Ich Werde Dir Immer Verzeihen
Chapter 8: Farewell, Miserable Dreams
Schuldig had gone and done it. He had completely screwed up his relationship with Sakura. It was a wonder she just didn't run off, frightened. Somehow, he would have preferred that. Sakura was so quiet and still it was almost nerve-wrecking. She had not said a word since Schuldig had started driving her home.
Schuldig was not looking forward to reaching Sakura's house. Mostly likely her mother would begin asking him awkward questions, and the last thing he wanted was to mention what he had done to Sakura.
He stole a glance over at Sakura. Her cherry blossom eyes were still blood-shot from crying. She was still only a child, Schuldig thought. With him being an adult, what he had done would most definitely be considered as "rape." Suddenly, he stopped the car.
"Sakura, I'm so sorry," Schuldig apologized, his voice calm, yet sad. "I never meant to fulfill Crawford's prediction. Once I drop you off, I'm leaving you for good."
"Wait, Schuldig-san-" Sakura began worriedly, but Schuldig interrupted her.
"It's for the best," Schuldig continued on. "Every time I say I won't hurt you, I do. I'm just some cruel sadist. I've been that way for so long. It's too late for me to change." He let out a depressed sigh. "I knew you wanted me to stop. I heard those thoughts. They hurt me, and yet I didn't stop. Truth is, a part of me enjoyed hurting you." Another depressed sigh. "I don't want to confront your mother, but I can't let you walk home by yourself this late."
"Hey, there's Yoji-san…" Sakura whispered unexpectedly, looking out the window.
Schuldig looked up, and saw the strange car that could only belong to Kudou Yoji. "How convenient," he remarked, smirking. He turned to face Sakura and cupped her chin in his hand. More out of instinct than fear, she slapped his hand away and flinched back. "Should've expected that," Schuldig mumbled. "You're so scared of me, you won't even let me touch you. If I were to kiss you now, you'd expect me to stick my tongue in your mouth, right?"
"I'm sorry…" was Sakura's only reply, although her eyes answered the question.
Schuldig sighed again. "Just remember that I sincerely love you," he requested in a quiet voice. He turned his face from Sakura's. "Well, good-bye, my love." He didn't use Geliebte because it also carried a touch of adultery in German. He had originally used it to mock the girl's old feelings for Ran. Just his cruel nature rearing its ugly head.
Sakura's mind felt as if it was torn in two. She didn't want Schuldig to leave, but she also agreed that it was for the best. She had grown frightened of him. "I'm sorry, Schuldig-san," she repeated meekly. Without glancing at Schuldig, she got out of his car.
Schuldig smiled softly as he watched Yoji get out of his own car and step up to Sakura. He thought about the first and only time the young girl had kissed him. It had been quite an unexpected kiss. Schuldig had taken his lips off Sakura's when she had suddenly pressed her lips against his. He savored every moment of that kiss. Just for that second, she had been in love with him.
But now, because of Schuldig's lustful desires, she no longer was. Still, as the saying went, "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." He slightly shook his head and then drove off, leaving Sakura alone with Yoji.
o o o o o o
Crawford was becoming sloppy, Farfarello noticed. Crawford had forgotten to restrain the Farfarello in a straitjacket for the night. Farfarello had decided to take advantage of this freedom and he was now going around and killing Christian priests. Schuldig had promised to join him, but as Farfarello already suspected, Schuldig could hardly be trusted to keep promises.
Farfarello stabbed his short knife into the priest's throat and then immediately jerked it out. Blood flew from the priest's throat as his dead body hit the hard floor. He had died too quickly for Farfarello's tastes.
Servants of God were so foolish, Farfarello thought as he looked up at the large crystal crucifix. They devoted their lives to God, but He never did anything to repay them. He just let them suffer and wither away. A boy named Jei once believed in God, but the Almighty just took his family away. Now Jei was dead.
Farfarello kicked the priest's dead body and then left the small church. He thought about how bored he was as he walked down the dark street. This "freedom" wasn't very satisfying. It had just been a result of Crawford's forgetfulness.
And that was the problem right there. Crawford was never forgetful. Something was wrong with him. Probably because of Schuldig.
Not that Farfarello cared or anything. He just wanted to get as much out of this "freedom" as he could.
As Farfarello was wandering around, his cat-like eyes fixed themselves on two people standing in front of the stone gate for a small house. The boy had dark hair was he was dressed almost entirely in black. The girl had aqua blue hair and she clutched a raggy stuffed bunny to her chest. She seemed perky and cheerful.
Farfarello grinned insanely. He now realized what the source of the problem was.
Nagi was rubbing off too much on Crawford and Schuldig.
o o o o o o
"Sakura, are you all right?" Yoji asked worriedly as he quickly stepped up to Sakura.
"Yeah…" Sakura assured in a quiet voice. "Can you take me home?"
Yoji smiled softly. "Sure," he said. He led Sakura to his car and they both got in. Yoji then started up the engine. Sakura's heart was racing uncontrollably, and she didn't understand why.
Why did Sakura feel so nervous around Yoji now? He was a nice guy, if a bit perverted. But he would never try anything on an unwilling woman, especially not one who was underage. Maybe she was still shaken up by what had happened with Schuldig.
Sakura's heart skipped a beat as soon as she remembered what Schuldig had said about Yoji. Yoji strangled women after he was done with them. No, that wasn't true. Schuldig had been lying. He was just being jealous and possessive then. Still, the young girl couldn't help but feel a little frightened of Yoji…
No, Yoji-san's a good person, Sakura told herself. She couldn't let herself think differently because of what Schuldig had done. But it wasn't like he had actually raped her or anything, she continued to tell herself.
"So, what happened?" Yoji wondered, his voice gentle. "Schuldig didn't try to hurt you, did he?"
"No, no, he didn't!" Sakura corrected defensively. "We just lost track of time, that's all!" She breathed heavily, and her heart beat loudly.
Somehow, Yoji didn't believe Sakura. If she had merely lost track of time, then why did she seem so shaken up? Also, why did she want Yoji to drive her home? Shouldn't Schuldig have been doing that? "Sakura, I won't force the truth out of you," Yoji began, "but if Schuldig raped you, then I need to know!"
"Schuldig-san did NOT rape me!" Sakura yelled, about to cry from anger. "Why is everyone expecting that? He's a good person, and he really does love me." Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "Why can't you trust him?"
Yoji sighed. "Look, I'm sorry if I offended you," he apologized. "But I just can't forgive him for all the things he's done." He reached out and laid his hand on Sakura's shoulder. Instinctively, she jerked back, seemingly scared of someone touching her. Yoji appeared to be surprised at this action, as well as a little hurt.
"Sorry," Sakura said timidly, wrapping her arms protectively around her body. "I just don't want to talk about it, but it's nothing for you to worry about."
Yoji wiped away one of Sakura's tears. She flinched, but only slightly. "It's okay, I understand," he replied in a kind voice. "I won't tell Ran what happened."
"Thank you…" Sakura whispered vaguely, a small smile on her sad lips.
She and Yoji drove in silence until they reached Sakura's house. There, the blond playboy said, "Hey, me and the other florists are leaving Tokyo tomorrow. Why don't you come over and say good-bye? You can also invite Aya and Momoe-san."
"Sure," Sakura promised. She stepped out of Yoji's car and went up to the door of her house. She knocked, and her mother answered. They exchanged a few words, and Sakura walked into her house, closing the door behind her.
Yoji laid his head back and looked up at the starry night sky. He had a pretty good idea of what had happened between Schuldig and Sakura. While Schuldig didn't do anything that could be considered as "rape," he had obviously emotionally hurt Sakura in some way. And it was even more obvious that she had been affected quite deeply. Yoji prayed that she would be all right as he drove off.
o o o o o o
"We had fun today!" said the only surviving member of Schreient, Tot, as she grinned widely. "Didn't we, Rabbi-chan?"
"Yes, we had lotsa fun!" she added, this time pretending it was her stuffed bunny talking.
Nagi smiled softly. "I'm happy," he admitted, enjoying Tot's innocence and cheerfulness. "I hope we can see each other again soon."
Tot's grin became wider. "Me too!" she agreed. "See ya, Nagi-kun!" She gave Nagi a kiss on the cheek before she stepped through the stone gate of her house.
"'Bye, Tot," Nagi whispered quietly. He turned around, and then found himself face-to-face with Farfarello.
"Hello, little Nagi," Farfarello greeted, smirking insanely.
"What are you doing here?" Nagi asked coldly. "Aren't you supposed to be restrained in your straitjacket?"
"Crawford forgot," Farfarello told Nagi. "He's thinking about Schuldig too much, just like you're thinking about that Schreient girl too much."
"Whatever," Nagi retorted, running his fingers through his black hair. "Crawford just isn't able to fully understand his emotions."
Farfarello laughed cruelly. "You're also rubbing off on Schuldig," he added. "But unlike you, he actually knows how to use his special 'gift.' He knows how to really 'love' someone."
"You have no idea what 'love' is, do you?" Nagi assumed. "All you want is to give birth to the Anti-Christ. But Schuldig isn't like you."
"You've forgotten Crawford's prediction, haven't you?" Farfarello guessed, the grin vanishing from his lips. "Schuldig is going to rape that girl. Does that count as love to you? Are you going to rape Tot because you love her?"
Nagi was growing angry, but he kept his telekinesis in check. "Rape is not love," he reminded, his voice monotone. "And Crawford never said anything about Schuldig raping Sakura." He shrugged his small shoulders. "But so what? It's not like I care about either of them. I'm going home now. You might want to as well, if you don't want Crawford to be angry."
Farfarello said nothing in reply, but he did agree with Nagi about going home. He really didn't care if Crawford would be angry, but he had grown bored of his cheap "freedom."
o o o o o o
The next day.
It was a cool, quiet summer day. It was early morning, and it felt quite lazy. The former members of Weiß stood outside their trailer. They all silently agreed that they wanted to reminisce a little longer before they left Tokyo.
Omi leaned against the side of the trailer. He and the other florists were probably never going to return to Tokyo ever again. Somehow, he was saddened. He actually felt comfortable here. While Tokyo was home to many of his painful memories, it was also home to many of his precious memories. Tokyo was where he first met his first love, Sakaki Ouka. Then he had found out she was his half-sister. But, it was also here in Tokyo she had been taken away forever, just like the other members of his family.
"You look deep in thought," Yoji noticed about Omi. "What are you thinking about?"
"The past," Omi answered vaguely. "You know, I'm gonna miss this place when we leave."
"I won't," Ken admitted curtly. "I hate this place. We've killed too many people here."
Ran remained silent. For the most part, he agreed with Ken, but he did think that Omi had a point. There were a few things the redhead would miss, such as his loved ones.
Especially Sakura. The thought crept into his mind suddenly. He shook his head slightly to get rid of it.
"Hey, what are they doing here?" Ken asked, breaking Ran's train of thought.
Ran looked up. In front of him and the others stood Momoe, Aya, and Sakura.
"I invited them," Yoji answered, a sly smile on his lips. "I thought it would be nice to see them before we left Tokyo."
"Yoji…" Ran hissed sharply. He had wanted to leave quietly, without any surprises.
"Brother?" Aya said gently, stepping up to Ran.
"Aya," Ran replied as he lost his cold demeanor.
Aya smiled softly. "I'm happy I could see you again," she confessed. "I haven't seen you for four years." She let out a sigh. "I want to know how you've been, but it's been very painful, hasn't it?"
"Aya…" Ran laid his hands on his sister's shoulders and pulled her close. She returned his embrace. "I missed you so much," he said, pressing Aya's hair against the nape of her neck. "I'm glad I could see you one last time."
"One last time?" Aya repeated, becoming worried. "You mean you're leaving Tokyo for good?"
Ran nodded grimly. "You know I would rather stay here with you, but I can't," he confirmed. "Please understand."
Aya's arms tightened around her brother's back. "I understand," she finally replied. "Just please don't forget me. I'll always remember you, Ran."
"I won't forget you, either," Ran promised, lightly kissing Aya's forehead. "I love you, Aya."
"And I love you too," Aya reminded, stepping back. "I'll let Sakura-chan talk to you now. Make her happy, brother." She went over to join Momoe, who was talking with Ken, Omi, and Yoji.
Ran turned to face Sakura. "Hello, Sakura," he greeted emotionlessly.
"Hi, Ran-san," Sakura replied, looking down at her feet. "Yoji-san told me that you were leaving today, so I wanted to patch things up first. Ran-san, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened since you came back to Tokyo! I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did…"
"No, I should be the one apologizing for hurting you," Ran corrected. "It's true that I didn't trust Schuldig, but that wasn't the only reason I hated seeing him with you. You see, I was also jealous of him."
Sakura looked up into Ran's pale violet eyes. "Ran-san?" she whispered.
"It was only yesterday when I fully understood my own feelings," Ran continued, his voice growing less cold. "Sakura…I love you." He sighed heavily. "But I'll understand if you've given your love to Schuldig."
"Actually, we kinda broke up," Sakura confessed, her voice sorrowful. She rubbed her hands nervously. "Our relationship fell apart." She paused uneasily. "I couldn't understand how I felt toward him. I think I may have loved him, but I just don't know. I thought I loved you…"
"Sakura, feelings can change," Ran explained kindly. "Remember, I cut you out of my life for two years. Schuldig found you when you were most vulnerable, so it's very possible that you did fall in love with him."
"I guess…" was Sakura's only reply. Her pink eyes seemed a bit watery.
Ran stepped up closer to Sakura. "Sakura, I want to share a kiss with you," he said, his voice slightly nervous. "Is that all right with you?"
Sakura's heart skipped a beat. Just a few months ago, she wouldn't have minded being kissed by Ran. So why was she so unwilling now? Was it because of what had happened with Schuldig?
That was silly, she thought. Schuldig had merely scared her. It wasn't like he had actually hurt her or anything. So, she really had no reason to be scared. Still, she was. But Ran wouldn't slip his tongue into her mouth, she told herself.
Sakura opened her mouth to say yes, but no words came out. She just couldn't bring herself to allow Ran to kiss her. "No…" she refused, her voice so quiet that it was barely audible.
Ran didn't seem surprised. "I understand," he said. "It is because of what happened with Schuldig?"
Numbly, Sakura nodded her head.
A small smile came upon Ran's lips. "I won't ask you want happened," he decided, his voice gentle. "It's your own business, after all. But when you come to terms with your heartbreak and if we ever see each other again, please let me kiss you."
For a few minutes, Sakura said nothing. "Maybe," she said after a long silence, but there was no conviction in her voice.
Ran reached out and touched the dangling earring in Sakura's left ear. "I love you, Sakura," he repeated, touching the earring in his own ear.
It was now time for the former members of Weiß to leave. They each received a big hug from Momoe, and Ran embraced Aya one last time. There was a chorus of "good-bye's" as Ran, Ken, Omi, and Yoji got into their trailer and drove away. Aya, Sakura, and Momoe waved until it was out of sight.
"Do you think we'll ever see them again?" Aya wondered aloud.
"I hope so," Sakura prayed. "Hey, let's head back to the Kitty in the House now. The flowers aren't gonna sell themselves, you know!"
Aya chuckled. "Okay," she agreed, grinning widely. Sakura seemed happy to her, but it was only a mask of cheerfulness. Beneath it beat Sakura's wounded heart. But Aya would do everything she could to comfort her closest friend.
o o o o o o
Schuldig stood outside as he leaned against his red car. When he had come home the night before, he had immediately headed to his room. He had not wanted to deal Schwarz, especially not with Crawford.
Schuldig sighed heavily. His heart still hurt from the break-up with Sakura, even though he knew it was for the best. But what hurt them the most was that the break-up had been entirely his fault.
If only he had taken Crawford's prediction seriously…
Schuldig looked up at the clear blue sky. This was all like some miserable dream. But now that he had woken up, he had to move on, and Sakura would have to do the same. She would probably never forgive him now, but Schuldig would always forgive her.
"So how are you this morning?" Crawford asked as he came up next to Schuldig.
"Fine," Schuldig responded in a monotone voice.
Crawford also leaned against the car. "Did my prediction come true?" he wondered, pushing his thin-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose.
Schuldig glared at Crawford. "No," he answered. "I didn't rape Sakura."
"I never said anything about rape," Crawford corrected. "Your relationship didn't work out, did it?"
Schuldig's body stiffened uncomfortably. "No, it didn't," he confirmed. "You were right about one thing. Sakura wasn't the one for me." It pained him greatly to admit that.
Nothing was said or done for almost a minute. Finally, Crawford slid his hand over Schuldig's. "Forget about Miss Sakura," he requested in a heated tone. "I knew she would only hurt you, and I didn't want to see you suffer like that. She would never have been able to understand you or your 'gift.' You should find someone who will."
"And that person may be very close by," Schuldig added, smirking. "That Nagi has been quite an influence. But you know, I really don't mind. I felt secure when I loved Sakura."
Crawford smiled sincerely. "Or so you would like to believe," he figured. "But I won't argue with you."
Schuldig looked over at the other side of the street, and saw Aya, Momoe, and Sakura. Sakura turned her head, and cherry blossom eyes met ice blue eyes.
I love you, Sakura, Schuldig called out telepathically.
I love you too, Schuldig-san, Sakura replied, smiling sadly.
She meant that with all possible sincerity; just not romantically. Still, Schuldig was not saddened at all. Maybe in a few years, once they had forgiven themselves and each other, they could begin a new relationship, one purely of friends.
END