Disclaimer: Don't own Ash from Army of Darkness, don't own Trigun, don't own Lupin the Third and I CERTAINLY own The Great One and Demonte lol ^_^
Hunting For The Elusive Mayfly Known As Love…Not
Chapter Thirteen
The Destruction Of The Meteor Shower
Vash, in a state of fit and fury, stole Knives' cell phone and dialed his girlfriend's number. He only had to wait a few moments before she picked up the phone.
"Hello?" Came Melissa's soft voice.
"Melissa?" Vash asked.
"Vash?" A short pause. "Just where the heck are you!? I've been trying to call your house for the last few days and no one ever answers! We were supposed to go to the Winter Carnival together, remember!?"
"Yes, yes, I do," He calmed her. "But I got drug off on this spontaneous vacation with Rem down south…where's there no snow."
"And you never CALLED!?"
"What do you think I'm doing now?" Vash changed the subject. "Anyway, the reason I called is because we're gonna spend Christmas here and I have your gift…" That caught Melissa's attention.
"A present? For me? Sure I'll meet you wherever you are! I just got my license day before yesterday!"
"Perfect…" Vash grinned evilly. "All right, this is where we are…"
"DDR?" Nick blinked.
Demonte wondered if he was talking with a lisp. "Yeah, DDR, remember? The ultimate way to challenge someone?"
Nick growled. "That's the ultimate way to challenge someone in GUNSMOKE! NOT THIS TROPICAL HELL OF A PLACE!" Nick slapped his hands against his thighs. "Now I'll never get Milly back…"
Knives sighed. "Your whining displeases me Wolfwood…" He turned to Legato. "Slave, use your mind melding powers to bring the female kind out here so that we may continue onwards to the meteor shower! We are wasting daylight!"
But Legato was busy tending to The Great One.
"There, there," Legato crooned as he cuddled The Great One. "It's all over now. That evil man in red is gone."
Thank you, Slave…
"Grrrrrr!!!!!" Knives growled. "WHY send a MORON to do a SUPERIOR'S WORK!?" Knives stormed into the trailer, breaking down the door, and grabbed the nearest thing.
Demonte blinked as he listened to the sounds being made from within.
"What? HEY! How did you get in here!?" That was Lupin.
A few noises later…
"Hey! That doesn't go there! H-HEY! LEAVE THAT ALONE!"
Crashing plates and furniture.
"S-STOP THAT! Daryl! Bill! Help me!" Demonte sighed as he held his head in his hands.
"I'll prepare a eulogy," Nick muttered.
"No, don't waste a good eulogy." Demonte told him.
"OH…MY…DEAR LORD! MY CARPET! YOU SPILLED PUNCH ON THE FRIGGIN' CARPET!" Lupin…again.
"You know, Knives could've just saved us time and grabbed the girls without making such a fuss…" Nick pointed out.
"Yes, but then that ruins all the fun," Demonte crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean, LEGATO could've just used his mind-melding powers and…"
"SSSSHHHH!" Nick and Demonte stiffened as they looked at Legato, who pointed to The Great One. "The Master is sleeping…"
"Oh," Nick blinked. "Sorry."
Demonte shook his head as he became nettled by the situation. This trip had been too much for him. "That's it. I'm going to go in there and take care of things myself."
Just then, Knives emerged, dragging Milly and Meryl by the arms. Milly turned back to wave to Lupin.
"Bye Lupin! Thanks for the great hospitality!"
"You're welcome Milly," Lupin waved back as he stuck his head out of the trailer window. The left side of his cheek was red, puffy, and swollen. "Come back and see me sometime."
Knives snorted.
"He should be appreciative that I didn't decide to…"
"ALL RIGHT!" Demonte interrupted as he tapped Nick on the shoulder. Nick glanced up and immediately sprinted forward, leaving dust clouds behind.
"MILLY!" He grabbed Milly and swung her around. "You have come back to me! Did that little urchin hurt you?"
"Jerk!" Everyone turned as Daryl stuck his head out the window and chucked a vase at the crew…and he missed horribly as the vase landed in another direction.
"IDIOT!" Lupin dove out the window. "I NEED THAT!"
"O…kay…I'm going to move away now." Demonte grabbed Meryl and shuffled down the forest trail.
OKAY. MOVING ON…Vash eventually rejoined the party, still scoffing and proceeded to deliver an "intemperate diatribe lambasting" (See those quotations? I am quoting my vocab book lol. So I did not plagiarize, but I DID like that sentence. It sounded…intimidating. ^_^) the actions of his friends…mostly Meryl though. Knives eventually had Legato shut him up…by pushing Vash into that sticker bush back there on the trail…
And dusk eventually came upon them…but before the sky turned entirely black, (leaving a small pink tint color in the clouds) the crew came upon a cabin in the forest…Randomly…
"Now answer me this," Nick blinked. "We are out in the middle of NOWHERE and we just happen to stumble upon a cabin?"
"I think it's something the author is providing as a special treat to one of her readers." Demonte answered.
"Author?" Nick paused. "Wait, does that mean that this is a story?"
MOVING ON!
"Okay, okay, we'll go and explore the cabin…" Nick huffed as he looked up towards the pink sky.
"What's he doing?" Meryl asked Demonte as she pointed to Nick, who was walking towards the cabin.
Demonte shrugged. "Being Nick…as usual."
And since it IS Nick. He is going to do something randomly stupid.
Nick knocked on the door and whipped out a book from nowhere. From within the cabin violent footsteps were heard and finally the door was pulled open…rather suddenly.
"What!?" A voice snapped, saliva particles landing on Nick's face. Nick paused and wiped the spit off of him and then looked at the man.
He was a good-sized man with brown hair and ragged and torn clothing. On his right arm was a chainsaw attached to his wrist where his hand should've been. This did not frighten Nick, however, and he continued to show his 'How To Be A Priest' book and he held it to his chest and looked at the man with sincerity.
"Sir, have you ever given thought to the after life?"
"The what?" The man looked at him oddly.
"The Kingdom of His Holiness! The Kingdom of Heaven!" Nick flashed a big grin. "I can see it in your eyes, Sir. You want to be a Priest like me!"
The man blinked once more before the chainsaw attached to his arm became alive and rose to meet the face of the book. Then it sawed Nick's Priest book in half. Nick's bottom jaw fell and trembled as shreds of his book rained to the ground as though they were crying sadly 'Nick…you killed us…'
"GOD NO! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" Nick fell to his knees and gathered up all of the severed pieces of his book and quickly rearranged them, attempting to bring his Priest book back to life.
The man above him sneered and then looked at the rest of the crew.
"Uh…we're not here." Meryl told him. "Please…ignore us."
But Knives was not afraid.
"Tell us your name, mortal!" Knives bellowed as he stepped forward. "Tell me before I bestow the utmost pain upon you."
The man snickered. "My name is Ash. And I would say that it's a pleasure to meet you…but it's not. Now who are you little brats and why are your arses on my property?"
"It was by chance, really," Demonte told him. "We're on our way to the meteor shower on the top of the mountain.
The man seemed to ignore Demonte. Instead he turned his attention to Vash.
"Hey kid. What's your name?"
"Um, oh. It's Vash."
"Vash, eh? Mine's Ash. I can already tell that we have a lot in common."
"And my name's Milly Thom––"
"Shut up!" Ash snapped. "I'm talking to Vash here."
"Hey don't tell Milly to shut up, you overworked stupid Cyborg!" Nick glared up at Ash, who still ignored him.
"So Vash, you're all heading to a meteor shower, right?" Ash, surprisingly, jumped down the steps of his porch and approached Vash.
"Uh, yeah. My friends are and all…" Vash glanced to the chainsaw on his arm. "May I ask what happened?"
"I had to chop off my hand." Ash answered bluntly.
Vash felt a twinge of familiarity in this. Could it be a key to the past…?
And the name was so similar too…
"Oh gee, that sounds horrible…" Milly gasped.
"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?" Ash looked at Milly. "I'm talking to Vash here!"
"If you tell Milly to shut up ONE MORE TIME…" Nick stomped off of the porch.
"This is great," Knives snorted. "Legato, kill the chainsaw man."
"As you wish, Master Knives," Legato bowed and then snapped his fingers.
"So anyway, I'll let you in on a little secret," Ash told Vash. "There's this time warp that goes between the past and the future and it's located in the…UCK!!!!"
Vash jumped backwards as the chainsaw attached to Ash's arm spiraled uncontrollably and his arm forcefully rose to his head.
"WHA-WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" Ash screamed.
"No, no," Knives looked at Legato. "That's too much blood for my poor twin brother to handle. Do it the OTHER way…"
"Oh…sorry Master…" Legato nodded and snapped his fingers again.
"Phew…" Ash fell, relieved once the chainsaw became dead. Suddenly, the chainsaw became unattached from Ash's wrist and fell to the ground, leaving a little stub as to where a hand should've been.
"Oh my!" Meryl jumped backwards (as did everyone else except Knives and Legato) and watched what happened next. Ash toppled over as foam poured from his mouth and his arms were pulled over his body, the bones popping out of socket.
"All right!" Knives laughed. "This is WAY better than watching the meteor shower!"
Meryl paused and then turned her head to Legato.
"LEGATO!" She screamed. "Stop it!"
"Legato's doing this?" Vash looked at the blue-haired psychopath. "HEY!"
"The Master requires blood…" Legato told them plainly.
"TACKLE!!!" Nick jumped on Legato from behind and they both fell to the ground. And so the mind-melding powers ceased and Ash…was furious.
"YOU LITTLE BLOOD WORMS! I'LL RIP YOUR HEARTS OUT!" Ash reached down and grabbed his chainsaw.
"You MORON! Now look what you've done!" Knives spat at Legato. "You ruined all the fun!"
"And now…we're leaving…" Demonte grabbed Meryl's hand and took off for the mountain, everyone else not hesitating to follow after. And Ash…continued to follow.
"All right Legato, NOW you can kill him!" Meryl shouted over her shoulder.
"Yeah, do it Slave!" Knives looked at his counterpart.
"Yes Master…" Legato looked back at Ash, who was still chasing after them and then the ground began to open up…and Ash fell into a giant ditch.
Several painful noises later, everyone stopped to make sure that Ash was dead.
"Oh…fudge…" Was all that was heard from within the ditch.
"Okay, he's not dead but he's not chasing after us either." Meryl glared at her companions. "Can we PLEASE go now and not have any more interruptions?"
Everyone except Knives and Legato agreed.
So about a half-hour later, everyone was sitting atop of the mountain, underneath a tree that had plenty of leaves and thick grass that blanketed the ground. The crew spread out and plopped down on the grass, waiting for the meteors to start. Soon they did and it was a marvelous sight.
"It's so romantic…" Milly said to Nick, who had an arm around her shoulder.
"Yeah," He said, smoothly. "Now's your chance Nick. Do it!"
And don't all stories have a happy ending?
"Legato! I'm bored!" Knives pouted. "Make this more exciting!"
"Yes Master…" Legato bowed his head and then looked back up at the sky. Suddenly, two meteors crashed together in a head-on collision and the entire sky was engulfed in flames.
"HEY!" Everyone except the two megalomaniac pyromaniacs (who were maniacs, lol) shouted. The romantic moment spoiled, Milly and Nick scooted away from each other.
"More! More!" Knives cheered.
Legato spotted another meteor and it changed direction and hit Ash's house…causing yet another wreckage.
"HEY YOU STUPID BRATS!!!!" Was heard all the way from the bottom of the mountain. "YOU JUST BLEW MY HOUSE UP!"
"Wow…Ash can sure shout far." Demonte glanced back down the mountain.
"What!? You mean he survived even THAT!?" Knives glared at Legato. "You mess up everything, Legato." Knives stormed off of the mountain.
"N-No wait Master!" Legato jumped after him. "I'll make more explosions!"
"No, don't." Vash narrowed his eyes at the both of them.
"Watch!" Legato pointed to the sky and random meteors began to crash into each other until the sky was so alit with flames, the debris began to fall to the Earth and set the forestry on fire.
"…Whoops…" Legato blinked at the wreckage he had just caused.
"All right!" Knives turned back around. "NOW I'm pleased."
"Knives! The forest is on fire!" Vash jumped to his feet. "What do you mean 'you're pleased'?"
"Isn't it colorful, brother!?" Knives laughed. "Now everyone must suffer!"
"That's it," Meryl grabbed Demonte's hand. "We're going back to camp."
Vash glared off after them…Melissa would be here SOON enough.
So…yeah…everyone avoided the path to Ash's house and went back to camp. The next morning, Knives was elated as he finally got the radio in tune. Demonte, Meryl, and Milly were busy making breakfast.
"Awesome!" Knives grinned. "They're talking about the meteor shower from last night."
"Oh no…" Meryl rolled her eyes.
"…And it was quite a surprising and yet fearful event as the meteor shower from last night resulted in tremendous fires all over the world! Several cities have been engulfed in flames and have still not been extinguished. The mystery enshrouding this catastrophe has yet to be discovered and why so many collisions within the meteors had occurred. This is Brenda Watson at GBS News. And now, back to you Brad…" Knives turned off the radio.
"Thanks a lot Knives. Once they find out that it was us, we're going to jail for a long time." Nick sat upon a log and waited patiently for his breakfast.
"Oh stop your whining, Wolfwood. No one is coming after us. No one could've seen that last night or even PROVE that it was us." Knives laughed as he stuffed the radio under his sleeping bag. "Speaking of which…where the heck IS that moron, Legato? He said he'd only be gone a few minutes. Hey, what's he doing anyway?"
"Taking The Great One for a walk." Milly chirped.
Knives seethed. "He's always with that blasted thing."
"Come to think of it, where is Vash?" Nick glanced at Meryl, who shrugged.
"They better get back soon otherwise they'll miss breakfast." Demonte had already begun to pass out plates.
As if on cue, Legato, with The Great One, walked back up to camp. Legato was holding a piece of paper and was busy reading it when he reached the camp.
"What's that, Legato?" Milly asked.
"They're posted everywhere." Legato answered. "Supposedly, today the park is hosting an air hockey tournament."
"What's the prize?" Meryl asked.
"An all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii for two." Legato smiled. "The Master might want to go…"
"Yes Legato, I would like––" Knives was cut off.
"What do you think, Master?" Legato looked at The Great One. "Do you want me to enter?"
Yes Slave. This sounds interesting to me.
"L-Legato!" Knives screamed. "Pay attention to me!"
Legato quickly hid the Magic 8 Ball. "Oh, so sorry Other Master."
"When is the tournament?" Demonte asked.
"Today," Legato answered. "At noon."
"Well then, Team! We'd better hurry!" Milly was quick to pass out the food she and Meryl had cooked. Demonte passed out the rest.
Meryl was worried when Vash didn't come back for breakfast. When everyone was rounded up, ready to go to the park's tournament, he still wasn't back.
"Where is he?" Meryl glanced at Demonte. "He would never miss breakfast…"
"I don't know…" Demonte said. "He'll be back…don't worry."
Just as the crew was about to take off, Vash DID come back…hand in hand with Melissa.
Meryl gaped. "W-What is SHE doing here!?" Meryl asked Vash.
"I'm shocked, Meryl," Vash narrowed his eyes at her. "Melissa IS my girlfriend after all."
"That's NOT what I meant, Vash. How is Rem going to take another person staying with us?"
"I'm sure she'll manage…" Melissa smiled and hugged Vash.
"…I'm going to vomit…" Meryl growled and Demonte patted her back.
"Just ignore them."
"HEY! ARE WE GOING OR NOT!?" Knives shouted back to 'the losers'.
"Going where?" Vash asked.
"Well if you had been here, you would KNOW." Meryl scowled.
"Hush Meryl," Demonte told her and then looked back at Vash. "We're going to a tournament. Are you coming?"
"No thanks," Vash told him. "I'm going to stay here with my girlfriend."
Meryl growled. "Fine…" She said through gritted teeth. "Do what you want.
"Let's just go." Demonte grabbed her arm and they all took off for the fairgrounds.
"Welcome to the 13th Annual Air Hockey Tournament!" The announcer greeted over the loudspeaker. "I hope you all have fun here today and good luck to all the contestants!" The announcer set the microphone down and grinned. "You'll need it…"
"Sign up Legato! Now!" Knives told Legato.
"Yes Master," Legato said and leaned down to sign up on the sign-up sheet. He looked down at The Great One who had tagged along in Legato's arms.
"I'll be your coach," Knives volunteered. "The rest of the losers are sitting in the bleachers up top."
"Yes, Master," Legato said absentmindedly.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, quickly take your seats! The tournament is about to begin!"
Once Legato came back, Knives was quick to take immediate action. "All right Legato. We HAVE to win this. Do you even know how to play air hockey?"
"No." Legato responded.
The abrupt "WHAT!?" resounded throughout the entire arena and Meryl cringed as she glanced down from the bleachers at Knives.
"What was that all about?" Meryl asked.
"Who knows?" Demonte said.
"I think that this will be fun!" Milly giggled.
"Hey, it's starting…" Nick pointed out.
"And the first match will be up against George Matthews and Bob Fudge!" The announcer called the two out.
From below, Knives was explaining strategy to Legato. When he saw the blank look on Legato's face, Knives sighed and said the only thing he could think of. "Fine. Just cheat."
"Yes Master," Legato bowed.
A few minutes later, a winner was called.
"And the match goes to Bob Fudge! Congratulations!" A pause. "Now, we have Fred the Big against Legato Bluesummers. May the match begin!"
Legato walked up to the table and set The Great One on the side.
Fred snickered. "Is that your toy, kid? That cheap piece of plastic?"
Anger flared in Legato and he snapped his fingers.
"Hahaha–GUK!!" Fred clutched his heart and fell to the ground as his bones began to crunch together and then rip apart. Paramedics were immediately contacted and Fred was carried off in a stretcher.
"And due to a spontaneous heart attack, the match goes to Legato! The next match will be against Ronny and Splat!"
"Spontaneous heart attack my butt…" Nick muttered from up in the bleachers. "Can't that dude tell the difference?"
"Let's just ignore them." Meryl told him.
A few matches later, Legato was back up to the table. His opponent was Bob Fudge.
"I'm gonna whomp you!" Bob laughed conceitedly.
"Just start," Legato told him.
The beginning was heated and everyone was on the edge of their seats. Finally, the puck spun past Legato and into his hole.
"POINT!" Bob cheered.
…But the score remained at zero.
"What?" Bob asked. Then he looked at the puck stuck in Legato's hole. The puck came to life as it fled from the hole and into Bob's.
"HEY!" Bob shouted. "You didn't even touch it! How did that happen!?"
"The first point goes to Legato!" The announcer called.
"Not fair! That point was mine!" Bob raged.
"Just keep going, you pathetic human."
And so Legato kept on…controlling the puck…and making his opponent lose.
Soon…Bob lost.
"CHEATER! CHEATER! CHEATER!" Bob jumped on top of the table and grabbed the score reader. Legato rolled his eyes as he snapped his fingers and the scoreboard electrocuted Bob Fudge. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The skin melted from Bob's face and soon his skeletal structure was the only thing left. Bob toppled, dead, off of the table.
"Boy…what a bunch of spontaneous deaths today…" The announcer muttered to himself but declared Legato the winner.
The next match was the semi-finals and Legato was up first.
Legato turned to The Great One. "Master, shall I compete in the semi-finals?"
Yes Slave…
"Then I shall!" Legato moved forward and competed again…and without saying too much…he cheated and won again.
And then he killed his opponent.
"AAAAAHHHHHH! OMG! OMG! MY HANDS ARE MELTING LIKE ACID RAINING FROM A VAST TESTING TUBE AND–––" Exclusion on the poetry…
Next came the finals and there were only two men left: Legato and a man named Cheese.
Legato turned to The Great One. "Master…this is it. This is the finals. If I win, I can go to Hawaii. Do you want me to compete?"
No.
"What?" Legato asked.
I'm hungry. Let's go home.
"I see, Master. Then I shall forfeit." Legato walked over to the judge and declared his forfeit. Then he walked off the fairgrounds.
"And since Mr. Legato has decided to forfeit, the prize goes to…MR. CHEESE!"
"YES!" Cheese jumped up into the air, punching a fist.
"WHAT!?" Knives jumped up from his chair away in the coaches' area. "LEGATO DID WHAT!?" Knives looked up at Legato. "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
"The Master is hungry," Legato told him. "He wants to go home now."
"BUT WE'RE AT THE FINALS! ONE LAST MATCH, LEGATO! H-HAWAII! DON'T YOU WANT TO GO TO HAWAII!?"
"The Great One wants to go home," Legato repeated.
From atop of the bleachers…
"I don't believe this…" Meryl buried her face in her hands. "He forfeited?"
"Let's just stay up here for a while until Knives calms down and accepts the fact that Hawaii is no longer an available option to him…" Demonte suggested.
"THERE YOU LITTLE BRATS ARE!" Everyone turned to the madman in the center of the arena. It was none other than Ash and he was pointing an icy finger at Meryl and the others as he started the chainsaw attached to his arm.
"On second thought…" Demonte stood up. "Let's get out of here."
-_- Blaaaaaaahhhhh I hate this chapter. Lol no I don't hate Ash but it was funny to watch all the bad things happen to him. You all probably don't agree but that's okay. Anyway so sorry for taking so long. I got better from last time…for about two weeks…but I live here where there's snow and so I have this really bad cold with an infection in my throat and I can't eat and I can't sleep and it comes prepackaged with the flu and…Moving away from the sickness…Yeah, that's why I haven't been updating. It's a lame sonuvagun that lingers on forever. I've had it for a long friggin' time. That's probably why this chapter sucks…cause I wrote it during sickness. Anyway, R&R and the next chapter will be better…lol I promise. ^_^
BLD