Mother Knows Best Vegeta The Beach Bitch, a dragon ball z fanfic

Disclaimer: In the spirit of the Fonz: "Ehhh, I don't own it, okay?... 'eyyyy!"

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Mother Knows Best

Chapter Three

Vegeta the Beach-Bitch

----------------------------Last Time on Mother Knows Best--------------------------------

Vegeta looked at Bulma.

Bulma looked at Vegeta.

And then both looked down.

Bulma's eyes went into shock, and gasped and opened her mouth to scream. Vegeta raised his hands as a threatening gesture as if to strangle the woman before realizing what was going to happen and covered his ears.

-----------------------------And now our feature presentation..----------------------

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Piccolo looked at the Z Fighters as he made his way inside, and faintly smirked. They were all so happy to relax, letting themselves be ignorant of the impending doom in three years. His green features finally released the tension, and slowly made himself known thanks to The Kid.

"Hey there, Mr. Piccolo!" Gohan waved. Piccolo made a small smile - he couldn't help but be affectionate of his little protege. But upcoming troubles let his smile come tumbling down. He gripped the small capsule tightly among his clothes. He wouldn't let an ounce of trouble endanger his quest.

"Hey kid." He ruffled the boy's hair and Gohan giggled, dimples and all. Man, that kid was growing like a weed! Goku grinned at the Namek.

"Hey Piccolo. Long time no see. You missed the big surprise!"

Piccolo looked at the crowd, already knowing that Bulma wasn't present. "Yeah," he said.

"You so should've been here earlier... Looking for Bulma?"

No response. Krillian grinned as he overheard the conversation.

"I think she's upstairs," snort of laughter, "..try-trying to get Vegeta to join us.." Krillain laughed and were soon joined by the others. Piccolo let a frown settle his features.

"What's so funny?" He inquired, his green facial features scrunched up in rare puzzlement.

"Like I said, you should've been here earlier." More laughter. Goku decided to clue Piccolo in. "Vegeta... Vegeta was all pink.." Goku slapped his knee. Piccolo looked even more puzzled. Vegeta in pink? That just did not go together in a sentence.

He was about to say something but a scream stopped him.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I'M SOOOO SORRY, VEGETA!"

"GET BACK HERE, WOMAN!"

"NOOOO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEE YOU NAKED!"

About everybody's conversation stopped as they stared at the ceiling. Somewhere in the distance Tien dropped his cup of punch and his third eye went in the back of his head as he collapsed. The rest of the Z Fighters just went slack with amazement.

Bulma yelled at the top of her lungs as she ran downstairs, as if this could save her from the Great Beyond. Upstairs Vegeta let out loud curses. Loud enough that Chi Chi had to cover Gohan's ears, looking flushed from herself at hearing such language.

Bulma still had that look of horror when she came down, still covering her face with her hands, saying over again to herself yet loud enough for everyone to hear, "I did not see a man naked.. I did not see a man naked.. I did not see a man naked!!"

Then Goku laughed. This had to be the funniest day ever. Then he wondered as he wiped a tear from his eye why Bulma's birthdays aren't more like this. Krillain began cracking up also, after he heard all this. If all birthdays were just like this, why wasn't his like this too?

Bulma mentally screamed, 'I can't believe I was stupid enough to not know he was naked. Duh! Shower, bathroom. For a genius, I'm not that smart!'

Vegeta stormed down, and everybody eyes were rooted on him. Chi Chi's mouth went slack and there was an audible noise when it dropped to the floor. He wore a mask of pure rage. His tail twitched behind him, wagging, and looking for someone to kill. Namely a blue-haired someone named BULMA.

...Unfortunately due to his supreme anger at having been sighted by the disgusting human, he only wore a towel. A tiny, white towel befit for a cabana boy.

Bulma stared at him, a little afraid, not noticing his beach-bitch worthy uniform. Vegeta stared back, eyes full of malice. He took one step forward; she took three back. This continued until she had her back to the wall.

"You will PAY for seeing a Prince's body in the bare flesh."

"No, Vegeta, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I just wanted to give you cake!" The words spilled out of her mouth as she tried to think of anything to get him to stop "Goku, Yamcha, anyone, HEEELLLP!!"

"Oh no one can help you now." Vegeta's evil laugh boomed as he imagined her neck between his two hands and applying the big squeeze.

Her eyes bugged as he came enticingly close to her. The body heat that radiated off both of them was intense. One out of stark fear and embarrassment, the other from sheer anger and the need to throttle the offending party.

Everyone paused, waiting for the ultimate confrontation and to butt in. Not to mention the sight of Vegeta almost naked was... a bit startingly (as well as uncomfortable).

Piccolo interrupted the silence, with a small remark. "Uh, happy birthday, Bulma." And then took out a capsule and threw it on the middle of the open floor.

POOF.

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Lousy, no good weakling female. Because of HER, that hideous color leeked into my agenda and ruined my day. I missed hours of training, got humiliated, and missed out sparring with Kakarotto.

The rage in his eyes was evident as he closed in on her.

Grr.. that woman is so infuriating. Now she even managed to see me naked! I mean I wouldn't have minded it, if she hadn't screamed it to the whole world that she saw me naked!

I want to destroy something, kill anything! He smirked darkly as he got exceptionally close to her. His breathing became erratic and he was about to the deed when a voice interrupted the scene that was not the screech of the blue banshee.

... what's this? Oh it's Green Bean.. What does he want? He's giving a present to the weakling? Why? I mean she hasn't done anything to accomplish except whine about her pathetic boyfriend, fix the GR, and fix horrible food.

Diverted for now, he narrowed his eyes as Bulma managed to squeak by and get closer to Piccolo.

Stupid woman... he crossed his arms over his bare chest, unaware still of his provocative fashion statement.

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Before her eyes, a glinting object flashed before her. Bulma blinked her eyes. The mirror had to be at least six feet long and two feet wide. It had gold finishing and carvings every where with green, blue and red gems embedded almost everywhere. It felt ... enchanted.

So far all she ever got from Goku was a sweater (undoubtedly made by his wife) and the Z-Fighter's were gift certificates. Bulma sighed inwardly as she inspected the mirror. At least Piccolo had put in some thought. Smiling widely, she rushed faster than any Instant Transmission could and hugged Piccolo without warning. Piccolo tried not to blush at such close contact, especially since he once saw her in her underwear.

Everyone smiled silently as the happy picture unfolded before them. That was until Vegeta smashed it into very itty bitty small pieces.

"Typical.. Give a mirror to the woman. Make her even more vain. Like she really needs that. Thanks a LOT, Green Bean." Vegeta smirked. Bulma stopped hugging Piccolo and her vein throbbed on her forehead. She made her way slowly and quietly towards Vegeta. Outside: arrogance - inside: Vegeta felt as if he made a real bad mistake. A reeeaaaallly bad mistake.

Bulma made her way up to Vegeta and glared down at his smirking face. She took one finger and poked him in the chest as hard as she could. "Don't. Mess. With. Me. On. MY. Birthday..." She gritted her teeth in anger.

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She awoke to hear arguing. She hid in the darkness of the 'place' as the view came into focus. There was... was it Bejita? No, she realized with disappointment before perking up again. No, it wasn't Bejita... but it was her son! Vegeta! Her gaze went from him to his companion.

And a blue-haired girl.. how incredibly odd for a Saiya-jin. She did a double back. The girl didn't even have a tail! My Gods, she thought, how did the poor girl manage?

Curious, she saw they were both arguing. Tapping in her weak ki, she began to hear.

"..birthday.." She heard the blue haired woman seethe to her son. Soko smiled. Ah, so her son was as bad as ever. The woman's eyes had the absolute delectable rage in them. Whatever her son said must have riled her up nicely.

"Hnn. Maybe woman, if you didn't fawn over yourself like you were the Kami's gift to the Universe, you'd actually recognize a piece of genuine junk when you see it." Vegeta retorted back, smirking, pushing away the blue haired woman's finger that was poking his chest.

Soko had never been so excited to see such a pair. There was an obvious attraction by the way they were fighting. Though she had never really seen an alien that would've dared to stand up to a Saiya-jin, especially one of the Royalty! Soko sniffed, a little offended, but pushing the thought away. After all, maybe that's the way young people were these days. It wasn't her mother's time!

'Hmm..', Soko thought, ' too bad she isn't a Saiya-jin. Wait, what if she's Vegeta's mate? Do I have grandchildren?' Soko snorted at that thought. Her? A grandmother? She didn't even look a day over her 31st year (even though she was in her 39th)!

"Gah! You are impossible Vegeta! Can't you be nice on my birthday? I mean, I only get ONE every year." The blue haired one was feisty as a Saiya-jin, Soko had to admit, and seemed just as stubborn as her son. Oh, this was getting interesting. Wait.. what is this 'birthday' thing? Is it food?

"No." Was his amused reply back. Soko looked more closely at her son. He had grown, though not that much in height. She sighed. And she had hoped that he would become tall and majestic like his father. Oh well. Looks like he got her short genes. Bah!

"Leave her alone, Vegeta." Another man came into the picture. 'My...' Soko stood flabbergasted. Now that was a Saiya-jin!

"Keep out of this, Kakarott. This is none of your concern.." She saw her son bark at the poor lower level Saiya-jin. "This woman has to be put in her place!"

"You know, EARTH has had MARVELOUS breakthroughs in FEMINISM, Vegeta." The Blue Haired one growled.

"As if this pathetic mudball needs more of your sorcery!"

"IT'S NOT SORCERY!"

"My ears are bleeding from your screeching, quiet female!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"Ow, Bulma, he's right, my ears hurt too."

"Gah, Goku, you too!" She turned to Vegeta and beat on his chest. "Thanks a LOT, you ruined my friggin birthday!"

"I'm on Earth?" Soko arched her eyebrow. Where was Earth? It's not like she had the entire galactic map burned in her memory. Wait. Why would her son bother to be around a bunch of low ki-level aliens than his own kind? Where was Bejita? Where was the rest of her kind?

"Ha! Told you!"

"Come on, Vegeta, can't we just all get along nice and just-"

"Oooh, Goku, don't bother with that asshole. I don't want my birthday to be ruined anymore than it has because of him." The blue haired woman openly insulted Soko's son. She gasped, then looked quickly at Vegeta. All he did was glared back. Soko smiled at the girl before her. She certainly had spirit. Worthy of a Saiya-jin warrior she would be.

"Okay, Bulma.."

"Nyaaah." Bulma blew a raspberry at Vegeta before going to enjoy the festivities. Vegeta crossed his arms, suddenly aware of how he was dressed.

Soko now had her nose pressed to the glass, like a child. So her name was Bulma? Bul-ma. Soko let it roll on her tongue, odd name as it was.

Walking backwards, she let the scene lose focus. After being dead for so many years, you get to have a low ki level, especially if you're not in either Hell or Heaven.

Sighing, she let the darkness envelope her. So Fate led her back to her son! What great luck. Hmm.. it seems that this 'Bulma' and Vegeta aren't mates after all... But they are attracted to each other. Yet openly deny it.

Interesting. Soko thought before she felt the darkness take whole of her. Very, very interesting.

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Bulma encapsuled the mirror and put in her pocket.

She just began saying good bye to all of her friends, and sighed at the day's end - what a wonderful birthday (however horrible she was becoming older).

Chao-zu yawned and Tien picked him up and patted him on the back before they flew away. Krillian had to get back to Master Roshi and Turtle - it was so late after all. Yajirobe was just there for the food and left after stuffing as much as he could underneath his clothing. Bulma smiled and rolled her eyes. They may be a bunch of--- well, whatever they were, but they were her closest and most cherished friends.

Finally only Piccolo and the Son family was left. Bulma looked at Piccolo slyly and gave him another big hug, making him uncomfortable. She kissed his cheek suddenly. "Thank you for giving me such a thoughtful present, Piccolo!"

Piccolo waved it off, looking away from her. "I saw the mirror and it just reminded me of you. Don't mention it."

"Where'd you get it anyway?"

"A New-Namekian market. Some guy claimed he found it floating in space. Was a nice price considering the value of it on Earth." Piccolo smirked to himself as he thought about it.

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::FLASHBACK::

"See one, see all, Hegel's Space Treasures," a roll of green fat advertised as he loudly demonstrated the ineffectiveness of the objects he tried to con onto the race. Green Nameks stared blankly as he continued to pop over the place, attempting to con the aliens. "You'll never see another space deal like this in this galaxy!"

Now, Piccolo normally belonged on earth but since the Boy From the Future came, he wondered. Going to Kami, he let his guard down to ask a few insightful questions -- with unsurprisingly vague answers. But something did clue him in - whatever his part was, it was to go to Namek for something -- whatever it was.

And he ignored the annoying alien as he walked by before stopping dead in his tracks. Across from him was a mirror. Beautiful, yes, but Piccolo wasn't one for vanity. It was what was INSIDE of the mirror. He peered into it, narrowing his eyes. Others around him were oblivious, but he could pick up a faint ki in there. He took a step back, surprised. A KI?

Unfortunately, the fat alien saw him lingering around the object and immediately surrounded him.

"Ah, I see you found the prize of this auction!"

"No."

"Very fine, isn't it?"

"No."

"For about one hundred coins and that fine cape, it can be yours."

"No."

"Very well, my friend! You drive a hard bargain. 80 coins, no cape!"

"No."

"I see you're no stranger to this game. 60 coins and you can take this treasure away with you forever!"

"...No."

Piccolo focused on it, trying to read the ki. There was something familiar about it. Something that he felt in Goku and Vegeta... as well as Vegeta's companions Nappa and Radditz; but it was different in away, softer and fainter. He narrowed his eyes. Saiya-jin?

Meanwhile the fat alien was talking himself blue in the face. "My friend, you are a MASTER, I applaud you. I will give you this priceless mirror at the bargain price of 35 coins. No more, no less!"

Piccolo suddenly grabbed the alien and squeezed his neck, eyes still on the mirror. The alien suddenly blanched and squeaked out, "Did I say 35? I meant, FREE, it's FREE for you," gradually the grip lessened. "I mean, after taxes, there could be an amount," hard squeeze, "but-but I'm sure I can waive that for such a fine bargainer as yourself!" Piccolo released him and allowed him to breathe.

"I'll take it."

::FLASHBACK::

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"Just a bit of bargain shopping," there was something dark in his voice as he chuckled to himself. Bulma tried not to focus on it or pursue her line of questioning. Don't ask, don't tell..

Piccolo glared goodbye before he took off flying. Gohan waved bye furiously before saying his goodbyes with his family to Bulma.

She shut the door after that, blushing that she actually kissed the green alien on the cheek. She did grin slyly when she noticed that she made him blush too. Bulma liked Piccolo but Yamcha was the one for her.

Unknowingly to Bulma, Vegeta glared daggers at her. He saw everything. Then shook his head. Why should he even care? Growling, he went to train. Too much has happened enough today for him.

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TBC...

Revised 2007: Took out some parts, rewrote things to be a little more in-character (I don't know though.. it's mainly hilarious because they are out of character in the first place). I began this with little knowledge of the DBZ universe so let's just say you're better off not asking questions. This is an A/U after all. Anything goes. I'll most likely finish this and another story of mine leaving more room to finish my more serious DBZ stuff like Three Monkeys, Mirai Trunks Complex, and With One Last Breath.

One small note: Soko is actually a vegetable. Wikipedia it!