Another poor attempt to cheat you of your tears!!
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20 December 2003
Harry's indeed dead, he's indeed left me behind while he continued his journey in the other world. No matter how I wish that it was a nightmare, the truth still hangs on.
I hated the world for playing such an evil joke on me, on us. We were separated by death just when we were about to start a new life together. I hate Harry for leaving me behind while he happily go looking for his parents and Sirius, we could had fight those bastards of the world together, side by side and die together.
After all, he did promise that he'll take good care of me till the end when he gave me the ring and asked me to be his wife. He broke his own promise, he didn't take good care of me, he left me behind to fend for myself. Oh, Harry! You broke your own promise to me just a few hours after you made it. You said that we would be together and happy forever but irony, it was so short lived.
The immerse amount of hatred in me made me sulky, driving me almost to insanity, I lost all will to live. I became a human shell with no feelings. I sank deeper and deeper into my own misery and darkness day by day, I sank so deeply that no amount of persuading from my poor heartbroken old mother could get me out of the dark hole I'm seeking refuge in until Neville came along into my life.
He talked a lot of sense to me, he made me feel secure and the most importantly, he reminds me a lot of my Harry. I trusted him, for he's Harry and my best friend. His patience, innocence and soft warm voice drew me out of the dark into the light that welcomed me like an old friend. Slowly, I became very dependent on Neville because in him, I could see the shadow of Harry, his bravery, his loyalty and his warm personality.
Mum, Dad and the boys had taken away every remembrance of Harry from the house. They took Harry's clock hand down from the clock, they keep away everything that was associated with him so that I would not be reminded of the tragedy, I felt that they had took away every memory of my poor Harry from me, there was no sense of my Harry in the house anymore, it even felt that there was no such person as Harry Potter in our lifes. That's why I had always wanted to be with Neville for he's the only source where I could still remember my love, I always see Harry in him.
It took Neville one long year of patience and guidance before I fully walk out of the shadow. I had learnt to let go off the hatred and accept love. It still hurts to think of Harry, my wounds were healing but there would be an ugly scar after the sore wound closes. The memory of the lost would always be with me like a scar could never heal into nothingness.
Now, I'm always in the company of Neville, I like to be around him, he made me feel loved. He's just so good a person; I loved him like a soul mate.
After some time, I asked to be brought to visit Harry's grave but they simply refused, they wouldn't tell me where he had rested. I missed him, I really did. Sometimes, I missed him that much I felt that a part of me was missing. I cried, sulked, throw tantrum, screamed and shouted but they just wouldn't let me visit him. Every time I thought of him alone lying six feet under the earth, I cried, for it hurts me a lot.
Oh, did they really insisted that I never see my poor Harry ever again in my whole life! He's my Harry, what right did they have to stop me from visiting him. It's so cruel! I hid myself in my room again and it's Neville who talked me round again. I was angry with them but Neville made me understand why were they doing this. They did all that for me, to protect me from further hurt and misery.
I felt so empty, so wrong; I felt that a part of me was missing never to be found. Although Neville tried very hard to be that missing piece of me, trying his best to fit into me, it's still wrong. He was of the same shape as the missing piece but he's from a different puzzle, only Harry was of the same puzzle as me, only he could fit into my puzzle. With him gone, that part of me would be forever missing, nothing could replace him and I'm the incomplete puzzle, useless without that missing piece.
Slowly, as time passes, I became totally reliant on Neville; I need his presence in my life to keep my sanity. We spend a lot of time together, more than I would with my family. I grew distant with my parents and brothers, although I knew in my heart very well that they loved me and I loved them too, but I couldn't bring myself to forgive them for separating me and Harry. When I was not with Neville, I cooped inside my room, I didn't want to stay around them, and they knew it but they simply let me be, because they loved me too much.
Days passed into months, I suddenly found that the love in Neville's eyes when he looked at me increased everyday; I began to feel uncomfortable under his bright blue eyes. The love in his was overpowering, I felt suffocating because this was the feeling I get when I saw Harry, I didn't expect to see feel this kind of undying love in another person's eyes and Neville reminded me of Harry and my unfulfilled promise. I knew Neville had fallen hopelessly in love with me, Ginny Weasley, Harry's left behind soon- to-be-wife.
I was afraid to look into his eyes for I couldn't bear to see the love in it when I couldn't give him love back. I had given my heart to Harry 15 years ago when I first saw him at the platform; I had decided that he's the one for me that day and I couldn't have it back anymore. I tried to stay away from Neville, finding ways and means to keep him away from me but it's impossible for a part of myself disobeyed me, I need Neville to be able to find myself, to keep myself from going insane from the lack of reminder of Harry. I was too dependent on him these years.
I deceived myself and Neville for I pretended that the love in his eyes was love of friendship, not love for me and that keep me from feeling bad. I had given Neville false hope but I selfishly let it be. The love in his eyes grew until I could not bring myself to look into his eyes anymore, I looked away every time he tried to catch my eyes. And he being a very innocent person, didn't detect my hypocrisy.
Too soon, the thing I'm dreading would happen, finally happened. No matter how I tried to avoid it, it still caught me, Neville proposed to me one day, pronouncing his undying love for me. I don't deserve him, I couldn't bring myself to be with him when my heart belonged to Harry. He kneeled in front of me, a ring in his hands, waiting for me to say yes, but I didn't. I stared at the ground not daring to utter a word, for I knew whatever I'm going to say, it's going to hurt this poor soul in front of me, so I kept quiet, keeping my glance on the ground all the time.
Slowly, Neville rose from the ground after some time of silence, although I didn't look at him, I could hear his heart breaking. He told me that he didn't mind if I could only offer him a percent of my love I had for Harry, he would still love me with all his heart, but I minded, I didn't want to ruin that love I had for harry by marrying someone else. There was no place in me for anyone else, I knew that I'm a heartless selfish bitch but so sorry I couldn't love Neville. He left the ring on my dresser, told me that he would wait for my answer and left my room with a broken heart waiting for me to heal.
After he had left, I went over to the dresser to have a look at the ring. It was simple gold ring with a heart shaped diamond at the middle, Harry had gave me a similar ring but with a heart shaped ruby and emerald side by side instead of the diamond. According to him, the ruby represents me and the emerald represents him and we would never be apart just like the two stones.
I lost the ring; it was nowhere to be found. I think it represents us, separated forever. Thinking of this, I cried again, I wet my whole pillow, weeping through the night. I miss him badly! I want to be with him till the end of time! Why can't Neville be him? I wept until my eyes swell and tears ran dry before I fell asleep from exhaustion, from the emotional burden but the sleep was not a peaceful one. I had broken Neville's heart!
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Sad huh? I almost cried when I was writing this!! Tell me that u r moved by my story, not because ur things dropped from ur locker or ur brother bite u!! Please, please review!! The responses is kinda poor for the previous chapter, I got disheartened!!
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20 December 2003
Harry's indeed dead, he's indeed left me behind while he continued his journey in the other world. No matter how I wish that it was a nightmare, the truth still hangs on.
I hated the world for playing such an evil joke on me, on us. We were separated by death just when we were about to start a new life together. I hate Harry for leaving me behind while he happily go looking for his parents and Sirius, we could had fight those bastards of the world together, side by side and die together.
After all, he did promise that he'll take good care of me till the end when he gave me the ring and asked me to be his wife. He broke his own promise, he didn't take good care of me, he left me behind to fend for myself. Oh, Harry! You broke your own promise to me just a few hours after you made it. You said that we would be together and happy forever but irony, it was so short lived.
The immerse amount of hatred in me made me sulky, driving me almost to insanity, I lost all will to live. I became a human shell with no feelings. I sank deeper and deeper into my own misery and darkness day by day, I sank so deeply that no amount of persuading from my poor heartbroken old mother could get me out of the dark hole I'm seeking refuge in until Neville came along into my life.
He talked a lot of sense to me, he made me feel secure and the most importantly, he reminds me a lot of my Harry. I trusted him, for he's Harry and my best friend. His patience, innocence and soft warm voice drew me out of the dark into the light that welcomed me like an old friend. Slowly, I became very dependent on Neville because in him, I could see the shadow of Harry, his bravery, his loyalty and his warm personality.
Mum, Dad and the boys had taken away every remembrance of Harry from the house. They took Harry's clock hand down from the clock, they keep away everything that was associated with him so that I would not be reminded of the tragedy, I felt that they had took away every memory of my poor Harry from me, there was no sense of my Harry in the house anymore, it even felt that there was no such person as Harry Potter in our lifes. That's why I had always wanted to be with Neville for he's the only source where I could still remember my love, I always see Harry in him.
It took Neville one long year of patience and guidance before I fully walk out of the shadow. I had learnt to let go off the hatred and accept love. It still hurts to think of Harry, my wounds were healing but there would be an ugly scar after the sore wound closes. The memory of the lost would always be with me like a scar could never heal into nothingness.
Now, I'm always in the company of Neville, I like to be around him, he made me feel loved. He's just so good a person; I loved him like a soul mate.
After some time, I asked to be brought to visit Harry's grave but they simply refused, they wouldn't tell me where he had rested. I missed him, I really did. Sometimes, I missed him that much I felt that a part of me was missing. I cried, sulked, throw tantrum, screamed and shouted but they just wouldn't let me visit him. Every time I thought of him alone lying six feet under the earth, I cried, for it hurts me a lot.
Oh, did they really insisted that I never see my poor Harry ever again in my whole life! He's my Harry, what right did they have to stop me from visiting him. It's so cruel! I hid myself in my room again and it's Neville who talked me round again. I was angry with them but Neville made me understand why were they doing this. They did all that for me, to protect me from further hurt and misery.
I felt so empty, so wrong; I felt that a part of me was missing never to be found. Although Neville tried very hard to be that missing piece of me, trying his best to fit into me, it's still wrong. He was of the same shape as the missing piece but he's from a different puzzle, only Harry was of the same puzzle as me, only he could fit into my puzzle. With him gone, that part of me would be forever missing, nothing could replace him and I'm the incomplete puzzle, useless without that missing piece.
Slowly, as time passes, I became totally reliant on Neville; I need his presence in my life to keep my sanity. We spend a lot of time together, more than I would with my family. I grew distant with my parents and brothers, although I knew in my heart very well that they loved me and I loved them too, but I couldn't bring myself to forgive them for separating me and Harry. When I was not with Neville, I cooped inside my room, I didn't want to stay around them, and they knew it but they simply let me be, because they loved me too much.
Days passed into months, I suddenly found that the love in Neville's eyes when he looked at me increased everyday; I began to feel uncomfortable under his bright blue eyes. The love in his was overpowering, I felt suffocating because this was the feeling I get when I saw Harry, I didn't expect to see feel this kind of undying love in another person's eyes and Neville reminded me of Harry and my unfulfilled promise. I knew Neville had fallen hopelessly in love with me, Ginny Weasley, Harry's left behind soon- to-be-wife.
I was afraid to look into his eyes for I couldn't bear to see the love in it when I couldn't give him love back. I had given my heart to Harry 15 years ago when I first saw him at the platform; I had decided that he's the one for me that day and I couldn't have it back anymore. I tried to stay away from Neville, finding ways and means to keep him away from me but it's impossible for a part of myself disobeyed me, I need Neville to be able to find myself, to keep myself from going insane from the lack of reminder of Harry. I was too dependent on him these years.
I deceived myself and Neville for I pretended that the love in his eyes was love of friendship, not love for me and that keep me from feeling bad. I had given Neville false hope but I selfishly let it be. The love in his eyes grew until I could not bring myself to look into his eyes anymore, I looked away every time he tried to catch my eyes. And he being a very innocent person, didn't detect my hypocrisy.
Too soon, the thing I'm dreading would happen, finally happened. No matter how I tried to avoid it, it still caught me, Neville proposed to me one day, pronouncing his undying love for me. I don't deserve him, I couldn't bring myself to be with him when my heart belonged to Harry. He kneeled in front of me, a ring in his hands, waiting for me to say yes, but I didn't. I stared at the ground not daring to utter a word, for I knew whatever I'm going to say, it's going to hurt this poor soul in front of me, so I kept quiet, keeping my glance on the ground all the time.
Slowly, Neville rose from the ground after some time of silence, although I didn't look at him, I could hear his heart breaking. He told me that he didn't mind if I could only offer him a percent of my love I had for Harry, he would still love me with all his heart, but I minded, I didn't want to ruin that love I had for harry by marrying someone else. There was no place in me for anyone else, I knew that I'm a heartless selfish bitch but so sorry I couldn't love Neville. He left the ring on my dresser, told me that he would wait for my answer and left my room with a broken heart waiting for me to heal.
After he had left, I went over to the dresser to have a look at the ring. It was simple gold ring with a heart shaped diamond at the middle, Harry had gave me a similar ring but with a heart shaped ruby and emerald side by side instead of the diamond. According to him, the ruby represents me and the emerald represents him and we would never be apart just like the two stones.
I lost the ring; it was nowhere to be found. I think it represents us, separated forever. Thinking of this, I cried again, I wet my whole pillow, weeping through the night. I miss him badly! I want to be with him till the end of time! Why can't Neville be him? I wept until my eyes swell and tears ran dry before I fell asleep from exhaustion, from the emotional burden but the sleep was not a peaceful one. I had broken Neville's heart!
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Sad huh? I almost cried when I was writing this!! Tell me that u r moved by my story, not because ur things dropped from ur locker or ur brother bite u!! Please, please review!! The responses is kinda poor for the previous chapter, I got disheartened!!