CHAPTER TWELVE

James' Diary

I can't believe it. I can't believe what I did to Lily. I mean, she likes that Martin guy, so I should just let it go. And now she hates me. Sirius was right, I've been obsessing over this whole issue and forgetting about everyone else. But I can't help it! I wish I could just go back and apologise, but I doubt she'll listen. I've tried to beg Sirius to do it for me, but he refuses. Well, that's alright for him! He already has the girl he wants. I guess I could apologise to Martin first, but apologies really aren't my specialty. I'll figure it out somehow. In the meantime, I'll dig myself a grave and climb into it.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Ok, Lily, prepare yourself. You'll probably die of shock, but I have to tell you anyway. Oh, like I was kidding when I said die, I wasn't like serious, 'cuz you know, what with you being sick at the moment, it was just-"

"Bertha, you're babbling," I say, trying to calm her down.

"Oh, but it's, well, I don't know how to say this," Bertha babbles again.

The voices in my head take over and drown out Bertha's babbling.

'C'mon, just tell her.'

'Don't tell her! Just pretend you don't know anything.'

'She's so excited t the moment it's not like she'd get angry. Just say it.'

'Yeah, fine, and have Bertha hate you for the rest of your life.'

'Why should Lily listen to you?'

''Cuz you're fat and I'm not.'

'How is that relevant?'

'Ah, so you are admitting that you are fat?'

'I never said that!'

'You implied it.'

'So not.'

'So so.'

'Shut up!'

'Why should I? I have the ancient Egyptian family heirloom, which was bestowed upon me, not you, obviously indicating that I am more worthy.'

'That's completely irrelevant.'

'And I might add that I will not bestow it upon you when the time has come for me to pass it onto a worthy recipient.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

Fine, I think to myself. A good lot of help those voices were.

"Bertha,"

"Hmn?"

"I have something to confess to you too."

"Ooooh, this is so exciting! We both have news!"

"Uh huh… Don't say anything until I've finished. That night, like ages ago, weeks ago, you were looking for your diary, so you went down to the common room to look for it, and I was really tired, so I just lay down on the bed, and then something poked me, well, not literally, but you know what I mean, and it was your diary that was attacking me, and it was open, like I didn't open it, swear to god, and the word Sirius caught my eye, and I read that sentence, or maybe that paragraph, and then I found out you have a crush on him, and I was going to tell you, but there were these voices, and I got so confused, and there were voices just then too, only they were babbling on about Egyptian heirlooms, I don't know why, and I figured that if I told you this that I'd probably have a clearer conscience," I pause to take a breath, "and-"

"Um, Lily, a: you're babbling, b: that was seriously the longest sentence I have heard in my entire life, and c: that Sirius thing was like so yesterday."

"Oh, ok…" I say, "So you don't mind that I read your diary?"

"Well, I mind a little, but then again, your babbling of Egyptian heirlooms does confirm that you are insane, therefore not in control of your actions and words," Bertha laughs.

"Oh, so the Sirius thing isn't what you were going to tell me?" I ask.

"Actually, what I was going to say is that Remus asked me out!"

Bertha smiles gleefully while I sit in shock. I thought Remus had a crush on me!

"Seriously?" I mutter.

"Uh huh."

"Oh, ok," I say, still frowning.

"Are you ok?" Bertha frowns at me.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I say, still distracted, "I thought you said you had to confide in me."

"Yeah, this is a secret, no one knows, except you now."

"Oh, ok…"

"Ok, well, you'd better get some rest, so I'd better go now," Bertha smiles again, "But just so you know, I'm really happy! And I really like him… he was so cute and shy when he asked, I couldn't say no. Well, bye."

"Yeah, cool. Don't break his frail little heart! Congrats. Bye," I give Bertha a hug, "Thanks for coming to see me."

"No worries. Get better soon!"

~*~*~*~*~*

"Sirius, man, you got to help me!" I beg.

"No can do," Sirius spoons some dessert onto Shana's plate for her.

"C'mon, all you got to do is walk in and say hi, and have a normal conversation with her. Then before you leave you just mention that I'm really sorry," I explain.

"And why can't you do that yourself?"

"Why do you think? Maybe because she hates my guts at the moment!" I say, frustrated, "You're my best friend, why can't you just do this one thing for me?"

Sirius turns to face me. "It's because I'm your best friend that I'm not going to so this for you. If you really like her, and you're really sorry, you walk in there and tell her yourself."

"Sirius-"

"I'm going to go visit Lily, but I'm not telling her anything for you, ok? I'm just going because I'm her caring sharing friend."

"Right…"

"Have fun. Shana and I are going to go visit Lily now."

"Fine, bye," I mutter as Shana and Sirius walk towards the hall doors.

"Also, it's usually easier to say things if you have cue cards," Sirius calls back at me.

"Gee, thanks mate," I call back at him, rolling my eyes. Now I'm going to proceed to climb slowly into my grave.

1 hour later I manage to drag myself up to the Gryffindor common room. Only a few months ago there would be a sparkling laugh and shocking hair in here instead of the sunken figure of Sirius. Sirius?!

"Sirius, what's up?" I say, walking over to him. His eyes are dull and grey and he looks like he's really trying not to cry.

"I thought you were visiting Lily," I add.

"Yeah, was…" Sirius mutters.

"What happened?"

Sirius sighs. "James, she's not going to make it."

"What do you mean?" I say, my voice quivering.

"James, she's not even awake, we don't even get to say good bye."

"What about the medical team?"

"There's nothing they can do James," Sirius' voice cracks.

"Nothing they can do!?" I yell, running for the portrait and towards the hospital wing. I sprint past the armoured knights and the Bloody Baron and burst into the hospital wing. A team of medical wizards are quietly talking in a corner.

"Lily!" I say, running to her bed.

Her red hair is messy, her pale skin covered with sores and scratches, lips cracked and dry, her breath so weak it is hardly a breeze.

"Lily!" I shake her, hoping she'll open her annoying green eyes.

Her body moves limply in my arms. The medical wizards come over, grim expressions on their faces.

"Young man, we have decided to lift the spell that we put on her to keep her breathing. This is too torturous for her. We will end it quickly and painlessly," an old wizard says in a completely emotionless voice.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" I yell.

The old man does not flinch. "You do not understand. She is wanting to return to her dreams. There is no way we can stop that. We are truly sorry. It will be quick. She will fade gradually until she is no more," the old man doesn't sound sorry at all.

"No! That's not good enough!" I yell, lunging for Lily, but the medical team restrain me. I thrash around wildly as the old man mutters incantations.

"Doctor C. Wartick. My work here is done," the old man addresses me and the school nurse, "She will fade in an hour or so."

Wartick and his team disapparate from the hospital wing, leaving behind only a bill.

"Lily… shit, I love you," I bow my head as I cry for the first time in my life. 

~*~*~*~*~*

AN: it's been ages since I wrote my last chapter. Hope u like this chapter. Fret not, lily will not die… yet. Please review. I promise the story gets happier.