Disclaimer: Don't own Trigun or any of that other good stuff except the story. OH! And I DON'T own Cowboy Bebop's Spike or Jet.

Just had to do that for you, Luminik. It was also her idea about Mr. Finch, cause I totally forgot that I made Mrs. Finch a Mrs. ^_^ ' heh, heh. THANKS TO ALL MY DEVOTED READERS! You know I love ya!

Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not

Chapter Seven

Alexander The Cheat

Meryl pulled away from Demonte's grasp as soon as they were away from the party.

"Demonte," She pressed. "For the last time, would you please tell me just what is going on!?"

Demonte stood silently, his back facing away from Meryl.

"Those men…are very dangerous Meryl." Turning back to face her with cold eyes he continued. "Promise me you'll never go around them…ever."

"But Demont––"

"Promise me!"

Meryl sighed. "I promise."

"Good…" Demonte lowered his head. "Now…I wonder what's going to happen to poor Nick."

"I don't know…" Meryl answered honestly. "It's not going to be good though…"

Both stood there for a moment longer in silence.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Demonte asked.

"Well, CURRENTLY you don't have anywhere to live either so…I'm sure that you and your Grandfather, Carl, can stay as long as you'd both like."

"Okay," Demonte shrugged. "You win."

The next morning, Sunday, Meryl was rudely awakened by her phone.

"Now WHAT!?" She screamed as she yanked the phone away from the receiver. "WHAT THE H––"

"Meryl!" Came a panicked voice.

Meryl blinked before clearly recognizing it.

"Vash!?" She spat into the phone. "Why I outta…!"

"You have to get to my house and FAST!" Vash pleaded. "Please!?"

"Why don't you just get your girlfriend to do it?" Meryl's brows knitted together.

"Because!" Vash hissed through gritted teeth. "I don't want her to see this horrible mess!"

"Oh, but it's okay for me?"

"Well…you're not TECHNICALLY human…" Meryl's teeth began to grind together. "And you ARE pretty heartless…" The blood began to drain from Meryl's clenched fist. "But that's not the point. You just need to get over here, NOW!"

And with that, Vash hung up.

"YOU SELF-ABSORBED JERK O––"

"Meryl?" Demonte stood in the doorway of Meryl's room. "I heard yelling and obscenities. I'm almost afraid to ask, but…Are you all right?"

Meryl sighed. "Vash just called. He wants me to get over to his house as soon as possible."

"What for?"

"Who knows? Care to join me?"

Demonte blew the loose strands of black hair from his face. "Sure? Why not?"

"Great. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes." Meryl told him as she closed the door and proceeded to change into something more appropriate.

Downstairs, Meryl gazed upon Demonte's sleeping Grandfather, who was resting in their brown recliner in the corner of the room.

"Oh Meryl!" Meryl's mother trotted into the front room. "I heard about Nick. Such trouble that boy is…"

"Mom…Nick is NOT a drug attic."

"And the Gnomes…"

"Mom…Nick was never kidnapped by the circus."

"But anyway…Nick is being shipped off somewhere north for counseling."

Meryl's eyes widened. "W-WHAT!?"

"It's true darling. He's going to be shipped off later on today."

"Awww man!" Meryl curled into a ball on the floor.

"Shhh! Darling! You'll wake up Carlton!"

"His name's 'Carl', mom." Meryl said from between her knees.

"Right dear. Oh and your father and dear old Carlton are going to try to find a house for your friend Demonte and Carl. But you tell them that they're welcome here for as long as they'd like."

"Yes mom." Meryl's words were absorbed into her knees.

"Ready," Demonte descended the stairs, dressed in a black tank top and black baggy pants. "Sorry about having to use these old clothes, Mrs. Stryfe. I presume that they belong to a sibling of Meryl's?"

"Oh no," Meryl's mother shook her head. "Meryl's an only child, but I thought that the clothes were just so cute and they were on sale and…"

"But you don't have a son…?" Demonte inquired.

"Of course not." Meryl's mother laughed.

Demonte nearly facefaulted. "I…see…A parent who just buys random clothing for whomever…Nice."

"Come on Demonte," Meryl stood up and dusted off her maroon shorts and white T-shirt. "We'd better go see what the Broom-Head wants."

"Oh you're going to visit the Saverems?" Meryl's mother asked.

"Yes, mom," Meryl replied as she stepped outside the door. "He made it sound very urgent."

"Have fun!" Mrs. Stryfe waved as Demonte closed the door.

"I WOULD drive us there, but as you've noticed," Demonte gestured. "I don't have a CAR anymore."

"Don't worry about it," Meryl said hastily. "He only lives 4 blocks away from me anyway."

Demonte noticed the tension in her voice. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nick's parents are sending him off to some counseling school up north."

"What!?" Demonte shrieked.

"Yeah," Meryl said. "He leaves today. We need to get to Vash's and then leave as soon as possible for Nick's."

"Geez, I didn't think that doing this would get him into so much trouble. Do you want me to go to Vash's house instead and you go to Nick's?"

Meryl stopped and then smiled. "That's a SPECTACULAR idea! Just don't tell Vash that I bailed out on him or what's going on with Nick, okay?"

"Leave it to me," Demonte said. "I'll take care of whatever problem Vash has, pronto."

"Thanks Demonte!" Meryl said. "Oh, keep going up three more streets, turn left and his house is the second house down on the right. Trust me, you'll be able to recognize it instantly."

"Why? What's there?" Demonte asked.

"A HUGE sign, hand carved by Knives. Remember that game, hangman?" Demonte nodded. "Good. Now you'll know how to find their house."

"Knives isn't a very passive person, is he?"

"You saw him last night, Demonte. You should know. Anyway, you get over there as soon as possible and I'll get to Nick's, okay?"

Demonte found the house (no problemo…gee, wonder why?) easily and proceeded to the front. He knocked on the door and waited for a response. The door swung open, abruptly.

"We don't do charity, don't give to the needy, don't give money, we don't like door-to-door salesmen and we CERTAINLY don't like…kids with black hair." Knives paused. "What do you want, Kalabis?"

"Um, Vash called earlier and he said that he had a problem…"

"Yeah, we ALL do." Knives said. "Unfortunately for us, Rem's deadbeat boyfriend has made an appearance."

"So…that's the problem?"

"Yes."

"Knives, can I step inside? I need to speak with Vash."

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you, just as a precaution."

"Why not?"

"He's not too fond of people who try to push their way into the lives of 'OTHERS'…if you know what I mean."

"It's too early for riddles, Knives."

"In other words, he called for Meryl, Kalabis. NOT you. Not trying to be mean (cough cough) or anything, but you are definitely not one of his favorite people. And I'm only telling you this because I've never seen Vash so into curses and voodoo dolls, etc."

Demonte blinked.

"Can I come in now?"

"Okay," Knives shrugged. "It's your funeral."

"Who is it Knives!?" Demonte heard Vash call out from the other room.

"It's Meryl's boyfriend, that's who!"

"Gee, no wonder Vash hates me." Demonte glared at Knives, who led Demonte into the front room.

All at once, Demonte could hear stomping from another room and Vash emerged through the door to the kitchen, taking the door off the hinges as he stormed through.

"WHAT!?" Vash roared and then silenced as soon as he saw Demonte. "Where's Meryl?" Vash asked, somewhat coldly.

"She's busy," Demonte replied nonchalantly. "She's had a rough night."

"Yeah," Vash snorted, picturing Meryl at home in her bed, wearing nothing but her undergarments. "I'll bet she has."

"So I came in her place."

"Oh…Really?" Vash's eyes narrowed.

"What seems to be the problem, Vash?"

"Oh NOTHING. NOTHING at ALL. It's all been resolved."

Footsteps descended the stairs above Demonte and he looked up to see a woman in blue jeans, a white shirt, and flowing raven hair.

"Who's here, Knives?" The woman asked.

"Rem," Knives started. "This is Demonte Kalabis, not like I care." Knives snickered. "He's Vash's friend."

"HARDLY!" Vash pounded his fist on the table, succeeding in breaking the table in half.

"Vash!" Rem cried. "Not while Alex is here!"

Vash pouted as Knives snickered even harder. Rem turned to Demonte and patted him on the shoulder.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Demonte. I'm sure that Vash and Knives are very honored to have someone like you as a friend."

Vash and Knives both coughed and cleared their throats.

"Thank you Miss Saverem…" Demonte pretended to ignore the remarks made by Vash and Knives. "They are BOTH wonderful people." He struggled to get the last part out.

Rem smiled. "Well now, Vash, Knives, wasn't that sweet?"

"Uh…uy..yea..h..s..ur…e," The two muttered incoherently.

"Rem?" Everyone looked up to see a man with brown hair, his hairstyle very much like Vash's, in a business suit.

"Oh my!" Rem smiled. "Demonte this is my fiancée, Alex. Alex, this is one of the boys' friends, Demonte…"

"Kalabis." Demonte finished. "Pleased to meet you, Alex."

"You SHOULD be pleased to meet me." Alex replied snobbishly and Demonte gritted his teeth. Why was everyone acting like jerks?

"Rem, have you forgotten your place?" Alex asked.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Alex." Rem excused herself and ran back up the stairs.

Knives and Vash snarled.

"Finally, I see something that you two can agree on." Demonte crossed his arms. "And even myself as well. Alex sucks, doesn't he?"

Vash snorted in agreement.

"I shall command my band of Gung-Ho Guns to liquidate that ork." Knives growled. "Rem is always at his beckon call and she never has time to wait on me hand and foot!"

"He just treats her horribly." Vash commented as he slouched over in the chair he was sitting in.

"When did he get here?" Demonte asked.

"Last night." The twins said in unison.

"There has to be a way to get rid of him…" Demonte said. "…But how?"

"See Spike!? I told you that it was a horrible ground-plan!" Jet Black screamed at his partner, as they remained dormant in their car parked outside the Wolfwood residence. "What kind of people in their right minds would play the role of scratch-and-sniff condom businessmen in order to get into a private residence!?"

"Oh hush, Jet. It was a WONDERFUL plan until you began to scratch and sniff the condoms yourself."

"They were CHERRY flavored!" Jet protested.

"Are you telling me that you ATE them too!?" Jet reached for the seatbelt. "Just kidding," Spike Spiegel said hastily and then gestured to the open window. "We'll climb inside."

"Yeah? That's your plan? Just like your horrible plan last night about calling the parents of those kids? This one family here is crazy!"

"Hey, Hey!" Spike said, obviously offended. "Don't be dissing on Spike Spiegel. I'll just find a NEW plan."

Jet's eyes narrowed. "Sure."

Just then, Meryl came running up the driveway.

"Hey Spike!"

"Yeah, Jet?"

"Do you see…what I see?"

Spike grinned. "Perfect…"

Meryl pounded on the door and Maryann opened it, crying into a handkerchief.

"Yes?" Mrs. Wolfwood sobbed.

"Mrs. Wolfwood!" Meryl cried. "About Nick, I…!"

"Yes, Nicholas…" The woman sobbed. "Nicholas is gone."

Meryl paused as horror seized her.

"W-What…?" Meryl's voice broke.

"It's true," Joseph walked over and comforted his grieving wife. "Nicholas has left today for counseling."

Meryl suddenly became unstable.

"We just couldn't put up with his trauma over some girl named 'Milly' and his drug addiction." Maryann sobbed.

"And the Gnomes!" Joseph wailed.

Meryl stumbled backwards. "B-But Nick was never a drug attic! He never encountered Gnomes! H––"

"Oh what would you know!?" Maryann snapped. "Nicholas is never coming back either! He will grow up to be on welfare and never become a devoted priest to His Holiness!"

'No…' Meryl shook her head. 'This isn't happening…I'm…too late?'

"Adoption happens to the best of us…" Joseph said. "May Nicholas rest in peace…" Joseph shut the door in Meryl's face as she stood there, unmoving.

"Did you get that, Spike!?" Jet asked from inside their car.

"Great…there goes suspect one." Spike sighed. "The Boss WON'T be happy."

"Let's go." Jet started the ignition and accelerated the car. The car took off down the street.

Meryl walked slowly to Vash's house to pick up Demonte, her shoulders slumped over as her hair hung in her face. She stopped as she heard the Saverem's front door open and a familiar voice broke through.

"Yeah, well, thanks for your hospitality!" Demonte yelled back inside, sarcastically. He paused as he saw the melancholy Meryl standing in the driveway. "Meryl, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

He rushed to her side and she looked up, slowly. Then, as though she could hold it in no longer, she burst out into sobs and tears and threw herself in Demonte's arms.

"N-Nick's gone!" She cried in between sobs. "A-And h-he's never…never coming b-back…!"

Demonte, in shock, slowly wrapped his arms around Meryl.

"Meryl…I'm sorry. I know he was your best friend…"

"If only I h-had gotten there sooner…" She sniffed, clutching Demonte tighter. "Now…I-I'll never see him again…"

Demonte rubbed her back soothingly. "It's not your fault," He said. "And you will see Nick again. I promise you will."

From inside the Saverem household…

Knives and Vash were peeking out the window as Meryl wept in Demonte's arms. Vash's eyes narrowed as he felt his teeth grind together.

"Are you jealous, dear brother?" Knives asked, smiling.

"SHUT UP!" Vash raged. "THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL!" Vash turned away from the window.

Knives continued to stare at the two. "They get along so well, maybe they should…"

"They will NEVER go out! I will never let Meryl date that…that…"

"Careful, dear brother." Knives warned. "Rem IS upstairs and you would break her poor old heart if you said such things."

Vash stormed out of the room, rubbing his eyes as an unexplainable lump in his throat began to form.

"I am not jealous…I am not jealous…I am NOT jealous…" Vash repeated over and over again.

But he couldn't help but look out the window at the two. "What's he got that I don't?"

The next day at school it was announced that Meryl's new science teacher would be Mr. Finch. He was wheeled in on his deathbed, held only on life-support as he breathed through his oxygen bag. The Doctor followed after and pointed a sturdy finger at the students.

"Make sure he doesn't overexert himself, children. He IS 98 this month after all."

"Thank you Doctor…" Mr. Finch said in a raspy voice.

"Allow me to adjust your bed, Mr. Finch." The Doctor said as he rose Mr. Finch's bed so that he was in a sitting position.

Meanwhile, Vash was sitting behind Demonte, wadding up a piece of paper. He looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention and then proceeded to chuck the paper at Demonte's head. Then he turned away, innocently.

Demonte growled as he turned around in his seat.

"Was that you, Saverem?" Demonte asked none too happy.

"Who? Me?" Vash shrugged as a halo of goodness materialized above his head. "Don't be accusing me of things!" Vash looked hurt as he clutched his chest.

Demonte turned back around and the Doctor and his half-dressed nurses departed from the room.

"Now class…" Mr. Finch spoke, and then exhaled deeply. "I assume you have heard about my wife but…"

"Legato didn't kill her!" Knives jumped to his feet. "Are you pointing fingers at innocent children Mr. Finch!?"

Mr. Finch's heart rate increased as Knives approached his deathbed. "I knew it. You are old! Therefore, you must be punished!" Knives grabbed Mr. Finch's pillow and pulled it out from underneath him.

Mr. Finch fell backwards and hit his head on the back of the desk.

"Knives!" Vash stood up. "Don't do this! Not again!"

Knives unplugged Mr. Finch's life-support and the monitor went blank.

"NO!" Vash cried.

"See Vash? Now everything that brought you and Rem together…is gone."

"But Master…the old one was not related to Rem." Legato pointed out.

Knives paused.

"I knew that."

Unexpectedly, Mr. Finch began to sit up in the bed and Knives stumbled backwards, astonished.

"He's alive!?" The children gasped.

Mr. Finch turned his head, his evil eyes shining on Knives as he reached down and grabbed Knives by the collar of his shirt.

"You little hooligans need to learn some manners." Mr. Finch pulled his arm off to the side and slammed Knives' face into the counter. Then, a bottle of pure peroxide toppled over and landed in Knives' hair. Too bad Knives was unconscious to realize that his once white hair was turning…VERY WHITE!

"AHHHH! IT'S TOO BRIGHT!" The children shouted as they shielded their eyes from Knives' hair.

Mr. Finch jumped off of his bed and kicked his deathbed into a wall.

"That is one strong old guy…" Meryl heard Demonte whisper.

"YOU!" Mr. Finch pointed to Vash.

"Me?" Vash asked.

"Come here!" Vash meekly obliged. Grinning, Mr. Finch grabbed a science textbook from off a student's desk and slammed it into Vash's face.

Vash crumpled to the ground, clutching his face as Demonte and Meryl stood up quickly.

"AHAHA!" Mr. Finch laughed evilly as he began to dance around the room. He stopped at Legato's desk and looked down upon him.

"Yes?" Legato asked.

Mr. Finch snatched away Legato's backpack and chucked it against a nearby wall.

"NO!" Legato cried as he rushed to his backpack and opened it up, withdrawing The Great One. "Master…" Legato's bottom lip trembled. The Great One had been cracked in half, the water leaking from inside. One final message appeared before The Great One died.

L-Legato…K-Kill…H-H…im…

Legato's eyes darkened as he looked up. Mr. Finch had grabbed another student's backpack and kicked it out the door.

"Why do you choose to end your life so suddenly?" Legato asked as he stood up.

"You want more, PUNK!?" Mr. Finch snarled.

"Well…thank you for volunteering." Legato twisted his wrist and Mr. Finch's arms began to pull backwards and snap in half.

"W-What's going on!?" Mr. Finch screamed.

Suddenly, Mr. Finch's body contracted and tore apart, his organs falling from inside of his body. His face split upwards, tearing through his skull and allowing his brain to slide down his face. Legato leapt forward and thrust a hand into Mr. Finch's body, retrieving his heart and pulling it out. Laughing maniacally, Legato bit into the heart, ripping his heart in half and grinding the muscle in between his teeth, savoring the flavor as he rolled his tongue over the muscle. Dark, rich blood spilled from his mouth like a fountain as he swallowed the heart. Then Legato smeared the blood all over his face like war paint. Licking his bloodstained lips in satisfaction, Legato turned to hunt new prey.

Meryl dashed from the science room, intending to call the police.

Oh…where was Nick when you need a eulogy?

Then Meryl's eyes saddened.

She had just remembered that Nick was never coming back.

Ahhh! I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't entirely funny and I'm sorry that Nick is gone… (Avoids the tomatoes being thrown) It's for the best…for now. (grin) ^_^ PLEASE R&R!

BLD