Disclaimer - I don't own LOTR, it belongs to New Line Cinema, Peter
Jackson, and most of all Tolkein.
Oh, and this story is not A/U. (Alternate universe) It's merely that we (the authoresses) needed a quick method of communications. There shouldn't be any more modern technology. Besides, it's a HUMOR story. Random-er things may happen. Also, I'm not that knowledgeable on every aspect of the book, sadly, so some things may not be accurate! Ashley knows WAY more than I do! Now, on to the story!
________________________________________________________ Legolas headed outside, the wind ruffling his hair affectionately. He heaved his sack of things over his shoulder and started off. He'd been walking only a mile when the screech of a hawk He looked up, shading his fair blue eyes with his hand. The hawk circled down to him and Legolas held out his arm as a perch. Sure enough, the hawk landed gently on his arm, then sank it's sharp talons into Legolas's arm. The fierce yellow eyes bore into Legolas's and the bird extended it's leg.
"Be at peace, mellon." (Friend) Legolas said gently. The hawk ruffled it's feathers and screeched softer. Legolas grinned and stroked the feathered back before realizing the hawk was a messenger. He unrolled the piece of parchment from the birds leg and held his arm far from his body. The hawk tensed, then sprang up into the air again with a cry. It circled for a moment, then flew off again. Legolas looked back at the parchment. He'd never known you could use a hawk for a message bird. Finally, he realized he had to read it.
Greetings from Gondor! Legolas, it's Aragorn.
'For Valar's Sake!' Legolas thought, exasperated. He prayed quickly to the gods that Aragorn had not called upon him to baby-sit. The last time he and Arwen had to leave Gondor, Legolas had been called upon to watch his children. Legolas shuddered. It wasn't that he didn't like kids. In fact, he loved kids! But demons, well, they're another story. After only ten minutes of being alone, Legolas had run out of ideas and stories. The kids began to clamor for his attention and fun activities, and in desperation, Legolas took them hunting. He winced at the memory. That turned out slightly...bad. One child wandered off, and while he searched for them, the others started a fire that nearly burned down four trees and a house, and badly scorched a member of the Council of Gondor. Legolas had left as soon as Aragorn arrived home, leaving the city quickly to save face. Finally, Legolas turned his attention back to the message, feeling very apprehensive.
Arwen and I have been extended an invitation for a party quite out of town. (Legolas cursed rather loudly in Dwarfish and managed to send six birds out a tree, thanks to Gimli's vocabulary lessons.) Don't worry, we wouldn't dream of asking you to baby-sit, not after last time! Anyway, Frodo asked us to come to his birthday party. So I'm assuming you've been invited too. Arwen and the rest of my family is coming as well. I was wondering if you wanted to travel together. That way you wouldn't have to travel alone. If you'd like to accompany us, send back a reply and we'll meet you at the Gap of Rohan!
"How do I send back a reply? I don't have a bird!" Legolas grumbled, scanning the blue skies to see if the bird lingered. No luck. Legolas sighed, shouldered his pack again and stood under a tree. To his good fortune, there was a bird sitting in the tree. 'Perfect!' Legolas thought smugly, quietly dropping his pack to the forest floor. Next, he began to climb up the tree. His hand squelched as it landed in sticky sap, and Legolas winced and tried to wipe it off. Instead, he managed to get three leaves stuck to his hand. The bird sat quietly, watching interestedly.
"Dortha tara!" (Stay still!) Legolas commanded quietly through gritted teeth as his palm was stabbed by a sharp piece of bark. He was now on the same branch as the bird. "Come here!" He said, extending his hand. The bird, blinked a cool, calm eye at him, and edged further away. Legolas moved forward again when he felt the branch shift beneath him. Desperate, he reached for the bird, his arm extended. Suddenly, there was a crack and the branch snapped. It crashed down, hitting other branches on the descent. Legolas finally tumbled to the ground, lying on his back. Spitting out a mouthful of leaves, he sat up, rubbing his back gingerly. Darts of pain were delivered through his body as he stood. The tree began to rustle as he approached it, as if it knew he had caused the branch to break. He backed up.
"Come here!" He shouted. The bird suddenly flew down and landed on his shoulder. Legolas stared at it in shock. All that...when it just....Legolas shook his head and pulled parchment out of his pack. With a feathered quill and some ink, he replied carefully 'I am going to the Shire as well. Meet you at Gap of Rohan. Can't wait to see the kids. That baby-sitting excursion wasn't too bad. Remember the drunken horse incident?' Legolas smirked as he pictured his friend reading the last sentence and tearing the note into bits before anyone else read it. Aragorn hadn't any mention of that incident. Legolas motioned to the bird and wrapped it around the bird's leg.
"Find King Aragorn, Ruler of Gondor. He's also known as Strider, Son of Arathorn, Dunadain," Legolas continued steadily for a few more minutes, then finished and let the bird go. It squawked once and flew off. Legolas watched it disappear and was about to start off again when he heard something crack behind him. Fast as lightning striking, Legolas had fitted his bow and was aiming deep into the forest. Something black scuttled away. Legolas began to back away, his pack of stuff safely with him again. A spider. Probably a child of Shelob. Legolas had heard all about it from Sam. The last time he visited the Shire, Sam had sat him down with Merry, Pippin, and Sam's children and began the story of the journey. It had been a great story the first time. Legolas had even gained an even deeper appreciation for the four hobbits. But after the seventh time, and Merry and Pippin's tenth pint of ale, Legolas was quite bored. Suddenly, the spider was darting towards him. Legolas quickly rolled out of the way and shot at the spider. It hit dead on, the spider squealed and dropped to the ground, making funny squeaking noises and frothing. Legolas grinned smugly and began to walk away. That was funny. He wasn't going anywhere. He began to walk faster. Still nothing. Then he realized, to his dismay, he was caught in a spider web! Several more spiders were advancing, and fast. The spider on the ground was waving it's legs in the air uselessly. Legolas could have sworn he heard it squeak 'I'm melting!' but he couldn't be sure. He struggled harder, his legs thrashing as he fought against his bonds. The approaching spiders were clicking their pincers menacingly, a thick, heavy substance dripping between them. Legolas didn't want to think about it. He shot a few more arrows, but the spiders approached. Legolas aimed at the corners of the web. One came down. He shot at the other. Two left. He shot at the bottom left corner. Just before he shot at the last corner, a spider reached out with it's leg and slashed his forearm. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Legolas shot the last corner. The web crumpled, completely covering him. Legolas got down and rolled under the spiders. He was nearly blinded by the stupid web. He got up and ran once he was sure he was clear of them. He began scratching at the heavy mesh covering, trying to get it off. It stuck uncomfortably to his body. A crackle of thunder rumbled overheard. Legolas cursed his bad luck as a heavy rain began to pour.
It was a sodden, bleeding Prince still half covered in cobwebs that emerged a few hours later from the dark recesses of Mirkwood Forest. He was running at top speed. In fact, he didn't stop until he reached the shores of the river Anduin, where he bought a small boat from a family that lived on the river and began to paddle downstream, towards Rohan. He slumped down in the bottom of the boat, exhausted. It was a very tired Prince of the Mirkwood Realm that had battled spiders and birds, hit three rocks, plugged the boat's holes with four fingers and six toes, and was tipped three times by a stubborn turtle. Five days after he started off, Legolas reached Rohan. He stumbled into the city of Edoras and came stomping into the palace.
"Eomer, I need a horse." He said, slipping on his own wet trail of river water and falling down onto his back, among the laughter from half the court of Rohan.
Oh, and this story is not A/U. (Alternate universe) It's merely that we (the authoresses) needed a quick method of communications. There shouldn't be any more modern technology. Besides, it's a HUMOR story. Random-er things may happen. Also, I'm not that knowledgeable on every aspect of the book, sadly, so some things may not be accurate! Ashley knows WAY more than I do! Now, on to the story!
________________________________________________________ Legolas headed outside, the wind ruffling his hair affectionately. He heaved his sack of things over his shoulder and started off. He'd been walking only a mile when the screech of a hawk He looked up, shading his fair blue eyes with his hand. The hawk circled down to him and Legolas held out his arm as a perch. Sure enough, the hawk landed gently on his arm, then sank it's sharp talons into Legolas's arm. The fierce yellow eyes bore into Legolas's and the bird extended it's leg.
"Be at peace, mellon." (Friend) Legolas said gently. The hawk ruffled it's feathers and screeched softer. Legolas grinned and stroked the feathered back before realizing the hawk was a messenger. He unrolled the piece of parchment from the birds leg and held his arm far from his body. The hawk tensed, then sprang up into the air again with a cry. It circled for a moment, then flew off again. Legolas looked back at the parchment. He'd never known you could use a hawk for a message bird. Finally, he realized he had to read it.
Greetings from Gondor! Legolas, it's Aragorn.
'For Valar's Sake!' Legolas thought, exasperated. He prayed quickly to the gods that Aragorn had not called upon him to baby-sit. The last time he and Arwen had to leave Gondor, Legolas had been called upon to watch his children. Legolas shuddered. It wasn't that he didn't like kids. In fact, he loved kids! But demons, well, they're another story. After only ten minutes of being alone, Legolas had run out of ideas and stories. The kids began to clamor for his attention and fun activities, and in desperation, Legolas took them hunting. He winced at the memory. That turned out slightly...bad. One child wandered off, and while he searched for them, the others started a fire that nearly burned down four trees and a house, and badly scorched a member of the Council of Gondor. Legolas had left as soon as Aragorn arrived home, leaving the city quickly to save face. Finally, Legolas turned his attention back to the message, feeling very apprehensive.
Arwen and I have been extended an invitation for a party quite out of town. (Legolas cursed rather loudly in Dwarfish and managed to send six birds out a tree, thanks to Gimli's vocabulary lessons.) Don't worry, we wouldn't dream of asking you to baby-sit, not after last time! Anyway, Frodo asked us to come to his birthday party. So I'm assuming you've been invited too. Arwen and the rest of my family is coming as well. I was wondering if you wanted to travel together. That way you wouldn't have to travel alone. If you'd like to accompany us, send back a reply and we'll meet you at the Gap of Rohan!
"How do I send back a reply? I don't have a bird!" Legolas grumbled, scanning the blue skies to see if the bird lingered. No luck. Legolas sighed, shouldered his pack again and stood under a tree. To his good fortune, there was a bird sitting in the tree. 'Perfect!' Legolas thought smugly, quietly dropping his pack to the forest floor. Next, he began to climb up the tree. His hand squelched as it landed in sticky sap, and Legolas winced and tried to wipe it off. Instead, he managed to get three leaves stuck to his hand. The bird sat quietly, watching interestedly.
"Dortha tara!" (Stay still!) Legolas commanded quietly through gritted teeth as his palm was stabbed by a sharp piece of bark. He was now on the same branch as the bird. "Come here!" He said, extending his hand. The bird, blinked a cool, calm eye at him, and edged further away. Legolas moved forward again when he felt the branch shift beneath him. Desperate, he reached for the bird, his arm extended. Suddenly, there was a crack and the branch snapped. It crashed down, hitting other branches on the descent. Legolas finally tumbled to the ground, lying on his back. Spitting out a mouthful of leaves, he sat up, rubbing his back gingerly. Darts of pain were delivered through his body as he stood. The tree began to rustle as he approached it, as if it knew he had caused the branch to break. He backed up.
"Come here!" He shouted. The bird suddenly flew down and landed on his shoulder. Legolas stared at it in shock. All that...when it just....Legolas shook his head and pulled parchment out of his pack. With a feathered quill and some ink, he replied carefully 'I am going to the Shire as well. Meet you at Gap of Rohan. Can't wait to see the kids. That baby-sitting excursion wasn't too bad. Remember the drunken horse incident?' Legolas smirked as he pictured his friend reading the last sentence and tearing the note into bits before anyone else read it. Aragorn hadn't any mention of that incident. Legolas motioned to the bird and wrapped it around the bird's leg.
"Find King Aragorn, Ruler of Gondor. He's also known as Strider, Son of Arathorn, Dunadain," Legolas continued steadily for a few more minutes, then finished and let the bird go. It squawked once and flew off. Legolas watched it disappear and was about to start off again when he heard something crack behind him. Fast as lightning striking, Legolas had fitted his bow and was aiming deep into the forest. Something black scuttled away. Legolas began to back away, his pack of stuff safely with him again. A spider. Probably a child of Shelob. Legolas had heard all about it from Sam. The last time he visited the Shire, Sam had sat him down with Merry, Pippin, and Sam's children and began the story of the journey. It had been a great story the first time. Legolas had even gained an even deeper appreciation for the four hobbits. But after the seventh time, and Merry and Pippin's tenth pint of ale, Legolas was quite bored. Suddenly, the spider was darting towards him. Legolas quickly rolled out of the way and shot at the spider. It hit dead on, the spider squealed and dropped to the ground, making funny squeaking noises and frothing. Legolas grinned smugly and began to walk away. That was funny. He wasn't going anywhere. He began to walk faster. Still nothing. Then he realized, to his dismay, he was caught in a spider web! Several more spiders were advancing, and fast. The spider on the ground was waving it's legs in the air uselessly. Legolas could have sworn he heard it squeak 'I'm melting!' but he couldn't be sure. He struggled harder, his legs thrashing as he fought against his bonds. The approaching spiders were clicking their pincers menacingly, a thick, heavy substance dripping between them. Legolas didn't want to think about it. He shot a few more arrows, but the spiders approached. Legolas aimed at the corners of the web. One came down. He shot at the other. Two left. He shot at the bottom left corner. Just before he shot at the last corner, a spider reached out with it's leg and slashed his forearm. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Legolas shot the last corner. The web crumpled, completely covering him. Legolas got down and rolled under the spiders. He was nearly blinded by the stupid web. He got up and ran once he was sure he was clear of them. He began scratching at the heavy mesh covering, trying to get it off. It stuck uncomfortably to his body. A crackle of thunder rumbled overheard. Legolas cursed his bad luck as a heavy rain began to pour.
It was a sodden, bleeding Prince still half covered in cobwebs that emerged a few hours later from the dark recesses of Mirkwood Forest. He was running at top speed. In fact, he didn't stop until he reached the shores of the river Anduin, where he bought a small boat from a family that lived on the river and began to paddle downstream, towards Rohan. He slumped down in the bottom of the boat, exhausted. It was a very tired Prince of the Mirkwood Realm that had battled spiders and birds, hit three rocks, plugged the boat's holes with four fingers and six toes, and was tipped three times by a stubborn turtle. Five days after he started off, Legolas reached Rohan. He stumbled into the city of Edoras and came stomping into the palace.
"Eomer, I need a horse." He said, slipping on his own wet trail of river water and falling down onto his back, among the laughter from half the court of Rohan.