The new edition, books nine and ten included! Enjoy it, or cry to me. Just don't cry on me.


I am Olaf



I am a Count, Olaf's the name, I come in many sizes,
Everywhere I travel to I'm always in disguises.
I'm chasing after money form some kids called Baudelaire,
But they always manage to get away, it simply isn't fair!

At first I was "Sir" Al Facoont, a very famous playwright,
But Violet screwed up my plans while still performing the play right.
They went to live with Monty, Stephano I became,
When I killed their uncle their lives would never be the same.

Their stupid Aunty Josie believed that I was Captain Sham,
My cleverly devised plan made the leeches eat her ham.
The orphans then worked at a mill, I took the name of Shirley,
When still I hadn't captured them things started looking surly.

The kids went to an Academy, Coach Genghis was in need,
I sucessfully grabbed some Quagmires, they're dangerous take heed!
As Gunther I managed to auction off the triplets inside a fish,
But to catch and hold the Baudelaires is beginning to look like a wish.

While being Dupin I'd made them all believe that I was dead,
Then things all failed as usual when my plans were put ahead.
As Matthias I was almost able to get Violet's head removed,
But then the other half of the hospital still needed to be rooved.*

So angry was I in the Hinterlands when the Baudelaires fooled even me
But just when they thought they'd won the game I was landed with little Sunny
We'd set up plans to burn things down when we saw our bosses arrive
But when the baby's siblings showed up things really took a dive

So that's my true identity, a most amazing man,
I'm evil, rich and greedy so catch me if you can!

Yep, try and catch Olaf. But the question is, what would you do with him once you grabbed hold of him? Hm?