A/N: Thank you everyone for reviewing!!! You don't know how much I appreciate it.
It was quiet, very quiet. And still, it seemed as if the room were filled with statues, statues that looked as if to be in deep thought and meditation. It was as if no one breathed, but then, how much air do you need when you're merely sitting down.
The first to move, and to speak, was Haruka. She straightened up in her seat, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "So," She began. "Any ideas?"
"I suggest we assist the situation. Then take it from there." Ami answered.
"Our world is going to collide with theirs, eventually anyways. It may not be in this lifetime, but it will happen soon." Rei said thoughtfully.
"The motion has already been set, three of them know a little. The problem will be the Ministry of Magic, lazy punks." Makoto muttered.
"And it is beginning with me." Hotaru said, everyone looked at her questioningly. "I heard a prophecy somewhere, but I though it was just a bit silly. It said that I'd be the one who began and ended a joining of the three worlds, ours, theirs, and the muggle world." She said.
"Right, now let's move on to the problem at hand." Haruka said, clearly wishing that they talk about Hotaru's 'sickness'.
"Mistress 9." Usagi murmured, her fists tightened around the cloth of her skirt and she bit her bottom lip.
"It's not possible she could be stronger than Chaos, or Cosmos. Is it?" Minako asked.
Setsuna nodded, "We may pride ourselves on knowing a lot, but we do not know everything. I doubt that even the gods could see this coming. We thought that, when it came to the War Between Spectrums it all narrowed down to Cosmos and Chaos. It seems there is a whole range of Mysteries that we have not yet touched. Mysteries that are slowly unfolding themselves, mysteries that are still in creation. Oddly enough, Hotaru alone holds the key to these mysteries, though how I do not know, I've found that I do not know much. It all seems to lay in the past at this time." She said.
Everyone was silent again, not knowing what to say. Millions of questions were buzzing around in their heads, but they had to chose the questions carefully because some just didn't have answers.
"Why can't we get rid of Mistress 9?" Asked Rei.
"As I said before, she is a part of Hotaru, like a side of Hotaru's soul that took on its own form. I'm not sure what triggered it, but after a time she grew in power and was able to surface. Pharaoh 90 revived her so he could use her. I suppose she merely got enough strength back to revive herself." Setsuna answered.
"But, that doesn't seem…right." Ami piped up.
"What do you mean?" Asked Minako.
"I mean…well…if Mistress 9 needed Pharaoh 90 to revive herself inside Hotaru, and she was forced to use the power of pure hearts to take over Hotaru's body, what's fueling her now? She can't have gotten so much power in such a short amount of time…something had to have triggered it." Ami answered. "Or, she's getting power from a source."
"Could it be Pharaoh 90 again?" Minako asked.
"No, because remember that Pharaoh 90 was a shadow of Chaos himself so he couldn't be making her more powerful than Chaos." Makoto answered.
"Then what, or who?" asked Usagi.
"We don't know, everything seems to revolve around these mysteries, and, unfortunately, these mysteries more or less revolve around Hotaru. The key to her lies in the past, and the key to these mysteries lies in her." Setsuna said, "Though it pains me to say it, our only option is to wait. Mistress 9 knows more than we do at this point, obviously enough. The more clues she gives us, the closer we'll be to finding out what is going on. Michiru, I'm sure Madam Pince will be happy for your help, and Haruka, Madam Hooch would greatly appreciate an extra hand. The rest of you will have to leave after the Holidays, that is unless Makoto decides to watch over the cooking. I'm sure Minako could probably squeeze in as a floater, but I'm afraid the rest of you will have to go back."
"Might I make a suggestion?" Galaxia asked. No one had noticed her enter the room, in fact, Hotaru scarcely knew the door had opened at all. When no one spoke, mostly from shock, she went on, "We can't crowd Hotaru all the time, it'd seem suspicious. Haruka and Michiru will easily be able to take on volunteer work, but if any of you tried getting jobs it would raise a few eyebrows, especially Dumbledore's, and he has enough problems of his own to be worrying about without an addition of ours." She explained. She then held up her arm and Pandora teleported onto it. She had gotten fairly big, her feathers were a mixture of violet and black with bits of silver on the very tips of each. "My suggestion is that we take advantage of Setsuna and Silver's little setup here, also known as Pandora. What we'll do is, all of you will camp out in the Outer's mansion, we'll teleport messages with Pandora, and if you are needed you'll all be in one place so you can all be teleported at once." She said.
There was a pause, most of them were getting over their overall shock. Then many of the senshi's faces were fixed into frowns. "Who are you to tell us what we can and can't do?!" Demanded Makoto.
"I'm not telling you what to do," She said as Pandora moved to her shoulder, "I'm merely stating what you should do." She said leaning against the wall.
"How do you know it won't backfire?" Asked Minako.
"If you can think of a better plan then let's hear it." Glandria retorted. When no one said any more she went on, "Mistress 9 is more than a demon, as you all know, but she's more than just an incarnate as well. She's already given us a few clues. Hotaru, if you continue you're lessons with Snape he will report whatever Mistress 9 does or says to Setsuna. As for her sudden surfacing, there's nothing we can do about that. Eventually the Ministry will find out about us, eventually our worlds will collide, there's no sense in trying to keep things the way they are for as long as possible." She said.
More silence, but thoughts were buzzing with agitation. "She's right," Ami stated, everyone looked at her, "Besides, we can't leave Tokyo unguarded. It's a very large target for anyone." She said.
There was a murmur of agreement between everyone. Pandora chirped and teleported over to Hotaru's shoulder in a swift flash. She started nipping at Hotaru's hair in affection, as if to tell her everything would be alright. But Hotaru very much doubted it.
**********
Journal Entry, Unsure: All I can think to ask is 'why me?'. Why must I be the center of all these…'mysteries' as Setsuna calls them? Why do I have to bare the burden of Silence, why must I hold the sickle that brings death? Why must I bare an entity said to destroy the world at a given time? Why can't she just die!?
But she's a part of my soul, she can't die unless I die, and I can't die because I bare a Sailor Crystal, just like the rest of us. I thought it was hard at first, I really did. Her being there, inside of me. But there was the small hope that we could defeat her, that we could kill her. Now it's so much worse, we can't kill her, she's always going to be there.
I feel so weighed down with chains, I don't know if I can continue to carry this burden, this cross of mine. It just seems to be getting heavier, and me no stronger. But I can't set it down, I'm chained to it. There is no way out, it seems as if the walls are closing in on me, squeezing everything out to make room for darkness. There's no door, no window, not even a crack in the wall. I'm struggling to accept, but I don't think I can. How can I live with this? I have to though, there's no other choice but to do so. But how? Will it merely be an eternal struggle between me and her? Will one of these 'mysteries' lead us to find a way to seal her forever?
Setsuna said I was the key to all these mysteries, but how? Have they been locked away in my mind? Only to be opened by whatever was in my past?
No one really knows what happened to Saturn during the Silver Millennium, Setsuna says that it use to be a kingdom, and it use to be a part of the Silver Alliance. But we don't know what it was like, we don't know, everything seems to revolve around the fact that we just don't know anything. We don't know…I don't know…They don't know…
I'm still having problems believing that Mistress 9 could actually be more powerful than Chaos, but if there's a lot that we don't know, I guess it's possible. Just hardly acceptable. Chaos was very powerful, so powerful he was able to possess Galaxia, and she is extremely strong as well. I never thought I could ever amount to her level, and here I am, fighting off a demon inside of me more powerful than she is. What is it with power and strength? Why does it always boil down to the fact that we need more power to overcome our obstacles? What is power anyway? Is it merely physical strength? But then what is strength? What you use to lift heavy objects? Then I suppose it does come down to having more power, because I need more strength to lift this cross. Or is there something more? Knowledge is power, and we need knowledge to survive right now. Or is there something more?
I had a dream the night I spent in the Hospital, while we all camped out in my small room. Usagi shared my bed because I asked her to, the others cleared out chairs and piled up the cushions and blankets Setsuna brought in to compile some makeshift beds. I dreamed that I had so many chains wrapped around me that I could hardly stand. They were all trying to pull me down, but I couldn't go down with them, I had to stand, I had to keep going. They tried to choke me, but I didn't give in, I refused to give in, even when the chains were cutting into my skin because they were being pulled so tightly. I then saw the woman I had before, her loose, long hair nearly trailed on the ground as she swept over to where I was standing, being chained down. Her lavender eyes were so kind, and so sad, sad that she couldn't help me with my chains. She wrapped her arms around and held me like a mother would hold a child, she kept me standing, but she couldn't take away the chains.
I don't know who that woman is; she looks like Cosmos, sort of. But she also looks like someone else, though I can't figure out who. Could she be the key inside me? Could she be the answer to all these questions? How can I ask her?
I wonder why Setsuna can't see what the future is going to be like, why she is unable to tell us what these 'mysteries' are. Are there just too many different futures depending on what we do? Or is the future we know really going to come to pass? Is it changing because of what we're going through? Because of me? So many questions, so few answers. And so little time to get them.
**********
"Hi Hotaru!!!" Fred said cheerfully the next day. "What's wrong, you look down?" he asked.
Hotaru just sighed, relaxing herself enough to come up with an excuse, "I'm just not feeling very up today." She said, forcing a weak smile.
"Oh, that's too bad." George said.
Shakily, Hotaru was able to get through the day with no Homework to take her mind off of things…barely. She avoided the other Senshi, she avoided Kioko, and Draco as well. She kept to herself, taking books from the library and reading them in odd places so she wouldn't run into them so often. Of course, this resulted in unconscious wandering of the halls. Professor Snape caught her in the forbidden corridor again, the same one. He was little help, all he said was to try and pay more attention and lead her back the way she had come.
Late in the day Hotaru went into the Slytherin common room when it was empty. She found a secluded chair and curled up to start crying, all she could think of was Mistress 9 and all their problems, all their unanswered questions, and why. Why her?
It wasn't something she could leave behind, it wasn't something she could get rid of, it was something she'd have to live with because she had no choice. Hotaru felt herself begin to sink very low, a gripping depression was threatening to take hold of her.
Something nudged her shoulder and Hotaru was forced to look up from her sobbing. She found Kioko handing her a box of plain chocolates. "It's actually a remedy for Dementor aftermath. They make you feel as though you'll never be happy again, and you might as well be feeling like that." She said.
Hotaru took her chocolates and sniffed, "Thanks." She tried smiling, but just couldn't manage one right now.
Kioko pulled up a chair beside her and handed her a cloth to dry her tears. "I have an idea, why don't you, Draco, Harry, Cho, and I all get together and have a pity party?" She said wryly, "Even though I don't like Cho much, and our problems seem miniscule compared to yours…"
Hotaru whipped her face and relaxed a bit. She opened up her box and wordlessly started eating some of Kioko's chocolate.
Kioko started rocking back and forth in her chair. She laughed a bit but there was no humor in her voice, "Strange…I thought Dementors were scary, I thought Voldemort was someone to be reckoned with, I thought, next to the ministry, there wasn't anything else. Amazing how much I didn't know, how much it all seems insignificant now." She started breathing in odd paturns and sniffing, as if trying to fight back tears, "Oh why did it have to be you?" She whispered.
"Don't you start, I just finished." Hotaru said.
"Heheh," Kioko said feebly through her tears. She sniffed and swallowed to keep herself from continuing, then sighed. "I hate chocolate, but can I have some anyways?" she asked.
Hotaru nodded and handed her a few squares. Kioko popped one in her mouth and grimaced a bit, "It's not…too bad." She said.
There was a small flash and Pandora suddenly chirped atop Hotaru's shoulder. She then started nuzzling Hotaru's head and the girl pet her feathers softly.
"Hotaru." A gentle, familiar, voice swept through the air. Hotaru turned to see Galaxia standing beside them, "I think…there's somewhere we need to go. Privately. Kioko can join us on another occasion." She said.
Confused, as well as dreading, Hotaru stood up from her chair and walked to Galaxia, Pandora still on her shoulder. "My office if you would." Galaxia said to Pandora as she took Hotaru's hand.
********
"Hello Papa." Hotaru greeted softly, the bundle of flowers she had brought him in her arms.
Mr. Tomo set down his news paper, his right eye was patched up, but he still smiled with delight. "Hotaru!" He exclaimed tossing away the paper. "Come here and let me hug you." He said. Hotaru set her flowers down on the desk and gave her father a hearty hug. "Stand back and let me look at you. Wow, what a beautiful young lady you're turning into." He said, his good eye shining with love and joy. "How is school, are you doing too bad?" He asked as she pulled up a chair beside him.
"No, I'm actually getting good grades." She answered.
"Show him you're report card Hotaru." Glandria said kindly.
Hotaru complied and pulled out her slip of paper. Mr. Tomo's face lightened up even more, his grin threatened to split his face. "I'm so proud of you." He said, giving her another strong hug. "My Hotaru, and O average student at the best witches' school there is. You always were at the top of the class." He kissed her on the forehead.
"Oh Papa!!!" Hotaru wrapped her arms around her father's neck and started sobbing uncontrollably. Dr. Tomo wrapped his arms around his daughter and started petting her gently.
"Shhh, shhh. It's okay Hotaru, I'm not in any pain." He said. "I love you very much Hotaru, remember that okay?"
Hotaru sniffed and whipped away a tear, "Okay." She said feebly.
"Promise me something Hotaru." Mr. Tomo raised Hotaru's chin up so she had to look at him, "That you won't give in no matter what. That you'll peruse you're dreams, that you'll keep on going, that you'll continue to push onward and never stop. Okay?" He whispered.
"I-I promise." Hotaru said.
"Make sure you keep it, but just to remind you," He opened the drawer to his side and pulled out a small box. From it he took a small silver ring with intricate designs and a dark violet stone set in it. "I had Setsuna go out and find this for me to give to you. It's a magic ring, but I'm not sure what it does. You can figure it out. But I want this to seal your promise. Whenever you look at it make sure you remember." He said, he then slipped it onto Hotaru's middle finger.
Hotaru sniffed, "I will." She said confidently. She then hugged her Papa again and started silently sobbing on his shoulder.
Eventually Mr. Tomo had to go to sleep, but Hotaru didn't want to leave him, at least not the room he was staying in. He was sharing a room with a few others, one had been bitten by a werewolf, another had been bitten by a snake of some sort, he looked familiar, and the last one, a woman, she wasn't sure about. Her father had told her all this while he was still awake.
Hotaru wondered over to the man who'd had a werewolf bite and found him awake. "Hello sir," She said, trying to sound pleasant, but she couldn't. Galaxia had left her alone with her father, but she couldn't stand having no one to talk to. He looked very sickly, but he was still a person, and the other two were asleep besides.
He sat up a bit to look at her and then set his head back down on his pillows. "What do you want?" He asked hoarsely.
"Someone to talk to. I don't suppose it would bother you terribly." She said, trying to keep the tears from her voice.
There was a pause, then, "No, I suppose not. Have a seat and tell me your name." He said, referring to the chair beside him.
"Thank you." She said sitting down. "My name is Hotaru Tomo." She said.
"Ahhhh, so you're the one are you?" He said knowingly.
"Huh?" Hotaru gave him a questioning glance.
"Dr. Tomo over there," He motioned to her father's curtained section of the room, "Is you're father isn't he? He talks about you all the time." He explained, shifting into a more comfortable position. "Says you're the sweetest little thing with a strong spirit. He loves you a lot." He said.
Hotaru merely nodded sadly. "He-he's due to die the night before Christmas Eve." She said.
He let out a swift breath of air, "What a rotten Christmas gift." He said, though a bit sympathetically. "Sorry Miss Tomo. But it happens, healers can't fix everything." He told her.
"I know…I know. I just wish he didn't have to go so soon. I wish he could be there for me forever, but some wishes never come true, even if they hang in the air for as long as time goes on." She said, a bit dazed and mournful.
"Tortured artists usually get a good sum of money, maybe you should be a poet and let your feelings out like that." he suggested.
Hotaru sniffed and tried to swallow back tears. Tortured, more like tormented to the point. But maybe he was right, maybe poetry could help. Her Advanced Writing teacher had said that writing was a form of therapy for some people with depression.
"Tell you what," He said, attempting a way of cheering her up, "You write me a poem, no how about a prose, about what you're feeling inside and I'll get you something special." He said.
"Okay." Hotaru nodded.
For most of the time Hotaru had a nice chat with the man, she was able to get him to open up a bit, talk about his ex-wife, his children, how happy he had been with them and such. And she told him about her other parents who had taken care of her during her father's sickness. But then her father woke up and she went back to be with him.
*********
Journal entry, Poem: When we got back I went straight to my room without a note to anyone and started sobbing. I've already gone through this, but now there's something more.
I have Mistress 9 inside of me, I can't get her out, she's torturing me, trying to take over again. And there's no way out of this situation. But, I made a promise to my Papa that I wouldn't quite, that I would continue no matter what happened. And I intend to fulfill that promise. From this day forward I will face my fears, I will not allow her to control me or my life. I might brood and wonder if it's all worth it from time to time, but with this book as my witness I solemnly swear not to give up. I will fight to the end, I will continue to struggle until one of us wins or my existence ends.
Kioko came into the room and asked me what had happened, I told her about my father, and then she went off on a rant about fate and destiny. "Why does it all have to happen to you?! I mean, it's like there's just one thing coming after another. That-that thing living inside you surfacing, and now this?! Can the gods, or is it the fates, not get it into their minds that you're still human?! What did you do to deserve all this?! I mean, if you've had it since birth, what in the world could you have done as a itty bitty baby that angered them?! Why does everything have to be happening to you of all people?! I mean, maybe they're trying to attack me through you because you're my only friend since…never mind. Anyways, it's just not fair that all this has to be revolved around you! You have a demon inside you that's worse than Voldemort, gasp, and then you're father's due to die the eve of Christmas eve. What a crappy present! And of all the times for this to be happening, it's Christmas for Pete's sake!!! And I'm ranting again aren't I?" I nodded. She sighed. "Strange, how I go off on things when I can sum up everything into one sentence. Why does all this stuff have to be happening to you?"
There was a bit of a pause and then I asked, "Who was your first friend?"
Kioko just looked startled for a moment, and then remembered she had left herself open to that one. She shook her head and sighed. "I'd known her for, forever I guess. Her mom and my mom were friends before we were born pretty much. She was always a very smart one, and she was older than me too. By about a year. When she got her letter she jumped into every class she could and was getting high grades in all of them. She had been sorted into Gryffindor ironically, but she held no grudges with the other houses at all. In fact, she tried making friends with everyone she could. She was such a crazy one too." Kioko actually smiled a bit when she remembered. "I was always more mature, even though I was a grade behind it seemed as though I was her older sister. We spent all the time we could together. She was good, very good, at magic. I was sometimes jealous of her talents, not often because I have my own. She wasn't too good at Quidditch, I mean, she could fly fast enough, but she couldn't catch a ball or throw it with good aim. But she was good at art and nearly everything else, but especially art. She could write, sing, draw and make anything do whatever she wanted with the flick of a wand. She was better than me, or so it seemed sometimes, always landing Os while I got stuck with Es and Os." Kioko took a deep breath and looked as thought she didn't want to go on.
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me the rest." I said.
"No, I need to get this off my chest." She said waving it off, "Well, it was two years ago when both her parents and brother died, snake bites I think. She was able to defend herself against the snake, but had nowhere left to go. So she had to live with us." Kioko looked down at her hands, "She-she always could hide it, but she had a bit of depression inside of her. And she wasn't seeing anyone about it, no psychologist or psychiatrist, or anything. All she had was me to cry on when she felt…not herself. Well, at her house her parents never fought, they treated both her and her brother equally, unlike my family. She always had a big problem with how things were at my house and could hardly stand to be there for more than 2 days if my brother was there as well. We couldn't have very much privacy, not unless we ran to hide in the woods, but then my brother would attack my room and steal something. She-she had an overactive sense of justice, saw the unfairness of my house hold, and could hardly take it. She was too polite to say anything, but it was really hard for her to handle. So she…" Kioko could hardly keep it down anymore, she started crying. I put my arms around her and she cried on my shoulder.
"When we found her…knife in her hand and all her ligaments cut open…that's when my parents and brother lost any love they ever had from me. I knew why she'd done it, and I will never forgive my parents for it, and especially not my brother. She was more like family to me than they ever were. So, I stopped making friends period. I had been sorted into the Slytherin house already, but after that I actually started acting like it. Rune seemed to be the only one who made life at all exciting, without her I don't think I'd be landing so many Os in class. She'd have liked you a lot, and you'd probably have liked her. She could break through my poker face while no one else came even close. She was always making me laugh and making me do things you'd expect from her and not me. She would have helped you with your problems a lot more than I can." She said, whipping away her tears.
"I'm sorry about your friend." I said, feeling really sad for Kioko.
"But, you know what?" Kioko said to me, a week smile on her face. "You've been able to do the same thing. You got me to make friendship bonds with acquaintances such as Harry, Fred, and George. Well, Fred and George were two of Rune's best friends, that's how I knew them." She sighed and flopped down onto her bed. "Rune never acted mature for her age, but she was. She could understand things that some will never figure out until they're 60. She was a real problem solver, people would come to her all sad and stuff with their problems and the next day they'd be particularly happy. You seem to be able to do that too, you just don't have people walking up to you and asking for help in their love lives." She rubbed her face and sighed relaxingly. "I am so glad, I got all that out." She said.
"I suppose she was suffering from more than just a little depression." I said sympathetically.
"Yeah, she was a very strong person to go so long with it though. The morticians said she was carrying around a mother-load before she even came to our house. It was probably raised with the death of her parents and brother. And she wasn't taking any drugs to hide it either." She told me.
I never knew she had such a good friend. I got her to talk about Rune some more, partly because she needed to let these feelings out, partly because I was interested to know about Rune. The more I learn the more I feel as though maybe, just maybe, if Rune were still alive she could help me with my problems as Kioko was. But it still boils down to me, and no matter how much help I may have, the choice to proceed is mine, and I've made a promise to do so.
I've decided to go ahead and write the poem that man asked me to do, so here goes.
Chained to a cross I can hardly bare
Life threatens me with rings beyond despair
Nothing I do will take these bonds away
And now there is a blade that causes me to sway
A promise I have kept, so far anyways
Into the darkness I have leapt, chasing my fears away
The years I have left, and thought it just a dream
Now I can't run away, it's coming back to me
Struggle as I might it'll never leave
There's no way out and I can hardly breath
Reaching out, but there is no dream
I have to live my life beyond this scene
'Crucify' they whisper in my ear
Death is here, death is near
A picture's worth a thousand words
But what are those words that they should be heard?
Keep the words that are silent and still
Shut off the mind, a promise may heal.
Sigh, not good enough. Or rather not vague enough. I'm suppose to be writing about how I feel about my papa dieing. I suppose I'll try again.