silvana went on full alert.
* * *
Meanwhile…
"Arigatou, Sol-kun."
Sol stared in shock at the blushing figure of the girl who was, unbelievably, Kagura. He could not begin to bring himself to believe that this was the excessively kind yet potentially scary kid who'd just kidnapped him to replace Kyoh. For one thing, Kagura was 15, a kid. The girl before him was at least 18, with a lovely face, full hips and fully mature assets.
She was blushing prettily, embarrassed at the attention. She did have a fine figure after all, one that was only just barely covered by the bathrobe. Thus Sol 'surreptitiously' was also eyeing her, albeit in a manner The Archimage in Chapter 4 of A Little Bit of Innocence would term 'properly bad-ass'.
"Would you like some beer?" Kagura asked shyly, proffering the tray of Miller Light she bore. "I brought some for us."
Now that got a positive reaction. "About damn time I got something good in this story," grumbled Sol as he grabbed a beer, opened it and took one long slug. "Warm, but tastes good enough…"
He didn't notice Kagura sliding to a point right beside him, not until the pop of a beer bottle being opened caught his notice as she opened her bottle and took a dainty sip. What also caught his notice was that she leaned on him, resting her head on his shoulder, her face lightly upon his well-muscled build.
"Hey, don't get too familiar with me, kid." Sol was a bit put off as he was sort of anti-social. Being created as you were against your own will and without you getting a say in things plus a lifetime of battles had made him all of one hundred and fifty years or so grumpy.
That was why he nearly freaked out when Kagura slipped her arms around his waist in a loving manner.
"You're hurting," she said softly, her gentleness strength in itself, and Sol realized he didn't want her to stop. "You're hurting so much. I don't want you to hurt. I want to take whatever hurt I can away from you, so you won't hurt so much anymore."
She looked up to his face with real compassion that could not be faked. "I want to be with you, Sol."
Something inside the half-Gear's heart –undamaged and rock solid even after a century and half of Marlboro-smoking, beer-guzzling, Gear-stomping, yaoi portrayals and chasing after crazy Canadians (three guesses who Canadian in question is)– changed. It wasn't so much that his 'tough guy' attitude melted. Rather, it got vaporized in that one warm cuddly moment, though the resulting A-Bomb-level thump in his chest didn't startle Kagura.
Even though the big bad guy in the Badguy flinched against it, Sol's arm found its way around her waist. Out of character, out of censored censored character, his mind was screaming, but for once, Sol didn't mind his mind.
"I could get used to this," he grumbled, not knowing how fateful his words were or that his rival Ky Kiske had said the exact same thing before things went Sheo Darren on him. Meaning, everything went to hell.
The walls to the bathroom exploded.
Sol would have Fortress Blocked, but Kagura shielded for him. When the dust cleared, two figures could be seen standing in the hole in the wall.
"Kagura!"
Earlier:
Athena and Justine were surprised and saddened to learn that the Wanderer would be leaving them now. The swordsman in black had gone as far as to escort them to the boundary of Kagura's neighborhood. Then and there, he bid them farewell.
"You've accomplished your quest. With these creatures at your side and your training, you'll be able to do what you need to do." He smiled his usual smile. "You no longer need me to guide you, much less protect you.
"Besides," he added as he put his hand on Amasagawa Mai's shoulder, "I have to bring Mai-chan here over to the Ultrasaurus. I'm sure the girls will be happy to welcome her into the group at last."
So, it was with a heavy heart that they bade farewell to their new friend. But not before–
"Wanderer, can I ask you something?"
"Yes?"
Athena and Justine exchanged glances then they both asked:
"Are you Sheo Darren?"
The Wanderer actually blinked at that question, then broke into laughter. "Now how on earth did you girls come to think of that?"
"Well, Nik Hasta suggested it in a review he wrote for the previous chapter."
"So, are you really Sheo?"
The man in black was silent for a while, thinking over his answer. It was Mai who spoke for him, though.
"In a way: Yes. The Wanderer is a creation of Sheo Darren. He is a part of the world Sheo created and has part of Sheo's spirit, and that makes him a part of Sheo. But, he is not Sheo himself. He is merely a wanderer, a swordsman of light and hope.
"Besides," she added with an impish grin, "Sheo's the one who–"
"Don't even think of saying it," gruffly growled a very familiar voice from the sky. I'm in a bad mood, thanks to you and Lone Wolf SIX.
Mai grinned even more as she gestured to the sky. "See? You're too obvious."
"You've ruined my grand return, you two plus Lone Wolfie-chan and Lumiere. Swordsmen and Swordswomen and Kiddy Grade and Bridget-Dizzy fans: You're all the same…"
"I couldn't have said it better myself." The Wanderer patted her on the shoulder fondly and bid Justine and Athena one last goodbye. "By the way," he then added as an afterthought, putting his hands on their shoulder comfortingly. "If you truly need power, then remember this: The trigger of power you will need lies within the Angelring. Put it on. But the trigger will rely on the two of you to supply the power. Nothing more or less than you two will prove to be your saving grace."
"I think I'll go back to reading Megatokyo. Aw, Azusa-chan… hidoi…"
"Well, we have to go now. I wish you guys the best of luck."
"You, too, Wanderer. You, too…"
"We'll be taking back Sol-chan now," Justine said sternly as she activated her Gear battle armor fully. "Or is there any dissension?"
Kagura rose from the pool like a forbiddingly cute grim reaper in short bathrobe. "Kagura-chan won't let Athena-chan and Justine-chan take Sol-kun without a fight."
"Your funeral." Athena got into her fighting pose, and then added as an afterthought: "For goodness' sake, will you stop referring to yourself in the third person?"
"And stop using the suffix –chan on us," Justine added. "It's demeaning. But," she suggested, "You can use it for Dizzy if you want to."
Where she, Hotaru and Rock were trying to calm down the panicking Ky Kiske –currently a girl thanks to Faust– Dizzy suddenly sneezed.
"Don't I get a say in this?" Sol began, even as the three girls got ready to fight. Of course, no one paid attention to him, so he was reduced to mumbling under his breath.
And then another person appeared.
"What the– Cloud Strife?"
It was indeed the spiky-haired blonde big-sword-touting hero of the immortal Final Fantasy Seven game. But his costume was different, looking more evil than heroic. And his sword– his sword radiated pure evil energy, evne sheathed as it was.
"Justine Harrier? Athena Asamiya??"
They stared stared at him.
"Omae wo korosu," Cloud said simply. I will kill you.
"Flashback again! Yuuki loves her job!" (from Yuuki)
It had taken Cloud a long time to track down the cause behind all the sorrows in his life. And no, it was not Sephiroth, despite all the evil that guy had caused. It was someone else entirely, someone who was far more evil, so evil that the scale was unimaginable.
He fought many battles indeed, so many battles that Cloud wondered if his entire life was a battle. He had fought armies, sub-bosses, mini-bosses, big bosses, huge bosses with four and a half versions (FF8's Ultimecia, anyone?), side story bosses, card game bosses, Boss Robots and the like.
Finally, after defeating the likes of Ultima Weapon, Ozma and SIN, Cloud had found his most hated foe, the one responsible for the greatest tragedy in his life.
"Sho Tsuzuku!" The former Soldier-turned-freedom fighter was afire with rage. "You will pay dearly for all the evil you have accomplished in this fan fiction and beyond! I, Cloud Strife, will finally revenge the death of the one I most loved!"
"Oh?" The very evil man laughed callously as was his wont. "But it appears to me that you are the one who have come to pay: Pay tribute. To me."
"You shall not mock me or anyone anymore! This is for Aeris!"
So saying, Cloud smote his enemy, decapitating the latter with a huge slash of his Materia Blade. The villain's head fell off and rolled onto the ground, coming to a stop and looking up at his killer.
To Cloud's horror, the severed head of Sho Tsuzuku began to laugh.
"I do not believe you have killed me at all."
Even as his body casually picked up his head and put it back on as his grotesque wound healing with unnatural speed, Sho Tsuzuku smirked. "As you can see, I am quite alive. I am immortal, you see. I also possess that most infuriating of all anime villain super powers: Hyper regeneration."
"You're not human," the shocked Cloud whispered.
Again Sho Tsuzuku laughed. "You've only noticed that now? But I believe it is my move. Now: You Shell." He raised his hand slightly, and from the finger with an ornate ring on it sprung a massive electrical attack that brought Cloud on his knees, paralyzing the blonde Soldier.
"This cannot be!" Cloud tried to rise but failed. "I cannot let Aeris die in vain! All my life in FF7, I've been trying to bring her back! I've followed all the suggestions and tips and guides people send to gaming magazines ever since she died in 1997! I've used so many Gameshark cheats that five Playstations have gone haywire on me! Yet I still can't bring Aeris back to life!
Sho Tsuzuku smirked at the fallen Soldier. "You don't know the true reason why you can't get Aeris back, no matter how hard you try or whatever you do, do you?"
"Isn't it because the programming team was running late and so they decided to cut off the part where Aeris was resurrected?"
"It was not because of that, gullible young fool." The super-villain laughed and gestured grandly. "It's because I have her soul."
"What?" Cloud was dismayed by that revelation. "That can't be!"
Laughing, the other held up a small crystal. Within that crystal was the ethereal image of a girl, drifting in a void: The spirit Aeris Gainsborough herself, unconscious, the prisoner of Sho Tsuzuku.
"I have her soul, young fool. I can do anything I please with her." Sho Tsuzuku focused a bit, and within the crystal Aeris suddenly screamed in pain and horror. "Anything."
"Damn you… damn you…"
"Why, thank you. I consider that a compliment." Sho Tsuzuku let the crystal dangle mockingly just out of Cloud's reach, reminding the latter that the thing he held most dear was in one of the most dangerous of hands.
"Now, I should kill you and be rid of you forever. But," he added with an evil smile, "Like all great evil super villain bosses, I have an affliction incipient to our kind alone. We just can't resist sparing the hero's life so that we can 'toy' with him later. It is a very foolish streak of ours, yes, but a streak that is unbroken in quite a long time.
"Now, you care for Aeris, do you? You don't want anything bad to happen to her, don't you?"
Cloud gritted his teeth and nodded.
"Ah, I knew you would be reasonable. Now," Sho Tsuzuku bent his head down to Cloud's ear, keeping the crystal in plain view of both of them. "Here is what I want you to do…"
"How cruel, ne?" (from Yuuki)
"I must kill you," Cloud swore fearsomely yet sadly, "I must, or else Aeris will die. Sho Tsuzuku told me that if I killed you all, he will spare her."
"You trust that scum?" Outraged Justine spoke for herself, Athena, Kagura and Sol. "You don't know what you've gotten yourself into, Cloud! Sho Tsuzuku will betray you in the end, count on that! He cannot be trusted!"
"I know," the anguished Soldier returned, "But I have no choice! Better to do what he wants me to do now and know that Aeris is still alive for the moment, alive so that I can save her one day in the future!"
"Cloud," Kagura murmured, knowing how he felt, knowing she felt the same thing for Sol.
"Enough talk." A hand came up to the hilt of his sword threateningly. "I've told you all you need to know. Now, you must die!"
Athena shook her head as she went into her battle pose beside Justine. "If it isn't a crazy outcome, it's a nasty one. When will this ever end?"
"When we beat this guy back to where he came from," the girl who was once Justice said sadly. "We have to protect ourselves… and Sol…"
"I don't need no protecting," grumbled Sol from the pool. He didn't want to go out and fight –despite himself– because he was still naked and couldn't find his clothes.
Several miles away, fan girls are quarreling over his clothes and watching him intently with binoculars, drooling and giggling all the way.
Then, to their surprise, Kagura stepped up beside them as well. "Kagura-chan will protect Sol-kun from the fallen Soldier. Kagura-chan will save Sol-kun."
"Stay out of my way, Kagura," Cloud murmured. "You do not know what evil will come out of this."
Kagura made a face at him as answer.
"You asked for it." Behind Cloud, five evil shadows appeared, their netherworld powers of destruction immense and palpable. All three girls fell back in horror at the sight of–
"Teletubbies in dominatrix outfits and strap-on dildoes!"
"I did not have anything to do with this idea. Honest. It was foisted on me by my friends. We needed an evil flunky for Sho Tsuzuku, something so evil that everyone will be appalled –or not. Please don't flame me."
The very depressed Sheo Darren sighed. "I'm getting too old for this; I need a girl friend," he said, then instantly regretted it as over two dozen girls began pestering him to choose one of them as his girlfriend.
The evil Teletubbies chased Kagura away, leaving Justine and Athena to deal with Cloud. In the background, Sol was swearing loudly as he couldn't find his clothes.
"Well," Athena said gamely as she put out her sword and shield, "We can still beat you by ourselves."
"Now would be a good time to call on that power the Wanderer was telling us about." Justine stuck her hand inside the Angelring's mouth and groped within for the item that the swordsman in black had told them lied inside the critter. Her hand found something small within, and then the Gear girl looked startled as she pulled out an odd but familiar object. "Eh?"
"What's that?" Before Justine could stop her or dodge, Athena poked a finger at the item the former held in her hands.
"Oh, no…"
The two girls found their forefingers trapped inside that odd thing, effectively binding them together. When they tried to pull their hands away, the thing held firmly and would not budge.
Athena was holding her sword as if to try cutting them free, but Justine warned her, "If you cut that thing and I lose a finger, I'll kill you long before Cloud does."
The Goddess singer hewed at the thing with all her might, but her blade bounced off it harmlessly.
"It appears that your saving grace does not amount to much." So saying, Cloud drew his sword. "You will now face death."
Athena screamed and clutched at her heart at the sight of Cloud's sword, as if stricken with some sort of evil. Though Justine wasn't as severely affected, she clearly felt the sheer negative energy that radiated from the sinister weapon reaching out to her.
"That's–" Athena was having a hard time breathing, much less talking. "That's–"
"The Kamigami." Even Cloud seemed wary of his own weapon, and for good reason. "It is the dark sword of Eden's Boy Godslayer, Spike Randit, the blade that can kill a God. The mere sight of it alone strikes terror into hearts of Gods –and Goddesses…"
Indeed, the Kamigami was paralyzing Athena into helplessness. "Justine… gomennasai… I cannot… to fight… such evil…"
"Oh, when all else fails, put the Gear girl up front," grumbled Justine unhappily as Cloud prepared to attack and the helpless Athena was weighing her down like May's anchor tied around a suicidal person's neck before the plunge.
* * *
And for today's dose of totally useless senseless random death, a hallmark of this story:
The Purple Dinosaur had just emerged from his respawn point. Wary of Taka Ichiko or any of his treacherous companions from Roen on the loose, the Barney clone (this story abounds with clones: Justine, Kyo, Robo Ky, Jackie, Nazareth) peered around the area carefully before deciding it was safe enough.
"Evil Sheo Darren messes my life up every time I appear in this fan fiction. The GTA hospital is making millions out of me every time I respawn there."
Then he saw the girl.
The girl was cute, looked fifteen, was dressed in a schoolgirl uniform, and had her hair tied in two pigtails on top of her head like a TV antenna. (American audiences who are young and who are used to cable and high tech machinery wonder what a TV antenna is.) She also had weird little tube-shaped earrings that were on closer examination some sort of advanced minicomputers.
"Sheo-sama?" the girl was calling out. "Sheo-sama? Where are you, Sheo-sama?" When she saw the Purple Dinosaur, she went over to him and asked, "Excuse me, mister, but do you know where Sheo-sama is?"
Knowing how the characters Sheo Darren keeps inserting into the story tend to beat his ass out, the Purple Dinosaur recoiled away. "Get away from me, you creation of evil!"
The girl stared at him, eyes filling up with tears. "Purple Dinosaur-sama… hidoi… hidoi desu…"
In the Sony testing laboratory, home of many high tech doodads and the heroic Playstation 2, the last fighting a successful war against the gaming world domination evils of Bill Gates and Microsoft's X-Box:
"Remember how we never finished working on the Ping-EDS's algorithms on dealing with rejection? I just ran a simulation."
"Wow. They can do that?"
"Lift and throw buses? Yeah. Cool, isn't it?"
On the horizon, there is a small nuclear explosion. The Roen gang sees it.
"Riel?"
"Again?"
"Yes."
"Wonder what got him?"
"Probably some unspeakable horror Sheo devised."
"Aye."
Ping-chan –the cute Sony SEV 44936 'Ping' Emotional Doll System of Megatokyo fame– looked around naively after dusting the remains of the Purple Dinosaur.
"Tohya-kun? Sheo-sama? Where are you?"
* * *
Meanwhile, the horrifying Teletubbies were chasing after Kagura, the latter properly frightened out of her wits.
"Sol-kun! Help me!"
"I can't find my damn clothes… censored…"
"Hug! Hug! Dominate! laughs out loud Dildoe Missile Launch!"
The resulting explosion threw Kagura to the ground, knocking her unconscious.
Sol saw all that. Suddenly, a rage built rapidly in his heart, a rage like Millia confronted with Zato One, a rage like Iori versus Kyo, Terry versus whatever boss of Fatal Fury he faced, Ryu versus Shin Akuma, Sonic versus Robotnik, Largo versus Tohya Miho. Suddenly, he was clad in dark blue special operations uniform, a mullet beard on his face and a grim look to boot. Sol became–
"Don't you even dare, you–"
SOL-ID SNAKE!
"I freakin' hate you."
But there was no time to complain. Consigned with his new role and powers, Sol-id Snake pulled out his Famas and Socom and began opening fire, raking the Teletubbies with Nikita missiles and Stinger rounds. He then detonated a C4 charge he had planted on Po's knee, blowing the joint apart.
"Aw, censored!" the red Teletubby screamed as it fell to its death.
"Run out of ammo, you censored!" Lala screeched as the Famas sliced it apart. "Why won't you run out of ammo!"
Sol-id Snake took a moment to tap the Gear Control Cell on his forehead –now looking suspiciously like Snake's Bandanna– before resuming his attack. He killed Dipsy with the Sniper Rifle he had stolen off Sniper Wolf, leaving Tinky Winky all alone now.
"Three down, one last to go."
Tinky Winky laughed in a suddenly familiar British voice. "I don't think so, brother."
Sol-id Snake blinked, then he groaned. "Sheo, you sick bastard…"
Tinky Winky, now Liquid Winky, laughed evilly. "Have at thee." It punched Sol-id Snake, taking out a substantial part of his HP and knocking the hero off the platform. Sol-id Snake managed to get a hold on the platform's edge, though.
"Aw, censored, not this scene again… I hate this part…"
"What's wrong, brother?" Liquid Winky laughed. "Get up."
"I am not gonna do that." Instead, Sol-id Snake pulled out the Socom with one hand and firing at Liquid Winky hanging as he did on the ledge with the other.
"Censored! That's against the rules! You can't use a gun when fighting me!"
In answer, Sol-id Snake tapped the Gameshark at his side before resuming his attack.
Angry, Liqud Winky then summoned a giant robot: Metal Gear Blue, a giant Metal Gear version of Blue from Blues' Clues. But, before it could begin its attack, something invisible suddenly fell on MG Blue's face and began stabbing at it with a sickle whose blade was that of a katana. It was none other than–
"Oy, Chief! Long time!"
In the first substantial role since he appeared randomly in this story, Axl Low –now known as the heroic ninja Brit-Fox–
"That's a silly name, chap. Can't you think of something cooler?"
(In another dimension, Chipp Zanuff was yelling, "I'm supposed to be the Ninja!")
–was taking out Liquid Winky's radar at point blank range. "Danna Ikke! Save Kaguryl, Chief!"
"This is so stupid," Sol-id Snake grumbled, but he did so, picking up Kaguryl (formerly Kagura, now the local Meryl). That was when MG Blue grabbed Axl, dropped him to the ground, and stomped on him.
"This wasn't the way Grayfox died," Axl managed before fainting, even squished as he was.
"Brit-Fox!" Sol-id Snake yelled, then added, "Aw, censored." He pulled out his Codec and dialed in a frequency.
Girl in ADV Hentai Movie: "No, please, Lord Naughtius!! Please… No!! Ahh… Ahn! Oh! Ooh!"
Nanasawa: "… Oh… Wow…"
Hayasaka: "Well, at least the monster seems to always make sure the girls satisfied… That's a lot more I can say about my last few boyfriends…"
Nanasawa: "Erika… You're missing the point…"
Sol-id Snake swore. "Damned Sheo's getting way over the edge with that Megatokyo shit." He dialed the right frequency.
"Good morning," mumbled the voice of depressed Sheo Darren, now SheOtacon. "This is SheOtacon Arms Manufacturing Limited Co., a special contractor of video game and anime action heroes all around the world. Our corporate motto is, 'We make them; you blow stuff up with them, including 'them' items you use and you yourself in the process.' We also think this entire idea is so lame, and so we will now mutter gibberish. Mutter mutter mutter…"
"Hey, SheOtacon. I need more firepower."
"Hold on a second, Sol-id Snake." He could hear the depressed author muttering faintly, "I get a half day's worth of good sleep, and this comes out. Lack of sleep isn't the only factor in insanity anymore…"
A giant robot drops out of the sky. It's none other than–
"Leopaldon?"
Metal Gear Isuka Leopaldon woofed in greeting.
Sol-id Snake grumbled, "It's better than nothing," jumped in, and began pummeling Liquid Winky's MG Blue. The battle between the giant robot dogs was destructive and long, but in the end MG Leopaldon won, chomping MG Blue to death and killing Liquid Winky at last.
As Cloud slammed them around, Justine and Athena were desperately thinking of a way out of this mess. But the binder that held them fast to each other could not be destroyed. They couldn't pull their hands out of it, either, no matter how strong they were. If they didn't think of anything soon, they'd be dead.
And then they could hear the Wanderer speaking to them again, speaking in a memory of the time they were still training, before they sought out the Angelring…
"You girls are pretty powerful in your own rights. But the one department you are lacking in is teamwork."
"What do you mean by that? Isn't the combo attack we pulled on Kagura earlier teamwork?"
"No. Teamwork isn't that. Teamwork entails trust and respect and discipline. It doesn't just combine your powers together; it binds them into a single cohesive unit that will apply strength greater than any of yours against an obstacle.
"You must trust each other. You must become friends. When you are friends, when you trust each other and respect each other, then you can execute true teamwork."
And that message he gave them before he left:
"If you truly need power, then remember this: The trigger of power you will need lies within the Angelring. Put it on. But the trigger will rely on the two of you to supply the power. Nothing more or less than you two will prove to be your saving grace.
And one last sentence echoes within their minds, something the Wanderer admitted he took from Dexter's Laboratory but which he pointed out the truth of it.
"If you pull apart, it holds tight. But come together as good friends do, and then you will be free."
Just like the item that held them together.
They exchanged looks of understanding, then. "We have to move with each other in order to be free."
"We have to move as each other in order to be free."
In the background, the theme Dance Like You Want To Win from Evangelion –the one that was playing when Shinji and Asuka synchronized their moves with each other to defeat the 7th Angel Israfel– begins to play.
Justine and Athena were unstoppable. When Cloud moved to attack one, the other would hit his unprotected side. When he tried to defend against that, the one he was previously attacking used the new opening to hit him. When he cast Shell, the two girls then simultaneously blasted him with their powers, doing big damage even with the protective magic. Confused by the effective tactic, Cloud was being worn down by nonstop action.
In desperation, Cloud cast his ultimate Materia: Knights of the Round. The twelve knights rode out of the gloom, their swords held high and their armor shining bright. But, to Justine and Athena's surprise, the knights did not attack them. Rather, King Arthur turned to Cloud and said, "You have been corrupted by evil, Cloud. You cannot call upon our power anymore. Renounce that evil, and we will be yours to command again."
"Are you all abandoning me?" Cloud was in dark despair. "You would let Aeris die?" In a fit of fury, he summoned all of his power, pouring his very life into the Kamigami sword, unleashing a massive force of evil. "I will never give up! This is for Aeris!"
"Time to finish this," Athena said. Justine nodded. The two girls activated their Instant Kill modes, their aura bright red.
"This is for Sol-chan."
"This is for our own selves."
Athena charged forward. As Cloud struck out wildly, the Kamigami lusting to slay the Goddess girl who defied it, Athena Double Jumped into the air. Overextending himself, his attack having missing its intended target, Cloud was left wide open for Justine –who, using Athena's initial 'fake kamikaze attack' as cover, followed right behind her friend. Catching the blonde Soldier in a tight hug as from her back sprung bright bioorganic Gear wings that propelled her and her target upwards into orbit, Justine glowed bright white. At the same time, Athena riding on Pegasus had followed them up, jumping towards her partner even as her own immense power formed into a massive ball of flaming Psyco energy that engulfed her and her target, merging with Justine's own chi.
"Seraphic Descendant: X-Laser!"
"Deus ex Masta!"
Night turned to day as a new sun came to life in the darkness of space. The clouds fled before the wave of pressure that descended upon the earth.
"Eh? What the heck?"
"Did Riel die again?"
"Nah, he can't respawn that fast. Besides, the explosion was in outer space."
"Are we being invaded?"
When Justine regained consciousness, it was to find her body tired and hurting like hell. Athena was sprawled near her, likewise battered but alive.
"Athena?"
"I'm still alive, is that's what you're asking."
"Where's Cloud?"
From where he lay in a shallow pool of his own blood, Cloud raised his head to see the broken shards of Kamigami shrivel into nothingness. He was bleeding from multiple wounds and he felt every bone in his body was broken. His targets were alive and victorious, already approaching him.
"Cloud-sama, are you okay?"
What a stupid question. They always ask that all the time, even when it's obvious I'm not okay...
"Aeris." Even as Justine and Athena began to do what they could to tend to his wounds, Cloud knew it was over for him and her. "I failed you… Aeris… I'm sorry…" He began to cry.
"Well, well. It appears you failed."
His grin evil, his manner demeaning, Sho Tsuzuku stood before them. "Even after I lent you that evil sword and let my powerful Teletubby minions accompany you, you still failed. I'm very disappointed in you, Cloud Strife." His eyes glowed red as he stared at the broken Soldier. "I'm very disappointed.
"But, he added thoughtfully, "You did sufficiently weaken Justine and Athena enough to put htem at my mercy. In a way, you have succeeded in handing them into death. As we agreed, with your mission comes the price." Sho Tsuzuku held up the sphere containing Aeris' soul and casually tossed it within Cloud's reach. "Say hello to Aeris now. You'll be joining her soon enough, anyway."
With his dwindling strength, Cloud made to reach for the sphere that held Aeris' soul.
Then Sho Tsuzuku cruelly brought his boot to stomp on the sphere, crushing it as he laughed at Cloud's helpless horror.
"You evil Geese Howard look-alike!" Athena snarled in anger.
"Do not push your luck, girl." Sho Tsuzuku smirked. "I can easily obliterate all of you, especially in a state like yours right now. You couldn't even begin to imagine a shadow of a try to stop me."
Justine really wanted to dispute that statement, but she knew the truth of it. All three of them were badly injured and at Sho Tsuzuku's mercy.
"By the way," the villain said, turning his mocking glance back to Cloud. "I forgot to tell you one thing. You die for nothing, Boy Scout. The image of Aeris you saw was just that: An image; an illusion. I never did have Aeris' soul with me. You did my bidding for an empty prize."
In anger, Cloud tried to get up, even as he coughed on blood. "You liar…"
"Thank you. I regard that as a compliment." The ring on Sho Tsuzuku's hand glowed evilly. "And now, I will dispose of you gullible fools. Farewell to you. I hope you enjoy heaven –or hell."
He raised a hand to launch an attack that would destroy them all. The ring glowed bright as the focus of Sho Tsuzuku's power came into it.
"That would be a mistake, Sho Tsuzuku."
The evil power actually paused in uncertainty. Sho Tsuzuku turned to stare at the speaker–
–and was promptly blinded by the light of the sun that was directly behind the latter, effectively obscuring the facial features of this intruder.
"A very good way to hide your identity, if I say so myself. Now, who dares interrupt me in my moment of evil?"
"One who wouldn't even bother to think how pathetic you are, even given this rather interesting situation."
"You don't seem to be Sheo Darren," Sho Tsuzuku said, wary because the speaker wasn't the author of this fan fiction. "So I don't see why you would go around throwing your weight arrogantly as you are doing now."
"But I have much reason to do so," coolly returned the newcomer, "And though I am not Sheo Darren himself, I would warn you that in this fan fiction, I possess as much –nay, I possess even more power than Sheo himself."
To Justine, Athena and Cloud's surprise, Sho Tsuzuku seemed to acknowledge that unspoken fact. "I can feel even the tiny part of your power that you knowingly reveal to me, and it tells me that you are a foe to be reckoned with. But you do not seem hostile to me."
"That, as everything in the world, has circumstances and factors leading to it. Right now, I am not your enemy. But if you continue on with killing these three helpless people, I will be."
"And what is with your protection of them? What reason may you have?"
"Mine own." The newcomer smiled. "Mine own, and no one else's."
Sho Tsuzuku considered the veiled threat seriously.
"By the way," the newcomer then added in a falsely friendly manner. "Your new ward has just been defeated. Your plans are starting to collapse all around you."
The villain's eyes widened. "You speak truth. She has been defeated and turned back towards the side of good." Sho Tsuzuku glared just slightly at the newcomer before turning to Cloud and company. "I would really love to take the time to obliterate you, but fan fiction dimensional domination calls. Consider yourselves lucky, for there will not be mercy the next time.
"And as for you," the villain returned his glance to the newcomer who had balked him, "I will deal with you the next time we meet."
"There will not be a next time."
"Is that a threat?"
"It's a fact." She –the newcomer was a girl from the tone of her voice– spoke evenly and without fear.
Forcing a smirk, Sho Tsuzuku turned away and teleported into the next chapter.
"A-Arigatou…"
"There is no need to thank me." The newcomer glanced at the three people she had saved coolly. "I wouldn't have bothered, normally, but the plot calls for it."
"Who are you?"
Beside them, Cloud seemed to be stricken with some sort of inner peace. "Anata… anata wa…"
"Be at peace, Cloud Strife." She actually smiled at him, however faint it was. "You will live– and perhaps you will see Aeris again in the coming sequel to FF7 that Square is making."
So saying, she turned to leave.
"But who are you?" Justine asked in desperation. "Why did you help us?"
The newcomer paused, and then turned slightly towards them. The sunlight that hid her features reflected upon the spectacles that were precariously balanced upon her face, just the same way a certain author wore them.
"Mine reasons alone. My identity–"
She smiled again.
"–Is not stranger to you at all."
So saying, she left.
"Kaguryl–err: Kagura! Kagura!"
Kagura woke up at that gentle call. She was surprised to find none other than Sol Badguy –still in his Sol-id Snake uniform– holding her very carefully. He looked grumpy but pleased to see her awake. "About censored time," he grumbled. "You took your sweet time getting back, kid. I thought you were dead."
"Are the bad things gone?"
"Yeah. I killed them all."
"But why did you have to kill them?"
"Hey, don't feel sad for those bastards. They had it coming to them for bashing you."
"You killed them because they hurt me?"
"Yeah."
Her brown eyes were filled with happiness and admiration at that. "Sol…"
"Hey, don't get all chummy and sweet on me. I just did what I had to do…"
"Sol… you did that for me? You worried for me?"
Very much unlike himself, Sol sighed. Then he tried on a smile. "Yeah. I did."
Kagura broke into tears and hugged him. To Sol's surprise, he found himself hugging her back.
Behind them, 'Brit-Fox' Axl Low was crying on Metal Gear Isuka Leopaldon's shoulder. "So sweet… reminds me of all those soap operas I used to watch back in the '90s…"
"Woof."
Justine and Athena watched Kagura find the person who was, in Chobits terms, 'her only one'. "Well," the first began, "It looks like Sol made a choice already."
"Aw… we had to do all of that stuff, and then it's for nothing? We don't get Sol at all?"
"Looks like it."
Both girls sighed.
"But," Cloud told them, "You've found something else just as valuable."
They looked at him.
"You've found friendship in each other. In my mind, that's a fair enough exchange."
The girls looked at each other. Then they began to grin.
"I guess so," Athena admitted.
"Maybe," added Justine as a joke.
They clasped hands then hugged each other.
The Purple Dinosaur respawned then and there. "Wow, a yuri coupling!" He grinned crazily. "Sheo really is a repressed pervert, thinking up this thing from scratch..."
Then he remembered that Athena and Justine were right in front of him, looking very unhappy at the implication that they were homo; that Cloud just remembered a hatred of reptiles; that the three of them were very powerful and dangerous when pissed off; and that the Purple Dinosaur would do now what the Purple Dinosaur did best in this story: Die.
"Halo Schneider: Michael Sword!"
"Psyco Sword-Oh!"
"Omni Slash!"
"Aray. 'Pag respawn ko, you are so fscking dedo…"
* * *
It was a happy welcome indeed for the Wanderer when he and Mai arrived at the Ultrasaurus. All the girls flocked out to greet Sheo's swordsman creation and the newest addition to the said author's harem.
But the person who stood out in the crowd, her eyes full of a profound intensity and focused solely upon the Wanderer and no one else, was Kirika Yumura.
The swordsman in black came to a halt, then, and they looked at each other in silence.
"Elde," murmured Kirika almost imperceptibly.
At that mentioned name, the Wanderer broke into a smile of fondness.
"Tadaima, Kirika-kun. I'm home."
He wasn't taken aback at all when Kirika –acting in an uncharacteristic way like none of the girls had ever seen her do before– threw herself on his with all the might in her small frame and hugged him tightly.
"Okaeri, Elde. Okaerinasai."
All the girls cheered and giggled at the heartfelt romantic scene.
And then the Wanderer noticed that there was a pair of eyes glaring at him enviously and angrily, eyes that happened to belong to a certain newly-recovered redhead who happened to like Kirika very much and didn't like to share her with anyone else.
Chloe slowly let a knife fall into her hand as the waves of jealous overcame her. "Omae… omae… omae wo korosu!"
"Uh, oh."
* * *
"Well," Yuuki said as the scene once more refocused upon her, "Since Chloe –here shown trying to waste the Wanderer for all's she's worth– is recovering quite nicely from the P4's infection and should no longer go around saying OMAKE–"
"YUUKI!" protested the chorus of Sheo Darren's harem in the background. "Don't say that word!"
"–And the P4 itself having hacked into TRUE Unknown's server and lodging in there for whatever reason that's come unto it: Anyway, it's up to me again to provide the assessment for the misnamed and ill-used 'Bonus' section.
"This chapter is the longest Sheo has written; the most tragic, but in his thinking, the one out of his recent chapters that approaches the way he wants this fan fiction to be writer: 'Sheo Darren effect'-wise. It will also be the last one for the moment, as far as he is concerned.
"You see, Sheo is a bit frazzled as his finals are approaching. He's got to study a lot, so he won't be updating this fan fiction for perhaps two weeks or more. Thus, the special episode and the new season of this story will also be delayed. The good news, however, is that he will also be postponing his Ragnarok Online gaming for perhaps a week. This should give him more time to write his fan fiction, especially the ones he's left alone for so long.
"Thus, I offer the following teasers as a sort of appeasement to fans of this story who'd kill for the next development, such as Lone Wolf SIX and Person WMA. Our way of saying, 'Please don't kill us, we'll come back eventually'."
"Who is this mysterious girl who poses such a threat to Sho Tsuzuku that rather than fight her openly, he would turn away? Is what she says really true? What did she mean about the next chapter and how she 'is not stranger to you at all'? Is she really more powerful than Sheo Darren? What's with Sheo's new headquarters and new set of girls, too? Why is it that The Wedding Night is turning more serious, bloody and shounen?
"And in the next episode of this story: The power of the evil Mistress against the power of the cross-dresser, a huge war, the background to the romance of Bridget and May, and a farewell to an especially annoying evil! Plus: Finally, the return of Sheo Darren! (Honestly, he's really returning now. We promise.) Watch for it!
"Until then, stand by for the next developments! Read and review!"
* * *
Framed by the horizon, the newcomer smiles mysteriously. "Humanda na kayo.?"