Ich Werde Dir Immer Verzeihen

Chapter 7: Remember Me
It was past nine, so the trailer was closed for business. Ken, Omi, and Yoji sat around in the main section, none of them daring to speak. Ran's sudden decision to leave Tokyo the next morning did not sit very well with them. He stood in the doorway, his cold eyes fixed on the others.

Ran's cell phone began ringing. He turned it on and held it up to his ear. "Hello?" he greeted into the mouthpiece.

"Hi, this is Sakura's mother," the person on the other line greeted back. "Schuldig-san took Sakura to a nearby dance club, but they haven't come back yet, and it's getting very late. Did they come to visit you?"

Ran gripped the phone tighter. "No, they aren't here," he said as calmly as possible. "But we'll look for them."

"I will, too," Sakura's mother replied. "Oh, I hope Sakura's all right. 'Bye."

"I hope so too," Ran said as the older woman hung up. He turned off his cell phone and faced the other three florists. "I knew I couldn't trust that Schuldig," the redhead began. "Listen, Sakura has gone missing, but we are going to find her." And Schuldig will have hell to pay, he added as an afterthought.

o o o o o o

This wasn't what Sakura had expected. But she supposed she kind of liked it. The lights were dimmed to give the room a more "romantic" feeling, and Schuldig was being very gentle with his kissing. Plus, for the first time, she had kissed him. He seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed that. For that instant, Sakura wished that she were a telepath to see just how much Schuldig had enjoyed that. Although, that kind of "enjoyment" was probably indescribable.

They were lying in the bed on their sides, peacefully staring at each other. For the most part, they were still clothed. Schuldig had, however, taken off his shirt to try to invoke some "excitement" from Sakura. She desperately tried not to stare at his chest, but it was so well-muscled with smooth, creamy skin.

Schuldig reached out and gently grabbed Sakura's hand. "It's all right," he assured in a heated voice, placing her hand on his left shoulder. "You can touch me."

Sakura blushed slightly. She laid her other hand on Schuldig's right shoulder and pulled herself closer. "I don't know how I should feel," she confessed, resting her head on his chest. "At first, I thought you were just some manipulative murderer, but now that we're like this, you don't seem so evil."

Schuldig lovingly ran his fingers through Sakura's brown hair and kissed her forehead. "I haven't changed at all," he whispered softly. "Love can't change someone like me. You should know that. You still fear that I'm gonna become abusive."

"That's not true!" Sakura corrected, her voice defensive. "I trust you, Schuldig-san!"

"I'm not blaming you," Schuldig said. "You have reason to fear that. I have hurt you a lot. It seems that every time I try to be affectionate toward you, I just end up hurting you."

Sakura sighed heavily. "Schuldig-san, I won't deny that you've hurt me, and I've been angry about it," she began. "But even though I hated it, I understood why you hurt me. I hurt you first, and that made you angry." She paused uneasily. "You thought I still had feelings for Ran-san, and you were afraid I would leave you."

"Yes, that's all true," Schuldig confirmed, slowly nodding his head. "I tried to convince you that Ran didn't care for you so that you would forget about him. I wanted you all for myself. I was so jealous and possessive, I didn't care if I had to hurt you to make you mine."

Schuldig held Sakura tighter in his arms. "No one thinks I can love you," he remembered. "They all think I want to control you, and to rape you. But all I want is to prove them wrong."

Sakura looked up at Schuldig. "Schuldig-san…" she whispered, a soft smile on her face.

Schuldig cupped Sakura's face in his hands. "I love you, Sakura," he repeated before tenderly easing his lips over hers.

o o o o o o

Ran pulled his car up into the parking lot of the dance club. Before jumping to any conclusions, he wanted to make sure that Sakura hadn't merely lost track of time. Although, somehow he felt that wasn't the case at all.

Ran stepped out of his car and descended the stairs to the entrance of the dance club. The inside was packed with dancing couples, but Ran could clearly see that neither Sakura nor Schuldig was here.

He leaned against the wall and sighed heavily. Why was he being so paranoid? Maybe Schuldig and Sakura had just wanted to have some more fun, but not in a suggestive manner. After all, Ran had no proof that Schuldig wanted to control Sakura. There was always the slim chance that Schuldig had changed over the two years. It wasn't entirely impossible for Schuldig to sincerely love Sakura.

However, Ran couldn't bring himself to trust Schuldig. Still, Sakura trusted Schuldig, and that was what should've mattered.

Ran didn't accept that, though. He didn't want Sakura to trust Schuldig. And not just because he was fearful for her safety.

So, exactly why didn't he want Sakura to trust Schuldig? It was her choice, after all. So why? Ran asked himself that over and over as loud music filled his ears.

Then it hit him. Was it because he was jealous?

o o o o o o

Schuldig nuzzled the side of Sakura's neck lovingly as she wrapped her arms securely around his back. This was actually rather pleasant. He was more affectionate now, and he seemed to know exactly how to make her feel loved. He was a telepath, after all. But, Sakura had a bit of an uncomfortable feeling in her gut that she didn't quite understand.

Schuldig pulled himself up and looked down on Sakura. He was on top of her, straddling her hips with his knees. "I love it when you're not worried," he admitted quietly, sliding his hands up Sakura's arms to her shoulders. "It makes me happy." He spread his arms out and enclosed the girl's hands in his. Their fingers intertwined warmly.

Schuldig relaxed his arm muscles and rested his head on Sakura's soft chest. He listened to the smooth rhythm of her heart. "Wouldn't it be nice if we could share our heartbeats?" he wondered. "Their rhythms would be as one, and it would be soothing to hear." He cuddled with Sakura more. "I want to share everything with you, Geliebte. Your happiness, your sorrow, all your emotions…"

Sakura clutched Schuldig's hands tighter and gently kissed the top of his head. She didn't trust herself to speak. She was afraid she would just end up ruining the moment. She released one of Schuldig's hands so she could curl her arm against his back. She then buried her face in his orange hair.

Schuldig wrapped his free hand around the back of Sakura's head. He softly kissed Sakura's jaw line. "I could ask what you think of me, but I would rather read your mind," he began lazily. "When you verbally admit your feelings, you aren't always honest. Sometimes it's unintentional, but sometimes you lie to avoid hurting another person." He brushed his lips up against the side of Sakura's face. "I wanted you to feel a certain way toward me. I could have controlled those feelings, but I decided not to. It wouldn't have been quite as much…'fun.' Sakura, I love you, and you know that. But where's the fun if the two people in the relationship don't share the same love?" His grin became a smirk.

"Schuldig-san…?" Sakura finally dared to speak.

"Sakura, there is something I wish for you to do," the German continued, his icy blue eyes gleaming. "Ich wünsche, daß du mich lieben würde."

Sakura's breathing became stiff. What did Schuldig mean by that? What did he wish for her to do? And exactly what did he mean by wanting her to feel a certain way toward him?

"You might even fall in love with me."

Sakura suddenly remembered Schuldig saying that before he had confessed his love to her. It was all so obvious now. Schuldig wanted Sakura to love him. It was what any person in love wanted. After all, Sakura had wanted that when she had been in love with Ran.

Schuldig hoisted himself up and cupped Sakura's chin in his hand. "You're all I ever wanted," he said, "and now I can finally have you." He ran his fingers through Sakura's hair and brushed his cheek against hers. "Sakura, you will be mine," he whispered into Sakura's ear. He then lightly nibbled her earlobe with his lips.

Sakura's heartbeat quickened. Schuldig was now tenderly licking her cheek, as if he was tasting her. He slid his hand up her waist as he shifted his body weight so that it was more centered. He gripped Sakura's arms tightly and kissed her full on the mouth. But the way he was kissing her now, he was acting so hungry. This kiss wasn't as 'innocent' as Sakura wanted. It was quite suggestive, if not a bit sexual. Schuldig grew more fervent as his "playfulness" turned rough.

o o o o o o

The song was "Remember Me" by Leslie Parrish. It was like a mixture of rock and techno. However, despite its active beat, its lyrics were quite the contrary.

Ran leaned on the counter as he wanted for his drink. He was still in the dance club. He knew that he should've been looking for Sakura and Schuldig, but half of him was afraid. What if Sakura was happy being with Schuldig? Ran was being selfish, but he just didn't want his heart to be broken.

"You took away my chance to be with you forever…"

The refreshments man handed Ran an iced tea. "Here you go, son," he presented. "So, what's wrong? You seem depressed."

"I'm fine," Ran assured emotionlessly, accepting his iced tea.

"To be your love and stay together…"

Ran quietly sipped his drink. He remembered how far he would go to protect Sakura from Schuldig. He had been willing to return to the life of an assassin. What a fool he was. That hadn't been worth getting his inner murderer worked up. Besides, he had been trying to put all that behind him.

"You gave away the precious love that we had to somebody else…"

God, why did he think of Sakura all the time now? What was so special about her? She looked like his sister. So what? She wasn't his sister. Still, was she the cause of the emptiness inside his heart?

"Oh baby, I wanna tell you…"

The truth then became clear in his mind. He was in love with Sakura. And he was jealous of Schuldig. He wanted Sakura's love, and to give her his love in return.

"Remember me, remember everything we used to be…"

But he didn't deserve Sakura. No matter what he did, he couldn't leave his past behind. It would be a shadow that would follow him around for eternity. Also, he had ignored the young girl for two years. But before that, he had always pushed her away. He had told her that he didn't deserve to be loved. Now, Sakura had given her love to someone else. And Schuldig returned that love.

"Can you feel my heart pounding, pounding?"

Ran paid for his drink and stood up. He should at least confirm that Sakura was safe, he figured. He left the dance club, trying to suppress his feelings for Sakura.

o o o o o o

At first glance, Crawford seemed like the type of person who stood alone. He cared for no one, and he needed no one. But that was only on the surface.

Crawford sat in the starry-vortex room as he mused about his feelings. He had tried his hardest to suppress them, but they had been too strong. They were beginning to affect his personality, and how he did things.

He had warned both Schuldig and Sakura about his prediction, but not out of spite or cruelty. Like he had told Sakura, if only she would be hurt, then he couldn't care less. But it wasn't like that. Schuldig would also be hurt by this relationship. He would mistake lust for love, try to force Sakura into doing something she didn't want to, and end up hurting both her and himself.

Crawford let out a light sigh. He had warned Sakura to stay away with Schuldig, and even threatened her, but she had not heeded his warnings. Oh, he could always have killed her, but then Schuldig would not be too pleased. No matter how hard Crawford tried to deny it, Schuldig was sincerely in love with Sakura. And if she was hurt, he was hurt.

But in the end, it wouldn't work out. Crawford did not want to see Schuldig hurt, but he could not see an easy solution to this problem. The only "solution" would be his prediction, and that would only result in more pain.

But then again, that also meant Schuldig's and Sakura's relationship would fall apart. And yet, jealous as he was of Sakura, Crawford didn't want to win Schuldig in such a disgusting manner. In all honesty, he didn't want to see Schuldig in such pain. But it seemed as if it was inevitable.

If only Crawford hadn't been so jealous…

o o o o o o

Omi met up with Ken. Omi was on his scooter, while Ken was driving his motorcycle. Omi hopped off his scooter and ran up to Ken. "Have you found Sakura-chan yet?" he asked the soccer player.

Ken shook his head. "I'll keep looking," he promised. "Hey, do you really think Sakura's in danger?"

"We don't know that," Omi reminded. "That's why to have to find Sakura-chan; to make sure she's safe."

"Of course," Ken replied, nodding his head. "God, I hope Schuldig hasn't done anything to her."

Omi got back on his scooter. "I'll see if Yoji-kun found out anything," he decided. "See ya, Ken-kun." He started up the engine and drove off.

"For Ran's sake, Sakura had better be okay," Ken whispered softly. He knew Ran was taking his the hardest. He just prayed that Ran didn't do anything rash or reckless.

o o o o o o

Sakura wasn't enjoying his affections now, Schuldig noticed. In fact, she seemed scared. Why would that be? Even though he had grown more passionate, he was still being very gentle. It was hard to find a reason through all those muddled thoughts.

Schuldig took his hands off Sakura and rolled over onto his side. "What's wrong, Geliebte?" he asked kindly. "You seem discontent."

"Geliebte," Sakura repeated meekly. "What does that mean?"

"It's German," Schuldig answered, pulling himself nearer to Sakura. "It means lover." However, he did not mention that the word wasn't as innocent as one would have expected.

Sakura somehow knew, though. She lowered her cherry blossom eyes from Schuldig's ice blue eyes. She now seemed more discontent than just a few minutes ago.

Schuldig sighed heavily. "Please tell me what's wrong," he requested, very slowly placing himself on top of Sakura. He lightly kissed her forehead. "I can't stand it when you're like this."

"I'm sorry," Sakura apologized, laying her hands on Schuldig's bare shoulders. "It's just that…" She trailed off sadly. She didn't have the heart to finish.

But she didn't have to. The rest was clear in her mind. Of course, Schuldig was none too pleased. "Sakura, am I making you uncomfortable?" he wanted to know, cupping her face in his hands.

"It's just that this is all happening so fast," Sakura said, still not making eye contact with Schuldig. "We've only been going out for a little over a month and already we're doing something like this."

"Sakura, we're not doing anything wrong," Schuldig reassured, using one hand to brush Sakura's bangs from her forehead and placing his other hand on her shoulder. "C'mon, this is supposed to be enjoyable." He slid his hand down to her breast.

Sakura's breathing became stiff. She didn't want Schuldig to touch her like that. Of course, he wasn't really touching her in that sense, but still, it frightened her.

"Mm…you're very soft," Schuldig noticed as he clutched Sakura tighter. He lowered the turtleneck collar of Sakura's shirt and then he gently kissed her throat as he slowly made his way up to her lips. His affections would make her feel better. They were what she wanted. She was falling in love with him.

But Sakura really didn't want this. Schuldig shoved her harder down on the bed as his "affections" became more fervent. He then started licking her face and nibbling her earlobe while he slid his hands down her body. She wanted to push him away, but she couldn't do it. Stop it, please, she begged, hoping Schuldig would hear her thoughts. I don't want this…

It hurts, it hurts… You're hurting me…

If Schuldig heard Sakura's plead, he made no sign. He slithered his hands under her back and he eased his mouth over hers. But this kiss was lustful, like it was a grotesque disregard for the young girl's innocence. He moved his hands up her back and brought her closer.

Once more he ran his hands over Sakura's breasts. She tried to seize his wrists, but he grabbed her arms and pinned them to her sides. "Come now, don't be like that," he ordered lazily. Very slowly, he released the girl's arms and slid his hands over her breasts up to her shoulders.

Schuldig grinned wickedly as he rubbed his cheek beside Sakura's. He leisurely moved his hands down her sides to her waist. Just the tips of his fingers found their way under her shirt. He relaxed his body and his chest crushed against Sakura's. "Don't be afraid," he whispered into her ear, his voice low and heated. "You'll love this. I promise." Harshly, he pushed his lips over Sakura's, more out of hunger than love. Then he sharply drew his head back as his knees tightened around Sakura's hips.

And then again, he kissed her. And like with before, his kiss was overly sexual. It seemed to on forever, as his lips were interlocked with hers. It was like they didn't want to let go.

Soon, Schuldig reluctantly took his lips off Sakura's to get a breath of air, but before Sakura could do the same, Schuldig once more he had his lips on hers. But this time he slipped some tongue into her mouth. He licked the insides of her lips as his hands went further up under her shirt, uncomfortably close to her bra.

Finally Sakura could take no more. She placed her hand on Schuldig's face and pushed him away. "Stop it!" she ordered, tears forming in her pink eyes. "You're hurting me!"

"You will emotionally and physically hurt Miss Sakura when you think she wants something when it's just you who wants it."

Crawford's prediction came rushing back to Schuldig. Crawford had been correct. Sakura didn't want any of this at all; it was just Schuldig who wanted this, but he had convinced himself otherwise. And now he had hurt Sakura. She was crying, failing miserably at holding back her tears. It was all Schuldig's fault. He had nearly raped her.

Or else he did rape her. But whether or not this counted as "rape," he no longer had any right to say he loved Sakura.

Schuldig stood up and turned his back to Sakura. "I'll take you home now," he decided, picking up his shirt. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Schuldig-san…" Sakura whispered softly, trying to wipe away her tears.

Schuldig said nothing in reply. His mind was in total astray, and his heart felt like it had been torn apart. He didn't want to be in the same room as Sakura anymore. But he at least had to take her home. He would leave her afterwards. She was far better off without him.

What a fool Schuldig had been, thinking he could sincerely love someone.

Translation notes:
Ich wünsche, daß du mich lieben würde: I wish that you would love me