A/N: Ahem, I am happy to announce that, for some great fun, I have decided to do one of those Ask (whoever) things, only it's going to be an Ask Kioko thing. Aren't you all happy? The way it'll work, until I figure out how to manipulate my new web space into something that resembles more than text, is that people will need to e-mail me questions for Kioko, with the subject being 'ask kioko' or something, and they'll be put on a mailing list that will get an update on this 'column' ever time I have 5 of these written out. And even if you don't have a question just give me your e-mail address and I'll add you to the list. I'd like to say that this isn't some scam to send you Spam (hey that rhymed!), but "That's what they all say!" So I'm just gonna have to ask that you trust me when I say I'm doing this purely because it promises to be a hoot. (Warning: Kioko will insult stupid questions as well as people trying to get spoilers, she doesn't sugar coat anything, and will be brutally honest)
(Song by Linkin Park (with a few modifications), Title: Numb)
I'm tired of being what you want me to be/ feeling so faithless / lost under the surface/ I don't know what you're expecting of me/ put under the pressure/ of walking in your shoes
[Caught in the undertow/ just caught in the undertow] every step that I take is another mistake with you [Caught in the undertow/ just caught in the undertow]
I've/ become so numb/ I can't feel you there/ become so tired/ so much more aware/ I'm becoming this/ all I want to do/ is be more like me/ and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me/ squeezing to tightly/ afraid to lose control/ 'Cause everything that you thought you could be/ has fallen apart right in front of you.
[Caught in the undertow/ just caught in the undertow] every step that I take is another mistake with you [Caught in the undertow/ just caught in the undertow] and every second you wake is more than I can take.
I've/ become so numb/ I can't feel you there/ become so tired/ so much more aware/ I'm becoming this/ all I want to do/ is be more like me/ and be less like you
And I know/ I may end up falling too/ but I know/ you are just like me with someone taking over you.
I've/ become so numb/ I can't feel you there/ become so tired/ so much more aware/ I'm becoming this/ all I want to do/ is be more like me/ and be less like you
I've/ become so numb/ I can't feel you there/ tired of being what you want me to be/ I've/ become so numb/ I can't feel you there/ tired of being what you want me to be/
Like it? It's a new song Kioko introduced me to. I changed the words around to try and fit it with my predicament, though some of it is a bit off, that's okay. I'm not perfect, don't care what Ryuuza (Draco) tries telling you.
It's scary, but I think I've become a bit, use, to Mistress 9's presence within me. Its like I have to search deeply to feel her inside of me, and when I do this I can hear her taunts, her threats, and sometimes things that are scaring me more than that. The last time I did this she said, "Come on, Little Messiah, remember your past. After all, once you remember, everything will come together won't it? Everything revolves around your past doesn't it? It'll be my treat when you finally remember." And the time before that she had said, "I know something about Kioko that you don't, I can't wait until you find out!"
She wants me to remember the past, but why!? Why is she doing this to me!? Why can't she just leave me alone?
I suppose I should write down what else has been going on, though I'm not in the mood I'll do it anyway.
Fred and George's escape was told and retold so many times there've been several different versions of it already. But other than that, things have started to get relatively dull around Hogwarts. Stressful with the O.W.L.s approaching, but dull. I'm almost thankful that we didn't find anything that we were actually looking for in the Chamber of Secrets, but now Kioko wants to fix the place up and make it into a sort of hideout. I'm really not in the mood for doing that kind of a thing at the moment so she's not pushing the subject too much.
The students have done some uniting thing and are starting to get into the anti-Umbridge spirit, I really don't care though. Hard to believe, but I just don't care about it. I have bigger problems than Umbridge and school things.
I quite the Slytherin Team, Millichent had a cow, but I don't think I could take it anymore. I have everything else on my mind, I'd rather get by without something that isn't entirely necessary. I'll probably get back on next year, maybe not, but I just need some time to myself. It seems Mistress 9 is leaving me alone for the most part, I haven't had any more of those wandering spells lately, but she's still sending me nightmares. However I no longer have to go off to the informatory after the same major one. It wouldn't do any good anyway, Madam Pomphry has no idea what I'm undergoing and Setsuna-mama still hasn't come back, so why bother going to the hospital for it? I think I'm numbing to that too because I've been having these nightmares often and I'll wake up with my forehead seeping blood in the shape of my symbol.
Kioko…I'm starting to worry about her now. She's been having nightmares too, and I can't help but remember what Mistress 9 said about her. I sat down one day and actually talked to Mistress 9 once, well, not really talked, but I did say something to her. "Don't you dare hurt Kioko, I mean it!" She just laughed at me, as if it was a futile attempt.
"I won't have to." Was all she said to me.
Kioko's in danger, and there are some things she isn't telling me. Her nightmares can't be merely about a silver ring in the sky. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night because Shiva is nudging me, then I'll find Kioko tossing and turning, sweating in her bed, mumbling something under her breath, and frantically twisting around so that she gets tangled with covers. Of course I wake her up, but she clams she forgot what her nightmare was about. She's lying I know, but eventually I feel she'll tell me. However if it isn't soon I'll have to resort to reading her mind during her nightmares. I can't just stand by and watch her suffer by herself.
That isn't the least of my troubles, of course. Millichent is continually badgering me left and right, I'm starting to break and I know it. I have to clutch my hands together to keep myself from using one of Kioko's more infamous hexes on him. It's getting hard, I can't even cry.
The Quidditch Match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw only enhanced my worries about Kioko and her connection to us. Ryuuza sat to one side of me and Kioko the other. Well, what first made me suspicious was that she didn't cheer when Ron blocked a hard goal. Then I turned and saw her breathing heavily, shivering, and sweating at the same time.
"K-Kioko?" I whispered taking her arm, then I saw it, I saw what she was seeing.
It was like the world around us was merely a faded image, and what she was seeing was the bigger picture, it was like Harry's Occlumancy visions.
First I saw a man with his back towards me, walking away. I reached out but he was already gone. Then I saw a court of many people in a large room, but I left it. Then I found myself in a field of black crystals, I was running, crying because of something. I was crying black tears, several wounds all over my body. Then I found myself walking up into a temple, a ring of silver light stood among the pedestals. I cast a spell to close the ring, but just as it was about to close I fell to the floor, slashed in the back. Slowly, slowly I turned around to face my death, and I saw…
The image stopped there, only after it was through did I realize that it wasn't me, it was Kioko's nightmare. Bits and pieces of it anyway, I didn't see everything. After that, though, Kioko acted as if it didn't even happen. I'm not sure if she just didn't see it, or if she's trying to hide it from me again.
What is her connection with us? I can't seem to figure it out, she has something to do with all of this, and it's a bigger part than what we think. If only Setsuna were here.
Sigh, June is just around the corner, so I'd better start studying more for the O.W.L.s.
***********
With the O.W.L.s just around the corner, 5th year students left and right were stressing out, but Hotaru wasn't too worried about it. What she was worried about was Kioko, Mistress 9, her foster parents, the usual. It seemed Draco and Harry were too busy with the O.W.L.s to plot against Kioko, and Kioko was too busy with the O.W.L.s to think about what they might be plotting.
Hotaru seemed the only student who wasn't stressing out because of the O.W.L.s, she even had people come up to her and ask, "How do you do it?!" she just shrugs and clams that she just doesn't think about it.
The quick pens weren't allowed, even if they had no spell on them to write correct answers. Hotaru had to make due with her plane pen, but that was okay, she could write fast as well.
The morning the examiners arrived would have been normal, if they didn't concern the O.W.L.s so much. Kioko did some last minute studying, though Hotaru noticed she was reading a N.E.W.T. standard book. "Nervous?" Hotaru asked her.
"About the O.W.L.s? No, actually I can't decide what classes to take for next year. I know I'll do well in all of the ones we've been taking, but I'm not sure if I want to push myself and take all of them next year or not. The holidays are nearing, unfortunately, so I only have a precious month of school before going back to the hell hole that is my house." Kioko sighed. "The instant I turn of age…" She mumbled.
"Oh, didn't Dumbledore tell you?" Hotaru asked sitting down beside her.
"Tell me what?" Kioko asked, setting her book down.
"Well, he's sending me to Harry's house to stay for the summer so that I can protect Harry and we'll both be protected from Voldemort. And well…just in case Mistress 9 resurfaces, he wanted you to come along as well so that Harry won't be the only—" Hotaru couldn't finish her sentence before she was squeezed forcefully.
"Hotaru, I LOVE YOU!!!" Kioko exclaimed. "No annoying Squib! No annoying parents! Just you, Harry, and whoever he lives with!"
The next day all the 5th years entered the Great Hall, which now consisted of personal desk spaces facing Professor McGonagall. Kioko and Hotaru sat down beside each other. "You may begin." The professor told them.
'Okay, why do we have to take these things? We're going to get Os anyway.' Kioko asked, her pen flying across her paper.
'But we need to let them know that.' Hotaru answered, scribbling down a description of wand movements for a levitation charm.
'Haven't read the paper recently have you?' Kioko asked smirking a bit.
Hotaru blanched, 'Not another one!'
'Excuse me, but could you two keep it down, some of us who can hear you are trying to do our work!' Draco hissed, using the Silent Language himself, which was a first. Hotaru would have to congratulate him later.
Hotaru turned back to her work and let her pen fly across the paper. Wow, this was easier than she had thought. 'Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy!' Kioko said as if to drive everyone who could hear her up the wall. Hotaru could have sworn she saw another Slytherin look as though they were hearing things.
"That wasn't so bad." Kioko said yawning a bit.
"Speak for yourself, Night." Draco grumbled irritably.
"Congratulations on learning the Silent Language, Ryuuza." Hotaru said, trying to keep the stress down.
"The what?"
"That's what you were hearing, and speaking, when you said 'some of us who can hear you are trying to do our work!' Didn't you know?" Kioko asked.
"No, I meant those around you who could hear you. Wait…" Draco stopped for a moment and looked confused. "I thought that…"
"That's basically what that language is. Man, you don't even know what it is and you were speaking it! Talk about learning to walk before you can crawl." Kioko muttered.
"Well excuse me, Lady Hex, but not everyone knows about your secret mind language!" Draco hissed angrily.
"Try it again." Hotaru said.
"Try what again?" Draco asked.
'The Silent Languag.' Hotaru answered.
'What, you mean this?' Hotaru nodded, 'Wait, you can hear me?!'
"Good grief, Malfoy." Kioko sighed rubbing her face. "You're catching on a little slow."
While waiting to be tested on charms Hotaru could just feel the tension in the air. She forced herself calm, however, by thinking of several other things. Such as how well she had matured in Kinetics, maybe she could get some extra points by casting the charms without a wand. When she heard her name called she entered the room. "Go on to Professor Tofty Miss Tomo." Said Professor Flitwick.
"Hai." Hotaru answered, moving smoothly over to the old looking man.
"Hotaru Tomo is it? Well, it seems I'm getting all the famous people around here. Now then, make this eggcup flip around in the air for me will you?" He looked around and then leaned in to say, "Extra points if you do it without a wand." He smiled. So she was right, she would get extra points doing that. Hotaru flicked her wrist and lifted the cup into the air.
All in all, Hotaru was sure she got at least a high E. Tofty seemed very impressed with her ability to perform 'perfect charms without your wand!' Though he commented that Kioko had done quite well also, 'In fact she did a bit…too well if you know what I mean.' Hotaru sighed, Kioko probably went overboard again.
It seemed the same way Tuesday when Hotaru preformed her Transfiguration perfectly, without a wand. Her Kinetics teacher had obviously heard about this and expressed her pride when she handed Hotaru a swift box of candy next time they saw each other that day. After that she took her Ancient Magic test, feeling as though she landed a good grade the day went very smoothly after that.
Wednesday was Herbology, though Hotaru wasn't too sure of herself when she started, she felt that she had done a reasonably good job, after that she had a examination in Rituals, which went well despite the lack of confidence she had in that as well. But Thursday she felt very confident that she passed the written exam with an easy O thanks to Glandria and Harry's training. Professor Marchbanks was testing her then, she didn't seem like the type who'd see Hotaru's Kinetics as skill instead of showing off so Hotaru got out her wand, but the Professor held up her hand, "Now, now, you haven't been using a wand so far, no need to start now." Translated roughly, it was a challenge. Even though Hotaru wasn't someone to be encouraged by a challenge, she still did her best, and that was pretty well too.
"It's because you're at N.E.W.T. level already," Kioko explained afterwards. "You can do O.W.L. stuff without a wand easily. But I doubt it'd be a walk in the park to do anything N.E.W.T. standard without a wand." She said snacking on a nectarine. "Speaking of which, I think I'm finally getting my own Kinetics down. Watch." She said sitting up. She then pointed to a plate and it started lifting into the air, just a little, but it still floated.
"Oh wow!" Hotaru clapped, "Yay Kioko!"
"Now all I need is practice, after the O.W.L.s." Kioko stated putting the plate back down.
Ancient Runes went just fine Friday, and they had the week off to rest. For some reason Hotaru just felt tired and wanted to do nothing more than sleep in on Saturday. Sunday, unfortunately, she had to take some O.W.L.s for the extra optional classes she was taking. Though because there'd be few in each class they could squeeze it all in pretty well.
She had, first Illusionary. Which went pretty well, the professor was quite impressed with her ability, even though it was still a very basic illusion she conjured up. Then there was Kinetics, a subject in which if there was a higher grade than O she would have scoured it confidently. She was able to successfully Conjure up a rat from Diagon Alley during that O.W.L., Rituals went very well, and she imagined that the cake she baked would achieve a good grade at least. And then it was Monday.
Potions was very easy for Kioko and her, though it was not so for many others. Hermione was in a very snippy mood and Hotaru imagined it would continue until after the O.W.L.s. After Potions she had Natural magic, which went fairly well.
Care of Magical Creatures didn't go very badly. Hotaru's soft air calmed most of the creatures she handled and, because Kioko liked Unicorns a lot, she was able to correctly pick out a proper diet for the creatures.
Wednesday's Astronamy theory went well, they'd have to wait till the evening to do the examination, but Hotaru suspected an easy O. And after that Hotaru was given a bit of time off because Divination was the next Examination and she never took that class. But then was the actual Astronomy Lesson. Hotaru didn't really need to look through her telescope more than once or twice before she correctly and swiftly mapped all the stars in their proper locations.
And suddenly the doors to the castle opened up below her, Hotaru, having finished the work, set her chart down and investigated. A group of people walked along the path below her, the leader of them was Unmistakably Umbridge. Soon Kioko joined her. 'Umbridge' she hissed quietly to Hotaru.
"Ahem!" Said a voice behind them.
"We're through professor." Hotaru whispered, handing her chart over. Kioko nodded and did the same before looking back to see what was going on. Hotaru looked through her telescope just as the people knocked onto Hagrid's door. There was the sound of a dog barking, the door opened, and the people entered the house. They looked as though they were talking. Hotaru decided to turn her telescope back up to the stars so she could look at the moon. But then there was a loud roar that jerked Hotaru's attention, and many others', on to the cabin.
"Try to concentrate, Now, boys and girls," Professor Tofty said clearing his throat. "Ahem—Twenty minutes to go."
Hotaru and Kioko stared transfixed at Hagrid's cabin. There was another loud noise, but this time it was a bang that caused several people to poke themselves in the eye with their telescopes. The door burst open, and there was Hagrid, fighting off the five people who were attempting to stun him it looked.
"No!" Hotaru heard Hermione cry out.
"My dear! This is an examination!" The Professor exclaimed venomously.
The stun spells seemed to be bouncing off Hagrid, cries echoed throughout the grounds. "Be reasonable, Hagrid!" Exclaimed one, though Hagrid's reply was, "Reasonable be damned, ye won' take me like this, Dawlish!"
Hagrid's dog barked with furry, trying to protect his master. When suddenly Hagrid was struck with a stun spell he fell to the ground and, in his fury, he grabbed the person who did it and threw him ten feet at the least. The man didn't get back up. Hotaru's hand was over her mouth and she was holding her breath, what was going on?!
"Look!" Someone exclaimed as the doors open and…Professor McGonagall ran towards the fight scene.
"Now, really!" Professor Tofty tried, "Only sixteen minutes left, you know!" But no one paid him any mind.
"How dare you! How dare you!" McGonagall exclaimed. "Leave him alone! Alone I say! On what grounds are you attacking him? He has done nothing, nothing to warrant such—" Hotaru let out her breath in a shrill scream that was accompanied by others. Four or five jets of red light hit McGonagall.
"Professor!!!" Hotaru screamed.
"Galloping gargoyles!!!" Tofty exclaimed.
"COWARDS!!! RUDDY COWARDS! HAVE SOME O' THAT—AN' THAT—" Hagrid yelled.
Hotaru turned around on her heal and closed her eyes tightly, but she could still hear the battle, and could guess what was happening. "Get him, get him!" Umbridge screamed. Get the half human you bungling idiots! I want him thrown out! Umbridge's thoughts entered Hotaru's mind. Oh how she hated her, that, that vile and twisted woman.
'It would be so easy to hurt her you know. No one will notice something odd if she passed out now would they?' a voice whispered into her mind. Yes, there was Umbridge's mind, an open door, so easy to harm, so easy…it would be her just rewards…
A loud, piercing shriek erupted from Umbridge, it was almost inhuman. Hotaru let go imidetly and spun around. Hagrid was running into the forest, Umbridge was there, on the ground. Hotaru saw her face up close unintentionally. And she forced her eyes closed, unable to accept what had just happened she backed away from the edge and turned around, feeling as though she was going to be sick. Hotaru collapsed onto the ground and the noises died down as the battle ended. The frail girl tipped over and fainted just before hitting the stone.
*********
Hotaru opened her eyes, expecting to see Setsuna, but no. She was merely in her familiar hospital room, recovering from last night. Oh where could Setsuna be at this time? Especially when Hotaru needed her this badly. Why, oh why couldn't she be there for her?
It was obviously morning from the light flooding through her window, so Hotaru sat up and got dressed.
"And just what do you think you're doing? Breakfast in the Great Hall isn't for another thirty minutes." Hotaru looked up and saw Galaxia entering her room with some sort of box in her hand.
"Oh, hi Glandria-mama." Hotaru said with suppressed enthusiasm, she then let it burst from her and she ran to hug the Astronomy teacher. She busted into tears and almost yelled, "It was awfull!!!"
"Sssshhh, calm down Hotaru. It'll all be sorted out once Dumbledore returns, you'll see." Galaxia hushed closing the door.
"No…it's not that…" Hotaru sniffed. "I-I-I think I did something…to Umbridge that night. I-I tapped into her mind and…and I hurt her! I made her scream and faint like that!" Hotaru confessed. "I didn't mean to, I just…I was just so furious with her, and Mistress 9 was…she was edging me on…."
Glandria looked shocked, "You did that?! We thought Hagrid had let loose some strong untraceable powder to knock her out. Wait, Hotaru, how was Mistress 9 getting you to do this?" She asked concerned.
"She was, she was saying things as though I was thinking them, it was like she was whispering them into my ear. I didn't think it was her at first…" Hotaru said, whipping away her tears.
"Hotaru…Mistress 9 shouldn't be able to talk to you unless she's in complete control or you let her…she shouldn't be able to do that…Never mind." Glandria said quickly. "You'd better gather yourself up, just repeat 'it wasn't my fault' in your mind a thousand times and refuse to think of it until we can sit down and talk about this. I'll send word to Cosmos and see what she thinks." She finished.
But it was easier said than done. Hotaru was so very thankful the entire day consisted of mostly the rest of her Examinations and she had few moments to think of anything else. The last class was History of Magic, even though she was not looking forward to it's ending.
But something odd had happened during History of Magic. Hotaru was sitting beside Harry, and then it happened, almost exactly like Kioko's nightmare, only this time it was Harry's nightmare. Part of her nearly done worksheet faded into a dream.
She was walking down a cool, dark corridor, walking firmly and sometimes breaking into a run in her hast to near the door at the end of the tunnel. The door swung open and she found herself in a circular room with many doors, she walked straight across the room to the second door. There were interesting patches of light on the floor and walls and odd clicking noises all about, but she mustn't delay, she had to hurry. In she went into another room, a room full of shelves with misty orbs on them. She reached row number ninety-seven and went left into the row of spheres.
There was a shape in the darkness at the very end of the row, a black shape, wounded, Hotaru felt a foregn emotion of fear and excitement. And then a voice came from her mouth, as if Mistress 9 were controlling her, though the voice was male…and yet it was cold and emotionless, devoid of any human kindness, almost like Chaos… "Take it for me…Lift it down, now….I cannot touch it…but you can…"
The black shape moved a bit, Hotaru saw a long fingered white hand clutching a wand, the hand wasn't hers, and it wasn't smooth enough to be Mistress 9's. But she lifted it anyway, and heard that same, empty voice say, "Crucio!"
The man lurched and screamed in pain, and Hotaru felt a cold laugh emerge from the foreign throat. She raised her wand and lifted the curse, the figure became motionless once more. "Lord Voldemort is waiting…" She whispered cruelly
The man lifted his head, his face bloodstained and twisted with pain, yet still defiant. "You'll have to kill me." Sirius Black whispered.
"Undoubtedly I shall in the end. But you will fetch it for me first, Black…You think you have felt pain thus far? Think again…We have Hours ahead of us and nobody to hear you scream…"
But someone did scream, and it jarred Hotaru out of the trance, her vision of the paper came back. She swiftly moved to help Harry, he still screamed, gripping at his scar.